How old to walk to the library?

[MeghanL]

My oldest (9) is ADHD/ASD but has made huge improvements over the last year. He is doing so much better with awareness and responsibility...but he wants to walk to the library by himself and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Here's why I would allow it:

 

1. The library is located less than a block away.

2. He would need to cross a fairly major street. We walk over all the time and he know how to push the "walk" button and to wait on the sidewalk away from the street.

3. We have a fairly active neighborhood watch.

 

Here's why I am hesitant:

1. This same library has has some issues with grown men exposing their genitalia to girls.

2. I'm afraid the neighborhood watch would call the truant police on him if he goes during school hours. I'm afraid the kids that "hang" at the library would be cruel to him if he goes outside of school hours.

3. Even though he has made huge strides, I'm not sure how he would handle anything unexpected happening.

 

So, my question is should I let him walk over and just wait with bated breath? Or, is there some way we can both ease into it? I thought about letting him run into the library by himself while I wait in the car. Or, should I let him stay there for various amounts of time by himself and increase the time?

 

He really sees this as a way to be independent. He is an avid reader (like 25 books a day avid) so he would make good use of being able to go over by himself.

 

WWYD?

[SKL]

I'd probably send him, but I might follow him the first one or two times to make sure he handles the street crossing etc. responsibly.

 

He can always come home if things get difficult. Right?

[Dandelion]

I have a 9 year old with Asperger's (and co-morbid ADHD). I wouldn't feel comfortable letting him walk to the library by himself given the parameters you've described.

 

I do allow my DS to sit by himself in the library for 10 min. at a time while I'm in a different section. Even then, I worry - just because he can be unpredictable, tends to wander off (even after he's promised to stay in one place), and he is incredibly trusting and naive.

 

I would work on slowly building up independence in ways that are comfortable for both you and him. If you feel he isn't ready, he probably isn't. There's no sense in rushing forward into independence when there are so many risks involved. Maybe you can brainstorm some options with him that you both feel comfortable with?

[Luanne]

I am sorry, but I would never let ANY 9 year old go to the library alone. But of course, they have had troubles here like you mentioned about your library. Our issues seem to be people kidnapping children who are alone at the library. Is that really a risk you want to take? I wouldn't.

[PachiSusan]

With the cons you posted--no way.

[athena1277]

No way. I wouldn't even let my 10yo do that and she doesn't have any special needs. Call me over-protective, but I would wait until around age 12 for something like that.

[MeghanL]

These are all reasons that are keeping me hesitant. I just want to be sure my expectations are reasonable. If he were going to school, he would walk there & back every day and that's even further.

So, what age do you think *is* appropriate for walking to the library?

[Kelly1730]

I don't allow my 11yo twins to use the restroom at the grocery store alone. They must go together. I wouldn't allow them to go alone to library either. Together, maybe. I know that I am probably over-protective in this area but I lean on the "better safe than sorry" camp.

[elegantlion]

Your hesitations would be mine. I would want a child who could advocate for themselves, as in if they are asked why they are out of school. "We homeschool, I'm going to the library." - would be minimum. I would have some sort of school ID that he would carry or put on a lanyard - you can print one yourself.

 

I also wouldn't consider it a library's job to watch over my child, aside from maintaining peace within the library itself.

 

I would probably let the librarians know what I was doing, make sure they (ds and librarian) knew each other and that he could come to front desk if there were issues.

 

I'm might drop off a couple of times, after giving the librarian the heads up, and have him call to walk him back home. That would break up the trip in segments, walking to the library, being alone there, walking home.

 

I have no experience with ASD, so disregard what won't work.

[PachiSusan]

These are all reasons that are keeping me hesitant. I just want to be sure my expectations are reasonable. If he were going to school, he would walk there & back every day and that's even further.

So, what age do you think *is* appropriate for walking to the library?

 

I am no help because I would be driving her to school too...

[Renthead Mommy]

You also have to make sure your library will allow him to be there by himself at that age. I know it's crazy, but some libraries have rules about unaccompanied kid under a certain (12?) age.

 

If you really trust him to walk there and back, I'd work up to being there for awhile by himself. Can you put a number of books on hold so all he is doing is going in and picking up his books and walking back? You could give him a reasonable time limit to accomplish this, but it prevents him from wandering the library or getting himself off track.

 

The neighborhood watch should not be an issue. He should be able to say I'm homeschooled. If you have an issue please call my principal/teacher/mother. If they bother him again, you should speak to them, as well as any truant officer who's time they are wasting.

[kewb]

With the cons you listed, no I would not let my child walk alone to the library. I started letting my oldest when he was 13. But ours is a bit further and requires crossing 2 major roads.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Not with the kind of people your library attracts, especially with your son's special needs.

[T'smom]

If it is really important to him, could you do something like letting him walk to the library 15 minutes before you? So, he gets to walk by himself, and gets a little extra time, but you'd be right behind him if there were problems. You could coach him to say "my mom will be here in a minute".

 

Those are some pretty major cons that you listed though. I probably wouldn't let him for awhile.

[Bambam]

Our library has posted rules that they will call the police for any unaccompanied child under the age of 13. So, since I do not want a visit from the police or CPS, no, I wouldn't do it.

[Momling]

I would feel fine about that with my own kids at 9, though I'd probably ease into it with short trips and checking up and a cell phone, etc... But only you know your child and your library and your town. Independence and safety are both important. If he's ready and you're ready, go for it.

[AMJ]

I don't allow my 11yo twins to use the restroom at the grocery store alone. They must go together. I wouldn't allow them to go alone to library either. Together, maybe. I know that I am probably over-protective in this area but I lean on the "better safe than sorry" camp.

 

 

And I go in with my two dc (both girls). Partly to keep them from taking forever, but partly to make sure nothing happens to them. Sometimes (if things don't look sanitary and we are desperate) I'll make them all come into the same stall with me, and we clean the seat and hold things for each other (to keep them from being set down). It's better than being seated and hearing "Moooommmm, there's no TP" or "It's icky in here!"

 

I don't let my girls out of my sight much, not that we have had a lot of opportunity with our B&M school schedule. Will need to do that more, but want to go over (again) what to do if someone starts something.

[Outdoorsy Type]

I would not.

[aggieamy]

I'm a pretty free range mama compared to most here so I would allow it for my DD since the library staff knows her and she wouldn't be going up to the library to "hang out" but maybe pick up a few books and then come home. I also let my DD run into Aldi to pick up an item or two for me while I wait in the car and I let her walk down to her friends house all the time. This year I let DD and her cousin (9 yo) go up the mountain together when we were skiing while I stayed at the bottom to have coffee. Like I said - I'm free range all the way.

 

However, based on this:

 

 

1. This same library has has some issues with grown men exposing their genitalia to girls.

2. I'm afraid the neighborhood watch would call the truant police on him if he goes during school hours. I'm afraid the kids that "hang" at the library would be cruel to him if he goes outside of school hours.

3. Even though he has made huge strides, I'm not sure how he would handle anything unexpected happening.

 

 

I woudn't in your situation. Those are some situations where a parent is needed.

[unsinkable]

Our library has posted rules that they will call the police for any unaccompanied child under the age of 13. So, since I do not want a visit from the police or CPS, no, I wouldn't do it.

 

 

Thank God they didn't have this when I was young.

 

My childhood revolved around going to the library.

[msjones]

I would ask the librarian about it.

 

Then, I'd consider it based on his/her opinion about the environment at the library and any library policies about unaccompanied kids.

[Sun]

The issues that you've mentioned, particularly the exposure one, and your son's ASD make me leery, and I'm also pretty free range. Does your son have a friend in the neighborhood with whom he could go to the library after school? I'd feel a whole lot better in your situation if his first few times doing this he had a friend with him.

 

Also, think about how well your son can advocate for himself. If someone asks why he's not in school (when you're with him), will he respond in a clear voice that he's homeschooled? Is he comfortable checking out by himself (with you watching from a ways away) at a store? If he got lost for some reason, would he be comfortable asking a mom for directions? Kids who are going somewhere on their own for the first time can sometimes make a wrong turn--even when they're going someplace they've been many times before--because they don't always pay total attention to the route when with their mother. (Ask me how I know this! :laugh: ) Do you have a cell phone that he could take with him to call you when he gets there and before he leaves the first few times?

 

If your son has strong self-advocacy skills that you've seen and nurtured, then I'd feel much more comfortable.

[Flowing Brook]

1. This same library has has some issues with grown men exposing their genitalia to girls.

 

 

This is why I would not allow it. The risk of something being done to him that would affect him the rest of his life is too great. I would not even allow him to be in there while I was sitting out in my car. If there are known creeps hanging around there than no way!

[MeghanL]

Thank you for all the feedback. We're going to continue going with him and will re-address in a few years. It's hard to balance between preparing them for independence and keeping them protected from the truly awful things in the world!

[Truscifi]

I let ds9 go in by himself while I wait in the car. He would like to ride his bike to ours (about a half mile) but I'm not quite ready for that. So maybe you could start by walking with him and then letting him go in by himself with you waiting outside? I would want to reward the improvements he's made with a bit more freedom so if it were me I would try hard to find some sort of compromise that would help him feel more independent.