Parrothead Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Or maybe it is just this screwy place where one must purchase entry to retirement parties. There is this thing tonight. Dh says the person in charge said it is formal and the guys have to wear dress uniforms. So I'm planning on one of the nice dresses. Then dh comes home today and said he'd talked to some of the guys. The guys are to be in their formal dress uniforms, but the spouses can be casual. :confused1: I think my head wanted to explode. So now I'm supposed to get ready to go in an hour or so and I'm not sure what to wear. I don't want to over dress, but I don't want to be the only one in pants. Is casual the new formal or should I wear the dress? ETA: I have no one to call. I don't know any of the people who will be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I would rather over dress than underdress. I'd go with the more formal. You'll match the guys anyway and stand out in a good way, if everyone else is casual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I would still wear the nice dress you picked out. I would rather over-dress than under-dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Over dress. Think how you'd feel if you underdressed. The guys who are having to wear their nicer duds will appreciate seeing a woman who made the effort. (I know this from experience at something dh is involved in.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 I'm leaning in that direction. So black (more formal) or grey (not quite as formal) or billowy pants, sequined urban camo tank with a cover that matches the pants (not quite as formal as a dress but not as casual as dress pants)? ETA: The pants require the 5 inch heels since they are so long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 Go business casual. :tongue_smilie: Whatever that is right? DH's work had a thing. They were told business casual. I met him there and everyone, I kid you not, was wearing company sweat shirts and jeans or Dockers. I was way over dressed. Not the end of the world, but it was a little weird. I don't own business casual. I have yoga pants, jeans, oh, wait! I have the velvet pants!. I can wear them with a sweater! Okay they are black and will work. Thanks, Wendy. You are a genius. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Will you let us know later what the other women wear? I kind of like to know what is the definition these days too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Sounds like you have a good plan with the pants. I would also be prepared to just remove my jewelry if you get there & it's more casual - sometimes that can make a huge difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 If your DH is going formal, IMO you should too. Also, I've never heard of an event where there was one dress code for some folks, and another for everyone else. If formal dress is required for your DH, then standard etiquette seems to indicate that this is a formal (or at least semi-formal) event. It's always less awkward to be overdressed than underdressed for these types of events. Chances are many other spouses didn't get the "casual memo" and there will likely be several that will come in formal attire. Whatever you wear, have fun! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Go business casual. :tongue_smilie: Whatever that is right? DH's work had a thing. They were told business casual. I met him there and everyone, I kid you not, was wearing company sweat shirts and jeans or Dockers. I was way over dressed. Not the end of the world, but it was a little weird. Didn't you ask about the definition of business casual a few weeks ago? I said a nice pair of jeans, but we're in the Bay Area, so business casual means heavier emphasis on casual. So I gather that was what happened at your DH's event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Overdress. It'll make for a nicer picture of you and DH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 9, 2013 Author Share Posted March 9, 2013 If your DH is going formal, IMO you should too. Also, I've never heard of an event where there was one dress code for some folks, and another for everyone else. If formal dress is required for your DH, then standard etiquette seems to indicate that this is a formal (or at least semi-formal) event. It's always less awkward to be overdressed than underdressed for these types of events. Chances are many other spouses didn't get the "casual memo" and there will likely be several that will come in formal attire. Whatever you wear, have fun! :) Exactly. This is the definition I was operating under until this afternoon. I even went out to buy new black tights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I am of the school that I would rather underdress than overdress. But a dress can be casual, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Wear the dress. Definitely. Don't count on what "the guys" said as having anything to do with what their wives will actually be wearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Will you let us know later what the other women wear? I kind of like to know what is the definition these days too. Most of the guys were in their dress uniforms. The retired guys were in business casual. The women were in everything from yoga pants to little black dress. I think the lady in the black dress and I were the only ones in any sort of dress shoe. I left early so as to not let some b****y woman have it with both barrels for being incredibly rude. I was able to hold it in until after dinner and the presentation of awards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swimmermom3 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Most of the guys were in their dress uniforms. The retired guys were in business casual. The women were in everything from yoga pants to little black dress. I think the lady in the black dress and I were the only ones in any sort of dress shoe. I left early so as to not let some b****y woman have it with both barrels for being incredibly rude. I was able to hold it in until after dinner and the presentation of awards. She was just jealous because you looked so good. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 So... what did you wear? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Most of the guys were in their dress uniforms. The retired guys were in business casual. The women were in everything from yoga pants to little black dress. I think the lady in the black dress and I were the only ones in any sort of dress shoe. I left early so as to not let some b****y woman have it with both barrels for being incredibly rude. I was able to hold it in until after dinner and the presentation of awards. Sorry about the b****y woman. I hope the event was enjoyable otherwise. Did you feel dressed *right* for the occasion? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Sorry about the b****y woman. I hope the event was enjoyable otherwise. Did you feel dressed *right* for the occasion? Yes, I think I did okay. The velvet pants and the top were slightly more dressy than church clothes, but not the little black dress. I wouldn't have been the only one, but I think it worked out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 She was just jealous because you looked so good. :D Have I told you lately that I :001_wub: you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 So... what did you wear? :bigear: The velvet pants, a black cami and a plum/black 3/4 length top and 2 inch black heels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Little black dress time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Most of the guys were in their dress uniforms. The retired guys were in business casual. The women were in everything from yoga pants to little black dress. I think the lady in the black dress and I were the only ones in any sort of dress shoe. I left early so as to not let some b****y woman have it with both barrels for being incredibly rude. I was able to hold it in until after dinner and the presentation of awards. Geesh! Where did you have to go? Sounds insufferable. Sorry. Hope you had a little fun for your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 The velvet pants, a black cami and a plum/black 3/4 length top and 2 inch black heels. I wore almost exactly this a couple of weeks ago to dh's banquet, except with a black skirt and black hosiery. Some people still like to see a lady in skirt, apparently, b/c several of the elderly gents commented very sweetly how nice it was to see a woman wearing a skirt. Last year I had worn something just a bit nicer, and I was sorely tempted to dress down this year, as people come in everything from jeans to cowboy duds, except for the board members who all wear suits. Boy was I glad I had dressed nicely when dh was called up for an award, one of two prestigious named awards given out each year. And there were pictures, with him in a suit and me in...a nice dress. Whew! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Wow, I have never heard of jeans being considered business casual. That is not the D.C. Definition. For my dh it means khakis and a sports coat instead of a suit. For me a more casual dress or pair of slacks, but not jeans or sweats. We just had a big 50th birthday party for dh, a Sunday brunch, we said the dress was business casual and no one showed up in jeans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crazyforlatin Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Most of the guys were in their dress uniforms. The retired guys were in business casual. The women were in everything from yoga pants to little black dress. I think the lady in the black dress and I were the only ones in any sort of dress shoe. I left early so as to not let some b****y woman have it with both barrels for being incredibly rude. I was able to hold it in until after dinner and the presentation of awards. Well, it sounds like you looked lovely. Maybe the lady was....drunk? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyomarie Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Wow, I have never heard of jeans being considered business casual. That is not the D.C. Definition. For my dh it means khakis and a sports coat instead of a suit. For me a more casual dress or pair of slacks, but not jeans or sweats. We just had a big 50th birthday party for dh, a Sunday brunch, we said the dress was business casual and no one showed up in jeans. I still remember the culture shock I had the first time (sometime back in the '90s) I was invited to an event where the invitation was "business casual." It was not a personal invitation, more like a "you're part of this subgroup of the main conference for health-care professionals that's invited to a party during the conference" general invitation. Living in Japan before the internet age, I had no one to consult for advice about this event that was taking place in the States. I had never heard the expression before and very nervously chose what I was going to wear. Thankfully, I chose well. I put on dressier, but not evening dressy, pants with a nice top and low heel dress shoes. Most of the women were somewhere around this level, some may have been wearing khaki pants. All the men were in khakis and a dress shirt or polo, no tie. Some wore sport coats, some didn't. This is mostly what I see today in the midwest. I don't think I've ever seen anyone in jeans at an event that's advertised as business casual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Well, it sounds like you looked lovely. Maybe the lady was....drunk? I can somewhat excuse drunk. This was just mean girl b*****ness out of a 30-something woman. It was sad and maddening at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruby Rose Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Was she the one in yoga pants? Gasp! That's just too casual IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Was she the one in yoga pants? Gasp! That's just too casual IMO. No she was not in my line of sight most of the time. I think she had on slacks of some type. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 My mom emailed and wanted the scoop so I pecked it all out. (Im on the tablet) Do you want to know? I can copy and paste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I want to know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Yes! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Of course we do!! ;) It sounds like you were dressed just right and I'm sure you looked lovely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Okay, there was this little old lady seated across from me. She was helped in by two gentlemen because she is so frail. Dh is in them first chair and I'm in the second. So I should have been second in the buffet line. I asked the elderly lady if I could bring her some food. Well bring elderly she can't hear too well either. So I had to ask her a couple times. When she gave the okay, I turned to go get her some food from the buffet. Dh made a comment like "I think Chuck is going to help her." So I walked back up to my place in line intending to get the lady her food. I was going to get back in line to get my own since I didn't think I could handle two plates. As I'm walking up to the buffet table I hear, "way to cut in line." For Dh's sake (this was a fire department function) I ignored it. But you know how it is. Crap like that preys on us and makes us moody. So I left after Dh received his certificate of recognition. I brought the truck in case the department was paged out. I wanted a way home. ------- You know if I was close enough to hear her comment she had to be able to hear me loudly asking the elderly lady if I could bring her food. It was pure b*****ness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Oh well everyone you cared about knows she was wrong. I wouldn't consider wearing jeans to anything more formal than a barbeque and I am not a dressy person. Lots of people like seeing a woman ina skirt. I have been known to indulge them. Likewise lower cleavage within the bounds of good taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Oh well everyone you cared about knows she was wrong. Oh, I know. It just bugs me that people are like that. I'm with Wendy. I don't like people much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 As I'm walking up to the buffet table I hear, "way to cut in line." Was she seven years old? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 Was she seven years old? :glare: Mentally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Wow, I have never heard of jeans being considered business casual. That is not the D.C. Definition. For my dh it means khakis and a sports coat instead of a suit. For me a more casual dress or pair of slacks, but not jeans or sweats. This is the difference between the East Coast and California- and one reason why I want to get out of this state. I cannot stand how people show up in jeans and flip-flops to everything, kids call adults by their first names, etc., etc. Show a little respect, people! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 This is the difference between the East Coast and California- and one reason why I want to get out of this state. I cannot stand how people show up in jeans and flip-flops to everything, kids call adults by their first names, etc., etc. Show a little respect, people! It isn't much better over here. Last night while in the buffet line I asked the person who was asking dh about the lady's plate what the lady's name was. He said that her name was "June". I was shocked. By that time I was so done with these people that I left it. Normally I would have asked for a last name so I could call her "Mrs. Smith" One of dd's friend's mom wants to be called by her first name. I eventually gave up with trying to get dd to call the mom Mrs. Jones. And of course the friend calls me Chuck. Yes, I mourn the loss of formality in our modern society. All in the name of not knowing which fork to use or "I just want to be your 5-year old's friend." Doesn't it get weird after a while when he can't meet you for coffee or participate in a phone gossip session because it is after his bed time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I still feel weird as an adult calling my parents' friends or my friends' parents whom I've known since my childhood by their first names. I think of them as Mr./Mrs. So-and-So rather than their first names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Myra Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I don't mind first names...generally....unless the person being addressed is ancient - in their 80s. But what does bug me is when the dentist/doctor/other professionals want to be addressed by a title and then call me by my first name......no way....either we are all formal with each other or not. Myra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Dh and I run a "formal" 4-H club. The kids are not allowed to call us by our first names and their parents must refer to us as Mrs. or Mr. when talking to their child about us. If we've known the parents long enough to be really friendly, they can personally refer to us by our first names when the kids aren't in earshot. Guess what? That formality that we maintain has gotten us notoriety for having the best behaved 4-H club in the county. The kids know that we are in authority over them and they step up to the plate. Our rocket team has become family, but we are still Mr. and Mrs. to them and we believe that is good for them. I remember when I graduated high school and a my lit teacher came up to me and said, "You may now call me Karen." Boy, you talk about feeling like I'd arrived at the grown ups table!!!! I think it's okay for kids to realize that children are not the peer group of adults. Oh, Myra, absolutely, I'm with you. I actually correct health care professionals and DO not let them call me by my first name. I have to be with them a LOOOONG time for that to happen and by then, as with our Dentist, they've become more casual and go by "Doctor Jim" or even just "Jim" with their really long term patients. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Dh and I run a "formal" 4-H club. The kids are not allowed to call us by our first names and their parents must refer to us as Mrs. or Mr. when talking to their child about us. If we've known the parents long enough to be really friendly, they can personally refer to us by our first names when the kids aren't in earshot. Guess what? That formality that we maintain has gotten us notoriety for having the best behaved 4-H club in the county. The kids know that we are in authority over them and they step up to the plate. Our rocket team has become family, but we are still Mr. and Mrs. to them and we believe that is good for them. I remember when I graduated high school and a my lit teacher came up to me and said, "You may now call me Karen." Boy, you talk about feeling like I'd arrived at the grown ups table!!!! I think it's okay for kids to realize that children are not the peer group of adults. Oh, Myra, absolutely, I'm with you. I actually correct health care professionals and DO not let them call me by my first name. I have to be with them a LOOOONG time for that to happen and by then, as with our Dentist, they've become more casual and go by "Doctor Jim" or even just "Jim" with their really long term patients. Faith Right there with you! The 4-H group for which dh serves as liaison to the aforementioned hobby association has a stellar reputation with the hobby organization b/c the 4-H leaders have ingrained civility and respect into those kids. I was there for a qtrly business meeting, a guest of the group's for the first time, last week. Against orders, I had brought dessert to the potluck. ; ) A teen boy that I didn't know from Adam saw me across the parking lot, turned away from the door he was about to enter, and came and helped me with my car door and the hot 10x15 pan full of cherry cobbler (no he couldn't see it or smell it, so it wasn't that!). All the kids were that polite and helpful, several of them coming up to thank me once they knew that I was dh's wife--not that there was anything to thank me for, rather because they have been raised to look out for others and to be thoughtful. I was thoroughly impressed with the group. I've raised my kids to be polite and thoughtful, but this bunch had it nailed! Good for you all and your group, Faith. You've served them well on many levels. In this day and age of so much that requires intense teamwork in the workplace, kids raised with the ethic of civility should go far. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Wear the dress. Be a role model. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I always match my dh's uniform dress level and don't care what other people are wearing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Ha! You all should have lived in Hawaii with Aloha-casual, Aloha-business and Aloha-formal! This is the difference between the East Coast and California- and one reason why I want to get out of this state. I cannot stand how people show up in jeans and flip-flops to everything, kids call adults by their first names, etc., etc. Show a little respect, people! Hm, calling people Miss/Mr Firstname is extremely common in military circles, but so is calling adults sir and ma'am. I don't think it shows a lack of respect at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Hm, calling people Miss/Mr Firstname is extremely common in military circles, but so is calling adults sir and ma'am. I don't think it shows a lack of respect at all. I can live with Mr./Ms. + First Name because it still acknowledges that the child is not at the same level as the adult. This is the compromise I have settled on for my kids between my preference for Mr./Ms. + Last Name and the California norm for just the first name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I can live with Mr./Ms. + First Name because it still acknowledges that the child is not at the same level as the adult. This is the compromise I have settled on for my kids between my preference for Mr./Ms. + Last Name and the California norm for just the first name. We've lived in California for 14 years. It's never been the norm in the circles we move in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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