Should I bring my kid home right away?

[SarahW]

Sigh. Every kid hates going to school, right?

 

But if you had already decided to homeschool next year, and your kid was distressed about going to school every single morning, would you just pull him out now?

 

My kid is in K, going to a public charter. He won a lottery to get in. And they put him in the accelerated class. He's doing well there, likes his teacher okay, and usually declares his homework "easy." He does have friends at school, and is generally happy and content when we pick him up.

 

But every morning when I take him to school he acts like I'm taking him to his execution. He stalls when I'm getting him dressed. He walks around outside when we go to the car. He gets "sick" in the car on the way there - it's a 5 min ride, tops, and when I say "it's so weird! your tummy always hurts right when I drive up to your school!" he giggles. He stands at the entrance with me and makes up stuff to do with me before I send him in. He tries to negotiate days off, "if I go to school today, then I should have Friday off, and Monday too."

 

There's been a few times when he refused to go into school and threw a fit. An aide had to come out and practically carry him in. We let him know that this is Not Acceptable Behavior and he's stopped doing that. We've talked to his teacher and apparently there are also days when he takes to just sitting under a table in the corner of the classroom.

 

As far as we can tell, he isn't being bullied or anything like that. He just hates it. Like I said, he's accelerated, and working about 2 grades ahead. He finds this challenging, but not boring. I'm not sure if he's gifted or not, I lean towards thinking he's just bright. I mean, sometimes he seems to immediately know everything, but the next moment he forgets everything he knows. Also, he went to a good pre-school in Europe when we lived there, programs which incorporated some Montessori type things, and he seemed to really enjoy those. He especially liked things like the shape building designs. So I'm not sure if him working ahead now is just because he started early with a good program.

 

But he actually didn't like the pre-school after a while either, especially on the days when he went all day. So maybe it's mostly just an endurance issue? I'm beginning to think that he's an introvert, so that may be where some of the exhaustion and dislike is coming from.

 

He currently really enjoys learning new things, so I worry that him hating school will make him hate learning. That's my husband's main worry, he was sent to an Alternative school which made him utterly bored and hate school, when it turns out that his only problem was that he's a bit 2e (dyscalculia with very high abstract thinking).

 

Today in the car on the way to school kid brought up homeschooling again. He wants us to start immediately. Like, tonight. But he did say that he wanted complete control over the curriculum (he didn't use the word curriculum, but I'm sure he would have if he knew it). I told him that I was already picking things out and I would show it to him. I also told him that if we homeschooled he wouldn't get to play Red Punch anymore (that's a game he often plays at school, I don't even know what it is, but I'm pretty sure it involves at least a dozen kids). He was pretty quiet after that.

 

I'm a "Just Get It Done" person, and I feel like pulling him out of school now would be a failure. But that might be just because of all the stuff I had to go through last year to get him in the lottery and then get him signed up? So I should remember that a failure to me doesn't mean a failure to him, right?

 

I don't even know how to legally start homeschooling mid-year in Florida. We have tentative plans to move to Georgia in a few months, so I've only looked at the laws there.

 

But every kid hates going to school, right? But it's March already, and he still makes himself sick over it. I don't think that's normal.

 

But I wasn't planning on starting homeschooling for months! I only have a huge pile of bookmarks, a loaded folder named "Homeschool" in My Documents, a Word document with my tentative plans that's about a dozen pages long, and a few random K-1 workbooks. I don't feel ready. Would I feel ready in a few months? Or would I be freaking out like this then, too?

 

We have another parent-teacher conference in a few hours. I haven't broached homeschooling with his teacher yet, I'm not sure how she'll react. She knows he's sensitive, but I know she worries about how his tendency to be solitary, and I don't think she'll think that homeschooling will solve that. But, I see him outside of school, and see him relate easily with 11 and 16 yo's (we go to a small church, so there's limited options on the church playground), so I'm not quite so worried. I don't want her to think there's anything wrong with her or the school, because we really do appreciate her and the accelerated class, but I have a hard time saying "I'm sorry kid, you have to go to school for a few more months" every single morning.

 

Sigh. I don't know. I alternate between :willy_nilly: and :banghead: with a good dose of :wacko: and :svengo: . I know that ultimately I just have to decide something, but, ugh, it's good to just type all of this up and see it in black and white.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Yes, without hesitation, certainly, indeed, I would bring home an unhappy five-year-old. He's not even compulsory school age in many states. And isn't it rather tragic to hate education before you even start to lose your baby teeth?

 

I only skimmed over the rest of the post, I'm afraid, but I do want to warn you that you are setting yourself up for trouble if you are considering giving a 5yo complete control of his curriculum. I'm in a rush but I'll re-read that later to see if I misunderstood.

[VeritasMama]

I think the school work may not be age appropriate. Kindergarten work is getting more and more advanced, and so more often than not playtime and recess are being cut back to accomodate higher academic standards. I would say that just because a 5 year old is bright or gifted and can do 2nd grade work does not mean that their 5 year old bodies do not need recess at least twice a day.

 

It doesn't matter what time of year it is, if your child is unhappy you can pull them out. There is no reason to make an unhappy 5 year old tough it out.

 

That said, you need to establish a routine and good work habits right away. He can't simply come home because he thinks that being at home equals all play and no work, KWIM? If this is his understanding, the behavior problems will simply continue at home.

[shinyhappypeople]

I regret not pulling older DD from kindergarten mid-year. She was BEGGING me to homeschool her, but I had it in my head that she need to finish what she started (in this case, kindergarten). By the end of the year she was completely burned out and had gone from being eager to learn everything to saying, "I hate reading! I hate math! I don't want to learn!"

 

Pull him and let him unschool for the rest of the year. At his age, you can't go wrong with reading lots of books together and spending lots of time outside.

[nandmsmom]

In a heartbeat. He's 5. I can't think of a single reason it would be beneficial to complete his K year in school.

[nandmsmom]

I will add. A person who tends to be solitary, probably does far better being socialized at home. Going to school and forced socialization, only causes anxiety. As he ages, he'll want to spend time with others more. Forcing it isn't going to make it happen any faster.

[SarahW]

Thanks guys.

 

happyshinypeople, yes, ugh, that's the thing.

 

To clarify, he's 6. Late December b-day. Not that that matter too much.

 

And no, he's not getting complete control, no matter how much he wants it, lol. But I think he would vote to do science experiments Every. Single. Day. Including weekends. !!!!

 

I have to go to school. eh. I'll see how it goes.

[Mom22ns]

I'm not in FL, but it looks easy enough. Just notify them within 30 days after you start. His teacher does NOT get a say in whether or not you homeschool. I wouldn't ask.

 

I would pull him. If he hates it so much that you can hardly get him in and he spends part of his days hiding under a table... what are you trying to accomplish by having him there? If he is 2 grade levels ahead, then clearly you have little to worry about by not being prepared to bring him home. Start with some fun and help him get over the idea school is something to avoid and hate.

[garddwr]

It sounds like he is stressed and unhappy where he is. Bring him home.

[kitten18]

In a heartbeat. He's 5. I can't think of a single reason it would be beneficial to complete his K year in school.

Exactly what I was thinking. What good can come of leaving him there???

[PeterPan]

Thanks guys.

 

happyshinypeople, yes, ugh, that's the thing.

 

To clarify, he's 6. Late December b-day. Not that that matter too much.

 

And no, he's not getting complete control, no matter how much he wants it, lol. But I think he would vote to do science experiments Every. Single. Day. Including weekends. !!!!

 

I have to go to school. eh. I'll see how it goes.

 

You've got a kid who *wants* to be home, *wants* to do work, is exceptionally advanced (meaning it doesn't matter a FIG what he does for the next two years, since he's already 2 grades ahead), and who clearly has the BRAINS to be able to define what he's ready to learn and wants to learn, and you don't want to listen?!?!?!

 

Do you REALIZE how off the board advice can be about these kids?!? Give the dc some room. You know the 20% he won't get done on his own, and you talk with him about how to integrate that into his interests. Everything else is what he wants. Then you're both happy and schooling is done adequately.

 

Give in. Cave. This shouldn't be about a control game. And yes, bring him home. It seems to be making him sick, and it doesn't appear the school has any ability to connect with him, if he's spending half the day hiding under a table. Comply with the laws in your state, but yes bring him home.

[MeghanL]

I wouldn't see him not enjoying school as a failure on your part. You did everything you could with the information you had to make the best educational choice for your child. The information has changed (he is making himself ill, hates it, etc) so the choice has to be different. That's not a failure, that's continued success.

[Alexigail]

I pulled my 5 yo from pre-k in December and I haven't regretted it yet. He was miserable at school.

[Halcyon]

Pm me if you need tha nane of a good free umbrella school in Florida.all you need to do is report your hours and since you are leaving the state you won't have to fuss with portfolios at the end of the year. Easy peasy and totally legal and acceptable under Florida law.

[AK_Mom4]

Yeah, I'd probably pull him now.

 

And then we'd do science experiments every single day for the rest of the year. Think of the amazing things he would learn! Get library books about sciency-stuff like clouds and let him set up that silly weather-tracking experiment (they have weather in Florida, right?). Plant some beans and let him measure them each day. Boil cabbage and test things for acidity. Cook stuff. Read about scientists. Math, reading, handwriting, history all rolled into one.

 

Totally works for me! Best Kindergarten Ever!

[StartingOver]

YES, in a heart beat.

[SarahW]

I guess I should have made this a poll. It could've been the only 100% agreement poll since the kiddo thread. :rofl:

 

P/t conference is actually Thursday. I woke up too early this morning and my brain apparently checked out on distinguishing between Thurs and Tues. So I have two days to make a decision. So you'll all have to :toetap05: at me until then. :D

 

btw, I'm not worried about the accelerated academics so much, DH is more concerned on that issue. I've looked at what "normal" K is here, and if he was in that class I would have yanked him out a long time ago without any hesitation. He doesn't need to sit around 6 hours every day learning letters and colors. His homework tonight is about building compound words like butterfly and passport, and he found it interesting, and easy - he did it all in his head in under 3 mins (I'm supposed to have him cut and paste the worksheet tonight, bah humbug).

 

Kid seemed okay when I picked him up today, until I started asking him about his day. Apparently, he didn't "listen" to his teacher at all today. He was upset that his teacher was mad at him about that. I talked to him about it, but apparently there was no particular reason why he didn't listen. This is an ongoing issue, and it makes me feel completely bewildered. My only guess is that he feels completely overwhelmed being in a classroom with 24 other kids? Maybe it's something he can learn to deal with when he's older, but I approach homeschooling as just one option out of many, so I feel overwhelmed by the idea that homeschooling may be his only option.

 

I was homeschooled, I've read way too many homeschooling books/sites/blogs the past few months. Tell me it's okay that I'm completely freaking out right now about actually doing this soon!

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Age six is too soon to worry that he's not capable of learning in a classroom and will always require homeschooling. He sounds delightful and very bright, and normal. :)

 

I would recommend a little research on child development as part of your homeschool prep. I'm not trying to be rude; I'm just noticing that you seem to be mis-evaluating normal little boy stuff. Normal little boys don't listen when unrelated adults talk about things they either don't care about or have long since mastered.

 

Bring him home and enjoy him just as he is: Normal, healthy, curious, very bright. Don't over-analyze at this point, or get too "school-y" on him. Just have fun and feed his curiosity.

[PeterPan]

 

Kid seemed okay when I picked him up today, until I started asking him about his day. Apparently, he didn't "listen" to his teacher at all today. He was upset that his teacher was mad at him about that. I talked to him about it, but apparently there was no particular reason why he didn't listen. This is an ongoing issue, and it makes me feel completely bewildered. My only guess is that he feels completely overwhelmed being in a classroom with 24 other kids? Maybe it's something he can learn to deal with when he's older, but I approach homeschooling as just one option out of many, so I feel overwhelmed by the idea that homeschooling may be his only option.

 

I was homeschooled, I've read way too many homeschooling books/sites/blogs the past few months. Tell me it's okay that I'm completely freaking out right now about actually doing this soon!

 

 

There are multiple possible explanations for this behavior. When people start saying they're seeing some unusual behavior but they figure the kid will outgrow it, that's usually the cue to start looking for the reason behind the behavior.

 

You don't know if it's his only option till you know what the explanation is.

[Arcadia]

We've talked to his teacher and apparently there are also days when he takes to just sitting under a table in the corner of the classroom.

..

But he actually didn't like the pre-school after a while either, especially on the days when he went all day.

This is an ongoing issue, and it makes me feel completely bewildered. My only guess is that he feels completely overwhelmed being in a classroom with 24 other kids?

 

Have you look into possibly sensory issues especially sensory overload?

 

ETA:

The B&M teachers that my older had were supportive of parents choosing to homeschool.

[Mommy22alyns]

I wouldn't even think twice before bringing him home right now. End the stress on mom and kid.

[SarahW]

I have to run, but just one quick question till later....

 

 

I would recommend a little research on child development as part of your homeschool prep. I'm not trying to be rude; I'm just noticing that you seem to be mis-evaluating normal little boy stuff. Normal little boys don't listen when unrelated adults talk about things they either don't care about or have long since mastered.

 

 

I don't understand. I expect my son to listen to his teacher. He's known her since August, and she's his teacher. So.... huh???

 

I mean, by listen I don't mean that he just chooses not to obey her. I mean, he honestly just tunes her out and has no idea that she is giving instructions on completing the task they're working on. This is a problem.

[Bree]

I had the same experience as your dc my 2nd grade year. I can't tell you why, maybe it was because they switched me to an accelerated split class of 2nd and 3rd graders. I had friends and the work was easy and everything but every day I woke up sick and I felt miserable. I would pull him, you plan on it anyway so why not let him have fun and not have to worry about the problem anymore. :) 25 years later and it is still vivid in my memory lol

[Bree]

I have to run, but just one quick question till later....

 

 

 

I don't understand. I expect my son to listen to his teacher. He's known her since August, and she's his teacher. So.... huh???

 

I mean, by listen I don't mean that he just chooses not to obey her. I mean, he honestly just tunes her out and has no idea that she is giving instructions on completing the task they're working on. This is a problem.

If he knows you are thinking of pulling him he might be so focused on that and have mentally checked out of the class ;)

[boscopup]

Sigh. Every kid hates going to school, right?

 

 

No, they don't. Even my son who was bored in school didn't HATE school. He would rather be homeschooled, but he enjoyed school, especially K!

 

I'd pull him in a heartbeat. I pulled my son halfway through his 1st grade year when I realized his "homework" was taking longer than it would take to actually school him at a much nicer time of day. ;) Plus the fact that he was bored...

 

Pull him out, head straight to the library for some fun science books with experiments in them, and have some fun! :D

[Mommy22alyns]

I have to run, but just one quick question till later....

 

 

 

I don't understand. I expect my son to listen to his teacher. He's known her since August, and she's his teacher. So.... huh???

 

I mean, by listen I don't mean that he just chooses not to obey her. I mean, he honestly just tunes her out and has no idea that she is giving instructions on completing the task they're working on. This is a problem.

 

 

 

I honestly think Tibbie has a point here. He is just 6, he doesn't like the atmosphere, he spaces out. Heck, my almost 10yo girl spaces out on a regular basis. It's a problem, but it's not huge by any means.

 

He's 6. :)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

 

 

I honestly think Tibbie has a point here. He is just 6, he doesn't like the atmosphere, he spaces out. Heck, my almost 10yo girl spaces out on a regular basis. It's a problem, but it's not huge by any means.

 

He's 6. :)

 

Exactly.

 

Look, I have bright, normal boys (four of them) who were nearly all very advanced compared to the public school scope and sequence. They were reading chapter books before age five and working through third grade math books. If they'd gone to kindergarten, they would have been bored and disinterested because the material would not have been new or challenging in any way. In a very age-appropriate manner, they would have tuned the teacher out. They would have got big fat F's in "listening to the teacher." They would have been "bad students." Why? For already knowing the material and wanting to try out other ideas and test other curiosities? This is why I homeschool! My boys deserve better than that! They are not bad students. They are very efficient and excellent learners. They are just rather bad at pretending to learn, which is not a problem for me.

 

Politely sitting still and listening to people who are saying things you don't need to hear, for hours on end, is a very mature social skill. Little boys need to pay attention to short lessons that actually teach them something, and then they need a chance to blow off steam and run and jump and play.

[Garga]

Pull him out! The rest if the school year is only three months. Use the library extensively in that time and wait until Sept to implement your actual curric. You don't need to set up anything special before then.

[PeterPan]

I have to run, but just one quick question till later....

 

 

 

I don't understand. I expect my son to listen to his teacher. He's known her since August, and she's his teacher. So.... huh???

 

I mean, by listen I don't mean that he just chooses not to obey her. I mean, he honestly just tunes her out and has no idea that she is giving instructions on completing the task they're working on. This is a problem.

 

 

Just because it's a problem doesn't mean it's a *character* problem. Could be a boredom problem or an attention problem or the room was too hot and too much was interesting problem or the teacher talks slowly and his mind wanders cuz he already knew most of the assignment problem...

[EthiopianFood]

I have to run, but just one quick question till later....

 

 

 

I don't understand. I expect my son to listen to his teacher. He's known her since August, and she's his teacher. So.... huh???

 

I mean, by listen I don't mean that he just chooses not to obey her. I mean, he honestly just tunes her out and has no idea that she is giving instructions on completing the task they're working on. This is a problem.

 

He's bored out of his mind. Of course he's not paying attention. Pull him out, and do some reading on gifted kids. Once he has work that is both mentally and age appropriate, then see if his attention level is age-appropriate.

[elegantlion]

I would also consider the possibility of him not being a morning person. Ds wa in private school for prek and K. Every morning was a disaster, I was spent after getting him to school. At 15 he still grumpy if he has to get up early. Homeschooling has allowed us both to wake more peacefully.

[cdrumm4448]

Yeah, I'd probably pull him now.

 

And then we'd do science experiments every single day for the rest of the year. Think of the amazing things he would learn! Get library books about sciency-stuff like clouds and let him set up that silly weather-tracking experiment (they have weather in Florida, right?). Plant some beans and let him measure them each day. Boil cabbage and test things for acidity. Cook stuff. Read about scientists. Math, reading, handwriting, history all rolled into one.

 

Totally works for me! Best Kindergarten Ever!

 

Oh, how I wish we had done this!

 

I say pull him. Keep in mind my then-first grader begged me almost every day to homeschool and I made him finish out the year. One of my biggest mistakes. If I had confidence in our abilities, I would have homeschooled from the beginning. Think of all we could have learned instead of being in school!

[SarahW]

Have you look into possibly sensory issues especially sensory overload?

 

That's possible. I'm sensitive myself in that regard, and I have noticed he needs quiet time sometimes.

 

If he knows you are thinking of pulling him he might be so focused on that and have mentally checked out of the class ;)

 

We have tried to avoid discussing this in front of him. All he knows for sure is that he'll be homeschooled when we go live in Georgia. Though when we visited Georgia again a few weeks ago he insisted he wanted to stay....

 

Exactly.

 

Look, I have bright, normal boys (four of them) who were nearly all very advanced compared to the public school scope and sequence. They were reading chapter books before age five and working through third grade math books. If they'd gone to kindergarten, they would have been bored and disinterested because the material would not have been new or challenging in any way. In a very age-appropriate manner, they would have tuned the teacher out. They would have got big fat F's in "listening to the teacher." They would have been "bad students." Why? For already knowing the material and wanting to try out other ideas and test other curiosities? This is why I homeschool! My boys deserve better than that! They are not bad students. They are very efficient and excellent learners. They are just rather bad at pretending to learn, which is not a problem for me.

 

Politely sitting still and listening to people who are saying things you don't need to hear, for hours on end, is a very mature social skill. Little boys need to pay attention to short lessons that actually teach them something, and then they need a chance to blow off steam and run and jump and play.

 

I see what's you're saying. But I feel like he's on track with what they're doing in class, so I have a hard time thinking he's bored. But he efficient, and a, how to explain? cross-studies learner. Like on Sunday I read the story of Jesus being tempted to him and his class, and he kept on interrupting to tell everyone about deserts, and about how in the desert you could see a mirage. In his small Sunday School class I could roll his information into the lesson. But I can see how that just won't work out well in a class of 25 kids who have to take a standardized test in a few months.

 

He's bored out of his mind. Of course he's not paying attention. Pull him out, and do some reading on gifted kids. Once he has work that is both mentally and age appropriate, then see if his attention level is age-appropriate.

 

Do you think he's gifted? :bored: Oh, dear... :leaving:

 

Like I said before, since I think he is tracking well with the academic pace, I sort of ruled out him being bored. But maybe it's not what they're learning, but how they're learning it?

 

I would also consider the possibility of him not being a morning person. Ds wa in private school for prek and K. Every morning was a disaster, I was spent after getting him to school. At 15 he still grumpy if he has to get up early. Homeschooling has allowed us both to wake more peacefully.

 

Definitely not a morning person. Me neither. Husband refers to us as zombies for good while after we wake up in the morning. He starts school at 9, which I feel is a bit early, but normal enough. But it may be a good part of the issue.

[Dana]

 

Do you think he's gifted? :bored: Oh, dear... :leaving:

 

From what you said in your first post, it sure sounds like it.

 

Check out Hoagie's Gifted and read around on the Accelerated Learner board here. There's also a forum at Davidson that's useful.

 

And it does sound like he's unhappy enough at school that I'd bring him home now.

My son is an only and I'm a major introvert. We still get him around other kids regularly (park day with support group, homeschool classes around town... art museum, zoo, library book club, historical society).

 

Good luck!

[songsparrow]

Do you think he's gifted? :bored: Oh, dear... :leaving:

 

Based on your descriptions, yes. :001_smile:

 

Like I said before, since I think he is tracking well with the academic pace, I sort of ruled out him being bored. But maybe it's not what they're learning, but how they're learning it?

 

Are you sure he's working at the appropriate level? He's in the accelerated class, but you said he's declared his homework easy. In my experience, kids shut down/tune out when the work is too easy or too hard; they need to be in that sweet spot for them (which can be a fairly wide range). When they're working at the right level, suddenly they'll become focused and engaged and happy learners. I'd try out some other, more advanced, materials at home. And he may be at the right level in some subjects but not in others.

 

ETA: And I'll agree with the chorus that says bring him home!

[Trilliums]

Yes, bring him home. :)

 

We withdrew DS from 1st grade over 9years ago. Best choice ever.

 

Appropriate level school work and even advanced school work in elementary can be boring as heck. Kids can thrive academically without it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

He sounds so much like my boys. I'm so glad for his sake that you're thinking this through and are willing to hs if that's what he needs.

 

I can tell you that hs'ing a boy like this is so rewarding and so much fun! I never felt any hesitation toward hs'ing, but my guess is that those feelings will diminish as you begin to be overwhelmed with thankfulness that you can homeschool. You're already seeing what a good learner he is. Once you have him home where he can follow his curiosity without restraint, you will probably be amazed all the time at how his mind works. It'll be pretty obvious that he wouldn't ever have the freedom to chatter, move around, discover, and enthuse that way at school, no matter how kind the teacher or how 'accelerated' the curriculum. These kids redefine 'acceleration.' In homeschooling, it means, "Learning at the speed of (child's name).

 

When you approach hs'ing material with him, you'll need to remember that he's an efficient, big-picture thinker. Focus on making connections (connections between you and him, between him and the material, and between related concepts that he's learning from different sources). Some subjects and curricula require mastery and daily drill and practice, so don't neglect diligence just because he's gifted. But don't merely move through material in a stolid, linear fashion. Picture yourself weaving a tapestry, or knotting a fisherman's net, or spinning a web...always notice where the lines intersect and enjoy those discoveries with your child. Don't 'just focus on the 3R's' until he's older! The whole world is in the history and science and literature.

 

Why am I rambling on like this? Sorry for preaching! Mostly I just wanted to say that if you bring him home AND 'learn to help him learn' instead of frustrating both of you by trying to hold him strictly to your agenda or pace (like school)....you will never regret it. As you watch him grow you'll just be thankful.

[Tranquility7]

DH and I tend to sympathize with the idea that boys are often not ready for structure and academics as early as the traditional school system demands they be, so I'd have no qualms taking a 6 yr old out of K. Especially if he was miserable.

 

I would, however, have lots of issues with his behavior. **Please know I’m trying to be gentle, but honest here!** Being six years old does not mean he is free to 1) stall when I've told him to get dressed, 2) goof off outside when I've told him to get in the car, 3) goof off when we arrive at school and he should be going in, 4) throw a fit and have to be carried into school by an aide, 5) sit under a table during classtime, 6) not listen to an adult in authority over him, or 7) interrupt during storytime.

 

I totally understand and believe that behavior problems in school *can* be a result of inappropriate expectations of a child. But these behavior issues are not just "in school" - they seem to be "in general". He is not listening to you. Homeschooling will not solve these problems, and might exacerbate them. Have you ever read The Negotiation Generation?

 

As I said, I’d ordinarily have no qualms with taking him out of school. However, I’d also be very concerned about rewarding the behavior issues you mentioned. If it were me, I would probably not remove him from school without first working a lot on his compliance at home. Or, if I had to bring him home now, I’d make cheerful compliance my primary goal before being concerned about anything academic.

 

Again, please understand this is all meant to be helpful and not harsh. :grouphug: It just sounds like you fight a lot of battles with him, and having those battles while trying to homeschool would be such a burden and could make homeschooling such a miserable chore instead of the joyful blessing it could be.

[briansmama]

I think the school work may not be age appropriate. Kindergarten work is getting more and more advanced, and so more often than not playtime and recess are being cut back to accomodate higher academic standards. I would say that just because a 5 year old is bright or gifted and can do 2nd grade work does not mean that their 5 year old bodies do not need recess at least twice a day.

 

It doesn't matter what time of year it is, if your child is unhappy you can pull them out. There is no reason to make an unhappy 5 year old tough it out.

 

That said, you need to establish a routine and good work habits right away. He can't simply come home because he thinks that being at home equals all play and no work, KWIM? If this is his understanding, the behavior problems will simply continue at home.

 

Yes, yes, yes. Kindy in most schools now is not developmentally appropriate for many children, no matter how bright they are. He sounds very bright- I'd bet you can have him do similar work at home in far less time it takes at school, and then he can spend the rest of the day being a little boy, with lots of running, playing, creating, and climbing, etc.

[songsparrow]

Being six years old does not mean he is free to 1) stall when I've told him to get dressed, 2) goof off outside when I've told him to get in the car, 3) goof off when we arrive at school and he should be going in, 4) throw a fit and have to be carried into school by an aide, 5) sit under a table during classtime, 6) not listen to an adult in authority over him, or 7) interrupt during storytime.

 

 

My question is whether this behavior occurs all the time and in various situations - e.g., on weekends, getting ready to go places other than school, etc. If it only occurs when going to school, and especially if it is gradually escalating as the school year goes on, I would respond very differently than if this was behavior that happened all the time.

 

If he is utterly miserable going to school, I don't see these as unreasonable ways for a 6 year old to express his frustrations and his need for something to change. Whether he is not being challenged by the academics, frustrated by the lack of appropriate physical outlets during the day, overstimulated by the sensory input, or otherwise, he is still forced nonetheless to go and be in this environment for 7 hours a day 5 days a week with no accommodations being made to meet his needs.

[SarahW]

Based on your descriptions, yes. :001_smile:

 

 

 

Are you sure he's working at the appropriate level? He's in the accelerated class, but you said he's declared his homework easy. In my experience, kids shut down/tune out when the work is too easy or too hard; they need to be in that sweet spot for them (which can be a fairly wide range). When they're working at the right level, suddenly they'll become focused and engaged and happy learners. I'd try out some other, more advanced, materials at home. And he may be at the right level in some subjects but not in others.

 

ETA: And I'll agree with the chorus that says bring him home!

 

 

I've looked at Gifted sites before, and other than the fact he's doing math and reading at about the level of half-way through 2nd grade, he doesn't really "wow!" me. He's actually pretty ambivalent about these things. But looking at some characteristics further down the line here: http://nswagtc.org.au/home/106.html?task=view makes me wonder if his "gift" is a bit less obvious. He likes systems, which is where the interest in Science comes from, and he likes constructing shapes. We have a ton of Lego's, and lately he has started making his own three-dimensional constructions that include moving parts that do things. I don't know if this is "normal" or not.

 

I'll have to read through those sites more. But there's so much on Hoagies, I'm overwhelmed!

 

Tibbie, your ramblings are helpful. Thanks!

 

Glory, he does have a problem doing what he is told if he wants to be doing something else. The set structure of school is probably high on his dislikes. He's usually pretty good about following directions after he makes sure his complaint his heard. The worst is when he is concentrating on doing something and then it is time to go do something else. Sorry, kid, sometimes that's just life. But he's not always completely obstinate, and when he is he feels the consequences. :o

[Arcadia]

Glory, he does have a problem doing what he is told if he wants to be doing something else. The set structure of school is probably high on his dislikes. He's usually pretty good about following directions after he makes sure his complaint his heard. The worst is when he is concentrating on doing something and then it is time to go do something else. Sorry, kid, sometimes that's just life. But he's not always completely obstinate, and when he is he feels the consequences. :o

 

 

You might want to read the book "Raising your spirited child" (http://www.parentchildhelp.com/books.cfm?MID=117)

 

Both my kids are highly spirited. The older however dislikes changes and thrive on structure.

[PeterPan]

The worst is when he is concentrating on doing something and then it is time to go do something else. Sorry, kid, sometimes that's just life. But he's not always completely obstinate, and when he is he feels the consequences. :o

 

No! Not, sorry kid. It's Parent get the clue he's giving you. He's not TRANSITIONING. There's a name for it, and it's something you can HELP. You get the right word, you learn parenting techniques. You bridge the gap. Life doesn't have to be a constant battle. You HELP him obey by setting him up for it. You don't set him up for failure by putting him a situation he's not likely to succeed at. You TEACH him how to do what he needs to do.

 

BTW, although the structure of this particular school isn't working, that doesn't mean NO structure will work. Structure is a huge buzzword with these kids. It means clear expectations, knowing what's coming next. This can be huge with kids who have transition issues. So the problem is not that there's structure but that it's the *school's* structure.

[SarahW]

No! Not, sorry kid. It's Parent get the clue he's giving you. He's not TRANSITIONING. There's a name for it, and it's something you can HELP. You get the right word, you learn parenting techniques. You bridge the gap. Life doesn't have to be a constant battle. You HELP him obey by setting him up for it. You don't set him up for failure by putting him a situation he's not likely to succeed at. You TEACH him how to do what he needs to do.

 

BTW, although the structure of this particular school isn't working, that doesn't mean NO structure will work. Structure is a huge buzzword with these kids. It means clear expectations, knowing what's coming next. This can be huge with kids who have transition issues. So the problem is not that there's structure but that it's the *school's* structure.

 

Sure, but I'm just saying that he has a really hard time stopping in the middle of something. If I tell him he can finish it later he freaks out, "no, I can't do it later! I have to do it now!" Nope, later. I do employ various things to help him manage, like warn him, "okay, you only have ten more minutes and then you have to stop." But he just has trouble focusing, except for the times when he has super intense focus, and feels like breaking concentration will make everything fall apart.

[Chelli]

 

Sure, but I'm just saying that he has a really hard time stopping in the middle of something. If I tell him he can finish it later he freaks out, "no, I can't do it later! I have to do it now!" Nope, later. I do employ various things to help him manage, like warn him, "okay, you only have ten more minutes and then you have to stop." But he just has trouble focusing, except for the times when he has super intense focus, and feels like breaking concentration will make everything fall apart.

 

 

He sounds like my oldest. Best thing I ever did (based on the advice of these boards!) was to buy a copy of the book Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer? It is my daughter to a "T"!

[cdrumm4448]

 

Sure, but I'm just saying that he has a really hard time stopping in the middle of something. If I tell him he can finish it later he freaks out, "no, I can't do it later! I have to do it now!" Nope, later. I do employ various things to help him manage, like warn him, "okay, you only have ten more minutes and then you have to stop." But he just has trouble focusing, except for the times when he has super intense focus, and feels like breaking concentration will make everything fall apart.

 

My son was just like that when he was younger. He was doing important work, and I needed to understand that. We did work on transitioning (you have 10 minutes, then you really have to blah, blah, blah) but the biggest thing to do is respect the work. That doesn't mean he always got his way and he ran the show. It means you value his work. Today, he is a person who respects YOUR work. He is totally understanding when you're in the middle of something important. He finds it easy to wait.

 

And keep in mind, I am a person who usually strives for and enjoys first time obedience.

[Garga]

Well, OP? What are you going to do? Pull him out? Or wait? I hope you pull him out.

[PeterPan]

 

Sure, but I'm just saying that he has a really hard time stopping in the middle of something. If I tell him he can finish it later he freaks out, "no, I can't do it later! I have to do it now!" Nope, later. I do employ various things to help him manage, like warn him, "okay, you only have ten more minutes and then you have to stop." But he just has trouble focusing, except for the times when he has super intense focus, and feels like breaking concentration will make everything fall apart.

 

No one is underestimating what you're saying. Your ped can do some screenings for you (EF, spectrum). You can also read books like Bright Not Broken or The Mislabeled Child, which attempt to sort out what is giftedness and what is SN. You can have a dc who is 2E=both.

 

BTW, doesn't change what I was saying. The more intense they are, the more important it is to understand the right words for what's happening and learn how to work with them.

[shinyhappypeople]

I strongly suggest listening to this Andrew Pudewa lecture: Teaching Boys and Other Children Who Would Rather Make Forts All Day Good luck with your decision :)

[Walking-Iris]

Gifted? Probably. From some of your other descriptions I'd want an eval for Asperger's as well. I'm not trying to alarm, but anxiety, hiding under tables, freaking out if interrupted, interrupting to talk about the desert facts, sensory issues. He could be 2E. And personally having a child on the spectrum myself who has anxiety and just shuts down in crowded areas and situations...I'd just pull him out. Concentrate on getting an eval referral, start reading all you can about various developmental issues (gifted, aspergers, spd etc) and just spend the rest of the year reading and playing with him. Do his basics each day, reading and math and let all the other stuff, science, etc just happen naturally.

 

Also about K work...imo it doesn't matter to me if a Kinder is still learning letters, reading CVC words, or building compound words, they still need short 20-30 minute lessons and then they need to go climb a tree. Movement is a must for their little bodies. Just because they're bright doesn't mean one has to overly stress academics over just being a 5 year old at the park, kwim?

 

Also expect him to deschool and get used to being at home and you'll also need another transition when you move. Especially if there are developmental issues, you want to dial in how you'll address that in your new home state.

 

About not listening...my oldest would be (and is at times) the same way in that sort of situation. It wouldn't be a discipline issue in our case. He wouldn't be willfully not listening, he would be shutting out stimuli as a survival mechanism. From your op it just seems like the school environment is overwhelming and i feel that if there are underlying issues that compound that overwhelming feeling you would be doing an academic disservice by forcing a kid to stick it out. He very well may be unable to deal with it. At home you can start to figure out how what is going on and still keep his learning intact. Gifted children(as well as 2E children or children with Aspergers etc) are very asynchronous in their development.