redsquirrel Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 My 7 year old and I have been at 6s and 7s for weeks. I have spend a couple evenings in tears telling my DH that I don't want to teach him any more. He has been argumentative, negative, and I haven't exactly been a pargagon of maturity either. He has been sent to his room during lessons so many times that he was wearning a path in the floor. Well, I discovered the secret to peace. If I pick whatever subject has been the spark to our tinderbox (these days, math) and tell him "sweetheart, if you are cooperative and pleasant during math I will give you a mini-marshmallow" he is a delight to teach. Then, the rest of the school day is a breeze. We are getting along, he isn't contradicting everything everyone says, he isn't acting out in an attempt to get out of lessons. All for one mini-marshmallow. This is so embarrassing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Bribery is an acceptable alternative if it breaks a negative spiral. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Usually I'm not keen on bribery as a parenting method, but a single mini-marshmallow? Good grief! Just do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purpledaizy Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I'm ashamed to admit, but our enrichment/afterschooling is highly dependent on incentives. :blushing: We've moved on from small edible treats for very short term behavior and onto LEGO sets for months-long projects. Works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 That is funny. I could see something similiar happening with Eldest. When he is starting to spiral into the grumps then pretty much any bribe will bring him out of it. It could also be something he would get anyway. It makes him feel in control. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyhomemaker Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Not an educational thing, but I'm currently using mini marshmallows for potty training little dd. She will do just about anything for a marshmallow. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnib Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I was just listening to SWB's lecture on homeschooling the real child and she endorsed using bribery to get over rough spots. Her reasoning was that we reward ourselves for doing something we don't want to do, so why not the kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
natjen05 Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I also started praying with my child that God would help me teach correctly and in the way that she can understand it. I also pray for patience and understanding. Then we pray for the child that she listens carefully, learns her material and that we both would have a great attitude about the whole experience. One day I was so frustrated I asked her if she wanted to get up every morning and go back to ps. She got this funny expression on her face and she said '"No way." Things are much better now. I still lose cool, but I tell ya God has helped me work through most of our problems. With a little help from God things have worked out great since. She actually will tell me "Mom, we haven't prayed this morning..." haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrookValley. Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Usually I'm not keen on bribery as a parenting method, but a single mini-marshmallow? Good grief! Just do it! :iagree: Oh heck yeah. And anyone who tells you they wouldn't resort to something similar to get through a rough spot is lying or has never parented. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poiema Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Wow, now I have got to try this! We have had many of those days lately. BTW, what does being "at 6s and 7s for weeks" mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I once had a music professor tell those of us in her piano pedagogy class that bribery was an unethical form of motivation and we should not use it on our students. Two months later, we found out that her daughter, a freshman in high school, wanted to quit piano lessons due to a particularly difficult concept she was attempting to master and said brilliant professor offered her dear child a very expensive, designer sweater in exchange for not giving up. :glare: I personally think that we can't expect young children to understand the instrinsic value of an education. Certainly most adults do not go to work and put in long hours for nothing. So, a little reward here and there is a wonderful thing for a youngester. During one particularly harried homeschool year in which I really needed my "minions" to give me an extra high level of efficiency and motivation, I created the A'list wall. Every 90% or higher on any test, quiz, or writing assignment received a star (post-it note type), every day completed with a good attitude received a star, every time an older child assisted in keeping the three year old away from me while I gave the five year old a reading lesson, earned a spot on the A-list. Every time the "team" achieved 500 (which with four kids and several subjects for the middle schooler, plus the regular basics for the youngers, didn't always take long), they earned a freebie day and pizza for supper. It was a very good year! :D Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I use stickers on a shape on the wall for persevering through an assignment without fussing or crying over it. DD just plain likes collecting them. It's one of those "school things" that she felt she needed to have, I guess. So, I have a bunch of construction paper cutouts in different shapes, and she picks one, and then covers it with stickers. When it's full, she takes it down and puts a new one up. I buy stickers at 75% off after holidays, and save the freebies that come in the mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Well I certainly hope you get one too! I bet more than the actual marshmellow itself, it is that it gave both sides the permission to just break with the negative cycle. Sometimes especially with younger kids, I think we just get caught in cycles - a kind of habit of upset - and we just need a reboot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I know I like bribes. If I ever have to do a bunch of chores beyond the daily norm. Or I just don't feel like it I bribe myself with a can of coke. I don't stock it in the house since I drink it to fast. But when I earned it I walk down to the store - which is one minute away and I buy 1 can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreviFive Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 We use chocolate chips. Whatever works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 Are you embarrassed that your son can be bribed, or embarrassed that his price is so low? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 "Are you embarrassed that your son can be bribed, or embarrassed that his price is so low? " hheee hehehhhehe hheee hhehheee If only that low price could be locked in for life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deniseibase Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 If it makes you feel better, we actually have a quart jar full of m&ms, gummi worms, jelly beans & candy pumpkins that we use on a pretty much daily basis. Sometimes it's a reward for finishing a particularly difficult task, but just as often it's a bribe to stop some behavior that is annoying me - at the first grade stage, if it works to get the day done well & smoothly, I don't care if we call it a bribe or not, I'm doing it! :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 My dd will do anything for sugar, really anything. Recess pb cups are the favorite, but sugar in all its many forms will work. I have to admit I've never tried a mini-marshmallow though. That might be below her cut off. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted December 4, 2012 Author Share Posted December 4, 2012 Are you embarrassed that your son can be bribed, or embarrassed that his price is so low? :lol: Well, now I think about it, this might be it. 6s and 7s means not getting along. What I should have said is we have been at each other's throats. But, that just makes me so sad, because he really is just a little boy. These past few weeks have been terrible, just terrible. I did have the "If something doesn't change then I am going to have to put you in public school because our relationship is going to suffer" conversation. It brought about pleading and begging, and things did ease up for a day, but then went back to the way they were before. He likes treats and little special things. He loves it when I knit a hat for him, or cut his food into little shapes etc. He is actually a very mature and well behaved child, but he likes it when I baby him a teeny bit. So, I think a little treat gives him an excuse, like someone mentioned up thread, to change his behaviour. I have been ok with working towards a reward, but this is the first time I have ever resorted to flat out if->then bribery. Hopefully it will wear off soon and we can carry on without the bribe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted December 4, 2012 Share Posted December 4, 2012 I'm not anti bribery, I just don't want my kids to associate food as a reward. I bribed my dd6 this afternoon with being able to go outside to play if she would write her numbers by 5s and by 10s up to 100. She has been whining all day about counting nickels, dimes, and quarters in math. She can do it, she just needs to practice it until she is faster so it doesn't take f o r e v e r . Suddenly something she has been whining about not doing all day is done in about 5 minutes. Normally my early grades don't have to ask to go outside on a beautiful day. But normally they don't fuss with me about counting either. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 DD's kryptonite is a sugar cube. A single, lowly sugar cube. And she's so sweet that she'll come up to me and say "Mom, can I sneak a sugar?". She asks permission to sneak something! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I'm at the point I'm ready to bribe the 14yo with $1/day just to do everything he's supposed to do that day. I really don't think that's expecting too much from him at this point, but still every.single.day is a huge battle to get through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 5, 2012 Share Posted December 5, 2012 I am not above a little bribery. And one marshmallow? You're getting off cheap! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 Alvin is the only one who needs bribery every once in a while. The only thing that works for him is holding his ball python for additional minutes between subjects. Sigh. He is *such* a boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 That is funny. I could see something similiar happening with Eldest. When he is starting to spiral into the grumps then pretty much any bribe will bring him out of it. It could also be something he would get anyway. It makes him feel in control. Yes! My oldest is like this, too. She would probably happily practice her instrument for a single mini-marshmallow. Will try this.... hmm..... I agree with Julie, it's the not feeling in control that brings on the grumps, and the feeling in control (I can GET that marshmallow!) that brings them out of it. Wow. So simple. Is this a trait of firstborns? My husband is a firstborn. Hmm.... will try this on HIM, ha ha ha ha. Now, where are my mini-marshmallows? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PentecostalMom Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 I'm not anti bribery, I just don't want my kids to associate food as a reward. <snip> I agree with this but different strokes for different folks, right? My 6yo dd's bribe of choice is not food, but a craft and I hate messes. Trying to work on this... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pod's mum Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 It's NOT bribery. It's POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT. Which is a good thing. :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingmama Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 My DD was like that for MONTHS. Finally I told her that for every subject she does without complaining or crying I will give her a stamp and when the sheet is full (usually takes about a month) she can choose a treat at the dollar store. Worked like a charm - in 4 months I haven't had to refuse her a stamp but a few times. Honestly - a little treat or the the negatives of having mum yell at you every day - I think the treat will do less damage in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 I'm at the point I'm ready to bribe the 14yo with $1/day just to do everything he's supposed to do that day. I really don't think that's expecting too much from him at this point, but still every.single.day is a huge battle to get through. You might like the book The Entitlement Trap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 You might like the book The Entitlement Trap. I'll look it up. Thanks for the suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted December 6, 2012 Share Posted December 6, 2012 <snip> I agree with this but different strokes for different folks, right? My 6yo dd's bribe of choice is not food, but a craft and I hate messes. Trying to work on this... Hey, Pentecostal Mom -- As one Pentecostal mom to another, I wish we lived closer! Maybe your six year old crafty daughter and my nearly 8 year old crafty daughter and my nearly 6 year old crafty twin daughters could all get together for a CRAFT PARTY!!! Imagine, four little girls, snipping away... At your house.... ! (runs away laughing hysterically) Seriously, though, the reward of choice for all three of mine involves glitter, glue, TAPE, paper, scissors, TAPE, ribbons, sequins, TAPE, and did I mention TAPE? I've recently discovered that it really helps if I make myself a pot of calming herbal tea before I let the crafters loose with said materials. Be oblivious. For an hour. You can do this. The key is to let go of control. Be oblivious. If you need some control, set a timer. I do this, or they would snip and glue and TAPE all day. When the time is up, we all clean up, but they are getting much better about doing this independently. They are creative, and that's a good thing to develop. Now, where is my TAPE? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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