emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 So.....I have pretty much fell off the face of the earth for the past few years (cyberly that is).....we left the country for awhile and eventually relocated to a very, very rural area (like 156 people in town and we live outside of it). You know when you are having a conversation with someone or in a group "hanging out"and you say something and there is that strange silence that follows? Well that happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I TALK; and I am not even kidding. It really has been a lonely existence out here for lots of reasons....politically, religiously, cutlurally...you name it. We are pregnant with our 6th; our oldest is 13, then almost 12, 7, 4, and the baby is 18 months. Our oldest two started public school this year. There are 28 kids in the entire k-12 school. Two of the them are mine and 4 of them are foreign exchange students. 1 6th grader (my son) 1 7th grader, 2 8th grader (one of which is daughter)...1 9th grader, no 10th grader, 5 11th graders (4 exchange students) and 2 seniors. Just to set it up a bit for you. The biggest reason we decided to enroll them is because of our isolation. There is a town that is about 25 miles away with 2 homeschool families and the next nearest is 45 miles. I really felt that I could not provide my kids with what they needed socially out here. I also very much liked the idea of the small school and I truly thought they could work with us because of the size....oh gosh I dont even know where to begin this.......this accidentally posted; I finished, sort of, below. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Towns that small usually don't take well to outsiders. It sucks, but, well, there it is. Beyond offering :grouphug: I'm not sure what to tell you. Just keep trying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I accidentally posted the above without finishing. At this time we truly feel torn about what to do. Academically they are not struggling at all, straight A's, except an F..yep F in music. The teacher is a bit crazy and really, really felt threatened by us....she bullied our son the first few days of class and we had a meeting about it and she lied and we had to explain to her that we have had them at home with us their whole lives...traveled the world together, etc....and when it comes down to it...we will believe them, we just will. One thing led to another and there was a lot of he said she said going on so we thought it best that we meet with her, the children, and the superintendent.....well she lasted about 5 minutes in the meeting, as long as it took for me to offer the children tell their side of the story and as soon as they started talking she stormed out of the room (yes the superintendent let her) saying she would not be attacked in such a way and she had better things to be doing with her time......so....the children are not in her class anymore, per my request, until the teacher can sit down with us again and have a conversation......remember there are 4 total kids in the class. This is issue number one I guess. No apologies have been made to anyone involved.....she subbed for my son last week in his math class (noone asked me). She feels she deserves an apology......and we are very, very, very sad about them missing music. We love music; part of what drew me to the school. One example of her behavior...she had them practicing for their concert...first time no books and they messed up, bad...according to them....she became irate and sat 3 of the 4 kids down and told them they would not perform and then worked with one kid (the one she said was trying for the rest of the class time).....!!! a lot of this stuff is just details, really and not sure how much they matter. The week became very long for us.....at the beginning especially. The bus ride is an hour long; they are gone from 6:30 to 4 every day!!! It was a huge, huge transition for our family.......so I brainstormed and decided that fridays are a short day and often occupied with sports stuff, ffa, etc...and requested (strongly) that they miss fridays. I explained they would be responsible for all of their work and what they missed, but that we just needed the extra day. I thought it was okay, really.....we have been in communication with everyone involved...we had parent teacher conferences last week and noone said anything negative about it really. Some of the teachers talked about their concerns, but were positive....then this week...they had a staff meeting about!!! the town is mad.......noone thinks its fair, people are wanting to take it to the4 board and I think the teachers are feeling the pressure and are sort of making up drama to keep town people happy..I dont know speculation for sure.....but darnit I am frustrated..... they dont get it.....all details aside, I feel so, so, so frustrated; like banging my head against the wall. It is like they have concluded because we decided to enroll our children in school that we finally "got" it, you know? Like the lighbulb finally came on and we figured out what was best....which is not the case.......at all!! When they think like that there is no room for empathy or the effort to try to understand where we are coming from. I swear it feels like we are in Morocco again, but worse because we speak the same language...I am sick with what to do. I am over it...really. However, I dont feel like we have a lot of options. And.....it is not all horrible. Several of their teacher love to teach...they are ones with passion and I really think my children enjoy them and vice versa. I think it is good for them to be exposed to others and their ways of thinking and learn how to navigate through it, even when we dont agree. Think....crunchy, natural, world travelers with no TV, beatup toyota vehicles, spiritual, LOTS of kids (for the area)...homeschoolers......maybe a bit "leftist", but then again maybe not.....verses very, very traditional rural montana "redneck", very conservative, farming and ranching, school is their life!!!!! for real...it is the center of their community......... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 triple post; geesh sorry. After reading it all; it is clear that I dont really have time, eloquence, or brainpower enough to portray the situation. My hope is that someone will read it and know what I mean because they ahve experienced it and have something helpful to say. Maybe I should ask.....would you homeschool your kids in you lived an hour from any sort of group? 30 minutes from other people even? Maybe, maybe I could drive them somewhere 1 day a week.....not a lot of outside family or friend invovlement because of geogrphaic isolation.......how much social do they need? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 double post; sorry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I hear you loud and clear. Four years ago we moved to a town of 3,500 people. I thought, given the fact that the town's largest employer often recruits outsiders, we would be welcomed here. I thought two college-educated veterans would be welcomed. I thought our regular attendance and volunteering at church would be looked upon with favor. I thought my ability to speak to the lowest of the low and highest of the high (socially) would be a benefit. I thought my well-behaved (ish) kids would be an asset. I thought I was moving to Mayberry. I now realize I moved into the Twilight Zone. The natives are hostile. No amount of smiling and kindness on my part will remove the stain of "outsider". I never thought by removing my kids from the craptastic public school I was effectively d@mning us to the eternal blacklist. I thought, by force of personality, I could overcome the fact that we were born elsewhere. I thought if I was just nicer, kinder, thinner I would win people over. It will never happen. Thank God we have a large amount of outsiders here. I have been able to form a few friendships with other outsiders. They know how the shunning machine works. They appreciate me for who I am, not the place of my birth. And blessing of all blessings, I have finally found an incredible group of wacky ladies online who make me feel at home. I feel bad for my kids. They will never be accepted here because their parents weren't born here. They are incredibly flexible. As long as we don't involve ourselves in too many town activities, they really don't notice our blacklist status. I do have to tell them to keep our political views to themselves or else they will suffer, but they are pretty oblivious. Emeraldjoy, just find your niche. That may in fact be online. You are not alone in this type of situation. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I am being the bigger person. I will continue to be nice to the snobs. They will not run me out of this town. Eventually I may even grow on them. Hopefully your kids will not have to suffer like mine have. Sometimes just attending the local school, craptastic though it may be, gives you an "in" with small town society. I will remember your and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 This probably won't help at all, but can you move? Everything about your post makes me want to run away. I see 2 other options- a) go back to full time school and put up a huge stink about the music teacher until they fire her. B ) pull them out and do what it takes to make connections in the homeschool community. So sorry, that town sounds miserable. Eta: the board turned option B into a smiley, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Thanks for your time, prayers, and word Wendi. The first such that I have had in a long, long while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Thanks for your time, prayers, and word Wendi. The first such that I have had in a long, long while. Sister, I know. I just know. We had crazy drama with the local school before I just threw my hands in the air and pulled my kids. I live what you describe. I hear you! I understand! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Shannon 831...I suppose that is very important to mention that we fell into the deal of a lifetime on a property and amazing house...think 20 acres, barn, 3,000plus sf house for close to 60K...we love our home, all of us do. It is what we have always wanted....however, my instinct is to run too...far, far away. In fact we are thinking like work in a refugee camp in Turkey part time and here, at the home we love parttime....just not sure how to make that happen with 6 th child on the way....but I have thought of running so many, many times. It is hard to shake this house deal..I mean, like not think that it is meant to be and all that. That certainly compicates the issue furthe, thinking along those lines..... your option two is what I am seriously, seriously considering....even if it is driving an hour one way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dory Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I grew up 30 min from the nearest town and was homeschooled. It was a smallish town of 2000 although that's a lot larger than the town you are dealing with. I've grown up married and continued to live here for 10 years and I still feel like an outsider most the time. Most the families here have family connections or have been here for at least a couple generations so my family was the odd one out. The isolation was hard growing up, but I think it was preferable to going to the public school. My older three brothers went to school. I don't know what I'm trying to say here other than that I have and inkling of what you are trying to work with. I'm sorry. Small towns can be brutal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 you know what may possibly be the craziest thing about this all? The school is on its way out.....that is whay they have so many exchange students; just to get the numbers up.....they are stupid for not working with us.....we have 6 kids!!! I have not used that card yet though. I dont really want to...I dont want drama, I just want to do what is right..but boy howdy am I a just about ready to launch!!! I appreciate any and all responses on here....I have been craving any conversation about this at all!! Thanks so much for your replies, even if you feel like you are not saying much...you are!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I wish I could give you a big ole hug right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 While we don't live in too small of a town, but we feel just as isolated. Most folks around here were born and raised within 20 miles and so were there parents, and grandparents and greatgrandparents... And they are different from us spiritually as well and are very judgmental about it. So what I'm trying to say is I sort of understand the isolation. I would not keep fighting the fight. I'd find another resource and homeschool the kids. I think that your children will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lily_Grace Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think you're going to have to dive completely into one world or the other. The school doesn't seem to want/be able to lose the funding if their district hasn't voted on partial enrollment. As for the homeschooling, well, it's not as bad as you'd think. We've homeschooled without a group on an island in the middle of the ocean. We've done it with a support system we've built from scratch. We've done it with a large group. It doesn't matter in the long run. We've found our social time through other avenues: scouts, volunteering, camps, youth groups, sports, lessons.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I think you're going to have to dive completely into one world or the other. I think this might be spot on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 These threads always remind me why I would never move home to the small town I am from. Too many people there just don't like other people to be happy. Honestly, the real problem that your family faces is that you represent new ways of living and different ideas. Just the idea that family is more important than your kids long bus ride is revolutionary even though you may not see it that way. People there are resenting your ability to take charge of your own life. If you think it is important for your kids to go miss school on Friday, then you are saying that they are wasting their time by going to school on Friday. Your actions also suggest that maybe you love your children more than they love their children. I know the reality, you know it, but those people are threatened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Anne, you are spot on. I never considered other people's opinion when I made parenting choices. I never thought it mattered. However, the hostile natives are genuinely offended by our parenting choices. That just baffles me. We are by no means paragons of parental awesomeness. I don't make choices based on what others think. When you live in such a small town, everyone thinks they are connected to everyone else. That would be awesome if everyone was helpful, but that just isn't the case here. Why do other people care so much about what we do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Right Anne in Ore...so, so right. We are kind people and maybe nieve in that kindess. I just keep on thinking that our integrity will outshine what you speak of....but the truth is, short of a miracle, it wont, at least not for a long while. Just by being who we are we threaten who they are, or at the very least, put them in a position to question it, which is uncomfortable for anyone to question their essensce. And...and, and.....we are not willing to compromise who we are to make it easier on "them" or even on us....that is the hard truth and I think when I accept it, I may find a bit of peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I don't really have much advice, just wanted to give you one of these: :grouphug: . Hopefully it works. I live in Turkey (funny you should mention it) and while I'm in a big city, it feels like a small town sometimes. Being a foreigner makes me the odd one out and Turks are very much in each other's lives. They don't understand me either, but after a number of years it is getting easier. I don't think driving ah hour is too much for a coop once a week, or even twice. Gear up, pack supplies (it is winter in the country, after all), and go. Pull the kids, smile to the neighbors, growl at the music teacher when you see her in town, and carry on. Of course, it's much easier to say than do, but you sound a lot stronger than I am. We're all here to listen when you need to scream. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I know...why, right? But I do think it comes down to feeling threatened by difference. If the kids dont go to school on fridays, I think it threatens the teachers credentials and job performance. It has to. If my kids can not go and still get A's then it is sort of making a statement that they (the teachers) are not all that neccesary; at least not on Fridays. I do understand how this can perceived in such a way and be taken offense to...however, if people understood our heart, that we are just trying to survive the best we can and it is not to offend or be difficult....oh my..... And earlier today I was thinking of how the teachers must feel getting two students in their classes who have never "formally" been taught by a trained professionals and yet know what they should and actually excel....that has got to be hard thing to swallow; it just does...gosh am I trying to understand this other perspective. I really am. I just wish they would give me the same level of respect. After the second week of school I saw a sign for a field trip the school would be taking and the public was invited with RSVP. I was so, so excited, of course, because it was something we could ALL do as a family and gosh I was missing that sort of thing. I went to the office to let them know we would be going...and we sort of got a dumb stare and then the oh...this is only for older kids speal, the younger siblings cant go.....like it was silly of me to even be asking in the first place. It was an old mining town, informal hike type of situation....I dont know, do I feel crazy for wanting to go or crazy for being upset that they didn't want ALL of us to go..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 iThanks for the words Hopscotch. My husband knows Arabic and we spent some time in Antykya trying to get into Syria in 2010. Now things are CRAZY there and we cant help but think maybe we should go back and spend some time doing some aid work. We loved it there. And this travel things has always put us into a different dimension it seems. Will you be there for a long time? Do you like it? Ultimatley we ended up in Morocco because we could not get into Syria. I was just thinking yesterday when I had the running away thoughts that maybe it is nothing more than an escape...it is easier to be wierd overseas...because it doesn't really matter what you do you are wierd, you can't help it...here though.....it seems that there should be some way to figure it out. But, we cant shake it that is for sure...wanderlust plagues us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 No, you are not crazy at all. My oldest dd started ps in upstate NY. Parents were encouraged to attend any and all events. We were invited to volunteer in the class as much as possible. They practically begged parents to come in and be partners in their children's education. I could volunteer AND bring along younger siblings. This was not a small school system! They routinely graduated 300+ kids every year. If we had not moved, all my kids would be in that school district. Small town Nebraska? Parents are discouraged from volunteering. They don't want you there. Just give money for the crappy football team and you are golden. And do not even consider bringing a younger sibling into the classroom when you are finally given access! To a holiday party! Not even an infant strapped to your back! We could discuss the fact that I have more books in my house that the high school has in its library. Or we could discuss the fact that my Class 5A school, the largest high school in Louisiana, did not have as nice of a football stadium as the 1A school that graduates maybe 60 kids has. Oh gosh I am venting my issues on your venting thread. So very sorry! I just want you to know that there are other people who are going through the very same thing. You are not crazy. Do not doubt yourself. You are a good person and a great parent. Really. Let the haters hate. Ignore them. Come here to vent. We will listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 With any luck i'll be here for a long time, forever would be nice. I love Turkey. Sometimes it's hard, yes, but I've fallen in love with the country and the people. DH is a Turk so I have in-laws and cultural expectations as the "bride" and can't get away with too much weirdness like some expats can. Travel, especially overseas travel, does put you in a different dimension, you're right. I constantly feel pulled between the US and here. It's very hard to explain to people who don't get it, and it sounds like you're in a town full of them. If you do continue to try to integrate into the small town community and its dynamics I fear that most, if not all, your work will be undone each and every time you leave for Antakya or Syria or wherever. They just won't get it in your town. It will be perceived as abandonment and the walls will go up again. Small towns are hard, and it sounds like you've got a doozy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giraffe Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Double post Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ondreeuh Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Emeraldjoy, I understand what you are describing. We moved last year to a native village of 64 people in the Alaska bush. It's very hard to describe - imagine a large extended family living on two streets, with a school at one end, the post office at the other, and the air strip out by the dump. The only way in or out is by plane or boat (minimum hour ride either way). This is tribal land, so no one can just show up and buy a house - everything is owned by the native corporation. Every person there is related to everyone else within a couple of degrees. They have their own norms and culture, and without the diversity in their community, there is just one "right way" to do most things in their eyes. So when we arrived, being non-native and employees of the school, we obviously did not blend in. One of my kids ended up doing very well because she was able to make fun of herself (and she is SO forgiving of others' faults!), but the other one I pulled out of school midway through the year. It was very hard. By February I had horribly offended half of the village because I chastised a student for refusing to feed the school animals on his assigned days during spring break, thereby requiring my daughter to go up to the school in the dark to do it. I told him that if he wanted to quit the "job" then he needed to let us know so we could find a replacement, but he couldn't just not show up, because the animals could starve and die and their project would be over. Well I had his aunties in other villages leaving me hateful messages on Facebook demanding that I apologize. It was a huge mess and even though I was 100% comfortable with what I had said, I was an easy scapegoat. Easier to blame the outsiders than to look at their own family dynamics that created such an entitled, selfish, lazy kid. By March we were told that the school board wouldn't approve his contract if the district offered him another year. We were floored, the district super and principals were floored, but we decided it was for the best and he resigned at the end of the year. The whole thing was really stupid, because they have to have 10 students to stay open, they had 11 and we had 2 enrolled. I have come to the conclusion that if the school closes, that may be for the best because the kids growing up there really don't have a chance to make anything of themselves. If they move to an actual functional town, they would likely be better off. This year they managed to get another student from a neighboring village, so they have 10. We moved this summer and now live in a town of 7000. I love it here! I can be anonymous (lol), no one cares about my business, and I don't need approval from anyone. The other residents are much happier here too, and people here come from all over so it is not clannish. My husband is considering a career move that may require him to live in the bush again, and I told him that if that happens then I'll stay here and he can fly home to visit us. It's one thing to be isolated and alone, and quite another to be actively shunned. Never again! If you can move, I would consider it. Or work on your online friendships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skeeterbug Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I just wanted to say we have a family in our hs group who lives an hour away. They don't have the choice to move closer because they are farmers, it is family land, etc. but they come in to town several days a week for various activities, it is just life for them and that's what they do. There are times they get overwhelmed and we won't see them for a couple of weeks. But it is worth it to them, there are no other hs near them. Our group has even come to them on occasion, and the kids have all loved running around on the farm. My first thought when I read this was to get those kids out of school, but I say that without having experienced this type of problem, so I'm not sure my opinion should count for much. Pulling the kids would make your family's reputation even worse in the community, are you all ready for that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryE Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 OK, now you guys have got me scared. I've been thinking of, planning, hoping for a move to what I consider to be a most charming place in rural VA. We've been there several times, gone to church, talked to locals, visited shops, restaurants and festivals. To me it looks and feels good, but what if we get there and we have a horrid experience? Ack! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 ...... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I am Team Move. :( Sorry. I know you got a great deal, but sometimes, you have to wonder WHY it was a deal. Ya know? :grouphug: I would move in two seconds because location is a big deal to me. The community has to be ok for the kids, or I'm outta there. If that isn't an option, I would homeschool. With 6 kids, you have your own socializing machine right there. If the school falters because they are too stubborn to work with you, well then, natural consequences. I would drive them to another area/ activity a few times a week - even one time per week, make it "away from home day" and get a bunch in that one day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I see alot of things in your situation and for a moment I am looking at the situation from the schools point of view. And from that point of view you are asking for a lot of special treatment. That does threaten people. Large or small, school systems are a beuracracy. Their agenda-no change. Maintain the satus quo. You are threatening the staus quo. Your choices are to either be part of the public school or homeschool. Maintaining a foot in the pool will eventually have a negative impact on your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 So sorry you have a difficult situation. Quickly-- I would drive an hour, no sweat. I would not expect a public school to allow you to take Fridays off. Private, maybe. Public, no. That would mean truancy, here. I would consider moving, but if staying put suits you, I'd homeschool. I'd use online services to provide some social outlet--do your kids already have pen pals/skype pals in other places? I'd consider doing work in another country part time during the year. I would see how self-sufficient I could become on my land (think homesteading w/o animals). Tons of hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Pulling the kids would make your family's reputation even worse in the community, are you all ready for that? oh gosh do I know this...sort of kicking outselves for even starting in the first place for this reason.....would have been way, way better than this; as far as the towns folk go.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 Kewb, I appreciate very much your perspective about the school. I have been trying to go there...I know that it is wierd and different and that just because of it being different there will be tension. I think that part of me felt that because it is such a small school (I mean small small) that they would be in a position to accomdate us a bit more. Moses is the only kid in his class and my daughter has only one other....I mean small...I guess I just thought that it must have to run a bit differently any way because of the numbers. I think that my expectations probably are what went wrong; they always do, dont they? Chris in VA; very much appreciate your post. As far as our hosue goes, it is not just the "house" I guess I should make that clear. It is more about a lifestyle that we have wanted to live for a long, long. We want a homestead and some acreage to do it on. I suppose I cant have my cake and eat it too, right? This has been part of the tension though, we love our property and our house and what it means for now and the future....the mountains where my greatgrandmother homestead alone, pregant with 5 kids are in our backyard!!!My heart skips a beat when I look at them; seriously. If it wasn't for this school thing..ha, ha!!!! I also think that part of our decision to enroll them was to make a way to connect with local folks; it seemed the most obvious way. again, expectations just got me big time..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 If that isn't an option, I would homeschool. With 6 kids, you have your own socializing machine right there. I love this, it is true. It really is. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 school is their life!!!!! for real...it is the center of their community......... This is your problem right here. School is the center of their community and you've come in and said your children are too good for it. Yeah, I know what isn't what you actually said, but that is what they heard. You are from outside and they don't like outsiders. And not only are you outsiders you are well educated, sophisticated outsiders. They are threatened and don't like it. Sadly there is nothing you can do and nothing you can say that will change their minds. Even if you were to fall in line right now it won't matter. Your youngest kids will possibly have a chance there if they go to the PS and make connections from K'er. The most you can hope for is that other outsiders move in. Then you will have someone sitting in your boat with you. We've moved from that town twice in the last 8 years. I was happy to leave both times. If it makes you feel better, remember that people like the music teacher don't leave because they can't make it in the outside world. The superintendent too. He wouldn't get elected anywhere else in the world except his home turf. Big fish, very tiny pond. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I have no personal experience, but what comes to mind is Christopher Paolini, the Eragon author who was homeschooled in the middle of nowhere. In a video interview, he showed his beloved mountains. He did talk about his lack of social group when growing up, but never complained about it, never missed having a 'gang'. "Since my parents didn't want to hold us back and also didn't want to stick us in school with children several years older than we were, they decided to homeschool us, which was quite a decision because it meant at any given time one of my parents had to be at home and couldn't be working. "I'm very grateful they did that because although I'm sure it's entirely possible to get an excellent education in a public school, being homeschooled allowed me to pursue my own interests and ultimately, by graduating early from high school, allowed me to write Eragon." Paolini doesn't allow himself to bother with thoughts of friends he might have made, proms he might have attended, teams he might have belonged to. "You can't miss what you've never had or experienced, really. I had friends growing up, there were other homeschoolers we were in touch with, so we weren't isolated and I've always been happily engaged in my own projects and pursuing my own goals so no, that's never bothered me," he says. "And I think one of the other advantages to being homeschooled is you don't have the experience of being ridiculed or made fun of for who you are and what you're interested in. You never learn to be afraid to pursue your own interests." http://www.couriermail.com.au/entertainment-old/books-old/paolini-hits-big-time/story-e6freqkx-1111117643931 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 triple post; geesh sorry. After reading it all; it is clear that I dont really have time, eloquence, or brainpower enough to portray the situation. My hope is that someone will read it and know what I mean because they ahve experienced it and have something helpful to say. Maybe I should ask.....would you homeschool your kids in you lived an hour from any sort of group? 30 minutes from other people even? Maybe, maybe I could drive them somewhere 1 day a week.....not a lot of outside family or friend invovlement because of geogrphaic isolation.......how much social do they need? What do your children think? Do they feel they need more social interactions? Are the interactions within their own family not enough? What about emailing / skyping with friends? Can they be involved in the community (even if it is 30 min-1 hour away) in other ways than school? 4H? Volunteering? Opportunities to explore their passions? FWIW, we live in a city, and drive 1 hour for most of my kids' activities. In your situation, I'd homeschool. There's nothing that you can do to be accepted in the community there anyway. Live your life, drive to the nearby towns, enjoy your property. :hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Praying for you, emeraldjoy! I'll BBL to talk more but I wanted to at least say that much. I hope you have a very good day with your family today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Maybe I should ask.....would you homeschool your kids in you lived an hour from any sort of group? 30 minutes from other people even? Maybe, maybe I could drive them somewhere 1 day a week.....not a lot of outside family or friend invovlement because of geogrphaic isolation.......how much social do they need? In answer to your question, yes, of course! In a family of eight, I really do believe your children are getting plenty of social interaction at home. You just have to not care if people think you're crazy. :) I am sorry you're having such a rough time, but please try to enjoy life, your family, and your great property. In grand scheme of things it truly, truly does not matter what other people think of you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Yes, I would definitely embrace driving an hour to activities. I attended a small, private high school which was a 45-minute drive one way. Many of my friends lived even further. We did the driving, and it was just a part of life. I don't think you'll ever make these people happy. Therefore you should do the things that fill your own soul. Go work out of the country just as you dream--you'll never, ever regret that experience for you or your children. Pull the kids out and homeschool. Attend homeschool conventions and look into some resources for getting some online friends. And yes, embrace the driving and find ways to make it productive time listening to stories on CD or doing homework on the car. In the long run it will be waaaaay easier than trying to connect with these small-minded people who feel so threatened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 This is your problem right here. School is the center of their community and you've come in and said your children are too good for it. Yeah, I know what isn't what you actually said, but that is what they heard. . yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 CleoQc....thanks so very much for your reply. I very much needed to hear what you had to say. very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 CleoQc....thanks so very much for your reply. I very much needed to hear what you had to say. very much. You're welcome, but I didn't say it, C. Paolini did. Straight from the horse's mouth :tongue_smilie: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJjA8609J30 first 90 seconds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 ooh, look at that ! Youtube embedding... It did mangle my last sentence though. I just said he mentions his upbringing in the first 90 seconds Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 What do your children think? :hugs wonderful, wonderful question. My oldest, a girl, has been ready to come home from the beginning. She has just been very gracious about it. A few complete meltdowns where she uses language like...I dont know how to be; I feel like I am going to split..... the younger child, a boy, is more "social" but is struggling because they have him paired with the 7th grader who is very "mature" Academically, my son is exceling...but he just wants to play with legos and talk about star wars...and this is "kid stuff" according to his one peer in the school..and, it would be social suicide to hang out with the younger kids, per my suggestion. Oh how I love homeschoolers and the philosohpy that is inclusive, as a rule, and is not based on age..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 What do your children think? :hugs wonderful, wonderful question. My oldest, a girl, has been ready to come home from the beginning. She has just been very gracious about it. A few complete meltdowns where she uses language like...I dont know how to be; I feel like I am going to split..... the younger child, a boy, is more "social" but is struggling because they have him paired with the 7th grader who is very "mature" Academically, my son is exceling...but he just wants to play with legos and talk about star wars...and this is "kid stuff" according to his one peer in the school..and, it would be social suicide to hang out with the younger kids, per my suggestion. Oh how I love homeschoolers and the philosohpy that is inclusive, as a rule, and is not based on age..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Kewb, I appreciate very much your perspective about the school. I have been trying to go there...I know that it is wierd and different and that just because of it being different there will be tension. I think that part of me felt that because it is such a small school (I mean small small) that they would be in a position to accomdate us a bit more. Moses is the only kid in his class and my daughter has only one other....I mean small...I guess I just thought that it must have to run a bit differently any way because of the numbers. I think that my expectations probably are what went wrong; they always do, dont they? I understand your thought process. When my kids were in school I often butted heads because I very much had the attitude that the school was my employee and they worked for me. Turns out I was very wrong about that. I just battled them for the right for my homeschool kid to participate on the high school swim team. Reawakening of the knowledge of how schools operate. I can only imagine the beuracracy has an even stronger hold on the school since it is so small. Change is bad in the school world. It sounds to me like bringing them home is where your heart is and that the kids agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Homeschooling 30-60 minutes away from activities is no sweat. We're not in such a small town, but it's small enough that there aren't many opportunities. There are more than a few homeschoolers, but we're not organized. The girls attended a co-op 45 minutes away for a few years. They're in an AHG group for all homeschooled girls. And Sylvia has run into a couple of other homeschooled kids in her choir. I drive 40 minutes away for gymnastics for Rebecca 3-4x/week. Sylvia goes once a week. It's just what I'm used to, so it's not a huge deal to me. I do agree with the posters who have said you need to choose one or the other. It's asking too much for the school to just excuse your kids on Fridays. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Double post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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