s/o teA thread

[Denisemomof4]

He was desperate. He just wanted a night off. :glare:

 

You have to admit.... Most husbands wouldn't be so brave as yours.

 

You know I'm kidding, don't you? But I still find it funny.

[DarlaS]

:lol::lol::lol:Really??? A husband who asks his wife to talk about her feelings???:smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5:

;)

 

Is that what it takes? :tongue_smilie:

[dbmamaz]

ok, cant read 20 pages but . .i totally had the opposite. there were many times in my teens and 20s where I had no interest . . but mid 30s? I was crying my eyes out because my husband was turning me down, and then i was single for several years, and it was DEFINITELY my most thirsty decade!

[dbmamaz]

Yeah, why don't they ever show the very un-sexy waddle to the bathroom with the hand between the legs? Or is that only me? LOL They always collapse on the bed afterward and just lounge around, but I cannot stand the thought of a wet spot. :ack2:

LOL we have a box of tissues on the headboard . . . he hands me two before he . . . um. . lays down. and has one or two for himself, too. My waddle is with two kleenex between my legs! I hate wet spots. i will seriously make him lay on it (or cover himself with it) if he leaves one lol

[DarlaS]

nm

Edited September 15, 2012 by darlasowders

[DragonFaerie]

(I can't believe I'm going to talk about this publicly. I might delete this later....*deep breath*)

 

My DH and I have talked quite a bit about how men are microwaves and women are ovens. Women generally need some time to preheat which can look different for each person, even from day to day. Desire for a cuppa can change due to lots of different factors, and sometimes pinning down the exact cause can feel darn near impossible. Over the years DH and I have been both in sync, and desperately out of sync with each other. There were even several seasons where I wanted teA a lot more often than DH.

 

But in the last few years we have been in a drought. Neither one of us is happy with the situation. Some roadblocks we can figure out (those darn kids!:tongue_smilie:), but the biggest one doesn't have any easy fix. I had to have my ovaries removed because of an ovarian cancer scare and now I'm 8 yrs post-menopausal, at only 43. The side effect is very low/no "girly" hormones which makes teA very painful, which the body wishes to avoid both physically and emotionally. So far the only answer is localized hormone application, which I don't do b/c of all the hazards of synthetic hormones.

 

I wish there was an easy fix. I don't particularly want teA anymore, but it's a complicated mixture of hormones, pain and lack of interest because of the previous two. DH would like teA more often, but he's terrible at remembering preheating the oven, so that's another complication. But even if you removed all mental, emotional and environmental distractions, plus adding in plenty of preheating, have all the stars aligned, the hormones raging and both of us ready at the same time.....it's still physically excruciatingly painful for me. It has had an subtle effect on our relationship with each other. Thankfully our marriage is built on more than just physical compatibility, but I do often feel like we're roommates rather than a married couple. (I wish I could have a nice cuppa. *sigh*)

 

At the risk of TMI (and I may delete this later, too), your story sounds exactly like mine. I had a total hysterectomy due to health issues at age 35, and have now been through surgical menopause. Thankfully, I never had menopausal symptoms (hot flashes, etc) and my "female problems" were obviously cured. But I lost what little libido I had (which was never much to begin with). I did try hormones for a little while but they did nothing, and truthfully, hormone therapy scares me. Anyway, my husband turned out not to be the man I thought he was. Instead of standing by me, he left. Apparently all the rest of our marriage (our home, our children, the life we built together) was not nearly so important to him as his..... well, you know.

[Denisemomof4]

At the risk of TMI (and I may delete this later, too), your story sounds exactly like mine. I had a total hysterectomy due to health issues at age 35, and have now been through surgical menopause. Thankfully, I never had menopausal symptoms (hot flashes, etc) and my "female problems" were obviously cured. But I lost what little libido I had (which was never much to begin with). I did try hormones for a little while but they did nothing, and truthfully, hormone therapy scares me. Anyway, my husband turned out not to be the man I thought he was. Instead of standing by me, he left. Apparently all the rest of our marriage (our home, our children, the life we built together) was not nearly so important to him as his..... well, you know.

 

I am so sorry for you. How awful.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have been with my dh 25 years, married 23. He knows this is not in my control, and it is completely out of the norm for me, and we work through it together. You and your children deserved the same.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[DragonFaerie]

I am so sorry for you. How awful.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I have been with my dh 25 years, married 23. He knows this is not in my control, and it is completely out of the norm for me, and we work through it together. You and your children deserved the same.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Thanks. We're doing okay. I don't really know what to say when my kids wish their dad was still here, but for the most part we're getting by. I had several discussions with my ex about the problem but I could never make him understand. I even likened it to being physically injured. I asked him once if I had become paralyzed in some horrible accident, would he leave me because I couldn't have tea anymore. You know what he said? "I don't know. Maybe. I want what I want." Ugh. Totally not much of a man, IMO. And I don't want to be alone forever. I just hope that a better man comes along one day. I do really miss the companionship.

[justLisa]

Thanks. We're doing okay. I don't really know what to say when my kids wish their dad was still here, but for the most part we're getting by. I had several discussions with my ex about the problem but I could never make him understand. I even likened it to being physically injured. I asked him once if I had become paralyzed in some horrible accident, would he leave me because I couldn't have tea anymore. You know what he said? "I don't know. Maybe. I want what I want." Ugh. Totally not much of a man, IMO. And I don't want to be alone forever. I just hope that a better man comes along one day. I do really miss the companionship.

 

 

I want to punch him for you :glare:

 

You are FAR too good for that.

[DragonFaerie]

I want to punch him for you :glare:

 

You are FAR too good for that.

 

Thanks. I had a hard time being mad about it (I think I was stuck in sad). It always helps when people are mad on my behalf. Makes me feel like I'm not such a broken loser.

[dangermom]

I want to punch him for you :glare:

 

You are FAR too good for that.

 

:iagree: I am hereby revoking his man-card.

[justLisa]

Thanks. I had a hard time being mad about it (I think I was stuck in sad). It always helps when people are mad on my behalf. Makes me feel like I'm not such a broken loser.

 

 

Oh Ok now I'm gonna give YOU a swift kick.

 

Chin up mama! No no no calling yourself that

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Thanks. We're doing okay. I don't really know what to say when my kids wish their dad was still here, but for the most part we're getting by. I had several discussions with my ex about the problem but I could never make him understand. I even likened it to being physically injured. I asked him once if I had become paralyzed in some horrible accident, would he leave me because I couldn't have tea anymore. You know what he said? "I don't know. Maybe. I want what I want." Ugh. Totally not much of a man, IMO. And I don't want to be alone forever. I just hope that a better man comes along one day. I do really miss the companionship.

 

He should walk around with a sign that says, "I am a giant t3sticle." What a jerk.

 

I hope I didn't offend anyone by saying that I didn't think it was "normal" for her not to desire sex. There are certainly all kinds of reasons, physical, mental, and emotional that are tied into intimate relations with another person. In an otherwise healthy person in their early 30's, having no libido seems unusual to me. Early 30's is certainly not the end of the reproductive cycle for most women, so a sex drive should still be there. I'm not talking about not "feeling" like having s3x because of external issues like exhaustion, frustration, anger, or boredom with your partner. I was referring to the lack of desire to have intercourse at all. That would seem like something to talk to the doctor about. It could be hormonal, it could be something else.

[DragonFaerie]

He should walk around with a sign that says, "I am a giant t3sticle." What a jerk.

 

 

Thanks for the support. And sorry to the OP. Didn't mean to hijack!

[Nestof3]

Honestly, I've pretty much always had this problem since having kids (I was 27).

 

I don't believe I'm unusual whether that is normal or not. I only know there really is no magical answer to it. Talking to a doctor does and fixes nothing. I've talked to 2 and was pretty much told there isn't much that can be done. And it's too risky to do hormone therapies.

 

I'm now 38 and I think I'm nearing the end of my reproductive cycle. My mother went into menopause in her early 30s. I've had a lot of signs. I kinda wish my friend would go away anyway.

 

Hoping not to sound too shallow, but a glass of wine helps me.

[justLisa]

Hoping not to sound too shallow, but a glass of wine helps me.

 

I end up drinking the whole bottle and pass out so that one doesn't help me all that much :tongue_smilie:

 

Well not really an entire bottle.....but it makes me tired

[Nestof3]

I end up drinking the whole bottle and pass out so that one doesn't help me all that much :tongue_smilie:

 

Yikes. Yeah, don't do that.

 

Since I'm sharing tips, I'll just mention a couple things that help me. I've mentioned before that I have experienced high levels of interest before. I think I would have more if I were more thrilled with dh. But, these things have helped.

 

Being the one to initiate. For some reason, when he suggests it, it seems so much more blah.

 

Wearing something black and sexy.

 

Watching a romantic movie or reading a romantic book. Now, if I'm mad at dh, this doesn't work.

 

Finally, I have practically no need. Once we get going, I'm ready.

[Julie Smith]

Being the one to initiate. For some reason, when he suggests it, it seems so much more blah.

 

(Directing this to whomever thinks this might work for them)

If this works, then let dh know that. Tell him that if he leaves you alone to brew for a bit you'll come asking. And if he does A, B, or C then it will decrease the amount of time you need to brew before you jump him. But the more space you have knowing he wouldn't initiate the more relaxed, comfortable, happy you feel about initiating.

[DragonFaerie]

:iagree: I am hereby revoking his man-card.

 

 

This made me laugh. Thanks!

[Lori D.]

This website is a great wealth of information that is medically accurate (articles are all by female physicians) and also includes natural "remedies": Women to Women. Here is an intro article on low libido (s*x drive). You can sign up for the free monthly email newsletter.

 

As others have posted, there can be many contributing factors to decreased interest: diet, lack of exercise, high stress levels, not enough rest, lack of personal time/doing things that refresh YOU, emotional/relationship issues, hormonal imbalance, physical issue... I like the website I linked, as they give you specific information as a good starting poinf for addressing with your own physician, but also for pursuing some topics further on your own.

 

BEST of luck in finding the best solution that addresses your needs! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Lori D.]

Ok, they basically want to sell their hormone supplements.

 

I just use their info as a springboard for my own research.

[Pixjen]

Anyway, my husband turned out not to be the man I thought he was. Instead of standing by me, he left. Apparently all the rest of our marriage (our home, our children, the life we built together) was not nearly so important to him as his..... well, you know.

 

*sputters incoherently* :cursing:

[DragonFaerie]

*sputters incoherently* :cursing:

 

Yeah, that was my reaction, too. The incoherent party anyway.

[Alicia64]

 

OP, I'm in exactly the same boat. I don't know what to do about it. Unfortunately, it has been like this for a very long time. I do my best, but seriously it takes an incredible amount of effort on my part. And it doesn't seem to me like it should be that difficult and I'm kinda tired of having to essentially fake it, but yeah, that's where I'm at.

 

I haven't read all the gazillion pages on this thread but want to weigh in. I've never had a tremendously high teA drive, but it was definityly stronger in my 20's.

 

Now that my kids are a bit older (9) and I'm not crazy sleep deprived, we schedule twice a week. I get the kids to bed, I have a glass of wine and unwind. Dh takes a shower w/ some great smelling shower gel and I put on something pretty.

 

Still. . . I have the right attitude but that doesn't mean that every feeling from when I was 22 comes rushing back. I make twice a week work because it's so important to DH. And over time I've come to enjoy my class of wine and time with him.

 

HTH -- because I think you're totally normal and not unusual at all.

 

Alley

[Nestof3]

I'm just going to say this as well in case some ladies need to hear it. If you are not able to release in the typical manner, find out what it takes and tell your husband. There is no right or wrong way.

[KungFuPanda]

I skipped from page 8 to here because I wanted to point out that if you apply yourself, you can have a couple quick cups of tea in the time it takes to READ THIS THREAD.

 

This is a sore spot with me. I get it intellectually, but the advice to just do it anyway is just repugnant to me. Perhaps it comes from having been raped and used by men, but the thought of having to to do it even when I don't want it just because someone else "needs" to put his pen!s in me to feel love would make me angry and even less likely to want to do it.

 

I think it's clear to everyone that 'just do it' doesn't apply in your particular situation, but it's not bad advice for women in loving relationships with no history of abuse.

 

Yeah, but imagine you are not hungry at all. I mean you have absolutely no desire to eat and on top of that you feel like throwing up. And someone offers you a thick piece of heavy cloying chocolate cake and insists you eat it. You would have to choke it down. And meanwhile you have to act really happy about the cake and compliment the chef. It's kind of like that if I'm not in the mood. And if you don't understand that, I don't think you have the same problem (no snark meant, but I suspect some people really just don't get it).

 

I get it, but do you want to be right or do you want to be asleep? If you can tell your DH 'No thank you' and move on from there, then that's great. HOWEVER, if you get spun up about saying 'no' and it becomes a thing, you might consider that your anxiety may require more physical and emotional energy than if you'd just had that cup of tea an hour ago.

 

LOL

 

Ok, but I ask again, WHAT can be done? I did talk to a doctor about it and was basically shrugged off.

 

Get a new doctor.

 

I agree this could be a problem, but in my case at least, my husband has deteriorated with me so it's pretty even there. :lol:

 

If you're even, you win and it's not a problem. :D

 

But see, it's not that I'm unhappy about my husband's performance or that he is selfish or that he doesn't make it about me and what I want. Thing is I can't even get to the point of desiring/wanting any of it. So it's not like he isn't doing it right or the way I'd want. It's not like that at all. It's just that I'd rather sleep because I'm exhausted.

 

Really if my husband wants to turn me on, he could do the dishes or put the kids to bed. He doesn't so I only have so much energy. And that probably speaks volumes right there...

 

How old are your kids? If they are still little this could be a problem that time solves. When they're old enough to do the dishes and retreat to their rooms like typical tweens/teens you WILL have more energy.

 

Also, have you considered morning tea?

 

:iagree:

 

BUT, the problem there is that many women have never had one, or know how to have them.

 

They are quite heroin like, once you figure it all out.

 

:lol: "heroin" :lol:

 

Planning for me would be a total mood killer. I'd be anxiety ridden over the impending "date". I prefer spontaneous. It's just that spontaneous is difficult to pull off when you have kids.

 

Tell the kids you need Daddy to 'fix the plumbing' then goin the bathroom and turn on the faucet, shower, and fan. It's spontaneous, fun, the mirror is there, and you can check dh off your 'to do' list before dinner. :D

[TranquilMind]

blessedwinter: Yeah, why don't they ever show the very un-sexy waddle to the bathroom with the hand between the legs? Or is that only me? LOL

Laughing my head off here! YEAH! Real life is NEVER like TV or the movies! NEVER!

 

They always collapse on the bed afterward and just lounge around, but I cannot stand the thought of a wet spot. :ack2:

 

:lol:

[TranquilMind]

Well my mom recently went through that over the last few years. Now she says it only takes her about 45 seconds. I know right?.....talking to mom about it. That's just how we are :D

 

That's funny that you talk to Mom about it!

 

(Mom's right. The older you get, the faster you get....maybe it is because there is no time to waste!;))

[TranquilMind]

Hmmm, how do I say this? :confused:

 

But,....there are practices that some of us 'partake' in in which a wet spot is not an issue. :ohmy:

 

 

 

 

But not ...all the time!

 

Ow ow ow....never mind

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks. We're doing okay. I don't really know what to say when my kids wish their dad was still here, but for the most part we're getting by. I had several discussions with my ex about the problem but I could never make him understand. I even likened it to being physically injured. I asked him once if I had become paralyzed in some horrible accident, would he leave me because I couldn't have tea anymore. You know what he said? "I don't know. Maybe. I want what I want." Ugh. Totally not much of a man, IMO. And I don't want to be alone forever. I just hope that a better man comes along one day. I do really miss the companionship.

 

I want to punch him for you :glare:

 

You are FAR too good for that.

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

You know what? It's absolutely HORRIBLE that he did that you. He is not a man. He isn't. My dh? He researches this stuff himself. He educates himself and understands what's going on. He accepts it, we discuss it, we work through it together. THIS is what a real man does.

 

Your dh divorced you over a medical issue. What a disgusting slob. He also did this to HIS KIDS. I don't know how he can live with himself. What a selfish imbecile.

 

I'm really sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::iagree:

[Denisemomof4]

Thanks. I had a hard time being mad about it (I think I was stuck in sad). It always helps when people are mad on my behalf. Makes me feel like I'm not such a broken loser.

 

Broken loser would define your ex. NOT YOU.

[DragonFaerie]

You know what? It's absolutely HORRIBLE that he did that you. He is not a man. He isn't. My dh? He researches this stuff himself. He educates himself and understands what's going on. He accepts it, we discuss it, we work through it together. THIS is what a real man does.

 

Your dh divorced you over a medical issue. What a disgusting slob. He also did this to HIS KIDS. I don't know how he can live with himself. What a selfish imbecile.

 

I'm really sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::iagree:

 

Broken loser would define your ex. NOT YOU.

 

Thank you so, so much. Your kindness makes me cry.

[Denisemomof4]

Honestly, I've pretty much always had this problem since having kids (I was 27).

 

I don't believe I'm unusual whether that is normal or not. I only know there really is no magical answer to it. Talking to a doctor does and fixes nothing. I've talked to 2 and was pretty much told there isn't much that can be done. And it's too risky to do hormone therapies.

 

I'm now 38 and I think I'm nearing the end of my reproductive cycle. My mother went into menopause in her early 30s. I've had a lot of signs. I kinda wish my friend would go away anyway.

 

When I couldn't sleep last night I did some reading. This IS normal menopause stuff. I'm 49 and it took me all these years to simmer down.;). And I definitely DO NOT call it my friend. I can not WAIT to be done with the monthly plague.

 

I was not affected when younger but I know many women are. It is common, and I do agree that frequency made me desire it more. Back then.;).

[Denisemomof4]

Not shallow at all. Helps me, but problem is I need to drink a lot more than a glass to feel any different. And that's not a good thing.

 

That gets in the way for a pleasurable night for me.

[Denisemomof4]

This website is a great wealth of information that is medically accurate (articles are all by female physicians) and also includes natural "remedies": Women to Women. Here is an intro article on low libido (s*x drive). You can sign up for the free monthly email newsletter.

 

As others have posted, there can be many contributing factors to decreased interest: diet, lack of exercise, high stress levels, not enough rest, lack of personal time/doing things that refresh YOU, emotional/relationship issues, hormonal imbalance, physical issue... I like the website I linked, as they give you specific information as a good starting poinf for addressing with your own physician, but also for pursuing some topics further on your own.

 

BEST of luck in finding the best solution that addresses your needs! Warmest regards, Lori D.

I know two people who were helped by them. Tremendously. One went into menopause early from too many x-rays frying her ovaries. She had no lobido AT ALL for years. There's no holding her back now.;)

[Denisemomof4]

Thank you so, so much. Your kindness makes me cry.

 

I promise I am not being kind. I am being honest. Speaking the truth. Now that you know what you do about him, how coukd you ever want to be with him in ANY way again?

 

I hope some day you find a real man, one who will adore you and work through the tough things WITH AND FOR you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[DragonFaerie]

I promise I am not being kind. I am being honest. Speaking the truth. Now that you know what you do about him, how coukd you ever want to be with him in ANY way again?

 

I hope some day you find a real man, one who will adore you and work through the tough things WITH AND FOR you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You are absolutely right. It didn't take me very long to decide that I didn't even know him anymore, and what's more, I don't WANT to know him anymore. I could not want to be with somebody that cold and selfish.

[Impish]

My emotional state has way more to do w/TeA than my age, number of kids, or anything else.

 

We can, and have, snuck around here and there, helping do laundry ;) or whatever.

 

But, if my emotions are messed up, it wouldn't matter if we were in a 5 star hotel, kids a continent away, w/all the flowers, wine and chocolate in the world. Not gonna happen.

[Iamblessed]

Exhaustion and being stressed out really does not help my participation level! Especially when hubby would like tEa every.single.day! I find I just can't keep up and I'm in my late 30's. Schooling 6 children, trying to keep up with an active 17mo, making meals from scratch, driving teens to jobs and activities etc,etc.... Sometimes I feel like I can't even breathe :001_huh:

[Jenny in Florida]

I did talk to a doctor about it and was basically shrugged off.

 

Ditto.

[Jenny in Florida]

Ah ok. When my mother was my age I was 19 years old. My youngest is 7. Seven isn't little little kid, but it's definitely not 19.

 

I was doing this math for myself recently. I was an only child, and I was born when my mother was in her early 20s. My husband and I had our daughter when I was two months short of 30 and our son a little over three years later. So, I will be more than a decade older by the time my last kid is 18 than she was when I reached (chronological) adulthood.

 

And, mostly, I feel a lot younger than I remember thinking she appeared or behaved. However, in this one area, I'm pretty much a failure.

 

Like others, I usually avoid even reading these threads, because they make me miserable. None of the advice feels right for me. That whole "do it anyway" thing? Makes me want to weep.

 

And I get myself worked up into serious knots with the idea that I might feel more amorous if my husband helped more around the house. My problem with that is that I get so aware that he's helping in order to make me happy that I feel pressure to pretend to be happy. It's the same issue I have with gifts on Christmas and birthdays. I resent the expectations of the implied contract, and it makes me feel even more unhappy and uninterested.

[Carol in Cal.]

What if you made an agreement that if you turn him down he won't ask or hint or pressure you until you do the initiating? Maybe that would take the pressure off, and without it things might go better. It's sometimes easier to do something 'for' someone else when you don't have to. Instead of feeling like you owe him, you might feel like you want to be generous, or nice, or loving. Just a thought.

[Jenny in Florida]

Hoping not to sound too shallow, but a glass of wine helps me.

 

Sigh. I hate alcohol.

[stansclan89]

What if you made an agreement that if you turn him down he won't ask or hint or pressure you until you do the initiating? Maybe that would take the pressure off, and without it things might go better. It's sometimes easier to do something 'for' someone else when you don't have to. Instead of feeling like you owe him, you might feel like you want to be generous, or nice, or loving. Just a thought.

 

:iagree: This helps me alot. And that my youngest are now 11yo. Being able to get enough sleep since all the kids can get their own breakfast is the definitely other half for me.

 

In my early thirties I felt much like the op, but now in my early forties, with the kids older, and dh understanding that pressuring me makes it worse, my libido has increased considerably. dh is happy about that, but would like it to still double from what it is ;).

[Jenny in Florida]

What if you made an agreement that if you turn him down he won't ask or hint or pressure you until you do the initiating? Maybe that would take the pressure off, and without it things might go better. It's sometimes easier to do something 'for' someone else when you don't have to. Instead of feeling like you owe him, you might feel like you want to be generous, or nice, or loving. Just a thought.

 

Is this directed toward me?

 

If so, I have to say it's the most insensitive thing I've heard today.

[Nestof3]

Is this directed toward me?

 

If so, I have to say it's the most insensitive thing I've heard today.

 

I'm really trying to figure out what is insensitive about this. I think it springboarded from our discussion about feeling more desiring when it is our idea vs. a request. Even if not, I have found everyone trying to be empathetic and helpful. Well, excluding those blessed with insatiable hormones. LOL

[BakersDozen]

My problem with that is that I get so aware that he's helping in order to make me happy that I feel pressure to pretend to be happy. It's the same issue I have with gifts on Christmas and birthdays. I resent the expectations of the implied contract, and it makes me feel even more unhappy and uninterested.

This I understand 100%, unfortunately. :( This proved to be true for me:

It's sometimes easier to do something 'for' someone else when you don't have to.

 

My resistance to expectations/pressure in this particular area of life was so great, my marriage almost ended. The more I resisted, the more my resentment festered, bitterness grew, anger consumed me. It was a bad time that lasted a long time.

Edited September 16, 2012 by LuvnMySvn

[Refined by Silver]

I agree with many previous posters. Get checked. It's not normal for it to go on for an extended period of time. Longer than a month would have meant me running screaming to my Dr. My dh knows that for 27 days out of every month I expect teA or something teA related. I can understand if he is not in the mood or is grieving a death or something, but if we go more than two days without.....I worry.

 

I'm not sure how old you are, CyndiGirl, and that may be the difference, but to me that seems abnormal. :blink:

[Refined by Silver]

I agreeing that dreading sex with your dh is not a good thing. However, in the Church we hold the belief that Mary and Joseph lived in abstinence. Would we consider them any less married? I know I've also read of other Saints choosing to live abstinent lives after children and even sometimes join religious communities apart from each other. So, I think within our faith community (which I only say as I know you are Catholic as well) we should be careful to define marriage as requiring sex. We all have different paths, there isn't a one size fit all.

 

How did this work when they had other children? I'm curious to where that belief comes from. I've never read anything that suggested that. Do you know what text that your church has used to form that opinion from. Not trying to be argumentative, just curious.

[SwallowTail]

I'm just going to say this as well in case some ladies need to hear it. If you are not able to release in the typical manner, find out what it takes and tell your husband. There is no right or wrong way.

 

Some of you keep thinking that the lack of interest is somehow correlated to an inability to orgasm. For many, it is not. I have a couple every time dh and I dtd, but I could also totally live without it most of the time. I find it very difficult to transition from my distinctly non-sexy, non-sexual persona of SAHM/homeschooling mom during the day, moving beyond my chronic pain, and into anything that resembles a sexual being. The two are completely separate in my life.

 

I also prefer teA in the afternoon, and we have no chance for that anymore. Add in some hormonal issues, and the fact that dh is a stranger to me b/c we have no time together when we aren't exhausted, and I could go for months w/o it. (not that we do, but I hate the way it feels os forced.)