How often do you go out?

[kitten18]

Pretty much never. We live 1300 miles away from any family that could babysit, and a babysitter for an evening out would cost us $50-$75. That is just not in the budget.

 

 

I want to mention that we don't just go to bars to sit and pound drinks. My husband is a musician and we both enjoy live music, and bars are where the bands are.

 

That is understandable. Before kids, we would go out like that maybe once/month.

 

Now, we really like sports. In particular, college football. *If* we lived in home state (which would put us near family), I could see us going all the home football games.

[Mommyfaithe]

Dh and I go out pretty often compare to everyone else here it seems. We enjoy spending time going to concerts or music festivals etc about once month, more in the summer....We very rarely, or never go to bars. We also do other stuff, like get away for a weekend or even a short trip. Before kids, we were best friends, and we both try to buried that end of pour relationship. I think it helps me to get away sometimes...I NEED that.

 

My older kids don't mind watching the younger ones....they like when we go out because we will usually spring for pizza delivery and some fun treat like ice cream....and we let them watch a movie or play video games. That makes it special for them too:D

[BarbecueMom]

Several times a year we get dinner and sometimes a movie or sporting event, just us or with friends. We play golf a couple times a year sans kids. And there's the annual company Christmas party. Once or twice a year, my mom stays with the boys and we have a nice dinner and stay in a nice hotel overnight.

 

We spent so much time at bars and concerts during/after college that we rarely go beyond happy hour at Applebee's these days. We did try to get to a Foo Fighters concert last fall, but it didn't work out, not due to childcare reasons though. :sad:

[Mom-ninja.]

We don't. Ever.

 

We had our oldest 11 years ago. I can count the number of times we've been out (which means dinner) on one hand.

[happyhomemaker]

We hardly ever go out, even for dinner or a movie. We don't live near family, and we can't afford babysitting. Sometimes we get out when we visit family so maybe a couple of times a year. It's not that we don't want to go out, it's just a lack of opportunity and funds.

[EthiopianFood]

Never.

[LibraryLover]

My kids are older. We have lots of musician friends. I haven't been to " the movies' in ages, but we like music, dh plays for fun, and I travel with him ( work, not music) when I can. Some weeks we don't go anywhere, but this week, fi, we been out alone or with friends 6 times. Trying to average; maybe 3-5x / mo? Sometimes it's just a set and a beer, not a whole night out or anything. We don't often spend a bunch of money. I'm a homebody, but I do like listening to music ( his or friends'). Sometimes we have people over.

Edited July 15, 2012 by LibraryLover

[Delighted3]

My husband and I go out to dinner together at least once a week. We go out to dinner and play cards with another couple about every other month.

Joy

[laundrycrisis]

Once a year if we are lucky. We do not have any child care available. DS2 has special behavior-related needs and we cannot just hire a typical sitter, and we do not have any family here. When my mom comes for a visit we try to go out to dinner.

[SKL]

I agree with you. I'm not married, but I don't see married parents doing this except for (a) occasional holidays/special occasions and (b) obligatory work-related stuff (and usually both parents don't go to those). I hate to break it to your dh, but I think once you're a parent, the time for that kind of freedom is past.

[Kaleidoscope]

Going out for us means a meal (if we are splurging) and running errands. We never do a movie. We do this on average twice a year.

 

Per your definition? Ummm. I think twice in 20 years.

[SKL]

I too like listening to live music. But I take my kids with. Obviously not generally to bars, but there are other opportunities. Maybe if you look around you can find some family-friendly situations. Here, during the summer, we have outdoor music performances in various places several nights per week. There are also family-friendly cafes and such that have live music indoors. Maybe not the exact thing you prefer, but better than nothing (and generally free/cheap).

[marbel]

We got out to dinner occasionally, or for coffee, but I prefer the nights when we meet friends at a local pub. I do like getting out and listening to music, talking with friends, etc. We'd do it more often, but time and finances just don't permit right now.

 

It's just nice to do something different sometimes, we're not trying to escape our children. ;) It's nice to do something that adults do, with other adults.

[LuvToRead]

By your definition, we never go out. We may go out to eat twice a year. We also go Christmas shopping without the girls every year.

[Kelly1730]

We go out to dinner (alone) usually only for special occasions like b-day/anniversary. We get together with friends but kids are usually included. When my dd was home to babysit we were able to go out more often. Occasionally, my mother will ask to keep the boys overnight and we will take advantage of that!:) We might go out on an average of once every other month. We don't go to bars and any acceptable movies are few and far between so dinner is our outing of choice.

[Mommyof4ks]

We try to go out every few weeks, but we are not bar/live music types, so I do not know that our dates are what you mean. We just took up dancing, sand that has been fun, but I could not imagine going more than once a week, because our three kids seem to have things to do a few nights a week.

[Joanne]

OP, I don't think this is a crowd on which to get an accurate understanding of marital social norms.

 

This topic, and this thread in particular, features a huge example of the competition that exists in which families assert "better" by elevating the icon of "family" into an idol.

 

It's perfectly reasonable, healthy, and normal for adults to enjoy adult only time regularly.

 

As you've identified, it's also perfectly reasonable and healthy to discern times when our children need something different than normal patterns.

 

I am sure you'll find the balance needed to nurture/protect your kids while also enjoying your new marriage and needed adult time.

[AlmiraGulch]

I'm curious, why do dinner and/or movie not count?

 

Good question. I should have explained better. Dinner doesn't mean "date" for us because we eat out fairly regularly (with or without the kids). DH says that we'd be eating anyway, and in his mind that doesn't "count" as going out because food is a necessity, and for us going out to eat isn't really an "occasion" whether or not we have the kids.

 

I'm not sure why I excluded a movie. It made sense at the time but....never mind. I hereby decree that a movie does, in fact, "count". :D

[AlmiraGulch]

 

We did try to get to a Foo Fighters concert last fall, but it didn't work out, not due to childcare reasons though. :sad:

 

Funny you should mention this.....we just bought tickets to see Foo Fighters and Pearl Jam (two separate nights) in September. :D

 

I'm lucky to not have to worry about child care. My oldest daughter doesn't mind watching her younger sister, especially since I'll pay her if we're going to be gone more than a couple of hours.

[AlmiraGulch]

My kids are older. We have lots of musician friends. I haven't been to " the movies' in ages, but we like music, dh plays for fun, and I travel with him ( work, not music) when I can. Some weeks we don't go anywhere, but this week, fi, we been out alone or with friends 6 times. Trying to average; maybe 3-5x / mo? Sometimes it's just a set and a beer, not a whole night out or anything. We don't often spend a bunch of money. I'm a homebody, but I do like listening to music ( his or friends'). Sometimes we have people over.

 

This sounds exactly like what we like to do. I just don't necessarily want to do it as often as DH does.

 

The other thing is that I travel a lot for my job (DH works, too, and is home with the kids, so doesn't go with me). When I get home, I see it as I've been gone for 3 or 4 days or whatever, eating out every night and often entertaining clients, and want to stay home. He sees it as me having been gone for 3 or 4 days and now I'm home so he wants to do something with me.

[ChristyB in TN]

We have maintained a once a week routine since the kids were babies. More than once a week only happens during the holidays and it means I am having to attend obligatory crap so it doesn't count.:tongue_smilie: I hate the holidays. Recently, we have stopped drinking alcohol altogether to train for another marathon (possibly an ultra!) so our nights out consist of a run and a sweaty meal on a patio of a Thai restaurant. :D

[happypamama]

Never. Occasionally, one of us goes out to socialize with friends (though we're not bar/club types), but together, sans kids? Never. We've been out once in the past 4 years, to see a movie (and then we took the baby).

[Ellie]

When the children were home? Never, other than dinner out for our anniversary.

 

This November will be our 38th anniversary, BTW. :D

[Caroline]

I don't know... but I included dinners in my answer... I think... we rarely go to the movies (would rather watch at home & be able to pause when necessary).

 

I am glad I am not the only one who likes to watch movies at home so we can pause them!

 

We go out without kids probably twice a month. But usually it's dinner and often with another couple or two. We have a 17 year old son who invites a friend or two over to play Magic, The Gathering when we go out. They watch the little people for us. Sometimes all the kids from all of the couples gather at our house while we go out. It's fun for them--pizza from Mellow Mushroom and wii competitions.

[AHASRADA]

Funny, even when we lived close to extended family and the dc were little, we never instituted anything like a "date night", and rarely ever went out. We had littles and it just never occurred to us.

 

Once our eldest turned 13, we started leaving them home alone so we could buy groceries or do errands together (never more than 1 1/2 hours or so).

 

Just this winter (about the time of our 20th anniversary), we decided we should go out to a cafe every other week so we could have private "adult" time to discuss important issues, as well as to just talk and enjoy each other's company. This usually lasts 2-3 hours, although the dc often interrupt us by calling to ask about feeding toddler dd or when to take dinner out of the oven, etc.

 

Once spring arrived, though, it felt silly to go sit in a cafe when the weather was so beautiful. For the past 3-4 months, dh and I go for a walk at least 4-5 times a week for 45min. just before sunset. We usually bring toddler dd in the stroller, which gives the big kids a break, and still allows us private time for chatting. It's a great season in our lives and in our relationship.

[SKL]

OP, I don't think this is a crowd on which to get an accurate understanding of marital social norms.

 

This topic, and this thread in particular, features a huge example of the competition that exists in which families assert "better" by elevating the icon of "family" into an idol.

 

Nah, I don't think the overwhelming response you see here can be so lightly brushed off. We are a fairly diverse bunch, and also are aware of what goes on in other families. I come from a professional background and my parents are working class (not homeschoolers and both worked). I also observe what goes on in my extended family, neighborhood, and community. Parents of young kids rarely go out with any frequency (without the kids) unless it's related to their paid job. There are exceptions, but the ones I know aren't exactly respected in their communities (and not for that reason alone).

 

I dunno, as a working parent, I just don't feel the pull to leave my kids for the evening after not seeing them all day. Once in a while, maybe, but even then I don't like it much. I've quit prestigious board positions because they required meetings during my "family time." It's not about competition with other parents. I'm the last person to care what other parents do or think I should be doing.

[Caitilin]

We go out without kids about once a month on average. Sometimes we don't go out for a couple of months, and every now and then we'll get dinner out twice in one week. It just depends on what's going on. It's much easier once you don't have to get a sitter.

 

:iagree: This is what our date arrangements are like, basically. Our dds14 babysit the youngers for us. Also, once or twice a year, MIL takes all the kids to her house for the weekend, and dh and I can do whatever we feel like that weekend. ;) (I have a great MIL!:001_smile:)