goldberry Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 (edited) Anyone post this yet? It's not really about divorce, just parenting. It broke my heart... It's all I pray never to be. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kevin-a-hansen/confessions-of-a-divorced_b_1631504.html Edited July 6, 2012 by coloradoperkins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 That was so heartbreaking! :( I hope the people who need to hear that will find it and read it. (*I* needed the reminder, too!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Heartbreaking. No one stops to tell newlyweds that marriage is work, and our entire society is geared towards pushing kids away from parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Heartbreaking. No one stops to tell newlyweds that marriage is work, and our entire society is geared towards pushing kids away from parents. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Honestly, it didn't read as genuine to me. Life isn't as simple as "I only cared about myself." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verity Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 So sad. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Honestly, it didn't read as genuine to me. Life isn't as simple as "I only cared about myself." :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 By Anonymous? And mention of 'big screen' TVs as reason to work? Even as an at-home mom, I call BS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Honestly, it didn't read as genuine to me. Life isn't as simple as "I only cared about myself." Exactly, yes. I'm with you & itsheresomewhere. Thank you. I know I am not crazy. Makes me feel like I should go write an 'anonymous' and heartbreaking 'confession' about an abortion I never had. Will they pay me? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Exactly, yes. Thank you. I know I am not crazy. Makes me feel like I should go write an 'anonymous' and heartbreaking 'confession' about an abortion I never had. Will they pay me? My mom has told me very similar things herself (long before I was a sahm), she worked until well after we graduated. It is part of the reason I was so adamant to sah, I knew how much she regretted it. My parents didn't live lavishly but it is a huge regret of hers. Even though they weren't living it up she wishes they would have cut more corners, gave up more etc. That doesn't mean all woh moms are selfish or bad moms that will regret their decision but certainly some do. As I'm sure some moms feel that sah was a bad choice for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 My mom has told me very similar things herself (long before I was a sahm), she worked until well after we graduated. It is part of the reason I was so adamant to sah, I knew how much she regretted it. My parents didn't live lavishly but it is a huge regret of hers. Even though they weren't living it up she wishes they would have cut more corners, gave up more etc. That doesn't mean all woh moms are selfish or bad moms that will regret their decision but certainly some do. As I'm sure some moms feel that sah was a bad choice for them. Not talking about the 'regrets'. Poor and cliched writing that simply doesn't ring true is my issue. I think most everyone has regrets. That's not the point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 My mom has told me very similar things herself (long before I was a sahm), she worked until well after we graduated. It is part of the reason I was so adamant to sah, I knew how much she regretted it. My parents didn't live lavishly but it is a huge regret of hers. Even though they weren't living it up she wishes they would have cut more corners, gave up more etc. That doesn't mean all woh moms are selfish or bad moms that will regret their decision but certainly some do. As I'm sure some moms feel that sah was a bad choice for them. Sure, but I'll bet your mom's reason for doing what she did wasn't entirely self-serving. I'm sure that she felt it was good for more than just herself on some level. Maybe she now feels differently, but the article goes to motivation, and I'm just not buying it. If the author at least said "I felt it would be best for my kids to have the electronics and the college funds," I could almost stomach it. It is a nice opportunity for some people to pat themselves on the back, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 You know what I regret? I regret every crappy thing I've done to make myself feel better about my own choices by tearing down other people. I regret the times that I've assumed one way of living is best for everyone. I regret the mean-spirited interpretations I've made about other people's motives. I regret the times I've resorted to overgeneralizations and stereotypes to condemn people who are different from me. And I regret every second of time I've spent fretting about the Mommy Wars instead of looking for ways that families can support and help each other. I don't regret having a job. Nor do I think that my job will lead to child neglect, divorce, and heartbreak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 You know what I regret? I regret every crappy thing I've done to make myself feel better about my own choices by tearing down other people. I regret the times that I've assumed one way of living is best for everyone. I regret the mean-spirited interpretations I've made about other people's motives. I regret the times I've resorted to overgeneralizations and stereotypes to condemn people who are different from me. And I regret every second of time I've spent fretting about the Mommy Wars instead of looking for ways that families can support and help each other. I don't regret having a job. Nor do I think that my job will lead to child neglect, divorce, and heartbreak. Very well said... Life is just not that black and white... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 You know what I regret? I regret every crappy thing I've done to make myself feel better about my own choices by tearing down other people. I regret the times that I've assumed one way of living is best for everyone. I regret the mean-spirited interpretations I've made about other people's motives. I regret the times I've resorted to overgeneralizations and stereotypes to condemn people who are different from me. And I regret every second of time I've spent fretting about the Mommy Wars instead of looking for ways that families can support and help each other. I don't regret having a job. Nor do I think that my job will lead to child neglect, divorce, and heartbreak. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Honestly, it didn't read as genuine to me. Life isn't as simple as "I only cared about myself." :iagree: And the defeatist, "it's too late to do anything now," attitude, if the piece was genuine, sounded like just another excuse not to step up and be a parent yet again. Heart breaking, no. Self-pitying, yes. A piece of parenting propaganda...Possibly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Not talking about the 'regrets'. Poor and cliched writing that simply doesn't ring true is my issue. I think most everyone has regrets. That's not the point. I think it's the way the author seems to have given up on her relationship with her kids that makes it seem false to me. What parent, after having that kind of epiphany, would simply roll over and play dead in their relationship with their kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 The issue wasn't that she was employed, it was her attitude. Unless she changed her attitude when she quit her job, she would be the sort of stay-at-home parent who spends all day on the internet or watching tv or on the phone with her friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Not all full time working Mom are selfish and dedicate all their time working and having fun. I don't at least. I get up earl and in office 6AM so I can be with my kids afterschool and sports activities and then there are people all about having fun themselves// even stay home Mom, my sister decided she wants a divorce because she said she "deserve" to be with someone she loves..A week after they announce divorce, both of them have a "relationship" with somebody else.. she has a 6 and 9 yo and she was stat home Mom for 6/7 yo with a stay home nanny.. she is all about having fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Exactly, yes. I'm with you & itsheresomewhere. Thank you. I know I am not crazy. Makes me feel like I should go write an 'anonymous' and heartbreaking 'confession' about an abortion I never had. Will they pay me? I am cynical, I admit it, and I thought that was fake, too. I think it will hit a nerve with people because much of it is true, but I'm taking this one with a huge, heaping mound of salt because it read so canned. I do have these conversations with women. Girls who are in their mid 20s, plowing through law school/pre med and knowing they have YEARS ahead of them before they can start to have a life, or a family, and their clock is ticking loudly. I have the conversation with older, professional moms who wished they just gave it all up because now, at the pinnacle, it's not as pretty as it seemed it would be and the sacrifices weren't all worth it. But that's hindsight. So I think it's real, but I think that one is canned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Exactly, yes. I'm with you & itsheresomewhere. Thank you. I know I am not crazy. Makes me feel like I should go write an 'anonymous' and heartbreaking 'confession' about an abortion I never had. Will they pay me? I found myself thinking the same thing as I read. It was a bit too melodramatic. edited - oops, I wasn't thinking about writing an article, I just meant I also thought it was over the top and possibly just created to stir the pot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Whether the author of that letter is truthful or not I know many who have that attitude. Heck I know several within my own family. Not to the extreme of the letter, they still spend "some" time with their kids, but in general it is the push of work work work for more stuff. I have been deemed a failure in my family because I am at home with the kids. Even though I am working running a home business because I am not out making big bucks to spend on material goods I am a failure in their eyes. To those family members success is measured not by the family you create, but by how much your net income is. I don't think every working mom is neglecting her kids, nor do I think every sahm is 100% attentive, but I do think there is a portion of the population that works simply to keep up with the jones' and DOES push their kids away either consciously or not. 1 woman I know she works 3 jobs, her husband works 1. It is not a matter of needing the income of 4 jobs, it's a matter of wanting new "toys" all the time and needing to work to pay for them. Her kids are either in school or daycare all day, go straight from there to the next sitter several nights a week, and then every other weekend they stay at gramma's. That means some weeks she only sees her kids from 630pm-bedtime, 3 nights a week, and other weeks in addition to that she gets weekends too. School just let out last week in my area. SHe is already grumbling about wanting school back in session because the little girl starts Kindy and it will save her $ in daycare bills. quitting a couple of those jobs would also save money in daycare bills. I do know her situation quite well as we worked together, she lives down the street and I am the one that watches her kids on the weekends when her mil doesn't take them and she wants to pick up extra shifts at work. She and I have spoken quite frankly about working vs being with your kids quite often. Anyway all that to say, there is people I know irl that are like that author of the letter, only focus on working and what they can buy not on the family unit. It's not a working vs stay at home issue, it's not even a divorce issue, it is an attitude about parenting issue imo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 You know what I regret? I regret every crappy thing I've done to make myself feel better about my own choices by tearing down other people. I regret the times that I've assumed one way of living is best for everyone. I regret the mean-spirited interpretations I've made about other people's motives. I regret the times I've resorted to overgeneralizations and stereotypes to condemn people who are different from me. And I regret every second of time I've spent fretting about the Mommy Wars instead of looking for ways that families can support and help each other. I don't regret having a job. Nor do I think that my job will lead to child neglect, divorce, and heartbreak. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 (edited) So I think it's real, but I think that one is canned. :iagree: I think it's a situation that isn't all that unusual, but I do get the impression this is a fake letter. Within a month of the birth of my youngest, a co-worker of my DH and his wife had their first baby. When the babies were little we'd get together. She just finished med school. She has told me straight out she wished she'd never gone to med school and has maintained that view for the past 8 years. I wasn't even particularly close to this woman, but I think because I was well educated and gave up a good career to be home, I was an easy target. I've had several moms make true confessions along those lines about regrets I think because I made this choice. And honestly, none of those moms are the moms of this "letter". All are much more self aware and conscientious and honestly great parents. They just live with regret. My brother and SIL are pretty much the family in the letter. They separate on a regular basis and the adults in the house are pretty much in it for themselves. I don't expect them to ever be introspective enough to have regrets. Consequences of their actions happen and they react, without thinking through the whole situation. Don't get me wrong. Many of my closest mom friends are successful professionals and awesome moms. And some seem a little put off by the fact that we homeschool and I'm not pursuing a career honestly. ETA - I'm very much against the mommy wars. Every family and situation is unique. I am happy being home for the moment, but my situation could change tomorrow under certain conditions. I love this response to Time Magazine's article on breastfeeding (I think this is open permits). https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=386913678016509&set=a.144195262288353.27071.137355506305662&type=1&theater Edited July 7, 2012 by kck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Honestly, it didn't read as genuine to me. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie75 Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Hopefully, her kids are just in the late teens/early 20s and are too busy living their own lives to worry about her. Many people that age don't have time for their families, but eventually they grow up and come around. You have to be a pretty crappy mom for your grown kids to abandon you completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tohru Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 Wow. I can't believe that people would automatically assume it wasn't real. It was her words, she wants to be anonymous, so what. That doesn't mean she isn't real or that it's fake because she can't write well enough to convince others of her regret. It sounded real enough for me to whisper a prayer for her and any in her similar situation. OP, thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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