How do you hold teens accountable for screen time?

[HSMom2One]

With iPod and laptop access to the Internet, I'm finding it harder and harder to monitor and enforce limited amounts of screen time for my 13 yo. We need a system other than what we've been doing, but I can't come up with the right thing. Both she and dh think I'm being too rigid and strict, but I don't think so at all.

 

Dd's pc is currently out of service so she's been taking dh's laptop into her bedroom off an on for the past month. I find it really hard to keep track of how much time she's actually spending on it and her iPod because she says she moves around and does a lot of things during the evening between being in her her room and the bathroom every night. We've set a time limit of 2 hours for her each evening, but right now I'm pulling my hair out because I only have her word to go by. I have no idea if she's painting her nails, on the phone or what because she's staying in her room more and more. I want to trust her, but.....well, she's a teenager.

 

Each and every night after dinner she gets online and visits with friends who are in to anime and voice dubbing on youtube. They have a lot of fun and I've followed along as best I can. I understand that this time connecting with other kids is important to her because she is an only child at home and she gets very lonely. We live out in the country and there are no kids in the neighborhood for her to hang out with. I'm just at a loss as to how to handle this because it's becoming more frequent and less simple to oversee than it was when she was younger.

 

Thanks for your input, ideas and suggestions.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

Edited June 2, 2012 by HSMom2One

[black_midori]

Isn't there some way that you can track when someone is logged on to a computer? Just set it to log off automatically after a short time of non-use so that she has to keep logging in (that way time just sitting idle doesn't count).

 

You could also use a program that monitors usage & only allows it at specific times & for specific periods. For instance - I already had Norton, so when I decided I needed to become stricter with computer time I just went to their family security section & set up each computer the kids used to only allow them on between 7am and 8pm, 2 hours max on weekends & 1 hour max on weekdays. They are required to log in to their own accounts when accessing the computer. I don't have to fuss or bother with it - if they hit their time limit, the system automatically boots them out & that is that. I also don't have to worry as much about where they are visiting either, since I can limit what sort of sites they are allowed to visit (they are much younger, so are very limited in where they can visit).

 

Also, I would never allow a computer with full internet access into a private room for a child. That is just inviting "secret" issues, IMO. All of our computers are used in open, observable areas. If you can't do it in public, you shouldn't be doing it at all.

 

An Ipod is basically just a music player, right? I have no idea how you would track that - kind of like trying to track radio usage, isn't it? I guess if you are concerned about it, you could just allow it at specific times of day and take it away at other times...

[Joanne]

Mom? I think given her context (homeschooled, in country, an "only"), her age (teen and getting away from childhood) you need to give her some space.

 

I would not put a screen limit on a child who is not prone to screen addiction, who is completing their work, who is respectful, and who has interests in addition to screens.

 

I think trying to monitor her at a higher level would introduce more disconnect and frustration than it would offer in terms of good parenting.

[Amy in NH]

We choose a time limit. If it is exceeded, the laptop is confiscated (in theory). In practice, it's more like Joanne's advice. We're lax with the rules if the work is getting done to my satisfaction. I do want them to learn how to monitor themselves and develop self-discipline. Regardless, Wi-fi gets shut off at the modem at 11pm (except tonight because I haven't been home all day and it's my turn to take a break).

Edited June 2, 2012 by Amy in NH

[Lily_Grace]

Ds is 13. We don't allow computers in the bedroom - period. Laptop, Ipad, and PC stay in the common rooms. We have the computers set so that he has his own log in and access gets shut off at 8pm. (Ipad gets turned over at that point)

 

It's not that I don't trust my kid, but I don't trust the situations he could get into too easily online. There's no way I'd let him take a screen to a room where it can't be monitored.

[amy g.]

I could not agree more with Joanne.

 

I am giving my teens a chance to practice for adulthood while they are still under my roof.

 

I don't tell them when to use their electronics, or when to go to bed, and they are very good about doing their school work, helping with the house, the business and the little girls.

 

I can offer suggestions, but unless they are doing something illegal or dangerous, my time for monitoring them is over.

[61Keys]

I know where the on/off switch is to the wifi.

 

Just the other day nothing was getting done. I traveled upstairs to the big black box. All of a sudden I hear voices from every corner of the house and males came running. Chores suddenly became a priority as the big black box was sleeping until they were done.

[DawnM]

:iagree:

 

My oldest will most likely be going into some form of a computer job in animation or design, so as long as his work is done and I don't get the attitude, I am far more lax on his screen time.

 

Dawn

 

Mom? I think given her context (homeschooled, in country, an "only"), her age (teen and getting away from childhood) you need to give her some space.

 

I would not put a screen limit on a child who is not prone to screen addiction, who is completing their work, who is respectful, and who has interests in addition to screens.

 

I think trying to monitor her at a higher level would introduce more disconnect and frustration than it would offer in terms of good parenting.

[tori@thehomefront]

I understand your concerns...we are a *very* tech-heavy household. My ds 15 has a desktop pc in his room, and he and the younger boys have a laptop which they share. My dh set up our online security so that only a specific list of websites can be activated, so we know what they're doing online.

 

I fall into the "extrememly over-protective" camp when it comes to tech/online issues. The kids get a limited amount of screentime per day - 20 minutes for fun/gametime, and the 15 yo gets longer to indulge in his hobbies (graphic design and computer coding). But all computer use is done in the open - living room, bedroom with doors open, kitchen. Our policy is that dh and I can check anything we want at any time (histories, timers, email, etc.).

 

It may seem draconian to some, but it works for us, because it makes the rules clear up front, and there is total transparency. After all, if there is something ds15 is doing online that he would be hesitant to share, probably he shouldn't be doing it. (And that goes for dh and I as well, FWIW.)

[kewb]

I have been lossening the reigns with my 14 year old. He does have a laptop in his room but can only use it wtih the door open. I can see his screen. The ipod has been a bigger issue.

 

I have been trying to loosen up during waking hours but during the week on a school night I get all ipods and phones at bedtime.

[datgh]

Computers, etc. are where it is these days. My feeling is the kids need to know how to handle them if they are going to succeed in whatever career they choose. They also need to learn to manage their time wisely. Once they head off to college, I can't do it for them. As long as their school work is being done to my satisfaction, I don't limit time. They also have a couple of courses that are computer based and my son does one online so it would be hard to limit time. That being said they know I need to have their passwords etc. and have the right to look at their history whenever I want too. I am also their friend on facebook and am friends with many of their friends too so I can at least see what is going on with whom. There have been a couple of facebook friends that have been unfriended because I don't like what they are posting. We have discussions about it. Their have been a few days when "poof" the internet suddenly disappears when I felt I needed to make a point and yes there are usually screams but they get the message. Also, my kids only have cheap pay as you go phones. That is one area where I do draw the line.

Edited June 2, 2012 by datgh

[QueenCat]

I can offer suggestions, but unless they are doing something illegal or dangerous, my time for monitoring them is over.

 

:iagree:When I was stricter, they wanted to use it MORE. Now that I don't have rules about it, they tend to use it less, or at least not be obsessed about how much time they have left, or can they have a little more. Well, at least the younger one, whom I could restrict if I thought it was a good idea. The other is a college senior, living at home (commutes) but I wouldn't dream of dictating how he spends his time.

[Starr]

13 isn't 18. We have the computer in the living room. I've never been big on teens spending endless hours alone in their rooms.

[goldberry]

I struggle with monitoring DD13's time, but the one rule is she does not take the computer in the bedroom. Last night she wanted to watch a movie on her computer in bed, and so I let her do that. I monitor her history and have webwatcher as well.

 

She actually has expressed that she is glad I monitor as it makes it easier for her to stay out of trouble. Yes, I know that she needs to take more of that responsibility as time goes on, but it's a process, not an automatic switchover.

[Princess Peach]

Mom? I think given her context (homeschooled, in country, an "only"), her age (teen and getting away from childhood) you need to give her some space.

 

I would not put a screen limit on a child who is not prone to screen addiction, who is completing their work, who is respectful, and who has interests in addition to screens.

 

I think trying to monitor her at a higher level would introduce more disconnect and frustration than it would offer in terms of good parenting.

 

:iagree:

 

We have no limits on screen time for DS13 for the above reasons.

[dtsmamtj]

I know where the on/off switch is to the wifi.

 

Just the other day nothing was getting done. I traveled upstairs to the big black box. All of a sudden I hear voices from every corner of the house and males came running. Chores suddenly became a priority as the big black box was sleeping until they were done.[/quote.

:rofl:

[Kelly1730]

Our kids always used the computer out where everyone was, never in a closed bedroom. When my dd graduated from high school and purchased her own laptop that she used for her college courses, among other things, she was no longer monitored and could use it wherever she wanted to.

 

As another poster said, 13 is not 18 and I personally think a little accountability goes a long way.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Our rule has been and will be the use of computers and TVs only in the family room period. I also limit computer time to no more than 30 minutes tops if that a day. I also severely limit TV to occasional educational shows and family movies/shows on weekends.

 

I think too much screen time is detrimental to anyone. Instead I offer books and lots of other activities:D Needless to say, ds has read a ton of books;)

 

As for computer literacy, no problem:) We are teaching computer basics and programming to ds as well as how to keep safe.

[WTMCassandra]

I know where the on/off switch is to the wifi.

 

Just the other day nothing was getting done. I traveled upstairs to the big black box. All of a sudden I hear voices from every corner of the house and males came running. Chores suddenly became a priority as the big black box was sleeping until they were done.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

You go, girl!!!

[Jamee]

Norton can limit access????:001_huh: I'm going to have to check out the boys' laptops for this. Might be my solution for the summer. Due to their attitude, my boys just lost all tv and video games for the week. Ugh! I too need a better solution.:tongue_smilie:

[Jennifer in MI]

13 isn't 18. We have the computer in the living room. I've never been big on teens spending endless hours alone in their rooms.

 

This. We don't allow internet in the bedrooms. Period. Internet access is limited to the first floor of the house.

 

That said, I don't limit. My 14 yo has been on his phone a lot of the evening. I don't care. He spent most of the morning working on the field crew for our local Little League. Six hours, actually. He can have a couple hours.

[Lady Florida.]

 

Each and every night after dinner she gets online and visits with friends who are in to anime and voice dubbing on youtube. They have a lot of fun and I've followed along as best I can. I understand that this time connecting with other kids is important to her because she is an only child at home and she gets very lonely. We live out in the country and there are no kids in the neighborhood for her to hang out with. I'm just at a loss as to how to handle this because it's becoming more frequent and less simple to oversee than it was when she was younger.

 

 

:grouphug::grouphug: It can be hard to know when to let go and when to keep the apron strings attached. I firmly believe each child is different and you have to do what you feel is best for your family. But since you asked ;)

 

Ds will be 15 in September, and we no longer limit his access. We don't live in the country, but the few kids his age in our neighborhood go to school, then come home to chores and/or homework. He has limited time with them except on weekends. His brother is 20 years older so he's essentially an only child. He has his iPhone and laptop in his room (he was required to keep it in the main living area until about a year ago). In his case, he and his homeschool friends play Minecraft and some games on Steam on a server they set up. They have a lot of fun and I often hear laughter coming from his room. I'm happy he has this opportunity to connect.

 

Mom? I think given her context (homeschooled, in country, an "only"), her age (teen and getting away from childhood) you need to give her some space.

 

I would not put a screen limit on a child who is not prone to screen addiction, who is completing their work, who is respectful, and who has interests in addition to screens.

 

I think trying to monitor her at a higher level would introduce more disconnect and frustration than it would offer in terms of good parenting.

 

I could not agree more with Joanne.

 

I am giving my teens a chance to practice for adulthood while they are still under my roof.

 

I don't tell them when to use their electronics, or when to go to bed, and they are very good about doing their school work, helping with the house,

 

 

:iagree: At some point I won't be around and part of my (and dh's) job IMO is to help guide ds towards self sufficiency and self discipline. While he's still home, I can discuss screen time with him and try to help him see how managing his time can actually give him more free time to do the things he enjoys (including gaming).

 

:iagree:

 

as long as his work is done and I don't get the attitude, I am far more lax on his screen time.

 

Dawn

 

:iagree:We were getting attitude, as well as having to fuss at him to get his work done, about 1-1/2 years ago, and did limit his screen time. I don't know if the limits made him think or it was just plain old maturing on his part, but this is no longer an issue.

[black_midori]

Norton can limit access????:001_huh: I'm going to have to check out the boys' laptops for this. Might be my solution for the summer. Due to their attitude, my boys just lost all tv and video games for the week. Ugh! I too need a better solution.:tongue_smilie:

 

We use Norton 360, and if I double click & open it there is an icon in the lower right corner that says "online family". If you click on that it gives you a place to either get more info & set it up or log in to your account. :)