How many true friends do you have IRL?

[happyhomemaker]

3- 1 is my college roommate, 1 is my sister, 1 is my mom. None of them live here :(

 

I have never been the type to have many friends, but lately I feel completely friendless and isolated. I don't usually pick up the phone and call people or send long, personal emails, but I guess I should. I realized the other day that I don't even have anyone to leave the kids with in an emergency. That made me so sad! I supposed I just need to focus on acquaintances and hope that some of those pan out as good friends.

 

If you have made a close friend after college (sadly, I havent), how did you meet/ go from acquaintance to close friend?

[GingerPoppy]

 

If you have made a close friend after college (sadly, I havent), how did you meet/ go from acquaintance to close friend?

 

With one, we just let it unfold very naturally without expecting too much, but still making time to get together, and eventually we were just really close.

 

With the other, we enjoyed each others' entire families, so we kind of combined them (the families) and did a lot of things together, which helped us to get close very quickly.

 

With both, it helped a lot that we had dds the same age who became very close friends at the same time. And, needless to say, they are people I simply like, enjoy, and respect a LOT.

[Dustybug]

None. :(

 

I haven't had a close friend since high school. It used to never really bother me and I could deal with just having some acquaintances, but over the last 2-3 years with the circumstances in my life, I could have really, REALLY used a good friend. My DH is great, but some things require a woman's understanding, kwim?

 

I think my personality is just one that doesn't always mesh well with others. I'm pretty introverted at first, which tends to make people feel like I'm snobby/stuck up without getting to know me further. I am a talkative person and when I'm nervous, it's WORSE, so I think that's another thing that some people don't like. I'm pretty conservative as well and while I don't mind if someone is as conservative as me or not when it comes to friendship, sometimes I feel like others don't feel the same. It's been a rough time for me lately.

 

My phone was broken for 2 weeks and when I got it fixed I only had one voicemail....from my MIL. :glare: No one else had even called me at all. It was slightly depressing. I had some precancerous cells discovered last year and even though all of my "acquaintances" knew about them, not one single person called or asked me about what was going on. Really puts a damper on things.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

I am very close to my mom and two sisters. They all live close by.

 

My best friend of 20+ years lives close by and has children the ages of my oldest 2. (She married my husband's best friend.) (Her mother and mother-in-law also both live in town and I'm close to them.)

 

My mother-in-law lives close by. My in-laws are very special to me. I don't know about baring my soul, but they are so kind and willing to help out when we need them.

 

I belong to three book clubs that have some overlap as far as friends/communities go. One of my book clubs has been getting together for over 8 years, and we are very close. Our Classical Conversations community has been a tremendous blessing. I've really gotten to know previous aquaintances and friend better, as well as made new friends. One of my book clubs is a group of moms from our CC group. (My older sister, mom, best friend (occasionally her mom and mil), and two other close friends go to CC, as well.)

 

I have a couple online friends whom I talk with often, and to whom I could bare my soul.

 

I'd say I'm extraordinarily blessed. Especially for an introvert. :)

[Mommyfaithe]

As of yesterday, I have 1 less than I thought I did :(

 

:grouphug: I am sorry. It just stinks!

[Mommyfaithe]

Adding my me too to Faithe's. That includes you guys too, Faithe and Denise!

 

I have one friend who knows me through and through. She has seen my at my absolute worst, and still loves me. She is 485 miles away, but we see each other at least twice a year. We talk most every day.

 

:grouphug:

[Georgiana Daniels]

A few in town, and three who are not local.

 

Lots and lots of acquaintances, but so few people who we can mutually take time to really develop our friendship.

[icul8rg8r]

Four. Three live over a 1,000 miles away!

1. My sister (whom I miss dearly, but try to speak to every day!);

2. My best friend from high school (we talk maybe 3-4 times a year, and I only see her once every 5 years or so, but we pick up where we left off and go well into the wee hours!);

3. My best friend from college (both of us are on facebook, so we "talk" quite often; haven't seen each other in over 10 years, though).

4. And finally, another mom in the neighborhood with kids the same age as mine - it took a while to cultivate the friendship, but she's a sweety and we now see and/or talk every day!

 

I'm cultivating another friendship with my new neighbor. It really takes work when you're both adults of different ages, different interests (and in this case, even different religions). But I'm also enjoying the experiencing of getting to know someone and watching a friendship bloom!

[BMW]

Joining in late...

 

My mom is a very close friend, we usually talk 3-4 times a week.

 

My two best friends live far away.... one I met my first day arriving at college... the other is my mom's age and was an incredible friend to me during some very difficult years in Alaska.

 

That's 3.

 

I have other "friends" that I like real well and occasionally catch up with (as in, maybe once a year). We don't live near each other, but our friendships stand the test of time and when we connect, it is like picking up right where we left off... that would be two more... I count them as true friends...

 

That's 5.

 

I long to meet a "true" friend where I live... seems like since I moved here 5 years ago everyone I meet has their own lives and friendships and I have only "clicked" with one... a new neighbor across the street... our friendship is new, though...

 

If I start counting relatives that I like and get along with and my grown children, I can get a higher number, but it's not about getting the number higher, it's about "true friends". I do count my grown kids at true friends... along with another handful of relatives... that's four more for sure...

 

So, my final answer is 9 true friends.

[Cortana]

2 and I'm thankful for them both, especially as they are so welcoming and accepting of the boys.

 

Besides the fact that I do find it's true that when you have kids it makes it hard to have friendships, when you are parents to special needs kids it pretty much eliminates most every chance.

[Pink Fairy]

I have friends who are more than acquaintances, although I'm not sure what you mean by baring your soul. I did have a really, really close friend, but we "broke up" in November. It was hard at first, but I'm over it now. I am happily introverted, and my family, especially my dh and my mom, and my regular friends are enough for me, I don't feel deprived at all in the true friendship department.

[myfunnybunch]

Hmmm....My mom (1). My sisters (2) because they are friends too. My high school girlfriends (4). Two friends I've made since, one through my dd and one through my boys/homeschooling.

 

So...nine. Wow. Six if family doesn't count, although I do count my mom and sisters as friends as well as family.

 

I am so lucky.

 

Cat

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. :001_smile: Re. the kid issue. It is true that when my children were very small that most of my friend contact was on the telephone or by e-mail. As they got older, my kids would be part of our face-to-face visits. Now I'm finally at the point where I can go off on "friend dates" by myself. In fact, coincidentally, my oldest friend who I met when I was 11, just contacted me. We're going to go see a foreign film soon. That is something that only she and I would like to do, out of the people in my circle. I feel positively giddy!

[TranquilMind]

MariannNOVA:

I must agree -- this time last year I was actively and happily cultivating a friendship with another woman -- homeschooler, intelligent, funny, involved; our husbands got/get along great, our kids got along great...

 

I'm sorry. And I had the same kind of friendship - I thought, for about 5 years. Family friendships, where all adults and all the kids get along are SO rare. We even spent holidays together. So I could relate to this post.

 

We parted after some nasty words by her to me (text, of course) just last week (after a couple of previous partings, same pattern), ironically after HER kid hurt MY kid at a sporting event - intentionally slamming a ball into him (observed by others). Her kid has always been a bit of a bully, but we let events pass over the years, thinking surely he didn't mean it. The last event was just 6 weeks ago and I saw it myself. Her kid is older and larger, by the way. And she takes this opportunity to blame-shift, stating that of course it is always the fault of MY kid who (fill in the blank with his failings). No apology, no asking if my kid is all right (we had to leave because he was bleeding).

 

She has been holding things against me for years, I finally saw. She hates my kids and thinks they are a contaminating force in her life. She hates my parenting decisions (and I haven't always been right, for sure).

 

It just all became so clear, suddenly. I constantly overlooked things and didn't say things because she'd get really vicious and defensive if ever criticized. The criticism flowed one direction only.

 

Sad. So I know how you feel.

 

Looking for new friends - any takers? :tongue_smilie: I do have another family friend like that also, who has been my friend longer and IS actually a friend, accepting me (and us) the way we are, with imperfections. No judgment there. I kind of subconsciously let that friendship fall by the wayside for a bit, because - you guessed it - friend number 1, mentioned above, had issues with her, her parenting, her kids....

 

I'm seeing a pattern here. ;) Interestingly, a moment in time from many years ago just popped into my head; the three families, those of friend 1, friend 2 and my own, all went out to dinner. On the way out, friend 1's kid, as usual, was jumping on mine and pushing him and throwing snow at him. Friend 2 said something about it (unlike wimpy me): "Do you always treat your friends like that?" This was when Friend 1 became very angry and never got over it.

 

But when the chips are down, friend 2 is there, and loves us. Friend 1 was there when it suits her, and with lots of judgment.

 

Sigh.

 

Anyway, I've always had a friend or two through the years, but never loads. Real friends are very hard to find.

 

 

 

it was amazing that I finally was friends with another woman. I wasn't about to bare my soul to her or anyone else, and she wasn't about to bare her soul to me, but it was a very very nice, fun, enjoyable friendship that did indeed add alot of positives to dh's and my life.

 

'Something' happened. I have no clue what -- I have my suspicions...and there were two other women who did not like the inroads I was making with 'their' friend.

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

 

And that was the end of that -- long story short, there was an email that I received, and I was terribly hurt, and responded as someone who was hurt. This was in October.

 

That never helps, but you know what...I once waited THREE MONTHS to respond to a nasty email from Friend 1 above, just so I would NOT respond emotionally, but completely factually and non-emotionally. I edited. Waited a few days, edited more. Finally came up with what I thought was exactly what I wanted to say, the way it would be best received and maybe actually heard.

 

It didn't make any difference at all! :tongue_smilie:

 

DH and I have made more than a few attempts to mend fences -- her husband is clueless and clearly doesn't understand why the four of us aren't the way we used to be, and I have long since given up on the whole thing.

 

Yeah, the husbands really lose on this kind of thing. My husband is wonderful, gets along with everyone and everyone loves him. But HE doesn't get to see friend 1's husband any more because friend 1 has cut me off. Pathetic.

 

So - no, no soul baring except to dh who is the person with whom I am best friends anyway. Truth be told, I didn't need to be kicked in the teeth by this person -- I honestly wish I had not pursued a friendship with her.

 

I'm not sorry for what I had, but I am extremely thankful I never shared a couple of things. Like seriously.

 

And, oh, I am a good friend -- I don't get why she treated it all so shabbily.

 

I know how that feels, and I'm sorry.

 

I would never turn down someone who needed me to do something for them, but I will not ever pursue or enter into 'that' kind of friendship again.

 

Oh, I will. Ever the optimist, hoping that "this time" it can be better.

 

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

 

And all that sentimental jazz...

Edited May 20, 2012 by TranquilMind

[TranquilMind]

Hmmm....My mom (1). My sisters (2) because they are friends too. My high school girlfriends (4). Two friends I've made since, one through my dd and one through my boys/homeschooling.

 

So...nine. Wow. Six if family doesn't count, although I do count my mom and sisters as friends as well as family.

 

I am so lucky.

 

Cat

You really are...

 

My sister would have been there, but she died 25 years ago.

[Katiebug_1976]

As sad as it sounds, I really don't have any true friends IRL. Now, don't get me wrong, I have some aquaintances, and there are a couple that I could call in an emergency, but no one I could "bare my soul" to. The closest true friend I have is my mom and she lives 2000 miles away and there are even some things I don't feel comfortable talking to her about. Buy hey, it's life. This is where I am right now, and I know God does not give me more than I can handle. So I'm staying as positive as I can.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Threads like these always make me feel sad and lonely. They remind me that there's only one friend from high school that I even try to contact every year or two, and his wife doesn't seem very friendly toward either DH or I. And the only friend I made in all of college was my DH.

 

Then one of the few families from our old legalistic church that we thought were still friends with us (not close, but friends) dumped us last fall.

 

We're still friends with one family from that church and I did call the wife twice a few years ago when I was going through a really rough time. But I know that even if she'll listen to my problems, she will never open up to me. She would view it as gossiping or being unsubmissive or something. Plus, I'm closer in age to her teenage/college kids than her. So I don't think she'll ever really view us as equals.

 

I take a really, really long time to open up to people. And people are not naturally attracted to being friends with me, either. With everyone so busy, it's possible that I may never spend enough time with anyone to make another close friend until I'm elderly. That's depressing.

 

ETA: At a graduation party yesterday, I had to listen to my female friend listed above talk about how many party invitations her family has been getting and how they needed to turn down a bunch so they can get the house cleaned up. This was followed by a "not that I'm not complaining." They probably got more invitations to people's houses in two weeks than we do in a year.

 

What is the secret to being liked?

 

I wish I had never opened this thread. It's too sad to dwell on my social failures.

Edited May 20, 2012 by HoppyTheToad

[Denisemomof4]

Threads like these always make me feel sad and lonely. They remind me that there's only one friend from high school that I even try to contact every year or two, and his wife doesn't seem very friendly toward either DH or I. And the only friend I made in all of college was my DH.

 

Then one of the few families from our old legalistic church that we thought were still friends with us (not close, but friends) dumped us last fall.

 

We're still friends with one family from that church and I did call the wife twice a few years ago when I was going through a really rough time. But I know that even if she'll listen to my problems, she will never open up to me. She would view it as gossiping or being unsubmissive or something. Plus, I'm closer in age to her teenage/college kids than her. So I don't think she'll ever really view us as equals.

 

I take a really, really long time to open up to people. And people are not naturally attracted to being friends with me, either. With everyone so busy, it's possible that I may never spend enough time with anyone to make another close friend until I'm elderly. That's depressing.

 

ETA: At a graduation party yesterday, I had to listen to my female friend listed above talk about how many party invitations her family has been getting and how they needed to turn down a bunch so they can get the house cleaned up. This was followed by a "not that I'm not complaining." They probably got more invitations to people's houses in two weeks than we do in a year.

 

What is the secret to being liked?

 

I wish I had never opened this thread. It's too sad to dwell on my social failures.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

These threads also bother me because I know they make some people sad.

 

If you truly want friends, though, it is not going to happen without time and effort on your side. It just isn't. We all are busy but we do make time for what is important to us.

[MariannNOVA]

I'm sorry. And I had the same kind of friendship - I thought, for about 5 years. Family friendships, where all adults and all the kids get along are SO rare. We even spent holidays together. So I could relate to this post.

 

We parted after some nasty words by her to me (text, of course) just last week (after a couple of previous partings, same pattern), ironically after HER kid hurt MY kid at a sporting event - intentionally slamming a ball into him (observed by others). Her kid has always been a bit of a bully, but we let events pass over the years, thinking surely he didn't mean it. The last event was just 6 weeks ago and I saw it myself. Her kid is older and larger, by the way. And she takes this opportunity to blame-shift, stating that of course it is always the fault of MY kid who (fill in the blank with his failings). No apology, no asking if my kid is all right (we had to leave because he was bleeding).

 

She has been holding things against me for years, I finally saw. She hates my kids and thinks they are a contaminating force in her life. She hates my parenting decisions (and I haven't always been right, for sure).

 

It just all became so clear, suddenly. I constantly overlooked things and didn't say things because she'd get really vicious and defensive if ever criticized. The criticism flowed one direction only.

 

Sad. So I know how you feel.

 

Looking for new friends - any takers? :tongue_smilie: I do have another family friend like that also, who has been my friend longer and IS actually a friend, accepting me (and us) the way we are, with imperfections. No judgment there. I kind of subconsciously let that friendship fall by the wayside for a bit, because - you guessed it - friend number 1, mentioned above, had issues with her, her parenting, her kids....

 

I'm seeing a pattern here. ;) Interestingly, a moment in time from many years ago just popped into my head; the three families, those of friend 1, friend 2 and my own, all went out to dinner. On the way out, friend 1's kid, as usual, was jumping on mine and pushing him and throwing snow at him. Friend 2 said something about it (unlike wimpy me): "Do you always treat your friends like that?" This was when Friend 1 became very angry and never got over it.

 

But when the chips are down, friend 2 is there, and loves us. Friend 1 was there when it suits her, and with lots of judgment.

 

Sigh.

 

Anyway, I've always had a friend or two through the years, but never loads. Real friends are very hard to find.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sorry. I know it hurts.

 

 

 

That never helps, but you know what...I once waited THREE MONTHS to respond to a nasty email from Friend 1 above, just so I would NOT respond emotionally, but completely factually and non-emotionally. I edited. Waited a few days, edited more. Finally came up with what I thought was exactly what I wanted to say, the way it would be best received and maybe actually heard.

 

It didn't make any difference at all! :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

Yeah, the husbands really lose on this kind of thing. My husband is wonderful, gets along with everyone and everyone loves him. But HE doesn't get to see friend 1's husband any more because friend 1 has cut me off. Pathetic.

 

 

 

I'm not sorry for what I had, but I am extremely thankful I never shared a couple of things. Like seriously.

 

 

 

I know how that feels, and I'm sorry.

 

 

 

Oh, I will. Ever the optimist, hoping that "this time" it can be better.

 

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 

Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.

 

And all that sentimental jazz...

 

Wow -- I know that what happened to me happens all the time to others -- thanks for sharing -- i'm sorry for what happened to you.:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

As of yesterday, I have 1 less than I thought I did :(

 

sorry -- i know how that sucks.:grouphug:

[JumpyTheFrog]

If you truly want friends, though, it is not going to happen without time and effort on your side. It just isn't. We all are busy but we do make time for what is important to us.

 

I guess I wasn't clear enough. The problem hasn't been my family being too busy. It's the other families we try to get together with that are so busy. I'd say 80-90% of the invitations we extend are turned down because the other families are already booked up. We've even told a few families "pick any Mon, Thurs, Sat, or Sun in the next few months to come over for dinner" and they couldn't find a free one!

 

We spent Thanksgiving and Easter by ourselves (our families are too far away for short trips, so we see them at Christmas and in the summer). We didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving because I didn't feel like going through all that work just for us.

 

End of whining.

[MariannNOVA]

I guess I wasn't clear enough. The problem hasn't been my family being too busy. It's the other families we try to get together with that are so busy. I'd say 80-90% of the invitations we extend are turned down because the other families are already booked up. We've even told a few families "pick any Mon, Thurs, Sat, or Sun in the next few months to come over for dinner" and they couldn't find a free one!

 

We spent Thanksgiving and Easter by ourselves (our families are too far away for short trips, so we see them at Christmas and in the summer). We didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving because I didn't feel like going through all that work just for us.

 

End of whining.

 

 

:iagree:I have observed THIS (in red) alot. People get quite comfy with their norm and when someone else makes attempts to be included or enlarge their own or someone else's circle, no effort is made to allow this to happen. I think that alot of people love announcing that they are completely booked for the next 5 months. I think that it would be nice if people stopped and gave some thought to the possibility that perhaps another family is trying to enlarge their own little circle and would it be so awfully difficult to accomodate them?!

 

Off my soapbox now.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Our policy is to never turn down an invitation unless we absolutely have to. Our church meets at night, but we skip church if friends invite us over.

[MariannNOVA]

Our policy is to never turn down an invitation unless we absolutely have to. Our church meets at night, but we skip church if friends invite us over.

 

 

Sounds like you are doing everything you can. You need to meet a like-minded family.:grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I guess I wasn't clear enough. The problem hasn't been my family being too busy. It's the other families we try to get together with that are so busy. I'd say 80-90% of the invitations we extend are turned down because the other families are already booked up. We've even told a few families "pick any Mon, Thurs, Sat, or Sun in the next few months to come over for dinner" and they couldn't find a free one!

 

We spent Thanksgiving and Easter by ourselves (our families are too far away for short trips, so we see them at Christmas and in the summer). We didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving because I didn't feel like going through all that work just for us.

 

End of whining.

 

:iagree:I have observed THIS (in red) alot. People get quite comfy with their norm and when someone else makes attempts to be included or enlarge their own or someone else's circle, no effort is made to allow this to happen. I think that alot of people love announcing that they are completely booked for the next 5 months. I think that it would be nice if people stopped and gave some thought to the possibility that perhaps another family is trying to enlarge their own little circle and would it be so awfully difficult to accomodate them?!

 

Off my soapbox now.

 

That is sad. I am sorry for both of you.

 

While we never really turn down an invite, I do have my own walls up and am not looking for new friendships. It is not that I have plenty. And feel fulfilled, it is that my heart gets in the way, I get taken advantage of, and my own family wears me out enough. I have NO time at all for any friendship that isn't totally reciprocal, honest, and low maintenance these days. I hqve one friend I've known for three years now. I am glad she has been persistent because I *really* like her. She is the one I usually laugh so hard with that I cry. Or change my pants.:tongue_smilie::lol::lol:

 

The turn downed invites must be painful, but if friendship is important, don't give up!!!

 

We spend all holidays alone. Only my brother comes over. We have no family left, really! I always make a big fuss and cook way too much food. My kids look forward to this every year.

 

Marianne, I say this very gently, sweetie. I know your history (what you have shared) with your mom and sister. I think that comes into play sometimes with your friendships, too. I know I was always hurt easier when I was closely tied to the pain and hurt my mother and especially my sister caused. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: it is difficult for sure, and you have had some really cr@ppy things happen to you. You are generousk, kind and sweet. Don't let bad people change who you are, and especially don't let them keep you from trying to make new friends.

 

I wish I lived between you and Chris in Va. :001_smile: Hoppy, you could join us!

[chepyl]

I have 2 SILs that I could talk about anything with. One has been a close friend since we were in jr high. I know my other SILs would be there in a minute if we needed anything. We have a lot of fun when we get together.

 

I have my sister. When fought horribly growing up, but she is my best friend now. I have our babysitter growing up, we call her our big sister. (She is coming to see me after my baby is born and nothing excites me more!!!)

 

I have my roommate and two other friends from college. If I needed them, they would be here and I would be there for them.

 

I have two cousins that are more like sisters. We have been clise our whole lives.

 

I can tell my mom anything.

 

And finally, I have my friends from childhood. There were 9 of us by high school graduation. We have been down the road of what happens when we need each other and the baring of souls. We live all over the country (several of us have moved home), but when one of us was diagnosed with cancer, we had a girls night with friends flying in from around the country. It was as if jo time had passed. We ate, we talked, we acted like teenage girls ;) Then we got together a few months later for a baby shower. Our high school reunion is in October and I look forward to seeing them again soon!

[MariannNOVA]

That is sad. I am sorry for both of you.

 

While we never really turn down an invite, I do have my own walls up and am not looking for new friendships. It is not that I have plenty. And feel fulfilled, it is that my heart gets in the way, I get taken advantage of, and my own family wears me out enough. I have NO time at all for any friendship that isn't totally reciprocal, honest, and low maintenance these days. I hqve one friend I've known for three years now. I am glad she has been persistent because I *really* like her. She is the one I usually laugh so hard with that I cry. Or change my pants.:tongue_smilie::lol::lol:

 

The turn downed invites must be painful, but if friendship is important, don't give up!!!

 

We spend all holidays alone. Only my brother comes over. We have no family left, really! I always make a big fuss and cook way too much food. My kids look forward to this every year.

 

Marianne, I say this very gently, sweetie. I know your history (what you have shared) with your mom and sister. I think that comes into play sometimes with your friendships, too. I know I was always hurt easier when I was closely tied to the pain and hurt my mother and especially my sister caused. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: it is difficult for sure, and you have had some really cr@ppy things happen to you. You are generousk, kind and sweet. Don't let bad people change who you are, and especially don't let them keep you from trying to make new friends.

 

I wish I lived between you and Chris in Va. :001_smile: Hoppy, you could join us!

 

Awwww, Denise -- I wish you were closer too! And, you are so wise and so kind too!:grouphug:

[Susan in TN]

Threads like these always make me feel sad and lonely. They remind me that there's only one friend from high school that I even try to contact every year or two, and his wife doesn't seem very friendly toward either DH or I. And the only friend I made in all of college was my DH.

 

Then one of the few families from our old legalistic church that we thought were still friends with us (not close, but friends) dumped us last fall.

 

We're still friends with one family from that church and I did call the wife twice a few years ago when I was going through a really rough time. But I know that even if she'll listen to my problems, she will never open up to me. She would view it as gossiping or being unsubmissive or something. Plus, I'm closer in age to her teenage/college kids than her. So I don't think she'll ever really view us as equals.

 

I take a really, really long time to open up to people. And people are not naturally attracted to being friends with me, either. With everyone so busy, it's possible that I may never spend enough time with anyone to make another close friend until I'm elderly. That's depressing.

 

ETA: At a graduation party yesterday, I had to listen to my female friend listed above talk about how many party invitations her family has been getting and how they needed to turn down a bunch so they can get the house cleaned up. This was followed by a "not that I'm not complaining." They probably got more invitations to people's houses in two weeks than we do in a year.

 

What is the secret to being liked?

 

I wish I had never opened this thread. It's too sad to dwell on my social failures.

 

I hear you. An honest answer to the original question for me is "none". There are several people I am 'friendly' with, but no very close/best friends. Much of the time I just accept it as the way it is, but Christmas is most depressing to me - a couple years ago we were "invited" to a Christmas party (because we were connected with a particular group) and it was depressing to hear people talking about the number of holiday parties they were having to fit in. That was the first party of any kind that dh and I had been invited to in over 7 years.

[MariannNOVA]

I hear you. An honest answer to the original question for me is "none". There are several people I am 'friendly' with, but no very close/best friends. Much of the time I just accept it as the way it is, but Christmas is most depressing to me - a couple years ago we were "invited" to a Christmas party (because we were connected with a particular group) and it was depressing to hear people talking about the number of holiday parties they were having to fit in. That was the first party of any kind that dh and I had been invited to in over 7 years.[/QUOTE]

 

Last year the kids went to more cookie baking parties than I could shake a stick at. We have had years where we might be in a neighborhood where there are tons of parties and we have had years where we sit and admire our own Christmas tree.

 

I don't mind our being just ourselves at the holidays...we always have the option of driving to NJ and visiting family but dh and I are usually so exhausted, that we love the idea of staying put.

 

We have also had years where every time we turned around, there was another invite -- but those people are 99.99% of the time acquaintainces and not 'friends.' There is a difference.

 

Acquaintainces - I have tons of those.

 

Friends IRL - like I said, IRL (and I know I can call Denise or Imp on the phone anytime I need to) people who could get to me in a flash -- hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm:confused:, maybe 1 i could call in an emergency and like I said, no one to whom I would bare my soul.

 

and, ftr, a few weeks ago here we really did need some help -- not one single person responded -- even to say no.

[Murphy101]

The only irl ppl I bare my soul to are my dh and my priest.

 

Other than that, I have 3-4 friends I call in an emergency and regularly visit with and care for in a family way. Everyone else are acquaintances.

[Mandylubug]

I have my DH and one of my SILs that I would trust and "bare my soul" with.. my other SILs not so much. The SIL that I consider my best friend has been in my life since I was 5 (my brother is ten years older than I am) so she is really a sister to me.

 

My husband also has one really close friend, but he married and moved two hours away and they don't work the same shifts and days off anymore.. sorta sad :( We miss the get togethers but are so happy he found true love!

[FaithManor]

Dh is my best friend. I have three close friends that I do spend time with and whom I would call in an emergency.

 

Lots of acquaintances.

 

Dh's work schedule is not amenable to a huge social life and that's okay with me. We are pretty well suited to staying home or going out with each other. I turn down most "party" invitations we receive and am thankfully down to very few still attempting to get us on board with that.

 

Under the heading of relatives, my sister, my nephew, and my nephew's wife are amongst our nearest and dearest folk. We could tell them ANYTHING! In addition to that, dh does have one very dear male friend whom he could go to if he needed advice. This man's wife is amongst my "three" above. We love them dearly.

 

However, we just aren't out and about people. Maybe that will change when the boys are gone. We do sooooo much with our 4-H science club and the competitive rocketry team. I cannot possibly imagine a social life too!

 

I will say that mom and I are close. Yet, this is getting just a little weird/unsettling. She has some health issues that she's being stubborn and not taking care of and I find myself in an almost reverse role. I don't like it one.little.bit! I am afraid that it will end up drastically changing what has been, to this point, a very healthy mother/daughter relationship. My mom listens to my sister MUCH more than I. Unfortunately, sis lives four states away. GRRRRR.....I should pay her to move back! :D

 

Faith

[vontinney]

I hear you. An honest answer to the original question for me is "none". There are several people I am 'friendly' with, but no very close/best friends.

 

Ditto

[RocCityMom]

I have three close friends that are like sisters to me, and three friends here in our new hometown that I hang out with and who I feel are going to become good friends. Plus I consider my sister and one of my sisters-in-law among my very closest friends.

[Tohru]

Same here. Besides my husband.

 

It takes me forever and a day to call someone a friend though.

 

Me too :)

[Tohru]

About baring the soul thing...I must be really boring because I don't feel like I have anything to bare my soul about. :001_huh:

 

 

lol! Me too, again :D

[Geo]

About baring the soul thing...I must be really boring because I don't feel like I have anything to bare my soul about. :001_huh:

 

Life isn't over, yet. I'm fairly sure the time will come...and it probably won't mean you've done something wrong, either.

Edited May 20, 2012 by Geo

[Mandylubug]

Originally Posted by WendyK

About baring the soul thing...I must be really boring because I don't feel like I have anything to bare my soul about. :001_huh:

 

Well, I don't have anything dramatic or interesting to bare my soul about. However, there was a scenario where I thought an individual was trustworthy with my opinion of another person that just drove me insane. She became upset with me and blurted out all the details of my "issues" with another individual. It got ugly, I was ashamed because YES I did say those things but I had said them in confidence to get them off my chest. Now, I don't trust anyone. I also realized I was judgemental and try to keep myself in check now.

[Peaceful Isle]

I honestly don't open my soul to anyone, except God of course.

My dh is the closest to me, and I have three other friends I would consider close like a sister I could talk to about anything. One from college, one from my close neighborhood, and one from church.

They are all I consider Very close friends, and we love each other bunches.

I also have many friends that are close. They are usually ones that have kiddos that are the same age as mine, or there a bouts. I am a pretty easy

going person and i really love to be social. I also really love my quiet alone time.

I guess I am just blessed.

Edited May 20, 2012 by mommyof4AZ

[ereks mom]

My friend and I were discussing this the other day and we both agree when couples have kids, they don't have much time for outside friendships. Maybe 1-3 true friends as opposed to hundreds of Facebook "friends".

 

Personally, I only have 2 people I could really bare my soul to. The rest are just acquaintances.

 

How many true friends do you have in real life?

 

We were just talking about this at church this morning! My answer is:

 

Five, if you include family members (3 of those: dh, my mom, and my sister). The other 2 are women I met through church; one of them I've known for over 20 years and the other for less than 10. Right now, not including family members, I'm probably closest to the person I've known the shortest period of time.

[hsmom2011]

:iagree: But change right now, none to never. I've been burned by enough women to know better than to bare my soul to anyone (other than dh).

 

:iagree: Me too! Dh is my only and best friend. :001_smile:

[kalanamak]

About baring the soul thing...I must be really boring because I don't feel like I have anything to bare my soul about. :001_huh:

 

Me neither, but there may come a time...

 

Thinking this over, there are some wise people at work I have relied on to, say, read through a letter before I sent it to make sure I was being fair.

[JLocke41]

So interesting to see all the responses! Looks like the majority have around 3 on average and it's so good to see that because I think everybody needs at least 1! Keep on nurturing those friendships and if you don't have 1, please build on a relatinoship you already have or find a new one! It makes such a difference.

[BatmansWife]

The only ones I can really talk about my problems to (if that's what baring your soul means), is God or myself. Of course, I never talk to myself in public. I'm not wacko! But, I have had the kids knock on the bathroom door and say, "Who are you talkin' to in there?" and the only one in there is me. :lol: I really have no friend irl to talk to or do anything with (which explains why I start too many posts here). There's very little I can talk to dh about. I'd have to admit that my very best friend is my 8 year old.

[brehon]

Honestly, right now, none. Really.

 

(2) I can call on in an emergency...no one I would bare my soul to.

 

 

Yes, this is my life. I have no true friends. Heck, right now I'm not sure I have friends period.

 

The only difference is that I don't have anyone I can call in an emergency except perhaps my bil. He's not that emotionally close to us (dh and me) anymore, though.

 

<sigh>