Another update, if you've been following my posts...

[Julie in CA]

Dh went to the doctor for a checkup today. I'm not sure when I've seen him as unhappy as this, but he did go. The doctor, in spite of me calling ahead and filling the nurse in on my concerns, did not ask my dh anything about it. :001_huh:

 

When it was clear that the appointment was almost over, I did timidly put forth the statement that there were some drastic libido changes, and could they please do the test when dh does the other routine lab work. The doc said that it was up to dh whether he wanted to do the test or not, and showed dh the box to check on the lab sheet if he decided he wanted the testosterone level checked.

 

Surprisingly, dh was not super-unhappy as we left the office, and I do think he intends to get the labs done.

 

So...things could have gone better. I wish the doc would have asked dh, "So, how's it going for you in terms of intimacy?" or something like that. I wish the doc would have explained that should low testosterone be an issue, that there are sometimes severe consequences to not seeking out treatment (beyond the loss of intimacy), such as osteoporosis, cardiac issues, diabetes, etc.

 

At the same time, things could have gone so much worse. Dh did go. He did get a basic check-up, and he does have the opportunity to rather easily find out if there's a problem by following through on the labs.

 

It's progress, anyway. :001_unsure:

[Chris in VA]

Not to be nosy, but you were in the appointment with him?:confused:

(You don't have to answer, of course, I just found that interesting.)

 

Glad he went--hope he follows up. My hub doesn't like the Dr. either. :001_smile:

[Harriet Vane]

Good for you. One step leads to another, right?

[Ottakee]

My dh had low T nad treatment has made a HUGE difference. Not just with intimacy but also his mood, energy level, muscle mass, etc. He did have a heart attack and has diabetes.........just wish we could have had one of the specialists check this much earlier. It took a FEMALE nurse practitioner to figure it out and be willing to treat it.

[Catwoman]

I'm just relieved to hear that he followed through with the doctor's visit, and it seems like he'll go for the blood tests. I'm sure that if you ask him to check the box for the testosterone test, he'll do it, since he's getting the other work done anyway, and it's not like they'll have to stick him with any extra needles or anything. :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm glad you were concerned enough to keep after your dh to see the doctor; once you get the lab results back, I'm sure you'll both feel better. :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

Not to be nosy, but you were in the appointment with him?:confused:

Yes, I went with him. If I had not, my dh's answer to every offer would have been "no".

 

As in, "Would you like us to do a basic hearing check today?". "No".

Uh, yes, he would like you to do that.

 

"Can I make you out a lab slip for some basic blood work, like cholesterol, etc.?". "No".

Umm....yes, maybe you should do that, honey.

 

"Please open your mouth and say "Ahh"."

"Nope, everything is fine. You don't need to check that."

 

So, was it pushy of me to be there? Maybe, but dh said he didn't care if I went or not. I made a point of keeping as quiet & unobtrusive as I could.

Do I care if it could be perceived as pushy? Nope.

 

I temporarily made him less than happy today, but in return, he gets a chance at a healthier, more fulfilling, and possibly longer life. It sounds like a good trade-off to me. ;)

 

(And yes, I do know that my post is chock-full of grammatical errors, but for this post only, I just don't care! :D)

[Catherine]

Sorry to be a downer, but IMO that doc failed him big time. He let him decide whether to check the box??? What the he**? So I assume your dh did not check it, right? That was both unprofessional (in terms of bedside manner) and short sighted (in terms of clinical practice). Is he planning to wait until he breaks a hip to check it?

[Catwoman]

Yes, I went with him. If I had not, my dh's answer to every offer would have been "no".

 

As in, "Would you like us to do a basic hearing check today?". "No".

Uh, yes, he would like you to do that.

 

"Can I make you out a lab slip for some basic blood work, like cholesterol, etc.?". "No".

Umm....yes, maybe you should do that, honey.

 

"Please open your mouth and say "Ahh"."

"Nope, everything is fine. You don't need to check that."

 

So, was it pushy of me to be there? Maybe, but dh said he didn't care if I went or not. I made a point of keeping as quiet & unobtrusive as I could.

Do I care if it could be perceived as pushy? Nope.

 

I temporarily made him less than happy today, but in return, he gets a chance at a healthier, more fulfilling, and possibly longer life. It sounds like a good trade-off to me. ;)

 

(And yes, I do know that my post is chock-full of grammatical errors, but for this post only, I just don't care! :D)

 

I think you did the right thing, Julie.

[Ottakee]

We had an endocrinologist say that dh was FINE and refuse treatment for this even though he had all the symptoms and the blood work to back it up.

 

Our NP then did the free T test (which is important to see how much the body can use) and that showed he DID need treatment. It has made a HUGE difference.

 

Can you just check the box for him and send him on his way to the lab?

[Julie in CA]

My dh had low T nad treatment has made a HUGE difference. Not just with intimacy but also his mood, energy level, muscle mass, etc. He did have a heart attack and has diabetes.........just wish we could have had one of the specialists check this much earlier. It took a FEMALE nurse practitioner to figure it out and be willing to treat it.

I'm so glad to hear that there is possible success at the end of this rainbow. :001_smile:

I have noticed mood, energy level, muscle tone, etc, symptoms. More than loss of intimacy, I've been worried about the other possibly more severe results of dh's refusal to seek diagnosis or treament. I'm not 100% sure that low testosterone is the problem, but it sure does seem likely.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!

[bookfiend]

Hope he is also checking PSA.

[melissel]

Sorry to be a downer, but IMO that doc failed him big time. He let him decide whether to check the box??? What the he**? So I assume your dh did not check it, right? That was both unprofessional (in terms of bedside manner) and short sighted (in terms of clinical practice). Is he planning to wait until he breaks a hip to check it?

 

:iagree: I can't say that enough. I have never, ever had a doctor tiptoe around whether I wanted important tests. I'm really shocked by the way that all went down!

[Chris in VA]

I didn't mean to say it was weird or something for you to be there, Julie. Not at all. I think you did the right thing, too.

 

Not quite the same, but I've asked to be informed of all procedures ds20 receives, and I go into the appt with him, too. Some adults just need a bit of help from a concerned party.

[Julie in CA]

Sorry to be a downer, but IMO that doc failed him big time. He let him decide whether to check the box??? What the he**? So I assume your dh did not check it, right? That was both unprofessional (in terms of bedside manner) and short sighted (in terms of clinical practice). Is he planning to wait until he breaks a hip to check it?

I agree. I wish the doc had done what I would have considered a better job. I did get the minimum amount that I hoped for though, which is the lab work to check and see if my suspicions are correct.

 

I am worried about osteoporosis especially. That would be devastating to my "work by the sweat of his brow" farmer husband. He's 6'5", and anecdotally, it seems like tall guys have more problems with knees, hips, etc. I could be totally incorrect about that, but I think my dh would rather die than break a hip at a young age and be debilitated.

 

I am concerned though, because the lab sheet only shows the Total Testosterone test, and not the Free T that I've read should be part of effective diagnosis. I was unable to ask at the time though, because dh was unwilling to talk about the issue, and the doc was clearly trying to emphasize to me that it's dh's choice. :glare: If there was a box for that, I'd check it myself, even if the doc later scratched his head and wondered why that test was ordered. I will be checking the box for Total Testosterone, and dh will not complain about it being added in, though he will balk a bit at going to the lab at all. I do think he will do it though.

[Julie in CA]

I didn't mean to say it was weird or something for you to be there, Julie. Not at all. I think you did the right thing, too.

 

Well it definitely felt weird and more than a little intrusive to me. I'm so very far away from having a pushy personality that it's a bit funny sometimes. :001_smile:

[Julie in CA]

We had an endocrinologist say that dh was FINE and refuse treatment for this even though he had all the symptoms and the blood work to back it up.

 

Our NP then did the free T test (which is important to see how much the body can use) and that showed he DID need treatment. It has made a HUGE difference.

 

Can you just check the box for him and send him on his way to the lab?

I wish I could find a box for Free T. I would check that one too. I still might try to call the doc's office before dh goes to the lab, and ask if they'll order the Free T also, but I don't think I'll get anywhere. :001_huh:

[Catherine]

I understand now-the doc gave him the lab sheet. In that case, I think you should *definitely* write in free testosterone. Just look carefully at the sheet for the write-in spot-all lab order sheets should have them.

[melissel]

I understand now-the doc gave him the lab sheet. In that case, I think you should *definitely* write in free testosterone. Just look carefully at the sheet for the write-in spot-all lab order sheets should have them.

 

:iagree: again. If you can write it in, do. Best to get it all done at once, when he's agreeable!

[Reflections]

According to my mil in their early middle years my fil was peeing blood and wouldn't go see a doctor about it. One day she showed up at his work: "Get in the car" he got in and then after awhile he asked "where are we going?" She wouldn't answer but it was clear when they pulled up at a Dr.'s office. Turned out he had bladder cancer. He's alive today. In the interest of full disclosure I have to say that she doesn't do that now - as a matter of fact she is not sure if his next appointment with the eye Dr. next week is for a consultation or the actually cataract surgery :glare: - sigh but my fil is SURE it for the surgery - my mil just rolls her eyes. Inlaws are a funny, funny thing.

 

I think that sometimes when people are really sick that depression seeps in and makes them not want to seek help. I think that for right now you have absolutely done the right thing. But I also think that the doctor wasn't very proactive either.

 

Keep us updated if he gets the blood work and what it actually says.

[besroma]

:grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

I understand now-the doc gave him the lab sheet. In that case, I think you should *definitely* write in free testosterone. Just look carefully at the sheet for the write-in spot-all lab order sheets should have them.

I can't find a write-in spot, and it looks like all of the tests have to have an accompanying code/test number. :confused:

[Dolphin]

I can't find a write-in spot, and it looks like all of the tests have to have an accompanying code/test number. :confused:

 

Call the doc's office (let dh know you are doing it) and just say that you when you guys got home you noticed that the Free T test was not on the lab request. Let them know what lab you are going to and they fax number of that lab and ask them to fax the request there.

 

Good job getting him to the doctor.

[justamouse]

Sorry to be a downer, but IMO that doc failed him big time. He let him decide whether to check the box??? What the he**? So I assume your dh did not check it, right? That was both unprofessional (in terms of bedside manner) and short sighted (in terms of clinical practice). Is he planning to wait until he breaks a hip to check it?

 

I think her Dh did check it, but yeah, I agree. That was like a good ole boy checkup.

 

Sigh.

 

It's a start, Julie, and I know one day when he's feeling better, he'll thank you. They're obstinate buggers sometimes.

 

And I forget where the stat is, but married men live longer because their wives NAG them about their health. :-)

[Julie in CA]

I told the nurse that my dh had decided to do the testosterone test, but that I'd heard that it was good to test Free T also. The nurse was very helpful and relaxed (it's a guy, and more helpful than the doc, imo), and the nurse told me to check the Total Testosterone box, and then to write Free T above it (just squeeze it in). He also seemed surprised that the doc hadn't decided to check TSH, so he had me check that box too.

 

Now I'm worried that somehow the tests will come back normal, and that I'll be back at square one. Deep down, I feel positive that this is the problem. Every symptom matches up. Even if the tests come back positive, will I be able to get my dh to follow through on further diagnosis & treatment? :001_unsure:

 

One day at a time though, and today is one step further along in the journey.

[AuntieM]

One foot in front of the other, Julie. You are making progress now! I know it seems slow and perhaps unsteady to you, but you're a light year ahead of where you were two months ago, aren't you? Just keep swimming....

 

:grouphug:

 

You are a GOOD wife!

[Julie in CA]

I know it seems slow and perhaps unsteady to you, but you're a light year ahead of where you were two months ago, aren't you?

This is definitely true. I've gone from unrelenting despair to worrisome uncertainty, and that's a real improvement.

 

Thank you for the reminder.:001_smile:

[kalanamak]

 

So, was it pushy of me to be there? Maybe, but dh said he didn't care if I went or not. I made a point of keeping as quiet & unobtrusive as I could.

Do I care if it could be perceived as pushy? Nope.

 

I am convinced this is one of the reason married men live longer than unmarried men. BTW, if you really want to see women going to bat for men, look to women in their 80s coming in with their single/widowed/childless BROTHERS.

[Julie in CA]

I am convinced this is one of the reason married men live longer than unmarried men. BTW, if you really want to see women going to bat for men, look to women in their 80s coming in with their single/widowed/childless BROTHERS.

I have been worrying about you...are you ok? :grouphug:

[Ipsey]

One foot in front of the other, Julie. You are making progress now! I know it seems slow and perhaps unsteady to you, but you're a light year ahead of where you were two months ago, aren't you? Just keep swimming....

 

:grouphug:

 

You are a GOOD wife!

 

Yes, you ARE a GOOD wife. And hopefully, when this is all straightened out, he will realize what a gem he has in you!

[Julie in CA]

And hopefully, when this is all straightened out, he will realize what a gem he has in you!

I think he already believes that. It's probably the only reason he agreed to go to the doc at all. After the appointment, on the way home, I told him quietly that going for the check-up was the best gift he'd ever given me. He looked incredulous, but I completely believe that doing something you desperately don't want to do, simply for the sake of making your spouse feel ok, is proving your love. We've been married for almost 25 years, and I'm still :001_wub:.

[Ottakee]

I told the nurse that my dh had decided to do the testosterone test, but that I'd heard that it was good to test Free T also. The nurse was very helpful and relaxed (it's a guy, and more helpful than the doc, imo), and the nurse told me to check the Total Testosterone box, and then to write Free T above it (just squeeze it in). He also seemed surprised that the doc hadn't decided to check TSH, so he had me check that box too.

 

Now I'm worried that somehow the tests will come back normal, and that I'll be back at square one. Deep down, I feel positive that this is the problem. Every symptom matches up. Even if the tests come back positive, will I be able to get my dh to follow through on further diagnosis & treatment? :001_unsure:

 

One day at a time though, and today is one step further along in the journey.

 

GOOD FOR YOU! You have to be proactive in these things.

 

When my dh started treatment, I saw improvement in just a few days. Then after a few months the doctor wanted to try a new/easier treatment. I knew within days that it wasn't working as well but it took my dh about 2-3 weeks to admit it and go back on the effective treatment.

 

Esp. with this issue, they feel that if there is something wrong then they are less manly........totally not the case, but guys think differently than women.

[katilac]

"So, how's it going for you in terms of intimacy?"

 

The way you worded this is just tickling me for some reason. I think I'm going to try and work this question into conversation, even though I'm not a medical professional :D

 

fwiw, I think the vast majority of men would be well-served if they were accompanied on their doctor visits. I don't go with dh, but I do write his bullet list of questions for him!

[Julie in CA]

The way you worded this is just tickling me for some reason. I think I'm going to try and work this question into conversation, even though I'm not a medical professional :D

 

An alternate wording that I considered was, "So has your wife had to resort to ogling men in kilts lately?", but I decided that was probably inappropriate. :D

[Peaceful Isle]

Praying you find out Something soon! :grouphug:

[kalanamak]

I have been worrying about you...are you ok? :grouphug:

 

Oh, thanks. Things have settled down. We have all been interviewed by the police. Some staff have just not come back, and may never. The upset patients have started eating and talking again. There are some staff I *wish* would take some time off. We got double whammied that week (this is public info) because the night of the murder, a young woman hung herself on a different ward.

 

After all the data is collected the "what could we have done differently" meetings will start, and I think I am ready for them. Oh, and the autopsy was published. The young man died of strangulation, and the pen was inserted into his ear AFTER death. It makes it ever so slightly less gruesome, because you lose consciousness sooner with strangulation. The pen was particularly troubling.

[Harriet Vane]

Oh, thanks. Things have settled down. We have all been interviewed by the police. Some staff have just not come back, and may never. The upset patients have started eating and talking again. There are some staff I *wish* would take some time off. We got double whammied that week (this is public info) because the night of the murder, a young woman hung herself on a different ward.

 

After all the data is collected the "what could we have done differently" meetings will start, and I think I am ready for them. Oh, and the autopsy was published. The young man died of strangulation, and the pen was inserted into his ear AFTER death. It makes it ever so slightly less gruesome, because you lose consciousness sooner with strangulation. The pen was particularly troubling.

 

:grouphug:

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug: to all.

Kalamanak, I read about the 2nd death in the paper, and my heart went out to you.

[Lawana]

Julie,

 

You have a lot to feel good about. You convinced your dh to go to the dr., called in your concerns ahead of time, accompanied him, spoke up when necessesary, did your best to be unobtrusive otherwise, followed up with the nurse. These are not easy things. Even if they didn't all pan out exactly the way you'd hoped, you are light years ahead of where you would have been if you hadn't done them. Please try not to worry about the "what ifs", such as what if the blood work comes back normal. Focus on the next actual step, which is getting dh to the lab to get his blood drawn. Then results. *Then* decide what to do next.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

And please do continue with the updates. We care.

[Dolphin]

An alternate wording that I considered was, "So has your wife had to resort to ogling men in kilts lately?", but I decided that was probably inappropriate. :D

 

...but I like looking at men in kilts anytime...:D

 

Good job calling the office and being proactive. Now that it is getting checked, relax. If it isn't the testosterone, you now have solved part of the puzzle. See how the doctor presents the tests.

 

Oh, thanks. Things have settled down. We have all been interviewed by the police. Some staff have just not come back, and may never. The upset patients have started eating and talking again. There are some staff I *wish* would take some time off. We got double whammied that week (this is public info) because the night of the murder, a young woman hung herself on a different ward.

 

After all the data is collected the "what could we have done differently" meetings will start, and I think I am ready for them. Oh, and the autopsy was published. The young man died of strangulation, and the pen was inserted into his ear AFTER death. It makes it ever so slightly less gruesome, because you lose consciousness sooner with strangulation. The pen was particularly troubling.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

I have seen parts of this story of the news down here. I didn't see the part about the hanging. Are you doing self care as well as care for others?

[PrincessMommy]

Sorry to be a downer, but IMO that doc failed him big time. He let him decide whether to check the box??? What the he**? So I assume your dh did not check it, right? That was both unprofessional (in terms of bedside manner) and short sighted (in terms of clinical practice). Is he planning to wait until he breaks a hip to check it?

 

Yeah, this is what I was thinking. My doctor doesn't do it that way. I can refuse to go get the blood drawn, but my doctor decides which tests need to be done. :confused:

[PrincessMommy]

According to my mil in their early middle years my fil was peeing blood and wouldn't go see a doctor about it. One day she showed up at his work: "Get in the car" he got in and then after awhile he asked "where are we going?" She wouldn't answer but it was clear when they pulled up at a Dr.'s office. Turned out he had bladder cancer. He's alive today. In the interest of full disclosure I have to say that she doesn't do that now - as a matter of fact she is not sure if his next appointment with the eye Dr. next week is for a consultation or the actually cataract surgery :glare: - sigh but my fil is SURE it for the surgery - my mil just rolls her eyes. Inlaws are a funny, funny thing.

 

I think that sometimes when people are really sick that depression seeps in and makes them not want to seek help. I think that for right now you have absolutely done the right thing. But I also think that the doctor wasn't very proactive either.

 

Keep us updated if he gets the blood work and what it actually says.

 

Agreeing with the highlighted part.

[Catherine]

I'm so sorry, Kay. I didn't see the earlier thread but it sounds horrible and I hope you are OK. ((hugs))

[Slartibartfast]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

I am glad you got him to go, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

 

I hope it is a minor easily resolved issue.