Poll: What should fathers do? (Spin off from ladies room thread)

[Fourmother]

I've really got a bug in my bonnet over this because of a bad experience dh had taking dd to the bathroom. Shouldn't men be able to make the best "bathroom choice" for their daughters without being treated like ogres? Women are caretakers for elderly and disabled men, and vise versa. What should they to do when there's no "family restroom?

 

Warning: Some of the poll options are a bit facetious because that the mood I'm in. LOL!

[rockermom]

options? what options?

[rockermom]

Sorry, they weren't there.

 

I don't know the solution. I think there would have to be exceptions.

 

All bathrooms should be family.

[summer]

I do not see the poll, but I do not think men should take little girls in to men's restrooms, ONLY because those men use open stalls and she could see something she should not see. If it was an individual room or a place with only closed stalls, I might feel different. I am not sexist, I promise. But if women went to the bathroom out in the open with the toilets in the open in the restroom with no stalls, I would not take my little boys in there either.

[Parrothead]

I'm a wait-till-we-get-home'r

[Amy loves Bud]

I'm a wait-till-we-get-home'r

 

:iagree: I'm the bathroom Nazi. "Did you go? Are you sure? Really, because that was like 10 minutes ago. Maybe try to squeeze a little more out, 'kay? And NO! You may not have a glass of water!"

 

Not a fan of public bathrooms. :scared:

[Fourmother]

I'm a wait-till-we-get-home'r

 

This only works in theory for us. If we are away from home for more than an hour, somebody's going to have to go no matter what.

[*anj*]

I voted that they should have family bathrooms. My second choice would be for men to be able to take their daughters into the ladies room. It's not like we're walking around in our skivvies in there or anything. My dh takes all of our kids out pretty regularly and it really bugs me that he can't easily get the girls to the bathroom.

Another benefit to the family bathroom is that everyone can crowd in together and we don't have to worry about the ones that are waiting outside.

[gardenschooler]

I think dh just sent them in alone, and stood outside the door. Those were the instructions I used to give him, anyway. He wasn't out with them alone all that frequently, though.

 

When our new library opened, it had a family bathroom in the children's dept. I don't think many people used it, as it's now used for storage.

[gardenschooler]

When a little girl is potty-trained, do they really need their dad in the restroom with them anyway? I didn't feel like mine did (although they might need a reminder to wash their hands), but I didn't want them in a men's room.

 

I've seen them, and they are filthy.

[gardenschooler]

Another benefit to the family bathroom is that everyone can crowd in together and we don't have to worry about the ones that are waiting outside.

 

That would be a problem. But can't you take little boys in to the women's restroom?

[Kris]

I just don't remember this ever being an issue, but then my daughter's 29 years old now, so my memory is probably fading a bit. And frankly, I just don't remember how we handled it! I *do* know I would not be comfortable with her going into a men's room. Cleanliness isn't really the biggest problem for me -- I've seen some pretty nasty ladies rooms, too.

[Kris]

When a little girl is potty-trained, do they really need their dad in the restroom with them anyway? I didn't feel like mine did (although they might need a reminder to wash their hands), but I didn't want them in a men's room.

 

I've seen them, and they are filthy.

 

I tend to agree, but there's that "grey area" there between, oh, say, two and maybe five or six years old? I'm searching my brain to try to remember how old my kids were before I felt comfortable with them going into a public restroom by themselves -- and I think they were a bit older than that.

[Mom to Aly]

OK, am I really the only paranoid mom out there? Again, from NYC, now living in central VA, but my daughter is 9, and I don't let her go to the bathroom alone, and when she is in a stall and it is crowded, I do get nervous (I'm not trying to brag, but she is extremely pretty and has always had people looking at her, including men, since she was little). I am totally for the unisex bathroom, but I am still paranoid. Heard and seen too much in my life to let her wander off anywhere on her own, including, or especially, a public bathroom.

[Spy Car]

"HELLO...is anybody in there?

 

Because I'm a man with a little girl who needs the rest-room, and unless you speak up, we're coming in."

 

And if the girl was old enough, she'd be sent on a quick "scouting" expedition before any through-the-door--crack hailing took place.

 

Then we'd move fast.

 

Bill (who only has a boy)

[Mom to Aly]

Bill, you are too good--you would be welcome in, by both me and my daughter. No problems here :)

[gardenschooler]

I tend to agree, but there's that "grey area" there between, oh, say, two and maybe five or six years old? I'm searching my brain to try to remember how old my kids were before I felt comfortable with them going into a public restroom by themselves -- and I think they were a bit older than that.

 

At two, I think mine were still wearing pull ups for outings. I'll have to wake him up and ask him what he did when they were 3-4. Dh did take them out some, but not much, and not to general public things - more like gymnastics classes, the children's museum, things like that, with very small bathrooms. I'm pretty sure he sent them in alone, though.

[gardenschooler]

OK, am I really the only paranoid mom out there? Again, from NYC, now living in central VA, but my daughter is 9, and I don't let her go to the bathroom alone.

 

I don't know, I'm usually the most paranoid of them all! I will let dd9 go in a public bathroom alone now (depending on where we are), with me outside the door. It really depends on where we are, though.

[3lilreds in NC]

I think dh just sent them in alone, and stood outside the door. Those were the instructions I used to give him, anyway. He wasn't out with them alone all that frequently, though.

 

 

 

This is what my dh does, too, just wait outside for them. He rarely went out with them when they were little enough to need to go. I do think that when they were little he took them into the men's restroom with him, and honestly, I've never looked inside one so I didn't know they were gross. I think I was better off not knowing. Bleah.

[TraceyS/FL]

I don't know, I'm usually the most paranoid of them all! I will let dd9 go in a public bathroom alone now (depending on where we are), with me outside the door. It really depends on where we are, though.

 

9 is about when DD started going on her own - with us in eyeshot. The middle one can't go on her own even though she is 9 - way too much special needs going on there. The now 12yo takes either of the others if they are all out.

 

I don't live in the city though, and we are wayyyyy more conservative when we are out in Orlando. Like recently the 12yo got her butt chewed for taking the 3yo across the flipping mall to go instead of using the one where i was near. NOt good.

 

I should add here - that my DD12 started her period at 10 - she's fully developed. Related to the other thread, there is no way she'd be comfortable having men around when she was in the bathroom - heck, her own sisters can't be in the room. She screams at them.... extreme modesty (and hey, we never shut the door around this place to use the bathroom.... it's just a part of her phase in life).

 

To the original question - DH would take them in the mens room when they were at the potty training stage, but because of the age range, he didn't have to do it very often.

[Snickerdoodle]

We live abroad and fathers here just take their daughters to the girls bathroom. It hasn't been a big deal for me or anyone else that I've noticed.

[Soph the vet]

:iagree: I'm the bathroom Nazi. "Did you go? Are you sure? Really, because that was like 10 minutes ago. Maybe try to squeeze a little more out, 'kay? And NO! You may not have a glass of water!"

 

Not a fan of public bathrooms. :scared:

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: I know my dc will grow up and only remember me saying "did everyone go potty?" every time we are heading out the door. They will be teenagers and I'll probably still be doing this. It was rare for my dh to have to take the girls when they were younger but usually it was in a family friendly place anyway so there were family bathrooms.

[snickelfritz]

I have 2 little dd's. 5 and 2 1/2. They are notorious for needing to go frequently and randomly.

 

I would NOT want men in the women's restroom. Imagine your teenage dd in there when a man came in with his little girl. For everyone's safety and PERCEIVED safety, there needs to be a separation. It's inconvenient, but it needs to be there. Besides the things that could actually happen, there are the things that people could claim to happen and there would be not witnesses.

 

If you meant that the dad drops the girl off right by the door and then stands close.....that's what my dh mostly does. He will occasionally take them in the men's restroom.

 

I wasn't sure what you meant, but I voted for family bathrooms. But, then again...not every store can afford to put in another bathroom.

[Plaid Dad]

When she was younger, I took dd into the men's room with me if no companion bathrooms were available. I'm talking about restrooms in stores and restaurants, not gas stations. While they were not always up to my own standards of cleanliness, we never encountered anything so vile that it was unbearable, nor did any man ever comment on her being there. Men don't tend to chat in bathrooms. ;) If I needed to use the toilet myself, I asked her to stand right outside the stall where I could see her feet, but with her eyes facing the stall door so other men could have privacy and she wouldn't see any flashing weirdos at the urinals. (That was never a problem, by the way, perhaps because it was obvious she was there with her father who would summarily kill anyone who messed with her.:coolgleamA:) Rarely did we ever encounter anyone in the bathroom at all, actually; not a lot of adult men hang out at Barnes & Noble in the middle of the day.

 

Companion bathrooms are a boon in many ways, not least the fact that they tend to be quieter. For a kid with SPD and auditory sensitivity, turbo-flushing toilets are a much bigger deal than the occasional sticky floor. Dd will not go into a women's room on her own because of the noise, and I'm not comfortable taking her into the men's room at her age. Consequently, we know the location of pretty much every companion rest room in the surrounding three counties! I stand outside the door and wait for her now.

[TraceyS/FL]

For a kid with SPD and auditory sensitivity, turbo-flushing toilets are a much bigger deal than the occasional sticky floor.

 

Those set potty training back with my middle one over a YEAR..... boy was I stressed when she decided to go at it again (at 3.5) two weeks before we went to Disney. I had visions of starting diapers all over again....

 

thankfully, she didn't.

[Elisabeth in IL]

I said that all bathrooms should hold the same standard of cleanliness as restaurants. I haven't had to think this through on a serious basis though as I only have boys.

[Jenny in Atl]

I see no reason why all public bathrooms can't be family. When you go to an outside event and they have those awful porto potties, everyone uses them. Just make the stalls go all the way up and down (so no unwanted eyes can peek under). In fact, I think everyone will be a bit neater if they know the opposite sex is about. I had to clean the bathrooms at Linens & Things, when I worked there for an awful long and retched six months. The woman's bath (they were the main shoppers) was disgusting. I was pregnant at the time, and would have to wear a bandana w/perfume to clean the place come Monday morning. Baby diapers, clogged toilets from too much tp paper, you name it. So men are not the only ones who can be total pigs in a public bath. :tongue_smilie:

[SnowWhite]

The family bathrooms I have seen have locks on the doors for ONE family to go in, then do their business and come out for the next family to go in.

 

Many bathrooms (thinking our public library here) are so small, clean and deserted, that dh could send our 4 yo daughter (if I had one) in to do her business on her own. WalMart always has one "Family bathroom".

 

I also love the small one-toilet bathrooms in restaurants(like Wendy's) and gas stations (nicer gas stations with mini marts). It wouldn't matter if a father took his daughter in those (because there's only room for on "go-er" at a time).

 

I voted for all "family bathrooms" but that is not meaning I think men and women should be in the same room with just cubicle stalls that go to the floor. It should still be segregated by individual families, IMO.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

because we do something different. My dh takes our dds to the bathroom by taking them to the women's bathroom and waiting outside the door for them. When they were younger, we just made sure they went where dad could take them if we were going somewhere he couldn't (if we were at a friend's house before going to McDonalds for example).

[3lilreds in NC]

For a kid with SPD and auditory sensitivity, turbo-flushing toilets are a much bigger deal than the occasional sticky floor.

 

I don't know that we have any SPD issues going on here, but my girls HATED those self-flushing toilets! I can still see them RUNNING away from the self-flushing toilets. "It flushed my pee and I wasn't done!!!" Oh, my goodness, I still giggle about that. :lol:

[KidsHappen]

He has had plenty of opportunity to take them to restrooms. Family restrooms were not an option way back when so he did pretty much what Bill did. "hello? Coming through with young dds" and then proceed cautiously. It must not have been a big deal as I don't think any of them even really remember it. Once they were a little older, he would send them into the ladies rooms with a buddy system while standing just outside the door. I guess I would worry if the dd was between the ages of say 7 and maybe 10 and had to go to the ladies room unaccompanied. I just can't remember it being a big problem because if it was I would have heard about it and he would have probably made less solo trips with them.

[Mama Lynx]

"HELLO...is anybody in there?

 

Because I'm a man with a little girl who needs the rest-room, and unless you speak up, we're coming in."

 

And if the girl was old enough, she'd be sent on a quick "scouting" expedition before any through-the-door--crack hailing took place.

 

Then we'd move fast.

 

Bill (who only has a boy)

 

You'd have no trouble from me! I have no problem with that.

[Ravin]

Seems to me the thing to do is try to hit the restroom in easier places--either where there's a family restroom, or where the restrooms are small (single open toilet w/ locking restroom door) like in fast food places, small restaurants, etc., to minimize times when you have to deal with the "men's or women's" conundrum.

[*anj*]

That would be a problem. But can't you take little boys in to the women's restroom?

 

Yeah, and I did that. But there was an in-between time when I didn't feel comfortable taking my oldest in or leaving him outside alone. He looks older than he is, and I knew that some women thought it was odd that I was bringing him in, even though I'd have him stand right near the entrance of the bathroom...not even near the stalls. So here was this boy who looked maybe 9 or 10 and he was really only 6 or 7. That is too young for my comfort, but that's another thread.

 

It was always easier when there was a large single-toilet bathroom because we could all crowd in together and I never had to worry that someone was making off with my kid.

[*anj*]

"HELLO...is anybody in there?

 

Because I'm a man with a little girl who needs the rest-room, and unless you speak up, we're coming in."

 

 

I like that. I'd be totally comfortable if a man did that while I was in the restroom.

My ds11 (obviously) goes into the men's room alone, but I always tell him that if he's not out within 2 minutes I'm coming in. I have been known to stand outside the door and wait and I've actually yelled in "Hey (son), how's it going?" if he seemed to be taking too long. I am fully prepared to walk in.

 

I know, I know that 99% of the time it's a non-issue. But it is still possible and I believe it's my job to protect my kids, so.....

 

Also, that Shawn Hornbeck kidnapping was quite an eye opener for me. Both he and the other boy who was kidnapped were a couple of years older than ds is now and they were whisked off in broad daylight. Prior to that case I'd think that an 11yo boy was probably pretty safe...safer than a girl of that age anyway. But I don't think that's necessarily true anymore.

 

Okay, hijack over!!!

[*anj*]

I don't know that we have any SPD issues going on here, but my girls HATED those self-flushing toilets! I can still see them RUNNING away from the self-flushing toilets. "It flushed my pee and I wasn't done!!!" Oh, my goodness, I still giggle about that. :lol:

Yes, dd7 still has issues about those toilets. She doesn't even like the manual flushing ones because they are louder than the one at home. She will often walk out of the stall and ask me to flush while she washes her hands.

[nitascool]

Being raised by my father I have personal experience with this. Until I was 8 years old and "put my little foot down" lol, my father took me into the men's restroom. They stank, oh did they stink. He never gave it a second thought. He turned his handkerchief into a blindfold and marched me right past all the stalls.

 

As a mom of three boys I make them go with me when I have to use the restroom, but when my 8yo or 6yo needs to use the restroom I let them go in the men's room with me standing by the door (a very new thing).

 

They both have SPD but my 6yo has it with auditory aversion and has just recently gotten over the loud flush... that is he still screams, but doesn't completely loose it anymore. Also because of his SPD bathroom sinks full of soapy water are a real invitation for mischief, so he can only go to the men's room with his brother or dh.

 

My dd is still in diapers. Once my dh had to take her to the women's restroom because of the lack of a changing table in the men's room. He didn't seem to have a problem with it and he made sure no one was in the restroom at the time.

[LaMere Academy]

I love the family bathrooms and wish all public places had them. We live in FL which is child mol*ster capitol of the US it seems. I hear about cases every day in our state about bathroom sickos. I'm very paranoid and we always use a family one if possible, if not, I make my oldest son walk in if dad isn't with us, make sure bathroom is empty with me standing right by the door, he has 10 second to make sure the bathroom is clear and let me know...then he and his brother can go. If he (13 yr old) doesn't need to go, I still bring my 8 year old son in the women's bathroom. If anyone ever said anything to me (they never have) I'd have plenty to say back. Women's bathroom have stall doors so it shouldn't bother anyone.

[Tap]

I would like to see more family restrooms or gender neutral rooms.

 

I used to work for a major grocer and we went from having both a men's and women's restroom to having just one restroom. One commode, one sink, that was it. It was in the downtown area where there were millionaires standing in line behind street people to use the restroom, and vice versa. Because the clientele was both women and men the restroom was cleaned several times a day. It didn't really get too dirty, unless someone purposefully did it. Then it was cleaned immediately. The store could afford to have it cleaned multiple times a day because it only had one restroom to clean! People would get a little irritated because they had to wait a minute or two if someone was in line ahead of them, but they got used to it and the complaints stopped. We had an employee restroom we would let people use for emergencies when someone was ahead of them.

 

I would like to see more companies adopt this policy. I don't want my son in a filthy restroom any more than I want my daughter in one.

[Fourmother]

I don't know that we have any SPD issues going on here, but my girls HATED those self-flushing toilets! I can still see them RUNNING away from the self-flushing toilets. "It flushed my pee and I wasn't done!!!" Oh, my goodness, I still giggle about that. :lol:

 

My dd can't stand those self-flushing toilets either. She literally jumps off the seat and nearly out of her skin when they "go off."