S/O - What do you prefer to be called? How do your children address adults?

[CanaryMelody]

Another born and raised Southerner here. :D

 

I prefer to be called Mrs. LastName (formal) or Mrs. FirstName (less formal) by those under 18 or so. I would consider it highly disrespectful for a child to call me only by my first name. I teach my children to respect their elders as well. Titles such as Coach, Pastor, Aunt, etc. are suitable replacement for Mr./Ms./Miss/Mrs. If an adult says "Please call me FirstName." I would much prefer my children did not.

[LibraryLover]

It depends. Most people are called by their first names (other parents in our hsing group), and some others in our world are called Mr/Mrs Last Names. We also have some folks in out lives called Miss Elizabeth, etc.

[AHASRADA]

Personally, I prefer to be called Mrs. Last Name, Mrs. D, Aunt First Name, or Sister First Name. In our religious/cultural circle, my kids call adults Aunt/Uncle First Name. Of course, they would never dream of calling their biological aunts and uncles by their first names without the title.

 

Among homeschool parents, all the kids seem to call the other moms by their first names. That's how they hear their parents addressing each other, so that's what they use. It feels awkward when these kids call me by my first name, but that's what they all do and it would be more awkward to instruct them otherwise.

 

As for my own kids, they mostly avoid addressing these parents directly since they feel uncomfortable using their first names, but don't know what else to call them. Sometimes we don't even know their last name, or they kept their maiden name, or they're recently divorced, or they're in a common-law situation...all scenarios making it impossible to institute the Mrs. Last Name protocol I would prefer.

 

Considering the ages of my kids (teen/tween) I would be most comfortable if their friends called me Mrs. D. But, no one has ever asked me.

:tongue_smilie:

[famof5redheads]

:iagree:

Another born and raised Southerner here. :D

 

I prefer to be called Mrs. LastName (formal) or Mrs. FirstName (less formal) by those under 18 or so. I would consider it highly disrespectful for a child to call me only by my first name. I teach my children to respect their elders as well. Titles such as Coach, Pastor, Aunt, etc. are suitable replacement for Mr./Ms./Miss/Mrs. If an adult says "Please call me FirstName." I would much prefer my children did not.

 

:iagree:

[Ecclecticmum]

Usually for anyone, its Sir/Ma'am

 

If we get to know the person further (neighbours, good friends) its usually Mr/Mrs so and so

 

But a lot of neighbours, we aren't actually fully aware of their last name, just their first. So the kids Say Mr (Firstname). They actually call the neighbouring farmer, Farmer (Firstname) which is quite cute, and he doesn't mind.

 

But the basis is Sir/Ma'am. The children meet a lot of people, but only 1-3 times, so its hard to remember all the names, so they use Sir/Ma'am as their backup/base line.

[MistyMountain]

I grew up saying Mrs./Mr last name and most people in the area I grew up use last name. In the area I live in now most people say Mrs./Mr First name. Even the teachers go by Mrs. First name. I prefer this way to using last names. I wouldn't want to be known by my last name and it seems more personal to me.

[myfunnybunch]

I ask other adults how they prefer to be addressed by my children.

 

I prefer to be called by my first name.

 

However (Other), if parents feel strongly that their children address other adults as Mr./Mrs., I support them in that over my own preference. I will often ask the parents, "Is it all right with you if I ask Little and Darling to call me by my first name, or do you prefer the children call me Mrs. S----?" Often they will say it's fine if I ask the children to call me by my first name; sometimes they prefer the children address all adults as Mr./Mrs., and I abide by that.

 

I teach my children to call adults by the name the adult uses to introduce him or herself to the child. Mr. or Mrs. Lastname is the default unless they are asked to use another name.

 

:)

 

ETA: Wondering how much of this is regional. We live in a fairly casual community. It is unusual to hear adults called Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, even by children, and usually children are invited to use the first name of adults they will see on a regular basis.

 

Cat

Edited April 7, 2012 by myfunnybunch

[Laura Corin]

My boys use a mixture, depending on how the adult introduced him/herself. Family friends are first name. School teachers are title plus last name. Karate teacher and scout leaders are first name. I teach the boys to use title and last name if they are not sure.

 

I don't care what children call me.

 

ETA: Sir/Ma'am is very unusual here and might be taken for sarcasm.

 

Laura

Edited April 7, 2012 by Laura Corin

[Mrs Mungo]

Mr/Miss Firstname is our default because it is extremely common in the military community. I think there are two major reasons for this. One, you get to know people too well for Mr/Mrs Lastname or Sir/Ma'am (which is common with adults the kids do not know well). Two, I think a constant reminder of the military person's name can make situations uncomfortable for moms and kids who are interacting outside of that bubble.

[littlebug42]

I go by what others want to be called. In the absence of a preference, with close friends the girls call them either Mr/Miss Firstname or just first name. Even after 14 years, I can still not get used to being called Mrs. Lastname and generally just don't like it. At girl scouts, they require us to use Mrs. Lastname with the kids but I hate it. I see it as a very formal form of address and I am just not that formal of a person.

[Shamzanne]

I grew up in the NW and only remember my parents telling me to use Mr./Mrs. once. For our realtor.

 

I worked in a church camp in Georgia one summer and the kids started calling me "Miss Shannon". I hated it and asked them to call me Shannon. One of the parents overheard her kid calling me Shannon and actually spanked her for it, even though I told her I had asked for it to be that way. I was appalled.

 

I am glad I live in such an informal place - I would be surprised to ever hear a kid use anything but my first name.

 

I wouldn't think well of an adult that insisted on being called Mr. or Mrs. At least in Oregon anyways.

[mom2att]

I grew up the the midwest and called all of my teachers and friends' parents "Mr./Mrs. Last Name." I taught preschool for a year there and the director was insistent that the children call the teachers by Mrs. Last Name, even the little two-year-olds that I taught.

 

Then I moved to the southeast and became "Miss First Name" first as a teacher, then later when I had kids to the children of my friends and the friends of my children, who were often one and the same.

 

And that's why the Miss Firstname thing really strikes a chord with me. Growing up I knew the parents of my friends in a more formal way, so the Mrs. Lastname thing seemed appropriate. My parents didn't really know their parents, we didn't get together and do things as families, etc.

 

But as long-time homeschoolers, my kids are friends with the kids of my friends, or at least the kids of people I've known for a long time. I call these people by their first names, and since my kids have known them since they were babies it seems natural for them to still be calling them Miss Firstname. For people like coaches or pastors we use their title before their first name.

 

The kids in our homeschool group all call me Miss Barbie, but some of the newer ones call me Mrs. Lastname. It takes me longer to answer those because I am not tuned in to that name and have to figure out who they are talking to!

[Melinda in VT]

I think it is the height of irony to try to show respect for someone by ignoring that person's expressed wish about how he or she wants to be addressed.

 

When I introduce my kids to an adult, I give the person's first or last name and then ask the adult what how they would like to be addressed. Then we go with that.

[momofkhm]

It all depends on how well we know the other person. The friends we've had since before the kids were born are Mr/Ms firstname. Or if we are otherwise close to them. If we aren't close or didn't think we'd be close, it's Mr/Ms lastname.

 

There is one family that falls into the not close with our kids calling them and them calling us mr/ms lastname that really should be mr/ms firstname.

 

Oh and if you've spent the night at my house, you can call me either one. :-) But by that time it's usually set.

[gardenmom5]

I've never understood why someone would want to be on a first name basis with a *child*, especially as it is NOT an equal relationship and kids are still very much learning boundaries.

[Farrar]

I think it is the height of irony to try to show respect for someone by ignoring that person's expressed wish about how he or she wants to be addressed.

 

 

:iagree:

[Melinda in VT]

I've never understood why someone would want to be on a first name basis with a *child*, especially as it is NOT an equal relationship and kids are still very much learning boundaries.

 

I prefer to be called by my first name because that is how I think of myself.

 

My boss (or my boss's boss or my boss's boss's boss) and I don't have an equal relationship, but we are all on a first-name basis. Mr., Mrs., and Ms. just aren't used in any professional work environment I've been in. It doesn't mean there isn't respect (both directions) or that we are confused about the nature of the relationships.

[GailV]

I prefer to be called by my first name because that is how I think of myself.

 

My boss (or my boss's boss or my boss's boss's boss) and I don't have an equal relationship, but we are all on a first-name basis. Mr., Mrs., and Ms. just aren't used in any professional work environment I've been in. It doesn't mean there isn't respect (both directions) or that we are confused about the nature of the relationships.

 

In some ways you are not in an equal relationship, but in some ways you are. In the eyes of society, you have earned many of the same rights and privileges -- signing contracts, being held accountable for your actions, voting, drinking, attending whatever entertainment you please, purchasing various items, marriage, making decisions about where and how you will live, etc. The mode of address makes note of that fact.

 

If an adult wants my kids to call them by their first name, my kids do. They call our 80yo neighbors by their first names because that's what the neighbor said when we moved in. But, honestly, the neighbors are giving up something by asking 6 year olds to call them by their first name as though they're "buddies" -- the kids totally get that they're not "buddies" and that it's a sham, somewhat like an unctuous salesperson pretending to be pals in order to make a sale. If anything, it seems to develop my kids' cynicism about how a person interacts with them vs. how the person truly feels about them.

[angela in ohio]

My dc are raised to use Mr/Mrs LastName until told otherwise. We have had several friends who insisted they call them by their first names, and it made my dc uncomfortable, but they did it. For one reason, I think it's cumbersome to ask each adult what they want to be called, and easier to just go with the most formal until told otherwise. The other reason is that I prefer my dc use their last name, and the only thing that trumps that preference is the comfort of the adult.

 

I call anyone older than me or whom I know in a professional situation Mr/Mrs LastName, too, until I am told to do otherwise. It's not just for kids; it's about respect to me. I hate the teenage cashier pulling my name off of my credit card and calling me by my first name.

 

The one exception is dh's students. They call him Mr. FirstName (used to be Principal FirstName) because that's the culture in the special needs area in our community. So they call me Mrs HisFirstName (or Mr. FirstName's Wife. :D)

Edited April 7, 2012 by angela in ohio

[Melinda in VT]

In some ways you are not in an equal relationship, but in some ways you are. In the eyes of society, you have earned many of the same rights and privileges -- signing contracts, being held accountable for your actions, voting, drinking, attending whatever entertainment you please, purchasing various items, marriage, making decisions about where and how you will live, etc. The mode of address makes note of that fact.

 

If an adult wants my kids to call them by their first name, my kids do. They call our 80yo neighbors by their first names because that's what the neighbor said when we moved in. But, honestly, the neighbors are giving up something by asking 6 year olds to call them by their first name as though they're "buddies" -- the kids totally get that they're not "buddies" and that it's a sham, somewhat like an unctuous salesperson pretending to be pals in order to make a sale. If anything, it seems to develop my kids' cynicism about how a person interacts with them vs. how the person truly feels about them.

 

I disagree that asking someone to call me by my first name implies that we are buddies. If you think that it does, then you and I are unlikely to see eye-to-eye on this. And that's ok.

 

In the elementary school my kids used to attend, all of the main teachers went by their first name, from the P3 teacher to the 5/6 grade teachers. And yet, in all our years there--including time I spent chaperoning overnight trips and volunteering in the classrooms--I never heard a child speak disrespectfully to or of one of the classroom teachers. (Some of them didn't much care for the PE teacher, but she insisted the kids call her Mrs. Lastname.)

[AdventureMoms]

I've never understood why someone would want to be on a first name basis with a *child*, especially as it is NOT an equal relationship and kids are still very much learning boundaries.

 

Well, I prefer it because it is my name. It is what I've been called by everyone I know for my whole life, so it's a little weird to me to instruct children to call me something else.

 

I don't think of myself as "above" children though. Yes I am in a different phase of life than my children, but I don't really need a title to reinforce that. Most kids seem to be able to figure it out.

 

I also don't think anyone in my local culture thinks that EVERYONE who calls them by their first name is a "buddy". I'd just as soon my kids never learn that notion because it makes no sense. None of my bosses were my buddies, my college professors were not my buddies, my various aunts are mostly not buddies. But I call all of them by their first names, per their request. It has not lessened my respect for them.

[JFSinIL]

I so dislike it when the neighbor kids call me by my first name (sigh) but their folks expect my kids to call them by their first name - it just seems to the what the younger generation of parents here expect, sopI go along with it rather than be called a fuddy-duddy (I am almost 53 - all neighbors are a good ten years younger...except across the street, where the dad is a few years older than me and, now that I think of it, they go by Mr. and Mrs. with the kids, too.:-)

Edited April 7, 2012 by JFSinIL

[J-rap]

I think when our children were young, we encouraged them to say Mr. and Mrs. Lastname, but we didn't absolutely require it, and because we always referred to people by their first names, eventually our kids did too. My husband was a rebel in high school and college and always called his teachers by their first names, which they didn't always like. He always felt that not all people earn respect just because they are adults.

 

When our son (our oldest) began taking a few classes at the ps, he started calling his teachers -- including the principal -- by their first names. They put a stop to that quickly.

 

I don't mind what other kids call me. If they call me Mrs. Lastname because that's what they're taught, I don't say "Oh, just call me Firstname!"

[GailV]

Well, I prefer it because it is my name. It is what I've been called by everyone I know for my whole life, so it's a little weird to me to instruct children to call me something else.

 

 

 

Actually, you have several names -- I doubt your passport has only First Name, for example, and I'm guessing your first name isn't actually "AdventureMoms". You also have several roles in life. You undoubtably flow easily and effortlessly from one role to the next (mother to friend to patient to confidante to customer to lover to plaintiff, etc). It isn't any more difficult to flow from one name to the next.

 

BTW, this brings to mind -- kudos to Melinda for consistency in going by the same name.

[mytwomonkeys]

I've never understood why someone would want to be on a first name basis with a *child*, especially as it is NOT an equal relationship and kids are still very much learning boundaries.

 

kids here call me miss amy (which is sort of the default for all adults in this area, they go by mr. or miss first name). with teens though i'm really comfortable with just being amy (but i'll answer to whatever they call me). i prefer my first name because teens are at a different place than younger kids. it doesn't mean we're equal or going to hang out by any means, but the level of conversation with a teenager feels appropriate to just be my first name with them. i'm still 40. i'm still old enough to be their mama. i'm not going to hang out with them or borrow cd's. the age gap and distinguished roles blatantly exist already, and them knowing me by my first name only, it isn't going to change that. for me, the boundaries are firm in place regardless.

Edited April 7, 2012 by mytwomonkeys

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

Just out of curiosity, what if a friend said to your child, "Oh, don't call me Mrs. Jones! Just call me Sally, sweetie!"

 

We would try "Mrs. Sally" but if that didn't satisfy her, I'd have to rethink it - honestly, in 10.5 yrs we haven't encountered that situation so I don't know what I'd do.

 

Several posters above have put into words what I cannot this morning - my coffee isn't ready yet. For me it boils down to this: my child isn't friends with adults. He can be mentored by adults, but it isn't the same as a friend. The title of Miss/Mrs./Mr. implies a more formal relationship, a boundary that he isn't ready to cross yet.

[eternalknot]

I am curious what you prefer your children to call most adults. I generally ask adults what they prefer my children to call them.

 

I have no strong preference, but I tend towards using titles. I come from a background that is HUGE on titles. My kids aren't even on a first-name basis with each other, they use titles for each other LOL. It's all very normal where I'm from, but is definitely not the norm for where we live now (not just regionally, but the US in general).

 

My kids tend towards using titles just because that's what they see me do, even still as an adult but when referring to my own elders. We have no hardfast rule, but they'd agree that they can't put their fingers on WHY it is so ... but it IS so that it feels "weird" to call an adult by the adult's first name only. Our culture apparently runs deep and is hardwired into 'em LOL.

 

My kids are socially adept enough to determine what most adults prefer, and to go with the flow. That approach is fine by me. We've met some people who really don't care and some who care very much what the kids call them. The kids' default is to use a title, so that even someone who uses a first name will likely become "Miss X" or "Auntie X" depending on who it is.

 

I really don't see how saying Miss/Mr FirstName is much different than just saying the first name in instances outside of a classroom.

 

Well, context is important. Coming from a culture that is high on titles, it asserts your place on the ranking ladder. The ladder exists in all of society, not just the classroom; and this is true regardless of social culture, just some ethnic cultures are more open with it. Other cultures (e.g., US) prize the virtue of climbing rank, so they're more accepting to the blurring of ascribed rank. Neither is right/wrong, better/worse ... just different perspectives :). That you don't see the difference indicates the type of culture you're most comfortable or familiar with/in.

 

To that extent, one's social culture will also determine whether you handle this issue in-house ("My kids will call all adults by the way in which I am most comfortable because I feel titles are more respectful") or leave it up to others ("My kids will call all adults by whatever that adult wants, because that's more respectful").

 

ETA: If you staunchly believe children should use titles to address adults how would you feel if an adult insisted on your dc using their first name only?

 

I'd feel taken aback because it feels more rude (to me) for an adult to be so insistent when a child is attempting to show respect in a way they best know how to.

 

In this case, it's about an adult dying on a hill miles away from the real action. The issue here is that a child is attempting to show respect by using a title; the adult, AS the adult, should see the attempt (even if the adult doesn't view the act as respect, he/she should be capable to see that the attempt is from a place of respect) and not read anything more into it. It's weird to me that an adult would deny the title of rank, yet use that same rank to win a pissing match against a kid :confused: I don't understand it.

 

Long answer, short: I'd feel that adult was more interested in an agenda than a relationship.

[MrsBear]

:iagree:

I loved calling my parents friend's Mrs lastname or Mr. lastname. I respected them and remembering feeling good showing that respect. I'll keep my opinion to myself about why adults today want to be called by their first names because it will only fuel a debate.

 

:iagree:

 

it's funny too, that even today, my friends parents remain Mr/Mrs. LastName and I'm 45! It's how we were taught to respect elders.

 

I introduce my children to adults using Mr/Mrs. LastName and I do prefer being called Mrs. LastName since I am not their friend. Friends can use my first name or my nickname, not my kids friends.

[Melinda in VT]

Actually, you have several names -- I doubt your passport has only First Name, for example, and I'm guessing your first name isn't actually "AdventureMoms". You also have several roles in life. You undoubtably flow easily and effortlessly from one role to the next (mother to friend to patient to confidante to customer to lover to plaintiff, etc). It isn't any more difficult to flow from one name to the next.

 

BTW, this brings to mind -- kudos to Melinda for consistency in going by the same name.

 

Well, as much as I hate to turn down kudos . . . my kids call me Mom, my husband has several nicknames for me, my friends from high school and college sometimes use the nickname they called me way back when, etc. And in an attempt to preserve some level of privacy on the Internet, there are some forums in which I go by a different name.

 

I don't correct kids who call me something else (unless it is Melissa or Melanie or Megan :tongue_smilie:), but the question was what do I prefer to be called, and I prefer Melinda.

 

That preference doesn't mean I think of my kids' friends as my buddies or that I relinquish any of my adult responsibilities. In fact, I'm on the less buddy-buddy end of the scale when it comes to parents. And I stand by my assertion that the way to show the most respect to someone is to call them what they wish to be called.

[AdventureMoms]

Actually, you have several names -- I doubt your passport has only First Name, for example, and I'm guessing your first name isn't actually "AdventureMoms". You also have several roles in life. You undoubtably flow easily and effortlessly from one role to the next (mother to friend to patient to confidante to customer to lover to plaintiff, etc). It isn't any more difficult to flow from one name to the next.

 

BTW, this brings to mind -- kudos to Melinda for consistency in going by the same name.

 

For internet privacy reasons, I do not use my real name on internet forums, it's true. But I do find it annoying. Sometimes it's worth it to put up with an annoyance. I guess internet security is more important to me than continual reinforcement of my "rank" above the children in my life.

 

My passport and driver's license have my full name, of course, but they do not speak to me or call my name out in public. Neither does this forum, come to think of it. If you walked up to me in public and said "Hi AdventureMoms!" I'd be pretty confused.

 

I do have many roles in life. I don't feel a need for a different name for each role, I guess. Do most people require their doctors to use different names than their kids, who use a different name than a confidant, who uses a different name than a lover, who use a different name than the court system, which uses a different name than... I mean, it could work, but really I'm ok with everyone just using my regular name, thanks. I can say very confidently that my lover, my confidante, my doctor, and most of the children in my life all call me by the same name,and I still have no trouble switching between those roles. :001_smile: I'm sure I could switch between names, but I prefer just one.