Laura Corin Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I mean, physically lean? My boys will come and sit/stand next to me, and while we talk, or look at a book, or discuss some maths, they lean on me. They are not hugging, just putting their weight on me. They've probably always done this, but I'm only now starting to notice because they are getting heavier. I'm trying to persuade them to hold my hand/put an arm around me/hug me instead, but they just lean. We have lots of physical contact during the day, so I'm thinking it's just a habit. I'm feeling squashed and uncomfortable, and when Calvin leans his head on mine, it hurts my neck. I don't like telling them to get off me all the time - it feels like I'm pushing them away - but it's really got to stop. Any thoughts? Thank you Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 The 4yo is the worst, of course, but the older ones do it, too. They particularly do it when we sit together on the couch, but sometimes when we are standing. I do tell them they are too heavy for me now, but they are welcome to sit next to me and give me a hug when they need one. It's a gradual shift, but they're learning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMCassandra Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I've got a "leaner." And it's my boy. My girl doesn't do it much. (Coincidence that it's the boys each time?) But he normally leans when I am sitting down. I don't mind if it's not my "writing" hand, like in church taking notes. He does it standing sometimes, but I guess he's not heavy enough yet to really bug me. My DH, OTOH, has a MUCH lower tolerance for leaning. He often tells DS to bug off ; ). I actually kind of enjoy it. But if I feel squashed and off-balance, I say so and ask him to stop. I think some gentle reminders to retrain the habits would work best in your case. You might sit down with them first and explain that since they're getting big they're actually hurting you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nmoira Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I don't like telling them to get off me all the time - it feels like I'm pushing them away - but it's really got to stop. Any thoughts? Yes, both girls are leaners and often hone their art simultaneously. I don't address the leaning directly, but rather say something along the lines of, "Ooops, I can't move my arm to do ________, honey. Could you move over a bit?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philothea Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Yes, I think I am a piece of furniture to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jugglin'5 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I have two leaners out of five children, one of each sex. I remember being a leaner myself. It drove my mom crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicki Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 My youngest ds, who is 12, leans on me. It doesn't bother me. I know he will outgrow it soon enough. God bless, Vicki Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Never try to get leaners to put an arm around you instead. That just tends to turn them into hangers instead, which is infinitely more uncomfortable. I just gently move them with no comment when I'm feeling patient, or snarl "Personal space, please! PER-SON-AL SPACE!" when I'm not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 My youngest ds, who is 12, leans on me. It doesn't bother me. I know he will outgrow it soon enough.God bless, Vicki I'm a huggy introvert with a big need for personal space, if that makes sense. I love lots of hugs, but when not cuddling I need to have room to breathe. Having these two heavy guys squashing me all the time makes me want to run away screaming. Not good while explaining algebra. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Laura- DS (the elder) is just slightly older than Hobbes and is a big leaner, half sit on the lap... I love to cuddle but it is hard to correct grammar lessons, go over maths etc in this position. I know exactly what you mean but I keep telling myself that before long he might get old enough that it stops. So- I try to find other times to be physically close and explain that leaning is a difficult position for both of us when working. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I have a leaner. She likes to sit right next to me no matter what I am doing, including when I'm trying to nurse the baby. It was fine when he was tiny and wee, but now that he's a distractable 9 months old it's got to stop. She looks so sad when I ask her to get up - but really, he's so long now anyway that there is no room for her on the arm of my chair. She will situate herself in her chair at the table so that she is leaning against me, if we're next to each other. Thankfully we're not usually. Physical touch is one of my primary love languages, but there are days when I just want to tell everyone to GET OFF. I know how you feel. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I mean, physically lean? My boys will come and sit/stand next to me, and while we talk, or look at a book, or discuss some maths, they lean on me. They are not hugging, just putting their weight on me. Nope, and it would drive me bananas if they did. As it is, they often hear me utter my mantra, "Personal space issues, guys!".:tongue_smilie: I love cuddling with my little guys, and I'm all for hugs but I'm not serving as a piece of furniture, kwim?;) Can't you just say to them, "Hey, guys, I love ya, but...(yada yada yada)." If you express that it bothers you and they keep doing it, I find that disrespectful on their part, given their ages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Mine do that too, especially ds12 who is as big as me. I started doing it back to him and that helped him realize he is doing it, but he still does, just on purpose now. Of course, he was the one that had to be touched and held a lot when younger too. It is hard to make the transition when your body outgrows your emotional needs. I remember being 12 and bigger than my mom and wanting to sit on her lap. We finally compromised with kneeling next to her and putting my head in her lap when I needed a lap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 My dee-cee don't but my great dane sure does. Danes are notorious leaners and lap-sitters. :eek::D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy in TN Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 eek! They don't always grow out of it. My 17yo ds is a leaner. He will come and lean and me and when I tell him to back off he will laugh and ask if I'll hold him. I tell him if he tries I'll drop to the floor and play dead like a possum. We have been having this same conversation for years now. He thinks it is funny. He also likes to hug on both his brothers. The 14yo pushes him away and tells him to love him from a distance. LOL This is the same big boy who steals the 5yo out of bed in the mornings- the little guy is still so snuggly in the mornings. I hope whoever he marries enjoys being linked at the hip. My brother is this way with his wife. If she isn't sitting beside him, she is actually sitting in his lap. And we aren't talking about young newly weds. They are 38 and 40 years old. Mandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpond1 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 He comes up and puts his hands on my shoulder or both shoulders and it just aches. I have to remind him not to push down on me. He is getting tall with the deep boy voice and is more man size than boy size. I have a no leaning policy or else I'd need chiropractic adjustment daily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Yes and no... I have one who is more insecure, she asks for hugs a lot but really only wants you to hug her lightly and not have too much physical contact (been this way from the time she was a baby). My other is very secure ego wise, and loves to hang on me, hug me, and sit up against me. So, I don't worry when I tell her, I'm hot or it's too much for me. With the other, I cringe each time I don't want one of her odd hug me from a afar kinda hugs. They always seem to be at a bad time. Ugh, kids! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph the vet Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 My ds is a leaner, the girls not so much. He is only 7 and skinny as a whippet so it doesn't bother me. Besides when I am old someday I am going to lean on them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 We have a "no leaning on anyone or anything" rule in general, but if they sit on the couch next to me, we lean together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 They mostly do it in church when we are standing and they almost knock me over. I've had to stop them from doing it because they are just too big now. It's so sad! :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommieeeee Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Yes! Both of my kids like to lean on the chair that I am sitting on to look over my shoulder. It drives me absolutely crazy! It has now become one of my pet peeves! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 No, but maybe because it would drive me up a tree if they did it, I've always subconsciously discouraged it. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashleen Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yes. My seven year old is still small enough to sit on my lap without causing much damage, but my ten year old is getting very tall, and even though he's thin, he feels so heavy when he leans on me and I can't see around him if he sits on my lap. When he starts leaning, I stretch out my arms (I have annoying elbows that make a dramatic popping sound) and wave them in the area that I want cleared. "Personal space," I sometimes add. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yes, my son has been a leaner and yes its annoying. However he has been learning kinesiology/brain gym with a woman who picked it up immediately...and the fact that he doesn't like to hold his own head up either.....and she has been working with it and I hadn't thought about it much, but the issue hasnt bothered me for a while now so I think its getting better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.