Word Nerd Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I put in ROFL smilies on that post because the idea of spending so much on MY hair is absurd to ME. If anyone else is offended by what I think about the relative value of my own hair care, it's not my problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassy Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well here's my judgment for the morning: I'm shocked that so many people here care whether they are being judged by a bunch of people they don't live with, work with or have to socialise with. There are people on here who would think I'm lazy, a slob, ignorant, talk too much, and should shut up because my kids are only preschoolers. There are people here I think are ignorant, rude, should change their religions, apologise too much, aren't judgmental enough, would benefit from a clip over the ear every now and then, etc. What a surprise. There are a few thousand people around here. Is it really so inhumane to think about them and notice enough to form opinions? And if you have started wondering whether you are one of them, you'd better go re-read the italics paragraph again. :p Rosie Wow Rosie! I feel like someone's just thrown a bucket of icy cold water all over me. Thank you, I do feel much better now. Cassy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well here's my judgment for the morning: I'm shocked that so many people here care whether they are being judged by a bunch of people they don't live with, work with or have to socialise with. There are people on here who would think I'm lazy, a slob, ignorant, talk too much, and should shut up because my kids are only preschoolers. There are people here I think are ignorant, rude, should change their religions, apologise too much, aren't judgmental enough, would benefit from a clip over the ear every now and then, etc. What a surprise. There are a few thousand people around here. Is it really so inhumane to think about them and notice enough to form opinions? And if you have started wondering whether you are one of them, you'd better go re-read the italics paragraph again. :p Rosie LOL Well good morning to you too! :p Now why don't you step into my kitchen and let me get some breakfast into you and you can tell me what you really think! ;) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 LOL Well good morning to you too! :p Now why don't you step into my kitchen and let me get some breakfast into you and you can tell me what you really think! ;) :D Ok, well I think people are hearing buckets of water when I only meant :chillpill: See, I think I'm easily ignored, so I don't get why everyone else around here isn't easily ignored too. Satisfactory, Ms Ibby? Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Ok, well I think people are hearing buckets of water when I only meant :chillpill: See, I think I'm easily ignored, so I don't get why everyone else around here isn't easily ignored too. Satisfactory, Ms Ibby? Rosie Well, to me I certainly don't think that you are easily ignored as you are one of the big voices of reason here on these boards. In fact I'm sure many people have the same amount of respect and admiration for you as I do. :) I do think I must be the one taking the crazy pills here though because I don't see anything in any of the comments I've read on this thread or the other being particularly judgmental or in need of a :chillpill: I just see people stating their opinions that's all. I doesn't bother me if they don't agree with me or I with them. It's their opinion and mine is mine. To each his/her own. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Ja well, I think I'd better pull my head in. :hat: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Ja well, I think I'd better pull my head in. :hat: LOL You're so funny. :p Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Random thoughts. 1. If you live within your means, you can buy whatever you want. 2. If you are not living within your means, then don't try to keep up with the Joneses. 3. Most of the stuff we buy isn't NECESSARY so choose what is important to YOU. 4. Realize there are vastly different costs of living in this country. PLEASE understand this. I've completely stopped discussing it with my family because they just can't understand that I can buy the exact same pair of shoes that is in their Wal-mart store and pay twice as much. I'd rather spend $350 on books than on my hair, but that's ME. My best friend thinks I'm crazy for spending $$ on books. She'd rather go pay for her nails. That's HER. I love her anyway. I think it would help for folks to remember the above but I'm all for board conversations. I don't always participate but they are fun to read. :iagree: Right on, Daisy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? I imagine some women on the board live very traditionally and their husband is assuming the HOH role; which sometimes also means he controls money completely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 It comes down to priorities. Personally, I would never spend more than $20 on a hair cut, but we take expensive vacations nearly every year. For some people looking their best is top proirity, for some it is getting new stuff, and for me it is vacations and experiences for my kids. If people have the money to do all of the above, great, but for those of us who must choose, well we must choose. I have friends in all income brackets, and it does not bother me one bit that some can do more nor do I pity those that can do less. We love each other, hang out together, and we try to be sensetive to what others can do so as not to leave anyone out of fun stuff due to finances. Who cares how much others spent on their hair or their clothes? People who spend more keep people in business so that I can spend less on those services and go on vacations. :D ETA: as far as where to discuss money, it makes people mad no matter what you say where, so at least on here we can close the threads and look at something else if we choose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? I imagine some women on the board live very traditionally and their husband is assuming the HOH role; which sometimes also means he controls money completely. I'm sure there's plenty of this. But from my own perspective, I might also say that I won't let DH do something or he won't let me spend something because when it comes to big financial expenditures (and to us, $350 on hair would be a big financial expenditure), sometimes we do do "veto" the other. Two years ago I wouldn't "let" him go to Vegas and blow a few thousand because there was just no way it was financially prudent for us, and for him to think it was manageable was kind of like magical thinking (like, "oh, it will be OK, something will come along and save us," IYKWIM). If I told him I wanted to spend $350 on my hair, even though there were cheaper options, he would probably say something like, "No, that's a really bad idea right now." And I wouldn't because if I didn't have his buy-in, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Now, if I went to him and said, "Look, I'm struggling right now and not feeling good about myself, and I really need this pick-me-up to feel better," of course he'd be all for it. (Though I don't think the same case could be made for Vegas :lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 I can't speak for anyone else, but for me personally, I feel that the Bible is quite clear that I should not be wasting the financial resources God has entrusted to our family on a lavish lifestyle. We probably could afford to spend hundreds of dollars per month on salon primping for me and oldest DD, but as a Christian, I feel morally obligated to use that money for less selfish purposes, such as helping out the less fortunate. Each of us has to make our own choices in life, and if someone feels comfortable standing before God someday justifying spending $350 on something totally frivolous when there are millions of people suffering, that's on their conscience, not mine. The only time I paid anything like $350 to get my hair done was on my wedding day, but.... The person who did pay that $350 paid it to a small business owner who pays income, FICA, workers compensation, and unemployment taxes. Additionally, they probably employ several people and might even provide some benefits (i.e. health benefits). So that money might not have been "wasted" but instead put to good use. If everyone thought like you then there would be no luxury manufacturers and beautiful cars (Rolls Royce), boats, and airplanes wouldn't exist and many people would not employed in those industries. I like the line for Hello Dolly... Money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing unless it's spread around, encouraging young things to grow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Ja well, I think I'd better pull my head in. :hat: STOP WEARING MY HAT! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 Well here's my judgment for the morning: I'm shocked that so many people here care whether they are being judged by a bunch of people they don't live with, work with or have to socialise with. There are people on here who would think I'm lazy, a slob, ignorant, talk too much, and should shut up because my kids are only preschoolers. There are people here I think are ignorant, rude, should change their religions, apologise too much, aren't judgmental enough, would benefit from a clip over the ear every now and then, etc. What a surprise. There are a few thousand people around here. Is it really so inhumane to think about them and notice enough to form opinions? And if you have started wondering whether you are one of them, you'd better go re-read the italics paragraph again. :p Rosie :lol::lol: One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? Well, I might say something like that, although I didn't on this thread. We do live rather traditionally, and I do consider my DH the HOH but he does not "control" all the money. It's more of what another poster said when she mentioned that he could "veto" something. I actually manage the money in our house, because he is more comfortable with that, but I never spend anything that is outside of our budget before discussing it(unless it is $10 or less). In our home, DH would get the final say about a big expenditure, but he would consider my feelings about it first. He might say, "no," but that doesn't mean he would do it in a harsh overbearing way or for no reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NASDAQ Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? People are infinitely various and have infinitely various ways of forming relationships with their spouses. Variations include (but are not limited to) the husband controlling the money, the wife controlling the money, shared control of the money, mutual veto power over the other`s expenses, and keeping money completely separate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? Well I mentioned have to check with my dh about spending 7.00 on a book. He does the bills (praise God!) and he gives me spending money from his check. He just hasn't yet this pay period and things are extra tight lately. So yes, I check before I spend the money. I have my own account that I do what I want with, but it's in drought season right now. :glare: If things were normal I would still check before I spend 350.00, that's a huge chunk out of our budget. If I had a standing 50.00 appointment, I wouldn't, I'd use my money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 4, 2012 Share Posted March 4, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? Seriously? Just because a husband "won't let" his wife spend on something doesn't naturally mean that he's being domineering and authoritarian. Sometimes it means that if the wife was wanting to spend a certain amount of money on a certain non-necessity and her husband won't let her, that he is being responsible, because their budget in no way contains room for such an expenditure. Personally, my husband and I make decisions together and yes, there are things he "won't let" me spend money on and things I "won't let" him spend money on. It rarely comes up because we both try to make the best decisions for our family and tend to discuss things in terms of "can we afford this?" However, I could easily turn around and say, "My husband wouldn't let me buy a yacht and a month long vacation in the south of France." Such a control freak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Seriously? Just because a husband "won't let" his wife spend on something doesn't naturally mean that he's being domineering and authoritarian. Not all marriages are between completely logical humans. Hubby will blow "his" money on gifts, flowers, presents, and junk. He won't "blow" mine. Therefore, as the wage-earner, I give him an allowance. Anything he needs over that he has to discuss. I believe he told me he, as the wage earner, handed everything over to his ex-wife as well. Smart persons knows their weaknesses! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? $350 would be a HUGE part of our budget, and expenses of that nature are discussed in our marriage. Anything over $100 that isn't a bill or groceries gets discussed. Either we both agree, or it doesn't happen. So, yes, there are times when Wolf might not let me, or I him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 On some level I agree with you, but then I look at your location and see San Francisco Bay Area and think, "If she moved to an area of the country where the cost of living was less, say Oklahoma, she would have a lot more disposable income in which to help out the less fortunate." Believe me, we've been trying for close to 6 years for my DH to find a job in a cheaper area of the country. Neither of us particularly wanted to come here in the first place and both our families are back east. Unfortunately, his industry is highly concentrated in this area so he has yet to receive an offer some place else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Dh had a friend in Germany the same rank as him (which means they made about the same salary). His wife commented on how much traveling we did and how expensive it must be. I pointed out her house full of antique furniture (they had to pay to ship some of their stuff back they had so much stuff). Same wage, different priorities. :) YES! It is exactly the same here. We all earn about the same amount. My family chooses to spend it on a really nice home (over and above what the school provides) because our home environment is very important to us. Others here cannot believe that we would pay out of pocket for our home instead of just living in the apartment the school provides. Those people travel a lot and spend a lot of money on entertainment, etc. Different priorities. Not wrong or right, just different. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristangrace Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Originally Posted by Lisbeth One thing I am surprised by....please tell me how many wives have husbands who "don't let them" spend? Is that just a figure of speech? I see that now and then on this forum and don't get it. I would have some choice words and even choic-er actions if my dh ever tried to pull that one me. Am I in the minority on that one? It's possible some women use this phrase "my husband wouldn't let me" rather carelessly. You may be hearing it as: "I want to do such-and-such and I tried to do such-and-such but my husband forcibly prevented me from doing it," and I think that's a totally reasonable interpretation, which is why you won't hear me saying it. But they may mean anything from, "We have delegated financial oversight to him, and he is communicating accurately that we don't have the money" to "I suggested it and he wasn't enthused, so I didn't bother to pursue the idea." RE that second one: Somewhere in the midst of my own 14-year marriage I discovered that I had been making a whole bunch of erroneous assumptions about my husband's thoughts. We would begin a discussion about spending money on such and such and if his starting position was negative about spending on something, my insecurities about my own competence regarding our financial big picture would kick in, and I'd drop it. I would then carry around the vague feeling that "my husband wouldn't let me" (though even then I would not have phrased it that way, even at the time). As I grew out of some of my insecurities, I very rapidly discovered that the problem was that I was not clearly communicating what I wanted. He assumed I knew we were going in as equals in the conversation. He assumed that if I wanted something, I would say so clearly. What used to happen was . . . ME: "What do you think about buying/doing X?" HIM: "I'm interested in continuing to aggressively pay down the mortgage." ME: (walking away disappointed) What happens now. . . ME: "What do you think about buying/doing X?" HIM: "I'm interested in continuing to aggressively pay down the mortgage." ME: "That makes sense, but this is something I really want to do. Can we look at the budget and see if we can make it happen?" HIM: "Sure." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 It looks to me like the real question is WHY would you project this onto the conversation? People "seem shocked?" They "seem to think" ANYTHING when nobody has stated it is a bit of a leap. I get how someone can have an entire conversation in their heads about their own impressions, but you can't accuse anyone of anything based on this. 1. Anything is fair game for a conversation. 2. Anything someone says or writes for someone else to read is open to interpretation because one cannot expect everyone to think like themself. 3. A discussion of one thing can lead to discussions of other things. That's why we see spinoffs as new threads. 4. Anything written in a forum such as this is open for discussion, even beyond what the OP writes. Once it's out there, it simply is fair game to continue talking about it for as long as people want to talk about it, or until a moderator closes the thread. 5. I am not accusing anyone of anything. I'm having a conversation based on my interpretation of the posts in that thread. I'm asking questions which people are free to answer, or free to ignore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted March 5, 2012 Author Share Posted March 5, 2012 Either we both agree, or it doesn't happen. :iagree: And there are many times I'm glad my DH stopped me. I'm a very impulsive person and impulsive buying is a great big No No for me. It's like seeing that big ole chocolate cake on the kitchen counter, grabbing a piece, and regretting that huge portion later when I could have been just as happy with a smaller slice. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted March 5, 2012 Share Posted March 5, 2012 Ok, well I think people are hearing buckets of water when I only meant :chillpill: See, I think I'm easily ignored, so I don't get why everyone else around here isn't easily ignored too. Satisfactory, Ms Ibby? Rosie You aren't ignored... at least not by me. I find your opinions on most things to be full of common sense and logic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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