So what do you *really* think of parents who keep their kids with them in church?

[Claire in NM]

If the adult Sunday school class has no problem with it and the child is not disruptive, it seems to me that it shouldn't be a problem. Of course, this might not be the case if the subject matter of the Sunday school isn't appropriate. As believers, we all have different approaches in how we raise up our children in the Lord.

 

I knew a family that had their teen homeschoolers sit with them in the adult Sunday school. What ever their reason, the teens were welcomed. I do know that some families just don't like what's going on in their high school Sunday school classes; the focus becomes on getting to know the opposite sex instead of studying the Word of God.

 

Claire in NM

[Staci in MO]

I do remember one family a while back who had to do handstands to keep their active toddler occupied during the service. I remember wondering what they had against the nursery staff, because it would have been easier on everyone to take the child to the nursery. :)

[swellmomma]

man after posting 3 pages ago that I send my children to the children's programs and gladly do so to be rid of them for a bit, I feel like the failure as a parent after reading so many pages full of posts of parents that keep their kids with them.

[Kelli in TN]

man after posting 3 pages ago that I send my children to the children's programs and gladly do so to be rid of them for a bit, I feel like the failure as a parent after reading so many pages full of posts of parents that keep their kids with them.

 

I will stand beside you in the failure line. I like the setup of our church just fine. We have no Sunday School and the kids go to Children's Worship while we go to the service. On Wednesday night the children have classes while the adults have teaching. It is true that we do not have the whole families in the sanctuary together on a weekly basis at all. I actually like that I can be fed, that I can concentrate on what the pastor is saying. I am, gulp, happy with this. But maybe if I were more....of whatever it is I am not enough of....I would not be happy this way.

 

Maybe if I did not homeschool my kids I would not be able to tolerate this setup. But I am directing their development academically, spiritually, etc 7 days a week. I can't see how being separated from them for about 3 hours per week while they learn the Bible and memorize Bible verses under someone else's tutelage can really undermine what I am teaching them.

[Danestress]

We have a couple of families who keep children with them. Most of us have children with us for worship and then send them to Children's Church during the rather lengthy sermon (usually 40 minutes of preaching at a level that would be hard for most children to absorb). They then come back for Eucharist.

 

I think starting next year, I will keep my kids with us. I'm conflicted because 40 minutes is long for me. It's very long for children. I doubt my 5th graders will really enjoy it. I wonder sometimes if a shorter, more family friendly preaching style wouldn't be preferable, but most of us do like "the way it's always been."

[Guest Katia]

We have always kept our children with us during worship at church, but then, every church we have attended has Sunday School first hour and Worship second hour.

 

Honestly, I'd never heard of a church that scheduled SS "during" the Worship service before I read this board. What and eye opener for me! No wonder people feel funny about keeping their children with them during Worship service. And....here I'd always wondered what all the fuss what about!

 

Now, at some churches we've attended, they offer a Children's Church during the sermon portion of the service. BUT, everyone is together during Worship.

 

Personally, at some churches we have let our children attend the Children's Church and at some we have not. It all depends on what is offered: real Biblical instruction at their level OR babysitting. If it's the babysitting, we just kept them.

 

Wow! Learn something new every day, eh?

 

I say keep them with you if you are comfortable with that and don't worry about what others think of you. Really. To me, it's NORMAL to keep the family together during Worship. Seems to me it's the church itself that's abnormal for trying to keep families apart. Strange!

[Soph the vet]

We keep our dc with us during the worship service complete with 50 min. plus expository sermon. They are 9,7, and 5. Our dc are not known for "sitting quietly" at least not the youngest two. It took a lot of correction, patience and discipline for them to understand that we are there to praise the Lord with song (they cannot be occupied with coloring ,etc. during the music) and by studying His Word. All 3 will open their Bibles and follow along, sometimes I'll have the older ones make tally marks for each time they hear the word "God" or "mercy" or whatever goes along with the sermon that day. Our dd5 might color a little during the sermon. Our eldest sometimes takes notes on the sermon on her own, just short ones.

Many times dd5 has been carried out by dh when she gets too wiggly but it is becoming less and less now.

I think there is such eternal value in our dc participating in the worship service with us as a family. I have shifted my thinking from "distracting" their minds so they'll be quiet during a service to "engaging" their minds in the service so they'll learn eternal truths. Kids can handle complicated doctrine better than baggage-laden adults sometimes.

Then we all go to our age-segregated Sunday school during the second service. Dh and I help out in two of our dc's rooms.

[Mrs Mungo]

man after posting 3 pages ago that I send my children to the children's programs and gladly do so to be rid of them for a bit, I feel like the failure as a parent after reading so many pages full of posts of parents that keep their kids with them.

 

Oh, don't feel that way! Please! I'm with my kids *all the time*. I live an ocean away from any family members, I have yet to find a babysitter here and my hubby is gone half the time. If I'm happy to have someone take my kids for a bit, so be it!

 

Our previous church was *much* too large to send children off through the church to their own classes in the midst of the service (in between worship and the sermon). I really think that would only work for smaller churches.

 

I've also sat through *many* informative, wonderful sermons that were not appropriate for children. So, I'm very glad to have been blessed by finding churches that fit our family.

[Vida Winter]

If I'm teaching sunday school, my kids are with me; if I'm not we're together at the church service. Even with ss, we are there for at least half of the service. Either way, we are involved and love our church and church family. What others do is fine with me.

[Jean in Newcastle]

When dd6 was 2 years old, she transfered from the nursery (where I usually was helping out) to the toddler Sunday School class. She could not handle it. She got extremely anxious to the point of waking up screaming in the middle of the night that she did not want to go to church! No, there was no abuse. (We carefully checked out the situation and there were two teachers in the room and it was all above board.) She was just developmentally not ready to be away from Mom. I explained this to the Sunday school teacher and the superintendent (while stressing that they had done nothing wrong) and told them that I would be keeping dd with me during the service.

 

She played quietly in the "cry room" while I listened to the sermon. Two weeks after I took her out of the class, I was called before the elders. Dh and I were accused of letting our dd run the household (a serious charge since dh was serving as interim pastor there). We were told that her fear was sin and that we should not allow it. We stood our ground. A couple of people (including the Sunday school teacher) shunned me for an entire year and a half until dd was eager to return to Sunday school.

 

Now you might want to know why we are still at that church?! God has been using dh in his interim pastor position. We are also stubborn people who did not allow pressure tactics to make us deviate from what we really prayerfully felt that God wanted us to do with our daughter. We sheltered our dd from any fall-out. Slowly this church is starting to turn away from legalism.

 

My answer - I feel that parenting should be up to the parents!!! But sometimes there can be negative reactions to doing what you believe God wants you to do for your family.

[Karenciavo]

Right, it is a process. I have to sit in the front row because I work the power point and that's where it is. My 5 yo, who has not yet learned the art of whispering, has been known to say things like, "Wow, he sure prayed long!" or, loved this (not) "He sure talks about himself a lot instead of Jesus." (visiting missionary) Oy. He's learning. :hat:

 

On the plus side, he worships through song, reads the Scriptures in the service, and we've had wonderful conversations that stemmed from sermons and communion.

 

We keep our dc with us during the worship service complete with 50 min. plus expository sermon. Many times dd5 has been carried out by dh when she gets too wiggly but it is becoming less and less now.

[Donna]

to Sunday School unlike the majority of people in my church who didn't mind their children crying as they left or had children who were comfortable without their parents for that short time.

 

Each of my boys decided they would like to join other children when they were 2yo. My dd, who is more of an I than an E, initially decided at 4yo to join Sunday School then was ostracized by two little girls because she "didn't go to their school." She decided to come sit with me in church and color for another year then rejoined Sunday School... one day just told me she was ready.

[Lizzie in Ma]

So we have one with us in the service, one in children's church and we all have Sunday School following service, adults and kids. By choice our oldest would often stay in service before age 10 and the little one preferred to sit in my lap during service til she was 5 so she has only gone to cc for a year or so.

We do believe in family corporate worship and we were very happy when our church made the switch to have Sunday school between services to foster just that.

[OnTheBrink]

If you let you kids go to sunday school but see other parents who don't, what do you really think about them? Does it bother you? Do you think it creates division? Do you think it's cool that they are so independent? What do you think?

 

I have no opinion about it at all. Families can certainly decide for themselves whether they want their child in SS or not.

 

I guess the only thing that bugs me about kids in church is when they get noisy and the parents don't do anything about it. Once, a family let their 3 year old run up and down the aisle throwing a stuffed Pokemon up in the air. HORRIBLY distracting!

 

After going back and reading the other responses, I'm going to amend this a bit. Our church doesn't have Sunday School during worship time. It's two separate things. There is nursery for up to age 4, and then there's junior church which begins when the sermon begins. So, all kids (unless they're in the nursery) are with parents for the singing and prayer time, then can leave for junior church during the sermon. Junior church is for PreK up through 5th grade, and it's not just a play-time; there's a curriculum for the littles and a bible study for the older kids. Not all kids go to Junior church and it's no big deal. It's up to the parents and no one has ever made comments (that I've heard) one way or the other about it.

[anewday]

We keep our children with us, but our church encourages that the entire family worship God together, so our situation is different. If we had Children's Church or Sunday School going on simultaneously, that would be tough. I would probably struggle with my children wondering what they're "missing out on" not being able to leave with all the other kids in the middle of the service and that is not the perception I'd want them to have of the corporate worship of God.

 

Our Sunday School (which is graded PreK-K, 1-3, 4-6 and adult (7th grade and up) takes place after the worship service, so there is no conflict.

 

I am encouraged that there is a "movement" of sorts within many churches to keep families together (though sometimes I have seen this go to the extreme in that the family is seen as replacing the authority God gave to the church and her leaders).

 

May God bless your desire to worship as a family and that others in your church would see this as a good thing and perhaps begin to encourage it within their own families. :)

[brehon]

As I sing with the Cathedral choir and my husband doesn't want to corral 4 young kids by himself, we utilize the nursery for our 2 youngest (18 mos and 3 yrs). This way he can focus on Mass and teaching our 2 oldest during the Mass and I don't feel guilty that he is trying to keep 4 wigglers from being a general distraction.

 

The Cathedral used to have a cry section (a second balcony, really) which was enclosed; but, during the restoration, that balcony was removed and now there is no cry room. Parents simply remove their children if they become too disruptive. The priests have said that children are the Church's future and they and most of the parishoners are fine with minor disruptions.

 

I have noticed that there is very little crying/figeting by the wee ones when we sing early music pieces. Renaissance composers tend to calm the children the most. And, as we specialize in early music (much to the Bishop's consternation:glare:), this works out really well, especially during the collections and Communion.

[Pensguys]

Our church only has a place (they call Extended Session) for ages 5 and below. The rest of the kids go into church with their parents/grandparents. My boys always came into church at age 5 because we felt they were able to sit still enough and listen and participate in worship.

 

So...I guess I don't have an opinion since we don't have that option...IF we had "children's church" or whatever, I guess I could be come judgemental of those choosing to put their children there just because my opinion is that a child around the age of 5 or 6 or so CAN worship in song with the rest of us; and can learn to sit and be still. Of course, dh has to teach them to be quiet but our boys never talked aloud in a crowd much anyway. You wouldn't believe the wonderful things that my boys have picked up from listening to our Pastor.

[Jugglin'5]

 

I am encouraged that there is a "movement" of sorts within many churches to keep families together (though sometimes I have seen this go to the extreme in that the family is seen as replacing the authority God gave to the church and her leaders).

 

May God bless your desire to worship as a family and that others in your church would see this as a good thing and perhaps begin to encourage it within their own families. :)

 

This is my belief as well. I believe the "corporate" aspect of worship to be very important. However, I do believe that there is a danger in the extreme view that the church has no authority over the children's Christian education. I believe the church created this reaction by not taking its duties to educate and nurture its children seriously, and resorting to so many worldly tactics and silly fluff. That is not to say that I believe church should be deadly dull in its seriousness, just that resorting to constant edutainment will backfire. Call it my Charlotte Mason view of children's religious education - no twaddle, please.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

That is not to say that I believe church should be deadly dull in its seriousness' date=' just that resorting to constant edutainment will backfire. Call it my Charlotte Mason view of children's religious education - no twaddle, please.[/quote']

 

Amen!:)

 

Dd6 never went to nursery, went to children's church between ages 3-5, and has been staying in church with us this year.

 

The teachers of that class used to try to coax dd up there by telling her about all the "fun stuff" they were going to do. It was almost like they were saying, "Why go to boring church when you can come to playland?" I was very offended, and one Sunday just said, "We are going to attend service as a family from now on, so you don't need to ask dd if she is coming upstairs anymore." They think she should love their program with all the "edutainment" but she doesn't. Anytime they tell me, "She had so much fun," doing such and such and I go back and ask dd about it, she tells me it was "lame-o". They don't get her at all.

 

Dd can fully participate in the service, understands the sermons, and gets the pastor's jokes. She doesn't bring toys or candy to service, nor does she flip through books or draw. I do worry what some people think because I let dd stand up on the pew for readings, hymns, etc. She can't see otherwise (all the words are put up on a screen at the front), and wants to be at everyone else's level. My grandmother would cringe if she saw that, but I think it's nice dd wants to be involved so much.

 

Yesterday, I watched a child who was older than dd sit on the floor and play with Legos during the service. When it was time to stand, he stayed there and played. When it was time to pray, he didn't bow his head. I have seen kids playing Game Boy in church, which I think is the ultimate in tackiness and disrespect to the occasion. Just my opinion, though.

[Jugglin'5]

Yesterday, I watched a child who was older than dd sit on the floor and play with Legos during the service. When it was time to stand, he stayed there and played. When it was time to pray, he didn't bow his head. I have seen kids playing Game Boy in church, which I think is the ultimate in tackiness and disrespect to the occasion. Just my opinion, though

That would be my opinion as well. I would have a hard time with that.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Our church not only advocates having families together in church, they give no other options. SS classes are held before the worship service. There are classes for adults and children. Then, everyone comes together for "church".

[GailV]

Our church not only advocates having families together in church, they give no other options. SS classes are held before the worship service. There are classes for adults and children. Then, everyone comes together for "church".

 

Oh, we used to go to a church like that! We absolutely loved it! But a lot of people left when they started that structure -- it was too radical to think that kids need attend regular worship and that adults need to actually study in a Sunday School class.

 

Before that we attended a large church where the kids all went to a separate service (except for us, since we like our kids to see our personal example of worship). I remember the last Sunday we were there they were discussing how the young people of the church were leaving it as they grew to adulthood, not feeling really connected to the church and sometimes not even connected to the faith, almost as though the young people didn't "get" how to be an adult Christian. Ummm, yeah, how 'bout that. Who'd'a thought that excluding them for several years would have a tendency to alienate them.

[Ashleen]

I like kids. I like seeing them in church. Sometimes mine have sat with me, but usually they prefer Sunday school. I don't mind either way.

 

I don't mind if little kids are annoying. I don't even mind if "big kids" are annoying. My husband is really irritated by some of the teenagers, who sit there sending text messages or even walk on the pews. But it really doesn't bother me because I figure it's better for them to be in church, even if they aren't behaving properly, than doing most of the things teens do instead of going to church. At least they're in the habit of showing up, and with time they'll mature. I just choose to see it as, "I'm glad they're in church rather than somewhere else" instead of, "why don't they straighten up?!"

[nancypants]

It's their decision. At our church there is no children's church after nursery (goes through age 3). I keep our two year old in through half of the service and if he's too talkative I take him to the nursery. (Hubby is the pastor so I have to manage all four of the boys but all the kids have grown quite accustomed to being in worship... it's neat to hear about the things that stick with them from the service.)

 

There is Sunday school during a separate hour. We used to have children's church but we had to let it go because there were not enough volunteers so the same people were constantly being overworked and unable to worship. People have adjusted very well to having their kids in church with them. When we did have CC I didn't think anything pos. or neg. about those who kept their kids in or let them go to CC. It's their family choice.

 

Personally, I love seeing (and having my own) children in church.

[Marie in Oh]

Our church only has a place (they call Extended Session) for ages 5 and below. The rest of the kids go into church with their parents/grandparents. My boys always came into church at age 5 because we felt they were able to sit still enough and listen and participate in worship.So...I guess I don't have an opinion since we don't have that option...IF we had "children's church" or whatever, I guess I could be come judgemental of those choosing to put their children there just because my opinion is that a child around the age of 5 or 6 or so CAN worship in song with the rest of us; and can learn to sit and be still. Of course, dh has to teach them to be quiet but our boys never talked aloud in a crowd much anyway. You wouldn't believe the wonderful things that my boys have picked up from listening to our Pastor.

 

K and down have something during the service, 1st grade and up go to church. Our K'er is choosing to go to church with us too, so we have one in the 2's and 3's and one in the nursury.

 

We tried to keep our 1st two in the service when they were little and it was terrible exasperating for our oldest. He hated church. Now he loves it, loves going, takes notes, listens, etc. He's really grown in this area.

 

What I don't like is that in some movements of parenting, there is a holier than thou type of attitude, like if you don't keep all your kids in church and blanket train your infant, etc. you are failing as parents. We know people like this, we have attended church with this sort of attitude, and we find it very legalistic.

 

Family worship is our preference, but we prefer not to start til they are old enough to sit still for a longer period of time. We attended one church where the pastor routinely preached for 90 minutes. I have a hard time with that, let alone my 3-4 yo.

 

Now my 4 oldest sit fine through a 50 minute sermon.