Losing temper with your children during schooltime?

[kalanamak]

I've lost my temper 3 times, but I voted monthly because once a month I really, really want to, and kiddo is aware I could lose my temper. I raise my voice and tell him, rather honestly but not sugar coated, "If I die you'll have to go to public school, and they will NOT accept X, Y, and Z", things such as singing when the teacher is talking, leaping up without asking first, coming to the desk dressed in a distracting cape, a carrot in the mouth, and a pink felt piggy hat on. Also, BMs that take half an hour arriving regularly when math gets tough.

[abrightmom]

I yell (raise my voice) more often than I lose my temper. I see them as two completely different things. Sometimes I have to yell, "QUIIIIIIET! EVERYONE DO YOUR WORK WITH NO TALKING!" just to be heard over my kids laughing and goofing off. They know I mean business at that point and they pipe down. I'm in complete control of my temper. We are just a loud family. The loudest one gets listened to. LOL. I'm kinda joking...a little bit.

 

Losing my temper happens when I'm emotionally unstable one week before my cycle starts. I have to just retreat until I'm a decent human being again. I voted other because while it may only be once a month, it is usually several episodes over a few days until I realize what the problem is. I have irregular cycles and don't always get a clue as to why I'm acting so irritable.

This is a pretty close approximation to how I am with my kids. We ARE a LOUD family....sheesh. However, I find that my LOUD voice is often HARSH which I consider losing my temper. Sniff sniff. I RARELY rant and rave though it happens from time to time ..... and if it IS the week before, then, well, I'm usually irate or a puddle of tears. Poor kids!

[abrightmom]

I've lost my temper 3 times, but I voted monthly because once a month I really, really want to, and kiddo is aware I could lose my temper. I raise my voice and tell him, rather honestly but not sugar coated, "If I die you'll have to go to public school, and they will NOT accept X, Y, and Z", things such as singing when the teacher is talking, leaping up without asking first, coming to the desk dressed in a distracting cape, a carrot in the mouth, and a pink felt piggy hat on. Also, BMs that take half an hour arriving regularly when math gets tough.

 

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

[Halcyon]

My boys are grown now, but these are some of the reasons I yelled during school work:

 

I hadn't taught them how to WORK in general and because homeschooling was the toughest WORK I was requiring from them, then of course that was where the conflict showed up most often.

 

Sometimes I was pushing too hard and not facing reality of what could be reasonably done. Kids will become passive aggressive and sloooow down and do less instead of more when pushed too hard.

 

We were living in poverty and domestic abuse, I didn't understand Maslows pyramid. My boys and I were not receiving the basics of the 1st and 2nd levels, but I was expecting us all to produce the highest level results. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

 

Sometimes I put academics above character training.

 

Sometimes I put academics above HOMEmaking.

 

Sometimes I based my worth on my success as a teacher, and based my success as a teacher, on their performance.

 

Sometimes I was using crap for materials.

 

I needed to plan some fun and was just WAY too serious. My life has always been HARD and I just don't even understand the concept of pleasure, so defiantly didn't know how to plan it into our day.

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. Much appreciated.

[Halcyon]

I've lost my temper 3 times, but I voted monthly because once a month I really, really want to, and kiddo is aware I could lose my temper. I raise my voice and tell him, rather honestly but not sugar coated, "If I die you'll have to go to public school, and they will NOT accept X, Y, and Z", things such as singing when the teacher is talking, leaping up without asking first, coming to the desk dressed in a distracting cape, a carrot in the mouth, and a pink felt piggy hat on. Also, BMs that take half an hour arriving regularly when math gets tough.

 

:lol::lol::lol: Seriously, what is it with BMs and math???

[NASDAQ]

I don't yell, but I have to take a time-out from my daughter . . . twice a week, probably. Which is not good. She's very difficult. She breaks down in a fit of crying whenever she comes across something that isn't exactly her way. This has always been a problem with this one, at least since before she was talking. It makes me understand why mums take valium.

 

I'm not a yeller. I'm a despair-er.

[Splinter]

We've only been homeschooling since September, but it hasn't happened yet. I'm not worried enough about kindergarten to get upset over it. If he won't practice writing R's because he'd rather chase the dog around in the backyard, that's what he does. And my oldest is the easiest kid ever. I don't think I've raised my voice at him (over anything) in months.

[lluv]

Thanks for this poll Halycon, I feel a little better after reading all the comments. I just yelled at my DS yesterday during school and had to stop for the day because I was so frustrated. I've been beating myself up about it feeling like the worst parent/teacher ever.

[justamouse]

Once per month, exactly on schedule. :nopity:

 

I have finally learned to just cancel the parent-led part of homeschooling for about two days. I assign some extra reading, send them all to their rooms, and eat chocolate. This, my friends, is how to be homeschooling lifer. Build the chocolate into the routine. LOL

 

And I will admit that school can be a little terse, or a little git'-er-done sometimes when life is stressful. I can't be Mary Poppins all the time. I come from no-nonsense, no-pity people, so that's my default when times are tough.

 

Having said all that, if I found myself screaming at my children all the time, calling them names, or insulting them, I'd have to figure out what to change. I'm not keeping them out of ps to make their life a living hell.

:iagree:

[Dana]

Also, BMs that take half an hour arriving regularly when math gets tough.

 

We have those too!

[Halcyon]

Thanks for this poll Halycon, I feel a little better after reading all the comments. I just yelled at my DS yesterday during school and had to stop for the day because I was so frustrated. I've been beating myself up about it feeling like the worst parent/teacher ever.

 

You poor thing! I lost it with my older today too :( I raised my voice, gave him my "mean mom" attitude and felt badly afterwards. I apologized but told him he simply cannot continually talk back/interrupt during school time--sometimes I actually need to speak, uninterrupted, for 5 minutes :glare:

 

Anyway, I did some yoga, meditated and then we all went out for dinner and Cold Stone. Tomorrow is another day.

[mytwomonkeys]

i lost my cool today. your friend is totally normal.

[nukeswife]

I haven't read all the replies, but I voted once a month. It used to be more before I broke down and took my dd for vision screening with a vision therapy Dr. Then I came home and sobbed to my dh about what a horrible mom and teacher she must think I am. I've really worked over the last half a year on how I interact with them while teaching. I used to be very school at home and expected things to run smoothly at all times. Now that I've learned to let go and how to try to approach things they don't get from many different angles it's gotten much better. I used to have "why don't they get it, this isn't that hard" moments quite often and would start to or fully lose it. Then it finally dawned on me, of course it's "not that hard" for me, I learned all of this a long time ago, they are first learning it now.

[kalanamak]

We have those too!

 

The mathemo-colic reflex!

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrocolic_reflex

[Halcyon]

The mathemo-colic reflex!

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastrocolic_reflex

 

Could it be related to this phenomenon? (warning, a bit gross)

[Hedgehogs4]

I answered "once a month" but that does not mean that I don't come close to "losing it" at least once a week or so...I would consider "losing it" to mean that when I am finished yelling I have a sore throat or scratchy voice because I flipped. my. lid.

 

I have another friend who says that she never loses her temper, but then on the other side of that thinks that if she did yell more often she might garner more respect from her kids. She deals with a lack of respect from her kids--I would never put up with the stuff she puts up with from my kids. I would, well...lose it. :glare:

[foxbridgeacademy]

At least 1X per week and this is our 4th year. Used to be more often though. I am actually very "high strung" so doing pretty good for me. I have found that the older they get the more they sass:glare:.

[kbpaulie]

The timing of this poll was like a God-send. I was toying w/ the idea the other day whether or not we should continue to HS. If I'm yelling at my kids or not patient what am I really teaching them?

 

I listened to a CD once - and frequently forget what I've learned. But one of the biggest take aways from it was that we are usually angry when OUR needs aren't being met. For example - rush hour traffic. It isn't the traffic that makes people angry. The lady who didn't have a chance to put on her make-up is grateful. The guy who's late for the meeting he feels is critical goes crazy. Look at what you're placing on your children and how this is upsetting you.

 

For me, it's usually that I feel like MY time is being wasted when the dawdle (my priority should be them - I should be happy to spend time w/ them), I become impatient when I have to repeat things (do I get it right the first time? Aren't they kids who are learning?), etc, etc.

 

Thanks!!!

[Mommyfaithe]

Once per month, exactly on schedule. :nopity:

 

I have finally learned to just cancel the parent-led part of homeschooling for about two days. I assign some extra reading, send them all to their rooms, and eat chocolate. This, my friends, is how to be homeschooling lifer. Build the chocolate into the routine. LOL

 

And I will admit that school can be a little terse, or a little git'-er-done sometimes when life is stressful. I can't be Mary Poppins all the time. I come from no-nonsense, no-pity people, so that's my default when times are tough.

 

Having said all that, if I found myself screaming at my children all the time, calling them names, or insulting them, I'd have to figure out what to change. I'm not keeping them out of ps to make their life a living hell.

 

:iagree::iagree:

On schedule...I write it into my plans and make sure we have lots of independent work those days. I also make sure I keep myself busy with housework or heavy gardening....anything to keep me busy and focused on something else. If I was losing it daily, I would do some serious soul searching, and change things around best I could. Maybe she is just expecting too much, or everything to be perfect.

 

Faithe

[Critterfixer]

I didn't feel it was worth starting a new thread, but something has me a little bothered by this thread.

If you lose your temper with a child on a regular basis, how can that be something that one wouldn't want to change? While I'm sure it can be comforting in a way to know that everyone has bad days, it seems to me that it would be more constructive if they could say how they dealt with those emotions, how they are dealing with them, and how they make amends when they've "lost it."

 

I don't mean to upset anyone. I do lose my temper--rarely. But that has less to do with having a naturally good temper (I don't) and more with not having a great deal of emotional response in general. I don't get mad, and I don't really get happy either. I suspect that those who are more prone to emotional outbursts probably are a great deal more affectionate than I could ever be.

So I have to be very careful with my temper. I've managed to deeply wound a few people with it, because it came as such a shock to them when I rounded on them in anger. I know of at least one person whom I hurt so badly by my harsh word that he left my place of employment. (He'd been scolded by everyone else, repeatedly, but when I got angry, he felt so hurt that he didn't want to be there anymore.)

 

Again, I don't want anyone to take this as a word of condemnation. More admonishment. Be careful with your tempers. A lot of damage can be done in a few short minutes than can be undone in years.

[Guest]

I am not going to say what I voted because I am so ashamed by my response. I know for me this thread has been an answer to a prayer. It is nice to know I am normal but also to get the encourgement to be better.

[Hunter]

I didn't feel it was worth starting a new thread, but something has me a little bothered by this thread.

 

The question posed was about losing your temper during school time, in sharp contrast to not losing it otherwise, and to figure out why it's happening and what is the best solution.

 

I don't think people are feeling relieved to think they have permission to lose their temper, but instead feel like they have permission to keep homeschooling, and have hope that they can fix this.

 

Even with the incredible strain I was under, I yelled at my most trying child MUCH less than the PS teachers and principal did, MUCH less.

 

Yelling during school time is usually an early warning sign of a bigger problem going otherwise undetected.

[jhockley]

I admit I raise my voice, or give a big sigh before certain things I say to dd (like the obvious, or something for the 5th time) but I lose my temper with her a lot less often during school time than the rest of the day. Way less than once a month with her during school. Ds on the other hand makes me snap a lot quicker. I think I am reading off them. Dd is still a 7yo drama queen but over time we've figured out how much we can push each others buttons and she is very good about not sassing back over school. Ds on the other hand had quite the little tantrum over drawing one letter for me.

 

While completely losing control isn't a good thing, I don't try and hid my emotions and frustrations from them.

 

I too have those several days a month that no one really wants to be around me. I even have meds for it, but the problem is it's not exactly once a month and don't start them til dh is like "um, honey... you seem kind cranky."

[....]

I'm going to vote "highly unusual", but I actually don't remember losing my temper over schoolwork. I have, occassionally, lost my temper in other arenas of parenting, tho. I completely lost my mind once last year with one of my daughters (so I've been there, believe me).

 

My view of schoolwork and tempers...

 

...if you are losing you temper frequently, it's time for a break. Take a couple of weeks off from school. You're probably just burned out/exhausted. This is why we school year-round. It takes away alot of the "we're going to get behind if we take a day off" stress.

 

...the expectations are too much for the student. I have a 1st grader who has SPD and alot of symptoms that mimic Aspergers. She's basically unschooling until she can just get daily life under control. There is no way in h&ll that kid will sit at a desk and write something (and it's not worth fighting about at this point). So, pick your battles.

 

...the expectations are too high for the mom. We're supposed to have spot-less houses, genius kids who never misbehave and a Martha Stewart dinner on antique china ready for our husbands when they get home from work. Let's not forget the 632 activities our kids need to be in so they can get "socialization". :glare: Not realistic!

 

And, like another poster mentioned, we need to be sure that OUR needs and our kids needs are met, before we can worry about schoolwork.

[Halcyon]

THis is all very interesting to me. I do think that this thread doesn't give people "license" to lose their temper, nor do I think people are perceiving this thread as justification for losing their temper. However, it is nice to know that others (and probably people you admire!) lose their temper.

 

And yes, I do think it's important for each person to analyze WHY they're losing their temper. Are they feeling overwhelmed? Are they using the wrong curricula (and hence need to corral their children into doing their work constantly)? Are they trying to do too much (I have realized that I was probably trying to fit too much in in a day, and that made me stressed and saying stuff like "Please hurry up! We have x more subjects to do before we leave for piano!!!!")? This has made a big difference in our homeschool--recognizing that I couldn't do absolutely everything, and that trying to do everything was making me stressed, which in turn, made me lose my temper when things weren't going "according to plan".

 

Anyway, I am glad this thread gives comfort to others.

[Momof3littles]

THis is all very interesting to me. I do think that this thread doesn't give people "license" to lose their temper, nor do I think people are perceiving this thread as justification for losing their temper. However, it is nice to know that others (and probably people you admire!) lose their temper.

 

And yes, I do think it's important for each person to analyze WHY they're losing their temper. Are they feeling overwhelmed? Are they using the wrong curricula (and hence need to corral their children into doing their work constantly)? Are they trying to do too much (I have realized that I was probably trying to fit too much in in a day, and that made me stressed and saying stuff like "Please hurry up! We have x more subjects to do before we leave for piano!!!!")? This has made a big difference in our homeschool--recognizing that I couldn't do absolutely everything, and that trying to do everything was making me stressed, which in turn, made me lose my temper when things weren't going "according to plan".

 

Anyway, I am glad this thread gives comfort to others.

ITA. I mentioned upthread that I just feel like I"m in an overwhelming season of life right now at times with a 7yo, a 5 yo (newly 5) and a 22 month old. I don't take this thread as permission to continue losing my temper with my kids at all.

 

I know that if my child was in public school and had homework, or I had to hustle all 3 kids out of the house to walk to the bus stop (bus comes to the corner so a 5 minute walk), etc. I would likely be losing my temper fairly easily too at times. I am also still somewhat sleep deprived (22 month old still nurses at night, although that's getting better in between bouts of teething). Again, not desirable to lose my temper at all, but it makes me realize it isn't just HSing that makes me lose my temper. It is trying to juggle the needs of three young children who need help with everything from diaper changes to meals and snacks to math to tying shoes and so on.

 

I have an awesomely supportive spouse, my kids are in only one activity at a time (and those occur mostly in the evening), etc. and it is still challenging. We do school year round so we can have more flexibility.

 

I have always strived to be a gentle discipline parent but with the needs of 3 right now I am struggling to remain patient and kind. It is an ongoing process for me and something I try to work on daily.

 

My youngest (the toddler) still cosleeps and wakes up as soon as I try to sneak out of bed. Once that is less of an issue it will help. On mornings when I can sneak out early, it helps me a great deal, even if I'm tired. I like getting a few things completed before the kids wake up. I am hoping in a year or so it will be easier to get a good night's sleep, and wake up in the morning before the kids more often. Every morning the toddler clings to my leg as I'm getting ready, screams if I walk away from him for a second when he's just getting up, etc. It starts my day off on a stressful note from the get-go, unfortunately :glare:

 

When DH travels for work (2-3 days every month or two, with the occasional longer 5-7 day trip every few months) I try to be really relaxed about schooling and just do a lot of read alouds and low stress stuff. I'd like to think I do give myself some grace, but even then it is hard.

 

I guess those are excuses, but it is where I am right now. I'm not proud of losing my temper with my kids by any means. I am not the best about self care even though I do have a supportive spouse. My new years resolution is for this to be a year where I finally do a better job of taking care of me. Exercise for the mental health benefits, take time to get out of the house more often without the kids, and so on.

[TheAutumnOak]

My boys are grown now, but these are some of the reasons I yelled during school work:

 

I hadn't taught them how to WORK in general and because homeschooling was the toughest WORK I was requiring from them, then of course that was where the conflict showed up most often.

 

Sometimes I was pushing too hard and not facing reality of what could be reasonably done. Kids will become passive aggressive and sloooow down and do less instead of more when pushed too hard.

 

We were living in poverty and domestic abuse, I didn't understand Maslows pyramid. My boys and I were not receiving the basics of the 1st and 2nd levels, but I was expecting us all to produce the highest level results. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

 

Sometimes I put academics above character training.

 

Sometimes I put academics above HOMEmaking.

 

Sometimes I based my worth on my success as a teacher, and based my success as a teacher, on their performance.

 

Sometimes I was using crap for materials.

 

I needed to plan some fun and was just WAY too serious. My life has always been HARD and I just don't even understand the concept of pleasure, so defiantly didn't know how to plan it into our day.

 

Thanks so much for this post...I can relate to so much you have said...The only difference is that I lived in poverty and domestic abuse while growing up, and while we are no where near well off, I couldn't say that we are in poverty...And there is no domestic abuse in our house...The only domestic abuse that would take place here would be caused by me, not DH :001_unsure:...But I pretty much function just as you have described...

[angela in ohio]

I'm going to vote "highly unusual", but I actually don't remember losing my temper over schoolwork. I have, occassionally, lost my temper in other arenas of parenting, tho. I completely lost my mind once last year with one of my daughters (so I've been there, believe me).

 

Same here. I used to lose my temper, just in general and not only during school time. I decided when my dc were little that I wanted to change, and I did. It was hard work, and it is still a battle some days.

 

It concerns me that losing your temper is considered the norm and those who don't must be on drugs or something. :confused:

 

I won't go on and de-rail this thread or make anyone start a spin-off about how I'm trying to make anyone feel bad by not just agreeing with the majority. :D I'm just saying you don't have to lose your temper; it's not necessarily tied to how academic you are or your expectations of your dc; and it is something that can change.

[boscopup]

I know that if my child was in public school and had homework, or I had to hustle all 3 kids out of the house to walk to the bus stop (bus comes to the corner so a 5 minute walk), etc. I would likely be losing my temper fairly easily too at times.

 

Yep, this was us! In K and 1st grade, DS went to a private school. I had to drive 10 minutes to get there. That meant BEING somewhere before 8am, and all 3 kids had to be fed and dressed and out the door. It was always stressful. Every single morning was stressful. If I actually managed to get the 4 year old to put his shoes and coat on and head toward the van in a reasonably timely manner, the 1 year old would have a poopy diaper RIGHT as we were heading out the door. If the diaper was ok, the 4 year old was in his own little world, not at all listening to the "Put your shoes on!" Very, very, very stressful. And DS1 was "tardy" 12 times in one semester of 1st grade. :tongue_smilie: Note that DS1 was not the problem 99.9% of the time (there were maybe one or two instances where he was upset about something and that caused us to be late, but that was incredibly rare).

 

So yes, bringing DS1 home to homeschool has reduced my stress level tons! We even start school at 8am or earlier most days! :lol:

 

Anyway, Halcyon, thank you for this thread. I'll bet it's helping several moms here. I know it has helped me! It's good to think about why we are losing our temper and what we can do to prevent that.

 

Btw, I used the copywork that 8 made up yesterday... DS enjoyed it! :D I think I'm going to scrap the copywork/dictation portion of WWE and just make up my own (maybe using the WWE copywork as a model at times, and other times making up something that goes with our grammar). 8's was perfect for today because we just did prepositional phrases this week, so DS enjoyed finding the prepositional phrases in those sentences. Also, afterward, he said, "Now I know how to spell Jedi!" :D

[Penelope]

It depends. Am I pregnant?

 

When I'm not, I have the patience of Job.

 

But during those certain months, look out. :glare:

[Cindyz]

One thing that helps me when I feel it rising is to pretend that he is someone else's child and I am his teacher. If he was someone else's son and I was the teacher, losing my temper wouldn't be an option.

[elise1mds]

One thing that helps me when I feel it rising is to pretend that he is someone else's child and I am his teacher. If he was someone else's son and I was the teacher, losing my temper wouldn't be an option.

 

I do this, too. I call it going into teacher mode. Or I turn on music. It's extremely soothing for both DH and I to have any sort of music in the background. I have lost my temper in the past, but it's rare. Frustration is different; that happens about once a week.

[kalanamak]

I do this, too. I call it going into teacher mode.

 

Lie down on the floor on your back and cover your eyes for a minute and then look straight up. I personally cannot see yelling on my back. It makes one breathe deeply and evenly, and the ceiling is so non-committal. However, this does not work if the kids are going to pile on and tickle you. ;)

[Hunter]

I know that if my child was in public school and had homework, or I had to hustle all 3 kids out of the house to walk to the bus stop (bus comes to the corner so a 5 minute walk), etc. I would likely be losing my temper fairly easily too at times.

 

Yup, this is the way of it. Putting them back in school is seldom the fix to whatever is the underlying problem. The triggers change, but not the root cause.

 

Yelling moms don't need to defend the choice to keep the kids home. They just need to work on what they CAN do to reduce the conflict. Unfortunately, sometimes reality is not very nice, and the circumstances that some families are living in can't be quickly fixed.

Edited January 12, 2012 by Hunter

[swellmomma]

It's a daily thing here. Mainly with my oldest BUT it is not only about the academics, I am losing my temper with him due his attitude and behaviour.

[Stillwood]

I find my self getting upset with my son about once or twice a week! I really thought I was the only one like this. I feel better, now.

[WeeBeaks]

I lose my temper frequently with one child, my bipolar ADHD child. He is going into oppositional defiance apparently. Unfortunately several psych opinions suggest he would do worse at school, though I likely would do much better. That isn't an option right now, so I do the best I can with what I was dealt in life.

[swellmomma]

I lose my temper frequently with one child, my bipolar ADHD child. He is going into oppositional defiance apparently. Unfortunately several psych opinions suggest he would do worse at school, though I likely would do much better. That isn't an option right now, so I do the best I can with what I was dealt in life.

 

:grouphug: Exactly what is happening here. I have been told my oldest would do much worse in ps as far as his education goes, in fact from the get go ps has always seen him has a write off, you know the kind of kid you just pass along to avoid having him in your class. Putting him in would save my sanity. He has ADHD and conduct disorder along with a suspected mood disorder. I completely understand why you lose your temper and that is not something that you think is okay, because I live it daily too.

[FairProspects]

"Please hurry up! We have x more subjects to do before we leave for piano!!!!"

 

 

:lol: I actually said this exact phrase yesterday!!

 

However, I really feel stuck in what we have to do. Ds has LDs and takes at least twice as long to do subjects as he should, and I can't drop anything since we are virtual schooling and required to report weekly on certain subjects that have to be done so often. Dropping the virtual school is not an option because then the kids would lose all their extra-curriculars that we can't afford otherwise. It is what it is, but still a better outcome than PS.

[butterflymommy]

I know that if my child was in public school and had homework, or I had to hustle all 3 kids out of the house to walk to the bus stop (bus comes to the corner so a 5 minute walk), etc. I would likely be losing my temper fairly easily too at times.

 

:iagree:

 

When my girls were in school I lost my temper about as bad as I possibly could on a daily basis. Getting them out the door to school in the morning was hellish. Every morning since returning to homeschooling, I wake up thankful not to have to go through that.

 

I don't know why it was so bad for us-- but it really was. If for no other reason we are a MUCH more peaceful household now without the morning rush.

[Amy Jo]

I choose other. I generally have a few days... every month .... :glare: If possible, I send the kids out to play - extra nature time never hurt anyone! Usually I can stay very positive when I'm teaching. Not that I'm perfect. If I think I'm getting to upset / tired, I'll switch to something else. And if it's everyone, I'll back up and make sure we've all eaten properly (not sugar!) and are rested.

 

I don't mind being thought of as 'mom who made me clean up after myself and finish my work'; I don't want to be remembered as 'mom who was angry and yelled a lot'.

[nikkid]

I'm ashamed to admit something has gotten worse in the last couple months, to the point where I think it might be emotionally healthier to send my dd8 to ps for 4th grade. It was stressful when she was in ps, so when we first started hsing in 2nd grade it was a relief to have the stress spread out over the day rather than peaks at 8am and 3-7pm. (That is something I've come to realize...whatever your choice it's challenging to balance it all. You just choose when and where the challenges move.) Now it's swung back to too much stress again. Granted I know we have too much going on, but I don't know where to cut...I have to work part-time to put my dh through grad school. We limit outside activities to only one sport (only one hour a week) and one day at the co-op. Doesn't sound like much, but it just seems stressful for some reason. Maybe I've just become burned out and run out of patience. I have so much to get better at, it's exhausting and I hate to feel like my two kids are suffering while I'm taking so long to improve...ahhh, just one of those days when you don't feel like you're good at anything. (But I take heart in hearing that others have this too, it's normal, so pick up the pieces and keep trying my best.)

[poetic license]

Yup, this is the way of it. Putting them back in school is seldom the fix to whatever is the underlying problem. The triggers change, but not the root cause.

 

Yelling moms don't need to defend the choice to keep the kids home. They just need to work on what they CAN do to reduce the conflict. Unfortunately, sometimes reality is not very nice, and the circumstances that some families are living in can't be quickly fixed.

 

:iagree:

 

A long-time HSing friend told me that sometimes mothers think that sending the child to school solves the problem; in reality it only masks it. When the parent and children have to be together all day, they are forced to confront the underlying issues.

 

Of course I don't mean this to say that all families with conflict should turn to HSing as a solution ;)

 

Somehow I suspect that in real life the percentage of daily yellers is higher than this poll suggests--this is what I gather from people I have met IRL. Granted, maybe y'all are more saintly than the general population or you save the yelling for after-school hours. ;)

[Punks in Ontario]

I put that I very rarely lose my temper, but I'm not sure my kids would agree. It helps that they've always been homeschooled and are really easy guys to be around. Now, if I'd hs my daughter, it would have been daily.

[Jen+4dc]

I yell (raise my voice) more often than I lose my temper. I see them as two completely different things. Sometimes I have to yell, "QUIIIIIIET! EVERYONE DO YOUR WORK WITH NO TALKING!" just to be heard over my kids laughing and goofing off. They know I mean business at that point and they pipe down. I'm in complete control of my temper. We are just a loud family. The loudest one gets listened to. LOL. I'm kinda joking...a little bit.

:iagree:

This is me, too.

 

One thing that helps me when I feel it rising is to pretend that he is someone else's child and I am his teacher. If he was someone else's son and I was the teacher, losing my temper wouldn't be an option.

What a great idea! Thanks!

[NotAVampireLvr]

I'll fess up and say I give myself time out's daily. I also find the need to apologize about something I was unreasonable about at least once a week.

[mommymilkies]

I admit to more than once a week. Not all the time, but usually it's due to some very difficult children who have meltdowns 500 times a day because the sky is blue and/or pencils are made of wood.

[Mommy22alyns]

Homeschooling only, once a week or less. It definitely does happen. Like yesterday, Sylvia could NOT tell me how long x took if it started at 4:00 and ended at 5:00. She said that it didn't make sense and tried guessing one MINUTE. I snapped.

[georgialee]

I am not one to ever lose my temper unless I'm having hormone issues which is maybe a few times a year.

 

Has your friend tried a reward system? My older son is a complainer/whiner/wasting time-er LOL. I decided to tie his allowance to his school work instead of to chores. He gets 4 quarters a day. Every time he whines or complains about something I take one away. Guess how many quarters he's had taken away since I started this??? 0!!! He's also very money/thing oriented though, so I hit him at his sweet spot.

 

I think it's important to make sure to keep the curriculum interesting and fun, too. No kid is going to want to sit down and work if they find every subject boring. If her kids are older maybe she could let them pick out a subject or two?

[julikins]

I agree with another pp that said that it happens when she's pregnant. It's definitely harder to remain in control. But, I really believe if I am stressed out, and usually it isn't even school related (right now some of the stressors are: high-risk pregnancy, building a house, HEAT, having to fit into everyone elses schedule to the detriment of our homeschooling time), I tend to struggle to not let my stress bleed over to how I treat my children (whether in school or not). My husband is in and out of the house a few times a day from work and usually it's in the very middle of a lesson and he has to have me answer a question right then. I understand, this isn't going to be happening forever (actually I'm praying it will be over by the end of the month), but I just feel like there is too much being asked of me. I actually yelled to no one in particular yesterday, "How can I help everyone at the same time!" I can't and I really think that is where we are needing to start instituting change here at our house. That and learning to respect each other a lot more. I'm pregnant (6 months) and pretty soon the baby is going to be here. How's it going to be when she gets here? Something's got to give.