Would you let a 10 month old cry it out?

[mommaduck]

I am not good at distinguishing my children's cries. The only ones I can tell are the "I'm in pain" cries. Other than that, they all sound the same. Maybe that's why she's waking up so much. At six months, she got a cold and was waking up. I'd go get her and comfort her and feed her. I'm not an uncaring monster either; I know that when I am sick I am absolutely miserable at night. I was trying to help her. And now here we are four months later, still waking 3-5 times a night and she's not sick.

 

I do not believe she's trying to manipulate me. It's possible that it's just a habit by now. I do not believe she's being sinful. I do not believe any infant is sinful. My religion does not do infant baptisms because we don't believe that infants are sinful. Never, ever have I heard that infants are sinful. If someone tried to convince me that they are, I'd run the other way.

 

In my case right now, I can't see that there's anything wrong with her. She could maybe use more calories during the day. I can try other methods to try and get her to fall back asleep once she's night weaned. But I know it is taking it's toll on me. I have a constant headache, I get dizzy and lightheaded frequently, and I'm snappish and grumpy. That's after four months. With Digby it went on for 12 months and I went crazy. I can't afford to go crazy again. I won't put my children through it again. I think poor Pigby probably suffered more from that than he did the few times he cried it out.

I hope you find what works :grouphug: Maybe it is a habit, due to age and maturity...it will get better in time. I know it's hard. I deal with insomnia. I do understand. Can DH take a turn?

[5LittleMonkeys]

Regarding comparing my husbands reaction to me crying...if I woke up 4-6 times a night every night for months and told my dh that there was nothing wrong, just that I wanted to chat....yes, he would pat me on the back and tell me to try to go back to sleep. After a while he might go sleep on the couch or suggest that I do.;)

 

I just want to clarify too, that when my dc wake during the night now and cry I do go in to see what the problem is (just as I did up to the point that it had become habit with them). Sometimes there is a problem and I deal with it...I've spend many sleepless nights in my 14 years of parenting with cold rags on foreheads and holding buckets for them to vomit in...but sometimes there isn't a problem and a quick hug, kiss and tucking in finds them going right back to sleep. The conditions upon which I decided to use the technique I used were extreme. I would not have taken that route, nor would I ever recommend anyone doing so, if my dc were only waking and crying occasionally.

 

Edited to add: For what its worth...I've never heard of Ezzo or read any CIO book. I did what I did on the advice of my mom...only later did I find out that what I did was a variation on CIO.

Edited December 13, 2011 by 5LittleMonkeys

[mommaduck]

Regarding comparing my husbands reaction to me crying...if I woke up 4-6 times a night every night for months and told my dh that there was nothing wrong, just that I wanted to chat....yes, he would pat me on the back and tell me to try to go back to sleep. After a while he might go sleep on the couch or suggest that I do.;)

 

I just want to clarify too, that when my dc wake during the night now and cry I do go in to see what the problem is (just as I did up to the point that it had become habit with them). Sometimes there is a problem and I deal with it...I've spend many sleepless nights in my 14 years of parenting with cold rags on foreheads and holding buckets for them to vomit in...but sometimes there isn't a problem and a quick hug, kiss and tucking in finds them going right back to sleep. The conditions upon which I decided to use the technique I used were extreme. I would not have taken that route, nor would I ever recommend anyone doing so, if my dc were only waking and crying occasionally.

 

Edited to add: For what its worth...I've never heard of Ezzo or read any CIO book. I did what I did on the advice of my mom...only later did I find out that what I did was a variation on CIO.

I first learned it from my mom also. But I chose not to do what my mom did (I did a lot of things differently...this doesn't mean my mother was a "bad" mom). The Ezzos would be from my mama's generation and they took ideas of what they did and started propagating them as "God's Way" of raising children...they take this practice and then further it to an extreme mentality.

[meggie]

I hope you find what works :grouphug: Maybe it is a habit, due to age and maturity...it will get better in time. I know it's hard. I deal with insomnia. I do understand. Can DH take a turn?

 

He maybe could on the weekends, but he's such a heavy sleeper and I'm used to waking up when the kids cry. It would take me five minutes of shaking and telling him to wake up. And then he might not even be very conscious. Since she's in the same room as us, I'd probably be awake the whole time anyway.

[Abigail4476]

Pertinent article from Psychology Today:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

[mommaduck]

He maybe could on the weekends, but he's such a heavy sleeper and I'm used to waking up when the kids cry. It would take me five minutes of shaking and telling him to wake up. And then he might not even be very conscious. Since she's in the same room as us, I'd probably be awake the whole time anyway.

Oy, are we married to the same guy? When mine did this, he would have me nap during the day on the weekends and take care of the baby long enough for it. It wasn't a solution, but it did help. Unfortunately, I really believe the solution is time. I've had to apologise to my kids for my attitude. It helps to explain to them what is going on "Mom is getting very little sleep due to the baby".

[Bluegoat]

I am not good at distinguishing my children's cries. The only ones I can tell are the "I'm in pain" cries. Other than that, they all sound the same. Maybe that's why she's waking up so much. At six months, she got a cold and was waking up. I'd go get her and comfort her and feed her. I'm not an uncaring monster either; I know that when I am sick I am absolutely miserable at night. I was trying to help her. And now here we are four months later, still waking 3-5 times a night and she's not sick.

 

I do not believe she's trying to manipulate me. It's possible that it's just a habit by now. I do not believe she's being sinful. I do not believe any infant is sinful. My religion does not do infant baptisms because we don't believe that infants are sinful. Never, ever have I heard that infants are sinful. If someone tried to convince me that they are, I'd run the other way.

 

In my case right now, I can't see that there's anything wrong with her. She could maybe use more calories during the day. I can try other methods to try and get her to fall back asleep once she's night weaned. But I know it is taking it's toll on me. I have a constant headache, I get dizzy and lightheaded frequently, and I'm snappish and grumpy. That's after four months. With Digby it went on for 12 months and I went crazy. I can't afford to go crazy again. I won't put my children through it again. I think poor Pigby probably suffered more from that than he did the few times he cried it out.

 

 

I'll take a guess at what is happening.

 

Pretty much everyone comes out of deep sleep a few times a night. For babies, that is often about every two hours, with maybe a longer block between 2 and five o'clock or so. That is all part of normal sleeping patterns, and that won't change - you won't stop normal aspects of the sleep cycle no matter what you do.

 

Adults typically turn over and go back to sleep unless there is something which really gets us up.

 

Babies are somewhat similar. If there is something bothering them, like teeth, or temperature or whatever, they will also wake up all the way at those times and look for comfort.

 

There are also other kinds of issues with babies though. Small babies have immature bodies and brains, and when they are left alone in a quiet place, they can become disoriented - they can't see much and their sense of their bodies placement isn't really working. That is why a lot of babies sleep longer when they co-sleep - having their bodies touching the parents body helps them reorient themselves, they need that feeling on their skin to figure out where they are and feel safe. This is true too I think of those babies who don't want o co-sleep, they still need that feeling to help fall back asleep.

 

With a ten month old who was sleeping more and is now waking, I doubt that is the issue. It could be something physical that is not obvious - scratchy pjs, a new food, noise.

 

But as I and a few others mentioned, I may be an internal issue - has your baby started to dislike being separated from you in the day? Babies at that age often have separation anxiety because they have realized the implications of being left. So when bby wakes in the night, it is now a matter of realizing "Oh no, I am alone, where is mommy" where that didn't happen before.

 

If that is the issue, it will eventually go away on it's own as baby realizes you are close by and will come as required. If you'd rather not wait, I'd sayuse some of the techniques from a book like "The No Cry Sleep Solution" to speed things up.

 

I don't believe in CIO for a lot of reasons, although I tried it with my oldest dd when I wasn't a very confidant mother. But I think if the problem is separation anxiety, that is all the more good reason not to. If CIO works for that, it is only because the baby has realized that there is no use crying, because in fact you are not going to come.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I first learned it from my mom also. But I chose not to do what my mom did (I did a lot of things differently...this doesn't mean my mother was a "bad" mom). The Ezzos would be from my mama's generation and they took ideas of what they did and started propagating them as "God's Way" of raising children...they take this practice and then further it to an extreme mentality.

 

It's really hard to understand tone and meaning through a post.

 

My mom didn't know who Ezzo or what the "CIO" method was either. This was advice handed down to her by her mom and aunts and they didn't know what "CIO" was either, it was just a gentle way to train a baby to go back to sleep on their own when other methods didn't work. My mom told me not to just close the door and walk away...she told me to make sure there was no problem (wet, hot, cold, in pain, hungry) but then to go in every couple of minutes then try to extend the amount of time between going in. I don't think anyone in my family would ever just shut the door and walk away to let a baby cry for hours on end. I think we can both agree that that would be neglectful and harmful. Perhaps the problem with all of this misunderstanding is that what many of us seem to be talking about isn't true CIO method.

[meggie]

double post.

[meggie]

Oy, are we married to the same guy?

Well, I certainly hope not!:lol:

 

He's making me go to bed early, which seems to be the best we can do right now. I'm still tired, dizzy, headache and all, but I have noticed it helps me get up when the boys do and not be so awful. If I take naps, then I can't fall asleep at night, which makes me sleep in and not get up when the boys do, which turns into a perpetual cycle of tiredness. Maybe once she's eating more during the day I'll try sleeping on the couch downstairs and let him deal with it.

[mommaduck]

It's really hard to understand tone and meaning through a post.

 

My mom didn't know who Ezzo or what the "CIO" method was either. This was advice handed down to her by her mom and aunts and they didn't know what "CIO" was either, it was just a gentle way to train a baby to go back to sleep on their own when other methods didn't work. My mom told me not to just close the door and walk away...she told me to make sure there was no problem (wet, hot, cold, in pain, hungry) but then to go in every couple of minutes then try to extend the amount of time between going in. I don't think anyone in my family would ever just shut the door and walk away to let a baby cry for hours on end. I think we can both agree that that would be neglectful and harmful. Perhaps the problem with all of this misunderstanding is that what many of us seem to be talking about isn't true CIO method.

My mother didn't do the "every few minutes" thing, though I did. She did the "put them in their crib and as long as the crying wasn't totally out there, don't pick them up". No, they didn't call it CIO (okay, mine did). There is some history to the practice and how it got passed down in the psychology link above. It seems to have started in the 1880's.

[mommaduck]

Well, I certainly hope not!:lol:

 

He's making me go to bed early, which seems to be the best we can do right now. I'm still tired, dizzy, headache and all, but I have noticed it helps me get up when the boys do and not be so awful. If I take naps, then I can't fall asleep at night, which makes me sleep in and not get up when the boys do, which turns into a perpetual cycle of tiredness. Maybe once she's eating more during the day I'll try sleeping on the couch downstairs and let him deal with it.

Yeah, I'm supposed to be going to bed earlier also. I have trouble doing that when my only down time without kids is the middle of the night and I'm trying to sew Christmas presents :glare:

[TheAutumnOak]

I am not sure of what the "cry it out" method is, so I can't say whether I would do that or not...I would not get up in the middle of the night to nurse or feed a 10 month old who has had something to eat before going to bed...If he/she started to cry for me to come and feed, I would not do it...All three of my boys woke up crying at some point pass the point where they were nursing exclusively...They nursed exclusively until about 6 or 7 months, then they nursed and ate some food...When they did wake up and cry at that point, I did not go and feed them...They cried for at least 10 or 15 minutes then went back to sleep...The longest this went on was about 3 days...After that, they did not wake up crying during the night unless they were sick...

 

I know a lot of people in our culture don't agree with letting a baby cry for any reason...If you really want honest opinions, you could try setting up a poll...Most people who would do something similar to what I did will not post on this thread...

[SKL]

My mom didn't know who Ezzo or what the "CIO" method was either.

 

I never heard "CIO" until I discovered parenting forums, LOL. And I helped my mom raise her two youngest.

 

I just learned that you listen to the baby's cry, which is differentiated at a fairly early age. If the baby is doing his "I wanna do what I wanna do" cry, you tend to him momentarily, tell him it's time to sleep, and leave. But, you keep listening to the cry. You don't just let it go on forever or ignore it if it gets desperate or sickly.

 

10 minutes of the demanding cry is rather long in my experience. However, a baby who has been consistently indulged will have more stamina in that respect.

 

Then again, I wonder how much has changed due to the "back to sleep" campaign. Back sleeping makes babies lighter sleepers, and also, there are fewer options for repositioning the baby for comfort. Personally, I think "back to sleep" is bunk for babies old enough to move their own heads from one position to another. But that's a different discussion.

[mommaduck]

I never heard "CIO" until I discovered parenting forums, LOL. And I helped my mom raise her two youngest.

 

I just learned that you listen to the baby's cry, which is differentiated at a fairly early age. If the baby is doing his "I wanna do what I wanna do" cry, you tend to him momentarily, tell him it's time to sleep, and leave. But, you keep listening to the cry. You don't just let it go on forever or ignore it if it gets desperate or sickly.

 

10 minutes of the demanding cry is rather long in my experience. However, a baby who has been consistently indulged will have more stamina in that respect.

 

Then again, I wonder how much has changed due to the "back to sleep" campaign. Back sleeping makes babies lighter sleepers, and also, there are fewer options for repositioning the baby for comfort. Personally, I think "back to sleep" is bunk for babies old enough to move their own heads from one position to another. But that's a different discussion.

I agree with it being bunk.

[Impish]

Different babies, different needs.

 

I completely understand sleep dep. With Diva, I was having migraines that would last 2-3 days, a day break, then migraine again, just from sleep dep.

 

She'd only sleep w/me, and I just don't sleep well when cosleeping.

 

I was on my own then, so there was nobody to help out.

 

I did CIO w/her, out of sheer desperation, at probably the same age. Thankfully, it was a night, maybe two, and problem solved.

 

Princess, however...I picked her up whenever she cried, and was getting probably less than an hour sleep at a time. Discovered, completely by fluke, that she wasn't crying b/c of a need...She cried in her sleep the exact same way Wolf talks in his sleep. If I didn't pick her up, but waited (5 mins?), she went from up every hour to sleeping through the night!

[Haiku]

Yes, I would. Ten months is about the time that the newborn "sleep like the dead" thing is wearing off and the child is starting to realize that mom isn't always right there. You can either train your child to demand that you come in the middle of the night, or you can train your child to go back to sleep. All the standard "As long as she's not sick" qualifiers.

 

Unfortunately for me and my mental health, I bought into the "my child will be a neurotic, detached freak if I am not there the second she makes a peep" idea and I ended up becoming a neurotic freak because we all slept so poorly. Were I to do it again, I would sleep-train a child starting at about that age.

 

Co-sleeping was a disaster for us. In her own crib, dd slept for several hours at a stretch. In our bed, she woke every 40 minutes or so.

 

Tara

[SweetBean]

Pertinent article from Psychology Today:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

 

" giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later"

 

Sometimes what baby needs is sleep. I actually don't think crying it out is a good idea, but I do think the Ferber method works great, and have had to refer to his book at one time another with all 4 of my kids. It has worked wonderfully. http://www.amazon.com/Solve-Your-Childs-Sleep-Problems/dp/0743201639/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1323811164&sr=8-1

 

There is nothing to be gained by neither mother nor baby sleeping. Just letting the baby cry themselves into an over stressed mess is hard on both parent and child. Dr. Ferber has great advice for developing sleep associations and training.

[2squared]

Sometimes what baby needs is sleep.....

There is nothing to be gained by neither mother nor baby sleeping.

 

:iagree: I was thinking of this thread just this morning. My 13mo was clearly in need of sleep, and he wasn't settling down to nurse to sleep like usual. I think he wanted to play with my four little crazies. :tongue_smilie: I put him in his crib, he cried for a few minutes, and then he was out for two hours. He woke up happy and rested.

 

Obviously parents can take anything to the extreme, but I don't think anyone here is advocating letting a baby cry while in distress, for long periods of time, etc. The CIO parents are advocating knowing your baby, knowing yourself, and understanding all the tools in your parenting toolbox. If CIO isn't in your toolbox, fine, but it's a viable tool for some parents.

[KrissiK]

I've been coming back to this thread, reading bits and pieces of it, so forgive me for not knowing all of it. However, I have a 14 month old (she's been in our home for 4 months) who has been waking up several times during the night. She is a foster child, so she is not allowed to sleep with us (though we probably would not have done that anyhow), she's not hungry (I've been giving her a bottle but she doesn't drink much), we can't figure out what her problem is. Yes, she's cried for an hour or more. We do the ol' getting up, change her diaper, pat her back, rinse, repeat! She's fine, cheerful, happy during the day. We think part of it is teething, though giving her Tylenol doesn't always work, and she doesn't necessarily show signs of teething discomfort during the day. We've done CIO with our older son and it worked like a charm. 2-3 days of crying for 10-15 minutes and he was sleeping through the night. So, we're pretty baffled with this one.

 

However, another point I'd like to make (it's fresh on my mind since I went to a class yesterday on Shaken Baby Syndrome) is that it if a parent is exhausted, not getting enough sleep the chances of them getting frustrated by a crying baby are higher. In this class we learned that anyone can get frustrated and shake a baby enough to give brain damage, and that it can come on a person quickly. We used demonstration dolls and it doesn't take too vigorous a shaking to do brain damage. My point is, if a parent needs sleep and they've done everything they can do.... it's better to let a baby CIO than suffer damage done by a loving, but completely exhausted, frustrated parent.

[keptwoman]

10 to 15 minutes IS cry it out -- do you wabnt to cry for 20 minutes while yur DH sits on the other side of the door to see if you'll "stop it"

Yeah, I would. I prefer to cry alone. Perhaps some babies are like that too. I know one of mine definitely is.

 

One thing I noticed - anti-CIO folks often seem to forget the fact that babies actually benefit from sleep, and the more the better. A baby who has been allowed to be up most of the night is not learning/growing at an appropriate pace and is generally not as happy, day or night, as he could otherwise be. Many kids whose parents refuse CIO on the principal that it's "for the parents" have kids who go for years crying instead of sleeping. How that is better than a few nights of sleep training is beyond me.

 

I understand that CIO is not needed by many, and not appropriate for some babies. But I think it's great that millions of parents have found this opportunity to trade maybe an hour of crying over a few days for years of sleep problems that affect the whole family.

:iagree:

 

Okay, here it is plain and simple.

 

In MY situation, my dc were not in pain, hungry, scared, too hot, too cold or any of the other excuses some of you are coming up with for why they were crying. Waking and crying had become HABIT because for weeks prior to this they would wake, cry and momma would come running and hold them and sing to them and cuddle and comfort them. (Yes, I do love my dc and I'm not some uncaring, unfeeling ogre who ignores her children because of my selfish desire to sleep) Of coarse they learned really quickly that this was much more enjoyable than just laying in their bed and having to go back to sleep. IT WAS HABIT AND IT WAS THEIR WAY OF GETTING SOMETHING THEY FOUND ENJOYABLE.

 

My dc could not co-sleep. They would stay awake and want to play, sing, talk and move around. My husband was gone at the time and I had no one to help. It got to the point that I was leaving the stove on during the day, leaving the front door open, falling asleep while reading a book to my dc...it wasn't safe. I did what I felt was in the best interest of my dc at the time and I do not regret it.

 

If it was such a horrendous experience for my dc how do you explain that within days they had learned to go back to sleep on their own. They aren't traumatized, don't have separation issues, don't have abandonment issues.

 

I am really amazed that some can't accept the fact that the method I described using, used wisely and compassionately is effective for some dc. What works for some won't work for others. Co-sleeping was a complete fail for us but you haven't seen me bad-mouthing and preaching the dangers and pitfalls of doing so...I'm sure I could come up with oodles of books and articles saying how co-sleeping is harmful or bad. How many times have I heard of dc being suffocated because parents roll over on them!

 

I am horribly offended that some of you think you are a better parent or that you must love your dc much more than those who have chosen to deal with these sleep issues differently. EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD LOVES THEIR CHILDREN AND ARE GOOD PARENTS. Why can't some of you accept that variations of CIO are effective for some dc when used wisely and in love just as you accept that sometimes co-sleeping is the best solution?

:iagree:

 

I just want to clarify too, that when my dc wake during the night now and cry I do go in to see what the problem is (just as I did up to the point that it had become habit with them). Sometimes there is a problem and I deal with it...I've spend many sleepless nights in my 14 years of parenting with cold rags on foreheads and holding buckets for them to vomit in...but sometimes there isn't a problem and a quick hug, kiss and tucking in finds them going right back to sleep. The conditions upon which I decided to use the technique I used were extreme. I would not have taken that route, nor would I ever recommend anyone doing so, if my dc were only waking and crying occasionally.

:iagree:

[HS Mom in NC]

One of mine had restless leg syndrome. Not trying to get to the bottom of her problem would have been cruel and lazy as parent. An over-the-counter product solved her problem. She also had severe sleep issues (including night terrors) due to being adopted and sent from one home into another. At least our agency was ethical enough to tell us up front to expect serious sleep issues for as long as 10 years. They suggested anyone unwilling to deal with that might not be a good candidate for international adoption.

 

A pox on anyone suggesting CIO categorically rather than beginning with trying to figure out if there's an underlying cause.

 

Another of mine had infant migraines as a newborn (due to breech positioning and a rough extraction during a crash c-section.) 6 hours of screaming and vomiting every night (like clockwork.) After several weeks of chiro treatment everything was fine. At 9 years old she started having 6 hour migraines with vomiting again. It takes chiropractics and serious meds to treat it.

 

Did I mention how much contempt I have for parents who jump right to CIO advice assuming there couldn't possibly be legitimate reasons for interrupted sleep patterns? Oh yes, I did.

[Meriwether]

One of mine had restless leg syndrome. Not trying to get to the bottom of her problem would have been cruel and lazy as parent. An over-the-counter product solved her problem. She also had severe sleep issues (including night terrors) due to being adopted and sent from one home into another. At least our agency was ethical enough to tell us up front to expect serious sleep issues for as long as 10 years. They suggested anyone unwilling to deal with that might not be a good candidate for international adoption.

 

A pox on anyone suggesting CIO categorically rather than beginning with trying to figure out if there's an underlying cause.

 

Another of mine had infant migraines as a newborn (due to breech positioning and a rough extraction during a crash c-section.) 6 hours of screaming and vomiting every night (like clockwork.) After several weeks of chiro treatment everything was fine. At 9 years old she started having 6 hour migraines with vomiting again. It takes chiropractics and serious meds to treat it.

 

Did I mention how much contempt I have for parents who jump right to CIO advice assuming there couldn't possibly be legitimate reasons for interrupted sleep patterns? Oh yes, I did.

 

Oh my.

 

I would and have let a baby cry themselves back to sleep. I must be lazy and cruel, not to mention contemptible. :rolleyes: Oddly enough, my kids are happy, well-adjusted, and pretty darn smart (in spite of all those destroyed nuerons).

[5kidsforME]

Oh my.

 

I would and have let a baby cry themselves back to sleep. I must be lazy and cruel, not to mention contemptible. :rolleyes: Oddly enough, my kids are happy, well-adjusted, and pretty darn smart (in spite of all those destroyed nuerons).

 

Nothing but contempt for you!! Nothing but CONTEMPT!!! :lol::lol::lol:

[beaners]

Princess, however...I picked her up whenever she cried, and was getting probably less than an hour sleep at a time. Discovered, completely by fluke, that she wasn't crying b/c of a need...She cried in her sleep the exact same way Wolf talks in his sleep. If I didn't pick her up, but waited (5 mins?), she went from up every hour to sleeping through the night!

 

 

I can't count the number of times I have woken a sleeping, crying child. I kick myself every single time.

[Tarreymere]

I think that a mom who had good intentions would have to make this call based on her knowledge of her own child and her family situation, and that any decision this mom made that came from love would be the right one for her situation and her child.

 

I've had several kids and they were all different. Sometimes I was concerned there was more going on than just crying for attention, sometimes I was getting the feeling that the crying really was something I should let go on without responding to. Go with your gut, you are the mom.

[ma23peas]

I agree with go with your gut most the time. I can honestly say that everytime my kids cried over 5 minutes there was a reason. With our kids sometimes jst being tired would make them cranky but they would fall asleep really quickly. We kept a glider rocker in their room and if they cried beyond five minutes either my husband or I would rock them to sleep...never took more than 10-20 minutes. I would not lay them in their crib until the brick arm test, you pick it up and it falls like a brick:)

 

Now that said, we were calculating on their nap time, if a baby had a nap after 4:00 there was no way that baby would fall asleep at bedtime. If they took a late nap then we knew one of us would have to stay up with it. I was a nanny for three years to over 100 families, I had a lot of experience to draw from...I ave friends who have called for help on things that I thought would be common sense, but they had never been around babies and with my experience- my gut was much more keen than theirs...there are different cries, but one friend said they all sounded the same to her..I am sure as she gained experience she figured the different cries out...

 

They are only babies once, work on their nap schedule to improve odds for better leep times would be my best advice,

[ktgrok]

I can't count the number of times I have woken a sleeping, crying child. I kick myself every single time.

 

If my husband seems upset in his sleep I wake him, because I know he is having a nightmare. I'd wake a baby crying in her sleep too. I have awful, awful, awful nightmares (they run in my family, on the female side) and I would want to be woken up.

[chepyl]

One of mine had restless leg syndrome. Not trying to get to the bottom of her problem would have been cruel and lazy as parent. An over-the-counter product solved her problem. She also had severe sleep issues (including night terrors) due to being adopted and sent from one home into another. At least our agency was ethical enough to tell us up front to expect serious sleep issues for as long as 10 years. They suggested anyone unwilling to deal with that might not be a good candidate for international adoption.

 

A pox on anyone suggesting CIO categorically rather than beginning with trying to figure out if there's an underlying cause.

 

Another of mine had infant migraines as a newborn (due to breech positioning and a rough extraction during a crash c-section.) 6 hours of screaming and vomiting every night (like clockwork.) After several weeks of chiro treatment everything was fine. At 9 years old she started having 6 hour migraines with vomiting again. It takes chiropractics and serious meds to treat it.

 

Did I mention how much contempt I have for parents who jump right to CIO advice assuming there couldn't possibly be legitimate reasons for interrupted sleep patterns? Oh yes, I did.

 

Wow. I am not a huge advocate of CIO, but I have left my kids to cry at times. As I said before, with DS, it worked and he stopped crying and went right to sleep after a couple of days. DD, however, cried for 45 minutes for two nights, with me in the room, just not her in hed woth me and not me holding her. She was not ready, she came back to our bed. A couple of months later, she started sleeping on her own.

 

I have not seen anyone advocating leaving a child in a room with the door shut, screaming for hours everynight for days or weeks. Most have noted that it took a couple of days. If sleep issues don't resolve in a few days, you try something else. "A pox" on those who let their child cry or fuss a bit seems a little strong. I am sure we all do things as parents that would make others cringe. That does not mean we throw curses around or call each other names.

[ktgrok]

I think the discrepancy here is that some feel it is ok to let a baby cry if they don't need anything, and are crying just for attention. Others feel that attention IS a need of a baby.

[mommaduck]

I think the discrepancy here is that some feel it is ok to let a baby cry if they don't need anything, and are crying just for attention. Others feel that attention IS a need of a baby.

:iagree: and that some "needs" aren't easily figured out, but needs the baby is still feeling.

[ktgrok]

:iagree: and that some "needs" aren't easily figured out, but needs the baby is still feeling.

 

Good point. I know my daughter was waking up SO Much for a while, and I felt so ready to give in and CIO. Then two teeth came in at once and I realized she had been waking up because her mouth hurt! I'm so glad I didn't just ignore her.

 

My son was a lousy lousy lousy sleeper, but now, at 12, I realize how very short that phase of life was. A few years of waking and rocking and nursing are nothing in the span of a life.

[scrappyhappymama]

I think the discrepancy here is that some feel it is ok to let a baby cry if they don't need anything, and are crying just for attention. Others feel that attention IS a need of a baby.

 

:iagree:

 

I've been coming back to this thread, reading bits and pieces of it, so forgive me for not knowing all of it. However, I have a 14 month old (she's been in our home for 4 months) who has been waking up several times during the night. She is a foster child, so she is not allowed to sleep with us (though we probably would not have done that anyhow), she's not hungry (I've been giving her a bottle but she doesn't drink much), we can't figure out what her problem is. Yes, she's cried for an hour or more. We do the ol' getting up, change her diaper, pat her back, rinse, repeat! She's fine, cheerful, happy during the day. We think part of it is teething, though giving her Tylenol doesn't always work, and she doesn't necessarily show signs of teething discomfort during the day. We've done CIO with our older son and it worked like a charm. 2-3 days of crying for 10-15 minutes and he was sleeping through the night. So, we're pretty baffled with this one.

 

Even if I were inclined to allow a baby to CIO, I would never do it with a foster child. I am close with so many foster and adoptive parents and have heard about so many attachment issues with their little ones that it seems to me that they often have an actual NEED for attention even more so than babies who start out in loving homes from the start. I just can't see how that hour wouldn't be better spent cuddling in a rocker rather than letting her cry alone in her bed. It's not like you are able to sleep while she's crying anyway, right? The fact that it's not "working" like it did with your son would seem to me to be a red flag that this is not the best approach for this baby.

[Joker]

We did a form of CIO with our oldest dd who was totally healthy. We let her cry for 5-10 minutes and would go and soothe and try again. The first night she cried for just over half an hour total. The second night she cried for about 15 minutes total and by the third night she soothed herself to sleep. She's my best sleeper.

 

We did no form of CIO with younger dd because she was born with an airway abnormality and we responded to every sound she made for a very long time.

 

We did what was best for each of our dds and that is what's important.

[SKL]

I think the discrepancy here is that some feel it is ok to let a baby cry if they don't need anything, and are crying just for attention. Others feel that attention IS a need of a baby.

 

Sure, but sleep is also a need of a baby.

 

Even a baby can have "wants" that don't coincide exactly with "needs."

 

Somewhat off-topic, but it used to be believed that you should always let a wee hungry baby cry for several minutes before feeding him/her. It was supposed to be good for their lungs. Although I don't think this is the popular belief any more, many kids were subjected to this and turned out quite healthy and happy.

 

Babies cry. It's the way they were designed. Crying does not hurt babies.