what do you tell your kids to help them let go of some of their toys?

[ProudGrandma]

I am wanting to have the kids go through their toys (we have WAY too many) but they are having a hard time letting go...any suggetions...the kids are 7, 9 and 11. Any suggestions.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

I just always tried explaining how some children didn't have any or really needed some. Not saying it was easy on them but it helped them to actually let go. We're Christians so I would also try and tell the that it's what Jesus wants us to do.

[shanvan]

I am wanting to have the kids go through their toys (we have WAY too many) but they are having a hard time letting go...any suggetions...the kids are 7, 9 and 11. Any suggestions.

 

I put a heavy emphasis on the idea that there are kids who don't have as much and families that can't afford to buy toys new. It helps that they have seen some very needy families on television and read about some in books. Then we go through the toys and discuss how often each is being used and whether it will bless someone else more. I also put a heavy emphasis on how much of a burden it is to organize and clean up their rooms with so many toys and how much easier it will be once they have been pared down. If it is close to Christmas or a birthday, I will also emphasize that they will be receiving gifts and will need room for them--unless, of course, they opt for no gifts. Then we take all the donations to our local thrift shop.

[Heather in Neverland]

I just cleaned them out when they weren't at home. They had so many they barely noticed. Now we are down to just a few items that they actually play with.

[ProudGrandma]

I just cleaned them out when they weren't at home. They had so many they barely noticed. Now we are down to just a few items that they actually play with.

 

how old are your kids?? I think mine would notice. And, what would you say to them if they did notice something was missing?

[regentrude]

I would never get rid of something while they are not there - to me, that would send the message that I do not respect them and their belongings.

 

What helped for us was to put away toys they had outgrown but still wanted to keep; we boxed them up and stored them in the basement or on a top shelf in the closet. After a few months, they were often more willing to give them away because they realized they had not seen or used them.

We also use major organizing as an opportunity to get rid of stuff; if they are rearranging their room, organizing the bookshelves, reveling in new found order, they are willing to make room by giving away things.

My son is holding on to some things he has clearly outgrown, but somehow he can not bring himself to part with them. I know that, eventually, he will be ready to give them away. Until such time, he is welcome to keep them. I periodically go through his stuff with him and ask.

[athena1277]

At this time of year, I tell them we have to clean out and make room for new things or Santa won't be able to bring new toys. I do tell them that we are giving their old toys to kids who don't have as many toys. Before we moved so far away, we used to give them to my FIL who would send them with clothes and other things to Guyana where he does mission work. I think the connection helped dd feel like she was really doing good for someone else. Now we give to one of the Veteran's groups and talk about kids who don't have much in our area.

[AlmiraGulch]

I do two things.

 

First, I simply tell there there is too much clutter and they have to get rid of some of their things. I give a finite number, as in "you need to decide on 5 toys you can part with" and they decide what.

 

Second, I made a rule specific to stuffed animals (because we have so much I think I'm drowning in plush) after our last big clean out. The rule is that if she (younger DD) wants to get a new stuffed animal, she has to get rid of two of the ones she already has in exchange. That has worked pretty well, too. That way I still come out ahead (down one plush toy) and she gets something new she obviously really wants because she's giving up two for one.

[pfamilygal]

We donate old toys to the resale shop for the crisis pregnancy center. So the kids know their unused toys go to provide sonograms, baby clothes, formula, etc for babies. They are very willing to give to help babies.

[klmama]

Holding garage sales helps them learn to part with things more easily, as they realize they'll get cash for those items they don't really care about anymore. My dc empty their rooms of a lot more than I ever expect them to when they might earn some money. We still donate all the unsold items, and they don't seem to mind.

 

Before we did garage sales, I used a different method to help them make choices about what to donate right before their birthdays and Christmas. They knew their rooms needed space for the gifts they would receive, but they had trouble choosing what could go. I would make a pile of all the toys I thought could go and let them choose what they were ready to part with. Having a limited number of items to choose from helped them; before, all they could think about were the items they didn't want to donate! They would start by removing from the pile any that absolutely could not go (because sometimes I didn't realize they still loved a toy, even though they didn't play with it often). All that were left were rarely-played-with toys they liked, but didn't absolutely love, and so they could be more objective about choosing what they were ready to donate or sell. Sometimes, it was only one or two, but I would point out several more that I thought they would probably want to pass on the next time we sorted, and usually they did donate those the next time. Each time we sorted this way, they got better at it, and when we started having garage sales they became pros.

 

I do place limits on donating or selling certain items that I think should be saved for younger siblings to enjoy or that I want to save for the grandchildren because they are so special.

 

Another option for clearing out toys is to take some to the grandparents' house. Then, they still get to see them again occasionally, Grandma has some toys they like to play with at her house, and the cousins can enjoy them, too.

[rafiki]

.

[redsquirrel]

I also wait until they are asleep and go through things. I put them in the basement in boxes and leave them there for a while. That 'while' is until I remember they are down there. Usually it is at least a year. At that point it goes to the Church sale.

 

If they ask for something or are looking for it, I get it right away. I tell them that I do it and they don't seem to mind. They know I will bring it right up if they want it back. I think maybe once I have had to get something back up from the basement.

[mom2scouts]

I have a hard time with this because my children never want to let go of their toys. Telling them that some children don't have any/many doesn't really work well for us because we used to live in a very low income neighborhood. The kids in the neighborhood there would get plenty of new toys and bikes from charities and within months we would see them broken and strewn around the yard or in the trash while some of the exact same toys have lasted YEARS in our family. When my children realized that the kids didn't have many toys because they didn't take care of them, it really dampened the effect of saying that some children don't have many toys.:glare:

 

I pack up many toys and if the kids don't play with them or ask about them for a long time, I ask them if we could sell or donate them. Often, I let them know that they won't get much for Christmas or birthdays because we just don't have the room and that encourages them to clean out the stuff they really don't care about.

[redsquirrel]

How would you feel if your kids or husband took it upon themselves to clean out your closet or your desk and make decisions for you as to what you could keep and what was donated?

 

Honestly, I would be fine with it, if I had the option of getting back anything I missed. My husband knows me and I trust him.

 

And FTR, my husband has asked me to just go through his stuff and weed as I saw fit. Again, I kept the stuff for a few months and told him where it was if he was missing anything.

 

My kids know I do it and I have made it clear if they are missing anything they want I will bring it back up.

[mom2hunangirls]

I guess I'm mean... I tell them to do it or I'll do it for them. I don't think it's ever come down to a toy they really like. No way am I going to be sensitive to making them let go of something they don't play with and have no attachment to. I kindof wish someone would come do that with my stuff...before Hoarders gets here. :0

[shanvan]

I guess I'm mean... I tell them to do it or I'll do it for them. I don't think it's ever come down to a toy they really like. No way am I going to be sensitive to making them let go of something they don't play with and have no attachment to. I kindof wish someone would come do that with my stuff...before Hoarders gets here. :0

 

Oh, I don't know about mean...I've done this too.

[shanvan]

I have a hard time with this because my children never want to let go of their toys. Telling them that some children don't have any/many doesn't really work well for us because we used to live in a very low income neighborhood. The kids in the neighborhood there would get plenty of new toys and bikes from charities and within months we would see them broken and strewn around the yard or in the trash while some of the exact same toys have lasted YEARS in our family. When my children realized that the kids didn't have many toys because they didn't take care of them, it really dampened the effect of saying that some children don't have many toys.:glare:

 

While I know what you are saying, this is not true everywhere. Also, there have been years when we couldn't afford to buy new. We wouldn't be considered low-income, but we have had years when the heater broke down, we needed a newer vehicle, we had hospital bills, etc. My Dc have been on the receiving end of some great deals on items they (or I) found in thrift shops, so they definitely see how the items can bless someone else. And, especially in homeschooling circles where a lot of funds go towards curriculum it is nice to know that your toys may help another family continue to afford homeschooling, or even just know that the item you donated brightened their day--even if they aren't a low-income needy family.

[ErinE]

For both children, I cull at least twice a year.

 

For my ds9, he's told a week and day in advance. We talk about decluttering and I make it clear no more toys until the old/broken ones are gone. All gifts will be held back until he cleans stuff out. Lots of "Do you really need five McDonald's toys? You haven't played with this in a year. This is broken." Repeat ad nausem.

 

For my dd5, dh takes her out for a few hours. I cull. She comes home to a clean room. I'm hoping to ease her into my son's method, but she's still a little young to understand. She wants to keep everything.

[mytwomonkeys]

since my kids were born, we have always had a donation box. it is ongoing here & we all know if something doesn't fit or we no longer use it, or have duplicates, etc. it simply goes to the donation box. i give stuff away all of the time and they seem to follow along. i simply explain that people need it. it is a blessing. they seem to understand that and enjoy passing it along.

 

ETA - plus, people give stuff to us and bless us a lot too. i honestly think that helps, as they see the full circle of it all.

Edited November 26, 2011 by mytwomonkeys

[Heather in Neverland]

how old are your kids?? I think mine would notice. And, what would you say to them if they did notice something was missing?

 

Well, currently they are 13, 7, and 2 but this was a while ago. And honestly, my kids just don't get that attached to toys so they didn't mind. When they noticed something gone and asked, I simply said "I gave it to the orphanage"... Which is exactly what I did. They were happy with that.

[Mommyof4ks]

how old are your kids?? I think mine would notice. And, what would you say to them if they did notice something was missing?

 

You would tell them that mom got rid of stuff you did not need, and 20 years later they would still hang on to everything. Ask me how I know lol!

 

Seriously, we just tell our kids that we need to donate some toys to other kids so they will have a Christmas too. They know that others do not have as much as they do, so it helps them feel better about it.

[oldskool]

I do it when the kids aren't home (and am doing that today). Not things that they play with, but toys that wouldn't be noticed. I actually think it is easier on them to just have the toys disappear and not having to see them go. It is a bit of a loss of their childhood memories and I understand the emotions. Our oldest dd now has no problem letting go of things. She is much happier to live without the clutter. I hope the younger two will eventually get to that stage.

 

Lesley

[Bassoonaroo]

I've not read all the replies. I use different approaches for different situations and different children.

 

I do a little cleaning out on my own but very little. Often when a toy seems to be ignored, it goes into "limbo" (dh's work room with tools and such) for a while and then after a few months there, it goes away to trash or thrift store, depending on condition.

 

Now that the youngest is nearly 11, we do a lot of conversations, "You know, I think little Lily at co-op would really like those Little Pet Shop toys. When you're done with them, let's give them to her." Often my youngest (who has the wonderful quality of not being too attached to toys), will say, "How about now? I'm done." Often it helps to have a recipient picked out (we do this with clothes too). This works better if you emphasize how the child is outgrowing "little kid things" and say things like "You sure had fun with those when you were about 8 and 9! I remember how they used to be your favorite..."

 

Often we have to put our foot down and say, "The toy shelf in the basement is too crowded; everyone pick something to toss."

 

Before birthdays and Christmas, we often ask kids to give away X number of things that "they won't miss." Often this goes well with the line (delivered at another time...) "I think it will be mainly clothes and school supplies this year for your birthday since you have plenty of toys you still like."

 

Sometimes I announce that I am going to the thrift store to drop off things and could they all look for a few things that might bless someone else.

 

It often helps to say that I have ONE toy from my childhood, a special doll. And I point out that my adult friends don't have their childhood toys either.

 

You can also have one "memory box." We do this with photos, toys, school papers, awards, etc. The capacity of the box is the limit and the lid must shut every time something new is added. If the box is full, then the child can choose to get rid of the thing he wanted to add, or he can choose to keep that thing but get rid of something that he chose to save years ago and now doesn't care about. When they have contol of what goes in the box, it's a lot easier for them to part with things.

 

The bottom line is that things (toys, clothes, cars, appliances, etc.) come into our lives as blessings. They are fun to wear, fun to play with, make our lives easier, and are entertaining. They fill a need or a desire. Then, one day they are no longer blessings, but burdens. They no longer offer us convenience, utility, entertainment or even a little happiness. The problem seems to be that we have a hard time recognizing and/or admitting that a former blessing is now a burden. We remember feeling pretty wearing it, having fun playing with it, enjoying how it made waffles really well, but we don't admit that it no longer looks pretty, tastes good, or entertains us... We (kids too...) need to realize that a memory is still there when the thing is gone. And when something is done blessing us it might still have blessings in it for someone else! If so, it's our job to get that item to the person it can now bless (or toss the thing if it's all worn out and useless...).

 

Good luck

Edited November 26, 2011 by Bassoonaroo

[Bassoonaroo]

I've not read all the replies. I use different approaches for different situations and different children.

 

I do a little cleaning out on my own but very little. Often when a toy seems to be ignored, it goes into "limbo" (dh's work room with tools and such) for a while and then after a few months there, it goes away to trash or thrift store, depending on condition.

 

Now that the youngest is nearly 11, we do a lot of conversations, "You know, I think little Lily at co-op would really like those Little Pet Shop toys. When you're done with them, let's give them to her." Often my youngest (who has the wonderful quality of not being too attached to toys), will say, "How about now? I'm done." Often it helps to have a recipient picked out (we do this with clothes too).

 

Often we have to put our foot down and say, "The toy shelf in the basement is too crowded; everyone pick something to toss."

 

Before birthdays and Christmas, we often ask kids to give away X number of things that "they won't miss."

 

Sometimes I announce that I am going to the thrift store to drop off things and could they all look for a few things that might bless someone else.

 

You could designate a big bin for collecting garage sale toys. Have the kids price them as they throw them in the bin. Then in June have a big sale. They can keep the money (or choose how to use it -- charity, buying ice cream during summer vacation, a Wii game). If something doesn't sell, either you can buy it and then you get the right to dispose/donate the toy. Or, pay a friend (that the kids don't recognize) to come and buy all the leftover toys at the end of the sale!!!!

 

It often helps to say that I have ONE toy from my childhood, a special doll. And I point out that my adult friends don't have their childhood toys either.

 

You can also have one "memory box." We do this with photos, toys, school papers, awards, etc. The capacity of the box is the limit and the lid must shut. Once the box is full, the child can choose between passing on the item he just now wanted to add to the box or passing on an old item that he had chosen to save years ago and now thinks is less important than the new item he wants to save.

Edited November 26, 2011 by Bassoonaroo

[Desert Rat]

Similar concept as a garage sale. I ebay toys at Christmas time. The boys get between 10-15% (depends on their bartering skills with me). They know they are going to families on a budget who will truly love and enjoy the toys. They like the idea of giving. They love the idea of money to buy something they'd like.

Works for us.

[kalanamak]

I am wanting to have the kids go through their toys (we have WAY too many) but they are having a hard time letting go...any suggetions...the kids are 7, 9 and 11. Any suggestions.

 

I tell my son something like "you haven't played with X in a while. I know a nice boy who is younger than you who would love it.". A couple of months ago I had a board member over, and she was a little surprised when my son gave her kids his really nice marble run. Well, we'd just had the talk about it, and he met these two nice younger kids, and came zipping in to ask me if it was okay to give it to them.

 

I turn the "getting rid of" into giving. Now then, if it is a box of mindless junk no one wants, and won't be missed, I harvest a bit at a time when he's out of town. :)

[Dustybug]

I just always tried explaining how some children didn't have any or really needed some. Not saying it was easy on them but it helped them to actually let go. We're Christians so I would also try and tell the that it's what Jesus wants us to do.

 

I put a heavy emphasis on the idea that there are kids who don't have as much and families that can't afford to buy toys new. It helps that they have seen some very needy families on television and read about some in books. Then we go through the toys and discuss how often each is being used and whether it will bless someone else more. I also put a heavy emphasis on how much of a burden it is to organize and clean up their rooms with so many toys and how much easier it will be once they have been pared down. If it is close to Christmas or a birthday, I will also emphasize that they will be receiving gifts and will need room for them--unless, of course, they opt for no gifts. Then we take all the donations to our local thrift shop.

 

I do both of these things. I don't do it when they aren't around purposely. I WANT them to realize that it is all just stuff. We like it, sure, but it isn't the stuff we need to cling to. We discuss how it will be going to other children who may not have as much as we do, how we need to realize that we are abundantly blessed and even if we don't have toys all over our room, etc. When I was pregnant with my third, we actually took all of the toys they gave away to the consignment store and they were excited that the store credit earned would go towards clothing, etc. for their new baby sister. They were "helping." :D

[Erica in OR]

Some of the things I do that can help are from de-cluttering books:

 

-As we go through a bin, I hold up the toy and ask for a keep/give away answer; they don't touch it themselves, so they can make less of an emotional decision.

 

-If there's a grouping of toys that they just have too many of (we just went through a whole box of Matchbox cars), I'll do numerical limits—fill one row of the car slots picking from the pile, then pick two to give away.

 

-Continue to remind them that it can be a cool or a cute toy or it might have come from someone that they love very much, but if they don't love to play with it, they can let it go.

 

-Remind them that having fewer things helps them to find and get to the things that they really want to play with.

 

That said, I've struggled with pack rat tendencies myself, so I can understand what they're going through. It's tough!

 

Erica in OR

[PeacefulChaos]

I am wanting to have the kids go through their toys (we have WAY too many) but they are having a hard time letting go...any suggetions...the kids are 7, 9 and 11. Any suggestions.

 

We are giving them to some kids who don't have toys. (and that is what we actually do...we don't just tell them that.)

[ZooRho]

Well I always told mine if they didn't get rid of something there would be nothing new at Christmas.

[Julie Smith]

:iagree: How would you feel if your kids or husband took it upon themselves to clean out your closet or your desk and make decisions for you as to what you could keep and what was donated?

 

I'm fine with some people weeding my stuff.

 

I also warn my kids in advance that it is going to be done, so they can do it first.

 

"I'm going to be wedding out some toys from this toy box, enough so I can close the lid easily without anything sticking out. Please pick out anything important you want and put it in your room". Then on the day of the cleaning that they warned was coming I mint dump the stuff out on the floor. Then say, "I'm going to leave this mess here for the day. Please pick out anything you want that is important throat I can't get rid of. Whatever is left i get to pick out what stays and goes."

 

They also have to take there keep picks upstairs or downstairs. If it's not worthy of them caring it up or down stoats they can't love it very much.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

zach is big on "helping" those less fortunate so I tell him that we're going to give the ones that he's enjoyed but outgrown to some other kids who don't have toys......