Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I got my invitations today. :D There are many people I'd like to give/send them too. I want to give/send them as a "thank you" for the support, encouragement, and friendship the various people offered throughout the last 2.25 years. I do not want, expect, or want to imply I expect a gift (please ignore the lack of parallel structure). I'm thinking of including a printed insert that says something to the effect of: I know it is traditional to offer gifts to graduates. You are in receipt of this invitation not because I wish for a gift, but because your role in my life during these years has been a gift. I do not want your presents; I value your presence. I really just want to say "thanks" for that person already, and I don't want anyone to feel obligated. But if you think it's tacky, let me know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I understand what you are trying to do, but there really is no "non-tacky" way to say "you don't need to give me a gift," because saying that is, in effect, saying that they would have been obligated to give you a gift if you hadn't released them from that obligation. IMHO, you should just send the announcements and let people either send a gift or not as they choose. When I receive a graduation announcement, I do not feel obligated to send that person a gift (although if I am invited to a reception I would normally bring one). However, if I am close to the graduate and want to buy him/her a gift, I'll do it, even if the announcement has a little card in it that says "no gifts needed" or something like that. ETA: I do think it would be fine to include a note that says something like "Your role in my life during these years has been a gift, and I could not have reached this milestone without your support and encouragement. Thank you!" This might make the point that the purpose of the invitation is to invite them to share in your celebration as they have shared in the effort...without mentioning gifts. Edited October 28, 2011 by TXBeth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 I understand what you are trying to do, but there really is no "non-tacky" way to say "you don't need to give me a gift," because saying that is, in effect, saying that they would have been obligated to give you a gift if you hadn't released them from that obligation. IMHO, you should just send the announcements and let people either send a gift or not as they choose. When I receive a graduation announcement, I do not feel obligated to send that person a gift (although if I am invited to a reception I would normally bring one). However, if I am close to the graduate and want to buy him/her a gift, I'll do it, even if the announcement has a little card in it that says "no gifts needed" or something like that. Ok. I get that. So, would it be tacky to include an insert with wording about "thanks" and leave out the gift verbiage? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I got my invitations today. :D There are many people I'd like to give/send them too. I want to give/send them as a "thank you" for the support, encouragement, and friendship the various people offered throughout the last 2.25 years. I do not want, expect, or want to imply I expect a gift (please ignore the lack of parallel structure). I'm thinking of including a printed insert that says something to the effect of: I know it is traditional to offer gifts to graduates. You are in receipt of this invitation not because I wish for a gift, but because your role in my life during these years has been a gift. I do not want your presents; I value your presence. I really just want to say "thanks" for that person already, and I don't want anyone to feel obligated. But if you think it's tacky, let me know. Joanne, I know you and I don't agree on...well pretty much anything, :D but I would just send the invitations the way they are. At this particular point in your life, you need a little cheer and deserve some presents!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I know it is traditional to offer gifts to graduates. You are in receipt of this invitation not because I wish for a gift, but because your role in my life during these years has been a gift. Thank you. I think some would say addressing the topic of gifts in the invitation is tacky, yes. With that said, though, I love how you worded the above. I took off the last phrase because I think what I left (above) says it perfectly (I added the thank you to close it off). Some people might WANT to give you a gift and this leaves that door open while also letting people know your heart in the matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Ok. I get that. So, would it be tacky to include an insert with wording about "thanks" and leave out the gift verbiage? LOL, yes I think so. See my edit (probably posted while you were typing this) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Honestly, nobody is going to feel obligated. I'd just go with a graduation announcement, and thanking them for their role in your journey. Keep it simple. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Honestly, nobody is going to feel obligated. I'd just go with a graduation announcement, and thanking them for their role in your journey. Keep it simple. :001_smile: Really? Because I always feel like if I get a graduation invite, it is because the sender feels I am close enough/involved enough that a gift is an expected part of the ritual. But that could be my own baggage. ;):tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Really? Because I always feel like if I get a graduation invite, it is because the sender feels I am close enough/involved enough that a gift is an expected part of the ritual. But that could be my own baggage. ;):tongue_smilie: Really, truly, an announcement is not an invitation for gifts. :001_smile: If you invite them to a graduation party, well that's another story. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Really, truly, an announcement is not an invitation for gifts. :001_smile: If you invite them to a graduation party, well that's another story. ;) Whether it IS or not and whether or not people perceive it to be so are two different things. I'm with Joanne; even though I "know" it's not an invitation for gifts, I still at least wonder if that's at least part of the unspoken expectation (same with wedding invites). Maybe even not so much on the part of the graduate (or bride/groom), but the general expectation of society in general, as in, "Is it (or will it be perceived as) bad manners if I *don't* send a gift?"--even if that totally isn't the expectation of the sender. Like with Joanne. If I were a friend and received an announcement, I might not assume she was asking for or expecting gifts, but I would probably feel like I *should* send something, because it's the "proper" thing to do. Does that make sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I understand what you are trying to do, but there really is no "non-tacky" way to say "you don't need to give me a gift," because saying that is, in effect, saying that they would have been obligated to give you a gift if you hadn't released them from that obligation. IMHO, you should just send the announcements and let people either send a gift or not as they choose. When I receive a graduation announcement, I do not feel obligated to send that person a gift (although if I am invited to a reception I would normally bring one). However, if I am close to the graduate and want to buy him/her a gift, I'll do it, even if the announcement has a little card in it that says "no gifts needed" or something like that. ETA: I do think it would be fine to include a note that says something like "Your role in my life during these years has been a gift, and I could not have reached this milestone without your support and encouragement. Thank you!" This might make the point that the purpose of the invitation is to invite them to share in your celebration as they have shared in the effort...without mentioning gifts. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Whether it IS or not and whether or not people perceive it to be so are two different things. I'm with Joanne; even though I "know" it's not an invitation for gifts, I still at least wonder if that's at least part of the unspoken expectation (same with wedding invites). I agree. I understand the good manners aspect of not even talking about gifts, but I also know the reality is that gift-giving is common practice. So, we've struggled with similar questions over the years. When we did a graduation party for my daughter, I included a note in the inviation that said something like: Please know that your presence at this celebration is the best present XXX could want. No other gift is necessary. I know Miss Manners wouldn't approve, but I figured I could live with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 If you are my friend, and you send me an announcement about your graduate school graduation, you are getting a gift. I don't care what kind of note you put in there. :001_smile: Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Really? Because I always feel like if I get a graduation invite, it is because the sender feels I am close enough/involved enough that a gift is an expected part of the ritual. I think the standard is different for graduate school. High school? Yes, gift (in our part of the country). Graduate school? I don't think the same obligation is there, and if someone gives a gift, it's because they want to celebrate the achievement with you. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, honey, don't say anything like that. Just make the announcement and let people do whatever it is they feel like doing. :grouphug: ETA: Is this an *announcement* or an *invitation*? They aren't the same thing. In either case, don't say anything about gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, honey, don't say anything like that. Just make the announcement and let people do whatever it is they feel like doing. :grouphug: ETA: Is this an *announcement* or an *invitation*? They aren't the same thing. In either case, don't say anything about gifts. Invitation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I would leave out any mention of gifts, and just include a personal note of thanks with the announcement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 No, honey, don't say anything like that. Just make the announcement and let people do whatever it is they feel like doing. :grouphug: ETA: Is this an *announcement* or an *invitation*? They aren't the same thing. In either case, don't say anything about gifts. :iagree: Just something along the lines of "I'm sending this so you would know I'm graduating, and I was thinking of how you have helped me on this journey (maybe mention specific instances) and I wanted to thank you for your support." and maybe "Too bad they don't make a card for that." :001_smile: Even mentioning a gift brings it to mind though. I wouldn't do that. I happen to enjoy getting gifts for people. Many people do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 i thought your little blurb was really sweet:). i especially thought the play on words was really thoughtful. i don't think it's necessary to include it, but i certainly don't think it's tacky (i wouldn't judge someone that included that). you are sending this to friends, not strangers, and if you want to include the additional note, i think it would be received in the same manner it was written, with love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think the standard is different for graduate school. High school? Yes, gift (in our part of the country). Graduate school? I don't think the same obligation is there, and if someone gives a gift, it's because they want to celebrate the achievement with you. Beth This is true in our area. As a matter of fact, only really close relatives give gifts for college graduations. Most that I know of have never received a gift of any kind for grad school. So, Joanne, I'm not certain that it will even be an issue. There are plenty of people who follow that tradition and would not be assuming anything about gift giving, but just that you were announcing such a momentous occasion. I think I'd send them, not say anything about gifts, but maybe include a personal thank you note for the support, love, and prayers. Let the chips fall where they may. Some people may truly want to get you something and there is no sense stealing their joy! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think the standard is different for graduate school. High school? Yes, gift (in our part of the country). Graduate school? I don't think the same obligation is there, and if someone gives a gift, it's because they want to celebrate the achievement with you. Beth This is my thought, as well. If I received a grad school announcement for graduation, I would not feel the same obligation to give a gift as I would with high school or undergrad school. I would likely send a card of congratulations. I am a terrible gift giver anyway.:tongue_smilie: I was recently invited to the graduation party of a friend who got her undersgrad degree at 40 years old. It was a big celebration. However, I did not buy a gift. I brought a card of congratulations and attended the party. That was my "gift". I noticed that while some people brought gifts, most did not. I like the personal statement about thanking people for their support, which has been a gift. That is subtle enough to reach most people as a statement that "gifts are not required or desired" without actually coming out and saying it. Also...nothing you will say to people who know you and care about you will be passed through the Miss Manners lens but will pass through a lens of genuine love and joining in the joy of the occasion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Tacky or not tacky, who cares?! SEnd out the invitations and let your friends and family join you in this CELEBRATION of all that you have accomplished. YOu need not worry about the whole gift thing AT ALL with everything you are going through, dear lady. Let the choice to gift or not be the recipients. Don't fret over this....CONGRATS to you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I got my invitations today. :D I know it is traditional to offer gifts to graduates. You are in receipt of this invitation not because I wish for a gift, but because your role in my life during these years has been a gift. Thank you. I guess I'm in the minority here, but I liked what you put! I think it was very thoughtful, and your message of wanting to thank them for their support was very sweet. If I received this invitation from you, I'd be touched by it! (And I'd still get you a gift!) (I left off the last sentence in your note, as someone else had.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Honey girl, if you are sending these invitations to people you know and love, then they must know and love you, and they will rejoice in your accomplioshments. It isn't necessary to make any other comments regarding your reasons for sending them the invitation. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 You don't want to ruin the pleasure it gives many to give gifts. Look in the mirror and practice accepting them graciously. :) I would write in the "Thanks" part and not mention the gifts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 You don't want to ruin the pleasure it gives many to give gifts. Look in the mirror and practice accepting them graciously. :) I would write in the "Thanks" part and not mention the gifts. :iagree: Those who will give you gifts, will do it regardless of what notes you include in your invitation. ;) Congratulations! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 leave in the thanks for the support and all but leave out the part about no gifts.......no nice way to put that it would come out awkward,I think... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 TXBeth;I understand what you are trying to do, but there really is no "non-tacky" way to say "you don't need to give me a gift," because saying that is, in effect, saying that they would have been obligated to give you a gift if you hadn't released them from that obligation. IMHO, you should just send the announcements and let people either send a gift or not as they choose. ETA: I do think it would be fine to include a note that says something like "Your role in my life during these years has been a gift, and I could not have reached this milestone without your support and encouragement. Thank you!" This might make the point that the purpose of the invitation is to invite them to share in your celebration as they have shared in the effort...without mentioning gifts This. Miss Manners would approve!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I know it is traditional to offer gifts to graduates. You are in receipt of this invitation not because I wish for a gift, but because your role in my life during these years has been a gift. I love this part. It states that you've already received a gift from them: their support and encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm in the "it's tacky" camp. Send the invites, let the gifts fall where they may :D. Since these are people who have supported you on your journey, these are people who KNOW you, and they will know that your announcements are not a request for gifts. FTR, I don't consider graduation announcements as a gift request, and I don't give grad gifts unless I feel like it. BTW--Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I love this part. It states that you've already received a gift from them: their support and encouragement. :iagree: I'm tear-ing up at your thoughtfulness, and unselfishness. My dd was not so altruistic, but did include a short hand-written note with invitations to those who had been so helpful during her time in nursing school. My folks insisted we mention "no gifts" on their 50th wedding invite. It is absolutely considered inappropriate by everyone I read on the Internet. :ohmy: This is what we came up with (courtesy of the Internet) as a grand compromise: May your good wishes be your only gift. From my perspective, sending the invites to a limited list of close friends is NOT fishing for gifts. IMO, it seems greedy when someone I barely know sends us a wedding/grad invite. I used to feel obligated for a gift, but now I just send a card with a personal message. :001_smile: I just wanting to show my hearty support for your humble intentions! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) Here are a couple of the sets of wording we tossed around when writing dd's invites and announcements. Maybe something there will prompt you as you work on yours, and Congrats!!! I asked several dear friends, including one who works in PR for the local childrens hospital and is something of a protocol maven, and they all said not to even _think_ about writing anything that mentioned gifts. ETA: I'm sorry, this all converted to double spacing, and I can't make it go away. ___________________ (1) Because you are an important part of the loving circle of family and friends that has blessed us on our journey, it is our joy to invite you to celebrate with us at her graduation. 2) Because you are dear to us and have blessed us on our journey, we joyfully invite you to celebrate with us at her graduation. 3) Because you are dear to us and have blessed us on our journey, we are delighted to invite you to celebrate with us at her graduation. This was what we decided to use for the announcement: With thanks to God for His enabling grace, wisdom, and direction, we joyfully announce the High School Graduation of Insert Name Here on the fifteenth of May, two thousand and ten Our City, State We thank God for the privilege of investing in her life and her education and for the joy of having you as one of the loving family and friends who have encouraged us on our journey. Edited October 28, 2011 by Valerie(TX) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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