Picking Up After Themselves

[Susan in TN]

How do you teach your kids to do this? I mean, not when you have one child and and you sit with them by the toy basket. More like when you have 6 very busy kids and none of them (not even your teenagers) seem to grasp the concept of putting things away WHERE THEY BELONG WHEN THEY ARE DONE USING THEM and/or throwing trash IN THE TRASH CANS, and because you are not UBIQUITOUS, you simply can't monitor all their activities, and so you hide at the computer taking polls on a discussion board filled with people who either have naturally tidy children or who have had the fortitude to teach them this skill.

 

Go ahead. Blast away.

[Ellie]

Constant nagging. :glare:

 

Some people use a gobble box: they go through the house periodically and put anything that doesn't belong in the gobble box, and the owners have to buy the stuff back.

[MariannNOVA]

Constant nagging. :glare:

 

Some people use a gobble box: they go through the house periodically and put anything that doesn't belong in the gobble box, and the owners have to buy the stuff back.

 

In red: :iagree: but rather than thinking of it as nagging, you can call it being consistent. Before everyone here understood that I meant business, I would appear with a large black trash bag and they KNEW their stuff was going to end up at the Thrift Store.

 

Btw, it took YEARS (2 or 3) to get to the point where everyone understood that things were to be put away -- we are finally there. It's a process. Consistency!

 

And TO MISS ELLIE: OMH!!!! Could your little grandson be ANY CUTER????? How he's grown!

[elise1mds]

Before everyone here understood that I meant business, I would appear with a large black trash bag and they KNEW their stuff was going to end up at the Thrift Store.

 

I still have to randomly use the trash sack as a threat. If there's any backsliding, I pull one out of the box and start slowly walking through the house. The sheer panic that ensues is hilarious... in MY mind. I'm sure my kids are less amused.

[MariannNOVA]

I still have to randomly use the trash sack as a threat. If there's any backsliding, I pull one out of the box and start slowly walking through the house. The sheer panic that ensues is hilarious... in MY mind. I'm sure my kids are less amused.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree::lol:

[fairfarmhand]

well, my oldest dd's issue was clothing and shoes. I told her that she gets three strikes a month. This means that if I come into her room and find clothes out of place (having previously discussed that clothing can only be hanging in the closet, in the dresser drawers, or in the dirty clothes baskets) then that means she must have too much clothing to care for properly. So after 3 strikes, I will remove all but 3 outfits from her room. I will let her have 5 sets of underwear and socks. These rules are for all the time, even at bedtime. If I EVER come into the room and find clothing out of place, she gets a strike. The goal is to have her put her clothing away as soon as it comes off of her body.

 

I instituted this last week and she has one strike already, but she is really motivated! We'll see how the rest of the month goes!

Edited October 6, 2011 by fairfarmhand

[Ellie]

In red: :iagree: but rather than thinking of it as nagging, you can call it being consistent.

True, but it's more fun to say "nagging." :lol:

 

And TO MISS ELLIE: OMH!!!! Could your little grandson be ANY CUTER????? How he's grown!

TYVM. We like him lots. :D

[Tarreymere]

I agree about the trash bag and the thrift store. It always worked for me. That particular threat doesn't work for a couple of my adult daughters, however, because they are too soft to follow through with it.

 

In fact, once when the four older girls were arguing about who was supposed to do the dishes (they had been trading turns and wheeling and dealing and no one would admit that she had that particular day) I got really mad. ALL of the dishes and glasses were dirty and no one would accept responsiblity. So I pitched every last plate, glass, and piece of cutlery in the trash and announced I would no longer buy groceries or cook for a pack of lazy brats.

 

About a week later they had pitched in and bought new dishes, glasses, and cutlery and swore they would never, ever switch chore days around again. :D

[myfunnybunch]

Some people use a gobble box: they go through the house periodically and put anything that doesn't belong in the gobble box, and the owners have to buy the stuff back.

 

That's what I did with my girls. Our worst offender's favorite dump spot was the dining room table, and it was easier to pick it up myself than find her and make her do it *again*.

 

I didn't usually charge for the stuff. I just put any items *I* had to pick up in the Stuff Box and put it in the garage. If someone was missing an item, I'd not even consider helping look for it unless the owner had already looked in the Stuff Box. It was a hassle to go out and dig through everything to find it. Anything unclaimed after a couple months and an impending Goodwill run warning left the house permanently.

 

My boys are pretty good about picking up, probably because I remind them at about 5 that before they can play video games at 5:30, their things must be off the floor.

 

Cat

[brendag]

Love the trash bag idea! We started very early (like 2) that toys had to be put away every evening. We have to change it up a bit now because if we left it until the end of the day, I wouldn't be able walk through the house by the end of the day! It was so much easier back then as they thought the vacuum cleaner would suck up any toys on the ground...they know better now. :D

 

I'm tired of "nagging" so I'm going to try this program that I found out about a few weeks ago called "Accountable Kids". We'll see how that goes. The trash bag idea is being implemented immediately. :)

 

Brenda

[CalicoKat]

Nagging the owner of that particular thing laying there until they get it put away.

 

Zero in on it. Make sure they put it away where it belongs. Call them back each time you find it in a new spot until it's put away. One of my kids just picks it up and moves it to a new spot a few times before they get it put away. I sniff it out and keep after them until it's done. When they complain, "Hey, don't waste my time and yours, put it away where it belongs!"

 

My kids hate to be interrupted while they're playing to put away their stuff. But it's during their free time that I have time to police their junk.

 

Of course this only works if you've provided a spot for them to put their stuff. :D So, start by organizing first then nagging.

[Susan in TN]

In fact, once when the four older girls were arguing about who was supposed to do the dishes (they had been trading turns and wheeling and dealing and no one would admit that she had that particular day) I got really mad. ALL of the dishes and glasses were dirty and no one would accept responsiblity. So I pitched every last plate, glass, and piece of cutlery in the trash and announced I would no longer buy groceries or cook for a pack of lazy brats.

 

About a week later they had pitched in and bought new dishes, glasses, and cutlery and swore they would never, ever switch chore days around again. :D

 

Oh, how I have dreamed of doing this! You're my hero.

[Susan in TN]

OK - well I had a brainstorm in the car this morning that may work at least to get them thinking about it - my olders particularly. I'm going to write something like "a place for everything..." or "put it back or else" on a sticker and make them wear it on the back of their hands. If I see it off their hand, they have to give me a $1 (or maybe a coin for the little ones). And if I find stuff around it'll go into the Box of Doom and they have to pay me - either in cash or chores, to get their belongings back. On trash day it gets dumped.

 

Maybe I should make it a necklace so they can wash their hands. Hmmm.

 

We'll see if it works.

[Daisy Mommy]

How do you teach your kids to do this? I mean, not when you have one child and and you sit with them by the toy basket. More like when you have 6 very busy kids and none of them (not even your teenagers) seem to grasp the concept of putting things away WHERE THEY BELONG WHEN THEY ARE DONE USING THEM and/or throwing trash IN THE TRASH CANS, and because you are not UBIQUITOUS, you simply can't monitor all their activities, and so you hide at the computer taking polls on a discussion board filled with people who either have naturally tidy children or who have had the fortitude to teach them this skill.

 

Go ahead. Blast away.

 

I say "feel free to pick up whatever you want to keep" :001_smile:

 

after enforcing it a few times it works like a charm!

[Jen500]

Sometimes we turn on some music and spend 15 minutes cleaning up before bed. (All of us!)

 

I just close their bedroom doors and don't worry too much about that clutter.:tongue_smilie:

 

One of our dogs likes to randomly chew on items left out--this has REALLY cut down on kids leaving their things laying around on the floor at least.:lol:

 

I don't make dinner until they have cleaned their stuff off the kitchen table.

[amyable]

Problem here is 80% of the stuff is school books, library books, things like MY measuring tape which just turned 4yo took to measure stuff with, MY pillow that they took off my bed, etc.

 

I'd love to just give stuff away but not when it's mine! LOL And school books need to stay 'cause when I give away all their toys they'll need something to do. :lol:

[dirty ethel rackham]

My friend used "toy jail" which was a clear fish tank. They had to earn back the toys by doing chores not on their usual list. Seeing the toys was an incentive for them to work for it. Anything in there at the end of the week got tossed. Unauthorized "breakouts" caused the offending toy to go permanently. If a sibling tried to get another sibling in trouble by taking one of her things out of "jail" she lost 2 things permanently.

 

We also try to do 10 minute tidies throughout the day. When the kids were little, it was dad coming home as our incentive to straighten up. For fun, I would put on "Flight of the Bumblebees" or one of the movements in "The Four Seasons" to get everyone rushing round. I often had to stand in a room and point out what needed to be taken care of.

[goldberry]

(having previously discussed that clothing can only be hanging in the closet, in the dresser drawers, or in the dirty clothes baskets)

 

I tried this, but DD just started putting EVERYTHING in the dirty clothes basket. At that time, I decided it was time for her to start washing her own clothes. We are on week three of that, and the dirty clothes basket is growing smaller. (Note, we have been working on the clothes issue for about a year...:glare:)

[Sasharowan]

I assign them each a public room at the beginning of the month. Anything needing done in that room, I call that child in to do it. Except for ds5, he has a BAD habit of just dropping things every where so he gets called back to pick up his own mess. But being responsible for everyone's mess seems to make them better at picking up their own mess.

[*Jessica*]

I didn't like nagging them and certainly didn't want to go around picking up their messes to put stuff in "jail" (that's too much work for me and I have one child that doesn't care if you take away his stuff as long as he doesn't have to clean it up!) We started giving them an allowance of $5 per week for doing their chores, which includes cleaning up after themselves. If they forget, which at ages 6 & 8 they often do, I give them one reminder. If they don't take care of it they lose their allowance for the day. Apparently my children are highly motivated by money because we've only had a couple of instances of lost allowance since we started a couple of months ago!

[Sasharowan]

Problem here is 80% of the stuff is school books, library books, things like MY measuring tape which just turned 4yo took to measure stuff with, MY pillow that they took off my bed, etc.

 

I'd love to just give stuff away but not when it's mine! LOL And school books need to stay 'cause when I give away all their toys they'll need something to do. :lol:

If the school books are out, then obviously they need to be doing school!! If they have my pillow out, then I will take ALL of their pillows until mine is returned where it belongs. Don't mess with mom's pillow!!!!

[Nscribe]

I wonder if the gobble box works for DH stuff?

[southernm]

I am in a battle with DS6 daily about cleaning his room. I am currently in Lego purgatory. I swear those dang things reproduce themselves around the house. And stepping on them really hurts! I sweep everything on the floor into a huge pile in the middle of the room. Whatever is left after I set a time limit goes into the trash! He drags his feet, but gets it done.

[jallison25]

I wonder if the gobble box works for DH stuff?

 

lol!!! this is soooo true in this house! one time dh promised to fold the laundry that was in a pack in play in our room. he didn't ...i left it for SIX weeks and he never ever ever even looked at it! i finally exploded and he was like i didn't remember :glare:

[annlaura]

I wonder if the gobble box works for DH stuff?

 

Ha! Me too. I try putting his stuff at his place at the table, but he just moves it to the side.

 

I like the name "gobble box." I may institute this, as well as a warning before Wild Kratts. I'd love to have the house tidied up before DH wakes up/dinner.

 

Another mom I know keeps a jar in each room for stray legos. Any time she finds one, she tosses it in the jar. Even if the boys put away the legos, one or two manage to sneak away, waiting for me to step on them.

[justamouse]

Well, you start when they are young, and the tracks get laid and you don't have to nag.

 

We pick up for 10 minutes every evening. When all of them are helping, it gets done fast. But now that my girls are 9, they've come to the point that they like order and they'll go through the house without me asking. Notice, I didn't say the boys. *g*

 

Once, long, long ago, when Dd16 was about 9, she refused to clean up her room and I gave her some warnings-then I went in with a garbage bag. American girl dolls, everything.

 

After about three weeks I took the dolls out, but the lesson stuck, she warned the youngers and that's been that. They all pick up. The five year old even picks up after herself.

[Pretty in Pink]

I make my kids clean up the living room/dining room/kitchen every single night before they go to bed. I'm serious. I don't pick up after them on a routine basis. I pretty much let it go throughout the day, but at 7:30 they have to start cleaning up. Even my 5yo is good at cleaning up and my 3yo helps as best he can.

[MeganW]

Our rule is that my kids are not required to put away ANYTHING. But anything that is out of place after bedtime goes to Goodwill. The next day. And they have to go with me and they have to hand it to the Goodwill person.

 

I enforce this EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. They understand that picking up and putting away anything they want to keep is part of getting ready for bed. And they don't drag their feet b/c if they did, they would miss the bedtime story.

 

Yes, I'm mean. But I've only had to go to Goodwill a few times.

 

MY stuff is a disaster, but my kids' is under control!

 

------------------------------

 

One other thing - my kids know & understand the organization system. Everything is labeled, so they have no question where stuff goes. Each activity has its own bag - one for dance, one for gymnastics, one for swimming, one for soccer, backpack for preschool/co-op, etc. Every single time we come back in the house, the kids are expected to clean out and repack their bags as much as possible so they are ready to go for the next time. (I add leotards and so on as they get washed, but everything they can do is to be done. There is nothing worse than finding 18 pairs of dirty socks in a dance bag!)

 

Each kid has a locker (hooks & cube in the laundry room). Shoes go in the bottom, and they have a sticker that says "tennis shoes", "church shoes", etc. Activity bags go on each kid's middle hook, and it's labeled with a sticker. Jackets go on each kid's left hand hook, and it's labeled with a sticker. Backpacks go on the right hand hook, and it's labeled with a sticker. Overhead bins for mittens, hats, sunglasses, etc. There is NO QUESTION where anything goes.

 

Same for the playroom. Everything has a home, that is clearly labeled with a picture and the word saying what goes there.

 

Before everything was clearly labeled, the kids were completely overwhelmed when I asked them to clean up. After the labels, it became very easy, and dare I say, habitual to put things in the right place. And they always do it so they don't lose it. That's the key - NO WARNINGS or second chances! You tell them upfront, then you enforce vigorously every single time.

 

If only I had taken the time to organize and LABEL my own stuff at the same time! I have GOT to get to that some day.

[justamouse]

Yes, I will agree with other posters and add that everything has a place and they know where stuff belongs so it gets put away. You have to teach them HOW to put it away, where it goes, what you expect. It will take some time.

[Pamela H in Texas]

We are not generally "put things up when you're done" type people. We are more "transitions" type people. For example, the baby has been in bed for an hour and a half. Her bottle is still sitting on my table. I drop it off in the kitchen sometime before bed. That is my transition.

 

Now, during the day, transition times come MUCH faster in a family of nine, especially with so many littles. Each time, everyone covers what they were doing or what needs to be done. So if Princess was coloring, she'll make sure all that stuff is put away (though she may have already). The boys will make sure the toys are organized. I'll get the trash off my table. The toddler is in charge of shoes and trash.

 

I *wish* we were uber disciplined in terms of putting things up immediately, wiping things down immediately, etc. We aren't. However, it is important to me that the house is (and we are) always presentable. For example, yesterday, our agency worker came by for an unannounced visit. The baby had a handful of toys on the floor. My PJ pants were also at the foot of my bed. No big deal. Everything else was put together well enough (house picked up and recently cleaned). If we didn't do our transitions, I'd hate to know what the house would have looked like! Of course, I guess if we were more disciplined, it would have still been nice.

[Susan in TN]

I like the name "gobble box." I may institute this, as well as a warning before Wild Kratts. QUOTE]

 

Oh, yeah! I've found that Wild Kratts is a major motivator - NO Wild Kratts until the playroom is tidy. That gets them hopping.

[Ewe Mama]

I am in a battle with DS6 daily about cleaning his room. I am currently in Lego purgatory. I swear those dang things reproduce themselves around the house. And stepping on them really hurts! I sweep everything on the floor into a huge pile in the middle of the room. Whatever is left after I set a time limit goes into the trash! He drags his feet, but gets it done.

 

 

I relate to this is a big way. The dc have the downstairs playroom for their toys. The flooring is NatureStone and it can be difficult to see all the small Legos. I told the children to spread out a blanket and play with the Legos only on the blanket. They were also told to make sure every piece was picked up or into the trash they would go.

 

Did they listen? Nope.

 

Did they pick all the pieces up? Nope.

 

Guess who went through the roof every time she stepped on one of those #$%^^&* pieces? Yours truly.

 

Guess who picked up every piece and threw them all away? Me, again.

 

Will there ever be Legos in our house again? Heck, no!

[Jen500]

I relate to this is a big way. The dc have the downstairs playroom for their toys. The flooring is NatureStone and it can be difficult to see all the small Legos. I told the children to spread out a blanket and play with the Legos only on the blanket. They were also told to make sure every piece was picked up or into the trash they would go.

 

Did they listen? Nope.

 

Did they pick all the pieces up? Nope.

 

Guess who went through the roof every time she stepped on one of those #$%^^&* pieces? Yours truly.

 

Guess who picked up every piece and threw them all away? Me, again.

 

Will there ever be Legos in our house again? Heck, no!

 

What??? I consider legos to be one of the best toys ever made for kids. I have no problem throwing away junky toys but I'd never throw away lego.

I just wear slippers. :D

[Ewe Mama]

Legos are great, however my feet are a wee bit more important. I'm also trying to protect the innocence of my children's ears from my screaming and cussing every time I step on one. :lol:

[TheReader]

We have an afternoon pick-up time each day and everyone, from the 6 yr old to the 14 yr old (oops, need to change my siggy) has to help tidy up the house. If it's a group mess, ie, something they were all doing together, then they pick up as a group. If it's an individual mess, I direct each person to a specific chore. (ie, Adventurer, pick up the play dough; Artist, put away the drawing supplies)

 

Before dinner they have to all help clear the table of whatever's accumulated there between afternoon pick-up and dinner time (there's a good 3 or 4 hours between). Before bed, I gather together anything that's found its way back out and unceremoniously dump it in a bucket thing we keep near the stairs. Throughout the day, week, etc. if I find something that is out of place, I dump it in this bucket. At the end of the week, I go dump the bucket in their rooms (usually it's lego pieces which get dumped into the lego bucket, but often there are game pieces, specific lego men that they prefer to keep separate, etc..). The motivator there is not that they'll lose the toy permanently, because honestly I don't see real-world application there, but that it is harder for them to find later.

 

If I'm the one "putting toys away" and I just dump it into the main catch-all toy box at the end of the week, they have to work harder to find and play with that toy again. And in the finding of that toy, they are usually likely to sort out and properly put away the other toys.

 

Also, by making pick-up time a family chore, they are learning that each one of us is responsible for the house, that all together we are a team and it's our job as a family to keep our family home neat & tidy.

 

It's working pretty well so far.....fourteen years in and I've not had a reason to change methods yet.