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I'm lonely...

mlktwins

By mlktwins,
in General Education Discussion Board

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Ewe Mama

Ewe Mama

Posted
Posted

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I know how you feel. Sometimes you just need to know that someone really does understand. I think it's far more common than you would guess.

 

I'm at home with my five dc. I don't drive, so there's no getting out of the house, no field trips,...just being at home and homeschooling. It's all good though. This is the job I have chosen and I'm going to to my best, with God's help.

 

But still, it can be a very lonely life.

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kathy_overman

kathy_overman

Posted
Posted

It is lonely to be w/ kids all day, and I so understand.

 

Many days, I would feel less lonely being alone than with my kids.

 

However, I was also lonely when my kids were in school. I often go to the library, the YMCA, or a park just to be around other adults. Sometimes, even the grocery store is a delight if I get to talk to the check out lady.

 

Here is my beef for the day (on top of another rant I had), parenting is a hard work, learn as you go process, and some days I just want to check out (or in w/ adults as the case may be).

 

Know you are not alone in feeling lonely.

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Alicia64

Alicia64

Posted
Posted

I soooo understand. My twins are eight and -- especially when they were younger -- I would feel so alone.

 

I look back on it now and feel guilty, so in a way, it's comforting to hear that I wasn't the only one who felt that way.

 

I started small projects that were meaningful to me. I know, when are you supposed to get around to "small projects."

 

But that's what helped me somewhat.

 

:grouphug:

 

Alley

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Sahamamama

Sahamamama

Posted
Posted
I'm with 6 year old twins ALL day and I'm lonely. No one IRL understands, but I'm thinking a few of you might. Just needed to "say" it out loud and now I'm going to try and get over it...

 

If anyone reads this, thanks for listening!

 

I'm with a 6.5 year old and 4.5 year old twins all day and I'm lonely, too, sometimes. I agree with you that no one in my "real life" understands... but then there is a way in which this forum IS a part of my real life. :D I am thankful for it, because here we can "meet" other people who understand some of the tediousness and loneliness of homeschooling. We don't always have to put on a brave face and say "homeschooling is GREAT, just GREAT!"

 

For example, just today, I nearly FELL ASLEEP while my 6.5 year old was finishing up her math lesson. :sleep: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....... Wow, that was a close call, I nearly whacked my head on the table. LOL.

 

Beth's Tips for Sanity and Internal Balance:

 

  • Establish an afternoon Quiet/Nap Time, then take a nap. It makes the day go faster. ;)
  • Keep at least three books going: (a) an easy read; (b) a "stiff" read; and © something that interests you/what you're trying to learn. Adults connect to other like-minded adults through books.
  • Go outside and take a walk in a park. Say hello to strangers. :D
  • Go to the library and talk the library staff's ears off (this is what I do).
  • Get the children settled doing something, then call someone you've been meaning to "touch base" with for a while.
  • If you're married, TELL your husband that he needs to line up a date (with you).
  • Go to bed on time. No late night TV or surfing or "homeschool research." Fatigue makes any day drag on and on.
  • It is okay from time to time to simply say, "Go play. I need some time to myself to THINK." I have to tell my girls that, although it looks as though nothing is happening up there, my mind is busy with grown up thoughts, and I want my mental space. Now they QUOTE me on this in public. :lol: "Excuse me, could you settle down, please? I need my mental space." :lol:
  • Enjoy being with your children. Give them a nice shampoo and bath, then enjoy the smell of their soft, soft hair. :001_wub: Snuggle on the sofa together. Enjoy them one-on-one. I have twins, so I know how meaningful it is for me to appreciate H as H and M as M. Hold hands when you walk in the park. Tickle. Laugh. Six is a great age for jokes and riddles.

One other thought: I remember reading once that many of us mothers don't learn early enough to let our children nurture us.... that made me think, and it changed how I relate to each child. I know that six years old can be such a silly age, but don't let that silly-six-ness pass you by without being drawn into it, at least a little bit. Let your children be your company. You can even get to where you say to your children, "I feel lonely today, would you keep me company?" We SAHMs tend to think that being with our children makes us lonely, and our company ought to be someone/somewhere else. But when I feel lonely now, I rally my troops -- they do chores with me, rub my back, pray with me, draw me out of my introversion and over-reflection, and remind me how to play.

 

:grouphug:

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Daisy Mommy

Daisy Mommy

Posted
Posted
I'm with 6 year old twins ALL day and I'm lonely :(. No one IRL understands, but I'm thinking a few of you might. Just needed to "say" it out loud and now I'm going to try and get over it...

 

If anyone reads this, thanks for listening!

 

I know how you feel :grouphug: only I'm home alone with a very independent 7 month old. I had to find extra hobbies...I get out of the house almost 3 days a week now!! :001_smile:

 

I hear you. I behave like the stereotypical unsocialized homeschooler when I finally get a chance to talk to an adult I'm not married to or the mother of. :lol:

 

MEEEE TOOOOO!

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mlktwins

mlktwins

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Ladies, thank you so much for your hugs, kind words, and wisdom. While I don't wish anyone to be lonely, it helps to know I'm not alone.

 

Sahamamama, this was a lovely post. Thanks so much for taking the time to write it!

 

I'm with a 6.5 year old and 4.5 year old twins all day and I'm lonely, too, sometimes. I agree with you that no one in my "real life" understands... but then there is a way in which this forum IS a part of my real life. :D I am thankful for it, because here we can "meet" other people who understand some of the tediousness and loneliness of homeschooling. We don't always have to put on a brave face and say "homeschooling is GREAT, just GREAT!"

 

For example, just today, I nearly FELL ASLEEP while my 6.5 year old was finishing up her math lesson. :sleep: Zzzzzzzzzzzz....... Wow, that was a close call, I nearly whacked my head on the table. LOL.

 

Beth's Tips for Sanity and Internal Balance:

 

  • Establish an afternoon Quiet/Nap Time, then take a nap. It makes the day go faster. ;)
  • Keep at least three books going: (a) an easy read; (b) a "stiff" read; and © something that interests you/what you're trying to learn. Adults connect to other like-minded adults through books.
  • Go outside and take a walk in a park. Say hello to strangers. :D
  • Go to the library and talk the library staff's ears off (this is what I do).
  • Get the children settled doing something, then call someone you've been meaning to "touch base" with for a while.
  • If you're married, TELL your husband that he needs to line up a date (with you).
  • Go to bed on time. No late night TV or surfing or "homeschool research." Fatigue makes any day drag on and on.
  • It is okay from time to time to simply say, "Go play. I need some time to myself to THINK." I have to tell my girls that, although it looks as though nothing is happening up there, my mind is busy with grown up thoughts, and I want my mental space. Now they QUOTE me on this in public. :lol: "Excuse me, could you settle down, please? I need my mental space." :lol:
  • Enjoy being with your children. Give them a nice shampoo and bath, then enjoy the smell of their soft, soft hair. :001_wub: Snuggle on the sofa together. Enjoy them one-on-one. I have twins, so I know how meaningful it is for me to appreciate H as H and M as M. Hold hands when you walk in the park. Tickle. Laugh. Six is a great age for jokes and riddles.

One other thought: I remember reading once that many of us mothers don't learn early enough to let our children nurture us.... that made me think, and it changed how I relate to each child. I know that six years old can be such a silly age, but don't let that silly-six-ness pass you by without being drawn into it, at least a little bit. Let your children be your company. You can even get to where you say to your children, "I feel lonely today, would you keep me company?" We SAHMs tend to think that being with our children makes us lonely, and our company ought to be someone/somewhere else. But when I feel lonely now, I rally my troops -- they do chores with me, rub my back, pray with me, draw me out of my introversion and over-reflection, and remind me how to play.

 

:grouphug:

 

Part of the problem is hubby leaves early in the morning (around 6 am) and gets home after 7:30 in the evening. I would love to go for a walk and re-energize BY MYSELF, but not possible with his hours. I do get a break on the weekends and I don't feel lonly on the weekends with another adult to talk to. Most of my friends (well not so much friends anymore) sent their kids off to K last year and I'm the only one homeschooling. Some have gone back to work. We moved to a new neighborhood a few months ago and I had such high hopes to meet new people and new kids for the boys to play with. Not happening despite my best efforts. There are supposedly a bunch of homeschoolers in my new neighborhood, but I haven't met any yet. I just hear about them from moms I talk to at the pool. We did sign up for a homeschooling PE class at a local fitness center that starts next week. Hope to hook up with people then, but I've tried to talk to other homeschoolers before (groups of moms that already knew each other) and I was kind of shut out. We do get out for fun -- we go get frozen yogurt, go bowling, we're heading on a field trip next week. That helps.

 

I just need to carve some time out for me and send the boys for quiet time each day. I think that will help. One of my boys is (out of the blue) going through a phase where he has to know where I am AT ALL TIMES. He will follow me from room to room all day long. I don't know why because he used to be my confident child that was fine playing alone, etc. It's making me a little nuts right now. I love my boys dearly so I'm trying to figure out how to make this work. DH is very supportive of ME homeschooling, but if I complain too much, he says he would gladly let me go back to work and he'll stay home (with the boys in public school) so I don't say too much to him about this. I guess that makes me feel a little more lonely.

 

Anyway, I really appreciate your time and thoughts. It has helped me a lot!

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Lara in Colo

Lara in Colo

Posted
Posted

You know, the most lonely I have ever been, was when I was working 15 hour days with DH. We talked about business and we discussed stuff, but we stopped connecting and communicating as people.

It is more than just hearing words and talking, it's about being heard and communicating on a higher level, and having someone else help to affirm your worth to them.

 

Lara

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*~Tina~*

*~Tina~*

Posted
Posted

I just told my dh last week that I was lonely...he looked at me with a very puzzled look :001_huh:

 

I have been purposely getting out by myself since then. In fact, my mom is in the hospital and I spent every night with her last week from bedtime until I needed to get home in the morning to nurse the baby and for dh to go to work...I think he got a taste of my lonely ;)

 

On some of my outings I pop in a cd of select songs (depending on my mood) turn it up and just drive and sing...I love music, but never get to listen loud with the kids...:D

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