NicAnn Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Dh and I were having a discussion last night about why other couples break up and just about love in general. He says that love is cyclical and that it's possible to fall in and out of love. He thinks this is the reason many other couples break up...because the love fades and they think that means the end. I say while love may fade or grow stronger over time and at certain points in your relationship, it doesn't go away and come back (at least not many times). I say it might change into something different, like a deep respect...but that is different than the love disappearing. Your thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree:completely. And this definition of love plus maturity equals the ability to continue to choose love after the hormones wear off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: to what Alte said, there are five stages : romance, disillusionment, misery, awakening, and true love. True love is when you've grown to the point that you are at 'love is a choice'. Edited September 9, 2011 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
extendedforecast Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Sometimes love (or no love) isn't the reason couples break up. As to whether it's cyclical, I'm not sure what I believe. I think love can be a choice (choosing not to love is another thing), but I also think that it can take on many forms, some of which are difficult to see as love. There does seem to be a cyclical aspect to it, but the same can be said about the ups ans downs of life in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 To be in love and to love are different things. One is a feeling the other is an action. I think that is saying the same thing as everybody else just a little bit differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Hmm, interesting question. I believe love is emotional in the beginning. You put forth a lot of effort into that relationship to keep it going. As that new cycle moves into the next phase you encounter more boredom and what each person does makes the difference in whether it continues or not. They either both keep making it fun or one/both don't and it fades away. Long term relationships take effort. People have bad days/weeks/months. You choose to wait it out or hope they wait it out if it's you. But if both make no effort toward the other it will end. Having had issues in my marriage I can say now that falling in love is emotional. Staying in love is an act. You must physically make an effort in the relationship to keep the emotional part going. Being nice to start :tongue_smilie: I do think relationships go through cycles....many in fact. You have both are into it, only one is into it, both aren't into it. It's up to both to make choices to try to make it better. Dh and I have put a lot of work into US these past few years and it still cycles. I think that is just who we are as humans. I am more in love with Dh now than I was many years ago and he says the same about me. We chose to make our marriage better and both put forth the effort and tell the other when they are slacking :lol: But that effort is working and we are much happier now than when love was only an emotion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang!Zoom! Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 When I read the original question, the first thing that went through my mind was: "I'm sure glad this isn't how Jesus works." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thessa516 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: Love is a decision. OP, I think you're talking about what I'd refer to as infatuation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I don't think that people fall in and out of love. I think that there are times that it's stronger than others, more evident, etc. I believe that once you fall out of love, you are out. Being in love is not a choice, it's there or it isn't. You can choose to work around it but once it's gone it's really hard to get back. JMO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I agree that love is a choice and emotions are cyclical. I do also believe a LOT of marriages don't end because someone chooses not love the other - though certainly that is definitely a factor - but because some people can love someone else and still, due to specific circumstances not be able to live with them anymore. For the couples that I've known that didn't break up over infidelity or abuse, lack of love was not the problem. But, it also wasn't enough to overcome the issues either. Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 Thanks for the replies! Yes, I see what Dh and I were both trying to say, but poorly. :) I was confusing love and emotions. I'll have a better argument for Dh tonight! I'm interested to hear others thoughts on this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I agree with many posters here. Love is a choice when you come down to it. It may start as a feeling, but to keep it going, it takes work for the long haul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Love is cyclical. Staying and waiting for it to come around again is a choice. I sweat the hard times less than my hubby does because I understand the cyclical nature of emotions (probably because I am bi-polar :tongue_smilie:). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 He thinks this is the reason many other couples break up...because the love fades and they think that means the end. I say while love may fade or grow stronger over time and at certain points in your relationship, it doesn't go away and come back (at least not many times). I say it might change into something different, like a deep respect...but that is different than the love disappearing. Your thoughts? I think people change and grow, and circumstances change. The key is to be able to deal with the changes with your significant other. I think often couples break up because they stop communicating rather than because they stop caring for one another. I love my dh dearly, and he loves me, but I would be lying if I said this has been an easy year for us. We've faced a LOT of changes....dd moving out on her own, ds being deployed to Afghanistan, me having surgery, dh becoming VP of his company, another ds at college, leaving only 3 boys left living at home and all in high school, health issues with parents....you get the picture. Our communication was faltering as our circumstances changed. We both realized that we can't read each other's minds. We also have learned that we can't assume what each other means, it's better to ask. Keeping the lines of communication open seems crucial to me. JMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: I do keep in mind a quote I heard somewhere supposedly from an elderly person who said, "The key to a successful marriage is to never fall out of love with each other at the same time." I thought that was lovely and it made me take a nice, relaxing breath at a time when I thought a marriage was supposed to be all smiles and romance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Emotions are cyclical. That's how I see it. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandra in FL Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 :iagree: I do keep in mind a quote I heard somewhere supposedly from an elderly person who said, "The key to a successful marriage is to never fall out of love with each other at the same time." I thought that was lovely and it made me take a nice, relaxing breath at a time when I thought a marriage was supposed to be all smiles and romance. I think that those words "at the same time" are important. We all go through ups and downs personally and in the marriage. When one partner is down, if the other is "up" (patient, understanding, etc), the marriage will probably get through the tough spot. When both are "down" at the same time, then comes the part where one partner (usually the woman) sees that love is a decision/choice and pulls out of the "funk." I find that men are more likely to value feelings/being in love and women are more likely to think of the practical side such as effect on the children. As long as papers are not filed in court, the marriage may recover. I've seen it go both ways but once it hits the court, there is no time for forgiveness and compromise and it gets ugly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe love is a choice, an act of my will. Well, everyone quoted Daisy, but I have to too. Thank for that very clarifying statement, Daisy. I'm mulling it over and I think I agree. Everyone says that when you get to a certain age, the weddings stop and the divorces start. I think I'm finally at that age as I now know a couple of people going through divorces. In one case, my friend (the woman) told me all about why she left him and I was just shocked. She's happy with her decision but it did just strike me that she was looking for an emotional rush of love that just wasn't there anymore and that was pretty much it. I didn't know how to respond because I couldn't imagine leaving dh over something so temporary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Dh and I were having a discussion last night about why other couples break up and just about love in general. He says that love is cyclical and that it's possible to fall in and out of love. He thinks this is the reason many other couples break up...because the love fades and they think that means the end. I say while love may fade or grow stronger over time and at certain points in your relationship, it doesn't go away and come back (at least not many times). I say it might change into something different, like a deep respect...but that is different than the love disappearing. Your thoughts? I believe love is a verb. Marriage is a committment and in general marriages break down when one or both parties decide to be selfish in one way or another. Feelings come and go. We love a person MORE when we have a meaningful relationship with them. So if a couple neglects their marriage and go outside of it for their needs then sure the love will disappear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I believe many people confuse "being in love" with "love." They are not the same. Being in love is that romance and emotionality and sexual attraction. Love is a committment and a consistent application of respect, kindness, generosity and the willingness to forgive. Love is not restricted to the love between spouses, but it can include that. Being in love however, is specifically an emotional & sexual attachment. You can be in love with someone and love them at the same time, but you can love someone -- even a spouse -- without being in love. I have seen many couples who "drift apart" and split up because the "in love" part has worn off and they didn't have the foundation of love to keep the relationship together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenangelcat Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 From experience I agree with your husband. If you don't work to maintain a relationship you will "fall out of love" and you can work to reverse that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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