Really?

[Haiku]

My dd17 has multiple chronic health problems. We just spent three months getting weekly iron infusions because she has now been diagnosed with chronic anemia due to other health issues. Despite living in a nutrition conscious family, her eating habits have always been totally crappy. She's extremely picky and would live on refined carbs if I let her.

 

Today I caught her trying to go to school with a plain package of Ramen noodles for lunch. I pointed out that this is a completely nutrition-free lunch and that someone who plays on the varsity soccer team might want to, you know, nourish her body. Of course I'm the bad guy.

 

Dh said that from now on, dd will have to have her lunch packed before she goes to bed at night and that said lunch will have to include an approved choice from the protein, fruit, grain, and veggie groups. I say that dd is 17 and eating lunch away from the house. We can't control what or whether she eats, and most likely this carefully chosen lunch will get thrown away.

 

How far do we push the issue? Years of discussions and modeling have gotten us a fat lot of nowhere. I am convinced that some of the issues she has are exacerbated by her barely marginal eating habits. She doesn't seem to care. I'm not going to make her research or write a report or anything like that; she has the information. She just doesn't care. She's 17. Do I let her suffer her own consequences?

 

Tara

[UnsinkableKristen]

Yikes. I have no idea. It sounds like an incredibly hard balance between wanting to take care of her (after all she is still your child and a minor) and needing her take responsibility for her own body (because she is almost a grown adult). I wish I could give you an answer!

 

:grouphug:

[GinaPagnato]

Problem is, her consequences are your consequences too, at this age.

 

I have no idea, I'm sorry. My instinct is to go with what your dh is saying, and maybe allow her to pack something that's not ideal, but will be seen as a treat. That way her lunch isn't as restricted (I use that term loosely) as you would like.

 

Would her soccer coach have any influence on her?

[Snickerdoodle]

I have no idea what it is like to have a 17 yo. At some point they have to live with the decisions they make. Although, part of me feels like "act like a 2yo, get treated like a 2yo".

 

 

:grouphug:

 

Parenting ain't for wimps. That's for sure.

[Haiku]

 

Would her soccer coach have any influence on her?

 

He has some. She quit drinking Mountain Dew because he told her that seriously athletes don't fill their bodies with crap. They routinely talk about getting adequate nutrition so they can perform optimally.

 

Ya know, I would actually pack her lunch for her if I thought it would do any good. I think *part* of the problem is that she tends to be a minimal effort kinda kid. Throwing a package of Ramen in her backpack requires less effort than making an actual lunch. But that's only a small part of the problem. I make healthy, nutritious, well-balanced dinners, and she picks at them. She has to make dinner on the nights that I work during the week (usually just once a week). If I don't tell her what to make, or have her choose beforehand something of which I approve, she will make mashed potatoes and cornbread for dinner. No veggie, no protein. All carbs. Since I can't be at the school to force her to eat what I think she should, I have no idea whether she would actually consume a nutritious lunch.

 

Tara

[Ria]

Could you insist that she drink a meal-subsitute shake before leaving for school? At least then you'd know she had some protein...as for lunch, perhaps you can take her shopping and see what you could compromise on.

[Joyofsixreboot]

Unfortunately I have found that you can't really make a 17 yo do anything. Sometimes it's just not a battle you want to fight. I've resorted to carnation instant breakfast before figuring that it's better than no food. :grouphug:

[Pink Fairy]

Why do you have ramen in the house if you don't want your daughter eating it? Do you usually add something to it to make it more nutritious? :bigear: Also, how was she planning to eat it, do they have cooking facilities for the students to use at school? I guess if she planned to just eat it crispy from the bag, that seems worse than if she was going to at least cook it. Not sure why though, lol, except that a person who is willing to eat dry ramen from the bag seems pretty unconcerned about the food they eat--and therefore harder to reach.

[Haiku]

Could you insist that she drink a meal-subsitute shake before leaving for school?

 

She's lactose intolerant. Do they have non-milk-based ones of these? We drink almond milk at home, and she won't drink it, soy milk, or rice milk.

 

Tara

[Harriet Vane]

Ugh. Not sure what to do with this one, but you have my sympathy. :grouphug:

[stripe]

She's lactose intolerant. Do they have non-milk-based ones of these? We drink almond milk at home, and she won't drink it, soy milk, or rice milk.

 

Tara

How about a bar thing?

[gingersmom]

My daughter passed out from not eating enough. I was actually surprised it only happened once.

 

I walk a fine line between making a big deal out of it and letting her live with the consequences.

 

After passing out she did well for quite awhile. She gained 5 pounds and was feeling great. At the end of the summer she proudly announced to me she had lost 4 pounds. Then she headed off to school and ate about 500 calories over 2 days (and that was with a 2 hour field hockey practice).

 

I am always on high alert to step in but I am trying to have her find her own way. I am just keeping my fingers crossed I don't get a call from a school nurse that she has passed out again.

[LisaKinVA]

She's lactose intolerant. Do they have non-milk-based ones of these? We drink almond milk at home, and she won't drink it, soy milk, or rice milk.

 

Tara

 

Jay Robbs makes a wonderful protein powder (doesn't taste chalky). I like the vanilla and strawberry... He makes an egg-white based one. Sweetened with Stevia. I have added strawberries (frozen) and a bit of spinach (not a lot)... but it goes well with almond milk (honestly... I'm pretty picky about taste, and you wind up tasting a frozen strawberry shake.) We've also done one with the vanilla powder, chocolate syrup and banana and a little peanut butter.

[Tammyla]

I would keep all the trash food out of the house and pack the lunch for her. Nibbling at something nutritious is better than eating junk. What we eat can be habits of sorts, (grab what's easy) and slowly training or retraining her would be worth her health in the long term.

 

He has some. She quit drinking Mountain Dew because he told her that seriously athletes don't fill their bodies with crap. They routinely talk about getting adequate nutrition so they can perform optimally.

 

Ya know, I would actually pack her lunch for her if I thought it would do any good. I think *part* of the problem is that she tends to be a minimal effort kinda kid. Throwing a package of Ramen in her backpack requires less effort than making an actual lunch. But that's only a small part of the problem. I make healthy, nutritious, well-balanced dinners, and she picks at them. She has to make dinner on the nights that I work during the week (usually just once a week). If I don't tell her what to make, or have her choose beforehand something of which I approve, she will make mashed potatoes and cornbread for dinner. No veggie, no protein. All carbs. Since I can't be at the school to force her to eat what I think she should, I have no idea whether she would actually consume a nutritious lunch.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

I would keep all the trash food out of the house and pack the lunch for her.

 

We don't really have trash food in the house unless it's a special occasion (and I mean really special, like a birthday, not fake-special, like it's Saturday). I certainly do NOT buy Mountain Dew. She gets that on her own when she's out of the house. The Ramen my husband buys for her bc when she eats it at home, she has to add veggies to it.

 

Tara

[emubird]

I'm guessing you're not going to win this battle. If you do, let me know how. The best you can do is make suggestions and have food available that might work.

 

Is there any chance she's a picky eater because food makes her feel crummy? She might have food allergies, or more intolerances than she currently knows about.

 

Is she getting lactose in hidden forms in some of her food that's making her reluctant to eat anything at all?

 

Maybe you need to work on the big issues -- making sure she has protein and iron in her diet, and not worry over the fruits and vegetables and whole grain thing for now.

 

Because there's junk food and then there's junk food, if you know what I mean. Cookies, for example, may not seem all that nutritious, but they do have fat calories to keep her going after the sugar calories wear off, there's a bit of protein, and one would hope, with enriched flour, that there might be some iron. Mtn Dew, on the other hand, is just junk and not likely to last her very long. Maybe if she could eat some junk, you'd all be happier -- it's just a question of choosing better junk.

 

Ice cream and pizza might be good for her, for example, if you could find ones that weren't heavy on the lactose. There are some ice "creams" that fall into this category.

[Perry]

:grouphug:

No answers, just sympathy.

We're having similar problems.

[Sandy in Indy]

I think I'd work with her on packing lunches at night. If she throws them away...guess that's up to her; at least you tried. She's at a point where she has to make some decisions for herself. If she's anything like my oldest ds, it really is about convenience rather than content. If he can't fall out of bed and throw something in his backpack, he goes without. I finally had to come to grips with the fact that it was just beyond my control--or responsibility--anymore. (But he's 20 and a college student.)

 

Parenting on this end is SOOOOOO much harder than when they are little...at least that's been my experience.

[MusicMama]

Have you thought of anorexia? Often, it is expertly hidden by the girls. The women's soccer team at my bil's high school had a wide-spread anorexia "epidemic" among the team members. Your daughters eating habits seem very serious, and hazardous to her health. Also this,

 

After passing out she did well for quite awhile. She gained 5 pounds and was feeling great. At the end of the summer she proudly announced to me she had lost 4 pounds.

 

sounds like a serious case of anorexia!

 

Here is an article on female athletes and anorexia.

 

http://www.scu.edu/wellness/topics/athletes/femaleanorexia.cfm

[Haiku]

Maybe if she could eat some junk, you'd all be happier -- it's just a question of choosing better junk.

 

Yeah, she does get to eat some junk. She buys her own when she's out, and my expert baker 9 year old bakes us cookies or a cake at least once a week.

 

Have you thought of anorexia?

 

No, and the person who posted about her dd passing out was not me. I am not concerned about anorexia at all. Dd is perfectly happy to eat, it's just that she is very picky and only eats a few things that I consider to be minimally nutritious. Dd's weight is excellent for her height and build. In fact, we were just at the specialist yesterday and he showed her her height and weight growth charts. She has consistently been in about the 40th percentile for both in the years she's lived with us (adopted at an older age).

 

Tara

[LibraryLover]

Many people here won't agree with what I do, but I do it because I want to. My 17 yr ds attends public high school. He has 2 AP classes this semester and spends hours and hours a week in his music program at school and privately. I pack his lunch at night.

 

Yes, I pack my 17 yr old dc's lunch.

 

Often, mostly, he helps me with it. He fills his water bottle half way and puts it in the freezer, grabs the fruit. I slice the veggies for his salad and he fills the little dressing container. I also take whatever leftovers from dinner, put it in a container, pop it into his lunch box and either he or I shove the thing into the fridge. It takes 5 minutes.

 

He would also grab whatever in the rush of the morning. He's busy and tired and I know he works hard/or feels overwhelmed sometimes, so I honestly do not mind preparing 90% of his lunch so we don't have a morning scramble or him grabbing a bag of of green Pirate Booty and calling it lunch. I also feel like it's one of the few concrete ways I can express my love for him. I also did it for my now 22 yr old who also attended a B & M high school. He still sometimes mentions 'mommy lunches'. lol That phrase came from a friend he sat with at lunch, who one day said, 'You are so lucky to have a Mommy Lunch." It was not teasing, it was envy. Oldest ds still remembers those lunches fondly.

 

Last night I made curried veggies with couscous. So technically, I didn't 'make' his lunch, I just transferred some of dinner into a metal container. lol OK, I did slice cucumbers and I did cut up a bell pepper for him. I also look away when he wants the chocochip granola bar (Amy's, but still sugar carbs. lol)

Edited September 8, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Mom-ninja.]

I guess I would say my house my rules. If she gets sick, you have to pay and take care of her.

 

 

This is what I'm afraid of when my ds is a teen. He can't eat gluten, and right now it's easy for me to control what he eats. He's only 7. I'm afraid of what choices he'll make as a teen and young adult. At some point I have to realize it's his health and his body so his choice. However, I've decided while in my house it's my rules.

 

I hope that by him growing up gluten free it'll just be normal to him.

[KidsHappen]

I personally do not think that you can control what a 17 year old eats, especially away from home. You can control what you buy and make available but that is probably the extent of it. The best you can hope for is to find something that is somewhat healthy that she can and will eat. If you make it a battle it could set her up for life long eating problems. Most people learn to like a wider variety of foods as they get older so I say just keep offering a variety and allow her to develop better eating habits as she matures.

 

I personally have problems eating as well. My family is constantly perstering me about eating and to tell you the truth, it doesn't make any difference. I have no appetite and rarely even think to eat. When I am hungry, I can barely stomach most things and then I can only eat a small amount. I live on coffee, protein bars and an occassional bite of this, that or another thing. I concentrate on trying to get protein and fruits and then take a multivitamin. I also take fish oil because I am sure that I don't get enough healthy fats.

[Haiku]

Yes, I pack my 17 yr old dc's lunch.

 

I wouldn't mind doing this if I knew (or suspected) that it would get eaten. Watching what dd will try to throw in the trash at home (because it's less effort than putting it in a container to keep in the fridge), I really suspect it will get tossed. I just about had a heart attack last night. Dh made a beautiful lasagna for dinner. Dd sat down at the table, took a helping, ate one bite, and pushed the plate away. When dh told her she had to eat *something*, she made a pb sandwich and peeled a carrot. After dinner I found her standing in front of the trash can, milliseconds away from tipping the plate of lasagna into the trash. :willy_nilly:

 

Maybe I just need to suck it up and make the lunch anyway and be content that I did my part, even if dd doesn't do what I consider to be her part (eating it).

 

Tara

Edited September 8, 2011 by TaraTheLiberator

[kiana]

Any munchy finger foods that she likes? Protein bars, nuts, etc? Some kind of dried fruit, which is still carby but better than ramen? Protein-enriched cookies?

[Paige]

It likely will not get eaten. I don't know what the answer is. I'm struggling with my 9 year old. Getting no nonsense with him hasn't done a darn thing. He literally vomits at the table if I ask him to try stuff or eat a vegetable. I've spoken to the doctor about it and was pretty much brushed off.

 

There are a few things my son will eat and that's pretty much what I get him (canned pasta, eggs, cereal, etc.). I get him the healthiest cereals and pastas I can find (Total, whole grain, etc.).

 

I don't keep much junk in the house, but the little I do buy he scarfs down and then he won't eat much for days.

 

I'm at a total loss (and he isn't even near being an adult). :crying:

 

He needs desensitization. Don't make him eat it, make him put it in his mouth and spit it out without chewing until he can do it without gagging. Then chew and spit out until he doesn't gag, then he may eat a bite. The OP's dilemma is why I pursued feeding therapy with my picky eaters when they were younger.

 

For the OP- is there any chance that she has an eating disorder and is purposefully starving herself? The fact that she quit drinking Mt Dew but won't follow it up with more nutritious foods seems strange if she really cares about health. I would threaten to take her to a nutritionist or counselor if she doesn't start eating more healthily. It would not be as punishment or anything but just a consequence of your concern. In a few months to a year you won't be able to do anything about it so if she does have a problem, now is the time to intervene. My parents thought I had an ED as a kid and the counselor told them I was fine, so it could be an easy proactive way to ease your mind if she really is fine. FWIW, there are several EDs out there that don't present as anorexia.

[Haiku]

For the OP- is there any chance that she has an eating disorder and is purposefully starving herself?

 

No. To starve yourself, you don't eat. My dd eats. She just eats things that don't provide her with what I consider to be adequate nutrition.

 

The fact that she quit drinking Mt Dew but won't follow it up with more nutritious foods seems strange if she really cares about health.

 

Not drinking Mountain Dew requires minimal effort. Making a healthy lunch requires effort.

 

I would threaten to take her to a nutritionist or counselor if she doesn't start eating more healthily.

 

Done that multiple times.

 

I think the problem is two-fold: One, dd was adopted at an older age and we had HUGE, LARGE, MASSIVE, TOTALLY ALL-CONSUMING attachment problems. We have been through years of therapy. Things are better. But food has always been dd's way to make me nuts.

 

And ...

 

Dd was raised in a culture where the food is much different than what Americans eat. She just doesn't really like American food. There are some things she likes, but overall her opinion of American food is "sucky." I make, and she makes (occasionally, not so much now that she is so busy with school and soccer), food from her native country. But not every day.

 

I am not worried about dd being anorexic/bulimic or anything like that. She will eat. She just wants crappy, processed, minimally nutritious food.

 

Tara

[LibraryLover]

She's a picky eater and that's not going to change right now. Maybe it will someday, but not right now. If she eats a pb sandwich, that's what I would pack and I would try to make nutrient dense 'junk'. Banana or pumpkin muffins, power bars...whatever it is. If she only likes bananas, carrots, or apples or grapes, then I would simply pack that. She's 17 and she's entrenched. That's what you have to work with. That's it right now. Nothing is going to change much in the next few months. She graduates this year? Keep your eye on the prize....Time might change things or it might not.

 

My high school ds will *not* eat sandwiches. ;) It's not as bad as what you're dealing with, but it is a pita sometimes. It's very easy to slap a some stuff into two pieces of bread.

 

He does likes *some* wraps, I'll give him that. When I don't have enough leftovers (I try to make enough) a wrap will do.

 

Does she like simple soups? Plain pasta (can you fat it up with olive oil?)? Avocado salsa with corn chips? (I am a huge avo fan for vegans.) Seeds, nuts?

 

She needs to eat decently and she can't manage it for herself. I would go ahead and pack pb daily if that is what it took to keep her away from ramen. (Although will she eat homemade ramen prepared simply? Stir fry?) Will she eat hummus with pita chips? (The bagged 'junky" kind? Stacey's? brand, maybe?) At least she'll be getting hummus, kwim? I pack lots of hummus for my kid.

 

 

 

I wouldn't mind doing this if I knew (or suspected) that it would get eaten. Watching what dd will try to throw in the trash at home (because it's less effort than putting it in a container to keep in the fridge), I really suspect it will get tossed. I just about had a heart attack last night. Dh made a beautiful lasagna for dinner. Dd sat down at the table, took a helping, ate one bite, and pushed the plate away. When dh told her she had to eat *something*, she made a pb sandwich and peeled a carrot. After dinner I found her standing in front of the trash can, milliseconds away from tipping the plate of lasagna into the trash. :willy_nilly:

 

Maybe I just need to suck it up and make the lunch anyway and be content that I did my part, even if dd doesn't do what I consider to be her part (eating it).

 

Tara

Edited September 8, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Jyniffrec]

Coming at this with the perspective of a child with chronic health problems I will say this: I would rather her get sick from eating junk in my house where I can help her than to force her to eat the right way. I am looking at it from a medication perspective - but it isn't all that different if it is her health you are concerned about. When my dd hits your dd's age I want her to have full control of her medicine so that she can make her mistakes under my roof where I am more able to help her get back on the right road. Once she is 18 I will no longer have a say and the stakes will be very, very high indeed. They don't give livers to irresponsible people.

 

I would still present her with the good foods (pack a good lunch, make her sit at the dinner table) but I wouldn't goad her about her food choices. She knows how you feel. Who knows, if this is how she knows she can get at you then maybe leaving her alone will help her.

[AK_Mom4]

Many people here won't agree with what I do, but I do it because I want to. My 17 yr ds attends public high school. He has 2 AP classes this semester and spends hours and hours a week in his music program at school and privately. I pack his lunch at night.

 

Yes, I pack my 17 yr old dc's lunch.

:iagree:

 

DH has packed the public school kids' lunches since kindergarten. he even packed a lunch for DS15 when he was homeschooled because - like the OP - DS is a minimal effort kid. DS15 would totally take a package of ramen noodles if he didn't have a lunch packed for him.

 

You choose your battles and what's important for you.

 

OP - if your DD would eat the lunch you pack, then I would pack her a lunch each night for the next day. Some inconvenience is worth them eating healthy, KWIM?

[Quiver0f10]

I make the descisions on what to buy and cook and my older teens can choose to eat what I have made or choose to not eat it. If they want to buy junk with their own money, then that is their choice.

 

So I would buy and prepare healthy foods and keep the fridge and pantry stocked with healthy snacks.

[ondreeuh]

My dd grabs whatever is fastest and doesn't care too much about nutrition. She doesn't try to eat junk, but she will grab an apple and string cheese 5 days a week because it's fast and there's no way that will keep her full. I think it's a time management problem, really. I keep a stock of protein bars, fruit/nut mixes, and granola bars so at least there's something reasonably healthy to grab. I would try to sit down with your dd and make a list of meal choices you won't harass her for. ;) If she'll eat yogurts, go ahead and buy the expensive cups or even those gogurts. I'd be willing to compromise. Trail mix with chocolate chips? Sure. If she'll eat hard-boiled eggs, keep a stock of those in the fridge.

 

Maybe it's time for her to learn to cook real meals. She might get more interested in eating a variety, and she might develop some appreciation for how much work it is and not waste the leftovers.

[Misty]

If she is 1) lactose intolerant, and 2) anemic, and 3) has chronic health issues, and 4) craves the starches and processed foods.. Then she DEFINITELY has a gut issue going on that needs corrected.. A gluten free diet along with yeast protocol (probiotics, etc.) would probably fix her right up.

[kalanamak]

She's lactose intolerant. Do they have non-milk-based ones of these? We drink almond milk at home, and she won't drink it, soy milk, or rice milk.

 

Tara

 

Ensure. Chilled is good. Whip up in a blender with a frozen banana and it is like a milk shake.

 

Will she eat PPJ?

[Lakeside]

 

Dd was raised in a culture where the food is much different than what Americans eat. She just doesn't really like American food. There are some things she likes, but overall her opinion of American food is "sucky." I make, and she makes (occasionally, not so much now that she is so busy with school and soccer), food from her native country. But not every day.

 

Tara

 

Maybe when you or your daughter make the foods from her native country you could make extra and freeze it for her lunches.

[Cindyg]

She's lactose intolerant. Do they have non-milk-based ones of these? We drink almond milk at home, and she won't drink it, soy milk, or rice milk.

Tara

 

How about coconut milk? Not from a can, the kind in the refrigerated section of the grocery store. It is SO yummy! But not a good source of protein. Can she drink whey protein? (Not sure if it's lactose free.)

 

The coconut milk is so good, she might tolerate a soy protein powder stirred in. I put spirulina, stevia, and flax seed in my coconut-protein powder shakes (along with a frozen banana), and it is seriously yummy.

 

I have the same deal with a picky eater who would live on refined carbs if he could. Mine is also an athlete, and I have to remind him constantly that he's not going to get (or keep) an athlete's body by feeding it soda, candy, and chips.

 

As to why soda, candy, and chips are in my house when I don't want him eating them (somebody asked the same question about the ramen noodles): I don't mind him eating these things as part of a healthy meal or snack. Or as a dessert. But I want him to fill up on the good stuff.

 

For packed lunches -- the enrichment program my son goes to doesn't allow any kind of nuts, so that makes it really hard to pack a protein. I usually pack yogurt, raw carrots, dried fruit, and a piece of bread or some crackers. (He won't eat a sandwich.) He comes home hungry!

[asta]

No, and the person who posted about her dd passing out was not me. I am not concerned about anorexia at all. Dd is perfectly happy to eat, it's just that she is very picky and only eats a few things that I consider to be minimally nutritious. Dd's weight is excellent for her height and build. In fact, we were just at the specialist yesterday and he showed her her height and weight growth charts. She has consistently been in about the 40th percentile for both in the years she's lived with us (adopted at an older age).

 

Tara

 

My sister went through it with one of her daughters, but it actually WAS an eating disorder - she just hid it very well. Eating disorders don't necessarily mean being underweight, they mean disordered eating (but you knew that).

 

I also agree with talking to the coach: there is a big push now in women's sport to look out for this and to implement proper eating programs. Perhaps the coach could pull her aside with something along the lines of "you're slowing down - what are you eating? - I need you to be eating X, and I want you bringing Y to practice for a snack." You know how coaches can get away with being really blunt.

 

 

a