Help me address this problem with DS's kinder teacher

[TXMomof4]

The kids are in school for various and sundry reasons this year. It is only for this year and the older three are doing great. The two oldest girls have 100s on everything so far and youngest dd, who has really struggled at home, is thriving.

 

BUT - ds's teacher is giving me fits. My son goes by his nickname, J. We decided to call him J before he was born because he is named after my brother and didn't want two Ts. All of his documents for school have T on them, but we made it very clear we call him J. So, the second week of school he is writing his name on somethign and said his teacher told him he has to write T. Well...that's not his name. I called the teacher and made clear to her that I do not want her to change what he is called. His name is J, it's always been J and will continue to be J. She apologized and assured me she would start calling him J.

 

So I went to school to eat lunch with him and she came and was telling me how well T is doing in school. :glare::confused:

 

This is a big deal to me. You don't just change a person's name, right? I don't know if I should confront her again or take it on up to the principal or what.

 

DH doesn't want me to bring him home yet, but I will not let him be stomped on by a teacher who can't take the time to get the name right.

 

Argh! K is supposed to be fun!

[Tangerine]

Sounds like the teacher needs to make a little note in the attendance chart or something!

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

You could get him some cheap, plain t-shirts and use fabric paint to paint his name on them. She might get the hint. Or a "My name is J" sticker. There are a lot of kids that she is just getting to know. I am sure she would appreciate the help :D

[kathkath]

are there not nametags and labels on everything, including him? Are all of those wrong?

[Sevilla]

She apologized and assured me she would start calling him J.

 

So I went to school to eat lunch with him and she came and was telling me how well T is doing in school. :glare::confused:

 

This is a big deal to me. You don't just change a person's name, right? I don't know if I should confront her again or take it on up to the principal or what.

 

DH doesn't want me to bring him home yet, but I will not let him be stomped on by a teacher who can't take the time to get the name right.

Let it go - if she's treating your DS kindly in every other way then try to assume positive intent. It's just the second week of school and it's easy to mix up children's names (especially when his 'real name' isn't on any of her paperwork and is something she learned AFTER she started memorizing the original name).

 

She's not being malicious, she was trying to connect with you and give you a compliment on your child. Give it a month and see if it's still an issue before talking with her about it again.

 

FWIW, I can't tell you how many times I've called a student the wrong name, or had two students whose names I constantly mixed up (in my head) during the year (even though I clearly knew which student was who, the name bit got mixed up in my memory and was difficult to untangle).

[SKL]

Maybe you could just explain to him that at school, kids go by their legal name? Just like at different times, you go by your first name or Mrs. __.

 

I don't think it should be a problem, unless he says it bothers him.

 

My daughter has a name that, for whatever reason, many people mispronounce - including her previous teacher and classmates. Some people even mix it up with her sister's name (think Brangelina). She tells me about it every so often, with an eyeroll or a forehead-pout. But it has not caused any real issues. I also changed her first name all together when she came home at 9 mos, so I don't believe that a name change is a huge problem. But again, if it bothers him, then it's worth talking to the teacher about it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You could get him some cheap, plain t-shirts and use fabric paint to paint his name on them. She might get the hint. Or a "My name is J" sticker. There are a lot of kids that she is just getting to know. I am sure she would appreciate the help :D

 

I like these ideas.

[Julie Smith]

Just calmy remind her. I know I am terrible at remembering names, or even saying names correctly.

 

I do know how annoying it can be. I had a teacher in grade nine who insisted I was misspelling my name, and took marks off on a test because I mis spelt my name. :confused: (I was spelling it the way it was on the attendance sheets and all my school records. But according to him that way didn't make any sense and was wrong)

[TXMomof4]

Well, it's the 4th week of school here. I have his things for class marked J, but his nametag at his desk is T. I just hate for the whole class to always call him the wrong name. He is only called T when he's in big trouble with me or Dad, kwim?

I guess I'll address it with the teacher one more time. Of all the things I was worried about with PS this is one that never crossed my mind. Of course, if it's the worst thing that I have to deal with I guess I'll count my blessings.

[SKL]

I do know how annoying it can be. I had a teacher in grade nine who insisted I was misspelling my name, and took marks off on a test because I mis spelt my name. :confused: (I was spelling it the way it was on the attendance sheets and all my school records. But according to him that way didn't make any sense and was wrong)

 

My sister insists that she is a poor speller because the KG teacher kept changing the spelling of her middle name on her. I don't know . . . .

 

I don't think it's unusual for teachers to drop kids' nicknames. My brother Bobby had to get used to Robert, for example.

 

This reminds me of when I first met my KG teacher. She asked my name. I was not sure whether to give my legal name (which my mom only used when I was bad) or the more informal version of it (which I knew was not technically my name). I couldn't decide, so the teacher got impatient with me in our first minute together. I was terrified of her after that, LOL.

[Julie Smith]

My sister insists that she is a poor speller because the KG teacher kept changing the spelling of her middle name on her. I don't know . . . .

 

I don't think it's unusual for teachers to drop kids' nicknames. My brother Bobby had to get used to Robert, for example.

 

This reminds me of when I first met my KG teacher. She asked my name. I was not sure whether to give my legal name (which my mom only used when I was bad) or the more informal version of it (which I knew was not technically my name). I couldn't decide, so the teacher got impatient with me in our first minute together. I was terrified of her after that, LOL.

 

(Please note the names have been changed)

 

I was born Elizabeth Julie. I have no memory of the following. But I have been told then when I was about 5 I insisted, "Elizabeth doesn't live here anymore. She is dead. I am Julie". I supposedly was quite insistent and supposedly once even attached my older brother for calling me Elizabeth. I acted as if I had no clue why people would call me Elizabeth. I have been Julie ever since.

[kitten18]

Well, it's the 4th week of school here. I have his things for class marked J, but his nametag at his desk is T. I just hate for the whole class to always call him the wrong name. He is only called T when he's in big trouble with me or Dad, kwim?

I guess I'll address it with the teacher one more time. Of all the things I was worried about with PS this is one that never crossed my mind. Of course, if it's the worst thing that I have to deal with I guess I'll count my blessings.

I would NOT let this go. I think that is a HUGE deal!

 

When I taught middle-school, I had a roster before school started. On the first day of class, I took attendance and at that time, the kids told me if they wanted to be called something other than what was on the roster. If they did, I made a note on the roster and that was the end of it. It's really not that hard and I had 150 students/day. You DS's teacher has the same kids all day.

[FO4UR]

If it's important to you that he not always be called "T" I think you need to address this again. Sending him to school with a nametag is a good idea.

 

My brother dealt with something like this. He went by his middle name from birth b/c he shares a family name. A certain teacher REFUSED to call by his middle name, and insisted calling him by his first. This led to mass confusion as everyone in that class called him by his first name...and other people who knew him outside of that class called him by his middle name. He FINALLY just started going by "First-Middle" name to clear up the confusion...which carried over a long time to the point where new people began asking "Why do you go by first-middle?":confused: At that point, he picked a name.

 

I can tell how people know him by what they call him.:001_huh::lol:

 

 

In this case, a teacher refused to correct the name out of some weird claim to authority.:glare: In your case, it sounds like the teacher has failed to correct this b/c she can't remember.:confused:

[abbeyej]

Well, it's the 4th week of school here. I have his things for class marked J, but his nametag at his desk is T. I just hate for the whole class to always call him the wrong name. He is only called T when he's in big trouble with me or Dad, kwim?

I guess I'll address it with the teacher one more time. Of all the things I was worried about with PS this is one that never crossed my mind. Of course, if it's the worst thing that I have to deal with I guess I'll count my blessings.

 

Just address it as a friendly reminder -- and INSIST the label on his desk be changed.

 

"Oh, I know it's the beginning of the year and you're just so busy getting to know all of the kids... But I wanted to remind you that J's name is J -- not T -- and also to ask that the label on his desk please be changed to the correct name. ... Is there anything else I could do to help you remember his name?"

[My3Monkeys]

My dad tells a story of being in school where a teacher insisted on calling one of the other students "Joseph" instead of Joe because she didn't like nicknames. In this case his birth name WAS Joe and the kid finally got fed up and brought in his birth certificate.

[akmommy]

I like the name tag idea, and I do think it is a big deal. It's your sons identity, after all. I would mention it to her one more time and then I would send him to school with a name tag everyday until she gets it right.

[Kirch]

My dad tells a story of being in school where a teacher insisted on calling one of the other students "Joseph" instead of Joe because she didn't like nicknames. In this case his birth name WAS Joe and the kid finally got fed up and brought in his birth certificate.

 

:confused: I just don't get it. Why is it that some people (and it's not just teachers) think they can choose for someone else what he/she is to be called? There's just no reason for not calling someone by his/her preferred name or nickname as long as it's not offensive and it really is the name the person actually uses. No reason other than a power trip, I suppose.

[Jryanbass]

As someone who has ALWAYS gone by her middle name, give it another month. Teach your son how to kindly remind her, and ANYONE else who calls him the wrong name, that his name is J. It gets better. The first month she is trying to remember everyone's name, and a lot of time they just look in their grade book, which has the child's legal first name in it. I have had this problem my entire life, and I'm almost 30. I promise, it will get better!:grouphug:

[Dobela]

His enrollment, all official paperwork, and all that will have to be filled out as Ted J. Lastname. Any standardized testing will be done as Ted J. Lastname. When he becomes an adult and enters college or military, he will be called by his first name. This will most likely be a lifelong struggle of sorts. My guess is that it is just the first few days of school but the teacher already sees him as T. She has made a connection with his face and the name T, and most likely so have the kids. I would just gently keep reminding her. She has a new class over over 20 kids and many distrations. I doubt she is doing this just to get at you or be rude. Next time, enroll him as T. Jay Lastname so they have to go by middle name.

[Jean in Newcastle]

His enrollment, all official paperwork, and all that will have to be filled out as Ted J. Lastname. Any standardized testing will be done as Ted J. Lastname. When he becomes an adult and enters college or military, he will be called by his first name. This will most likely be a lifelong struggle of sorts. My guess is that it is just the first few days of school but the teacher already sees him as T. She has made a connection with his face and the name T, and most likely so have the kids. I would just gently keep reminding her. She has a new class over over 20 kids and many distrations. I doubt she is doing this just to get at you or be rude. Next time, enroll him as T. Jay Lastname so they have to go by middle name.

 

I go by my middle name. At every single school or even doctor's office all I've had to do is to tell them "I go by Jean" and they made a note of it in my grade book or chart. It doesn't have to be a lifelong struggle - just a lifetime of reminders on the first day. This teacher's laziness is making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. I think that the OP should quietly insist that she make a note of the name he goes by.

[tex-mex]

Sounds like the teacher needs to make a little note in the attendance chart or something!

:iagree:

 

Give it time.

 

I was a K teacher back in the day. It was impossible for me to recall any nicknames in the first weeks of school along with everything else.

 

Don't take her memory "fog" personally. Try to be patient -- the teacher will get it. In the meantime, make a game or incentive to "train" the teacher into memorizing the child's nickname. Personally, I'd get a kick out of it. (I always loved baked goodies or coffee gifts. ;) LOL) Hang in there!

 

ETA: K grades always get frustrated parents with this scenario. However, due to this, the K teacher WILL make sure the next year's teacher in 1st grade KNOWS the nickname, diet allergy, possible LD, and other vital notes. It happens.

[leeannpal]

Let it go - if she's treating your DS kindly in every other way then try to assume positive intent. It's just the second week of school and it's easy to mix up children's names (especially when his 'real name' isn't on any of her paperwork and is something she learned AFTER she started memorizing the original name).

 

She's not being malicious, she was trying to connect with you and give you a compliment on your child. Give it a month and see if it's still an issue before talking with her about it again.

 

FWIW, I can't tell you how many times I've called a student the wrong name, or had two students whose names I constantly mixed up (in my head) during the year (even though I clearly knew which student was who, the name bit got mixed up in my memory and was difficult to untangle).

 

:iagree:It honestly sounds like you are looking for something to be upset about. Teachers are not perfect.

[Daisy]

His enrollment, all official paperwork, and all that will have to be filled out as Ted J. Lastname. Any standardized testing will be done as Ted J. Lastname. When he becomes an adult and enters college or military, he will be called by his first name. This will most likely be a lifelong struggle of sorts. My guess is that it is just the first few days of school but the teacher already sees him as T. She has made a connection with his face and the name T, and most likely so have the kids. I would just gently keep reminding her. She has a new class over over 20 kids and many distrations. I doubt she is doing this just to get at you or be rude. Next time, enroll him as T. Jay Lastname so they have to go by middle name.

 

It is difficult. You may need to talk with the office & see if they can help out by changing his name in the computer. Every scrap of paper this teacher is getting has T written on it. Every day the role has T. Every time she has to enter his test scores into the computer it is T. Every time the child is brought up by the office, they'll use T.

 

My husband would be very apologetic but it might take him a while to remember. He would have changed the name on the desk the first day though because it would have helped him remember.

[dcjlkplus3]

Just address it as a friendly reminder -- and INSIST the label on his desk be changed.

 

"Oh, I know it's the beginning of the year and you're just so busy getting to know all of the kids... But I wanted to remind you that J's name is J -- not T -- and also to ask that the label on his desk please be changed to the correct name. ... Is there anything else I could do to help you remember his name?"

 

I like this approach

[WishboneDawn]

I think I'd just remind her. I'm terrible with remembering names so it might not be on purpose.

 

:iagree: Especially with a classroom full of kids!

[unsinkable]

Some schools insist that children learn to write their legal name on all papers. The teachers will call the kids whatever they want to be called but the legal name belongs on schoolwork.

[twoxcell]

My sister goes by her middle name and always have. While we attended PS for 3 years all of the teachers called her by her first name.

[unsinkable]

I also wanted to add that we are a family full of nicknames for formal names. We have the kind of nicknames that aren't even close to our formal names.

 

I know how unusual this is so we just roll with punches and cut people a lot of slack.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[Mom0012]

I think I'd just remind her. I'm terrible with remembering names so it might not be on purpose.

 

:iagree: If she's seen his name on her class roster and got to know it as T, and was calling him T for a couple of days, then maybe she is just getting confused. It would be awfully gutsy for her to intentionally refer to him as T when you have asked her to call him J. I bet she has a million things running through her mind right now with school starting and just made a mistake.

 

Lisa

[HeidiKC]

Send him with a cute name tag every day for a couple of weeks.

[kathkath]

Well, it's the 4th week of school here. I have his things for class marked J, but his nametag at his desk is T. I just hate for the whole class to always call him the wrong name. He is only called T when he's in big trouble with me or Dad, kwim?

I guess I'll address it with the teacher one more time. Of all the things I was worried about with PS this is one that never crossed my mind. Of course, if it's the worst thing that I have to deal with I guess I'll count my blessings.

 

She needs to change the name on his desk. She ought to know better than to label everything before the kids come.

[annlaura]

I agree with a pp - teach him to politely say his name is J. My mother taught me to do this at an early age. And a gentle reminder from you, along with a request to change the name on his desk, should be enough. :grouphug:

[fhjmom]

Just wondering, did you or your DS tell her at meet the teacher or the first day of class that he went by a different name? I am betting that she made up the name plates for the desks, labeled things for the classroom and did all sorts of prep with her class rolls and now has "T" embedded in her mind. Some teachers try really hard to learn students' names as soon as possible and if one already has a name attached it is harder for the teacher to learn the correct one when trying to keep so many different students straight.

 

For this reason, I never tried to learn names from the attendance rols or grade book. I always had students fill out a note card with their legal name and the name they wish to be called if it was different and underline their preference. THe first few days of school, I held the notecards and used them to learn the kids' names (plus it helped bc they would also write other pertinent info). Usually by the end of the second class, I had all my kids names *down* and I taught high school PE, which meant 4-6 classes of 30+ kids in each, all up running around, not sitting in the same place. (Which is why I *HAD* to learn names so quickly; I had to be able to yell at a kid from across the gym or field! LOL!)

 

I would gently correct her again and insist that the name plate on his desk be changed, but I would still cut her some slack, especially if no initiative was made in the beginning to make her aware of what your DS was called.

 

BTW, my experience as a teacher is what prompted me to be sure that all of my children's given names are what I wanted them to be called. I wanted the name that would show up on the roll to sheet be what they went by - for their sake and the teachers'.

[TXMomof4]

Just wondering, did you or your DS tell her at meet the teacher or the first day of class that he went by a different name? I am betting that she made up the name plates for the desks, labeled things for the classroom and did all sorts of prep with her class rolls and now has "T" embedded in her mind. Some teachers try really hard to learn students' names as soon as possible and if one already has a name attached it is harder for the teacher to learn the correct one when trying to keep so many different students straight.

 

For this reason, I never tried to learn names from the attendance rols or grade book. I always had students fill out a note card with their legal name and the name they wish to be called if it was different and underline their preference. THe first few days of school, I held the notecards and used them to learn the kids' names (plus it helped bc they would also write other pertinent info). Usually by the end of the second class, I had all my kids names *down* and I taught high school PE, which meant 4-6 classes of 30+ kids in each, all up running around, not sitting in the same place. (Which is why I *HAD* to learn names so quickly; I had to be able to yell at a kid from across the gym or field! LOL!)

 

I would gently correct her again and insist that the name plate on his desk be changed, but I would still cut her some slack, especially if no initiative was made in the beginning to make her aware of what your DS was called.

 

BTW, my experience as a teacher is what prompted me to be sure that all of my children's given names are what I wanted them to be called. I wanted the name that would show up on the roll to sheet be what they went by - for their sake and the teachers'.

 

Yes, we told her before school started, the first day, meet the teacher night, and have addressed it with a phone call since then, and when I went to eat lunch with him again last week. Part of me is trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and understand the craziness of the first month of school. Apparently she's got quite a few rough and tumble kids in her class and I do get that. BUT, ds shouldn't have to change his identity (and yes, names are important to me - even his nickname was used because of sentimental ties) because he's the smart, easy-going kid in the class.

 

This is our first time for K - the girls were all home for K so I feel like I'm walking a fine line between being THAT parent that causes grief and just making sure ds is ok with the situation he's in. I'm not averse to bringing him home, but dh really would like him to stay the year and come home next year, we know we'll be moving again so it will be a natural transition time.

 

I guess I'll go by the class and offer to change the nametag on his desk and anywhere else I see it for her and get some cute nametags for him to wear next week. If it takes longer than a week for her to get it, I'll take it on up the chain.

[lionfamily1999]

My daughter had been Jo (little Jo, Jo bear, &tc) since she was born. Her time in ps school had her being called Jazzlyn, Jaqueline, Jock-a-lyn, and other great screw-ups. I am Julie/Juliana. I am known as Julia, Juli (which is a version I actually like), July, Julien, Julie Ann, Judy, and a ton of other versions. Both of us learned to live with what others called us, because our parents gave up on correcting people.

 

Jo and I both decided this just makes it easier for us to figure out who our 'friends' are. If someone, like the school councelor, calls (like she did when I took Jo out of school) and consistently refers to her as Jock-a-lyn, then I know all her prattle about being so close with my daughter is bunk.

 

Of course, you could always tell your son to correct the teacher, or ignore her. I had a Korean friend that did this (his first name was a family name and every.single.year he had to reexplain that). Imo, it's just a learning experience.