tuzor Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Today I met a woman from church that does not agree with homeschooling because she is fearful about lack of socialization. Truly I get so tired of people bringing this topic up. My children are young, and I don't have very much experience with many people who were homeschooled and are now adults. But my question is are homeschooled children that socially awkward? Why is socialization such a concern for non homeschooling families. This is not a judgement agianst non homeschool families but sometimes I wonder. Why am I wired for wanting my children to be children and not exposing them to things I don't feel they are emotionally ready to handle. Then I get home and my husband says he still worries about socialization with our kids. :001_huh: How much socialization do these children need. They have each other, us (their parents), extended family, church, little league teams, co-op and friends from church, neighborhood kids and plenty of others that are not homeschooled. Am I supposed to be eager to send them to school so that they can hear every curse word and learn all sorts of things they don't need to know right now. In addition should I be eager to drop them off for 8 hours a day and then wonder where all the outside influence is coming from? I don't know. Long story short sometimes I get scared and I think am I ruining my children. Will my decision to hs them leave them disadvantaged in some regard that I will look back and wish I did something different. Deciding to hs my children was a decision that I did not come to lightly. I felt and still feel it is the best choice for my family but there are times when fear rears its ugly head. Just had to get this out I thought people on the board might understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Go and have some chocolate and don't worry about the opinions of people who haven't done their research. :grouphug::grouphug: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Well, I think many of them are just ignorant and truly don't understand what homeschooling is or how it works. They were raised in the same system many of us were and just haven't managed to find their way out of the box yet. Then because PS often doesn't have the same academic success as many homeschool families so this is their fallback position and the ignorant swallow it because after all it's what the "experts" tell them. Others feel threatened by your out of the box decision and want to undermine your confidence hoping youll give up and fall into line. Those who appear to just be ignorant may listen and learn something so answer their questions. The ones who are just hostile got sarcasm and eye rolls from me. I'm not officially a homeschooler any more for many personal reasons, but my it's still where my heart is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Go and have some chocolate and don't worry about the opinions of people who haven't done their research. :grouphug::grouphug: Rosie :iagree: Thanks for an early morning lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I think I will still feel nervous until my children have made it into college, then find a job! BUT, NOT about socialization! Most hs'ed kids I've been around are so bright, friendly and well versed in conversation! My worries usually vanish when I see my friend, whose son goes to the exclusive private school my son would have been attending, worry about her son's moral path, she would very much prefer him to be homeschooled. He is a very nice boy, but my point is - there is always something to worry about! The grass is always greener --- no matter what side you're standing on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MusicMama Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Sorry you had a rough day! If you can say it without being snarky, you might tell people: "I'm worried about socialization too. With the swearing and weapons in elementary school, drugs and s&x in middle school, and criminal activity in high school, I want my children to be able to focus on their education without having to navigate the moral morass that is our public school system." I was talking with a friend who teaches at the local middle school. The school has great scores, our county does very well. But, she was lamenting the fact she has to take away weapons from the kids in middle school. She wants to go tie shoes and wipe noses in Kindergarten. Not the environment I want my kids in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My three oldest children were always in PS and my fourth went to PS for two years. The "socialization" at school isn't that great. Much of it is very negative. One of the main reasons I pulled my fourth son out of PS was because his confidence level had sunk so low, his stress level had risen so high and he would spend entire weeks without talking to another child. He thought that not talking to anyone was better than putting up with all the teasing he got for his interests and knowledge. If someone brings up the socialization issue to me, I usually just start laughing. I tell them how my son's social skills have improved dramatically in the one year of homeschooling. He's confident again, he talks to people and he spends more time playing with others. He's still shy but his social skills are improving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) One of my family members pulled her kid out of ps at the end of 1st grade. She had failed first grade and was going to have to repeat. She thought she was stupid, she had started lying and being mouthy. She is now a senior in hs and all of her siblings are teens that have been homeschooled. They are all friendly well adjusted young adults. Responsible, loving the oldest has overcome most of the problems created by the school. She still has some lack of confidence when it comes to her intelligence, but she has come a long way. If you can teach your kids to be respectful to all, to be able to hold a conversation with everyone not just those that are their age, to be involved, to be thoughtful, to be caring, are those not the important things. I hated ps. My friends were through church or the neighborhood, or were kids of my parents friends typically. I really only had one or 2 friends that were only school related. When I started college it was a different world to me. People were in school to learn. They weren't forced to be there, there weren't the cliques. I had lots of friends and the same held true for work after graduation. ETA: I really think some people get overly sensitive when others make different choices. They want validation for the choices they make and to them it is an attack on their choices. I really think this is why some non-homeschoolers are so aggressive about public schools. Edited August 25, 2011 by Mama Geek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GinaPagnato Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Your kids will be completely fine! They clearly have enough interaction with others. You are doing what you know is best for your dc, so don't second-guess yourself. Smile, straighten your shoulders, and confidently pursue your goals for them. Very, very soon the same people who questioned your dc's ability to socialize will have nothing left to say about that subject. Then they'll start to say, "Well, of course your dc are doing so well. You're so smart, I just knew you'd be able to teach them! Plus you have soooo much more patience than I do. I just could never home school." :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katiejane Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 :hug: I get sick of it too. I usually tell them all the activities my kids do. That is usually enough to silence them. I think there are kids that aren't very social no matter where they are schooled. Does throwing kids into same age groups really socialise them well? I am not convinced it does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzziesnowflake Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I have a SIL who is happy to run her mouth about how my kids are not going to be properly socialized because they don't attend ps to others in the family but not to my face. I know they are better off with me (gasp! even the 13 year old) but something creeps up inside me in the middle of the night and plays with my mind making for many of sleepless nights. I wish I could give some advice. My mom tell me I am a good mom because I worry. I have a lot of support from mine and dh's family but that one person's comments triggers the worry. Funny my dh tells me that SIL is jealous and that is why she runs her mouth-I guess you should consider the source! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Leigh Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) I know one homeschool family with painfully awkward, socially inept children who wear clothes that are shockingly out of fashion (not due to religious belief or modesty). The teenage boys wear elastic waist shorts pulled high like Urkel. The boys hide in the bathroom at youth group and even pick their noses in public. I am absolutely convinced that no amount of public schooling or other group activities would truly change that about them. It's just their family culture. The mom still wears puffy paint sweatshirts with pleated khaki pants, has a "bowl" style haircut. She has a hard time having a conversation with anyone and she went to public school as a kid. The more awkward of the two sons is actually considered a genius and only wants to talk about computer science and such, so I imagine that factors in too. That said, we were at an amusement park on Monday and DH insisted he could pick out all the homeschoolers. I'd argue with him, but then he'd point them out and I agreed they probably were, lol. Not because they were socially awkward so much as a specific style of dress and the fact they were there with their entire family including teens when most teens were there in groups of other teens or with boyfriends/girlfriends. I do not think that homeschooling makes people wear long denim skirts with hi tops or black culottes and a head covering. Rather, I think that often people who wish to apply an individualistic or separatist approach to their lives in general and many of those who have very strong religious convictions often choose homeschooling because it fits into their worldview best. DH may have spotted some "obvious" homeschoolers. (Whether they were or not, I'll never know.) but I'm sure there were plenty there that he never picked out. I have noted that homeschooled children, if anything, can come across as a little wordy or know-it-all. I walked to the pool for swimming lessons with an acquaintance who homeschools and her 7 year old was discussing spontaneous combustion and her 11 year old was detailing all of the chemical elements that would need to be present for that to occur. They and my 8 year old also decided to get together and make a clay model of a nuclear reactor "just for fun". I don't find that to be typical and at times, I do think it's off putting to peers, but overall, I see it as a positive. I was waited on in a fast food restaurant recently by surprisingly sharp and eloquent young lady and found that she was homeschooled. I doubt her bright eyed and conscientious approach made her popular with her untucked, bad-attitude, slumping co workers, but she'll clearly have the "social" advantage at any college or job interviews. If bucking the herd mentality and typical teen pettiness and irresponsibility is considered socially awkward, I'm all for it. Again, I think that has as much to do with family culture as with homeschooling. I just believe it's more easily accomplished without the influence of 300 (or 30) classmates that have crowned their own leaders, named their own "losers", etc... Edited August 25, 2011 by Stacie Leigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdrumm4448 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 ...don't worry about the opinions of people who haven't done their research. :grouphug::grouphug: Rosie I'm going to say this to people who are getting on my nerves. Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 People who worry about socialization are worrying based on their personal experience of growing up. They figure that they were shaped by government or private school and grew up to be socially normal. What will happen, they wonder, if someone is not shaped by an institutional school environment? The person couldn't possibly end up the same, right? What they forget is that they probably didn't think most of the people they were in school with were social mavens. They also forget that adults come in all sorts of personalities, no matter what kind of schooling they had. Government and private schools produce scads of socially inept people. (And that's okay; not everyone is socially skilled and probably not everyone aspires to being socially skillful.) I think it's just fear of the unknown. "This experience defined my young life, and I don't see how anyone could turn out anything like me without it." So it goes. They'll have to get over it. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalom22 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I have two neices that are 15 and 17. They have been in ps their entire lives. They have decided this year that they want to homeschool. The girls have decided, not their parents. They told me that they are tired of the ps system. They feel like they have been homeschooling the last couple of years because they have had to teach themselves in several of their courses. They don't get anything done in the classroom and have lots of homework. Plus the stress of being in track and band. Both girls made a comment that took me a bit to grasp. Both girls stated that they were not social. Because of the courses they took, plus one was in track, the other in band. They did not have time or the energy to be social. The girls were withdrawling and finding it difficult to function around people. Their mother was very concerned about this change in behavior. Their parents aren't exactly supportive in their decision to homeschool and are sceptical that they will do it. But I am very proud of them for taking their education serious enough to want to do it themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lacie Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My children are young, and I don't have very much experience with many people who were homeschooled and are now adults. But my question is are homeschooled children that socially awkward? My husband was homeschooled. He went on to preaching school. He is in his 8th year of preaching now, has performed many weddings, funerals, and baptisms. He deals with people of all ages and all stages of life. He is a very social person. His sister is the same way, she has no problems getting along with anyone or dealing with any situation. I don't know if that helps, but at least it is one example. Try not to let other people's opinions bother you, you know what is best for your children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Ask her exactly what kind of socialization she is talking about. The secretary at DH's work is constantly talking about how her 17 year old drinks and parties and has s*x. She also talks about how her 13 year old leaves used condoms in his jeans' pocket. He has also been arrested for some sort of gun issue while he was hanging out with his friends. And yet, SHE is the one who starts in on the socialization issues......:glare::glare::glare::glare::glare: Thankfully, coworkers have commented to her, "I am beginning to understand why J home schools his kids! :lol::lol::lol: DH hasn't had to do a lot of convincing in that office. Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My ds was in private school in Kindergarten. He only got in trouble for talking, yes he was trying to socialize in K. :lol: As an only child, I do probably place more concern on socialization than those with larger families. We're not involved in a hoard of activities to compensate for a lack of siblings, either. Ds is very happy with who he is. He gets along with people of all ages, and thinks spending time with my mom is the idea of a good day.(He and my mom share a birthday, they're big buddies). So if it's "awkward" that, at almost 14, he enjoys spending time with his grandmother, so be it. I try to find pat answers for those that ask such questions. A random stranger questioning my homeschooling doesn't need to know about our methods of socialization. I usually smile and say we've got that covered. I visited a garage sale once, mentioned I homeschooled, and got grilled about socialization from a dear lady with a really scared look on her face. I felt sorry for her that she was so uninformed. I also didn't feel like it was my job to educate her while I was out looking for bargains either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Your kids will be fine. But they WILL be different, and I think that is what scares people into the socialization myth. Your children probably won't act like their peers. (and that is OK!) Homeschooling will affect their social skills, but IMO it's in a positive way. I've noticed that homeschooled kids (the ones I know anyway) are often much more polite, considerate of others, accepting of differences in people, and are capable of having intelligent conversations with adults. I'm not saying that PS children can't do these things, but it doesn't seem as commonplace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuzor Posted August 25, 2011 Author Share Posted August 25, 2011 :grouphug: I think I will still feel nervous until my children have made it into college, then find a job! BUT, NOT about socialization! Most hs'ed kids I've been around are so bright, friendly and well versed in conversation! My worries usually vanish when I see my friend, whose son goes to the exclusive private school my son would have been attending, worry about her son's moral path, she would very much prefer him to be homeschooled. He is a very nice boy, but my point is - there is always something to worry about! The grass is always greener --- no matter what side you're standing on! My son oldest is on a local soccer team and the team is comprised of people in our subdivision whose children all go to the same school. This is the school my children would go to if we weren't homeschooling, and when we go to soccer practice I am surprised at the behavior I see. At first I was being a prude and I wanted to pull my son off the team. My husband said no you can't do that. He said everytime you feel uncomfortable you can run but instead see it as a opportunity to teach your children what is and is not appropriate. So we stayed on the soccer team and there is a difference between my son and the other boys. One of the other moms even commented on how well behaved my boys were. Even the coach complemented my son on how much he picked up his first year of soccer. The coach was telling the team how he has been working with them for two years and how Christopher my son has picked up everything because he comes to practice and pays attention. I am not looking for compliments but its good to hear that people see a diffence thats for the better. Sorry you had a rough day! If you can say it without being snarky, you might tell people: "I'm worried about socialization too. With the swearing and weapons in elementary school, drugs and s&x in middle school, and criminal activity in high school, I want my children to be able to focus on their education without having to navigate the moral morass that is our public school system." I was talking with a friend who teaches at the local middle school. The school has great scores, our county does very well. But, she was lamenting the fact she has to take away weapons from the kids in middle school. She wants to go tie shoes and wipe noses in Kindergarten. Not the environment I want my kids in! I love this!:001_smile: It is so true so many parents and teachers talk about these issues and how much of a problem it is. But apparently that is the type of socializaiton the kids need. We will pass! Thanks for this. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryyans Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My three oldest children were always in PS and my fourth went to PS for two years. The "socialization" at school isn't that great. Much of it is very negative. One of the main reasons I pulled my fourth son out of PS was because his confidence level had sunk so low, his stress level had risen so high and he would spend entire weeks without talking to another child. He thought that not talking to anyone was better than putting up with all the teasing he got for his interests and knowledge. If someone brings up the socialization issue to me, I usually just start laughing. I tell them how my son's social skills have improved dramatically in the one year of homeschooling. He's confident again, he talks to people and he spends more time playing with others. He's still shy but his social skills are improving. My son had similar experiences in PS. In fourth grade there is a picture in the schools year book of his class walking in a line to lunch and my DS face and body language is that of boredom/misery. It makes me sad to see that picture. There was LESS socialization going on for him at school then homeschooling. He is SO much happier with homeschooling and the socialization has been positive and confident boosting as well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ByGrace3 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 :grouphug: Feel confident in your decision. I actually laugh at the concern over socialization. When people express their concern I assure them I can better than replicate the 15 minutes of talking ps children are allowed to do at lunch. PS kids are told to be quiet ALL DAY LONG. How much socialization do pp think is going on there? My dc get far more appropriate interaction through our hs group, co-op, activities, church, etc. At the end of the day when the ps kids have done their after school activities they have barely gotten to see their PARENTS and siblings all day. I find that to be much more of a concern than being able to talk at the bus stop... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 Socialization is such a concern because that's what most people understand. They just can't grasp homeschooling. My son is socially awkward, but he just doesn't care about social norms or pick up on cues others do. In school he'd be the same. At home he gets to be free from the bullying and teasing he'd get at school and gets to have a few friends that are like him. He'd be awkward either way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxanne23 Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 (edited) . Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamajudy Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 It sounds like you are providing plenty of opportunities for your kids to meet others. They'll be fine. There are many socially awkward children in public schools, and there are many social butterflies that homeschool. Kids are all different, even within the same family. One of my kids was voted most friendly in her college class after being homeschooled all her life. On the other hand, I have one who is terribly shy. And the others are somewhere in between. I usually just mention all those outside activities the kids do, and the subject gets dropped. People who express this concern are simply uninformed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coralloyd Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I was hsed and I can tell you that yes, there are plenty socially awkward hsers. There are also plenty that are not. My theory is that awkward people breed awkward people. Socially able breeds socially able. Many people that were outcasts in school hs because of the bad experiences they had. Ask your self if these kids that seem awkward have parents that seem awkward. If you are not what you would consider odd your kids won't be either. You are their primary influence when you hs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Journey Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 I understand your concern very much but I can honestly say "don't worry about it"! My girls are 23 and 17 and they were homeschooled for many years. No, they didn't graduate from homeschool but they did HS up until high school. Neither of them had alot of friends through the years and that may have been due to HSing but it worked for us. They are very social and very mature now for their ages and they get along great with all ages (which is rare if you ask me). My 17 year old is in HS now and she fits in perfectly. She is more of a leader (praise the Lord) than a follower. I would always tell people, when they brought up the socialization thing (which is pretty much all they brought up) "talk to me when you have a little bit of knowledge about homeschooling because if you don't have facts, I have nothing to talk to you aobut". Funny how now, some of these people are actually coming to me asking about homeschooling. Again, don't worry, your kids are going to grow up to be fine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fourcatmom Posted August 25, 2011 Share Posted August 25, 2011 My son had similar experiences in PS. In fourth grade there is a picture in the schools year book of his class walking in a line to lunch and my DS face and body language is that of boredom/misery. It makes me sad to see that picture. There was LESS socialization going on for him at school then homeschooling. He is SO much happier with homeschooling and the socialization has been positive and confident boosting as well! :iagree::iagree::iagree: I have seen the same thing with my two girls. They were almost "mean" being in PS..maybe they had to be to survive, I don't know. Now, six months later they are confident, they approach children, they seek playing with others and they are HAPPY! I would say they are much more socially competent now that they are home and not stressed. Their interactions are positive, not negative. They are not bullied or teased and there is no drama. They are more helpful around the house, less attitude, more caring, less selfish...I could really go on and on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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