Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 This may be an incredibly stooopid question, but how does one say no? It just so happens that I'm not all that good at it. I don't want to lie (and say I'm busy when I'm not at that particular time). I don't want to feel guilty about saying no. I want to be kind and generous. It isn't even as if someone is asking too much of me. It's a paid job. It is something that I've done in the past. It's even been my (very) side business. I just don't wanna. What are some ways you have said no graciously? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm sorry, it just won't fit in our schedule right now. eta: Never feel compelled to give a specific answer that someone could argue with when you say no. Keep it general. I have anther commitment. It won't fit in my schedule. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you for the opportunity. I am unable to commit to it now but I appreciate your thinking of me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Keep it simple. "I'm sorry, I just can't right now." Don't worry about trying to make excuses. If someone presses you, that's terribly bad manners on *their* part, but you can just keep to a vague, "Really, it's just not something I can do right now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Thank you so much for the offer, but it won't really work for our family right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I appreciate you thinking of me, but I won't be able to take you up on this right now. I will let you know in the future if my circumstances change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Not what you're looking for, but, I just can't help thinking of Phoebe's answer on Friends, "Oh, I'd love to help, but I just don't want to":D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 This may be an incredibly stooopid question, but how does one say no? It just so happens that I'm not all that good at it. I don't want to lie (and say I'm busy when I'm not at that particular time). I don't want to feel guilty about saying no. I want to be kind and generous. It isn't even as if someone is asking too much of me. It's a paid job. It is something that I've done in the past. It's even been my (very) side business. I just don't wanna. What are some ways you have said no graciously? "Let me check my calendar and give you a call (or email) back." Then when you email/call, "I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to __________." This way, you have a bit of time to think it over and bolster yourself to respond. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindergretta Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Not what you're looking for, but, I just can't help thinking of Phoebe's answer on Friends, "Oh, I'd love to help, but I just don't want to":D :lol::lol: I want to use this someday!!!!! (I love Friends... Guilty pleasure!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LG Gone Wild Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 How about "I just don't have it in me right now" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 "Thank you so much for asking, but I'm sorry. I just can't do that." I don't discuss my calendar, my dh, my dc, my church, nothin'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted June 5, 2011 Author Share Posted June 5, 2011 Okay, thanks for the suggestions. I'm putting on my big girl panties and gonna say no. ;-P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Heidi, I'm the worst at this too. I don't want to disappoint people. I see a void and think I have to fill it. It makes me stretched too thin and resentful. I am crashing tonight because of waayyyyyyy too many commitments I have been juggling this past week and what I am facing this coming week. I have got to get better at saying "Sorry about that, but I just can't right now." I really doubt most people will say Why? and if they do then the "other commitment" part has to come in. It's not a lie. I am committed to saying NO! I am committed to some down time. I am committed to the book I'm reading right now after the kids are in bed, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm sorry, it just won't fit in our schedule right now. eta: Never feel compelled to give a specific answer that someone could argue with when you say no. Keep it general. I have anther commitment. It won't fit in my schedule. Exactly this. I have never had a problem saying no, lol. I just make it clear without a lot of details that I will not be doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueridge Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 Someone shared this blog post a few days ago, and it really blessed me. http://mentalmultivitamin.blogspot.com/2010/12/where-do-you-find-time.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 5, 2011 Share Posted June 5, 2011 I'm sorry, it just won't fit in our schedule right now. eta: Never feel compelled to give a specific answer that someone could argue with when you say no. Keep it general. I have anther commitment. It won't fit in my schedule. Thank you for the opportunity. I am unable to commit to it now but I appreciate your thinking of me. :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 "No, I can't. I'm sorry." I'm all about the short & sweet. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 #1. It is my policy to not commit without thinking about it, unless it is a one-time, short, low-commitment thing (like babysitting for one Dr's appt.) Otherwise, I always say I need to check my calendar, think about it, and talk it over with dh (I use all of those and don't leave the assumption that I can do it if my calendar is free). This keeps me from that immediate guilt/enthusiasm response. #2. Others have given good ways to say no. I have found that when I go against what I really want (ie....agree when I don't want to.....I end up resenting it.). I'm too busy to resent things. And I already volunteer weekly, so beyond that.....I pick the things I WANT to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in KY Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I practiced in the mirror until I got so good at it that, nowadays, it's my first reaction to say no instead of yes. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 Heidi, I'm the worst at this too. I don't want to disappoint people. I see a void and think I have to fill it. It makes me stretched too thin and resentful. I am crashing tonight because of waayyyyyyy too many commitments I have been juggling this past week and what I am facing this coming week. I have got to get better at saying "Sorry about that, but I just can't right now." I really doubt most people will say Why? and if they do then the "other commitment" part has to come in. It's not a lie. I am committed to saying NO! I am committed to some down time. I am committed to the book I'm reading right now after the kids are in bed, etc. Ooooh, thanks. When you put it *that* way, I DO have other commitments that weekend! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 In the famous words of my wonderful pastor, "NO is a complete sentence." No need for anything further. Of course, that's easier said than done, but I am finding with practice, it gets easier. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I used to have that problem ALOT...sometimes I'll find myself "suckered" LOL into something I really don't want to do or "help" with even now but I've gotten better at it--it was soooooo hard at first---I'm a pleaser...I like to help people but gotta learn to set limits.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 I am committed to saying NO! I am committed to some down time. I am committed to the book I'm reading right now after the kids are in bed, etc. Love it!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi @ Mt Hope Posted June 6, 2011 Author Share Posted June 6, 2011 How about "I just don't have it in me right now" That's certainly the most acurate answer... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 This may be an incredibly stooopid question, but how does one say no? It just so happens that I'm not all that good at it. I don't want to lie (and say I'm busy when I'm not at that particular time). I don't want to feel guilty about saying no. I want to be kind and generous. It isn't even as if someone is asking too much of me. It's a paid job. It is something that I've done in the past. It's even been my (very) side business. I just don't wanna. What are some ways you have said no graciously? I understand--I'm a people pleaser--but I've had to learn how to nicely say no as a matter of survival. The trick is to learn not to feel guilty about it. :tongue_smilie: I smile and say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, I'm not available to do that right now. Thanks for thinking of me, though. I hope you find someone." If *they* follow up with questions, I just repeat myself. "I have too much on my plate right now, and I'm just not available to help out. I hope you can find someone else." My schedule is my business, and I don't have to explain or justify how I plan my days. Being offered money to do something doesn't obligate you to accept anymore than a volunteer position does. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abigail4476 Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 #1. It is my policy to not commit without thinking about it, unless it is a one-time, short, low-commitment thing (like babysitting for one Dr's appt.) Otherwise, I always say I need to check my calendar, think about it, and talk it over with dh (I use all of those and don't leave the assumption that I can do it if my calendar is free). This keeps me from that immediate guilt/enthusiasm response. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Hijack: OP, I looked at your blog and I LOVE your photography. I agree with all of the PPs. Don't give specifics, just say that it doesn't work for you or you can't commit right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-M- Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 Heidi, you're allowed to say, "No." More, you're allowed to say, "No," without experiencing guilt or regret. The only people we *owe* time are ourselves, our families, and our employers. Anything after that? We get to pick and choose. You have four young children, a busy household that includes a commitment to home education, and a vibrant photography business (if I'm remembering correctly). "No" is an utterly acceptable reply -- no matter who is asking. Do have any time? Is this what you want to do with it? If not, don't. Did the "board fairy" make it over here from the old boards? I'm sure she'd be happy to give you permission, too. (*wry grin*) Best regards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 "No, thank you so much for the opportunity, though!" "Oh, I couldn't possibly do a good job and continue to fulfill all my other responsibilities. You are so kind to think of me! How flattering." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 "That doesn't work for me right now" You can borrow some of my lack of guilt if you need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarrieF Posted June 6, 2011 Share Posted June 6, 2011 In the famous words of my wonderful pastor, "NO is a complete sentence." No need for anything further. Of course, that's easier said than done, but I am finding with practice, it gets easier. :grouphug: Love that! If you feel like being considerate, add a 'thank you' after the no, otherwise just keep it short and simple. :D FWIW: I think that saying 'no' is a gift that some people come by more naturally than others. That isn't to say that if you aren't "gifted in the no" that there is no hope for you! (You just might have to practice more . . . ) It can DEFINITELY be a learned talent . . . I've been teaching my mom and SIL for YEARS and they're FINALLY coming around! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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