Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Ok. We're facing a pretty much certainty that my financial benefits are going to be cut in half for some time...appeals take months to be heard. MIL has conceeded that she's not well enough to travel this summer. Wolf feels an obligation to go visit her. I don't see how, financially, thats going to work. At all. For one, our van can't make that kind of trip. Which means renting a vehicle...to travel to another province. $$. Also means that he'll take at least 2 days off work. $$ lost. In all, btwn lost wages and travel expenses, I can't see how this can be done under $1,000. I just don't see how we'll afford this. Wolf's unhappy with my pointing this out, b/c he feels its unfair to NOT visit his mother. I have no problem with the visit, but affording it. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Are you talking about the whole family going? If that's beyond what you can afford, why not just have your husband go? You've said before that you don't get on with your MIL anyway… if he goes alone, I'm sure there's a cheap(er) way to do it. Greyhound? Catch a ride with someone headed that way? even a flight wouldn't cost him a grand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: That's quite a dilemma. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starwarsmomma Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 we're all having to make difficult decisions. Times are so very tough right now. It's stinks worse than boy feet. :P Seriously, we're in the same boat. Looking at all the things we need to pay on the next paycheck and it's kinda freaking me out. And utilities and groceries and gas keep going up, but our paycheck has gone DOWN by 20%! I keep focusing on God, putting it in HIS hands, and trying (really trying) not to think about it. Maybe his mom will send him gas money or a airplane ticket to come see her-- since she isn't WELL enough to travel, and it's not about finances for her??? Nothing wrong with telling her that you're doing ok, but the cost of travel is EXPENSIVE and not sure ya'll can manage... Oh, and talk about coincodence-- hubby informed me this morning that we are going to his mothers next weekend. Luckilly for us it will only cost us two gas fillups-- but that is $200+!!! OUCH! Even $200 hurts. ALOT. What we could do with that money.... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 The $1,000 includes the time off work. It would be at least 2, if not 3 days off. And I believe its just him going at this point, I don't know to be honest. MIL would rather not see him at all, if she had a choice btwn him and the kids, so I honestly don't know how it would work. She'll throw the hugest hissy if the kids don't go. She pretty much ignores him when she's here, except when he has to pick her up or drop her off. He'd have to rent a car if he flew too, so I don't see that saving money in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 we're all having to make difficult decisions. Times are so very tough right now. It's stinks worse than boy feet. :P Seriously, we're in the same boat. Looking at all the things we need to pay on the next paycheck and it's kinda freaking me out. And utilities and groceries and gas keep going up, but our paycheck has gone DOWN by 20%! I keep focusing on God, putting it in HIS hands, and trying (really trying) not to think about it. Maybe his mom will send him gas money or a airplane ticket to come see her-- since she isn't WELL enough to travel, and it's not about finances for her??? Nothing wrong with telling her that you're doing ok, but the cost of travel is EXPENSIVE and not sure ya'll can manage... Oh, and talk about coincodence-- hubby informed me this morning that we are going to his mothers next weekend. Luckilly for us it will only cost us two gas fillups-- but that is $200+!!! OUCH! Even $200 hurts. ALOT. What we could do with that money.... :( :grouphug: to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flobee76 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Ok. We're facing a pretty much certainty that my financial benefits are going to be cut in half for some time...appeals take months to be heard. MIL has conceeded that she's not well enough to travel this summer. Wolf feels an obligation to go visit her. I don't see how, financially, thats going to work. At all. For one, our van can't make that kind of trip. Which means renting a vehicle...to travel to another province. $$. Also means that he'll take at least 2 days off work. $$ lost. In all, btwn lost wages and travel expenses, I can't see how this can be done under $1,000. I just don't see how we'll afford this. Wolf's unhappy with my pointing this out, b/c he feels its unfair to NOT visit his mother. I have no problem with the visit, but affording it. *sigh* :grouphug: I haven't read the other posts. WE are going thru this same thing. Except... it is going to cost us about $5k to visit DH's family. Ugh. Just ugh. DH's family is in Western NY. They expect us to come visit b/c we live in CA, and people in CA are millionaires. :glare: MIL is not doing well either. DH's siblings have not made the best financial decisions... so... it's up to us now. DH's sibs have kids, ALL much older. WE are the ones with the littles... but are expected to travel. Gee, thanks. I hope you can convince your DH to go by himself. That is what I am trying to do... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: I haven't read the other posts. WE are going thru this same thing. Except... it is going to cost us about $5k to visit DH's family. Ugh. Just ugh. DH's family is in Western NY. They expect us to come visit b/c we live in CA, and people in CA are millionaires. :glare: MIL is not doing well either. DH's siblings have not made the best financial decisions... so... it's up to us now. DH's sibs have kids, ALL much older. WE are the ones with the littles... but are expected to travel. Gee, thanks. I hope you can convince your DH to go by himself. That is what I am trying to do... If he goes alone, I can see this blowing up in his face. MIL isn't shy about letting him know that he's a disappointment, her unhappiness, etc...and she will throw a fit if he shows up alone. :( :grouphug: to you too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twilight Woods Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 were suppose to fly down to FL to visit MIL this October. I dont have the $$$ to fly all of us down and Im not about to drive either. She is ONE person. She could fly up here anytime she wants. She hasn't seen the girls since Paige was 1 [she is 5 now] and Drew is 9 [10 in Aug]. BUT she has a new IPAD AND has flown to CANADA to visit DH's brother/wife and Kids. It's a sore point with me. I dont think were going unless I work extra hours at work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 MIL's health isn't good, we honestly don't want her traveling. So, its genuinely not about that. Its purely about finances, and trying to figure out what to do and how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 He'll have to come to these decisions if your medical care is changed. I'm sorry it's so difficult. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn&charles Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: Sorry you are stuck with this dilemma. I hope a solution presents itself somehow... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
indigomama Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Since she's not able to come to visit you guys due to health and not finances, could she put in part of the money for the trip? Perhaps what it would have cost her to come out for a visit? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britomart Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I don't know what public transportation is like in Canada, but down here I'd be considering a train or a bus ride . . . esp. b/c if he could go at night and sleep through the ride, and that might help with the time thing too. Sorry you're facing such a no-win situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) Your husband has to do what he needs/wants to do. I would consider taking yourself right out of the equation. He's an adult, and that means dealing with his mother. We all have to deal with our own parents. I don't expect my dh manage my mother for me. That 's my own problem. :D if he think he has the money to go, he'll figure it out, or pay it back later. I think you don't need to worry about this...it's 1000$ but it's probably not going to have you living in a car. Let it go and leave it to him. I keep trying to say this gently, and I guess it s not going well. Understand I am not trying to be snotty, just direct. Okay. :) Edited June 1, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I don't know what public transportation is like in Canada, but down here I'd be considering a train or a bus ride . . . esp. b/c if he could go at night and sleep through the ride, and that might help with the time thing too. Sorry you're facing such a no-win situation. :iagree: And is there any chance he could hitch a ride with someone else headed in that direction? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Your husband has to do what he needs/wants to do. I would consider taking yourself right out of the equation. He's an adult, and that means dealing with his mother. We all have to deal with our own parents. I don't expect my dh manage my mother for me. That 's my own problem. :D if he think he has the money to go, he'll figure it out, or pay it back later. I think you don't need to worry about this...it's 1000$ but it's probably not going to have you living in a car. Let it go and leave it to him. I keep trying to say this gently, and I guess it s not going well. Understand I am not trying to be snotty, just direct. Okay. :) I'm the one that does the budgeting, bill paying for the family, so it is on me to try and juggle it somehow. I'll suggest greyhound...looking at the site, though, its over 20 hrs via greyhound. Ick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susann Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Since she's not able to come to visit you guys due to health and not finances, could she put in part of the money for the trip? Perhaps what it would have cost her to come out for a visit? :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 I honestly don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EJCMom Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Do you have anything of value that you could sell? We were in a situation once where our savings was gone and we needed to come up with $600 within a week, and we sold some exercise equipment that we hadn't used in months and some tools of my DH's that were practically brand new, but that he didn't figure he'd be using anytime in the upcoming six months. Maybe if you look around you might find something of value that you don't need or use anymore that you could sell to help offset the cost? :grouphug: I know it's so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmasmommy Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: Family and money issues. They suck seperately but put them together and you've got a lethal combo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: DH's sibs have kids, ALL much older. WE are the ones with the littles... but are expected to travel. Gee, thanks. Yeah, why is that??? My family is like that too! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrjoy Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Oh, I'm so sorry! Just wanted to let you know I feel badly, and hope something can work out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Well, I'd tell my dh that $1000+ for 2-3 days is just too much. I truly don't see how it is worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 Well, I'd tell my dh that $1000+ for 2-3 days is just too much. I truly don't see how it is worth it. It would be a 5 day trip. 2-3 days off work, and the wknd. We don't have anything to sell that we don't need. Heck, even if we sold stuff we *do* need, our house is done in Early Poverty. None of it is worth diddly :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well, I'd tell my dh that $1000+ for 2-3 days is just too much. I truly don't see how it is worth it. :iagree: And your MIL's track record with behaviour wouldn't exactly encourage me, either. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
silliness7 Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Since she's not able to come to visit you guys due to health and not finances, could she put in part of the money for the trip? Perhaps what it would have cost her to come out for a visit?:iagree: Maybe if you told her you'd all get to come if she helped with the $$ and she'd get to see the kids or is that out because of work situation? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 MIL isn't shy about letting him know that he's a disappointment, her unhappiness, etc.... Honestly, Imp... I think that right there is your reason not to spend the $$ on the trip. It isn't worth the $$, nor the stress, nor the hurt. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 If he goes alone, I can see this blowing up in his face. MIL isn't shy about letting him know that he's a disappointment, her unhappiness, etc...and she will throw a fit if he shows up alone. :( Okay wait, why is he even considering this trip? Does he enjoy that sort of treatment? :confused: [i assume not] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Honestly, Imp... I think that right there is your reason not to spend the $$ on the trip. It isn't worth the $$, nor the stress, nor the hurt. :grouphug: Okay wait, why is he even considering this trip? Does he enjoy that sort of treatment? :confused: [i assume not] :iagree:I don't get at all why you would so put yourselves out to have a relationship with this woman. Your husband's obligation is now to you and your children, not to her. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Honestly, Imp... I think that right there is your reason not to spend the $$ on the trip. It isn't worth the $$, nor the stress, nor the hurt. :grouphug: Okay wait, why is he even considering this trip? Does he enjoy that sort of treatment? :confused: [i assume not] How do I explain my husband. Its not about how she treats him. Its about what he needs to do to be ok with the man in the mirror. She's in her 80s. Her health is failing. Not going to see her would bother *him*, leave him feeling like he didn't do what he needed to. We talked more about it last night. At this point, he's thinking about going in Sept now. He used up his vacation time when he had dental surgery, so it will give him time to accrue some more days, and prevent us from taking that particular hit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well that stinks, but her guilting her son and causing stress in his marriage....isn't something a loving mom should dish out. "We can't afford it, we love you...send money or zip your lips." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well that stinks, but her guilting her son and causing stress in his marriage....isn't something a loving mom should dish out. "We can't afford it, we love you...send money or zip your lips." *snort* Who said anything about her being a 'loving mom'? She adopted him so she would have someone to take care of her when she was elderly. Yes, she's said that. Flat out. I'm just supporting him in whatever he needs to do to be ok with himself. Not about her for me, completely about him. The positive of all this is, she's not forcing herself on anyone for 6 wks this summer. *whew* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well then, there is your bright side; she sounds lovely btw. *snort* Who said anything about her being a 'loving mom'? She adopted him so she would have someone to take care of her when she was elderly. Yes, she's said that. Flat out. I'm just supporting him in whatever he needs to do to be ok with himself. Not about her for me, completely about him. The positive of all this is, she's not forcing herself on anyone for 6 wks this summer. *whew*[/B] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 2, 2011 Author Share Posted June 2, 2011 Well then, there is your bright side; she sounds lovely btw. Oh, I know. She's just a peach. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.