Eleni Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 That he wants to continue on with school next year because he feels he learns more there than he did when he was HS'd. I nearly started crying. I pointed out to him that he wasn't behind when he started school, that he is very interested in learning and is engaged during class and doesn't zone out like his classmates, that his brother had a near perfect score on the 3rd grade reading test he took within the first few weeks of school, and that was because of how they learned when HSing. I also told him that HSing just looks different than PS. Part of me was pretty angry too. For the five years we homeschooled, even through the time when my mom had cancer, and even after she died, and then when I finally started back to school myself, his education was the VERY first thought in my head. Some days, after fighting with him to do assignments (because he would fight me- I pointed that out to him too) I would cry and feel like a huge failure. He is a kid, a nearly 11 yo kid, and he is going to have a very different perspective...but man, that really hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tress Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I'm so sorry, that does hurt :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 You have a very bright boy.....he probably wants to go to ps right now for the 'socialization' and he figured out what button to push to get you to agree to it. I'd make it my mission to make sure that kid was so challenged by his homeschool curriculum that he begged me to back off. But I am just mean like that........:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I understand why your feelings would be hurt. Could you possibly use his comment and involve him more in planning his homeschool year? If he actually wants more work than what he had before, if you involve him you can remind him when/if he fights you that he had input. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: 11 year old boys are not particularly tactful. Try not to take it so personally. Think of it this way... if you hadn't HSed him, at this point he would hate school, be bored, and dread every minute of it. He probably would learn very little, IMHO. Be happy that he was happy. You have done a great job. Maybe he won't be able to appreciate it now, but you know in your bones that you did the right thing, right? That he learned lot? That you were all happy, etc? His experience might have been very different if he had a bad teacher or other complications. You should both be happy that he had a good time and learned a lot. I agree with the other poster, involve him as much as you can in the planning. Also, try to arrange a lot of playdates with friends from school, if you dare. Edited June 1, 2011 by radiobrain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :glare: Yikes! I can't stand it when kids say stuff like that! I agree that it might have been a button-pushing thing or just a "ps is a new environment and I'm trying to soak it in" comment. Who knows. If you are going to homeschool in the fall, I would beef it up. Also, I would sit down with him and go over curriculum options and add an interest-led category. Is there a specific subject he's interested in and can do some special projects on his own? I've started to do this with my 4th grader and 3rd grader and they were very excited. My 4th grader was all over the internet googling cow eyeball dissection kits. My 3rd grader is going to "design bridges" :glare:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: I bet it is the button pushing thing. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: 11 year old boys are not particularly tactful. :lol: My son looked at my wedding picture recently and said, "Mom! You were soooo beautiful before you had kids!" :glare: Um, thanks. :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 They just don't understand. My son sure doesn't want to go to school, but he did tell me how smart he would be if one of my friends was his mother instead. Fortunately, my friend told him that she would never have paid for all of the camps and private lessons we get for him. He actually had the nerve to criticize the job I have done homeschooling him, because he is such a self-motivated learner. I asked him if he is confident that he can find information to teach himself anything he is interested in learning? "Yes, but isn't that something adults should have to do-not children?" Then he starts going on about his worldview class, and how all of the other students are so much better educated than he is. He makes a point of mentioning that they come from large families, and yet they are so devout and well-prepared because their mothers make them their first priority. Fortunately, my daughter has the same teacher she said, "That's odd, because he gave me this pamphlet, and told me that he very rarely has students who he feels are prepared to go to this college, but he thinks I'd do well there if I'm interested, and you know we both go to the same homeschool. What could the difference be between your education and mine?" I tried to talk to him objectively, and asked him if he had ever heard of unschooling, because there are people who strive to achieve the learning environment that I've provided for him. He said, "Oh, yeah, I listened to this fabulous podcast on unschooling while I was washing the dishes." Then he proceeded to talk about different studies about education in varying countries. Too bad I've done such a bad job with him, huh? The biggest problem is that he has only ever been in our family, and he lacks the perspective to see it objectively as I believe he will when he grows up. I ended the conversation by telling him hat I had a goal of raising well-rounded, hardworking, self-motivated humans, so I'm happy with how he has turned out even if he isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosyl Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: I think it is an 11/12 year old thing. and for that you need more:grouphug: I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: 11 year old boys are not particularly tactful. Frankly 11-13 is a tough, snarky age. It does get better... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbaby Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Ouch. That would definitely hurt:grouphug: However, kids are smart. I am sure he is well aware how much his education means to you. Therefore, what better way to get his way than by emphasizing education. Sounds to me like he just really enjoyed his time with friends at PS and thought about a way to get you on board with the idea of him returning. That said, it still hurts:(. He's young....they don't always think about the repercussions of their words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 My son has said the same to me this year now that he is year 10 at school after homeschooling for 7.5 years. He told me he feels he learns more at school. Truthfully, I am happy and not too surprised- and nor do I totally believe him! For starters- he wouldn't work for me very well at home. He didn't feel motivated and he would always be trying to get out of work- lots of resistance. He was not a diligent student for me but he also had difficulties- LDs- which we largely overcame after years of hard work on my part! So he turned up to school able to read at an adult level and able to write essays. He knew reams of history and it's his best subject at school. I take some credit for the fact he IS doing ok at school- and he's not doing so brilliantly in the areas he really struggled with at home- maths and science- but he is not a maths/science kid. And who would have thought he would be a literate kid when he was so dyslexic and late blooming! I know he is getting a lot out of class discussions (because he has a high verbal intelligence, if there is such a thing!), and from having different teachers with their different personalities- especially the men. The structure of school is suiting him more than homeschooling, even though I was structured. He needed more. AND he has stopped reading for pleasure. He probably doesn't count that as "learning" any more. He would read a LOT each day with homeschooling (and he loved it) but at school, he can get away without reading much at all. So when he says he is learning more at school- I don't necessarily believe it- its just that he has more worksheets to prove it- and he is learning things that are new to him. All the history and literature he has read is in his brain somewhere, and it has helped him form who he is- even if he doesn't recognise it yet. But when he tells me I just smile and nod and I say I am so glad he is learning and I hope he does well so he can fulfil his dreams in life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug:He's a 10/11 year-old, little boy; I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings...But I understand.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 Was he in 5th grade this year? Maybe he really DID learn more - simply because 5th grade can be quite a jump up from 4th. Maybe to him, it seems like what he did at home was "baby stuff." Well, it was in a way, because he was younger! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 I think it is a perspective thing as well. My DS went back to 8th this year - the verdict still isn't in.... They do learn a lot of "stuff". in fact - they probably get through more math (because they don't spend the time we do on it making sure there is a deeper understanding). They learn more science facts - perhaps bounce around through more subjects- because we spend a lot of time on one thing and go very in-depth. Language arts - well I know they learn more grammar.... I'm horrible at it and have never made the technicalities a priority (although I do insist on it in form and function). So - it may actually seem that they learned more - but it is just a different method. It is difficult to teach a subject as in depth at a PS as we can at home, and they tend to skim over the surface of many things. It is also difficult to teach critical thinking skills to 25 kids who all think in different ways. To me - especially before high school - PS was not a place to learn to think and to learn to learn, it was a place to learn facts. I don't think that either method is inherently right or wrong. I prefer the in depth method myself - but obviously I am not so opposed to the other, because I allowed my son to return to the other :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 He said, "Oh, yeah, I listened to this fabulous podcast on unschooling while I was washing the dishes." Then he proceeded to talk about different studies about education in varying countries. Too bad I've done such a bad job with him, huh? :lol: Too funny! And I think all kids are quick to criticize their own parents. It's a stage everyone goes through, and I think it's more about trying to assert himself as his own separate person than to discount the work you've done & what he's actually learned. I also agree with the PP who said we'd get so rigorous he'd be begging to learn less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug: That would hurt me, too. In terms of quantity, it's quite possible that your son is learning "more" in school. After all, they're sitting in desks for like 7-8 hours a day; you have to provide a lot of content to fill that time. That doesn't mean he was actually learning better, though, you know? I'm sure I learned quite a bit in middle school; after all, I was there for 7-1/2 hours each day, and teachers were telling me things. We covered a lot of ground, I think. But I honestly can't remember any of what I learned during that period, and I'm not sure I actually became a more skilled student or thinker during that time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 It's him being a preteen/teen boy. Seriously. My oldest did what most others do...he wouldn't tow the line at home. I finally put him in a well known private school in the area. Boy, he's realised just how dumbed down his peers are. He loved his instructors and they would be the only reason he wants to continue. However, money is an issue, so he is coming home for cyber school (so he gets a bit of both). He has realised how good he had it at home though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brightside Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 You have a very bright boy.....he probably wants to go to ps right now for the 'socialization' and he figured out what button to push to get you to agree to it. I'd make it my mission to make sure that kid was so challenged by his homeschool curriculum that he begged me to back off. But I am just mean like that........:D :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 TThe biggest problem is that he has only ever been in our family, and he lacks the perspective to see it objectively as I believe he will when he grows up. . yes this. my dd has said all sorts of ugly things to me about our choice and how regular school is all sunshine and rainbows.... I am sorry he hurt your feelings though. I've called my dh bawling a few times because of these types of statements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eleni Posted June 1, 2011 Author Share Posted June 1, 2011 THank you. I feel better now. :grouphug: When he said it, even though he is a kid, it felt like a slap in the face. I stayed calm and explained things and we cleared it up, but the hurt stayed with me. He is highly extroverted and we live on a farm with only older people as our close-ish neighbors. He really likes being parts of clubs at school and starting clubs, the sense of camaraderie he gets with the friends he has made. His teacher loves him and how willing he is to ask questions. The kid even LOVES homework, and he does it first thing when he gets home. When we homeschooled I think he argued more than worked. I want them home for next school year because PS was just a temporary thing so I could get my head together after a horrible emotionally stressful 2 years with taking care of my mom who had leukemia and grieving her death. OUr school district is one of the top in the country and I am reasonably happy with the academics, though it surely isn't perfect. Dh thinks we should do a trial run of HSing over the summer with him and then see where we are all at by August. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MusicMama Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 He may not have the vocabulary or understanding to properly express what he is feeling. When I graduated from homeschool, my mother had obviously done a fantastic job, I had loads of scholarships. However, I felt better in a more structured environment than I had been in. College was very mind opening, I loved the schedules, the regular tests etc. Maybe that is what he craves? He might function better in the more regimented ps environment, and translate that as learning more, even when he gets better academic attention at home. Just a thought. Sorry your feelings were (understandably!) hurt. Hope you both come to a peaceful resolution. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 ohh ow. :grouphug: What does your Dh say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 He may not have the vocabulary or understanding to properly express what he is feeling. When I graduated from homeschool, my mother had obviously done a fantastic job, I had loads of scholarships. However, I felt better in a more structured environment than I had been in. College was very mind opening, I loved the schedules, the regular tests etc. Maybe that is what he craves? He might function better in the more regimented ps environment, and translate that as learning more, even when he gets better academic attention at home. Just a thought. Sorry your feelings were (understandably!) hurt. Hope you both come to a peaceful resolution. :grouphug: That's an incredible insight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 You have a very bright boy.....he probably wants to go to ps right now for the 'socialization' and he figured out what button to push to get you to agree to it. I'd make it my mission to make sure that kid was so challenged by his homeschool curriculum that he begged me to back off. But I am just mean like that........:D Ha! Now there's some wisdom for ya, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted June 1, 2011 Share Posted June 1, 2011 :grouphug:ouch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 I'd make it my mission to make sure that kid was so challenged by his homeschool curriculum that he begged me to back off. But I am just mean like that........:D :D :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 Maybe try some new adventures. He's just a child and doesn't really know what is best for himself. As a parent we can make better choices for them. I remember when my son was in private school in kindergarten and he was being bullied by a few of the kids and I asked him if he wanted to switch classes or stay in that one as he had been in the class for half a year. He told me he wanted to stay. I should have never asked him what he wanted! The second part of the year was even worse and he felt so bad about himself by the end of the year. I agree with the others...let him help in the planning and see if there are some new things you all could try this coming year..... when he gets to middle school he could always do PS sports. I'd find a new sport to try, a co-op, and/or 4-H. We geocache for family fun outings. http://www.geocaching.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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