Gearing Up For A Breakdown

[Impish]

First, apologies to the moderator for the other thread.

 

Ok.

 

In a nutshell, my house is a complete disaster. There isn't a single room thats clean. Btwn RSD, IBS flare ups, stress, depression, I've done diddly in wks.

 

Working 'under' my pain levels is like being nibbled to death by ducks. No real differences.

 

Wolf suggested hiring cleaners this am. That would be lovely...WCB was supposed to provide that TWO YEARS AGO. We don't have $200/wk to get the help out of our pockets.

 

So, I'm gearing up to push things. I can't handle the chaos anymore. Its not fair to my family. I also know that by the time Wolf gets home, I'll be grey and trembling. It doesn't take much, and frankly, I'm still not settled down to normal from the exam on Friday. I just don't know what else to do.

 

Wolf's going to be upset that I've pushed things...but I just can't handle this anymore.

 

To top it off, we have our first brand new bed being delivered next wk, which means our always neglected disaster area of a bedroom needs to be ripped apart, organized, rearranged.

 

*sigh*

[Danestress]

I don't understand why you would spend the day doing things that will leave you in pain and also potentially back up those who would say you CAN do those things. Aren't you right in the middle of trying to establish that you really can't do those things? This probably isn't a good time to prove them right and then still be in a world of hurt AND have an angry husband to deal with.

 

It shouldn't take $200 a week to have someone clean. Why don't you find a teenager who can help for less? Between able bodied 12 and 6 year olds, a paid non-professional cleaner, and a Mom who can give instructions but not actually do the work, you can improve the situation.

 

I realize that this is not a permanent solution, and next week you may have the same problem, but it would get you through a possible breakdown this week. You don't need a marital squabble AND unbearable pain right now.

[CalicoKat]

First, apologies to the moderator for the other thread.

 

Ok.

 

In a nutshell, my house is a complete disaster. There isn't a single room thats clean. Btwn RSD, IBS flare ups, stress, depression, I've done diddly in wks.

 

Working 'under' my pain levels is like being nibbled to death by ducks. No real differences.

 

Wolf suggested hiring cleaners this am. That would be lovely...WCB was supposed to provide that TWO YEARS AGO. We don't have $200/wk to get the help out of our pockets.

 

So, I'm gearing up to push things. I can't handle the chaos anymore. Its not fair to my family. I also know that by the time Wolf gets home, I'll be grey and trembling. It doesn't take much, and frankly, I'm still not settled down to normal from the exam on Friday. I just don't know what else to do.

 

Wolf's going to be upset that I've pushed things...but I just can't handle this anymore.

 

To top it off, we have our first brand new bed being delivered next wk, which means our always neglected disaster area of a bedroom needs to be ripped apart, organized, rearranged.

 

*sigh*

 

:grouphug:

[Impish]

It doesn't take much, at all, to cause a flare up. Sitting in this disaster has me on the brink of tears.

 

I just can't hack it anymore.

 

The $200 is the quote I received from the cleaning service that works for WCB.

 

I hear what you're swaying, and I'll look on kijiji and see if I can find someone...but today, something needs to happen. I feel like my sanity can't take this anymore.

[MamaT]

I don't understand why you would spend the day doing things that will leave you in pain and also potentially back up those who would say you CAN do those things. Aren't you right in the middle of trying to establish that you really can't do those things? This probably isn't a good time to prove them right and then still be in a world of hurt AND have an angry husband to deal with.

 

It shouldn't take $200 a week to have someone clean. Why don't you find a teenager who can help for less? Between able bodied 12 and 6 year olds, a paid non-professional cleaner, and a Mom who can give instructions but not actually do the work, you can improve the situation.

 

I realize that this is not a permanent solution, and next week you may have the same problem, but it would get you through a possible breakdown this week. You don't need a marital squabble AND unbearable pain right now.

 

:iagree: You need to listen to this great advice, Imp. Hire a teenager to clean and sit in a chair and tell them exactly what you want done.

[MamaT]

Just wanted to add - I wish I was close enough to come, bring my four kids and handle it for you. :grouphug:

[Carol in Cal.]

You can choose to be sane in the middle of this, and you should. Don't let anxiety pull you into foolishness. You can maintain. It's just for a couple more days. I'm praying for you.

[Remudamom]

I understand where you're coming from. When my arthritis was off the charts, and I could barely walk, couldn't do anything for myself and the kids were little I thought I would go insane not being able to keep things in order. So I pushed, hurt, ached and cleaned as much as I could. And I was glad I did it. You know what you can take.

 

If you're going to push through do the kitchen, then quit.

[5forMe]

You can choose to be sane in the middle of this, and you should. Don't let anxiety pull you into foolishness. You can maintain. It's just for a couple more days.

 

Sometimes when life completely overwhelms me, I have to force myself to DECIDE to move through it and get over the hump. Sometimes that is as simple as taking a few deep breaths and force a smile on my face.

 

Also, I find that when my house is a disaster and I feel hopeless, I just start with something small, like picking up the bucket of blocks in the middle of the floor. Then I move to the pile of books that needs to go on the shelf. Then to the couch cushions that need to be put back on the couch and straightened. Usually just three things as simple as that gives me the motivation and energy to do more. And before you know it that room is tidy and ready for the vacuum, which your 12 year old could do. I also agree that an able bodied 6 and 12 year old can be tremendous helpers with some guidance.

 

I am sorry you are having a rough time. I hope it gets better soon.

[Impish]

Doing anything but sitting on my fat rump is 'pushing it' right now. I'm not talking about insanity...except moving is insane right now.

 

I just can't handle sitting, doing nothing today. That's why its 'pushing it'.

[Aubrey]

I LOVE helping other people clean their houses (just not my own, lol)--I wish I were close to you.

 

I completely understand not being able to take the chaos. I don't know your pain--so--if the following is totally off-base, ignore me & just: :grouphug:

 

Can you sit on the bed/sofa & direct your children? Have them get a laundry basket & gather *everything* in one room (maybe your bedroom?) into that basket. Use 2-3 if you need to. Anything they *know* where goes should be put away instead of into the basket.

 

Then? Worst-case scenario, shove the baskets into your closet/garage. (I mean, have the kids do that.) If you can handle more, have them get 2-3 things at a time out of a basket, bring it to you, & you tell them where it goes. I know that's harder than it sounds, because half the time, you want to break down & cry because you have no idea where it goes.

 

Easy. Start a new basket for things you need to think about. You'll get a bunch of stuff put away. At some point, you'll think of a good place for some of the other stuff. And in the end, you might get the clutter down to just one basket.

 

Then ask Wolf to help you w/ the scary basket--maybe on the weekend. Dh has really annoying ideas of what to do w/ that stuff, which generally inspires me to finally think of something better. Or? I give in & say, sure--take it to the garage/other strange place. I don't have to look at it. :D

 

You'll still need one of them to change your sheets & vacuum, but it will *feel* better. Then do another room another day.

 

:grouphug:

[Hedgehog]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

You know what you can handle, mentally and physically. Just take breaks. And reward yourself for achievements, however small. :001_smile:

[Denisemomof4]

first of all, if you hire help, you need to hire help to get rid of half of what you have. If it can't be kept clean, it shouldn't be in the house. I know you're hoping to move into a bigger place but still, it's going to be a bigger place to clean. The less you have, the more you can keep clean.

 

Your kids are old enough to help out, even the four year old. They should have daily chores to help. I know you don't want to throw much on your kids due to your disability, but it's not good for them to live in that type of environment either. I'm just going by what you say. I have no idea what it actually looks like! Before my head injury I used to have DAILY pick-up times and EVERYONE took part in that. The rule was that it didn't matter who the item belonged to, it was to be put in it's proper place. PERIOD. We didn't rest or enjoy our day until this was done. Then dad got to walk into a clean house after being away working all day.

 

I would suggest something different for starters. Instead of cleaning up, have the hired help or kids help you out. First step - get those huge black construction trash bags. Load bags with things to get rid of and all the other stuff, just throw in the bags. Then once the entire house is picked up, clean a room at a time, at a pace where you AND the kids can do it without causing injury, or again have the hired help do it. You can go through the bags one at a time, putting items in their proper place or directing the kids to do so.

 

I know this is very frustrating for you and Wolf both, but getting frustrated and fighting is only going to make things worse. Your predicament is what it is and it's not going to change so it's time to do what you can to make it better. Try to come up with a solution to keep the house in shape, one that incorporates EVERYONE in the family, not just YOU!

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

BTW, I took dd8 to a farm on Tuesday. It was in a town called Candia. She said, "Isn't this where your friend lives?" It took me a minute but then I said, "Yes!" She replied, "Wow! I didn't realize Canada was so close to us!":lol::lol::lol: ETA: I wasn't clear. I do have one friend in Candia but she was actually referring to YOU in CANADA.

Edited May 5, 2011 by Denisemomof4

[Impish]

Stuffing things in my closet is going to have to happen, b/c I just got a call...bed is now coming on Sat. Oy.

 

I'm off to get started. Our hsing room is the worst. If I can even clear a path through it, that will be something. And the bathroom.

 

As far as the pain...easiest way to explain RSD is that the nerves in my arm constantly shriek that its broken, mangled, crushed. Constantly. Its not a matter of 'if' I hurt, but how badly.

 

I'm tired of feeling useless, incompetant, that I'm letting everyone down. I want some measure of control over my life.

[Impish]

BTW, I took dd8 to a farm on Tuesday. It was in a town called Candia. She said, "Isn't this where your friend lives?" It took me a minute but then I said, "Yes!" She replied, "Wow! I didn't realize Canada was so close to us!":lol::lol::lol:

:lol:

[Aubrey]

Stuffing things in my closet is going to have to happen, b/c I just got a call...bed is now coming on Sat. Oy.

 

I'm off to get started. Our hsing room is the worst. If I can even clear a path through it, that will be something. And the bathroom.

 

As far as the pain...easiest way to explain RSD is that the nerves in my arm constantly shriek that its broken, mangled, crushed. Constantly. Its not a matter of 'if' I hurt, but how badly.

 

I'm tired of feeling useless, incompetant, that I'm letting everyone down. I want some measure of control over my life.

 

I didn't see your other thread, & I'm about as far away as I can be, but if there's anything--ANYTHING--I can do, I really want to help. Post pics if you like, & we can help you decide what to do w/ stuff. Or post what *the kids* have gotten done (everyone will be happier), & we'll tell them how awesome they are.

 

Really--anything. :grouphug: And laundry baskets are awesome. ;)

[serene]

just :grouphug:.

 

sometimes it's just sooo hard.

[Shellers]

I'm in Northern California and have a cleaning lady come twice a month. She only charges me $120 a month! She cleans a lot too - kitchen (or master bedroom), dinning room, living room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, and the hall. She's here 3-4 hours a visit.

 

I found her by asking around. She's been working for me for over six years now.

[fairfarmhand]

I didn't see your other thread, & I'm about as far away as I can be, but if there's anything--ANYTHING--I can do, I really want to help. Post pics if you like, & we can help you decide what to do w/ stuff. Or post what *the kids* have gotten done (everyone will be happier), & we'll tell them how awesome they are.

 

Really--anything. :grouphug: And laundry baskets are awesome. ;)

yes!!! this!

[Kim in Appalachia]

Please don't cause yourself more pain. :grouphug:

 

Sit down and give directions to your kids. Have them do everything! Your oldest is 12? Please let the kids do what they can with your directions.

 

And please, even if it's only 1 time, hire someone to come clean for you.

 

:grouphug: I know you are frustrated, tired, and in pain. I wish I could do more then give you a cyber hug.

[Mejane]

When I had Lyme, I sat (or laid) around for a month and watched everything turn to crap around me. Dh cooked and dd kept up the laundry, but no one cleaned and it got pretty gross around here. I made myself get up for just a few minutes a day and do some little thing. Yes, it exhausted me, but it also made me feel better in a way - like I wasn't letting the illness beat me.

 

Do what you can reasonably do, enough that you feel accomplished but not so much that you set yourself back. That's totally not worth it. And, yeah, get those kids involved!

[5LittleMonkeys]

Oh my gosh don't do all that work yourself!:grouphug: Don't you have friends around you who could come and help? Organize an emergency party tonight or tomorrow night. Offer pizza and beer (or whatever beverage might entice them) break everyone into teams, give each team a room with a paper telling them what needs to be done in that room. Ask those coming to stop by your local grocery store and grab up some cardboard boxes and someone needs to get a roll of boxing tape. You sit down somewhere and as people bring things to you have your dc place them into different boxes. ( Mark the boxes trash, donate, keep packed, and find a home for.)

 

If you want some control in your life then take it but that doesn't mean that you need to be the one doing the physical work. Facilitate, organize, delegate! :grouphug: I wish I were close too, I'd come help you. :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

what about doing one room at a time, focusing on the common areas of the house first, and then the bedrooms. (yours comes first!)

 

I have found that if I get the kids to declutter stuff, then the cleaning part is not so bad.

[ktgrok]

pay the 12 and 6 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sun]

I LOVE helping other people clean their houses (just not my own, lol)--I wish I were close to you.

 

I completely understand not being able to take the chaos. I don't know your pain--so--if the following is totally off-base, ignore me & just: :grouphug:

 

Can you sit on the bed/sofa & direct your children? Have them get a laundry basket & gather *everything* in one room (maybe your bedroom?) into that basket. Use 2-3 if you need to. Anything they *know* where goes should be put away instead of into the basket.

 

Then? Worst-case scenario, shove the baskets into your closet/garage. (I mean, have the kids do that.) If you can handle more, have them get 2-3 things at a time out of a basket, bring it to you, & you tell them where it goes. I know that's harder than it sounds, because half the time, you want to break down & cry because you have no idea where it goes.

 

Easy. Start a new basket for things you need to think about. You'll get a bunch of stuff put away. At some point, you'll think of a good place for some of the other stuff. And in the end, you might get the clutter down to just one basket.

 

Then ask Wolf to help you w/ the scary basket--maybe on the weekend. Dh has really annoying ideas of what to do w/ that stuff, which generally inspires me to finally think of something better. Or? I give in & say, sure--take it to the garage/other strange place. I don't have to look at it. :D

 

You'll still need one of them to change your sheets & vacuum, but it will *feel* better. Then do another room another day.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

First, :grouphug:. I wish I lived near you to come help. I actually looked at your blog to see if you did, but no...

 

Second, :iagree: Your kids are old enough to pick up items on your direction and put them in the appropriate bag or box. I use three--garbage, recycling, and donate. Some people do yard sale, but at this point in my life, that's more work than I'm up for. For your situation, I'd add an extra one or two--definitely a "put-away" bag for things that have/need a home someplace else in the house and probably also a "decide-later" bag for things you and/or Wolf need to think about.

 

Can you lie on the couch and ask your children to hold up items off of all the surfaces in the room while you just direct them where to put them? Just clearing the clutter out of one room will probably make you feel loads better, plus it makes it easier for cleaners to clean.

 

Perhaps you could do one room or section of a room this way each day for a while. PLEASE don't hurt yourself trying to do more than you should. If the above method is too much, can you contact your church for help or hire a teenager to come and help you sort?

 

:grouphug: You have to take care of yourself, and I understand the need to get something done, even at the risk of harming yourself. But, please be careful to not do too much! Your family needs you, and they don't need extra worry about you hurting yourself unnecessarily.

[elfgivas]

:grouphug:

 

wish i were closer....

 

fwiw, from way down here in california, it seems as if passing on the school room would be a good idea right now.

 

just focus on the path from the front door to the bedroom, so that the bed can be delivered safely.

 

then, you can work on the bedroom.

 

mostly, delivery people couldn't care less as long as its safe, and the spot they need to work is clean.

 

you could set the timer for 15 minutes, and see how much the dc can pick up in the front hall, on the stairs, etc. then reward with 45 minutes of free time. next hour, repeat. if you can afford it, tell them that if the area is clean-ish by lunch time, you'll order pizza.

 

hope you feel better really soon.

ann

[Impish]

The kids do help...in fact, they're folding an putting away laundry right now. I'm already taking a break.

 

Its hard too, b/c its not like I'm setting a good example for them, kwim? Mom barely gets off her butt isn't very inspiring.

 

At this point, I'm shoving all surplus hsing materials into boxes. And have a big garbage bag going.

 

And hating that its gotten this bad.

 

I swear the emotional carp that comes with chronic pain is worse than the pain itself. My house was MY domain, da*n it. I took a great deal of satisfaction and pride from it...and now, its a source of pain and depression, everywhere I turn I'm slapped in the face with what I can't do.

 

I need to shove that emotional garbage aside and just do every day something, instead of wallowing.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Imp - it doesn't have to happen all today. The bedroom is a priority because of the bed coming. If there physcially isn't a path for movers to bring the bed through the house, that too is a priority. The kids can clear a path. If you're going to push, fine, but do it only on the spot where it truly is a priority. (Says Jean, who actually had cleaners come and shake their heads and cluck disapprovingly when they came by to give an estimate.)

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I can't even imagine...I just about went nuts a couple weeks ago when I hurt my wrists and couldn't do anything...just can't imagine how you deal with this.

 

I know your in a panic to get things cleaned up immediately but please look into getting someone to come in atleast 2 times a month to clean. If you have lots of clutter in your home I would still consider at some point having a de-cluttering party where your friends come in and help you get your home organized.

 

Please take it easy.

[Canadianmumof5]

Sorry I am still new to these boards so I don't know how to do the personal message thingy.......are you close to Toronto?? If so - I would be glad to come and help.....truly I would. I'm a bit of an organizing freak myself ;)

[Susan C.]

Get your three kids to straighten up one room for you and stay there! Call it the sanity area. I don't know your background, but I had thyroid troubles (I couldn't do anything but sit) when the kids were little, and it was literally six months without much house cleaning. We did have a babysitter that came once a week and she straightened up for us, then someone would grab the vacuum while the floor was clean.

 

When the crunch is over, take one room at a time, do as much as you can (even if it is a small amount) and even if it takes a month (or more) slowly go through your house. It will get better, slow and steady does get you there!

 

OK, I just saw the RSD. Pain is so hard to deal with. ((hugs)) I also had back troubles for several years, and I'm sure it doesn't even compare to what you are dealing with. I'm sure your kids understand that you are not lazy. Mine were happy to help me when I needed it, so don't feel guilty asking them to do housework. I don't understand how RSD works, but I am the great experimenter. I would do a certain small amount of work, wait overnight to see if the amount of work made it worse, ok it didn't, a little more, etc. That way I would know what my true limits were so I wouldn't go past them. Or if I hurt no matter what I did, and if light housework didn't make things worse, if I was physically able, I would schedule the heck out of myself and family and try to tackle it.

Edited May 5, 2011 by Susan C.
added

[AngelBee]

Stuffing things in my closet is going to have to happen, b/c I just got a call...bed is now coming on Sat. Oy.

 

I'm off to get started. Our hsing room is the worst. If I can even clear a path through it, that will be something. And the bathroom.

 

As far as the pain...easiest way to explain RSD is that the nerves in my arm constantly shriek that its broken, mangled, crushed. Constantly. Its not a matter of 'if' I hurt, but how badly.

 

I'm tired of feeling useless, incompetant, that I'm letting everyone down. I want some measure of control over my life.

:grouphug:

[Gratia271]

The kids do help...in fact, they're folding an putting away laundry right now. I'm already taking a break.

 

Its hard too, b/c its not like I'm setting a good example for them, kwim? Mom barely gets off her butt isn't very inspiring.

 

At this point, I'm shoving all surplus hsing materials into boxes. And have a big garbage bag going.

 

And hating that its gotten this bad.

 

I swear the emotional carp that comes with chronic pain is worse than the pain itself. My house was MY domain, da*n it. I took a great deal of satisfaction and pride from it...and now, its a source of pain and depression, everywhere I turn I'm slapped in the face with what I can't do.

 

I need to shove that emotional garbage aside and just do every day something, instead of wallowing.

:grouphug::grouphug: I wish I could help but live nowhere near you. I am continuing to pray for you .......... these days I wonder if it works. :confused:

[Kalmia]

As long as the delivery people can safely walk up the stairs and into the room without tripping, don't give another thought to what they think. I am sure they have seen far worse things than a mess! Dh and kids should be able to make this safe corridor, then you won't have this "deadline" hanging over you.

 

Cleaning services are much more expensive (and do a worse job) than cleaning people. You need someone who will pick up too (I don't think cleaning services do this) so it will have to be an independent cleaning person. Ask everyone you know. Ask at the local hardware store etc. Funny thing is, I know two stressed-out moms (one with back pain, the other just stressed) that became best friends with their housekeepers! I think the housekeepers were sweet people and godsends to these women.

 

I also liked the idea of another poster about getting rid of everything that isn't essential. Some people rotate bins of toys so that there is only so much out at one time.

:grouphug:

[Kim in Appalachia]

[

 

Its hard too, b/c its not like I'm setting a good example for them, kwim? Mom barely gets off her butt isn't very inspiring.

 

 

[/b]

 

 

This is a bad attitude! What do you mean, not setting a good example?! If you were a completely healthy person sitting around, doing nothing, watching tv all day, while you screamed at the kids to do what you should be doing, then yes, you would not be setting a good example!

 

You have a chronic pain condition. You ARE doing everything you can. If you had a friend who was undergoing chemo, or knew someone recovering from a life threating illness, would you think that person was setting a bad example because her kids were picking up the slack at home? Really? What if you were completely paralyzed? Then would you not feel bad about your kids and dh doing everything they can around the house?

 

Stop beating yourself up. Kids can do a lot more than we give them credit for. And sure, go ahead and pay them for doing extra. Payment could be a special treat, like a movie or dinner out. Let the kids keep working. PLEASE REST! You are still recovering from all of that horrible testing. :grouphug: