Mom22ns Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 To not worry about school. Dad had a stroke 8 days ago. There is severe damage and we brought him home on hospice Saturday. I've been staying at his house (3+ hours from home) since it happened. My family is here and we just brought the books for our core subjects. We do math every morning, a poor job of science, read part of our SL and I've told the kids to each keep a journal. Dad only has a few days left, but I'm feeling guilty about ignoring my kids education. I really need permission not to worry about it. I know it sounds stupid but both of my parents have PhDs in education. I hold very high standards for homeschooling. Help me relax and focus on what matters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug: Put the books away unless the kids need some type of distraction. Relationships, love, grief are all more important than academics, but they are lessons that will last a lifetime. What a difficult time for you all. What would your kids prefer to be doing? I'd let them do it, whether it's watching some tv, reading, going for a walk, playing board games, fixing meals, spending time with family. Is there anything they can do for/with your dad (read to him, just hold his hand)? If your mom is there, how can they help her? :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delaney Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 School will wait. Dad won't. :grouphug: You have more than my permission! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Mom died 8 yrs ago. They are spending as mch time as they want with grandpa. My dd spends a lot of time sitting with me holding his hand. Thank you for the suggestions of having them help. Ds loves to feel he is helping and I'm forgetting to ask. Dd loves to cook and I can't leave the bedside long enough. Excellent thoughts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shannon in TN Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 It is absolutely, 100% ok, to let school go during this time. I love what Kristine had to say about maybe having the children help in little ways like reading to him or helping out around the house. The bottom line is family and being there for family. You're setting an example to your children that while having a good education is important, there are times in life where *life* is important and this is one of those times. Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm so sorry you're going through this. If it were me, I'd be a basket case (I'm a big ol' daddy's girl). (Edited because I just saw your response.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Gosh, having just been through a very emotional medical journey with my littlest one i say throw the books out the window and enjoy the precious time that you have. School will wait. The memories will be forever! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Definitely fine to let it go. :grouphug: There's always time later to catch up. You need to be with your dad and your kids need to see you go through the grieving process too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 You've gotten some great advice; I just wanted to give you a :grouphug:. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pata Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug: Put the books away and be with your dad, enjoy every moment you have. So sorry you have to go through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug: Throw the books away, unless you all need a bit of distraction. You will probably not find many people who are more stringent about academics than me, but at circumstances like this, I say to *ell with it, that can wait, there are far bigger priorities in life at this moment. I am sorry for what you are going through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa in Jax Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 You've gotten great advice. IMO, when people "soldier on" with their regular schedule without acknowledging that something is going on, they sometimes teach their kids that you must pretend everything's fine, even when it's not. I'm not saying that you're doing that, of course -- I'm only saying that it's okay to change your schedule and relax school while things are difficult with your dad. It's perfectly fine to say to your kids, "Kids, school is important, but Grandpa needs us. Also, I want to focus on Grandpa, because I love him so much. So, we're going to put Grandpa first, and school second for now." Kids need to know that everything will be okay, but it's okay if they know that you're sad, stressed, distracted, etc., right now. If you continue on w/o altering your school schedule, they won't learn a lot right now anyway, b/c they are distracted and stressed, too. So, give yourself and the academics a break for as long as you need it. The kids will be JUST FINE if they slow down or stop their school for awhile. They're still learning, even if they aren't doing workbooks or lessons. :) Hugs, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I agree with all the previous posters. School can be on a back burner for now. It won't affect their overall education in the slightest. They will be learning life lessons during this time. I'm sorry you are going through this right now and :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Thanks everyone. I've decided to keep doing math. The distraction is good and it gives me time with each child individually. Also we do it right at dad's bedside and I think he likes listening. We'll stop everything else but reading. Again we do our read aloud time by the bed and it relaxes everyone. The kids can do readers when we have a lot of company and they want to hide out. Hugs and prayers are also received gratefully. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 That sounds like a good plan. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Yes, please don't worry about the books, even if your dad lingers more than a few days. I promise, you will never, ever regret focusing on him right now. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Debbie, Books will always be around. FOCUS on your dad and mom. Do you mean your dad has a few days left to live or until he leaves the facility? Either way, do NOT worry about the educational part...PhD's or not....doesn't mean much when someone is in a crisis. Now with that said, I did do "light" school when my dad was hospitalized several years ago. It was to give my dd something to do while we were at the hospital. However, we really did not get anything done and we were able to visit with my dad quite a bit. FWIW, my dad and uncle are retired public school administrators in their mid 80's now and I know my Dad soaked up visiting with us which we couldn't have done if I was schooling her more than not. And, we didn't know if my dad was going to live so we cherished those visiting times as well. As I look back, I took the books to help "shield" us some. Hope that makes sense...sorry this is a long reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 forgot to tell you i'll pray! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 Dad is home. Just a few days left to live. I stay by his bed all but a few hours at night when someone gives me a break. We have been doing school when he is asleep or the kids retreat to work on it when some of dad's friends who have trouble sensoring their language for children come over :). Being able to tell the kids to go do something is sometimes easier than saying you need to go so these guys can enjoy their crude humor (which dad enjoys so it is welcome). I really appreciate the support everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 oh dear debbie, will pray! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Tell your kids to do school when they want... Have them spend time with your dad if that is good... Let them watch tv, and play the wii... If pics would work.. take those... Do only what you want to do for these next few weeks :) Do NOT worry about school. Everyone here understands! Sorry for this part... of life.... being so hard :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Thanks everyone. I've decided to keep doing math. The distraction is good and it gives me time with each child individually. Also we do it right at dad's bedside and I think he likes listening. We'll stop everything else but reading. Again we do our read aloud time by the bed and it relaxes everyone. The kids can do readers when we have a lot of company and they want to hide out. Hugs and prayers are also received gratefully. I agree with what you are doing. Just keep adjusting as it feels right. :grouphug: I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Be a family right now and don't worry about school. :grouphug: Praying for all of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I agree with what you are doing. Just keep adjusting as it feels right. :grouphug: I'm sorry. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug: I'm so sorry about your Dad! This is not a time for you to be thinking about school or anything else except spending time with your Dad and your family. A few days, or even weeks, without school will not hurt your children's education one bit. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: My father was recently in the hospital and we took a week off of school. You will never regret taking this time with your dad. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I am so very sorry :grouphug: I wasn't yet homeschooling when my mother was under hospice care, but I would have stopped all schooling (except for reading) if I had been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 God bless you. Your dad is so blessed to have you. I pray for peace and comfort for your family during this time. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (Not having read anyone else's responses...) Yes, you have permission! 1. They may be having a difficult time emotionally themselves, and may benefit at least as much as you. This is a benefit of homeschooling - they can take the time to experience and process important events and then pick up where they left off later. They don't have to make the difficult choice between not missing anything in school, where everyone else is just going on with their lives as normal, and getting that last time with someone important to them and time to grieve. (Had to make that choice myself a few years ago, when my grandfather went into hospice right at Finals week. Thankfully, I was a good student, and the teachers gave me some leeway - if I'd waited until my finals were over, we wouldn't have had the chance to say goodbye.) 2. If you're generally consistent with school, you're presumably either doing way more than public schools to begin with, and therefore don't really need to worry about a bit of missed time, or you'll have time when public schools are on break to catch up on a few days/weeks of missed school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luvbnhome2 Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 We went through this with my grandmother back in late Nov early Dec. She had a massive stoke during surgery and we brought her home for hospice. I have never regretted the few weeks that we took off from school at that time. The kids helped take care of their great-grandmother (I was a care giver) and were able to just focus on being with family. We were all very close to her and since she lived with my mother, we saw her all of the time-it was a very difficult time for my children. My mind was also not where it needed to be as I was grieving-so we just let school go for awhile. The free time to just be kids, be with family, and to play when they felt like it was very healing for them. Do not worry about school-it will still be there when this is all over. Also give yourself permission to ease yourself and your children back into a routine. It hit me harder than I ever would have imagined when my spunky loving grandmother died(having never lost anyone before) and it took awhile before I felt like myself again. Do not be too hard on yourself and give yourself time to grieve and to heal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 "School" can wait. Hospice is school, too. Your children are learning how to be the grown-up in a situation like this. They will watch closely your actions and reactions. It is important, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjbeach Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I used to be a hospice nurse. Does this qualify me to give official permission? ((hugs)) Just go. Be there. This is a huge change in your lives. You need to be there for YOU! Being able to bring comfort to your dad and to your family, and helping him peacefully/quietly/gracefully exit this life, is a time you will never get back. When my mom was on hospice I spent a lot of time in her room just reading to her and listening to her favorite music. When other family members were present we talked a lot about mom in her presence. I personally took a lot of satisfaction in knowing that I "babied" her the way she babied me when I was a child. There is no one more qualified to give "comfort care" to a dying person than someone with deep love behind the physical act of comfort care. Hand holding, storytelling, prayers, reading to him, listening to music together... it's all school. Many hugs to you and your family, comfort and peace for your father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie in VA Posted April 14, 2011 Share Posted April 14, 2011 I have not read any of the responses. I don't know what state you're in or that state's hs laws. I know that when my mother went into the hospital on 9/11/02 (a bad day 2 years in a row for me) and she was there till she died on Thanksgiving Day 2002, I did the following: 1. Dh took off work for me to be w/ her at first. 2. As we realized she was not getting better, I moved into my parent's home and did our "normal" routine as much as I could by day and stayed w/ Mom nights. I missed DH too much and the dc were too isolated. 3. For most of the 3 month ordeal, I drove to the hospital each night (closer than you are) and stayed nights w/ her. I got about 2-4 hours of sleep each night, in a chair in her room. I got up around 4:30 and left by 5am every morning to get home in time for my DH to go to work. I never took a nap. I did laundry, cooked meals, and read w/ my dc. Lots of days snuggling on my bed. It was the Little House books during that time. Mom's last birthday gift to my dd. Sniff, sniff. I say this: when you care for a loved one, THAT IS THE LESSON. Is there one more important? Now, I don't know the ages of your dc and mine were little then (3 and 7) so reading alouds and a few things for my older dc were all that were required then anyway, but I have not changed my mind. I'm so sorry for all that you're dealing with. Family first. Period. Exclamation point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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