Michele B Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I try to think the best of people...well that's not always true. I try to stay out of other people's parenting decisions.. that's almost true. I have a 21-year old cousin on FB. I stay FB-friends with her because I truly want to know how she and her 2-year old daughter are doing. She posts lots of nasty language and pictures. I mean, I have not seen this much of her hinney since I used to change her diaper! I say nothing. But tonight she posted a video of her 2 year old and her room mate's 1 year old "fighting." And by fighting, I mean the two mothers saying, "Slap that ho! Pull his hair! Pinch her! Bite him," and the kids giggling as they push each other around. Until of course they knock each other down and start crying. I emailed her that it is difficult for kids to understand the difference between "play" biting and hair pulling, and regular biting and hair pulling. It is a bit difficult for me to understand too. She responded politely, thanks for the advice, but said her 2 year old did know the difference between play slapping and fighting. I'm sure I will get "judge not" comments from some. But surely someone has to judge if a child is endangered mentally or physically. What do I do? No one else in our family will say anything because, well, she is 21 and listens to no one. Pray, yes. But anything else? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 There was a similar situation a few years back. Dad forced his (older, maybe 9 or 10?) son into a fight with another kid, videotaped it, and put it on youtube. (This dad wasn't the brightest star in the sky.) Mom found out (they were separated, divorced, something... not together anyway) and raised Cain, and she ended up with full custody, with no visitation or supervised visitation from Dad.. Forcing children into fighting can be seen as abusive in many ways. I'd probably not call CPS on this, but save it, and keep my eyes open for other signs of abuse and/or neglect. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Woodhaven Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 What Kristy said. I hear your pain. What an awful thing to do to a child! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akmommy Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 :iagree:I'll third what Kristi said. It's disgusting and wrong, but probably not enough to get CPS involved...yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 :iagree:I'll third what Kristi said. It's disgusting and wrong, but probably not enough to get CPS involved...yet. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 How sad. I would save a copy of that video in case you need it for evidence sometime in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 This is a "judge" moment. Pretty cut and dry.... I can't see an angle of "just my parenting style" holding any water here.... Judge away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Disgusting. She should not be raising a plant let alone a child. I would call cps so fast her head would spin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Horrible. Is there anyone at all she might listen to?? And I would also struggle not to report it, though I don't know that it would help. Poor kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Agree, agree, agree. Honestly, if she's willing to put that on FB for all to see, what's she doing behind closed doors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyw Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I shudder to think what else is going on in that household? Who uses that kind of language with their children anyway? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
v-girl Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I would call CPS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I would call CPS. If she's doing this to a 2 year old and putting it on Facebook, I can only imagine what else she's doing. This is not acceptable and I consider it abusive. As a previous poster noted, there was a similar situation with an older child being coaxed to fight for a Facebook video and the father lost custody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 There was one not too long ago... where a mom put her kid on youtube.. maybe with tape over their mouth... and maybe nose, too?? She got the kid taken... People are absolutely amazing!! (not in a good way!!)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 She's family? Talk to her mother. Seriously. If that doesn't work you have to find SOMEONE in the family who can see things from your perspective. Your relative needs family guidance and support -- but if that doesn't work I'd call CPS too. 2 years old?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyFL Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 People are so sick. AND FB brings it all to light, doesn't it? I can't say I know what to do. Part of me would want to call the authorities just to see what they think. So glad you are there to pray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiffnkids Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 This is not okay. What kind of mother would call a one or two year old child a ho? What kind of mother would encourage her child to inflict pain on another? What kind of mother would enjoy watching her child child endure pain? Mom says . . . her 2 year old did know the difference between play slapping and fighting All that little baby knows is that mommy is cheering at this violent behavior. Little kids want mommy's attention, affection, and approval. If this is what it takes to "impress" Mom at two years old, then what will it take as this child grows older? Please, do what you can to intervene on this child's behalf. Are grandparents or any other family members involved in this child's life? The child needs to be rescued and the mother needs help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 She's family? Talk to her mother. Seriously. If that doesn't work you have to find SOMEONE in the family who can see things from your perspective. This was my thought, too. Heart-breaking. I hope she will listen to someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Disgusting. She should not be raising a plant let alone a child. I would call cps so fast her head would spin. :iagree: I would call CPS and hope that parenting classes may help her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tammyw Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Forgot to mention - I'd also save a copy of that video, if you can, just in case she takes it down and you need to show it to someone. It makes sense that this is the kind of behavior that creates a future bully. Horrifying really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 That is just wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I wouldn't judge at all. I'd call CPS and let them judge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Wow. That really is alarming that she cares so little for her own little child. Someone should be making some surprise visits, asap, to see what else is going on in that household,regardless of whether the visit is welcome or not. That child could be in danger of other forms of abuse and/or neglect as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Sorry, I really don't think calling CPS is the right thing to do. She is family which gives OP an advantage. Get involved with the cousin's closest family member (mom, dad, sibling). Stick with emailing her advising her in a way that might touch her and/or reach her. Encourage her to get on a positive track, to do helpful habits. Tell her whatever you want, even if she tells you to butt out. To me, it's worth it to try all of that before calling CPS. People will actually listen to reason at times. It might be something she needs but doesn't know how to ask for it. She is a young mother, maybe without a husband to support her emotionally and financially. A stable relative calling in reinforcements might be the very thing she needs. And even if she doesn't react in an accepting way this time, you better believe she won't forget your words, your effort, or your belief. On another note, lots of people talk ugly, dress ugly, and do ugly things. And they're parents, too. It's just how the world is. There are all kinds of folks out there, so to most of us here, that kind of language is offensive, but others it is their slang and their way of being funny (amongst each other I'd presume!) It doesn't always make them a 'bad' parent, just not the type of person we'd want to be. Making the child fight is wrong, though, don't get me wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Don't all of your friends get her language, heinie pictures, etc. on their news feeds? Eh, I'd defriend her for my own sanity. Unless you need evidence for CPS. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 (edited) There was similar situation in the media not too long ago where parents were telling chilren to fight. CPS did get involved and the parents were arrested. I would upload the video so it was on my computer. I would contact her parents. Someone could very likely call the police and she could very likely lose her kid over that. http://www.columbian.com/news/2010/oct/29/video-of-fighting-children-prompts-call-to-police/ http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6278310&page=1 Edited March 25, 2011 by Sis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 You know, after more thought, maybe just telling her straight forward what others have shared here: that she could lose her child over this type of behavior. Maybe for some reason she is immature and not able to distinguish good/bad choices. If you (o/p) and other relatives come from that angle that she needs to shape up or else possibly lose her daughter, she might realize it's not really all that funny anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Yoikes. I'd point out to the mom/poster that if someone forwarded those videos to CPS, she might not just get a visit, but might face criminal charges or lose her kid. Not that I'd suggest you do that, but fb is a very public place. . . and maybe by framing the conversation that way, she'll see her actions through a different lens. Yikes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michele B Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 I hear you; I'll try to make a few more calls tomorrow to drum up support. My children were bitten and bit a few times themselves when they were toddlers. I just remember feeling horrible about it. I cannot imagine joking about. I did mention CPS in my email to her earlier. Who knows? Maybe this will get her attention. I just hate it that she has so many "friends" encouraging her in unacceptable behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeneralMom Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 It makes me wonder how she will react when her baby turns around and starts pulling her hair and slapping her. Won't be so funny then. I would call CPS and ask their advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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