How do you choose a church?

[tntgoodwin]

So, we moved here about a year ago, and are having a lot of trouble finding a church home. We have visited several, and are just not satisfied with any of them for various reasons.

How do you and your family choose a church to worship at? I imagine it is easier if you are a particular denomination (we aren't) and there is only one or two choices in your local area.

I don't want to visit every church on the island (we could do that each week until we move away, ha!) until we find the "perfect" one. I don't think it exists anyway. We naturally have some specific things that are non-negotiable, and some more that we would "prefer," but we aren't terribly picky, IMHO.

[TravelingChris]

In the last two areas, I start with the internet. I find I can get a lot of information from the website and it gives me a good idea of what the church is like. Then we visit. In Florida, we visited three, narrowed down to two, and then decided which one was it. Total time visiting and not deciding (less than two months). In VA, we visited three (though one was just really for CHristmas service), and on our third visit, we decided this was it.

[Chris in VA]

Well, it's rather easy for us...;) (Dh is an Episcopal priest.)

 

But one time, and only one time, during our marriage, we actually got to choose. Dh was going for his doctorate and not employed at a church for the first half of the first year. We did look in our denomination, but we had some criteria beyond that.

 

It had to match our theology (basically Nicene Creed).

 

It had to have excellence in worship (we are liturgical, but for someone who isn't, that could mean decent music--at least appropriate, if not "professional"--orderly sharing of spiritual gifts, etc.)

 

It had to have a good Sunday School and nursery (because I wanted a place that saw children as both a crucial part of the community and as worthy of a developmentally appropriate program, and realized moms need help on Sunday morning so they can get spiritually fed). I wanted trained teachers (not BA's, but trained in the SS program) and nursery workers who were screened for safety and also knew what they were doing, as well as having a clean space.

 

It had to be fiscally open, sound, etc.

 

It could not preach anything extra-biblical except the traditions of the church that we know came before scripture was canonized, and those traditions could not go against scripture.

 

It had to show some semblance of community involvement.

 

We wanted to find a friendly place, too, that welcomed the stranger and showed kindness to visitors.

 

These were our basics.

 

We went with one that was all that, but I personally wanted a little more contemporary option once in a while--but we compromised a bit on that, so lastly I'll say we wanted a place we could both live with.

[tntgoodwin]

In the last two areas, I start with the internet. I find I can get a lot of information from the website and it gives me a good idea of what the church is like. Then we visit. In Florida, we visited three, narrowed down to two, and then decided which one was it. Total time visiting and not deciding (less than two months). In VA, we visited three (though one was just really for CHristmas service), and on our third visit, we decided this was it.

 

That is where we started too. If the church doesn't have a website, we figure it probably won't be a good fit for us anyway!

[anissa]

Unfortunately there isn't a quick way to choose a church. We moved here two years ago. First we went to the big popular church. Too many people. Too few relationship-building opportunities. Then we tried a handful of smaller ones. By talking to other hs families we found one that was just-right (does this sound like Goldilocks?). I would say to be patient, talk to others, and try a church for more than one Sunday. We tried one for close to 9 months before we decided it wasn't a fit. The process helped us bond as a family as we all discussed likes/dislikes, and aired any concerns. I guess I forgot the number one strategy - pray!

 

God bless!

[JudoMom]

After being at the same church for over 13 years, we started visiting churches in December. We decided at the start that we would visit churches at least through the end of March (though I think we'll be going through April now)--a different church each week. We hope to never have to church hunt again, so we thought we'd make the most of it. We also live in an area with a lot of churches, and we aren't tied to a specific denomination.

 

My dh is an engineer, so we have a very methodical approach. He's scoured websites, and placed potential churches in a spreadsheet. As we visit them, he marks them as a yes or no, and also records our impressions. We have a short list of churches to revisit once our first cycle is over. He's also making the time to visit any visitor's classes/luncheons so we can find out more about church beliefs/doctrine.

 

It is hard because even on our short list of churches, there are things that we don't like. We're praying for direction and that God will make it very clear to us where we are to worship with and minister to other believers.

[JudoMom]

That is where we started too. If the church doesn't have a website, we figure it probably won't be a good fit for us anyway!

 

:lol: My dh has said from the start that we won't visit any church that doesn't have a website.

[Parrothead]

It has been quite some time since I was able to choose a parish. But we will visit a couple times and get a feel for the places. It is nice to have multiple mass times available.

 

Tell us your list of "must haves" and your list of "would like to sees." Maybe there will be people who can tell you which denomination(s) are most like what you are looking for.

[....]

We're Lutheran (LCMS). I go online and start making a list of congregations I can drive to. Then, I start going on their websites. The SECOND I see something creepy/red flaggish on their websites, I cross them off my list. Next, I narrow down by services/what kind of service they have, etc. Some places offer only contemporary service, so I avoid those (there's nothing wrong with it, just not what I'm used to). Oh, I avoid congregations that are huge (I forgot to say that).

 

Then, I start emailing my top picks. This is basically to see if they respond, how friendly they are when they respond and if they can answer some questions - I start fishing for answers on kids (if they're a kid-friendly congregation) and new members (how they deal with new members). I also ask about what they do to help the community around them (it's a weird question, I know).

 

I'll always end up with one who gives me a weird answer, so I cross them off my list. Then, I start visiting. That's right, if I even SENSE there's a weird vibe, I'm outta there. If people are crabby/unfriendly and look cliquish, we cross that one off our list.

 

Anyway, that's how I find our churches. Our current church is really nice. On that note, it sounds like I have serious paranoia issues and religious baggage issues as well (my dad was the music director for a church of another denomination when we were kids, so I've seen it all :glare:). However, my paranoid method seems to work.

[Heather in Neverland]

For us it starts with the "non-negotiables". Very rarely will you find a church that fits you perfectly. So you have to decide whatis most important to you. Is it the denomination? Particular doctrinal teachings? Expository vs. topical preaching? Music style? Size? Programs for the family?

 

Here in Malaysia, 99.9% of the churches are very charasmatic. We are not. Therefore, it has been beyond difficult finding a church and we have tried several. So we are now worshipping with two other families on Sundays...home churching I guess.

 

But when we were in NC we went to a small church (about 70 people) where the preaching and theology was exactly what we needed but the music style was not our cup of tea. However, the teaching was more important to us than the music. Looking back, it was the best church expereince we ever had.

 

So prioritize ... make a list of the top 5 most important things and if you can find a church that has your top 3 then go there.

 

Best wishes...it can be tough. :grouphug:

[tntgoodwin]

It has been quite some time since I was able to choose a parish. But we will visit a couple times and get a feel for the places. It is nice to have multiple mass times available.

 

Tell us your list of "must haves" and your list of "would like to sees." Maybe there will be people who can tell you which denomination(s) are most like what you are looking for.

 

Must Have:

Good children's program

Contemporary worship

Good theology/sound doctrine

Not KJV only

Conservative (no female or homosexual pastor)

 

Like to see:

The bigger the better

Friendly people

Young families

Uses ESV or NASB usually when preaching

Sermons based on Bible rather than topical

Usually same pastor, rather than several rotating through

We prefer an exciting, relatively young dynamic pastor who isn't afraid to step on toes

 

Our theology:

Well, she is mostly Arminian, and I am mostly Calvinist by now. We both grew up in mostly Southern Baptist churches, then attended (and loved) a charismatic non-denominational megachurch in Texas after we got married. (Probably very similar to their sister church New Life in Colorado Springs) so we are fairly flexible as far as that goes.

 

Trinitarian

 

Saved by grace alone (through faith)

 

Biblical inerrency in the original languages.

 

We believe in tongues as a private prayer language, not as proof of the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

 

We are continuationist (aka non-cessationist).

 

We are complementarian.

 

We don't believe in infant baptism.

 

Baptism and communion are both merely symbolic.

 

Our previous church leaned slightly toward "Prosperity Gospel" or "Name it claim it" or "word-faith" (While our lead pastor didn't often preach that way often, people like John Bevere and Creflo Dollar have guest preached at our church) - but I did not like that AT ALL.

 

We do not believe drinking alcohol is a sin.

 

Ask if there are any other questions!

Edited March 17, 2011 by tntgoodwin
OPEN PARENTHESIS

[Linda1951]

We chose ours by what it offered and how close it is to our house.

Plus we have three services to choose from.

[Koerarmoca]

I always start my search online. I wanted a church that had an AWANA program so I started with my seeing what local churches had AWANA through their site. I then visited the churches websites and looked at their programs for all ages of kids, young adults, what ministries they have, missions they support. I also made sure that their statement of faith lined up with what we believe and I wanted to make sure it was a church that used the KJV bible. I grew up on KJV and other versions just don't speak to me in the same way. I have tired churches that used other versions and it was such a distraction to me. I also look at the congregation size I am not a fan of huge churches. I ended up visiting 5 churches and ended up back at the first one which is also closest to where we live now. I LOVE it they have great children's programs, they have a homeschool group, they have a awesome bible study...I could go on and on.

 

the worship portion was not as important to me. I do that daily on my own through music. I was used to contemporary but I found a new love for traditional hymns.

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: We just look for our denomination in our area (by checking the Website, lol) but good luck to you in finding the denomination that speaks to your heart & soul!! I truly love my faith but LDS is not aligned with all of your current personal beliefs :).

[milovany]

For us it came down to wanting to be a part of a church that has its roots in the New Testament (really, truly -- with apostolic succession). To us, after reading the early church fathers and looking at church history, that meant Eastern Orthodox. This is more important to us than things like children's ministry, worship style, leadership style etc.

[tntgoodwin]

Anyone else?

[WiseOwlKnits]

We wanted Presbyterian or Methodist, very kid-friendly, and a traditional service. Once we had our short list (based on what we found on their websites - you can get a great feel for a church from their website I've discovered), we visited them. The church we're with now, we literally walked in and KNEW this is where we belonged. That was 10+ years ago.

[JadeOrchidSong]

For us it starts with the "non-negotiables". Very rarely will you find a church that fits you perfectly. So you have to decide whatis most important to you. Is it the denomination? Particular doctrinal teachings? Expository vs. topical preaching? Music style? Size? Programs for the family?

 

Here in Malaysia, 99.9% of the churches are very charasmatic. We are not. Therefore, it has been beyond difficult finding a church and we have tried several. So we are now worshipping with two other families on Sundays...home churching I guess.

 

But when we were in NC we went to a small church (about 70 people) where the preaching and theology was exactly what we needed but the music style was not our cup of tea. However, the teaching was more important to us than the music. Looking back, it was the best church expereince we ever had.

 

So prioritize ... make a list of the top 5 most important things and if you can find a church that has your top 3 then go there.

 

Best wishes...it can be tough. :grouphug:

Heather,

I know what you are talking about when you say "charismatic". I watched a video of one Malaysian church's worship and it seemed so wild. Sorry I just can't think of another word. Good for you to have the home churching experience now. It is easier to do this than to join the big crowd and feel out of place.

By the way, I never envied my American coworkers who got paid much higher than I and lived in much better homes in China. I think maybe we are just used to the idea that foreigners should be paid a few times more than we the local Chinese. There are some Americans who live in houses considered big even in the US while my Chinese coworkers live in one room apartment with their child. We all take it for granted that foreigners should live better than we. Now I am in the US, I feel differently and I understand your uneasy feelings. Hope you are getting used to it.

[Vida Winter]

I would say, you choose the religion first, and then the church. That way, you can resolve your larger issues with the religion before you "meet all those nice people who can temporarily sway your opinions." So, it amounts to a lot of soul-searching up-front.

[tntgoodwin]

Well my "religion" is Christianity, and I'm Protestant, so it doesn't really narrow it down enough :D

[Dobela]

While we tend to follow one denominational line, the name on the church is not the most important thing to us. Whether or not they are teaching accurately according ot the Bible is. If they are not teaching correctly, then I don't want to be a part.

[ScoutTN]

For our family these are priorities:

 

theology (reformed and covenantal) and preaching quality

community

children's ministry

location

[HS Mom in NC]

We had a list of our doctrinal beliefs that were non-negotiable. Then we listed some that were preferences. We listed our preferences about other things (worship style, activities, service schedules etc.)

 

We looked online (this was before every church was online) for any information before we decided to try it out.

 

When we went to a church we asked someone in charge for the following:

1) a copy of their statement of faith (and philosophy of ministry if they had one)

2) a copy of their church constitution

3) a copy of their budget (you will learn A LOT by reading the budget)

 

If those things were acceptable we then had a meeting with church leadership (preferably the senior pastor) to ask him more questions.

[susankenny]

Honestly, we visit churches that are familiar denominations to us, therefore we know the major doctrinal issues we'll agree upon. We have children, so how that area of ministry is run does matter to us. We recognize it takes a few times to really get to know a church, so we usually visit several times before we make a decision. I also recognize a church isn't there to serve me but rather I am there to serve within the body. This helps our perception as we look for a place, as we want to serve alongside other members.

 

Susan

Edited March 18, 2011 by susankenny

[cshell]

PRAY!!!!;)

[Lawana]

Easy. Choose a denomination that doesn't give you a choice. Then, you go to the one you are assigned to, and that is that.:glare:

(Addressed to OP)

Edited March 18, 2011 by Lawana

[May]

LCMS here too. We usually look on our Synod's website and get a list of the churches in our area. Then, we will start visiting starting with the closest. The most important thing for our family is the preaching (law/gospel). It must offer a traditional service as least a couple times of month. Dh doesn't enjoy contempory but would attend on occasion. Call me crazy, but the friendliness of a congregation isn't on the top 5 reasons I would attend a church.

[catalinakel]

Well my "religion" is Christianity, and I'm Protestant, so it doesn't really narrow it down enough :D

 

From there, I go with the non-negotiables. I require sound doctrine. Period. Usually church websites have a statement of faith. Read it and consider it. If it is part of a denomination, I would also read the denomination's beliefs.

 

I also require worship music that is both truthful and God Focused. I don't want to sing about us, I want to sing about HIM. Style doesn't matter so much to me as the content. It must be Biblical.

 

I avoid mega-churches. I can't get behind churches that spend lots of money on 'marketing," that is, slick printed materials that get sent out. It is just the hippie in me. Don't waste money on stuff that gets thrown away...

 

Right now I am at a church with sound doctrine and great, God focused worship. We are not a mega-church. Unfortunately, there is a lack of warmth among the congregation; that is to say, LOVE is not obvious and evident. I wish to God it were. I have visited several other churches in order to find a more loving place, but cannot find a place with sound doctrine and God focused worship. So I stay where I am at, but pray for changes(while also working at being loving and warm myself). Unfortunately, this side of Eternity, there will be no church body that completely satisfies. God speed you on your search. I hate church shopping!

[tntgoodwin]

Easy. Choose a denomination that doesn't give you a choice. Then, you go to the one you are assigned to, and that is that.:glare:

(Addressed to OP)

 

Lol.

:tongue_smilie:

[Heather in Neverland]

Conservative (no female or homosexual pastor) At that church or in the denomination in general?

 

Uses ESV or NASB usually when preaching This one will be popular in calvinist/reformed churches...not ONLY those churches but those churches do often favor those translations

 

We don't believe in infant baptism. But would you attend a church that does? Otherwise reformed is out as is lutheran and a few others.

 

Baptism and communion are both merely symbolic. Hmmm... thinking....

 

We do not believe drinking alcohol is a sin.

 

Ask if there are any other questions!

 

Well based on everything above you seem again like a calvinist-baptist (you, maybe not your wife). If you have calvinist beliefs in terms of soteriology, but no infant baptism, the ordinances are symbolic, complementarians then I would look for a church that is baptist heavily rooted in the doctrines of grace. Those are the baptist churches that are least likely to give you a hard time about alcohol.

 

We attended a church just like that in Michigan that had a huge AWANA program and was about 600 people BUT the worship style was more hymns than contemporary. Like I said, you can't have it all. ;)

 

The pastor of that church was a cessationist but it was not in the church's official statement of faith so they left that up to the individual.

[mktkcb]

Hi, my thought was to see if there were any graduates of Master's Seminary around where you are. That is John MacArthur's school (we live pretty close to there, know lots of people that go there), and doctrinally/preaching style etc. is pretty close to what you are looking for. Only exception might be the tongues issue. Expository preaching. very straight, doctrinally. Anyway, there is one guy in Hilo who has a pretty small church. I have no clue where you live, but maybe you could contact this guy and get some thoughts or recs. from him on possible churches to try in your area, or pastors he would recommend. There were a couple other grads in Hawaii, but they were working at schools there. Anyway, just a thought. Here's his website.

 

http://www.hilobereans.com/index.htm

[tntgoodwin]

Well based on everything above you seem again like a calvinist-baptist (you, maybe not your wife). If you have calvinist beliefs in terms of soteriology, but no infant baptism, the ordinances are symbolic, complementarians then I would look for a church that is baptist heavily rooted in the doctrines of grace. Those are the baptist churches that are least likely to give you a hard time about alcohol.

 

We attended a church just like that in Michigan that had a huge AWANA program and was about 600 people BUT the worship style was more hymns than contemporary. Like I said, you can't have it all. ;)

 

The pastor of that church was a cessationist but it was not in the church's official statement of faith so they left that up to the individual.

 

Thanks!

 

I would prefer in the denomination in general, but we could tolerate a church where it was only in that church, I suppose.

We probably not choose to attend a church that does practice infant baptism.

I have looked on the 9 marks website and Founders website for Calvinist leaning Baptist churches, do you know of any others that might be helpful?

 

We are on Oahu, BTW.

[ElizabethB]

A Bible church or other conservative independent church or a Calvary church would probably also be a good fit for you.

 

On base services can be better than at a normal base at remote locations. Our church on base in Germany had a contemporary service that we attended. We got the gospel preacher sometimes when our regular pastor could not preach, he kept everyone awake when he preached!

 

We are, unfortunately, expert church shoppers, having moved 8 times in the last 9 years. With our current kids' ages, we try out churches with AWANAS first. Then, we look at other nearby churches that seem to match our beliefs. We try to go to the closest Bible believing church that has good music, but will settle for bad music if the preaching is sound. Many websites now have mp3s of their sermons, listening to those should give you a good idea.

[tntgoodwin]

A Bible church or other conservative independent church or a Calvary church would probably also be a good fit for you.

 

On base services can be better than at a normal base at remote locations. Our church on base in Germany had a contemporary service that we attended. We got the gospel preacher sometimes when our regular pastor could not preach, he kept everyone awake when he preached!

 

We are, unfortunately, expert church shoppers, having moved 8 times in the last 9 years. With our current kids' ages, we try out churches with AWANAS first. Then, we look at other nearby churches that seem to match our beliefs. We try to go to the closest Bible believing church that has good music, but will settle for bad music if the preaching is sound. Many websites now have mp3s of their sermons, listening to those should give you a good idea.

 

We actually went to a Calvary chapel that was okay. Our youngest HATED the nursery there for some reason, and would scream every time though. They also had a book for sale in the foyer called "The Dark Side of Calvinism" which kinda weirded me out. And almost all the books were either written by or had a foreword by Chuck Smith. I don't mind churches that sell books (probably prefer it actually), but present a balanced viewpoint, or at least multiple authors.

 

 

Anyone know how you could find out where the preacher went to college without having to go through each church website?

I like Wheaton College, and SWBTS (within the last 15-20 years or so), and it would be neat to sit under a pastor who graduated from one of those.

[Heather in Neverland]

Thanks!

 

I would prefer in the denomination in general, but we could tolerate a church where it was only in that church, I suppose.

We probably not choose to attend a church that does practice infant baptism.

I have looked on the 9 marks website and Founders website for Calvinist leaning Baptist churches, do you know of any others that might be helpful?

 

We are on Oahu, BTW.

 

Not sure how far this is but this sounds nearly perfect: http://www.harborhawaii.org/

 

It is part of the Acts 29 group (started by Mark Driscoll and his Mars Hill church). I also found this:

 

http://www.hawaiiforvisitors.com/oahu/attractions/churches-baptist.htm

[mytwomonkeys]

We probably not choose to attend a church that does practice infant baptism.

 

fwiw, we attend a UMC church (actually, my husband is the worship pastor there). we've been there for 5 years. neither of my children have had infant baptism. my daughter is 9 & just got baptized (her choice). my son has never been baptized & he'll be 7 next week. my point is, infant baptism isn't enforced & our pastor will baptize our kids when they're ready - he has no issues with it at all. also, when infants are baptized, he clearly explains *why* methodist believe in that form of baptism as biblical (the bible tells us whole households were baptized, etc). but methodist don't believe the baptism is tied to salvation for the baby. my husband & i believe it is a personal decision & our pastor stands behind us on it. it's really not a big deal at our church whatsoever. just something to consider.:)

Edited March 18, 2011 by mytwomonkeys
cuz i can't splel

[lionfamily1999]

I try to find a mid-week thing to attend (like Bible Study). Then, while I'm there, I check out their calendar and bulletin boards. You can find out a lot about a church and the congregation by what ministries are available and how many people are signed up. Going to the mid-week meeting also gives you a view at the people that are most likely to be in everything.

 

Also, you don't get as much attention as you do attending church.

 

Hth

[tntgoodwin]

Not sure how far this is but this sounds nearly perfect: http://www.harborhawaii.org/

 

It is part of the Acts 29 group (started by Mark Driscoll and his Mars Hill church). I also found this:

 

http://www.hawaiiforvisitors.com/oahu/attractions/churches-baptist.htm

 

You are the best, Heather in NC...thanks for these and all your help.

[milovany]

Must Have:

Good children's program

Contemporary worship

Good theology/sound doctrine

Not KJV only

Conservative (no female or homosexual pastor)

 

Like to see:

The bigger the better

Friendly people

Young families

Uses ESV or NASB usually when preaching

Sermons based on Bible rather than topical

Usually same pastor, rather than several rotating through

We prefer an exciting, relatively young dynamic pastor who isn't afraid to step on toes

 

Our theology:

Well, she is mostly Arminian, and I am mostly Calvinist by now. We both grew up in mostly Southern Baptist churches, then attended (and loved) a charismatic non-denominational megachurch in Texas after we got married. (Probably very similar to their sister church New Life in Colorado Springs) so we are fairly flexible as far as that goes.

 

Trinitarian

 

Saved by grace alone (through faith)

 

Biblical inerrency in the original languages.

 

We believe in tongues as a private prayer language, not as proof of the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

 

We are continuationist (aka non-cessationist).

 

We are complementarian.

 

We don't believe in infant baptism.

 

Baptism and communion are both merely symbolic.

 

Our previous church leaned slightly toward "Prosperity Gospel" or "Name it claim it" or "word-faith" (While our lead pastor didn't often preach that way often, people like John Bevere and Creflo Dollar have guest preached at our church) - but I did not like that AT ALL.

 

We do not believe drinking alcohol is a sin.

 

Ask if there are any other questions!

 

You're making me woozy. :svengo:

 

:lol:

[tntgoodwin]

Sorry! What part makes you woozy?

[Chris in VA]

I'd try the Calvary Chapel again.

Just what I'd do...

[QueenCat]

fwiw, we attend a UMC church (actually, my husband is the worship pastor there). we've been there for 5 years. neither of my children have had infant baptism. my daughter is 9 & just got baptized (her choice). my son has never been baptized & he'll be 7 next week. my point is, infant baptism isn't enforced & our pastor will baptize our kids when they're ready - he has no issues with it at all. also, when infants are baptized, he clearly explains *why* methodist believe in that form of baptism as biblical (the bible tells us whole households were baptized, etc). but methodist don't believe the baptism is tied to salvation for the baby. my husband & i believe it is a personal decision & our pastor stands behind us on it. it's really not a big deal at our church whatsoever. just something to consider.:)

 

The UMC does not require infant baptism at any of their churches, it's not just your pastor. It's pretty normal to see baptisms of a variety of ages in the UMC. And methods. We don't have an immersion type of facility but if someone wants to be baptized by immersion, we just borrow the one down the street at First Christian Church. Granted, it's done at a different time than during the regular service since we need to go to a different place but that's fine.

[mytwomonkeys]

The UMC does not require infant baptism at any of their churches, it's not just your pastor.

 

yes, i realize that. that's what i was trying to point out, lol...poorly communicated i guess :) it's definitely not a big deal at all within the UMC.

[QueenCat]

yes, i realize that. that's what i was trying to point out, lol...poorly communicated i guess :) it's definitely not a big deal at all within the UMC.

 

 

Aah.... I initially thought you thought it was unique to your congregation. It was one of the things I love about the UMC. The recognition that there can be more than one right biblical way of doing things.

[milovany]

Sorry! What part makes you woozy?

 

Oh, LOL, I guess the whole part about trying to find an exact fit for a church based on all these things -- continuationist, complementarian, pre-millennial/post-millennial, credobaptist, the gift of tongues (but only as a prayer language, not as proof the HS), certain versions of the Bible, etc. I just picture a larger-than-life check off chart with everyone's filled out differently. What a pain in the neck way to have to choose a church! (No offense ~ maybe you find it fun! :D)

 

(FWIW, this is probably a natural response from someone who already knows which church she would become a part of wherever in the world she traveled or lived. So, take it or leave it -- and I won't be offended back either if you leave it! :001_smile:)

Edited March 19, 2011 by milovaný

[Heather in Neverland]

You are the best, Heather in NC...thanks for these and all your help.

 

my pleasure

[tntgoodwin]

Oh, LOL, I guess the whole part about trying to find an exact fit for a church based on all these things -- continuationist, complementarian, pre-millennial/post-millennial, credobaptist, the gift of tongues (but only as a prayer language, not as proof the HS), certain versions of the Bible, etc. I just picture a larger-than-life check off chart with everyone's filled out differently. What a pain in the neck way to have to choose a church! (No offense ~ maybe you find it fun! :D)

 

(FWIW, this is probably a natural response from someone who already knows which church she would become a part of wherever in the world she traveled or lived. So, take it or leave it -- and I won't be offended back either if you leave it! :001_smile:)

 

I see what you are saying. I guess I am just being too picky. It's just hard because I do have such a complicated belief system that doesn't fit into a neat little box with a bow. I would love to be able to say I am XYZ and share all the beliefs of XYZ. Certainly would make life a lot easier to be able to find a perfect match, but I realize that day will probably never happen.

No offense taken at all, I do find some of it (church hunting) fun, but the rest of my family doesn't, and I have also gotten past the fun point and just gotten to a point where I just want to find a church that my family enjoys and where I can tolerate the theology. :)

[milovany]

I see what you are saying. I guess I am just being too picky. It's just hard because I do have such a complicated belief system that doesn't fit into a neat little box with a bow. I would love to be able to say I am XYZ and share all the beliefs of XYZ. Certainly would make life a lot easier to be able to find a perfect match, but I realize that day will probably never happen.

No offense taken at all, I do find some of it (church hunting) fun, but the rest of my family doesn't, and I have also gotten past the fun point and just gotten to a point where I just want to find a church that my family enjoys and where I can tolerate the theology. :)

 

But then the church (and, if we're honest, God himself) would have to be made in your image according to your understanding. And I'm not singling you out, this is true of everyone else trying to find Theology XYZ, a "good fit," a church with "like minded" people. I'm not judging -- I've been there! It's so tiring; I got so tired of spending all my time trying to hash out what we believed about every. single. thing. I just wanted to worship, you know?

 

Instead of trying to figure out how to fill out the checklist perfectly, why not just find the Church God started, and adapt to it? I ask this honestly, although I know it seems to be a shocking question. A couple of years ago, we were in a service and a worship song included the line, "Overflow your [river] banks into my life." My husband left, appalled -- and found himself asking the question, "Shouldn't we be walking to and stepping in His 'river' and not asking Him to come and be a part of ours?" It just hit him wrong.

Edited March 19, 2011 by milovaný

[tntgoodwin]

Not at all, I am not changing the church or God into my understanding. My beliefs are constantly changing (especially lately) and being refined and I feel like it is me who has been changing in order to understand God better and deeper. If it was just about going back to the first way it was done, I would become Jewish :P For me, church isn't just about worshiping God, it is about learning about Him, and understanding Him more. :)

[Margo out of lurking]

I was thinking Calvary Chapel even before reading through the thread. It fits all of your requirements/requests.

 

Must Have:

Good children's program

Contemporary worship

Good theology/sound doctrine

Not KJV only

Conservative (no female or homosexual pastor)

Friendly people (USUALLY)

Young families (USUALLY)

Uses ESV or NASB usually when preaching (left up to pastor, but yes, this is common)

Sermons based on Bible rather than topical

Usually same pastor, rather than several rotating through

We prefer an exciting, relatively young dynamic pastor who isn't afraid to step on toes

 

Our theology:

Well, she is mostly Arminian, and I am mostly Calvinist by now. (Calvary Chapel, as you already know, is a blend.) We both grew up in mostly Southern Baptist churches, then attended (and loved) a charismatic non-denominational megachurch in Texas after we got married. (Probably very similar to their sister church New Life in Colorado Springs) so we are fairly flexible as far as that goes. (Fwiw, I am pretty familiar with New Life, and when we lived in CSpgs, we had many like-minded friends who were members.)

 

Trinitarian

 

Saved by grace alone (through faith)

 

Biblical inerrency in the original languages.

 

We believe in tongues as a private prayer language, not as proof of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. (Calvary Chapel services are not charismatic, but the church believes in tongues as part of private prayer.)

 

We are continuationist (aka non-cessationist).

 

We are complementarian.

 

We don't believe in infant baptism.

 

Baptism and communion are both merely symbolic.

 

Our previous church leaned slightly toward "Prosperity Gospel" or "Name it claim it" or "word-faith" (While our lead pastor didn't often preach that way often, people like John Bevere and Creflo Dollar have guest preached at our church) - but I did not like that AT ALL. (ITA!!!) (And hey, John Bevere lives right down the street from New Life!)

 

We do not believe drinking alcohol is a sin.

 

Ask if there are any other questions!

 

You asked somewhere if you can find out where a pastor went to college. Bible college? You know that CC pastors don't have to have any theology degree . . .

 

We began attending a CC in Colorado Springs (Rocky Mountain Calvary). We moved to VA and attended our local one for a few years. We had issues with a few things unrelated to the teaching or theology, church-searched for several months (mostly online) in our valley of 300,000. (Hey, we're in the south, and there's a church on every corner.) We ended up at the next-nearest CC, driving an hour + to get there.