Crazy/Inappropriate Gifts

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

"Guns" is a slang word for muscles. So "Welcome to the Gun Show" is a funny way of saying check out my big muscles. It loses something when you have to explain it--not so funny. :D

:lol::lol: That's funny :lol::lol: I was half afraid that "guns" was slang for something else:001_huh::lol:

[mcconnellboys]

Are you kidding me? How rude!

[Pink Fairy]

:lol::lol: That's funny :lol::lol: I was half afraid that "guns" was slang for something else:001_huh::lol:

Ewwww....:lol:

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

My in-laws give us the strangest, most random things....

 

1. a key chain of a pig and when you squeeze it, fake poop comes out its rear end

When we were in Korea in 2007 (the year of the gold pig) I found key chains that were gold colored metal pigs that were lighters. You would push on the tail and the flame would come out of their butt:001_huh::lol::lol::lol: My 13 yo ds was with me and we both laughed our butts off! I seriously thought about buying some as joke gifts but wasn't sure if customs would allow them or confiscate them.

[mcconnellboys]

LOL! After I'd been dating my (now) husband for two years, I just knew that he was going to give me an engagement ring for Christmas, right? I got jumper cables (an obvious gag gift to throw me off, I thought). I got a large thermos (nothing inside it). I got a big lunch cooler (nothing inside it). Finally came the small box! Yeah! It was a Lenox crystal cross - pretty - don't get me wrong - but really too delicate to even wear and NOT what I was expecting.....

 

Ummm, yeah. To his credit, I was working out of town and taking my lunch every day......

 

One year his Mom, who never liked me, decided that none of us had been good enough to deserve anything nice for Christmas (she, of course, got jewelry as usual), so I got a plain white, cotton blouse; a plain black vest; and a pair of pantyhose..... Oh, and I got some soap.... Yeah.

[5kidsforME]

I don't get the reference either, mind explaining to someone as equally as clueless:confused:

 

 

This is quoted around my house all. the. time. Mostly by my dh. :lol:

 

 

[mcconnellboys]

"For Depends" - I definitely like that one. Or just buy them a box of the wrong size.....

[mcconnellboys]

Huh? Did anyone ask what the heck it was supposed to be for?

[mcconnellboys]

Oooooh, that's just wrong. It looks like one of those maimed toys from Toy Story....

[Chelle in MO]

I don't get the reference either, mind explaining to someone as equally as clueless:confused:

 

I'm sorry! I thought I was the ONLY one! Yes, it was referring to biceps being "guns"--like power or a weapon, I guess? :D

 

Slang is a funny, funny thing.

[mcconnellboys]

I can explain the underwear and socks! (Maybe) One of my grandmothers always used to give us those big, Maw-maw cotton panties at Christmas, and/or socks.

 

When I finally got old enough to complain about it, my mom shamed me by telling me how so many poor people (both my parents were from families that had been very poor) didn't have decent underwear during the years of the Depression, Dust Bowl, the two World Wars, etc.

 

Many saved the sacks from flour (which were cotton, flower prints at that time), IF they could afford to even buy a sack of flour, and made those into underwear, or even outerwear. It was a big deal to be able to find enough of the same print to make outerwear. Many had to go without socks.

 

So when the lean years were over and folks were able to have such basics again, it was something they really appreciated and never forgot. My mom said that during the war years, they were overjoyed to get a pair of new underwear at Christmas....

 

I still think of this when I see kids in third world countries wearing ratty old torn underwear as their only clothing.... It gave me a new appreciation for what my Grandma was trying to do. It was unnecessary and I didn't appreciate it at the time, but now I'm most grateful for my nice, soft cotton underwear and socks. I can't imagine life without such basic daily articles of clothing....

[Chelle in MO]

This is quoted around my house all. the. time. Mostly by my dh. :lol:

 

 

 

Believe me, it's quoted around my house all the time, too! I'll NEVER live it down!

 

There was a sportscaster on t.v. the other day who said something like, "Folks, check out the guns on that guy...and for those of you who don't know what guns are, it's his biceps...."

 

All heads turned my way...:glare:

[Chelle in MO]

:lol::lol: That's funny :lol::lol: I was half afraid that "guns" was slang for something else:001_huh::lol:

 

I don't even want to know...or do I?

 

See? I'm still clueless!

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I'm sorry! I thought I was the ONLY one! Yes, it was referring to biceps being "guns"--like power or a weapon, I guess? :D

 

Slang is a funny, funny thing.

You are in good company;):001_smile::lol:

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I don't even want to know...or do I?

 

See? I'm still clueless!

I thought maybe it had to do with his reproductive organs or mean something else sexual. I'm just as clueless:lol:

[Chelle in MO]

I thought maybe it had to do with his reproductive organs or mean something else sexual. I'm just as clueless:lol:

 

O.k., that's where my mind went, but I wasn't sure!! I'm cracking up here! The whole brownchickenbrowncow thing in Parrothead's "Gyped" thread went sailing right over my head today, I'm embarrassed to admit. I may have to ask dh to explain it to me. Or maybe not. :001_huh:

 

ETA: Dh consulted Urban Dictionary--I get it now! I think. :001_huh:

Edited December 24, 2010 by Chelle in MO

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

O.k., that's where my mind went, but I wasn't sure!! I'm cracking up here! The whole brownchickenbrowncow thing in Parrothead's "Gyped" thread went sailing right over my head today, I'm embarrassed to admit. I may have to ask dh to explain it to me. Or maybe not. :001_huh:

 

ETA: Dh consulted Urban Dictionary--I get it now! I think. :001_huh:

I didn't see that thread. Now I'm not sure I want to but may go looking for it anyway;):lol: What you typed about it makes no sense to me so I'm likely as clueless. Like I said, you are in good company;)

 

We have a friend named Darth (yes, it's his real name). One time he was saying that when he was in school if he wasn't getting ribbed for his first name he was getting ribbed for his last name. His last name is Rimmer. I'm like, "What's wrong with Rimmer?" They (the other 2 in this conversation were men, neither was my dh) looked at me in disbelief and (chuckling) said that if I didn't know what was wrong with it they weren't going to tell me. I decided I didn't want to know:lol:

Edited December 24, 2010 by Cheryl in SoCal

[NavyWifeandMommy]

I know this is the vent of your crappy gifts but isn't it the gift that counts? We have our share of gifts that we were like WHAT but we still sent out the thank you cards and I have NEVER regifted a present

[stripe]

I don't see what's wrong with passing along gifts that don't fit you or don't suit you. When you receive a gift, I don't think you have to use it or keep it. I agree with you that you should thank the giver anyway. Sometimes there are differences in age or culture or circumstances that make the giver intend to give you something nice, which may be taken by the recipient as an insult. Also it appears from some of these that the gift giver had some sort of weird agenda, such as the gift of money for a vasectomy. I have definitely gotten my share of weird or useless gifts, but none that are clearly offensive or hostile, as it seems several of the ones others on here have gotten are. I don't think retaliation is the spirit of gift giving, but the recipient does have to deal with such presents that are (apparently) designed to be hurtful or convey a lack of closeness.

 

One doesn't need to be openly ungrateful or scornful, but it's acceptable (I think!) to realize something doesn't need to be in your house. I've certainly been given things I don't use (like a piece of kitchen equipment) or clothes that don't fit or aren't my style. I've also been given clothes for my kids that a) already don't fit, b) won't/don't fit them for the season we're in (for example, a sweater given in the late spring that is already fairly snug). Sometimes you are able to return it to a store and trade for a suitable item, but sometimes not. I think it's better to pass them along, including to a charity, than to throw them in the trash. There are people who can wear my too-small shoes, my kids' too-tight sweaters, and read the second copy of Charlotte's Web that I've received. This is part of being grateful and passing along the blessings that I have to others.

 

However, I would NOT pass along an offensive or tasteless gift such as things that simulate body functions or whatever, and torment someone else!

Edited December 24, 2010 by stripe

[Chelle in MO]

I didn't see that thread. Now I'm not sure I want to but may go looking for it anyway;):lol: What you typed about it makes no sense to me so I'm likely as clueless. Like I said, you are in good company;)

 

We have a friend named Darth (yes, it's his real name). One time he was saying that when he was in school if he wasn't getting ribbed for his first name he was getting ribbed for his last name. His last name is Rimmer. I'm like, "What's wrong with Rimmer?" They (the other 2 in this conversation were men, neither was my dh) looked at me in disbelief and (chuckling) said that if I didn't know what was wrong with it they weren't going to. I decided I didn't want to know:lol:

 

I'm trying not to laugh so loudly that I wake up people! It seems we're two of a kind, Cheryl! The naive kind! :D

[Teachin'Mine]

I was about 12 years old, my brother was 23. He owned a ranch and had always threatened he was going to give me a box of crap for Christmas. That year I started opening the gift from him and his wife. Well it was a box of crap, literally. Cow crap in fact. He was most proud of the fact that it also had a bonus bird turd on top of it.

 

I think we can officially declare this one the winner!!! :tongue_smilie:

[kewb]

I showed that doll head to my dh last night. He wants to know what kind of person thinks a disembodied baby head is what a baby wants to snuggle with.

 

My dd (10) thought it was hysterical but not for a baby.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I'm trying not to laugh so loudly that I wake up people! It seems we're two of a kind, Cheryl! The naive kind! :D

The only way to be:001_smile: Amazingly enough, I went to public school in SoCal and still managed to end up naive. Not as naive as some but apparently more naive than most here:lol:

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I don't see what's wrong with passing along gifts that don't fit you or don't suit you. When you receive a gift, I don't think you have to use it or keep it. I agree with you that you should thank the giver anyway. Sometimes there are differences in age or culture or circumstances that make the giver intend to give you something nice, which may be taken by the recipient as an insult. Also it appears from some of these that the gift giver had some sort of weird agenda, such as the gift of money for a vasectomy. I have definitely gotten my share of weird or useless gifts, but none that are clearly offensive or hostile, as it seems several of the ones others on here have gotten are. I don't think retaliation is the spirit of gift giving, but the recipient does have to deal with such presents that are (apparently) designed to be hurtful or convey a lack of closeness.

 

One doesn't need to be openly ungrateful or scornful, but it's acceptable (I think!) to realize something doesn't need to be in your house. I've certainly been given things I don't use (like a piece of kitchen equipment) or clothes that don't fit or aren't my style. I've also been given clothes for my kids that a) already don't fit, b) won't/don't fit them for the season we're in (for example, a sweater given in the late spring that is already fairly snug). Sometimes you are able to return it to a store and trade for a suitable item, but sometimes not. I think it's better to pass them along, including to a charity, than to throw them in the trash. There are people who can wear my too-small shoes, my kids' too-tight sweaters, and read the second copy of Charlotte's Web that I've received. This is part of being grateful and passing along the blessings that I have to others.

 

However, I would NOT pass along an offensive or tasteless gift such as things that simulate body functions or whatever, and torment someone else!

Unless I'm missing something (always a possibility), people were joking about giving Depends (or something similar) to the in-laws that gave their son and dil money for a vasectomy for Christmas as a hint that they shouldn't have any more children.

 

I think this thread is HYSTERICAL!!! I keep trying to think of something bizarre that I've received but can't think of a thing. We did used to have a can of possum meat (no idea where it originally came from) that used to make the rounds at Christmas. It was so fun to try to remember who got it the year before and figure out who was going to get it that year. We'd find all kinds of ways of packaging it to disguise it. Sadly, it eventually got lost. I bought a can of silk worm larvae (it's Korean) and have intended to start a new rotation with it but haven't gotten around to it.

 

One of my favorite Christmas memories was about some friends and their hideous wrapping paper. The dad worked at Penny's and one year they were giving away rolls of discontinued Christmas wrapping paper to their employees. The dad scored a HUGE roll that was BRIGHT pink with metallic silver Christmas trees on it (can't imagine why it was discontinued, LOL). It was such a HUGE roll that they wrapped all their Christmas presents in it for 15 or 20 years. They never had to put who presents were from because everyone knew. All their kids grew up with their Christmas/birthday/etc presents wrapped up in that paper. It was so hideous but so funny and became a tradition. When the roll finally ran out the parents wrapped a tiny box in the paper like a present and made a Christmas tree ornament for each of the kids (now grown). Now that it's gone, it's missed as it had become such a part of our Christmas memories and I wish I'd have thought to save a scrap to make an ornament.

 

And I have GOT to get one of those butt crack banks!!! Not because I want to offend someone but because I think it's HYSTERICAL and know many who would think the same. Guess I'm low class:lol:

Edited December 24, 2010 by Cheryl in SoCal

[Tammyla]

This thread is so funny, thank you everyone. I needed a tear inducing laugh. The doll head, butt bank and good-gracious... thong from FIL nearly had me on the floor.

[Chelle in MO]

Guess I'm low class:lol:

 

Whoa. Low class AND naive? What a combo! Totally teasing you! ;)

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

Whoa. Low class AND naive? What a combo! Totally teasing you! ;)

:lol: I'm too low class and naive to take offense ;) In fact, I might be so low class and naive that I consider it a compliment :lol:

[Impish]

Oh!

 

MIL had been cleaning out her sister's apt when the sister was admitted for Alzheimer's. She sent us all the toys from storage, etc.

 

Every. last. one.of.them. had mould. I had to toss them all out. She was mad at ME over it. *sigh*

[Mothersweets]

I didn't see that thread. Now I'm not sure I want to but may go looking for it anyway;):lol: What you typed about it makes no sense to me so I'm likely as clueless. Like I said, you are in good company;)

 

We have a friend named Darth (yes, it's his real name). One time he was saying that when he was in school if he wasn't getting ribbed for his first name he was getting ribbed for his last name. His last name is Rimmer. I'm like, "What's wrong with Rimmer?" They (the other 2 in this conversation were men, neither was my dh) looked at me in disbelief and (chuckling) said that if I didn't know what was wrong with it they weren't going to tell me. I decided I didn't want to know:lol:

 

 

I don't get it? :001_huh: I've never heard anything using that word - rimmer? Could you clue me in? please?

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

I don't get it? :001_huh: I've never heard anything using that word - rimmer? Could you clue me in? please?

Judging from their reactions I'm guessing that it's some kind of sexual slang and figured I'm better off not knowing. Welcome to the club :001_smile:

[Miss Peregrine]

Judging from their reactions I'm guessing that it's some kind of sexual slang and figured I'm better off not knowing. Welcome to the club :001_smile:

 

You don't want to know.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

You don't want to know.

That's what I thought. Am I correct that it's sexual slang?

[Miss Peregrine]

That's what I thought. Am I correct that it's sexual slang?

 

Yes.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

Yes.

Thanks:001_smile:

[Chelle in MO]

:lol: I'm too low class and naive to take offense ;) In fact, I might be so low class and naive that I consider it a compliment :lol:

 

ROFL!

 

I don't get it? :001_huh: I've never heard anything using that word - rimmer? Could you clue me in? please?

 

Yea! Another one of us, Cheryl! ;) You're in good company, Mothersweets!

 

Now I have to ask dh about the other word. I think I'll be sorry (because I have a vague idea of what it might be referring to), but not knowing will bug me!

[*Inna*]

Why oh why did I go to urban dictionary to look up the word "rimmer"?!

 

:001_huh:

[Mothersweets]

Judging from their reactions I'm guessing that it's some kind of sexual slang and figured I'm better off not knowing. Welcome to the club :001_smile:

 

Well, thank you! Proud to be a member. :D

[Mothersweets]

Why oh why did I go to urban dictionary to look up the word "rimmer"?!

 

:001_huh:

 

Dear heavens, why oh why did I read your post and go do the exact same thing? aaaacckkk!

 

and does this mean I'm out of the club? :(

[RoughCollie]

Why oh why did I go to urban dictionary to look up the word "rimmer"?! :001_huh:

 

Thank you for posting this warning. As a result, I am still Pure. :D

[*Inna*]

Can't we just get a warning and stay in the club? I like to be naive, it feels so warm and fuzzy. :D

[Miss Peregrine]

Can't we just get a warning and stay in the club? I like to be naive, it feels so warm and fuzzy. :D

 

Okay. But just this once. :D

[Dmmetler]

Since DD's 2nd birthday, she always seems to get a ton of gifts appropriate for a child who is younger than she is-baby rattles marked 0+ at age 2, fisher-price preschool toys at age 6, when she'd moved away from dinosaurs two years back, a size 4-5 Pocohontas dress up set at age 7 and so on.

 

Luckily her birthday is in November-so every year she gets to take the things that she doesn't want to the nice Marines manning the Toys for Tots box ;). The hard part is making her write the thank you note first-and NOT mentioning where the gift is destined to go.

 

ie "Dear Grandma, thank you for the nice dress up set. I'm sure some preschooler is going to love it!"

 

 

 

 

[momto2Cs]

I got a size 22 shirt from a family member who always talks about how much smaller they are than me when they were my age. At the time and currently they are about 60 pounds heavier than me. The problem is I have never been bigger than a size 12 or 14. At the time I was a size 12. I was mortified and embarrassed!

 

That sounds exactly like my MIL! She's always asking me if the (gigantic) clothes she buys me are "going to be big enough". I think maybe she has me confused with dh's ex-girlfriend, who was on the larger side.

 

The worst gift I can remember getting was a sweater, from my uncle and his new wife, when I was 13. It was super tight, and there was a starfish right over each bOOb. I was developed for a 13 year old, and very self-conscious, and they wanted to see me in it immediately! They said they knew I "liked sea creatures" and thought it was a "lovely" sweater. They gave my sister, age 7 at the time, a set of Peter Rabbit board books, and my 9 year old brother got a tape measure. It was just weird.

 

[eloquacious]

 

LOL

I was a couple months away from having our third when they did that.

And I AM pregnant this Christmas!

 

I think they've finally given up hope.

Only your third?! I am pregnant with my third, and I thought that in all but the most intense "you owe it to society/the environment not to do more than reproduce yourselves" circles three was still appropriate? Wow. I mean, we are done with this one, but that has more to do with my body and its issues with carrying ze bebes than anything else. For anyone to dare tell me what to do... Wow. Just wow.

[eloquacious]

Reading some of these gift descriptions reminds me of my husband's office white elephant gift parties. The fact that they were given sincerely, not ironically... Well. :)

[Plink]

Thank you anonymous spammer for bringing this thread back to life.  I think I love it more now, than I did then.

[houseofkids&pets]

:iagree: I was hitting the "like" button on some of the posts before I realized how old this thread was.  It was quite funny though, so I am glad it was resurrected.

[ocelotmom]

Yay zombie thread!

 

My strangest was when my grandparents gave me a self-lighting, color-changing artificial Christmas tree for my birthday... which is in August. I used it for several years (at Christmas) until it broke during a move, but it was a bit baffling at the time.

[PeachyDoodle]

These are hysterical!

 

My MIL takes the cake around here. Fortunately, she's not rude, just... clueless. :glare:

 

When dh and I were dating, she gave me a Precious Moments figurine/Christmas ornament. A sweet little girl, clutching a book to her chest. I'm a bookworm, so this seemed apropos, until I looked closer and saw the book was titled "Baby Names" and the girl was pregnant. (Did I mention I was 15 at the time?) I still feel bad about blurting out -- loudly -- "She's pregnant!" and embarassing my poor MIL.

 

At dd's first Christmas, MIL announced that she wanted to start the baby with some kind of collection. I loved that idea... until I opened the box containing the first of what dh dubbed "the porn kitties." Seriously, these were, um, suggestive porcelain cat figurines. For a 6-month-old. We smiled and said thank you for the first one, despite its copious cleavage. But the next year, when we helped our toddler open a statue of a cat wearing stilettos and leaning against a stop sign (I kid. you. not.), dh had to have a chat with his mom re: appropriate gifts.

 

The worst part was, these things were very high end -- she was spending $100+ on them!

[vickjul]

During the mid-90s, I taught English at a private language institute in South Korea. At that time, western foodstuffs were a rarity. Peanut butter occasionally showed up at the high-end department store supermarkets, but cost $10+/jar. Cheese was rarely found outside the gray market stores that illegally resold goods purchased at U.S. military commissaries. But Spam had taken the country by storm (largely because it was a key ingredient in a popular stew born out of the Korean War).

 

Now the holidays presented a bit of a problem for my then-employer. He wanted to gift all of his employees equally, but the foreign teachers had not been overly-excited about the 3 liters of oil and 12-pack of pine needle toothpaste he gave us for Chuseok. So when Christmas rolled around, he decided that Spam would be the best solution to his gift dilemma. He knew that the Korean staff would appreciate it, and since it was a "western" food, he was sure we foreigners would love it. So on the last day of classes, we all arrived to find beautifully wrapped boxes on our desks -- gift packs containing 24 cans of Spam.

 

At the time, I was sharing an apartment with three other foreign teachers, so among us we got 96 cans of the stuff. That's a lot of Spam. And did I mention that of the four of us, three of us were vegetarians and the fourth did not eat pork?

 

There was no way in heck we could fit 96 cans of Spam in our kitchen cabinets, so it all ended up out on an unheated porch while we tried to figure out what to do with it. We couldn't refuse the gift without offending our employer. We couldn't pass it on to the Korean employees who might have actually used it without word getting back to and, again, offending our employer. We couldn't pass it on to our foreign coworkers because they too were drowning in it. So we reluctantly decided to slip it out of the apartment little by little and simply throw it away ... except you can't just throw garbage away in Korea. Food must be disposed of in food waste bags. Metal cans must be recycled, and labels must be removed and recycled separately from the cans. Remember the unheated porch storage solution? Well, Korea gets c-o-l-d in the winter, and by the time we decided to dispose of the Spam, all 96 cans were frozen solid. We managed to chisel the stuff out of 2 or 3 cans before deciding we needed an alternate disposal strategy.

 

In the end, we trekked around town until we found a budae chigae (Spam stew) restaurant. Late that night, we trekked back to said restaurant and, under the cover of darkness, deposited 90+ cans of Spam on their kitchen porch. Guess the stuff made the holidays a little brighter for some proprietor, at least!