Expectations for cleaning up for a 5 and 3 year old...

[staceyobu]

I have a five almost six year old and a 3.5 year old. Getting them to pick up toys is a huge battle and takes forever. I have all the toys in organized bins that are very easy to distinguish (block bin, car bin, wedgit bin, etc). We could probably cut back the number of toys, but I don't know that I feel that we have a ridiculous amount of stuff.

 

I feel that even with my 3.5 year old, I should be able to say "go pick up blocks" and have him go do that. Instead, I pretty much have to stand over him and say "pick up the yellow one, now the blue one, don't leave, pick up another". My five year old is slightly better, albeit not by much.

 

So, what do I do? Are they just too young to really help much? Should I reduce the toys down to three apiece?

 

Ugh!

Edited November 18, 2010 by staceyobu

[LibraryLover]

[quote name=staceyobu;2191373

say "go pick up blocks" and have him go do that. Instead' date=' I pretty much have to stand over him and say "pick up the yellow one, now the blue one, don't leave, pick up another". My five year old is slightly better, albeit not by much.

 

So, what do I do? Are they just too young to really help much? Do I need to crack the whip? Should I reduce the toys down to three apiece?

 

Ugh!

 

The first part makes sense.

 

The' crack the whip' part doesnt to me.

 

You can crack all of the whips you want, of course. But why?

[Night Elf]

My, your children are very young to be worried about cracking a whip! Egads! I'll assume that was a joke. :)

 

When my children were that young, they helped ME clean up. I praised them for whatever they did but they were not ready for vague or multi-step directions. By having them help me, I was modeling to them how it should be done. And we sang the Clean up song from Barney while we did it which always made it more fun.

 

For your 3 year old, you should sit on the floor with him and say, 'let's find all the blocks and put them in their box' and he will probably do it with you. Developmentally, children under the age of 5 need to have the parent doing the action with them.

[Dawn in OH]

From my experience, my oldest is 9 1/2, you need to give guided instructions on clean up, and will continue to need to do so probably longer than you think you should have to.

[Unicorn.]

My, your children are very young to be worried about cracking a whip! Egads! I'll assume that was a joke. :)

 

When my children were that young, they helped ME clean up. I praised them for whatever they did but they were not ready for vague or multi-step directions. By having them help me, I was modeling to them how it should be done. And we sang the Clean up song from Barney while we did it which always made it more fun.

 

For your 3 year old, you should sit on the floor with him and say, 'let's find all the blocks and put them in their box' and he will probably do it with you. Developmentally, children under the age of 5 need to have the parent doing the action with them.

 

Yes, exactly. You sit on the floor, and pick up w/ them. You model, they help. :grouphug: They grow up fast, don't rush it.

[IsabelC]

Depends on the individual kids of course.

 

I would expect the 3yo to only do it if you're there doing it with him. Some tots of that age are great little cleaners, but most won't stay on task long enough to pick up an area by themselves, so maybe your best bet might be to make it a game.

 

Your elder child at nearly 6 is probably capable of doing it more independently provided she has learned the procedure. Some kids will naturally learn how to pick up a room, but other kids will need to be taught it as a skill, just like you might teach tying up shoelaces, otherwise they just don't know where to start (I know it looks obvious to us, but a mess can be quite overwhelming to a small child). So you might need to do it together, explaining as you go, a few times before you expect your child to do it by herself.

Edited November 18, 2010 by Hotdrink

[staceyobu]

I'm gonna edit out the 'crack the whip' comment to avoid confusion. I just meant, is it a discipline issue? Like, do they need a two minute time out for refusing to help.

Edited November 18, 2010 by staceyobu

[IsabelC]

I'm gonna edit out the 'crack the whip' comment to avoid confusion. I just meant, is it a discipline issue. Like, do they need a two minute time out for refusing to help.

I say that all the time too. I had no idea people could take it literally, and now I'm wondering what reactions I might have caused when I mentioned that I was planning to crack the whip on my husband :lol:

[staceyobu]

I say that all the time too. I had no idea people could take it literally, and now I'm wondering what reactions I might have caused when I mentioned that I was planning to crack the whip on my husband :lol:

 

Yeah... is this a regional expression? I use it a lot... and hear it used a lot. No literal whip cracking intended. I don't even own a whip!

[WiseOwlKnits]

I have a 6- and (almost) 4-year old. It's far easier for them to pick up if they don't get a lot of stuff out to begin with. We have bins of toys too and my rule is that you need to put up 1 bin before you can get out another. This makes it a LOT easier than when the floor is covered in toys from 3-4 different bins. And it keeps them from feeling overwhelmed.

 

Whatever toys they don't pick up go in a "toy time-out" for a week. We definitely had to put toys in time out - quite a bit to start with - but even my 3-year old knew the rule after a week well enough that he'd pick up without me having to tell him to.

 

That's my trick.

[Starr]

I'd forgotten about toy time outs. They work well for naughty toys too. "If that toy can't behave it will have to have a time out until tomorrow." :)

[kathkath]

My kids do a lot better when I rake it into a pile first. Then it is less overwhelming and everything is near where it's supposed to end up. :001_smile:

[Soror]

I have a 6 and 3.5 y.o. The 3.5 y.o. needs lots of specific guidance- do this job first and then this job. I just did a massive cleaning out of toys, so she just has a few different things, dress-up, tea party, books and a few more things. She can and does do her room on her own for the most part. However, that is only now that I have paired things down so much. Before I had them both together and with both of their toys and messes together I had to do a lot more directing. She kinda makes her own bed, but I do a lot of that. She puts up her own clothes but again I sorted things out- pjs/undies/socks- play clothes-town clothes- there are only 3 drawers.

 

The 6 yo gets little guidance from me at this point but has in the past. He has bins and places for all his things as well, he has more stuff as he can keep up with more. He makes his own bed entirely, although it isn't the neatest he does pretty good. He puts his own clothes away, I have his dresser sorted the same. He just started doing his hanging clothes as well- he can put them on a hanger and with his new chiffrobe he can reach to put them up as well.

 

They do room clean-up daily but I periodically check in on them and see that everything is still where it is supposed to be. My motto with the kids if you cannot keep it picked up you have too many things, I keep the same motto for myself as well. If it is getting cluttery and I cannot maintain basic cleaness- relatively easily then I got to de-clutter. I do this usually several times a year.

[Laura Corin]

When mine were that age, I was still standing with them and redirecting them when they got distracted. I think that little ones get so overwhelmed by mess that their minds wander.

 

Laura

[texasmama]

Haven't read the other replies, but that sounds pretty normal and typical to me. Yes, reduce the number of toys. Get a laundry basket and put some toys in it and rotate those with the ones you leave. This leaves less to clean up and the toys are "new". I have to give my 5 year old specific, one at a time instructions followed by a lot of praise. With my older kids, I can set a timer and tell them to work for 15 minutes as fast as they can to "beat the clock", with the caveat that they must put things away in the correct place. This is very motivating for them. You can reduce the time to five minutes for your older child and make it sound like a fun, exciting competition.:D

[LibraryLover]

When mine were that age, I was still standing with them and redirecting them when they got distracted. I think that little ones get so overwhelmed by mess that their minds wander.

 

Laura

 

 

Yes.

 

It's much eaiser to take out all the blocks and little animals and cars to build a city and farm than it is to put it all back nicely on the sheleves. Breaking it down as the OP suggested is helpful to young children, not to mention less overwhelming. Getting in there and helping them suggests to small children that it's not an impossible and distasteful task.

[kalphs]

When Dd was young Dh and I would play or sing the "Clean Up Song" from either Barney or Blues Clues.

While singing our entire family would pick up together.

[Whereneverever]

When Dd was young Dh and I would play or sing the "Clean Up Song" from either Barney or Blues Clues.

While singing our entire family would pick up together.

This is exactly what we do!

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

My, your children are very young to be worried about cracking a whip! Egads! I'll assume that was a joke. :)

 

When my children were that young, they helped ME clean up. I praised them for whatever they did but they were not ready for vague or multi-step directions. By having them help me, I was modeling to them how it should be done. And we sang the Clean up song from Barney while we did it which always made it more fun.

 

For your 3 year old, you should sit on the floor with him and say, 'let's find all the blocks and put them in their box' and he will probably do it with you. Developmentally, children under the age of 5 need to have the parent doing the action with them.

[staceyobu]

Thanks for the advice. I really didn't think it was a case of my expectations being too high. I think I will start with putting half the toys away to reduce my work load. I don't have time to clean up everything alone ten times a day... so maybe that means there is too much stuff!

 

A follow up question... At what age should I expect a child to clean up their mess? If they dump a box of blocks and refuse to help clean it, at what age should their be a consequence for that? I guess I've had a fear that a not helping five year old will turn into a not helping 12 year old. But, I guess they grow into it!!

[Giraffe]

DD (3.5) cleans up with me. I praise her help, try to overlook her not helping (if she's just distracted and being 3). However, last night she was "helping" clean up floor puzzles and started throwing pieces around and at me. I gave her a couple verbal directions to stop doing that. I then told her if she did it again I would put the puzzle away until tomorrow. She threw a piece at me (with malice of forethought). I picked up the rest of the puzzle and put it up on the highest shelf. She threw a fit, but the puzzle stayed in what I guess was "time out".

 

So much fun...

[texasmama]

The age at which they can become more independent probably differs depending on the child. I do know that if I give a small incentive for getting my boys' room spotless, including the closet:tongue_smilie:, they usually do a very good job. The last time we did this, the incentive was a small Sonic drink during half price "happy hour" time.

 

Also, when my kids were younger, I learned to have only the amount of toys available that I was willing to pick up.:tongue_smilie: This is what worked best to save my sanity.

[Dawn in OH]

 

A follow up question... At what age should I expect a child to clean up their mess? If they dump a box of blocks and refuse to help clean it, at what age should their be a consequence for that? I guess I've had a fear that a not helping five year old will turn into a not helping 12 year old. But, I guess they grow into it!!

 

 

We have a 3 year old. The other day my husband asked him to clean up his train set before taking out a puzzle. My son would not clean up the trains. He lost his train privileges for the next day. Three is not too young for a consequence for not cleaning up.

 

If my older kids don't clean up, they lose the offending items for a week.

[Dawn in OH]

Thanks for the advice. I really didn't think it was a case of my expectations being too high. I think I will start with putting half the toys away to reduce my work load. I don't have time to clean up everything alone ten times a day... so maybe that means there is too much stuff!

 

 

 

I forgot I wanted to add this....

Box up a portion of the toys and put them away. In a few months when they are bored or driving you insane, or you just need them to be quiet for a little while, pull out the box again. Toys that haven't been seen in a while are new and exciting. It's like Christmas morning. Rotate the toys every few months.

[staceyobu]

We have a 3 year old. The other day my husband asked him to clean up his train set before taking out a puzzle. My son would not clean up the trains. He lost his train privileges for the next day. Three is not too young for a consequence for not cleaning up.

 

If my older kids don't clean up, they lose the offending items for a week.

 

Hmm. I'm really feeling confused on this issue after this thread. I've been working hard with my kids to get them to help around the house. My five year old folds wash rags, makes her bed each day, puts dirty clothes in the hamper. Are these acceptable age appropriate tasks? Or have I been doing the equivalent of trying to get a 2 week old to sleep through the night?

 

My three year old is expected to make his bed, put his clothes in the hamper, and help his sister and me pick up toys. I would like for him to pick up blocks while I am near him cleaning up something else. I am going to change and always clean up the same item with him. However, I'm questioning now if I should expect him to help or just let him play? And, should I ask him to do tasks like make his bed? For whatever reason, they never grumble about making the beds, I guess it's been built into the morning routine really well. But, obviously it is killing time they could be spending playing... So, maybe it's not worth the beds being made to take away play time?

 

Is there a website or book that tells age appropriate tasks? Like a child should make their bed at age 7 or 10? Help put away clothes at 6 or 8?

[cmarango]

I have a dd about the same age. She will put her clothes on hangers and put them in her closet. She cleans up her room when I ask her to, but I have found that you do need to reduce the number of toys that are out. She has maybe 4-5 toys out and about the same number of books...more than that becomes too much for her. The other toys I put up in her closet and then she has to specifically ask to get something down and I make sure that she cleans it up before going on to the next thing.

 

Think about this...how do you feel when there are a bunch of things all over the house that you need to clean up? Most of the time I feel overwhelmed and I don't know where to start first.

 

My dd also helps to clean the bathrooms, dusts, folds baby wipes and diapers, hangs clothes up to dry, pulls weeds, and puts dishes in the dishwasher. All of these things she enjoys and gets upset if i try to help her along. She hasn't been able to make her bed yet though.

[Dawn in OH]

Hmm. I'm really feeling confused on this issue after this thread. I've been working hard with my kids to get them to help around the house. My five year old folds wash rags, makes her bed each day, puts dirty clothes in the hamper. Are these acceptable age appropriate tasks? Or have I been doing the equivalent of trying to get a 2 week old to sleep through the night?

 

My three year old is expected to make his bed, put his clothes in the hamper, and help his sister and me pick up toys. I would like for him to pick up blocks while I am near him cleaning up something else. I am going to change and always clean up the same item with him. However, I'm questioning now if I should expect him to help or just let him play? And, should I ask him to do tasks like make his bed? For whatever reason, they never grumble about making the beds, I guess it's been built into the morning routine really well. But, obviously it is killing time they could be spending playing... So, maybe it's not worth the beds being made to take away play time?

 

 

I think those are perfectly acceptable tasks for the age. That's great that your little one's help.

 

I have trouble getting my 8 and 9 year old children to do this stuff. They can't seem to remember to do them. I have to chase them around reminding them and then checking their work. I even tried giving them a checklist of daily chores.

 

When I give them a basket of towels to fold I get moaning, groaning and stalling. But I keep plugging away, giving them the jobs.

 

My three year old, on the other hand, will put all stray towels and laundry he finds into the nearest laundry basket. Sometimes he's putting dirty items in a basket of clean, but I'm thankful that one of my children has my cleaning gene.

 

I *think* it would be easier to start a child on these chores from a young age than to suddenly introduce the idea at age 8 or 10 and expect compliance from someone who is used to not having to do it. But that's just my opinion.

[EKS]

You clean up and they help. The idea is that things get cleaned up and that they participate in the process. By the time they're 23, they will be able to manage on their own.

 

Only joking on that last part. Sort of.

[staceyobu]

You clean up and they help. The idea is that things get cleaned up and that they participate in the process. By the time they're 23, they will be able to manage on their own.

 

Only joking on that last part. Sort of.

 

Should I stop the chores they are currently doing?

[LittleIzumi]

I have those ages. At the end of the day, they pick up their stuff. I usually sit in a chair and direct, LOL. At first it was hover and point to each thing. Then it was point to each thing but they would run and grab it. Now, after about a month, I can say "it's time to clean up" and they'll clean most of the things off of the floor, and I only have to point out the last couple when they declare it "all clean."

[2squared]

I don't have time to clean up everything alone ten times a day... so maybe that means there is too much stuff!

 

We (which includes me helping alongside) only pick up once per day. right before dh comes home. As long as we are consistent with completing the pick-up. it is rarely overwhelming.

 

A follow up question... At what age should I expect a child to clean up their mess? If they dump a box of blocks and refuse to help clean it, at what age should their be a consequence for that? I guess I've had a fear that a not helping five year old will turn into a not helping 12 year old. But, I guess they grow into it!!

 

My 2.5yo is expected to help clean up. If she dumps blocks, she is expected to pick them up when I tell her to, but I don't expect her to initiate the clean-up. She does receive consequences for not helping if she's been given a direct, specific, age-appropriate job. She does little things like throw away trash/diapers, put laundry away, pick up toys, and set the table.

[beaners]

Hmm. I'm really feeling confused on this issue after this thread. I've been working hard with my kids to get them to help around the house. My five year old folds wash rags, makes her bed each day, puts dirty clothes in the hamper. Are these acceptable age appropriate tasks? Or have I been doing the equivalent of trying to get a 2 week old to sleep through the night?

 

My three year old is expected to make his bed, put his clothes in the hamper, and help his sister and me pick up toys. I would like for him to pick up blocks while I am near him cleaning up something else. I am going to change and always clean up the same item with him. However, I'm questioning now if I should expect him to help or just let him play? And, should I ask him to do tasks like make his bed? For whatever reason, they never grumble about making the beds, I guess it's been built into the morning routine really well. But, obviously it is killing time they could be spending playing... So, maybe it's not worth the beds being made to take away play time?

 

Is there a website or book that tells age appropriate tasks? Like a child should make their bed at age 7 or 10? Help put away clothes at 6 or 8?

 

My three year old is still in a crib, so we don't make beds. I don't make my own bed either. Pulling the blankets up and light tucking shouldn't scar either of those children though. None of those other things seem unreasonable to me either. My 18 month old is fully capable of picking up her dirty clothes and putting them into a laundry basket, if I ask. That shouldn't be a tough routine at all.

 

If there is something motivating my three year old, like the opportunity to take out her broom or go bake, she has no problem cleaning up our living room/play area. It is a little bit of a battle the rest of the time. It is worse when I've cleaned things up by myself for a few days and then ask for help. If I am cleaning something else, my three year old is able to perform another task nearby. "Put all the blocks into the yellow drawer." "Ok, now the ponies all go in the red drawer. Oops, you missed one next to the tv. Do you see it?" It doesn't always happen quickly in the beginning, but the pace picks up once the room is halfway clean.

 

I see nothing wrong with what you are doing for children at those ages. I also wouldn't have looked twice at the expression "crack the whip."

[Soror]

I think your expectations sound good. I agree that you need to start young, if you wait until older then you are likely to get lots of rebellion. Besides the fact that kids can do things and it is good for their self-esteem to learn these things for themselves.

 

However, I think the other things are key:

1)reducing the number of things -

2) explicit direction- especially for the younger- the youngest LOVES to help but needs to be told exactly what to do

3)one direction at a time for the smallest

4)consequences when the job isn't job- we do not do spanking but as I said toys go away if the place is a consistent mess

5) frequent pick-ups- if you wait too long- no more than a day here- it gets too overwhelming for them- plus the more often it is done the more it ingrains the habit

6) I do step in now and again as needed as well- if I have fallen away from directing it to get done and inspecting and it gets too dirty then I help- I know if it is too much they just get overwhelmed and shut down.

[Littlemother]

I would expept an almost 6 year old to clean up without being told. A 3 year, maybe, but I would expect a 3 year old to clean when told The best way to get a young child to do a chore is to turn it into a game. For example, time them to see how fast they can put away the blocks.

[EKS]

Should I stop the chores they are currently doing?

 

I think you should do what works and what causes the least amount of stress.

 

Just to put some perspective on things, my 14yo looked at the (very dirty) floor and decided to vacuum the house. So it does get through. Eventually.