Do you tell your kids about things like the "choking game?"

[klmama]

I struggle with telling my dc about things like this, because I don't want to put ideas in their heads. On the other hand, I want them to know about the awful consequences. How do you determine when to tell your dc about the stupid things some kids do for fun?

[Claire]

No. Not unless she sees something on tv or in the newspapers, or hears something from friends. Then I will go into the whole explanation-of-consequences routine.

[Plucky]

Yes, I told my oldest when he was 13 and it was a big thing in our area. I told him why kids do it and that he can DIE if he does it. He got the message.

[asher]

I haven't no, but the things he learns from "Survivorman" and "Man vs. Wild" are going to put us out of a home or give us an ample supply of "game" for the next winter. :glare:

[Plucky]

I know! I keep worrying my younger boy is going to pee on his shirt and wrap it around his head some summer day in the future. Ack.

[asher]

:lol: I hadn't thought of that. At least they'll be prepared. LOL.

[j.griff]

I have no idea what you're talking about, never heard of it. I'm afraid to google it, LOL cause I don't want to read about strange fetishes.

I'm guessing that kids choke each other? Alrighty then. I would NOT tell my kids about something like that, cause they are young. My oldest is reading over my shoulder though, but she's not stupid and wouldn't do something like that. (I'm hoping that no one here has a child who's done such a thing).

[Colleen]

Don't have a clue what the o.p. is talking about, though the term "choking game" is somewhat self-explanatory. Can't imagine if I did know about it I'd feel compelled to specifically raise the topic with my boys.

[Anne]

As long as I knew exactly where and with whom my dds were around, I was in no rush to tell them anything... They both played sports with kids from all over the community, so they were "exposed" to lots of things, but there were no opportunities for things like the "choking game".

 

However, at a certain age, around 13 or so, both my dds went away from home overnight in situations where things were a little more uncontrolled. At that point, we had some frank conversations on "stupid kid tricks" and other issues - mostly to just make sure there wasn't any confusion on their part about how to handle any potentially difficult situations. Obviously, I felt they were trustworthy and I thought they were going into safe situations or they wouldn't have gone. But I wanted to be sure that I had prepared them to the best of my ability.

 

Anne

[DawnUK]

Someone please explain!

 

--Dawn

[DIY-DY]

I struggle with telling my dc about things like this, because I don't want to put ideas in their heads. On the other hand, I want them to know about the awful consequences. How do you determine when to tell your dc about the stupid things some kids do for fun?

 

We tell the boys when it's something that we think they might come across. For instance, there is one boy in their Cub Scout pack who is quite an instigator, and he has, more than once, attempted to convince the boys to do things through "dares" or "challenges" - thankfully, both times the boys stood together and told him there was no way they'd join in his latest schemes. However, Dh and I realized that this kid might come up with some really dangerous suggestions that the boys may not realize are bad ideas (not the choking game - DS7 was choked by a cousin this past summer, and it scared all of us so badly they may not ever wear neckties, let alone permit someone to touch their necks!)

 

We've discussed meth b/c it's rampant in our community and although we're vigilant, the boys are getting older and we wanted to have an established dialogue with them before someone else tried to start one that might take another direction, kwim? We discussed huffing (paint) b/c a boy died from it not too long after we moved here. Then, we discussed the whole huffing of compressed air b/c I just *knew* they'd fall for the whole "it's harmless" thing, and think it was cool to blow each other's hair or faces with it... so yeah, although I don't think they would inhale it intentionally, I didn't want to risk an accidental whatever, either. It was better to know. Not a week after we discussed it with him, a local boy did die from inhaling fumes, so that was timely.

 

On a humorous note, about the meth discussion. One of our discussions came up when we had to get something from the pharmacy, and the pharmacist wanted my signature for it. The boys and I talked about the why's and how's of it, and part of the discussion included how meth can be made from readily available materials. Conversation ended. We moved on. Then, at the boys' FIRST Cub Scout meeting, they heard a talk from a Deputy about drugs, and my DS9 pipes up with, "My Mom said meth is really easy to make in your basement or garage."

 

Uh... :eek: Could ya clarify that a bit? (NO, of course he couldn't.) In trying to be "helpful", he threw out a couple more comments that were equally ambiguous before DH could signal to him to ix-nay on the alk-tay and just shut up and listen. So there we were, unknown to anybody in the troop who could have verified our character, and our kid is telling a law enforcement officer that his mother is all about how easy it is to make meth! I wanted to die on the spot.

[pixelroper]

I haven't felt the need to discuss this yet. I do wonder how long the list of these things is going to be when I get to that point.:glare: One poster pointed out wanting to get a dialog going before it had a chance to come up elsewhere- I think that is the thing to do, I'm guessing 12/13? *sigh*

[DIY-DY]

I know! I keep worrying my younger boy is going to pee on his shirt and wrap it around his head some summer day in the future. Ack.

 

As curious as I am to see that show, and I'm sure the boys would LOVE it, I can see that happening around here... and... *shudder*! LOL!

[DIY-DY]

Someone please explain!

 

--Dawn

 

The article says that of the 82 children who died (media reported), nearly all of the parents were not even aware of the choking game, or what it was, at the time their children died.

 

Now, WHY this "game" would be appealing, I'm not sure, but I suppose it's easy to convince someone to give it a shot if someone else claims to have done it and "is fine". It's a scary thought.

 

WebMD article on the Choking Game

 

HTH,

Dy

[DawnUK]

The article says that of the 82 children who died (media reported), nearly all of the parents were not even aware of the choking game, or what it was, at the time their children died.

 

Now, WHY this "game" would be appealing, I'm not sure, but I suppose it's easy to convince someone to give it a shot if someone else claims to have done it and "is fine". It's a scary thought.

 

WebMD article on the Choking Game

 

HTH,

Dy

 

Thanks for the link. How strange! I just asked my dd11 if she'd ever heard of it, and thankfully she hasn't. I do agree that arming kids with information before a situation arises is important. You can be there in their head a little, if it ever does. BTW, I can totally relate to your Cub Scout story!

 

--Dawn

[Pamela H in Texas]

Yes, I tell my kids about this. They are bright and telling them and expressing how dangerous and ridiculous these types of things are is important. But the way I do it is to get THEM thinking about why it's a bad idea. See, whatever the next thing is, I want them to think "how could this be a bad idea?" So yes, I told them about people using belts to strangle themselves, sufficating themselves with marshmallows, huffing, "cheese", water funneling, etc. Oh, every time a PSA comes on tv about "talk to your kids about drugs" we have a little thing we do also.

 

Pixel, I'm not sure when the right age is. I do think our kids sometimes can be more protected so we might be able to wait a little longer. But I think 12 is probably pushing it. I would think my kids were 10ish. Inculcate good thinking and how they can respond in these situations a tad bit earlier than you think they'd encounter the situation (12 is about that time, I'd think). That will give them plenty of time to mull things over, ask questions, talk further with you, and will protect them. We hear so many times of preteens doing all the things we think of just happening with 15yos (pregnancy, drugs, stupid acts, etc). I think we moms have to make sure not to play ostrich too long.

[Peela]

I have talked to my kids about the choking game (kids choke themselves/each other till they pass out, there have been fatalities). With the ages of my kids, and the fact they spend many hours at Scouts with other kids, who I don't know well enough to know for sure they wouldn't be silly enough to do such things, I feel they are better off forewarned.

If my kids were little, I wouldn't, but they mix in the world a fair bit nowadays, mainly with Scouts, and I feel it is better they hear things like that from their dad and I , than see it first and think it's safe, then hear our warnings too late, or dismiss us as being fuddy duddies or overprotective.

We read about things like that in the newspaper, which we have delivered daily, and we often read snippets from the paper aloud to the other members of the family if they seem relevent or interesting. So, that conversation came up after one of us read an article about the choking game, and shared it. We cover lots of other issues like that in the same way.

[Guest Amy in MS]

I was introduced to the choking game as an elementary school kid--long ago :)

I didn't want to play though, but watched as a sister and brother repeatedly choked one another till they passed out.

While I might not go into detail about these games with my kids (especially since the eldest is just 7) we do discuss dangerous activities thought. If she ever heard about it I'd explain exactly what it was and see if she could determine for herself why it was potentially deadly. Which is not to say it wouldn't explain it today if I felt the need.

Amy

[Nestof3]

No, I don't see any benefit in sharing those things -- funny stories, yes, but not dangerous things. Well, I did mention the sniffing white out to my oldest when I explained why they made buying glues under the age of 18 illegal. He asked what kind of idiot thought of sniffing the stuff in the first place.

[Jennifer in MI]

Yes! I tell my kids about all the stupid stuff that I hear about others doing. I want them to know how dangerous it is so that if they're ever faced with any of it at a party they'll know about it and how stupid it is!!

[Chris in VA]

Unfortunately, it was my son who told ME about the choking game. And myriad other things. He is the one we sent to public school, because we didn't really even consider homeschooling back then, and we thought he'd be fine 'cause he's bright and social. He's also the one who just came home after a year of drug/mental health rehab in various places.

 

I think it's extremely important to for parents to be up to speed about things like cutting/sib, choking games, drug use, "friends with benefits," and other teenage culture. And to know it starts young--really young, like 10, sometimes. We come from a nice neighborhood, in a "great" school district, with a mix of cultures and races and religions. I'm a SAHM who homeschools, been married 22 years, my hubby is a priest, we are conservative Christians, we have good morals and values, we discipline, we talk to our kids, we allow self expression but not disrespect, we spend lots of time with our kids, we put monitoring software on the computer....on and on. And still, ds started drinking at 12, hiding wine (which we don't drink excessively at all) in his juice.A kid from church introduced him to porn. He started cutting in 7th grade. He started stealing in 8th. We got counseling. We took family trips. We did what we thought and others thought was healthy. And still, we had to put him in residential treatment.

 

The hard thing is, we can't control every aspect of our kids' environment, and even when we try, they still have choice. We have got to be aware, and we have got to equip them to make great choices, not based on how they feel, but on what they know is right. And they have to accept what you think is right as their values--at least to a point. Most kids will, but some won't--so what do we do when our kids choose to hang out with the kids that don't choose wisely? Surely we can homeschool. Surely we can monitor relationships, and advise. Surely we can protect, can't we? I wish we could wrap our kids up and keep all evil from them. Wish I could've kept that mentally ill young woman who taught ds to cut away from him. Wish I had homeschooled him then, but I didn't even know it was an option.

 

Do we tell them about these "other Kids" who do these bad things? When? Maybe before they start wondering if the other kids are right, and we are wrong. Maybe before they start the self-differentiation process to the extent that they find their peers more interesting, more relevant, more exciting and more "right" than their parents.

 

I don't know.

[PiCO]

I struggle with telling my dc about things like this, because I don't want to put ideas in their heads. On the other hand, I want them to know about the awful consequences. How do you determine when to tell your dc about the stupid things some kids do for fun?

 

I talk to my kids about these things whenever I hear about them. I think it depends on the personality of your children- some might get ideas, others will think it's stupid.

 

I think it's easier for children and teens to see reason when having a discussion with a parent than it is to see reason when confronted with a gang of friends wanting them to do something stupid, considering the pack mentality. I would rather they knew about these activities before being confronted with a group.

[unsinkable]

I talk to my kids about these things whenever I hear about them. I think it depends on the personality of your children- some might get ideas, others will think it's stupid.

 

I think it's easier for children and teens to see reason when having a discussion with a parent than it is to see reason when confronted with a gang of friends wanting them to do something stupid, considering the pack mentality. I would rather they knew about these activities before being confronted with a group.

 

My dh and I joke about a group of boys together being only as smart as the stupidest one...mostly b/c of that pack mentality thing.

[Joanne]

I think it's extremely important to for parents to be up to speed about things like cutting/sib, choking games, drug use, "friends with benefits," and other teenage culture. And to know it starts young--really young, like 10, sometimes. We come from a nice neighborhood, in a "great" school district, with a mix of cultures and races and religions. I'm a SAHM who homeschools, been married 22 years, my hubby is a priest, we are conservative Christians, we have good morals and values, we discipline, we talk to our kids, we allow self expression but not disrespect, we spend lots of time with our kids, we put monitoring software on the computer....on and on. And still, ds started drinking at 12, hiding wine (which we don't drink excessively at all) in his juice.A kid from church introduced him to porn. He started cutting in 7th grade. He started stealing in 8th. We got counseling. We took family trips. We did what we thought and others thought was healthy. And still, we had to put him in residential treatment.

 

Many, many {{{tender hugs}}}. I was that child, although I had less engaged stability that your family, I come from a consciously but not piously sober family and still started drinking at 11.

 

I tell my kids a lot, and pretty young. Genetically, they are doomed in terms of addiction and living on the edge. In addition, we are mainstreamed more than many homeschooling families and I allow choices that put my kids in environments where challenges to our adult family's preferences are presented.

 

I have public schooled after school kids here daily, they play with neighborhood kids - aged 8 -14ish, my boys attend a skatepark, my older 2 attend a very eclectic, mixed youth group.

 

It would be irresponsible to *not* talk to my kids about the choking game, that oral sex IS sex, huffing and other, more familiar to me drug/alcohol related info.

[OnTheBrink]

No. My dd knows that choking is a bad thing, no point in putting into the context of something fun.

[Jenny in Atl]

I do, when my kids are old enough to be in a group w/o me, like a drop off class. I want them to have the tools to be able to confront anything. My oldest was just in a play with about 25 kids. There were a couple boys in the play with serious issues. I'm glad that I had talked with her about a number of hard issues long before she started this play. She was able to spot dangers very quickly and alert me. I feel if I had sheltered her from things like this "game" she would be clueless, as she is very trusting. I think it just depends, but I like my kids to be fully informed about all the sick and stupid junk they will most likely run into some time during their lives respective to their ages.

[Deidre in GA]

information is power. when i saw a news article on the choking game, i printed it out for my ds 14 to read. it was part of our ongoing conversation about 'accidents waiting to happen.' i also have him visit the Darwin Awards site from time to time to see other examples of dumb acts with unintended, fatal consequences.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do. Even with my dd6. Now it isn't a long drawn-out conversation. More like: "Some kids think it fun to choke themselves with stuff (or have their friends do it). Bad idea, guys!"

 

or with the compressed air that we have for the computer. "Guys, this spray is for the computer only. Some kids think it fun to spray in their mouth. You can die from it. So don't do it!"

 

or with smoking: "Smoking hurts your body. A lot of people do it because it makes their body want more. So don't even start." . . .

 

Just like the "birds and the bees" talks are best a bit at a time as part of a life-long conversation, I think conversations about things like this are best a bit at a time. My ds10 (who reads Time magazine and Newsweek and so has seen articles on these things) - we will discuss things in more depth.

[mom42terrificgirls]

yes, I do tell them. My dds are 14 and 17.

[Teddi]

I haven't talked about it per se, BUT we have thoroughly discussed the danger/stupidity of wrapping (or allowing anyone to wrap) ANYTHING around one's neck for ANY reason at ANY time.

[6packofun]

No. Mainly because my kids don't hang out with a lot of other kids that I feel would be into those kinds of things. I know my kids very well and they have picked up the part of my personality that would say, "That's just STUPID!" to things like the choking game, etc. I'm not naive, I just know my kids and their friends really well and see no need to introduce ideas or worries unnecessarily when I feel we've given them the tools to resist and fight off such stupidity.

[Unicorn.]

Yep. I let my kids watch/read the news. It opens up all kinds of things for discussion. They also get to hear how dangerous/stupid these things are, and why you shouldn't do it. There is no greater weapon than knowledge, and no greater threat than ignorance. You betcha I talk to my dc about stuff like this!

[Pamela H in Texas]

BUT we have thoroughly discussed the danger/stupidity of wrapping (or allowing anyone to wrap) ANYTHING around one's neck for ANY reason at ANY time.

 

We went to see College Road Trip and in one scene a young adult girl dances with something around her neck held by another young adult girl. It really made me uncomfy though I knew they were just dancing (and the scene was kinda funny otherwise).

 

I just don't like things around people's necks.

[Tutor]

I know! I keep worrying my younger boy is going to pee on his shirt and wrap it around his head some summer day in the future. Ack.

 

What? You don't want him emulating a good homeschool dad? LOL! Check out his show "Off the Grid"... I think that's what it is called. It's about his family preparing to live off the grid, and they mention their homeschooling. My 11yo, who had been entertaining private school fantasies, now thinks homeschooling is very cool because Survivorman does it.

[pixelroper]

We do not get cable, towels & pee???

 

 

Pixel, I'm not sure when the right age is. I do think our kids sometimes can be more protected so we might be able to wait a little longer. But I think 12 is probably pushing it. I would think my kids were 10ish. Inculcate good thinking and how they can respond in these situations a tad bit earlier than you think they'd encounter the situation (12 is about that time, I'd think). That will give them plenty of time to mull things over, ask questions, talk further with you, and will protect them. We hear so many times of preteens doing all the things we think of just happening with 15yos (pregnancy, drugs, stupid acts, etc). I think we moms have to make sure not to play ostrich too long.

 

Thanks for the good thoughts...Dh & I debate this, he thinks younger too, it's currently on the discussion table as we are moving from a town(pop. 350) to a city suburb(pop 45,000), it is adding to my stress. Specifically, I do not want to sit dd down and overwhelm her w/bizarre behavior. Dh has already taken to declare all boys *dangerous*... Yes, I made modifications and clarifications....she "gets it" now...her first questions-- "are you talking about bike jumps??...climbing on the roof??...looking for cougar tracks???" :001_huh: Nice to know she was on a roof :lol:.

 

Discussions in the context of current news is a great idea. *sigh* this stuff gives me a headache.