we *really* need separate bedrooms

[Denisemomof4]

even if we won't use them all the time. I was extremely tired and cranky yesterday. I kept my crankies to myself quite well and went to bed early. I don't know why I was so tired as I had slept well for two nights.

 

Last night dh kept me up All Night. Even with Unisom in me I couldn't sleep. Today I'm on the verge of a migraine, and I can't school, and I just want to cry. It's lunch time and I haven't gotten dressed, and I feel like my head is a lead balloon. I'm about to go back to bed.

 

So I really need to have a serious talk about separate bedrooms for dh and I. I have such serious sleep issues and I can't take one more night of lying awake as he snores. And he gets woken up on the nights I *finally* do get to sleep, and i'm so tired that I snore.

 

We both will be happier and well rested.

[Mejane]

Go for it. I sometimes think sleeping apart is what keeps our marriage together. :001_smile:

[eclipse]

Go for it. I sometimes think sleeping apart is what keeps our marriage together. :001_smile:

 

Yeah, this. I love that dh and I have our own rooms, for the same reasons. His snoring is out of control and it really affects my ability to get a good night sleep. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that if I had to sleep in the same room with him we'd have probably ended up divorced. I am cranky, cranky, cranky and not very nice when I'm sleep deprived. He's being evaluated for apnea (finally!), so it could end up changing - but there's nothing wrong with sleeping apart from your spouse if it works better for you.

[TheCoffeeChick]

My dad's snoring seriously kept not only my mom awake, but the whole house!! Forget about ever going on vacations and sleeping in the same hotel room. Eventually my parents slept in separate bedrooms, lasting amost 10 years until my dad finally agreed to do a sleep study at the hospital. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea and now wears a machine. No more snoring! And they now share a room again.

[ktgrok]

I always liked reading Regency romance novels, with the separate bedrooms with a connecting door. That way she gets a frilly, girly room with her stuff, he gets his manly room, and the door connects so they can sleep together if they want, or apart if they want. My husband would love that idea.

[pdalley]

We sleep apart too. He needs a mattress with firm support and I need one that's not quite as firm or my back kills me. I am also a bed and cover hog and we both snore.

 

This really bothered my MIL. She wouldn't stop talking about it and I finally asked her if she only ever had 'tea' in bed. She finally stopped asking. We have three kids and are quite content in 'tea' and other areas so I'm not worried about us sleeping in different places.

[sparrow]

I always liked reading Regency romance novels, with the separate bedrooms with a connecting door. That way she gets a frilly, girly room with her stuff, he gets his manly room, and the door connects so they can sleep together if they want, or apart if they want. My husband would love that idea.

 

 

No sleep issues here, so I'm staying in our bedroom, but THIS makes it sound lovely :001_smile:. Do it!

[Mom0012]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having separate bedrooms if you can't sleep, but have you tried running a fan in your room? I don't know why, but when my husband is snoring and I turn on a fan over on my side of the bed it not only helps because the white noise drowns out the snoring, but for some weird reason, he will often stop snoring.

 

Lisa

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think there's anything wrong with having separate bedrooms if you can't sleep, but have you tried running a fan in your room? I don't know why, but when my husband is snoring and I turn on a fan over on my side of the bed it not only helps because the white noise drowns out the snoring, but for some weird reason, he will often stop snoring.

 

Lisa

 

I have a noise machine that helps if I turn it loud enough, but then he can't sleep because he needs quiet. I tried the fan last year but really, I hate the blowing once it gets cold out. The earplugs make my ears wet and itchy, so that will wake me up if I use them. I've grown used to sleeping with earphones on and will turn on classical music sometimes, other times I'll tune into the news. The only ones that drown out his snoring and don't hurt my ears are the large, bulky ones. So they eventually fall off when I turn to my side, and then the snoring awakes me. It's a vicious cycle.

 

I'm too old for this sleep deprivation and I just can't take it anymore.

[Hedgehog]

You need your sleep.. all mamas need their sleep!! So I say go for it and I hope you can catch up on your rest!

 

This really bothered my MIL. She wouldn't stop talking about it and I finally asked her if she only ever had 'tea' in bed. She finally stopped asking.

 

*Snort* :lol:

[Mary in VA]

My husband suffers from insomnia quite often and I snore, not a good combination. We have solved my snoring, just last week, yeah!!!! A friend recommended "Breathe Right Strips" and you know what, they work for me!! I know they don't work for every cause of snoring, but they stopped mine. I put one on and immediately my nasal passages open up and that seems to do the trick. My husband says it's totally gone. I also wake up feeling more rested and not congested. I forgot one night earlier this week and he said the snoring was as bad as ever. They are a little pricey, but worth every penny :001_smile:

 

Mary

[nono]

Just do it!

 

My husband used to snore terribly! When we moved, we both agreed to get a super-firm mattress (think China firm). We did and a side benefit was that it stopped 90% of his snoring. Now, the kids' still complain about what's left of his snoring, but I figure that's what will eventually move them to their own rooms. :)

[EKS]

Has he had a sleep study done? My husband snored every single night all night long until he got his CPAP machine.

[Denisemomof4]

My husband suffers from insomnia quite often and I snore, not a good combination. We have solved my snoring, just last week, yeah!!!! A friend recommended "Breathe Right Strips" and you know what, they work for me!! I know they don't work for every cause of snoring, but they stopped mine. I put one on and immediately my nasal passages open up and that seems to do the trick. My husband says it's totally gone. I also wake up feeling more rested and not congested. I forgot one night earlier this week and he said the snoring was as bad as ever. They are a little pricey, but worth every penny :001_smile:

 

Mary

 

we've tried several remedies, this being one of them.:glare:

[lisamarie]

We sleep apart too. He needs a mattress with firm support and I need one that's not quite as firm or my back kills me. I am also a bed and cover hog and we both snore.

 

 

This is why we bought a sleep number bed. My side is set to a nice soft 45, DH's side is set to a very hard-as-rocks 85. We contemplated buying twin beds before settling on the air bed because of our different preferences and because I am a bit of a violent sleeper. If DH so much as creeps onto my side, I have a tendency to hit/kick/punch him in my sleep. It's gotten better over the years, but I would say once every few months, DH gets hurt.

 

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with having separate bedrooms if you can't sleep, but have you tried running a fan in your room? I don't know why, but when my husband is snoring and I turn on a fan over on my side of the bed it not only helps because the white noise drowns out the snoring, but for some weird reason, he will often stop snoring.

 

Lisa

 

We sleep with a fan year round to drown out noise. I can't sleep without my fan and DH puts up with it. DH only snores when he is sick, after smoking (cursed guys nights) or drinks more than a few beers (again cursed guys nights). The fan isn't enough to completely drown him out, but it is enough to take the edge off of it.

 

 

My mom sleeps on the couch on a regular basis because of my dad's snoring. She goes to bed around 11pm. My dad is a night owl and comes to bed around 1am. But he always wakes her up to talk to her before he goes to sleep. So now she's wide awake and my dad falls right to sleep and starts snoring and she can't get back to sleep with all that racket.

[Denisemomof4]

Just do it!

 

My husband used to snore terribly! When we moved, we both agreed to get a super-firm mattress (think China firm). We did and a side benefit was that it stopped 90% of his snoring. Now, the kids' still complain about what's left of his snoring, but I figure that's what will eventually move them to their own rooms. :)

 

We have a Sleep Number bed that we LOVE, and he wanted his side FIRM but it hurt his back and he couldn't sleep. He's still firmer on his side than I am...

 

Has he had a sleep study done? My husband snored every single night all night long until he got his CPAP machine.

 

I think he did but I can't clearly remember! If a CPAP machine was recommended I doubt he could sleep in one. He is claustrophobic and can't STAND anything around his face.

[sbgrace]

You do need to protect your sleep even if that means sleeping on your own. They have done studies on partners of snorers and it does impact sleep quality and health.

 

That said, your husband is being impacted as well even if he's not aware. Has he been tested for sleep apnea? My mom doesn't snore anymore since she got treatment and of course that is secondary to the health impacts of untreated apnea. My life quality is much improved with apnea treatment as well. There are options outside of CPAP for some people. I have a mouth device that is completely comfortable. It looks pretty much like a retainer so nothing around my face. For a severe sleep apnea patient sometimes the mouth devices can have a cpap connected to them eliminating the headgear stuff in my understanding. My mother did adjust to CPAP and many people find they can when they realize the benefits and feel so much better. I wonder if reading up on the life expectancy and health impacts of untreated apnea would help him maybe at least look into the possibility.

Edited September 24, 2010 by sbgrace

[SWinner]

Mine snores too & I use earplugs & add Tylenol PM if necessary. If I really, really need a good night's sleep I use the couch (which is extremely comfy). I am also encouraging him to get help with the snoring as there could be serious health issues on his part. He's tried many over the counter things & they seem to be hit or miss, but are generally helpful.

[Denisemomof4]

I just hung up with dh. He said he did get the sleep study and that a CPAP was recommended but that his numbers were very low:confused:and that it wasn't entirely necessary. I think that's what he said. Remember, I'm very tired today. ;) For me, though, I think the machine's noise would help me sleep, and there would be other benefits. I will have to try to get myself checked out.

 

I can't sleep on the couch anymore, and really, neither can he. We have doves and they coo in the morning, covered or not. It's such a beautiful, relaxing noise, but it does interrupt the sleep. ::001_unsure:

[Mejane]

Just as an aside, in our house it isn't all related to snoring, although that's part of it. My husband is a heavy sleeper; I am not. If he even touches me accidentally during the night, I am bolt awake... for hours. He also thrashes around and steals the covers. It's not always just about snoring, and sometimes the easiest and best solution is sleeping apart.

[Denisemomof4]

Just as an aside, in our house it isn't all related to snoring, although that's part of it. My husband is a heavy sleeper; I am not. If he even touches me accidentally during the night, I am bolt awake... for hours. He also thrashes around and steals the covers. It's not always just about snoring, and sometimes the easiest and best solution is sleeping apart.

 

when dh tosses in bed, I look because sometimes I swear there's a rhinoceros sleeping in bed with me! He's a big man, 6'2, but his tossing and turning make him feel like a rhino. Then there IS the constant blanket stealing. I was going to buy separate blankets.

 

But honestly, he needs quiet, I need noise. We're total opposites. If even we get relief a few days per week, that's a start. He's going to sleep in dd10's room tonight and she will sleep with me. She's totally excited, and I'm so glad I'll get sleep. :001_smile:

 

Dh didn't even realized I nudged and awoke and shushed all night long.

 

Has anyone seen the movie Pillow Talk? I LAUGHED at the scene where Rock Hudson was sleeping soundly and Doris Day was marinating in her anger. She reached over, slapped him in his face, and then quickly rolled over to make it look like she was asleep the entire time. I always thought that was so funny, and apparently I acted out this scene one night. I had finally fallen asleep and was snoring so loud tgat dh was laying there watching me. I apparently snored so loud that I woke myself up, rolled over, slapped dh, yelled for him to "shut up," and then rolled over and went back to sleep.

:lol::lol::lol:

[Mom0012]

I have a noise machine that helps if I turn it loud enough, but then he can't sleep because he needs quiet. I tried the fan last year but really, I hate the blowing once it gets cold out. The earplugs make my ears wet and itchy, so that will wake me up if I use them. I've grown used to sleeping with earphones on and will turn on classical music sometimes, other times I'll tune into the news. The only ones that drown out his snoring and don't hurt my ears are the large, bulky ones. So they eventually fall off when I turn to my side, and then the snoring awakes me. It's a vicious cycle.

 

I'm too old for this sleep deprivation and I just can't take it anymore.

 

I don't blame you! If none of that worked, then, yes, I'd definitely move into my own room or have my husband move into his. I don't see anything wrong with it at all.

 

Lisa

[MotherGoose]

I use ear plugs, a loud cheap box fan, and sometimes a pillow over my head.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yeah, this. I love that dh and I have our own rooms, for the same reasons. His snoring is out of control and it really affects my ability to get a good night sleep. I'm not being hyperbolic when I say that if I had to sleep in the same room with him we'd have probably ended up divorced. I am cranky, cranky, cranky and not very nice when I'm sleep deprived. He's being evaluated for apnea (finally!), so it could end up changing - but there's nothing wrong with sleeping apart from your spouse if it works better for you.

 

:iagree: Except my (d)h refuses to get a sleep study done.

[mommaduck]

I have to say that this is the nice thing about dh being on third shift. I'm an extremely light sleeper (and in early pregnancy, if you even slightly wake me up, then that means I have to get up to pee...which bugs me to no end!). He snores. He wants his arms thrown over my waist (ugh) and I want him facing the other way so I can throw my leg over his hip. It just doesn't always make for a good night sleep. Better than when we first married. I practically beat him up when we were sleeping that first year every time he got near my side or stole too much cover.

[ma23peas]

Any checking into why he snores? My husband had horrible snoring, turns out he had serious polyps in the back of his nasal passages..ever since he's gotten them taken care of, NO SNORING!! Weight loss also helps....doubling pillows, on the stealing covers, well, I've found nothing works yet, I just have to roll the coverlet under my body and anchor that puppy....I do find that on the days I get a solid hour of cardio in, I sleep like a tank and wake up in the same position I went to bed in!!! Weird stuff!! But I am rested! :)

 

HTH!

Good luck!!

Tara

[Photo Ninja]

I only sleep well when in a different room because of dh's snoring. He refuses to check with a doctor about it. In fact, I only got a couple hours of interrupted sleep last night. But five years ago, for the first time in my life, we got a beautiful bedroom with a comfy mattress. For me to sleep, I have to go to another room that is not nicely decorated, on a mattress that is okay, but not nearly as comfy as the one in our bedroom. We don't have money to decorate another room or buy a new mattress. Dh doesn't think he has any problem, despite this going on for 8 or 9 years. I don't want to be resentful, but I want to sleep in my nice bedroom on the comfy mattress. Why do I have to be the one who goes elsewhere when I am not causing the problem.

 

Okay, selfish rant over. I am doing my best not to be resentful and to be glad that 5 years ago we did get an extra room so I could stop sleeping on an uncomfortable couch. But I would still prefer to sleep in our comfy bed.

[6packofun]

I remember reading about a senior gentleman (maybe he wrote in to Ann Landers or some such) and he said that to help his wife sleep better they came up with a unique solution: he would wear one of her bras *backwards* with a tennis ball in each cup so that he couldn't sleep on his back and it prevented his snoring! LOL!!! I think that man is a saint. ;)

[sbgrace]

If his numbers were low he's probably an excellent candidate for an mouth device rather than a CPAP. A sleep dentist did mine. It's been wonderful for me.

 

I did read a study once that showed people who wore a pocket shirt backwards with a tennis ball in the pocket (so the ball was on their back) kept from rolling over and reduced apnea and snoring. So that's another option.

 

Even mild apnea has health effects. I know, though, adults are sometimes hard to convince to take action on stuff sometimes. I'll stop talking about it!

[Garga]

I just hung up with dh. He said he did get the sleep study and that a CPAP was recommended but that his numbers were very low:confused:and that it wasn't entirely necessary. I think that's what he said. Remember, I'm very tired today. ;) For me, though, I think the machine's noise would help me sleep, and there would be other benefits. I will have to try to get myself checked out.

 

My husband was told the same thing: they said his sleep apnea was not too bad, even though he never (NEVER) reached stage 4 of sleep and woke up 40 times in one night. But then something must have happened, because he started having even MORE sleep related problems (I didn't think it was possible!) So he told the doc, "I think my sleep apnea is getting worse," and without retesting him or anything, they gave him a cpap.

 

It has made a HUGE difference in dh's life. AND MINE!

 

But there are still nights when dh doses off while reading and doesn't put the machine on. On the nights where I can tell that he's going to stay up later than me reading, only to fall asleep and start snoring, I wear ear plugs. They're not the most comfortable thing, but I really get tired of falling asleep, only to have dh start snoring 10 minutes later. I think it's rude of him to do that! I get very resentful that he interrupts my sleep when he could do something about it. He's a grown man and should know that before he allows himself to fall asleep he should put on the machine. He tells me that if he falls asleep and snores and wakes me up, that I should shake him awake so he can put on the machine. Nuh-uh. He's a big boy and doesn't need me to mother him.

 

Anyhoo--sleep apnea is serious stuff. Can cause all sorts of nasty things--stroke, heart trouble, etc. Sleep is vital for your body to function. Men just pretend it isn't so, but it is. My dh started to have trouble concentrating at work and knew he had to do something and OF COURSE, once he got the machine, he wondered why he hadn't done it sooner. (I'd been wondering the same thing! :tongue_smilie:)

[BakersDozen]

I don't have time to read all the pages of responses so sorry if this is a repeat! After 14 years of sharing a bed/bedroom we went separate and I LOVE it! Should have done this 14 years ago! I sleep soundly and am a much more likeable person since he is not waking me up with his very loud breathing or an elbow in my face. He is a bit less understanding but I told him it is easy for the one who sleeps soundly yet who's sleep disrupts someone else to not see the issue. ;) I know my dh could do a sleep study and get help but honestly, I like having my own room. I like not having to ward off flying elbows and stolen blankets.

[Peela]

Go for it. I sometimes think sleeping apart is what keeps our marriage together. :001_smile:

 

:iagree: