Am I being a kill joy?

[Old Dominion Heather]

The situation:

 

Our very small, dead end street usually has a fall picnic which we usually participate in to some degree. They also have an egg hunt... we have lots of little ones on the street.

 

The scenario: In the past, the fall picnic has been uberplanned (IMO) with the two moms down the street doing things like: cup cake decorating, pumpkin carving, painting with leaves, etc... in the spring we have a egg hunt with candy in all eggs, coloring eggs, etc... All of this seems like overkill to me, but they both have oldest girls and I have only boys and I accept that they are probably more into crafts than we are and that is fine. I should also mention that their oldest kids are the same age as my youngest. IOW, I am the only mom with older kids on the street.

 

Yesterday, one of the moms asked me:

1. if we would be around for the party.

2. if we would let them put a big blow up slide (rental) in our front yard (!)

3. and if we would chip in to pay for it. DH is not interested. We are trying to pay off debt and if we were going to splurge, it would be on the sports glasses that ds needs or the new running shoes for dh.

 

So... the thought of all this annoys the heck out of me. Seriously, I hadn't planned on having a fall carnival.

 

Are there liability issues if we have the thing in our yard and someone gets hurt?

 

Is there any way to gracefully get out of doing this without just flat out saying "heck no"? :confused:

Edited September 17, 2010 by Old Dominion Heather
There, their, they're... I do know them, but I am medicated.

[Jan in SC]

We would be thrilled to have that in our neighborhood. I only have boys and they would love it!

 

Families are different, though, so I don't think you should feel bad if you don't want to do it.

[MotherGoose]

I'm no lawyer, but I'd think you'd be liable if something happened. I'd just say nicely that you appreciate what they are doing, but you are paying off debt and that doesn't fit into the plan and you don't feel you're getting much benefit since your kids are older, and then the liability issue. Maybe offer to help with something else if you are so inclined. Maybe find some plans to have that weekend :)

[BeckyFL]

Since you're the only mom on the street with older kids, maybe that could be your ticket out! lol I wouldn't feel bad at all and Dave Ramsey would tell you to explain that you're sorry but that's not in your budget and since your kids are a bit older than others on the street, you'd rather them choose another yard for the slide. And yes, I would think (guessing here) that you would be liable. Heck no wouldn't sound bad either. LOL

[Old Dominion Heather]

I'd feel more generous if I hadn't had to tell my youngest son that he is not allowed to play with these two girls unless I am outside with them, name-calling, etc...

[Medieval Mom]

Eek! That would turn me off, too. Gracefully decline ;)

 

(I am not sure what your liability would be. In our town, anyone who slips on our sidewalk *can*, if they choose, hold us responsible if the sidewalk was unshoveled, unswept, etc. I expect you'd have to check with your city ordinances, and perhaps your insurance. Perhaps you could say that your insurance won't allow it;) )

[Medieval Mom]

I'd feel more generous if I hadn't had to tell my youngest son that he is not allowed to play with these two girls unless I am outside with them, name-calling, etc...

 

Hmmm.. "Heck no" is sounding better;) I don't think you have to discuss your budget with people. I have done this in the past, only to have people say they'll pay for everything and then question any purchase we do make. It is not their business. Just NO THANKS, cheerfully but firmly said is often the best choice, and can be used numerous times until the point is made.:D

[Mejane]

"So sorry, but we will be away that day and we don't feel comfortable having people on our property while we're not at home."

 

Then, get gone that day or hide in the house. :D

[Kate CA]

I vote with just telling her the truth - that you don't have the money and are not really interested in having that in your yard. You can apologize if you want to, but that sounds like overkill for a neighborhood picnic to me and I would not feel badly for saying no.

 

We enjoy our neighborhood gatherings, but they are *low key* and easy.

[DarcyB]

Yes, in all likelihood, you would be held accountable if someone is hurt on your property. Especially if the bouncy house people weren't there supervising and had a bond to cover any injuries, but you'd probably still be liable anyway.

 

Just say no thanks :) You're not being a killjoy because you aren't hosting the bouncy house. You can still attend the festival without doing that part. You can still help out without doing that part, assuming you want to.

[Tess in the Burbs]

Decline and don't be there during the party

[angela in ohio]

I vote with just telling her the truth - that you don't have the money and are not really interested in having that in your yard. You can apologize if you want to, but that sounds like overkill for a neighborhood picnic to me and I would not feel badly for saying no.

 

Yep. Some people don't understand that they are over-the-top because no one ever says no to them. Do the world (and these moms' dc :D) a favor and tell them the truth.

[May]

Just say no and leave it at that. The more you explain your reasons the more likely they will have answers to the problem.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think it is fine to choose not to participate. However, imo, it is not fine to let everyone else accept the insurance and financial liabilities for something that you are going to participate in.

[Brigitte]

"So sorry, but we will be away that day and we don't feel comfortable having people on our property while we're not at home."

 

Then, get gone that day or hide in the house. :D

 

That would be my response, too. :D

[RoughCollie]

I would say, "I'm sorry we won't be able to do that."

 

I owe them no explanation, and I would not give them one.

 

Explanations lead to persuasion attempts by the other person.

[elegantlion]

I would say, "I'm sorry we won't be able to do that."

 

I owe them no explanation, and I would not give them one.

 

Explanations lead to persuasion attempts by the other person.

 

:iagree: You sound like you speak from the voice of experience on this one, RoughCollie. :lol:

[Murphy101]

I would say, "I'm sorry we won't be able to do that."

 

I owe them no explanation, and I would not give them one.

 

Explanations lead to persuasion attempts by the other person.

 

This. Exactly this.

 

If you are interested in attending, but think it is overkill, maybe you could say something like, " Oh that's really not something we are interested in ever doing. We are happy just eating our picnic and having some home brewed beers while the kids play in the water sprinkler, but I can make an extra batch of cookies to share or bring some cantaloupe or watermelon."

 

You offer to contribute in a way more to your liking and make it clear that you aren't interested in a big bother and fuss.

[RoughCollie]

:iagree: You sound like you speak from the voice of experience on this one, RoughCollie. :lol:

 

Yes, and when I realized this, I quit doing it to other people, too. When someone says no, I take it at face value. If they didn't mean "no", it is their responsibility to communicate that to me.

[Old Dominion Heather]

Oh good!

 

I just wanted to make sure that the consensus wasn't that I was being a stick-in-the-mud. It is hard for me to tell today. I am all doped up on cold meds.

 

I wanted to add too that while all these parties are supposed to be for the kids, my older boys have been let know that they are not really welcome to participate. They get the "I'm sorry, these cupcakes are just for the little kids" line. Same thing with the egg hunt, though they love stuff like that, so I hid eggs in our back yard just for them.

 

So I am guessing that they would probably not really be welcome to do the bouncy slide thing anyway.

[mirth]

\ 

 

[Murphy101]

Oh good!

 

I just wanted to make sure that the consensus wasn't that I was being a stick-in-the-mud. It is hard for me to tell today. I am all doped up on cold meds.

 

I wanted to add too that while all these parties are supposed to be for the kids, my older boys have been let know that they are not really welcome to participate. They get the "I'm sorry, these cupcakes are just for the little kids" line. Same thing with the egg hunt, though they love stuff like that, so I hid eggs in our back yard just for them.

 

So I am guessing that they would probably not really be welcome to do the bouncy slide thing anyway.

 

:glare: never mind. No you are not being a stick in the mud. Just say no and shut the door.

[QueenCat]

We would be thrilled to have that in our neighborhood.

 

:iagree:Our old neighborhood did lots of things like this, and I LOVED it! That's why we like subdivision living. Miss doing those things now that the boys are older, and our new neighborhood does less together. I would do it the name of neighborliness. Neighbors who know each other really are more there for each other in times of trouble. Chipping in probably won't be that much, if several are chipping in.

[RoughCollie]

They get the "I'm sorry, these cupcakes are just for the little kids" line. Same thing with the egg hunt, though they love stuff like that, so I hid eggs in our back yard just for them.

 

Hmmph. I think an 8 year old is a little kid, and an 11 year old isn't far from it.

 

Nope, I wouldn't donate even 1 square inch of my yard for the use of people like that.

Edited September 18, 2010 by RoughCollie

[Harriet Vane]

Hmmph. I think an 8 year old is a little kid, and an 11 year isn't far from it.

 

Nope, I wouldn't donate even 1 square inch of my yard for the use of people like that.

 

:iagree:

[AuntieM]

No.

 

No bouncy slide space available for Cupcake Grinches!

 

I can't believe they don't share and don't welcome your kids, then want you to have a big slide in your yard? Really pretty nervy, I think.

 

I would say no and not think twice about it.

[NanceXToo]

I was going to say that I think it sounds like a lot of fun, and that I'd probably say "sure" to the rental slide in my yard, if my kids were participating. And that I'd just be honest about finances, that we're saving for something ds needs and can't afford to chip in for the bounce house, but that sure they could use my yard.

 

I would have said that until I saw your other post, about how they don't even really let your kids participate and tell them that cupcakes are for the little kids and so on! That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard!

 

That being the case, I'd tell them, "I'm sorry, but since my kids are too old to participate, we're going to opt out of using my yard."

[Mrs Mungo]

Oh good!

 

I just wanted to make sure that the consensus wasn't that I was being a stick-in-the-mud. It is hard for me to tell today. I am all doped up on cold meds.

 

I wanted to add too that while all these parties are supposed to be for the kids, my older boys have been let know that they are not really welcome to participate. They get the "I'm sorry, these cupcakes are just for the little kids" line. Same thing with the egg hunt, though they love stuff like that, so I hid eggs in our back yard just for them.

 

So I am guessing that they would probably not really be welcome to do the bouncy slide thing anyway.

 

When did 5 and 8 year olds get promoted to big kids? That is crazy! Our egg hunts are for 12 and under. The "big kids" are those 13 & up and they usually help hide eggs and such. You live in a crazy neighborhood.

[Mrs Mungo]

That being the case, I'd tell them, "I'm sorry, but since my kids are too old to participate, we're going to opt out of using my yard."

 

:iagree: But, I would say "since my kids were *told* they were too big participate in the activities at the last event, I will have to decline."

[Mrs Mungo]

And *everybody* gets cupcakes at our parties,'we have cupcakes to spare!

[Starr]

I think it's potentially even worse than you imagine. :D They'd probably expect you to stay and supervise the jumping during the whole event.

[bettyandbob]

I would say no, the bouncy thing can't be in your yard and you will not help pay for it.

 

I might leave the day of the party, but since they wanted to use your yard. I would stay home while set up is going on, to make sure your yard is not included. You are liable for accidents that happen on your property. So, I'd want to make sure no one had the attitude that b/c you weren't home it didn't matter what went on in your yard. When the party starts I'd go for a long bike ride with a packed picnic, to the dollar movies, or some other diversion that lasts a few hours cheaply.

 

I can't believe your boys weren't permitted to eat cupcakes. If they aren't letting your kids fully participate, they got some nerve asking you to pay. They'd probably rent something that your boys couldn't play on.

[Old Dominion Heather]

My five-year-old is not counted as one of the big kids. The 8 and 11 year old are though.

 

The oldest kids of these parents are 5 and 4.

[NanceXToo]

My five-year-old is not counted as one of the big kids. The 8 and 11 year old are though.

 

The oldest kids of these parents are 5 and 4.

 

I wonder at what age they will ban their kids from eating cupcakes. Do you think they sit them down on their 7th or 8th birthdays and have "the talk" about how they are now too old for cupcakes?

 

"Listen, Jennifer and Michael, I just want you to know there is no Santa Claus, no tooth fairy, and you will no longer be receiving cupcakes. Ever. Happy birthday!"

 

*I* still like cupcakes, for crying out loud!

 

and LOL at cupcake grinches.

[RoughCollie]

You may want to warn them that bouncy houses might contain a lot of lead, though. :D In the New York Times article linked below, Attorney General Jerry Brown of California said, "I certainly don’t want to be a kill joy here,” he said. “I just think parents should be cognizant.” Hmmm... you don't want to be a kill joy either.

 

Last month the California Attorney General's Office went after 11 manufacturers of the popular inflatable structures, saying the houses contain more than 300 parts per million of lead, the legal limit under federal rules. In filing the lawsuit, Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown also noted that the standard set by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission will be even more strict in August 2011, allowing only 100 ppm.

 

http://articles.burbankleader.com/2010-09-14/news/tn-blr-bounce-20100914_1_magic-jump-products-polyvinyl

 

A lawsuit filed Wednesday by Mr. Brown’s office claims that some of the inflatable bounce houses that help entertain — and exhaust — the young guests at children’s parties have unsafe levels of lead, sometimes dozens of times the federal limit.

 

Lead levels in the vinyl, the tests found, varied from 5,000 parts per million to 29,000, far above the federal limit of 90 to 300 parts per million.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/12/us/12bounce.html

Edited September 18, 2010 by RoughCollie

[5LittleMonkeys]

If you don't already have enough reasons to say no I'll just add that I am almost 100% sure that you can be sued for any injuries that occur on your property even if the party injured was not supposed to be on your property.

 

I checked into it a while back when I had a young girl that kept sneaking into the back of our property to ride her horse. The lawyer I spoke to said I could be sued even though she was trespassing. This is in TN - I don't know if the laws are different elsewhere.

[Medieval Mom]

You may want to warn them that bouncy houses might contain a lot of lead, though. :D In the New York Times article linked below, Attorney General Jerry Brown of California said, "I certainly don’t want to be a kill joy here,” he said. “I just think parents should be cognizant.” Hmmm... you don't want to be a kill joy either.

 

Last month the California Attorney General's Office went after 11 manufacturers of the popular inflatable structures, saying the houses contain more than 300 parts per million of lead, the legal limit under federal rules. In filing the lawsuit, Atty. Gen. Jerry Brown also noted that the standard set by the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission will be even more strict in August 2011, allowing only 100 ppm.

 

http://articles.burbankleader.com/2010-09-14/news/tn-blr-bounce-20100914_1_magic-jump-products-polyvinyl

 

A lawsuit filed Wednesday by Mr. Brown’s office claims that some of the inflatable bounce houses that help entertain — and exhaust — the young guests at children’s parties have unsafe levels of lead, sometimes dozens of times the federal limit.

 

Lead levels in the vinyl, the tests found, varied from 5,000 parts per million to 29,000, far above the federal limit of 90 to 300 parts per million.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/12/us/12bounce.html

 

 

Eek! Thanks for sharing this!

Edited September 18, 2010 by Medieval Mom

[NanceXToo]

Oh, lovely! We have rented a bounce house for the first time ever for our daughter's 10th birthday party, which is in a couple of weeks.

 

I thought the only thing I had to cross my fingers for was no rain.

 

Apparently now I have to hope for no excess lead, too!

[qfbrenda]

:iagree: But, I would say "since my kids were *told* they were too big participate in the activities at the last event, I will have to decline."

 

:iagree: