New Poll for Veteran hs'ers. . . s/o of resistant relative threads

[StephanieZ]

Only answer this poll if you have been hs'ing kids (K age and older) for at least 5 years. My thought is to offer some reassurance to newer hs'ers that, perhaps, many (??) families come around after seeing the fruits of hs'ing labor.

[Parrothead]

My resister was on board at the beginning of our homeschooling. Now the resister is worried about the socialization issues.

[Cindyg]

You forgot

 

-- They used to be supportive, but now they aren't.

-- They've never expressed an opinion

 

One set of grandparents are in the first category. They were fine with it for K and 1, but every year after that it got less cute to them. My dad sat me down one day and had "the talk" with me. He wanted grandson suffering the agony of school. Yes, he used the word agony. LOL!

 

My in laws have never expressed an opinion, and we're fairly close to them. So I have to assume they don't approve. I mean, it's not like we never talk. I would think if they were pleased, they'd gush occasionally. But since they've never referred to it, I assume they're not happy. They're good in laws though, not to bring it up. I respect that.

 

I always send both sets of grandparents all reports, pictures of projects, "report cards," whatever I have, to try to help them feel connected with our school.

[dangermom]

To my surprise, there were no resisters in our family.

[laurad1125]

This is our 7th year of homeschooling. Unfortunately, as my kids have gotten older, my mom has gotten less supportive. I think she thought we'd get tired of homeschooling or get over it or something....

 

Anyway, now she's really worried about college and career. She's gotten remarried in the last couple of years and I wonder what he and his kids/grand kids (who are all traditionally schooled) might factor in.

 

I'm struggling, right now, between trying to appease/educate her because I think if she understood what we did and how that she might be less fearful and telling her to just butt out. She's not really good at "let's not talk about this issue" so that plays in as well.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I voted that they used to resist but came around to be supportive. However, they are making some noise about high school. It isn't super resistant though - just "concerned" because high school done without the "norms" of school seems scary to them.

[Amy loves Bud]

My parents both died before it ever came up. Bud's mom is pretty well on board and has never given us any trouble about it.

 

But, my sister has never liked it. If it ever comes up, she never says a word and will pretty much leave the room.

 

There used to be a group of hsers at their church that would mix with the rest of the church. They even set up their own Sunday School class so their kids didn't have to mix with the riff-raff. Since that time, my sister has nothing good to say about homeschooling. In her mind that group is representative of all hsers - nevermind that she sees that we obviously don't behave that way. They just really ticked her off, lol!

 

ETA: So I can tell by her behavior that she is against it, but she's never said anything to me about it. It is the nature of our sibling relationships not to butt in, so it really would surprise me if she did.

 

Nobody else (important) has ever said anything negative about it, including all of my six other siblings and their spouses.

Edited August 7, 2010 by Amy loves Bud

[StephanieZ]

Sorry I didn't think of the other option! (Formerly on board, now are not).

 

It actually did not occur to me, which is silly b/c of how many people I know are ending up hs'ing elem and then sending dc to school for high school. . . So, obviously, that progressive uncomfortableness w/ hs'ing can't be too rare. Sorry!

[angela in ohio]

I voted the second option. Up until this past year, it was closer to the first. I guess some of it depends on whether I consider my in-laws "important people" in my life. :D

 

There's another wave of panic that sets in on relatives when they realize you are going to keep going through high school. This past yer, and especially this summer, have been wild. I have fielded more questions on how dc will graduate, get a transcript, etc., than ever. I met relatives two weeks ago that I had never met before (dh's aunts and cousins, he last saw them at age 6) and the first thing they asked was how dd would go to college without a diploma. I assume mil had been talking to them. :glare:

 

Anyway, the only really important person (dh) went from skepticism during kindergarten to such full support that he keeps us going now that I would quit. :001_smile:

[Scuff]

My family has always been supportive. But, my cousins were hs'd when I was growing up. They had to handle the negative attitudes and by the time we started everyone thought it was great.

[SilverMoon]

I voted for other. Some important people in our life are now on board, and some aren't. The latter simply nod and smile anymore, rather than flat out dis homeschooling, so it has gotten better over the years.

 

There is a fair amount of public and private school teachers in our circle of acquaintances and friends, some of which I doubt will ever be on board. There are a couple absolute gems in that category though. ;) One woman in particular, who was originally the quickest to point out perceived flaws in the homeschooling model, is now one of our biggest advocates. Today we can chat it up about what our same grade students are up to and we get along famously. :001_smile:

[jcross222]

My MIL is a retired HS principal with a Master's degree in education. She is not supportive, but is not nasty. I know she probably vents her concerns to others,but generally says nothing to me. She always "quizzes" my kids when they talk with her on the phone. We live 1300 miles away from them so she is really a non-factor in our lives. If I suddenly told her we were sending our kids to school (never going to happen), she would probably say "oh, thank goodness!!" with a large sigh.

[sonsmama]

I would not say that we have had resisters. There are those that would have chosen differently (and did) for there children, but they support us in our right to choose. We have several public school employee siblings. My mom on the other hand Loves that we homeschool. She loves to go on the field trips!

[hsm6kids]

My mom has never supported my homeschooling, she feels that I am raising unsociable misfits that will never be able to function in a group setting:001_huh:. She lives 22 hrs. from here and see's my kids maybe once a yr. so her "facts" are merely based on "this one home school boy I met while I took some college classes":confused: . I guess he didn't feel the need to socialize with my moms crowd. lol

I am guessing that was a good call on his part LOL I love my mom, but she is a very free spirited hippie with interesting friends. I think I said that as nice as I can:tongue_smilie:

 

 

nothing against hippies, just a word I used to give some kind of description of my mom.

[AHASRADA]

I don't think anyone's opinion has changed that much over the years. My parents have always been extremely supportive, and that support has only gotten stronger as they see how well my kids are turning out (and the terrible consequences to children whose parents don't take a very active role in their education). The ILs have always politely accepted our homeschooling, assuming I know best because I have a BA in education. I think they might be a bit concerned about socialization, and high school in particular, but never voice that opinion. Again, they are not familiar with the North American school system (they live overseas), and so assume that, as I teacher, I know what I'm doing :001_rolleyes:.

 

In my case, it is my SILs (wives of my 2 BILs) who don't exactly agree with hsing, never have, and probably never will. They don't get the whole "outside the box" lifestyle or way of thinking. They are very into keeping up with the Joneses, comparing themselves and their children to others, and having something tangible, like good grades and recognition by "the system" to prove their worth and intelligence. The concept of learning for learning's sake, with no status attached, is something they are not likely to ever understand, no matter how many years we hs. Well, maybe if my son becomes a doctor in spite of never going to school...

[Pretty in Pink]

When we first began HSing, nobody in our extended family supported us and some were openly critical.

 

This will be year 8 for us. My family members and most of my dh's family are openly supportive at this point. There are a few on my dh's side who, I suspect, are still not fully supportive of HSing, but they no longer voice their opinions on the subject to us, and are kind enough to say something nice or not say anything at all.

[OnTheBrink]

The important people are supportive; the people who aren't supportive aren't important. That's just how it worked out.

[MamaT]

I am beginning our 15th year of homeschooling. Everyone that is important to us has been very supportive. The ones that weren't supportive (and whose opinions aren't really important to us anyway) just kept their mouth shut.

[hornblower]

Other - I didn't really care what they thought or what they think. It's what dh & I decided, it's our choice & we don't feel the need to discuss or defend it to anyone. I'm not entirely sure what our extended families think because it wouldn't occur to me to ask them & they're too polite to offer unsolicited opinions.

 

I think it's the same as many other decisions dh & I make - about our renos, our choice of housing, our career decisions, our trips.... WE make our decisions. Why should we really be concerned with what others think? We choose to live our lives as we see fit.

 

 

I don't know if that sounds like we are being snarky or rude - I hope not, because we're not. We get along well with lots of people in our families, we see them regularly, we're friendly & nice but we don't discuss certain things or solicit support or criticism or anything. We just inform if someone asks...."are you still homeschooling?" "Yes." "So it's going well?" "Yes, thanks!"

 

p.s. this is going to be our 12th year. Dd is starting Gr. 11 & she's been hs'd since K.

[DianeW88]

Well, I don't really know how people feel about our homeschooling, because if they don't like it, they've never said anything. After 16 years of homeschooling though....I think they're just resigned to it. :lol:

 

Diane W.

married for 22 years

homeschooling 3 kiddos for 16 years

[Aubrey]

I can't believe I qualify as a veteran. That deserves its own party! :D

 

My mom has always been very supportive. My dad died about a month into our K yr, but he was supportive in his own way before that--trying to buy Dick & Jane readers for us because I was doing such a good job teaching ds to read, lol. Very sweet, though.

 

I think I have a way of talking about or presenting hs'ing that makes people less likely to question me? I'm not sure, but I've encountered very little resistance anywhere, & I know a lot of ps teachers. Now, some of them will say things like, "Well, it's fine for you, but..."

 

My ils, though, the day they found out we were expecting #1 also found out I was planning to use a mw & hs. Fil in particular was like, "Over my dead body!" LOL--he & I are very quiet people, very nonconfrontational, laid back, & that day you could hear the wild west whistling of a showdown. :001_huh:

 

We talked some, avoided the issues some, & by the time ds was 5, it was less of an issue. Over the yrs, he & mil (also not thrilled) have made strides toward being interested in what we do. It's like...they're 100% supportive of *us* if not hs'ing.

 

Just when I thought they were w/ us, though--commenting on how lucky our dc are to be able to hs, not be in the horrilbe ps's, lol--we had to talk to them about the possibility of moving to Malaysia. Dh was so worried mil would be mad. Instead, she was THRILLED that the dc would be in a real school--even if it meant not seeing them for 2yrs while they're on the other side of the world. :glare: So much for covering up her real feelings, lol.

 

On the upside, though, they took the dc on a "field trip" to S Tx--San Jacinto & things like that & came home SO impressed w/ their knowledge of Tx Hist. Which is nice, because fil was complaining the 1st yr (when we were doing ancients) that dc didn't know any Am Hist. (He tried bringing them up to speed ala Mel Gibson's The Patriot.) :lol:

 

Bil is marrying a ps teacher next spring, though, & I suspect that as they have dc & put theirs thr the more traditional ps/sports/etc--things that ils know--well, I think ils will like that *a lot.* But for now, we've got the only dc, & we're just...different. They sort-of accept that now.

 

ETA: I just wanted to add that many people have surprised me. Sil--someone into namebrand clothes & other fancy things--decided to hs any dc she had because she liked what she saw w/ us so much. My sis--who's...very successful, career-oriented, has lunch w/ congresswomen--goes out of her way to say how valuable & important she thinks hs'ing is, how much she respects my decisions & sacrifices. I have a friend, an older lady, who is very VERY anti-stay-at-home-mom, who has always loved me, but used to try to talk me out of this life. She has come to express deep respect for something that is obviously very different from what she has chosen. (Something at the core of us is very similar, but she's a prof at one of the local colleges, & I'm...uh...not.)

Edited August 7, 2010 by Aubrey

[HRAAB]

I voted that all the important people in my life had always been supportive. But that answer is based on how I understand 'important' people. Those important people were my husband and to a lesser extent, my parents. My parents always were supportive, but if they had not been, it wouldn't have stopped me from homeschooling. My dh was the most important one, and I absolutely had to have his support.

 

There were/are many on my dh's side that were not supportive and still aren't. They weren't important to me. I would like to say that my inlaw's opinion was important, but my mil had found fault with everything we ever did, so her opinion ceased to matter to both my dh and me.

[laughing lioness]

Year 20 and some important people in our lives are still- not quite as antagonistic- but not fully on board either.

My starting a blog 2 years ago and doing weekly reports, showing pics of field trips and activities and other people (yes, they do get beyond the big door!) has made a HUGE difference in their support levels!

[Shelly in the Country]

My dh was homeschooled so my in-laws were/are quite supportive. I was public-schooled, but my parents thought homeschooling sounded like a great idea. If they had any reservations, they never expressed them to me.

[Tap]

This is the one area of my life that I was surprised to find everyone in my family was supportive about.

 

In fact my always-negative-mother actually said her nicest comment to me E.V.E.R. in regards to homeschooling my kids. She said "if anyone can do it well, you can'. From her, that is falling-over-in-shock-positive-praise.

 

My family has always been supportive of my homeschooling in-fact my sister and my niece (who is the bio-mom of my dd3), asked me to homeschool her too. :001_smile:. My other sister also commented that she wishes she had homeschooled her kids who are in their early 20s.

 

After hearing me talk about my kids and homeschool for years....Even my co-workers have commented that if they had it to do over again with their teenage kids, they would homeschool them too. Funny, since both of their wives are school teachers LOL.

 

I think it helps that my mother's best friend's granddaughter was homeschooled in the 70-80's and got her RN licence at 18. LOL It wasn't a new idea to my family because of it, and knowing someone who had succeeded via homeschooling definitely helps.

 

We are also a very, very busy family with outgoing kids, so there are never the 'socialization' questions.

[orangearrow]

They're now either fully on board OR they just keep their comments to themselves. Either way, it keeps things peaceful. :D

[sheryl]

All the important people in my life were ALWAYS fully supportive of our hs'ing

 

I voted one, although......my dh was not thrilled with the idea at first. He had a liberal mindset "educationally" speaking thanks to his sister who worked as a ps teacher for 30-35 years...she just retired at 57.

 

However, my dad and uncle can "trump" her....;)

 

My dad is a former ps teacher and principal. My uncle is former ps teacher and superintendent!! Both are retired and favor homeschooling!!

 

While my dh was initially not sold on it, through much prayer he came around and agreed that I could try. He fully came on board when, over time, he witnessed the benefits and observed, firsthand, the successes that were accomplished with homeschooling. HTH. Sheryl <><

[RoughCollie]

There are important people in my life who do not support homeschooling. They don't live anywhere near us, and what they think doesn't bother me. Generally, they keep it to themselves, or I quickly curtail conversations about their opinions.