Joanne Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I spent the day in (yet another) mediation. We settled, trying to avoid the cost of our court date on Monday. Xh is unemployed (again) and I expect this has cost him more than me. The news is good but mixed: we retain custody. In exchange, however, Andrew goes to public school in the fall. There are other details to it, but that is the main issue. As I told the mediator, I've been having to choose from a pool of bad choices. This ending was the best of the bad. All future disputes will have to go to mediaton and, if not settled, binding arbitration instead of court. It has been a torture of 3 years. The NPD funny: The letter from the mediator said that only "the parties and their attorneys" may attend and that friends, spouses, family, etc make things worse not better. It also said that the mediation must be paid for with cash or money order. Rules exist in NPD's life - but not for them. He showed up with his wife and a check. :lol::lol::tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I am obviously not up on all the rules here but if you retain custody, can you decide not to send ds to school or did you get custody only on the condition you send him to PS? Perhaps you cannot share that much info. I am just wondering what wonky decisions some judges hand down and WHY? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 11, 2010 Author Share Posted June 11, 2010 I am obviously not up on all the rules here but if you retain custody, can you decide not to send ds to school or did you get custody only on the condition you send him to PS? Perhaps you cannot share that much info. I am just wondering what wonky decisions some judges hand down and WHY? In the 3 years this has been pending, we've never actually been arbitrated by the Judge. She assigned an amicus who decided in our favor. The other side then wanted a full psychological evaluation, and he decided in our favor. Court date, "trial", was scheduled for Monday. Because it has been SO long that this has been pending, we had to try another mediation before we could go to court. XH was more motivated to settle this time since his chances of custody were at this point zero. As his chances of custody diminished, his focus on homeschooling increased. I could have not settled and gone to court, but that would have easily been another $8K minimum. So, I settled. That's the short version. LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Well done Joanne. At least this is something you can take off your plate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asta Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 The NPD funny: The letter from the mediator said that only "the parties and their attorneys" may attend and that friends, spouses, family, etc make things worse not better. It also said that the mediation must be paid for with cash or money order. Rules exist in NPD's life - but not for them. He showed up with his wife and a check. :lol::lol::tongue_smilie: :lol::lol::lol: Axis IIs never cease to p!ss me off. a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm so glad this is over for you --at least as "over" as it's probably going to get. It's been such a long, ugly road, hasn't it? :lol: at the XH. This is SO like him! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fivetails Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Does your son *want* to go to public school? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I know you are glad this is over. PS is not the end of the world. Is your son happy about this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 The NPD funny: The letter from the mediator said that only "the parties and their attorneys" may attend and that friends, spouses, family, etc make things worse not better. It also said that the mediation must be paid for with cash or money order. Rules exist in NPD's life - but not for them. He showed up with his wife and a check. :lol::lol::tongue_smilie: I can imagine my NPD Mom doing something like that. It didn't matter what the situation was, she always had to be right and always had to set the rules. When my Dad very close to dying she went to lunch because she told everyone that she had decided that he was just a "little ill" and that the doctors and nurses were wrong. When she came back, he was gone, having died in the arms of a neighbor who had been called in right after Mom left because the nursing home staff were so horrified at her attitude. I laugh about it now because it was so typical of her, but when I found out about it of course it was so very upsetting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 It must be a relief, after all this. And, kids are resilient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PollyOR Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Joanne, I hope this will relieve some of the stress in your life. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radiobrain Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Can it be an online public school? Like a K-12? That could be a solution. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I'm glad it's over for you. I hope your son is ok with going to school. Why only your son? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Hoping life is more peaceful now. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Yeah, you! I'm so glad it's over! You are going to be able to make this work just fine for Andrew. If anyone can, you can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Can it be an online public school? Like a K-12? That could be a solution. :grouphug: I agree :) I would definitely do that if it was me! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I'm glad that it is over. That must be a huge relief! And it has gone on so long, there surely must not be much of ps left to go to. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I'm glad it's settled. May God grant you peace from the process now. Thanks for the update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 May this be a path to peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 :grouphug: I know this has been a long, hard road from all the things you have shared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 Well done Joanne. At least this is something you can take off your plate. I am glad it's over for you. What horror! You said what happened when your xh and wife showed up with a check? It is just odd to me that the parent without custody can force the other to do something. Seems to defy the very meaning of "custody". Will there ever be a time when your ds can decide for himself what schooling choice he would like to make, for instance when he is 16? I heard this is the age when kids can decide with whom they want to live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 Will there ever be a time when your ds can decide for himself what schooling choice he would like to make, for instance when he is 16? I heard this is the age when kids can decide with whom they want to live. This must vary by state. In Georgia, a child at age 14 has the right to decide which parent to live with, as long as that parent doesn't have any major issues, i.e. addiction, abuse, etc. My dd18 came to live with me full-time. At age 16, she decided she wanted to homeschool. My custody papers say I'm supposed to discuss everything with XH but that in the end, I had the final say. I'm thankful my story isn't as bad as Joanne's, but custody stuff is so unpleasant. I did a happy dance when she turned 18 last month. I don't have to deal with XH on anything anymore. Yay!! It's been a long 16 years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hen Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 I am so glad you are finally going to have some peace. I've been watching your updates for a long time, truly horrified at what this man has put you through. Very happy for your new peace, but a small part of me always hopes the jerk would get what he deserves..why I read happy fiction, I guess.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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