Interesting article on the Pearls, homeschooling parents, and parenting

[Cammie]

I know there was a thread about the recent death being attributed to the Pearls. The Salon article below is interesting and examines why so many homeschooling families are supporters of the Pearls.

 

http://www.salon.com/life/parenting/index.html?story=/mwt/feature/2010/02/22/no_greater_joy

 

I won't say more because there is no need to incite another discussion about them. Just thought some people might find this interesting!

[elizabeth]

I appreciate this information. Wonderful analysis .

[LibraryLover]

I am happy to read that some Christians are rejecting this profound sickness that has resulted in so many deaths. The Pearls must be called on their motivations...and that is their multimillion dollar S & M ministry.

Edited February 23, 2010 by LibraryLover

[cathmom]

That was a very interesting article. Thank you.

 

I remember the one time I held To Train A Child or whatever it's called - I had gone to a homeschool conference with a friend. I had heard of the Pearls and this book through online homeschooling message boards, and so I picked it up to look at it and was beginning to read through it when my friend came over. She took one look at it, said, "Oh, you don't want that!" and moved on. So I put it back. I think that's how people get sucked in - they've heard about it online, they pick it up, decide to read it, think "Well, maybe it will work," try it out, etc. Thank God my friend was able to discern from one quick glance that I did not need or want that book!

[Orthodox6]

Thank you for the link. I always had heard that the authors are, err, eccentric at best. (How's that for not voicing my genuine, strongly negative opinion ?!) They just weren't people whose books I cared to take the time for reading. To be fair, as with any controversial topic, I should read some of the original source material before forming a final opinion. In their case, however, there appears to be sufficient secondary source material indicating that this is a cult-like mindset which could not possibly appeal to me. (Please note that I used the word "cult-like", and did not call the authors' "ministry" a cult.)

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Thanks for the info:)

[Orthodox6]

Sickening. "Without breath to complain" ? They don't appear eccentric, they appear demonic, and those that try to excuse them are lunatics.

 

I tried to craft my sentence (with use of "eccentric") carefully, to indicate that I don't like what I read about the authors. I did not know how strongly I dared express myself, because I saw that the moderator had removed several posts.

[aggieamy]

I've never heard of the Pearl's really before this board so I don't have much of an opinion on them until I got to the discussion on obedience from an infant. :confused: I feel like they might have missed some really important child development lessons in life. I am watching my words here because I don't want to get banned like many others have over this topic

[hillfarm]

If you're feeling strong and have your flame-proof undies on, read some of the comments to the article. Christians, evangelicals, and homeschoolers all get black eyes from the rampant bashing.

 

I read and used some of the suggestions from How To Train Up a Child. I disregarded those that did not fit my beliefs. IMO, many of the parents who follow progams like the Pearls' so wholeheartedly are terrified of what worldly ways and an inherently self-centered nature might cause in their children. Terrified to the point that they are willing to put sound judgement aside and do reprehensible things. I also feel that it is a serious mistake to assume that all of the Pearls' followers are the picture of mental health themselves. Sometimes people who have certain tendencies seek out things that support and enhance those tendencies. There is absolutely no evidence to indicate that these parents wouldn't have arrived at the same tragic end even if they had never read the Pearls' material and were firmly entrenched in the public school system.

 

I believe this is one of the many reasons it is critical to teach our children the disciplines of logic, reasoning, and critical thinking. If the victim's family had stronger skills in these areas, perhaps they would have been able to catch some of the more questionable practices encouraged by the Pearls and decide to turn away from them. Just because some book or program has the label "Christian" slapped on it, doesn't mean it is worthy of that name. I want my child to be able to see that clearly.

 

Along these lines, I have bought a couple of the popular homemaking/Christian living books for girls. But even though I consider my family to be devout evangelical Christians, I ditched the books after a couple of weeks. I found so many questionable claims and outright errors (particularly in the areas of Bible interpretation and scientific fact) that I decided that the books were not worthy of our time. I did something I rarely do, and that is I threw the books away. I usually always resell my used school books or give them away. But these were flawed to the point that I did not want to be the instrument of introducing them into someone else's home.

 

As Christians, we must adhere to high standards and hold all materials equally to those standards, regardless of whether they come with a Christian label or not.

[Carol in Cal.]

I have met a lot of homeschoolers.

 

And I don't know very many, maybe a handful only, who follow the Pearls.

 

I agree with others who have said that it is time for Christians to speak up about their teachings. In case anyone is unclear about me, I am a conservative, Biblical Christian who finds their teachings unreflective of genuine submission to Christ. At best. I am expressing myself mildly here, but my feelings are much stronger than I am saying. I do not follow them, nor would I.

 

I also think that it is important not to let the impression stand that every or even most Christian homeschoolers follow the Pearls. That is so far from what I have seen that it is ludicrous. One is too many, but we cannot reasonably allow the proportion to be wildly overstated. That would hurt all of us.

[Remudamom]

Gah. I feel like spitting every time I see their name.

[Carol in Cal.]

Gah. I feel like spitting every time I see their name.

 

Don't hold back, now. Tell us how you really feel.

[Rosy]

As Laurie Mathers wrote on her blog: "The Pearls' system does not just mold children, it molds well-meaning parents into the kind of people who think they can and should expect perfect obedience and perfect behavior from imperfect and defenseless little creatures. In fact, it teaches them that if they don't succeed in this, they are not fit to be parents at all."

 

I think this bears repeating, and is possibly where the danger lies. While I don't have a problem with *limited* and wisely applied corporal punishment, the belief that we can essentially purge the sin from our childrens' hearts with spankings can drive frustrated parents to a dangerous application of this principle.

 

I was given "To Train Up a Child" when I was a new parent...and the promise of the kind of obedience they describe is tantalizing. My friend who gave me the book was really into them. She was sure that her kids' behavior problems were because she hadn't done things biblically enough when they were little.

 

He talks about training animals (horses, I think) and how kids are smarter than animals and therefore can be trained effectively using the same methods. It's unfortunate that people read things like that without thinking or questioning.

[hweakland]

Thank you for the link to this article I will be posting a link to it on my blog as well since I am aware that there are many people in the homesteading/homeschooling community who could benefit from reading it.

 

Blessings,

Hope

[Cammie]

I think the part that will stick with me forever is the image of a parent walking around the house with the plumbing pipe around their neck as a reminder of their power to punish misbehavior.

[Pip]

I think the part that will stick with me forever is the image of a parent walking around the house with the plumbing pipe around their neck as a reminder of their power to punish misbehavior.

 

This may get deleted. As a conservative Christian looking at this and other things he has said, methinks Mr. Pearl has a god-complex.

[Nakia]

I think the part that will stick with me forever is the image of a parent walking around the house with the plumbing pipe around their neck as a reminder of their power to punish misbehavior.

 

That seriously makes me want to vomit. They are sick.

[AFwife Claire]

I read and used some of the suggestions from How To Train Up a Child. I disregarded those that did not fit my beliefs. IMO, many of the parents who follow progams like the Pearls' so wholeheartedly are terrified of what worldly ways and an inherently self-centered nature might cause in their children. Terrified to the point that they are willing to put sound judgement aside and do reprehensible things. I also feel that it is a serious mistake to assume that all of the Pearls' followers are the picture of mental health themselves. Sometimes people who have certain tendencies seek out things that support and enhance those tendencies. There is absolutely no evidence to indicate that these parents wouldn't have arrived at the same tragic end even if they had never read the Pearls' material and were firmly entrenched in the public school system.

 

I believe this is one of the many reasons it is critical to teach our children the disciplines of logic, reasoning, and critical thinking. If the victim's family had stronger skills in these areas, perhaps they would have been able to catch some of the more questionable practices encouraged by the Pearls and decide to turn away from them. Just because some book or program has the label "Christian" slapped on it, doesn't mean it is worthy of that name. I want my child to be able to see that clearly.

 

 

This describes me exactly. I read To Train Up a Child back when I first had children, and I gained a few valuable insights from it. I also read a bunch of other books, and more importantly, I had a lot of older, wiser friends to whom I went for practical and applied parenting advice. I also feel like I have always had a handle on the concept that we are all sinners, and there is no parenting system on earth that is going to turn out perfect children.

 

Regarding the Pearls, I guess I have always been on the side that they talked about in the article, where you filter out the bad, and just use what is helpful and not crazy, etc. Obviously I have done that. But I have really had my eyes opened that there are people out there who have absolutely no discernment and I guess no common sense, and they launch so whole-heartedly into a flawed system that they can not separate the good from the bad. And in the case of the Pearls, the bad is so very bad. So I have changed my position completely. There are so many better places out there to get info and advice from.

 

Still, it's just so hard for me to understand how people can get so sucked into something like this that they don't see these glaring problems. I just don't get it.

[Laurie]

I think the part that will stick with me forever is the image of a parent walking around the house with the plumbing pipe around their neck as a reminder of their power to punish misbehavior.

 

I agree! I'd never heard of these people until I read about them here, and I'll never forget what "Kelli in Tn" wrote about her own experience at one of their seminars: (Thanks, Kelli!!!)

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showpost.php?p=334861&postcount=27

[Mrs Mungo]

If you're feeling strong and have your flame-proof undies on, read some of the comments to the article. Christians, evangelicals, and homeschoolers all get black eyes from the rampant bashing.

 

 

It's sad that authors like Dr. William Sears don't get the same type of press *as Christians*. He heavily discusses passages such as "spare the rod, spoil the child" as a shepherd's rod, used to guide. That the father of AP and people like the Pearls are both coming from a Christian perspective of one type or another, shows how varied Christians are. What the Pearls show is that legalism and extremism are almost always bad.

[Heather in OK]

Interesting.

 

the Pearls advocate a specific program of even-tempered, non-injurious corporal punishment, or "chastisement," designed to bring about total obedience -- even by infants -- to their sovereign parents.

"Non-injurious corporal punishment"??? Are they serious? Have the authors of this article actually read what these people teach??

 

By no means do the Pearls advocate suffocation with blankets; they are emphatically against "abuse."

Ha. I would love to know what their definition of abuse is.

 

Michael Pearl said, "We do not teach 'corporal punishment' nor 'hitting' children. We teach parents how to train their children, which sometimes requires the limited and controlled application of a spanking instrument to hold the child's attention on admonition ...

wow.

 

I will agree on the point that they do not teach or advocate beating a child to the point of extreme physical harm or death. However, the type of things they do teach are such that if someone has issues controlling the temper or has such a need for control, these teachings help them validate their response. As I said in the other thread, the ultimate fault is with the one causing the abuse/death but there is fault to be had with the Pearls for the teachings. I 125% agree with what is quoted here:

Legally, I don't know if he can be charged. But morally? I believe that absolutely, anyone who advocates treating children like that bears responsibility."

[mirth]

I also think that it is important not to let the impression stand that every or even most Christian homeschoolers follow the Pearls. That is so far from what I have seen that it is ludicrous. One is too many, but we cannot reasonably allow the proportion to be wildly overstated. That would hurt all of us.

 

:iagree: Quoted from the article: "The teachings of the Pearls and their Tennessee-based No Greater Joy ministry, which brought in $1.8 million last year in sales of books, DVDs and the like, are widely known and normalized across many conservative Christian churches and home-schooling communities."

 

 

The Pearls seem to have no speaking engagements lined up. Their doctrine allows only the KJV of the Bible for English-speakers. (Ok, there goes the appeal to Orthodox and Catholic Christians ...) The only testimonials they print are those from the "master distributors" of their wares.

 

These people are a mess, but are not "widely known or normalized" anywhere. What a remarkable statement to say otherwise.

[Orthodox6]

[questions inserted below]

 

:iagree: Quoted from the article: "The teachings of the Pearls and their Tennessee-based No Greater Joy ministry, which brought in $1.8 million last year in sales of books, DVDs and the like, are widely known and normalized across many conservative Christian churches and home-schooling communities."

No way that I'm supporting the Pearls; however, the article does continue with a claim that most of the profits are plowed back into the business, and that free distribution of their junk (sorry -- can't resist the epithet) is a major activity.

 

 

The Pearls seem to have no speaking engagements lined up. Their doctrine allows only the KJV of the Bible for English-speakers. (Ok, there goes the appeal to Orthodox and Catholic Christians ...) The only testimonials they print are those from the "master distributors" of their wares.

I am Russian Orthodox, and do not understand what you are saying here. Orthodox Christians do not have a "mandated translation"; we just use the complete Bible (which means that it includes books excised by Protestant faiths), with the Septuagint version of the OT. Our archbishop requests that the KJV be used for public readings (as in during worship services), because he has his linguistic understanding to support his preference. Other jurisdictions and dioceses use whatever their bishops request for public worship. . . . At any rate, please explain what you meant ! Thanks !

 

These people are a mess, but are not "widely known or normalized" anywhere. What a remarkable statement to say otherwise.

[TXMary2]

I have a very dear friend who swears by the Pearls. She gave me their book. I read it. I have spanked before at really crucial times, but for everyday disobedience it just isn't for me. I'd rather do time outs or take away a privelige than spank the heck out of my precious children and break their spirits. My friend thinks I am making a mistake, but I think there is no foolproof method of parenting. I think it is trial and error and we all some good days and we all have some bad days. Personally, what I see in her children: Daughter very quiet and compliant, oldest ds is creepy and reminds me of Eddie Haskell, youngest ds is very agressive when Mom and Dad aren't looking, but when they are he plays victim. They could be like this for any number of reasons, but I tend to think it is from the frequent spankings and violence. JMO of course.

[mirth]

Not that any church has a mandated version for itself, but the Pearls say about their own doctrine: "We believe the sixty-six books of the King James Version, nothing added or deleted, constitute the whole of Scripture "given by inspiration of God" to English speaking people."

 

The author claimed that Pearly stuff is old hat to most conservative Christians and homeschoolers.

 

I set to disprove the author's claim to the broadness of the Pearl fan-base in pointing out that the Pearls themselves uphold a restrictive doctrine that would rule out their appeal to whole churches of Christians (whose Bible or representation of Scripture may deviate in any way from the 66 books of KJV), many of whose members would both be considered and consider themselves conservative.

Edited February 23, 2010 by mirth

[Orthodox6]

Thanks for taking time to explain that !

 

I guess the Pearls never learned that the original version of the KJV includes books no longer present in their preferred abbreviated version. (i.e. those books called by some "apocrypha", and by others "deuterocanonical") As I am reluctant to think them so naive as to believe the Bible appeared "at birth" in English, I conclude that they believe that God hand-picked the KJV for speakers of English. Does this mean that they avoid sharing the Gospel with people from other countries, people who do not speak English? Groups like the ABS are tireless in their translation work, work which has saved many lives !

 

At any rate, I'm similar to others here who have observed that they never even heard of this family until joining the WTM boards !

 

Not that any church has a mandated version for itself, but the Pearls say about their own doctrine: "We believe the sixty-six books of the King James Version, nothing added or deleted, constitute the whole of Scripture "given by inspiration of God" to English speaking people."

 

The author claimed that Pearly stuff is old hat to most conservative Christians and homeschoolers.

 

I set to disprove the author's claim to the broadness of the Pearl fan-base in pointing out that the Pearls themselves uphold a restrictive doctrine that would rule out their appeal to whole churches of Christians, many of whom many would consider conservative.

[BikeBookBread]

This blog post (which was cited in the Salon.com article) by the owner of Timberdoodle is a sober warning to parents about the danger of going down the [Pearl's] path of discipline. I appreciate him stepping up and making a public statement against the Pearl's teachings.

 

ETA: I just went to post the link in my blog and the post is gone. Interesting.

ETA AGAIN: It is intermittently up and down. Maybe it's just getting A LOT of hits.

Edited February 23, 2010 by BikeBookBread

[HRAAB]

Not that any church has a mandated version for itself, but the Pearls say about their own doctrine: "We believe the sixty-six books of the King James Version, nothing added or deleted, constitute the whole of Scripture "given by inspiration of God" to English speaking people."

 

The author claimed that Pearly stuff is old hat to most conservative Christians and homeschoolers.

 

I set to disprove the author's claim to the broadness of the Pearl fan-base in pointing out that the Pearls themselves uphold a restrictive doctrine that would rule out their appeal to whole churches of Christians (whose Bible or representation of Scripture may deviate in any way from the 66 books of KJV), many of whose members would both be considered and consider themselves conservative.

 

I first heard of the Pearls when I started homeschooling and was loaned one of their books by a mother in a Catholic homeschooling group. My oldest was 'spirited', and she believed the book would help me be a better parent. There were several parents in that group that followed the Pearls. I'm sure they got the material from the larger Christian homeschooling group as it's not something I would ever expect to see among Catholic parenting materials (although there was a Catholic lay organizations which was promoting Ezzo's material). I have been to homeschooling conventions and curriculum sales where Michael Pearl's material is being sold. I have no idea what percentage of Christian homeschoolers follow these methods, but I've heard Pearl mentioned enough times in a positive manner that I think it's probably more than I want to believe. This could also more so in certain geographical locations.

 

I'm ashamed to admit that for a couple years I tried to some extent to follow some of the parenting tips in To Train Up A Child. I was unsure of myself and had no support system except these particular homeschoolers. Or maybe I temporarily lost my mind. Thankfully my dh did not support corporal punishment, but I still managed to shame my children something awful and find ways other than a plumbing tube to break their spirit. To say I'm ashamed doesn't even begin to sum up how I feel about what I did to my two oldest. Fortunately, I started thinking for myself again and spent the next 10 years trying to right those wrongs. I'll carry that to my grave.

Edited February 23, 2010 by Ishki

[TXMomof4]

Quoted from Michael Pearl: "If indeed these parents were abusive, and that has not yet been proven by the courts, it is regretful that our teachings were not able to turn them from their predisposition to abusive habits."

 

IF THESE PARENTS WERE ABUSIVE???? Holy guacamole. How could you hope to turn someone away from an abusive predisposition if your entire philosophy encourages someone that it's ok if you hit your child? :confused:

[phathui5]

We left a church because I realized that there were a bunch of people there who are into the Pearls. I try to keep our family away from the Pearlie influence.

[keptwoman]

I agree! I'd never heard of these people until I read about them here, and I'll never forget what "Kelli in Tn" wrote about her own experience at one of their seminars: (Thanks, Kelli!!!)

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showpost.php?p=334861&postcount=27

The more I read about these people the more I feel like hurling :(

It makes me sad that they are saying that Christian homeschoolers are heavily into this because I think that overstates it a lot and tars a lot of good parents with a very sick brush.

[Slartibartfast]

I won't give a cent to people who recommend hitting babies.

[Joanne]

"Obviously, I don't think Mr. Pearl stood over Lydia's body with plumbing line in hand," says Rebecca Diamond, a Bible Belt-born observant Christian and home-schooler in eastern Canada whose blog is critical of the Pearls.

 

I've known Rebecca for years. She designed my discipline site! :D

 

One thing I think is being missed is the *extra* risk that adopted children are subject to. The combination of special challenges they may present with an extreme attachment (of the parents) to *obedience* creates a dynamic that leads to dead adoptive children.