How do you get your kids to

[SeekingSimplicity]

clean their rooms?

 

Everything I have tried, even things as drastic as bagging up all their stuff and making them earn it back, has failed. They never earn it back, and what few basics I leave them with end up on the floor and put in storage with what they're supposed to earn back. I'm out of ideas here.

[NorthwestMom]

Flylady.net has a lot of great tips on her website.

 

For us, I am still teaching the kids how to do it (or modeling it), so we usually do it together. To make it as positive as possible we always play music, light scented candles, and have a drink with us (which is usually not allowed upstairs). Then I go in and instruct, "First we need to get all the Barbies put back in the bin. While you do that, I will gather all the Polly Pockets and put them in their bin..."

 

The kids resist making their beds each day. For that, they get to do nothing fun until they are made. Homeschool can start with unmade beds, but when the first break comes they are sent upstairs and not allowed any free time until the bed is made. If they spend their whole break in a sulk (which happens), then they go back down and do more school, and at the next break they go back up... etc until it is finally made.

 

Good luck!

[milovany]

clean their rooms?

 

Everything I have tried, even things as drastic as bagging up all their stuff and making them earn it back, has failed. They never earn it back, and what few basics I leave them with end up on the floor and put in storage with what they're supposed to earn back. I'm out of ideas here.

 

Aim for clean once a day? And then tie it to a meal -- you don't get it done, you don't get that meal until it's done. If you're Christian, this has a Biblical principle behind it, so you could explain it that way. If you're in not it's still worth trying!

[Jean in Newcastle]

I cleaned it with them - de-cluttering as we went. Then once the stuff was manageable, they are required to clean it up before bed. Sometimes bedtime can get rather late until it is all cleaned up. But we are NOT going to back to how it was! I don't see the ages of your kids listed though and that would be a big factor in what answer I gave.

[SeekingSimplicity]

We've tried the 'he who does not work does not eat' approach and there have been days I have sent them to bed without eating. They're hungry, their rooms are still as big a mess as they were to start with (sometimes more so). Then everyone feels horrible.

 

 

I'm a flylady drop out. When I've tried it, I end up concentrating on one area of the house. While I'm taking care of that the rest of the house gets trashed. I just can't seem to get the hang of it.

[milovany]

We've tried the 'he who does not work does not eat' approach and there have been days I have sent them to bed without eating. They're hungry, their rooms are still as big a mess as they were to start with (sometimes more so). Then everyone feels horrible.

 

Maybe change it to the morning meal (so you have several hours to give to it if needed), and do also what Jean said -- work with them, singing happy songs as you go.:D It'll take time to develop the habit, probably, but then it might be easier after that?

[SeekingSimplicity]

We really do need to make it more of a habit. Part of it is I wait too long to make them clean up, then it's too big of a job. We have a habit of cleaning the bathroom, kitchen and livingroom every day... I don't know why this one is so much tougher LOL

[AK_Mom4]

We really do need to make it more of a habit. Part of it is I wait too long to make them clean up, then it's too big of a job. We have a habit of cleaning the bathroom, kitchen and livingroom every day... I don't know why this one is so much tougher LOL

 

Probably because "We" have the habit of cleaning those 3 rooms each day, but you want "Them" to clean their own rooms.

 

"They" aren't really in the habit of cleaning - "they" are in the habit of helping you clean the 3 public rooms under your direction. When they are little, you clean it with them. When they are old enough, you give them a specific list of things to clean (that you have already taught them) and check it when they say they are done. Repeat this 100 times (say for 3 months) and "they" will have the habit of cleaning their rooms.

[AnitaMcC]

clean their rooms?

 

Everything I have tried, even things as drastic as bagging up all their stuff and making them earn it back, has failed. They never earn it back, and what few basics I leave them with end up on the floor and put in storage with what they're supposed to earn back. I'm out of ideas here.

 

 

I call in the big guns... Daddy... :lol: He will step in and make the kids clean when I say something to him (he doesn't want to hear me nag).

 

My kids are all slobs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One way that helps manage their disaster rooms is that they are not allowed to play on computer/video games until their rooms are picked up (trash out, dirty clothes in hamper, clean clothes put away). The kids are not allowed video/computer games except for Friday afterschool through Sunday evening, so if their rooms are clean by Friday after school then they get time on games... if not then no games until their rooms are cleaned up.

 

Dh is a slob too, but I have trained him some- :001_unsure: . I just can't keep up with the way I want the house to be cleaned with 9 people living here, so I just aim for a cleanish pigsty. So the kids rooms are rarely completely clean unless I am in there with them and helping them.

Edited February 15, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[keptwoman]

We have screen free Saturdays. No TV, computer, Nintendos etc. Then from Sunday onwards they are not allowed screentime until their rooms are tidy. Now usually this works like a dream, we've been using it for going on 3 years. Most weeks the rooms are tidied and vaccumed by 9am Sunday, very occasionally they get left to Monday. For some reason this past two weeks none of them tidied their rooms, I have pondered if we need to change the consequence, but we actually rather like the fact that they have chosen to entertain themselves in more creative ways so I'm leaving it up to them to tidy them when they are ready to get screen priviledges back.

[LibraryLover]

Often when it's looking really bad, I put the vac in the child's room and say, "Here is the vaccum, use it tomorrow morning please". I've also often said, 'Here's a rag. You dust and I'll vac. While I pee, pick up any treasure from the floor". ;) I think most kids want some organization, and if it's not been a big battle for years, they will appreciate the help and enjoy the tidy. For a while, when they were younger, we did have a housekeeper, but they knew they needed to pick up everything from the floor so the housekeeper could vaccum without breaking the vac, and clear surfces of papers etc so they could be dusted. That's just basic respect.

 

I've never had to punish or confisscate. Reminders & help work well enough. My 16 yr old is not very good at laundry. So he has an assigned say to do it, which he picked. We just remind him it's his day. He wants clean clothing. lol We also declutter together twice a year, and we do a big declutter together in Dec for Christmas. Not having a ton of crap in there makes it so much eaiser.

 

When they were little, we always worked together, and I never would haven take their toys. Little kids need help, otherwise they are overwhlemed. I just don't think it works well to not model or help.

Edited February 15, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Night Elf]

For big stuff like vacuuming, I do it for them if they don't want to do it. I never vacuumed my room when I was growing up and I have no problems doing it now, so I'm not worried they won't learn responsibility. :tongue_smilie:

 

Laundry: if dirty clothing doesn't make it to our hampers in the bathrooms, it doesn't get washed. It's their motivation because they've never liked running out of clothes or wearing dirty stuff. Everyone is responsible for folding and putting away their own clean laundry. They've been doing that since they were old enough to carry clothes from my room to their rooms. It's not a chore, it's just a thing we do. Each child has adopted their own way of doing it. My ds13 puts his stuff in drawers. My dd11 got 4 large bins to put in her closet so she can just throw stuff in. And my dd17 often leaves her clean laundry piled up.

 

Picking up: Their stuff in their rooms. I only pick up if they ask me to help them. Again, it's something we've always done so it's a natural thing. Besides, they keep their doors closed because of pets, so untidy rooms never bother me.

 

Cleaning can be a stress for some people, it's not for me. It is what it is. :)

[VA6336]

Sometimes, I sit in the middle of their room (in an empty space!) and read from our family read-aloud while they clean. They stop cleaning, I stop reading. It helps on occasion.

[6packofun]

Well, how about another kind of motivation? Whenever the room needs a really good cleaning, tell them that they can set up and sleep in a tent (or invite a friend to sleepover? or play a game that takes up some space? have a dance party with some streamers?) when they get it picked up. If there isn't any room to do what they *want* to do in there, that can be a motivator.

 

This is NOT an daily or even weekly thing, obviously, but I think positive reinforcement is great for things that are *responsibilities* (things we will never avoid all of our lives!) so that our kids grow up thinking that there is good reason for making life easier on themselves and others and not something to avoid. I was punished a lot for my slobbish tendencies and for not cleaning perfectly; I still look at housework as a grueling, menial task even though I know in my head that it's a loving part of taking care of my family. But it still feels like a punishment! LOL

 

Key to the cleaning thing, though, IMO is making sure that toys have places to be PUT away. All sets or groups of things should have their own bin/box/drawer and then everything else should fit in a catch-all bin/box. That way, when they are cleaning they can pick an item up and know immediately if it has a specific bin or if it's in the catch-all spot. If the catch-all is overflowing, it's time to reduce the toys in the room. Looking at a messy room is overwhelming and not knowing where to start causes many kids AND adults to freeze in their tracks even though they are not lazy. :D

[JoyfulMama]

Probably because "We" have the habit of cleaning those 3 rooms each day, but you want "Them" to clean their own rooms.

 

"They" aren't really in the habit of cleaning - "they" are in the habit of helping you clean the 3 public rooms under your direction. When they are little, you clean it with them. When they are old enough, you give them a specific list of things to clean (that you have already taught them) and check it when they say they are done. Repeat this 100 times (say for 3 months) and "they" will have the habit of cleaning their rooms.

:iagree:We are required to have clean bedrooms as part of morning chores (me too) and again before bed. I will not walk through their bedrooms at night, in the dark, and step on things.

I remember being frustrated as a kid, not knowing HOW to clean up my room. How to start? Where to start? So I purposely have made sure I have modeled that for my kids. They clean with me, they pick up with me. They know it is important to me. We have a chore chart. The know what is expected of them. I don't make a change unless I know they can do the new chore, and we discuss it before the change is made. (They get promoted.)

The best thing? I know I am doing something right, as my olders will model to my youngers, just I as do.

[Night Elf]

Everything I have tried, even things as drastic as bagging up all their stuff and making them earn it back, has failed. They never earn it back, and what few basics I leave them with end up on the floor and put in storage with what they're supposed to earn back. I'm out of ideas here.

 

Do you think that they might have too much stuff? My kids would know and care if something was missing from their rooms. We don't keep things we don't care about. The kids go through their rooms every few months and always find things to donate, including clothes and books.

[SeekingSimplicity]

Do you think that they might have too much stuff? My kids would know and care if something was missing from their rooms. We don't keep things we don't care about. The kids go through their rooms every few months and always find things to donate, including clothes and books.

 

Yes, that's why I got them down to the 'basics'- a few pieces of clothing, a pair of shoes, and a couple favorite toys. That way they had something to take care of, and maybe get in the habit of taking care of it.... but somehow it didn't work out the way I intended.

[Remudamom]

Aim for clean once a day? And then tie it to a meal -- you don't get it done, you don't get that meal until it's done. If you're Christian, this has a Biblical principle behind it, so you could explain it that way. If you're in not it's still worth trying!

 

That's what we do. If the room isn't clean the kid doesn't eat. Or snack. Or sneak in when they think I'm not looking.

[mom31257]

What I decided was that they didn't have to clean it up every day if they would do it well and without complaint when I said they had to. I usually say to once or twice a week, if I see it is getting bad, or any time some one is coming from out of town. They know I'll start making them do it every day if they don't hold up their end of the bargain. Would it help yours?

 

I still help my ds, especially with clothes that need hanging up, etc. Sometimes, I even offer to help dd just to be nice.

 

If I told them to do it and they did not, they would lose all privileges until it was done in addition to me requiring it more often.

[Jean in Newcastle]

BTW - ds12 can be just told to "clean your room." Dd8 needs to be told things more specifically - "put your dirty clothes in the laundry" - then when that is done, "put your clean clothes in the right drawers" etc.

[Night Elf]

Yes, that's why I got them down to the 'basics'- a few pieces of clothing, a pair of shoes, and a couple favorite toys. That way they had something to take care of, and maybe get in the habit of taking care of it.... but somehow it didn't work out the way I intended.

 

But what's not working out? Are you expecting them to want the stuff back and they don't seem to care? Or do they still have too much to keep clean even without what you've already cleaned out of their rooms?

[LibraryLover]

BTW - ds12 can be just told to "clean your room." Dd8 needs to be told things more specifically - "put your dirty clothes in the laundry" - then when that is done, "put your clean clothes in the right drawers" etc.

 

 

Yes. :) So much nicer than with-holding food. My kids are awesome people and deserve as much respect as any adult. They totally rally and feel part of a team. Withholding food. What a great way to be a family. lol My god. Who would want to live that way? That's how prisons work, not loving families. some kids might need some cheese to get moving. It reminds me of Seinfeld's soup Nazi. "Who care about you blood sugar! No food for you!"

Edited February 15, 2010 by LibraryLover

[hsmom27]

Accountable Kids- You just need the book. The rest of the stuff is easy enough to make yourself.

[Rosy]

We go through phases...the only times they really keep their rooms consistently clean is when we do daily pick-ups. 2-3 times a day is what we need to really make it work. Otherwise, they get worse and worse until I snap and make the kids drop everything and clean up until it's done. DD9 can clean the girls' room with little or no supervision, but she shares with her younger sisters, who are slobs and need to be a part of the process. DS7 has his own room and does ok if it doesn't get too messy. If it does, we have to break it down into categories--pick up the legos, then the clothes, then all the papers, etc. DD6 is horrible about leaving her clothes around and hates picking up, but she does ok if I sit there and tell her "pick up 10 things" and repeat 2x a minute or so. DD5 has to do very little. I need to give her more responsibilities, but it's hard to take the time and work with her.

 

We used to tell DS "you'll get your next meal after your room is clean. Dinner is over at 6:30, I hope you can join us but if not you can wait for breakfast." He did really well with that and we haven't needed to do it in a while. My only problem with it was sometimes I would want his room clean and there wasn't a meal coming for 2 hours. :)

[Hillary in KS]

I don't know how old your kids are. Mine are 14, 9, and 9. (The 9 and 6 yo share a room.)

 

The 14 yo does everything by habit. I rarely have to say anything to him about his room. (If I do, it's usually something like, "How long has it been since you did laundry? How full is your hamper? You might want to think about doing a load of wash.")

 

But for the two littles I make a list of nighttime chores that they must do before bed:

 

Put pajamas on.

Put dirty laundry in hamper.

Lay out clothes for tomorrow.

Clean your room.

Brush and floss.

Story time!

 

The list is taped to their wall, where they can easily see it.

 

Story time starts at 8:00 pm, and we begin nighttime chores at 7:30. If they're too slow, then the story starts without them. Usually that's plenty of motivation. If it's becoming a repeating problem, I'll have the slower child start nighttime chores at 7:15 and see if that helps.

 

Were I to start this as a new routine now, I would first clean their room myself and have them start fresh. Maintaining clean is always easier that digging yourself out. In the beginning, I would stand in there nightly while they clean and sort of "remind" them where things go. Once they know what to do, I would back out and let them be independent. The same with the other chores. With toddlers and preschoolers I did a lot of, "What does the list say to do next?" (The list had pictures on it for non-readers.)

 

They boys keep their own rooms clean now, and because they clean it before bed they start each new day with a clean room. They're cleaning it every night so it never gets too overwhelming for them.

 

One big help: there are no toys in the kids' bedrooms. All the toys are downstairs, in one room. The bedrooms have beds, clothes, and books. Each child has a bin under his bed for special things. I don't care what in those, or how organized those are. But if they can't keep the lid closed, or there's too much stuff to fit into the bin, they've got to remove something.

 

I hope that helps!

[Oak Knoll Mom]

I gave the kids four baskets labeled Clothes, Books, Return, and Toys. They sort everything into those baskets then put away one basket of items at a time. Dealing with only one type of item at a time seems to keep them from getting overwhelmed.

[dtb1999]

Yes. :) So much nicer than with-holding food. My kids are awesome people and deserve as much respect as any adult. They totally rally and feel part of a team. Withholding food. What a great way to be a family. lol My god. Who would want to live that way? That's how prisons work, not loving families. some kids might need some cheese to get moving. It reminds me of Seinfeld's soup Nazi. "Who care about you blood sugar! No food for you!"

 

:iagree: I am really blown away that people are witholding food as a punishment for not picking up toys. Why would you do that? Seriously? :confused:

[TXMary2]

clean their rooms?

 

.

 

I go in with a garbage bag and start cleaning it myself......when they see the garbage bag they suddenly become motivated to clean because I *assume* anything on the floor or dvd's/cd's/games not in their cases must be garbage!! Works everytime.:laugh:

[CalicoKat]

cleaning your rooms together -- for the maintenance

 

If there's an initial big push make it a project and work on it together. Once they're cleaned up then while you clean your room yourself have them clean their room.

 

I don't trust my kids to brush their teeth by themselves twice a day yet, so when I brush mine I have the kids brush their teeth too. I hope that the repetition daily will help create the habit. It's sort of having an expectation for them that doesn't exceed your expectations for yourself.

[gandpsmommy]

We struggle with this. These are the things I have learned:

 

• It's hard for me, as an adult, to manage my time and organize things so that I keep the house clean and tidy, so how much more challenging must it be for a child. They really need me to help them know each day that it's time to pick up anything on the floor and tidy up a bit. I'm thinking about making it a chore to do every day after breakfast.
  

• Everything must have a home, or it will end up in a pile on the floor or shoved into the closet. When there is too much stuff for everything to have a home, we must get rid of some stuff.
  

• Different people have different personalities, and this affects their abilities to perform tasks. DD8 has been able to clean her own room for three or four years and feels very proud of herself at the end. If she needs help with something specific, she will ask. Ds6 is totally overwhelmed by a messy room. He sees the whole mess and doesn't know where to start. I *must* give him single tasks to do and help him get started with it. For example, I might tell him to first pick up all of the coins on the floor and put them back into the piggy bank, and then help him pick up a few pennies before leaving the room. When he's done with that, I would tell him to put all of the rocks and seashells back into their box, and toss a few in with him. I have to keep checking up on him and helping him figure out what to do next. It's just his personality.
  

Personally, I find cleaning and tidying up overwhelming if things are too much of a mess to begin with (and I'm 31). If I am remiss in my scheduling and allow their rooms to go too long without carving out time in our day for regular clean-ups, I like to work alongisde them until it is manageable and then try to have them be responsible for maintaining it. Or I'll have them pick up a certain number of things (5 or 10) at different times during the day until it's manageable again.

 

I know that my kids work better with fuel in their bodies to give them energy and help them to focus. I know that I have a challenging time focusing if I have forgotten to eat first. So, I would never require my kids to clean their rooms before eating breakfast, as I'm sure it would be accomplished much more quickly and efficiently after breakfast.

 

And, although I respect the idea of teaching children work ethics and personal responsibility, I think this can be done without withholding food, which is just unfathomable to me. I also can't imagine giving them the option of not cleaning up as I had asked them to. "If you don't work, you don't eat," to me means that you have a choice to clean up or not. If I have decided that it's time for us to clean up, there's no choice about it. We need to clean up. And I think that a lot of issues become non-issues when you treat them as non-issues. If I made cleaning their rooms an issue over which they might be punished, it would quickly become an issue here. When I treat it as something we just have to do as a part of family life and cleaning as something we all do, it's just a part of the day.

[kalanamak]

I cleaned it with them - de-cluttering as we went. Then once the stuff was manageable, they are required to clean it up before bed. Sometimes bedtime can get rather late until it is all cleaned up. But we are NOT going to back to how it was! I don't see the ages of your kids listed though and that would be a big factor in what answer I gave.

 

My son loves company, so I help him with his room and he "trades" by helping me with something else. He loves to scrub toilets, so I'll do the sink while he does the toilet.

[mom31257]

:iagree: I am really blown away that people are witholding food as a punishment for not picking up toys. Why would you do that? Seriously? :confused:

 

Yes, I agree, too. It really bothered me that people were linking the Bible with it. I understand the whole "you don't work, you don't eat" thing, but I'm pretty sure that is referring to people making a living and supporting their families, not children.

[MamaT]

Straightening their rooms is just part of my dc's morning routine. They get up, straighten their room, eat breakfast, do their chores. It's the same every morning, so it's habit.

 

We clean together on Saturdays, and in June we deep clean/declutter every room in the house.

[Tess in the Burbs]

we have a full clean once a week. when it's time to vacuum they know to get it spotless or toys get sucked up ;-) seriously. they don't want that so it gets done. otherwise I ask one other day during the week to also get fully cleaned. I do throw things out when not put up. they learned quick and respond now when I ask. but really only 2 days a week is it spotless. as long as there is a path to the bed I am ok with the messy room.