Another baby question

[AndyJoy]

So I'm generally the plan-it-all-out-ahead-make-a-schedule type of person. Thus, when my various real life friends & mom told me all about getting my baby on a schedule and feeding him every 2.5 to 3 hrs, this sounded reasonable. However, I have a 4-week-old little boy who doesn't agree. He wants to eat much more randomly than that. Usually it's every 30 minutes to an hour, but he has slept for up to 3 hrs a few times. I've read Preparation for Parenting by the Ezzos (yes, I know that this is a giant can of worms!) and see a measure of logic in having a routine, but I don't think it is going to work for us at this point. My real life friends mock feeding "on demand," citing people they knew who ended up with fat babies, "always have the baby glued to their boob", think it leads to permissive parenting, etc.

 

I KNOW he is not hungry every time he roots around, as it is almost constant, even if he's just finished eating for 45 minutes! He is also gaining weight steadily like he's supposed to. I'm sure it's more comfort/sucking satisfaction that he's seeking.

 

Here are my gut reasons for wanting to feed him "on demand":

 

1. I know there are days when I'm randomly hungrier than usual, and I listen to my stomach, not the clock. Why should he be any different?

 

2. Neither of us is sleeping well anyway when I space out his feedings longer than he wants. At least if I'm feeding him when he wants he will be happy and not screaming (and thus I won't be crying!)

 

3. I don't think we're bonding well currently, as he seems to think the only thing I'm good for is eating, and he acts like I'm torturing him when I don't feed him immediately. He will calm down if dh or another relative holds him, but is constanly rooting and/or screaming when I hold him. I wonder if he will calm down/tolerate me more if he can always count on being fed when he wants to eat!

 

4. He's only 4 weeks old and has not read the books written by the "experts." It's not possible to "spoil" him when all he wants is to be loved and held and feel secure that his needs are being met.

 

5. We're both happiest when he's eating!

 

Basically, I'd like to hear from those who've been there, done that. I could use support/encouragement/advice from those who feed "on demand", but I'm open to debate/differing opinions as well. PLEASE DON'T TURN THIS INTO AN EZZO BASHING/PRAISING THREAD. I really need some help! I'm dissolving into tears at least twice a day right now. What good reasons are there to feed or not feed him on his self-determined time table?

Edited October 25, 2009 by AndyJoy

[smrtmama]

You should feed him on demand because that is the only safe, healthy means of feeding your child. Every major medical organization says it. Your gut says it.

 

How would you cope if someone put you on an enforced feeding schedule? What if they arbitrarily decided you could eat only when they thought it was time? Now imagine you couldn't even express your hunger in words and were helpless to even find your own source of food. Now imagine all of that coupled with the feeling of being abandoned by your only source of comfort. That's what a scheduled feeding is to a baby.

[tadoussac]

Follow your heart.

[kiana]

Your gut and your heart are giving you good advice. Listen to them.

[AndyJoy]

You should feed him on demand because that is the only safe, healthy means of feeding your child. Every major medical organization says it. Your gut says it.

 

How would you cope if someone put you on an enforced feeding schedule? What if they arbitrarily decided you could eat only when they thought it was time? Now imagine you couldn't even express your hunger in words and were helpless to even find your own source of food. Now imagine all of that coupled with the feeling of being abandoned by your only source of comfort. That's what a scheduled feeding is to a baby.

 

Thank you! I'm tearing up just reading this. I may print this out and hand it to anyone who harasses me with unsolicited advice about how often I feed him! I may even copy it in an email to my mom.

[GWOB]

Step 1- Throw away the book.

 

Step 2- Follow your gut.

 

God gave you this kid because he knew you would be the right person to raise him. You know your kid better than some random writers. Do what you think is best. I have managed to keep three kids alive and also keep most of my sanity. I hereby give you permission to wing it and follow your heart.

[smrtmama]

Thank you! I'm tearing up just reading this. I may print this out and hand it to anyone who harasses me with unsolicited advice about how often I feed him! I may even copy it in an email to my mom.

 

I hope it's helpful for you. Too often, I think that we forget that babies are just as human as we are. Who are we to deny any human the basic needs for food and comfort, just because we disagree with the timeliness of their need? A baby can't manipulate or lie, and the comfort your baby receives at your breast is just as nourishing, possibly even more so, than your milk. You're teaching him he can trust you, that you will always make sure his basic needs are met, and that the world is safe.

[swellmomma]

I vote for feeding on demand. I have done so with all my kids whether they were breast feeding, bottle feeding or on table foods. I believe it does foster bonding, because your baby is learning to trust you. That when he cries his needs are being met every. single. time. Feeding on demand will not cause your baby to be fat, that is the first time I have ever heard that line given for on demand feeding. Your heart is already telling you that putting him on a schedule is not right for either of you. Babies/children do well with routines, but a firm schedule with an infant is not going to make either of you happy.

 

A couple other thoughts, it sounds like he is using you as a pacifier. While not a problem for some, if you are finding it problematic that he is attached to the boob or crying for it non-stop I would look at utilizing an actual pacifier. Another thought, are 4-6 weeks babies really peak in their nursing. This is when they hit a major growth spurt and your milk supply has not caught up yet. The more he nurses the faster your supply catches up and the less often he will need to nurse. I found that between 6-8 weeks all the kids were into their own nursing routine, and naturally spaced them out 3-4 hours without me needing to institute a rigid feeding schedule.

 

Go with your heart. When it comes to parenting experts, read the books, take the ideas that speak to you, then toss the book and follow your heart. You will find that you will know the best way to parent your child, even if it goes 100% against everything your irl friends are doing. You know your child best and if you are feeling he would do better nursing on demand than do it.

[AK_Mom4]

Your instincts are right. Your baby is probably just working on a growth spurt and by nursing more frequently now, your milk supply will increase to match baby's appetite. And you will get enough sleep so you are both happy!

 

If it helps, by about 3 months, my kiddos had all settled down into a pretty routine feeding/sleeping pattern and we all had a pretty regular schedule. Hang in there!

[The Governess]

I didn't exactly do on-demand feeding but have friends that have with success. Having a baby on a schedule is convenient but it just doesn't work for some babies. If you think you and your baby will be happier without trying to adhere to a schedule then I would definitely give it a shot.

 

Dd5 was (lucky me, I know) a great sleeper, coming home from the hospital sleeping a 4 hour stretch and then sleeping 8 hours a night at 8 weeks. But this meant that she needed to eat more during the day, and she was also a comfort nurser. So this meant that she wanted to nurse at least every 2 hours during the day and each nursing session was 45 minutes or so. We spent a lot of time on the couch and I got a LOT of reading done. :D

 

Also, he is still so young! You may find that a schedule doesn't work now but in a couple of months it will. If you write down his awake/nursing/sleep times you may also find that he does have his own natural sort of schedule, it's just hard to tell until you have kept a diary of it and see a pattern emerge. I never tried to put dd5 on a schedule but after a while she ended up on kind of her own schedule, and being able to see her natural pattern helped me figure out when the best time was to run errands, lay her down for a nap, etc.

 

I did try to stretch her to at least 2 hours between the start of one feeding to the start of the next, just for my own sanity and because otherwise I would be extremely sore and dreading the next feeding. Have you tried a pacifier? Maybe if he just wants to suck for comfort he would be willing to try one and it would give you a break? Dd never would take one.

 

Those first few months are such an adjustment....I hope that soon you find a pattern that works for you. And don't worry if you choose not to do things exactly the way your friends/mom would have you do, you know your little one best and it sounds like you are doing a great job. :001_smile:

[Mabeline]

I am no expert but I did feed my two boys on demand for about 2 years each. They were both big babies but by the time they were 2 years old they were average height and wieght. My first ds was a very happy little guy and loved to nurse for food and for comfort. as he got older he did get on his own "schedule" that I folowed until he changed it (every two months or so). My younger ds was alot more high strung and a more difficult baby. He did not nurse for comfort as much and as a result would cry more.

I think schedule or no schedule feeding is a personal choice that you have to make considering your personality and your baby's temperment. Do what works for you. If you are happier feeding on demand then do it. Those that scoff at it are not there with your screaming baby at 3am. At the same time it can be a little more draining ( ha ha) to feed on demand because you will never know when you will have a break. Trust yourself and you will be fine.

Also he is so little at four weeks. it does get a lot easier in just a few weeks. I think most babies start to sleep a little longer at about 6 weeks. The first time my ds slept for 4 hours I fell asleep with him and I woke up feeling alive. I had not noticed the fog i had been in waking every hour to two hours all night and day. So just hang in there.:grouphug: It does get better and your baby will sleep eventually.

My sister had her first baby this past Feb. and at about one month she called me crying. She was so upset and wondering what she had "gotten into." :001_huh:Now her baby is 8 months old and my sister could not be happier with her beautiful baby girl. :D Now her baby is an "easy" baby and sleeps great and is so cute and gives hugs and kisses. It is so worth it when your baby smiles at you.

And yes he want to nurse when you are holding him because that is what is the most comforting thing to do. That doesn't mean he is not bonded with you. He just prefers to do his favorite activity with his favorite person.:D

I hope some of my ramblings are helpful.:)

[AndyJoy]

He will take a pacifier sometimes, but not very long (maybe 5 minutes, max!) if I'm the one holding him. He will suck on it much longer for dh, but has trouble keeping it in his mouth for very long.

 

Is there a reason to limit how much time he spends at each breast at a particular feeding? Soreness has not been an issue for me since week 2. I have been limiting him to 20-25 minutes on each side and burping in between and afterwards.

[Caitilin]

And yes he want to nurse when you are holding him because that is what is the most comforting thing to do. That doesn't mean he is not bonded with you. He just prefers to do his favorite activity with his favorite person.

 

:iagree: totally. This is spot-on. Don't worry about what anyone says--do what what baby needs and you need, and all will be well. :grouphug:

 

ETA: I don't know of any reason to limit sides. In fact, it's important that he get the hindmilk from nursing longer at one breast. My babes always nursed on one side per feeding, but it sounds like your little guy is a longer eater than any of mine were.

[Tam101]

On-Demand all the way! And ditch Ezzo!

 

I fed both my children on demand and now that they are older I don't make them clean their plates either (one of them is a 19-year old athletic and eats like crazy). Basicly, I'm of the belief that over eating is taught. So, making a child eat because it's been two hours since they last ate, or for older children making them clean their plate after they are full is teaching them to eat when they are not hungry! Babies, in particular, are great at self-regulating! Let nature take it's course. I also don't have a problem with comfort nursing. Think of it as a hug or snuggle time. :) You wouldn't deprived your baby of that. And while am spreading my opinion skip the crying-it-out and get No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I'm not 100% against CIO, but not a fan of the way Ezzo does it. A much more gentle touch is needed for most kiddos.

 

Just my 2cents!

 

Your question about how long at each breast...It's been a long time for me, but 20-25 mins on the first side sounds good and then the 2nd until he is done. Alternating the starting breast at each feeding so they produce equally helps too. Although my son didn't like the left breast for some reason, so I was lopsided for a couple years. LOL

Edited October 25, 2009 by Tam101

[swellmomma]

I never limited each side until now with dd nearly 25 months only because I am working on weaning her. Maybe try not switching sides half way through the feeding. Nurse for 20-25 minutes like you are doing, burp him and then put him back on the same side. It is possible he is not getting enough hind milk which will keep him feeling full longer and that is resulting him him being hungry so quickly after a feeding. I didn't start switching sides until nearly 6 months when 1 side was no longer enough.

[staceyobu]

The American Academy of Pediatrics even issued a warning against Ezzo's book.

 

Breastfeeding is based on supply and demand. Babies hit growth spurts and need more milk. If you are spacing out feedings and not feeding on demand, you'll eventually not have enough milk and will need to supplement. In many other cultures, infants feed extremely frequently. I really think it is a western mindset that thinks an infant should go three hours without eating. If you had nothing but liquid all day, how much would you want to eat? Breastmilk digests in about 45 minutes. So, babies can't possibly feel full long.

 

Every woman has a different "storage capacity" for milk. Some women may only produce about an ounce at a time. For those women, a baby can still get plenty of milk if they feed extremely frequently. However, if you have a low storage capacity and space feedings, you won't have enough.

 

I really believe breastfeeding was made for more than nutrition. There is a reason both mom and baby get sleepy when nursing... so you can curl up and rest together. Breastfeeding does comfort a baby and there is nothing wrong with using it for that purpose! Why do we think it's acceptable for children to suck on pacifiers around the clock but not to nurse often?

 

If you want to feed the baby on demand, feed the baby on demand. At this point, basically every breastfeeding advocate out there is on your side.

[smrtmama]

He will take a pacifier sometimes, but not very long (maybe 5 minutes, max!) if I'm the one holding him. He will suck on it much longer for dh, but has trouble keeping it in his mouth for very long.

 

Is there a reason to limit how much time he spends at each breast at a particular feeding? Soreness has not been an issue for me since week 2. I have been limiting him to 20-25 minutes on each side and burping in between and afterwards.

 

I've been a breastfeeding peer counselor for 4+ years now, so I'll answer this as an "expert" in the field:

 

There is no reason to limit the time at each breast. Doing so is actually counterintuitive if you want him to feel full longer. It's at the end of the feeding that a baby gets the fattier, filling hind milk, while the early part of a feeding is the more watery foremilk. Allowing him to nurse to satisfaction on each side is the best way to ensure he's getting plenty of hind milk.

 

I'm also going to have to disagree with the notion of not letting a baby "use you as a pacifier." Babies are meant to suckle often. It's good for the baby and the mother. It ensures a plentiful supply of milk for baby and a plentiful supply of hormones so important to mental health postpartum, such as oxytocin (the "love" or "bonding" hormone) and prolactin (the "gentle mothering" hormone). The non-nutritive suck keeps a baby close to his mother, which is a good thing -- a baby that is held often and shown affection frequently is happier and healthier, more able to deal with stressors, and more secure. Far from making a more demanding, clingier child, meeting your baby's needs for both sustenance and affection create a child that needs less constant reassurance that yes, you're still there, and yes, you still love him.

 

Your baby will only be a baby once and that doesn't last for very long. He'll only rely on you for sole sustenance for an infintesimally short period of time out of his entire long life. It's sometimes very demanding to mother an infant, but it's such a tiny blip on the timeline of our motherhood.

[SonshineLearner]

 

Is there a reason to limit how much time he spends at each breast at a particular feeding? Soreness has not been an issue for me since week 2. I have been limiting him to 20-25 minutes on each side and burping in between and afterwards.

 

http://kellymom.com/

 

Here's a great site for you to look at. Don't call it "Fed on Demand", call it "Feed on Request", that'll make you feel better. Each time the baby nuzzles to nurse... think of him asking, "Please mama, feed me... nurture me... let me get some comfort" :-)

 

(oh, and you will want to see if it's better for you to let him get all the milk on one side... I did a couple of minutes on the first side, to bring relief to me... and then finished on the "second" side.... You'll figure it out what works for you both, soon:-)

 

Also, check out what you'd like to wear your baby in....Soft wraps for the winter are great. You may want to make one.... a few yards of fabric, and a Mama who's worn one.... will make a great wrap... (Kinda like a Moby or Ultimate Wrap" http://myfavoritebabycarrier.com/ has wraps/carriers and offers a money back guarantee. I really love the Ergo for about 6 months.

 

You'll find as you remember that Jesus was fed when he was hungry, slept with his Mama and Papa and held in arms... that being caring for your baby can be so sweet.

 

There will be plenty of times to teach them what "wait" means, when there is a reason to... and it's the right time....

 

Best Wishes...

 

(Oh.. and if you want a cool baby hammock.... the kanoe baby hammock works well:-)

Edited October 25, 2009 by NayfiesMama
PS, my little one nursed every hour...to two hours... for the first year..He had a high metabolism..& yes,he got hindmilk

[Carol in Cal.]

...toss that book.

 

You can't spoil a newborn except by ignoring his needs. Go for it! Besides, the more he eats the more efficient you will get as a nursing pair. Soon he will be getting more in 10 minutes than he does now in 40.

[Miss Sherry]

 

After re-reading your post I see that your situation is different than mine was, which I wrote about below. When following the specific advice I was given , as stated below, my baby had not been gaining enough weight, but did after following the lactation specialists advice. However, I see that your baby is already gaining enough weight and there does not seem to be any milk production problems. So just disregard what's below, unless you are just curious anyway.

 

 

I also fed my babies on demand. I did have to get some help from a lactation specialist for my third baby because she had a problem with her sucking reflex developing late. The lactation nurse was a great help.

One of the things she told me was not to let her nurse for as long as I had been - 30 -45 minutes or longer. The nurse thought that letting the baby nurse that long was possibly interferring with milk production. This was 14 years ago and I don't know if that nurse would say the same thing to me now.

You may want to ask about it if you know of a lactation specialist in your area. I think you said your baby nurses for 45 minutes.

I did follow the nurses advice and the difficulties we had been having cleared up.

When I had visits with the lactation specialist they were very inexpensive. If you would like to see one you could call around to find out if one is available in your area.

The lactation specialist I saw did believe there was good reason not to let a baby nurse for overly long periods, which she said had to do with milk production. I don't know if she was correct or not but my baby did do a lot better after following all of the lactation specialists advice. Before following her advice my baby was not gaining weight and hungry all the time. But I have no way of knowing if following her advice of having the baby on the breast for shorter periods was one of the reasons her weight gain went up to normal or not, so I cannot be adament about that. However, this woman had been a lactation nurse for many years.

My advice to you is to find a nurse who is a lactation specialist. Don't just talk to your pediatrician. They do not have training in regards to nursing a baby.

One more comment. She did have me nurse the baby on both breasts for each feeding. Some babies will fall asleep before getting the job done so will need help staying awake. You may need to touch their feet or gently jar them a little so they get enough to eat. I am making these comments in regards to babies that are not getting enough nourishment and for their healths sake need help being kept awake a little while nursing to help them get to a normal weight.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Miss Sherry

[DawnL]

You should feed him on demand. I followed Ezzo with my first, bottle-fed baby. My 2nd and 3rd, our breast fed babies, we fed on demand and let them set the schedule. You are the mommy and you know best. Even if it's something like your son should only wear purple socks. What's the reason? YOU are his MOM and YOU SAID SO. Mom is always right.

 

For middle of the night feedings, it's just so easy to pop them on the boob and go back to sleep. It doesn't last forever, and my middle ds self-weaned at 15 months just fine. He dropped the middle of the night feedings months before that time.

 

When someone tells you how you should feed your baby, do what I do....smile and nod, then do what you are going to do, anyway. Everyone will be happier that way.

[LittleIzumi]

On demand all the way! :D

[Irene Lynn]

The main point is to meet your child's needs. There are reasons that people advocate schedule feeding and there are reasons people advocate on demand feeding. They both have merits to learn from, but they can both be used badly, too.

 

My dd was a classic schedule baby. The schedule that Ezzo would say to follow WAS her schedule. She slept through the night at exactly 8 weeks and was just spot on that feeding schedule. BUT I did not blindly follow a schedule. I followed our dd. My son was not as predictable and again, I followed him. He also had different expectations from me vs. my dh. There were times when I could tell that he wasn't really hungry, but if I was holding him, he thought I should feed him. I didn't try to deprive him, but I did try to find other ways of interacting with him that would fill whatever need he had. Sometimes he insisted on nursing, so we did, but sometimes I would find something else that he enjoyed.

 

My sister fed her dd every time her dd cried pretty much. Her dd was fussy. After some time and after people telling her about scheduling, she tried following a schedule with her dd. She was amazed that her dd became more peaceful. I (and my sister) think that scheduling did help her system to regulate and brought a more predictable life and almost immediately she began to sleep better, too.

 

I think my sister needed the schedule mentality in her case to help her see that her dd had other needs than just food. She really did start to eat bigger meals and then have longer to rest or do other things. She was only snacking all day. If people see that type of success that my sister experienced, then scheduling looks very good. BUT scheduling helped my sister to truly listen to her dd better.

 

Other people have tried following the schedule feeding idea and have also frustrated their children, because their child needed to eat at odd times or more frequentely. These people don't like schedule feeding at all.

 

The real goal is to get to know your own precious child, get to know their different cries, get to know what fills up their little love (and food) tanks and be prepared for that to change just as soon as you get it all figured out. My dd needed gentle touches, a quiet environment, and lots of mommy talking. Our son needed rough handling (I could hardly believe it, but it does make him happier.), and lots of things happening. Dd needed a very predictable life. Our son thrives on variety.

 

Learning to appreciate all the different theories and their merits (and limitations) is very valuable. It will lead to more peace in your own decisions, when you try YOUR best to meet YOUR child's needs. No one should follow the path that I took with either of my kids, just because it was successful with them. It might not be successful for the next child.

 

Before long, all children, who are capable, learn to go to the bathroom, eat breakfast, lunch, and supper, with a snack here and there. They all learn to get dressed, sleep through the night, hug and kiss, and say "I love you." They all grow up. Learn to trust your own instincts, while still listening for any wisdom that will apply to you and your family. And just know that what troubles you now, probably will look so simple in a few more months.

[Miss Sherry]

I just re-read your post and see that your little guy is gaining weight like he's supposed to. So it doesn't sound like you are having a milk production problem by letting him nurse for long periods. However, it does sound like you are having a severe sleep deprivation problem. You did say that you dissolve into tears a couple of times each day. Ohhh, yesss, it can be sooo exhausting caring for a new baby.

I am assuming the baby is sleeping with you because it sounds like he is right near you whenever he wants to nurse.

Some things to think about is how you can balance caring for the baby,yourself, and your husband.

You may want to think about putting the baby in a bassinett across the room and then later , into another room so you will be able to sleep sounder when you do get a chance to sleep. If you can get more sleep by not having the baby in bed with you or in the same room all the time you can possibly get more rest and be better able to function. The sleep deprivation is so hard on you. Do not feel guilty about trying to get a little more sleep.Also, do not worry if your baby is not expressive towards you at 4 weeks except to cry to be nursed. (I saw a comment you made that caused me to say this ). They get more expressive when they get a little older. But not so much at just 4 weeks.

If you feel if is best for you and baby to sleep in the same bed then perhaps it would work to just take breaks from that on some nights so you can try to take the edge out of your sleep deprivation. Sorry if I am making wrong assumptions. I slept with my babies a lot, but found the sleep deprivation was getting to be pretty severe so had to have times of getting better sleep than I could get with them in the bed. Otherwise functioning during the day was often a disaster and quite stressful.

If you don't already have one, I suggest you get a baby monitor so you can still hear your baby if you have him sleep in another room. That might help you to rest better, knowing that you can still hear your baby.

 

You sound like a wonderful, loving Mom.

Congratulations on your little baby. :party:

Edited October 25, 2009 by Miss Sherry

[smrtmama]

After re-reading your post I see that your situation is different than mine was, which I wrote about below. When following the specific advice I was given , as stated below, my baby had not been gaining enough weight, but did after following the lactation specialists advice. However, I see that your baby is already gaining enough weight and there does not seem to be any milk production problems. So just disregard what's below, unless you are just curious anyway.

 

 

I also fed my babies on demand. I did have to get some help from a lactation specialist for my third baby because she had a problem with her sucking reflex developing late. The lactation nurse was a great help.

One of the things she told me was not to let her nurse for as long as I had been - 30 -45 minutes or longer. The nurse thought that letting the baby nurse that long was possibly interferring with milk production. This was 14 years ago and I don't know if that nurse would say the same thing to me now.

You may want to ask about it if you know of a lactation specialist in your area. I think you said your baby nurses for 45 minutes.

I did follow the nurses advice and the difficulties we had been having cleared up.

When I had visits with the lactation specialist they were very inexpensive. If you would like to see one you could call around to find out if one is available in your area.

The lactation specialist I saw did believe there was good reason not to let a baby nurse for overly long periods, which she said had to do with milk production. I don't know if she was correct or not but my baby did do a lot better after following all of the lactation specialists advice. Before following her advice my baby was not gaining weight and hungry all the time. But I have no way of knowing if following her advice of having the baby on the breast for shorter periods was one of the reasons her weight gain went up to normal or not, so I cannot be adament about that. However, this woman had been a lactation nurse for many years.

My advice to you is to find a nurse who is a lactation specialist. Don't just talk to your pediatrician. They do not have training in regards to nursing a baby.

One more comment. She did have me nurse the baby on both breasts for each feeding. Some babies will fall asleep before getting the job done so will need help staying awake. You may need to touch their feet or gently jar them a little so they get enough to eat. I am making these comments in regards to babies that are not getting enough nourishment and for their healths sake need help being kept awake a little while nursing to help them get to a normal weight.

 

I'm sorry, but this information simply is not accurate. Feeding the baby on demand, for as long as the baby wants, does NOT interfere with milk production. It improves it. The more stimulation the breast receives, the more milk it makes. Limiting feeding at the breast is a recipe for milk supply loss and infant weight loss.

 

A "lactation specialist" or "lactation consultant" doesn't necessarily have any more training than a single course in lactation, which often gives highly inaccurate information. The standards to become a LC are VERY low, practically non-existant. Instead, look for a La Leche League leader or an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC).

[Mom-ninja.]

I'm sure it's more comfort/sucking satisfaction that he's seeking.

 

Here are my gut reasons for wanting to feed him "on demand":

 

1. I know there are days when I'm randomly hungrier than usual, and I listen to my stomach, not the clock. Why should he be any different?

 

2. Neither of us is sleeping well anyway when I space out his feedings longer than he wants. At least if I'm feeding him when he wants he will be happy and not screaming (and thus I won't be crying!)

 

3. I don't think we're bonding well currently, as he seems to think the only thing I'm good for is eating, and he acts like I'm torturing him when I don't feed him immediately. He will calm down if dh or another relative holds him, but is constanly rooting and/or screaming when I hold him. I wonder if he will calm down/tolerate me more if he can always count on being fed when he wants to eat!

 

4. He's only 4 weeks old and has not read the books written by the "experts." It's not possible to "spoil" him when all he wants is to be loved and held and feel secure that his needs are being met.

 

5. We're both happiest when he's eating!

 

 

Read all this out loud to yourself. This is all the answer you need. Especially, the "We're both happiest when he's eating!"

 

Listen to your mommy instinct and listen to your baby. The bottom line is that is all that matters. Ignore friends and family that mock you.

 

All my boys were fed on demand, and they are perfectly happy and normal.

[Desert Rat]

You've gotten great advice so far. I just want to add another mother's experience. I nursed each of my boys for 2 years. At the beginning, I nursed whenever they wanted as long as they wanted. I was a pacifier. I felt like a milk machine (read cow) but it was so worth it.

You know your baby and you know yourself. Follow your gut.

My mom gave me some of the best advice. You're going to make mistakes but remember your little man is too young to remember and tell any one. :o

Big hugs to you! Hang in there! It'll get easier once he's not nursing ALL. THE. TIME.

[robsiew]

Ultimately, this is really a personal decision, but I can tell you my experience. With my first I fed him "on demand" as everyone told me I should. By 5 mos. I was majorly sleep deprived, my baby could not fall asleep on his own and I was very miserable. I knew I had to do something to save my sanity and marriage for that matter! So, for three nights I let him "cry it out". He has never had a problem sleeping since then. With our subsequent children (3 of them) I put them on a feeding/sleeping schedule from the beginning and by 3-4 mos. they were all sleeping through the night and eating appropriately. I tried to use paci's, but none of my kids liked them. I tried to find other ways of calming them. A lot of times when mom's **think** their children are hungry... they are really tired and just need to go to sleep. Anyway... I believe we need to teach our children good sleeping/eating patterns. (I do have to say I relaxed the schedule a bit during growth spurts. I believe then they really did need to nurse more.) Now, we have 4 children who are perfectly healthy (always been in the upper 80-90% on growth charts) and good sleepers.

[Mommyof4ks]

My kids have all been fed on demand. My dd's demand schedule happened to be routine, but the boys were not at all. The middle boy ate all day long nearly non-stop for months, and yes he was a very fat baby, but he is not at all a fat 6 yr old. He grew into his weight. The little guy ate every 1-4 hours or so (his choice), and he was too skinny as a baby.

 

Do what you feel is right for your son, and if others don't like it too bad. Routines are for the adults not the kids. We feel the need to know what to expect and such, but kids are spontaneous most of the time.

[Miss Sherry]

I'm sorry, but this information simply is not accurate. Feeding the baby on demand, for as long as the baby wants, does NOT interfere with milk production. It improves it. The more stimulation the breast receives, the more milk it makes. Limiting feeding at the breast is a recipe for milk supply loss and infant weight loss.

 

A "lactation specialist" or "lactation consultant" doesn't necessarily have any more training than a single course in lactation, which often gives highly inaccurate information. The standards to become a LC are VERY low, practically non-existant. Instead, look for a La Leche League leader or an Internationally Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC).

All I know is, that by following that nurses advice, my baby did start gaining weight and all was fine. I think that it's not just suchking at the breast that stimulates supply, but if they are getting something out. This was with a baby with a sucking problem temporarily while developing.

[newlifemom]

AndyJoy,

 

:grouphug: you have just gone through one of the most stressful times in your life. (albeit a good one) Your body is one: supplying for a wee one; and two: a mass of swirling hormones. It gets better. I have seen and done both sides of feeding and honestly, you have to find what works best for you and your little one. There are times when they need more snuggle, feedings and comfort. There are also times when you need to sleep. Make sure you and dh are on the same page wrt how you want to do things with your baby and know that even the best laid plans have to be reworked, tweaked or even ditched altogether. You will get through this. :001_smile:

[Impish]

I have always fed on demand, and when people (read:MIL) harassed me about it, demanding I put the baby on a schedule, I told them that schedules were for trains, planes, and buses...not for babies.

[zaichiki]

Yes, definitely nurse your baby when he wants to nurse. I've done it three times and we've had *no fat babies here* (although I think baby thigh rolls are adorable!). Don't give a second thought to that particular reasoning.

[kmacnchs]

I understand your being frustrated with him not fitting the 2.5-3 hr mold...that is normal for new and not-so-new parents of newborns. Off the top of my head here are some suggestions: I think there is a chapter ("the topic pool"?) that lists growth spurts. I remember being frustrated when my baby was following the schedule and then he/she all of a sudden wanted to eat more, then I would look in the book and low and behold, I realized he/she was 3 weeks old or 6 weeks old or whatever when the book said most babies go through a growth spurt. Now, most people would say, "you need a book to tell you to feed your baby more? how horrible! just feed them when they need to eat more!" yes, well, for the type A, plan-it-out person, reading somewhere (or having someone tell you) that it is normal for your baby to be going through a growth spurt at the time really makes you feel better about 'interrupting the schedule'. So, check that chapter.

 

Another thing it says (and this is all of the top of my head so insert "I think" wherever :)) is that they need to wait AT LEAST 2 hrs from beginning of one feeding until the beginning of the next so your milk supply can "reboot" or whatever it's called. One thing that I tell EVERYONE to do is to SWADDLE. It does wonders with them being able to wait longer b/c they are not waking themselves up by accidentally hitting themselves or brushing their hands across their mouths, making them think they are hungry.

 

As for fat babies - that is a GOOD thing! And on-demand or scheduling does not determine one way or the other. My babies are scheduled and are FAAAAATTT I am telling you!

 

And I don't think on-demand feeding leads to permissive parenting but a touch of scheduling just makes us planners a little more sane :)

 

Lastly, I'll say as I have said in other threads - find the why behind the cry. If he is crying and you feed him, does he take a full feeding? Then he was hungry :) Maybe he just woke himself up by the moro reflex (SWADDLE HIM)

 

The only time I would really let him cry instead of feeding him is during his fussy time (depends on every child but is normally in the late afternoon/early evening)...when that time comes, I do not feed them (b/c I know they are not hungry) but I do hold them, rock them, etc.

 

I'm sorry you are in tears so much...believe me, BTDT!

 

All this being said, it seems as though you have made up your mind that you do not want to schedule him but I thought I would give you some babywise encouragement. It says constantly in the book that hunger ALWAYS trumps the schedule...you are DIRECTING the feeding (not the clock). Good luck! pm me if you have any more Qs :)

[Laura Corin]

 

I KNOW he is not hungry every time he roots around, as it is almost constant, even if he's just finished eating for 45 minutes! He is also gaining weight steadily like he's supposed to.

 

Calvin used to feed for 45 minutes, then an hour later he fed again. This gradually spaced out as he got older. He just was very hungry at first, for whatever reason. He was born slim, was quite plump at nine months, then by the age of two was back to being very slim, as he is today.

 

Best wishes with your hungry little one.

 

Laura

[Guest 4boys]

Do what works for you and your son!!!

 

I personally like the Ezzos and I somewhat followed Prep with my youngest son. However, I did NOT schedule him to the clock. I basically just did the sleep-feed-wake cycle and that was enough to make my life manageable. Whichever method you choose, your son's hunger definitely trumps everything else, if he is scheduled or not.

 

Like I said, do what works and tell everyone to leave you alone! :)

[zaichiki]

Calvin used to feed for 45 minutes, then an hour later he fed again. This gradually spaced out as he got older. He just was very hungry at first, for whatever reason. He was born slim, was quite plump at nine months, then by the age of two was back to being very slim, as he is today.

 

Best wishes with your hungry little one.

 

Laura

 

Our experience was similar to Laura's. My first born wanted to eat a lot and often. He was heavy (pound-wise), but he was also very tall. He was the height of a one year old by the time he was 4 months old... and his weight was similar. He was my only baby with thigh rolls, BUT he wasn't fat at all. Those baby rolls disappeared by the time he was about 9 months... and he's been a string bean ever since.

 

My second two didn't want to nurse as much when they were babies. When they wanted to nurse, I don't think I always *knew* whether they were hungry or not. Sometimes they would go through a sleeping-spree or an eating-spree and their particular growth-spurts didn't always match those books/chapters/charts. I really believe motherhood requires us to go on instinct a lot of the time. Kids can be SO different from one another. It only follows that some kids are going to be different from what the books and charts will tell us... and we're not necessarily going to know when to expect that.

 

Parents who "knew" their child was or wasn't hungry must know something about their children that I didn't. No matter: we managed and they thrived. Despite nursing on demand, all have been within normal weights for their heights all along (probably *because* of nursing on demand?).

 

Despite nursing on demand, mine were all sleeping through the night by 4-7 months. One thing that I *did* do was to stop nursing them to sleep once they were about 5-7 months old. I would nurse them in the evening, but not let them fall asleep that way. Instead, we created a "bed time" ritual that included a bath, a book, etc. As they got older it was easier for them not to need to nurse back to sleep when they woke in the middle of the night.

 

But... experiences and children are different. Some of us need more structure to be content (parents *and* children). So... I embrace YMMV!

 

Enjoy your new little one!

:D