Driving kids to playdates & sleepovers

[Plucky]

As a general rule most of my friends and I agree that one drops off and the other picks up. We'll bend the rules if someone needs to and help each other out a lot with picking up and dropping kids off at various functions. Its really a great understanding we have and helps us get kids all over more easily.

 

Anyway, we're expanding our friend base and this is the second time that someone has expected me to drop off and pick up my dd when invited to a sleepover. The mom is a real sweetie and I know her well but she was surprised I wanted her to drive dd home the next day.

 

Do people really have their kids call & invite friends over and expect the other parent to do all the driving? When I have kids over, and we do this a lot, I will take them home. It doesn't make sense to pick them up if everyone is arriving at different times. I just make the rounds for drop off. Thoughts?

[EKS]

In this area, the visiting child's parent drops off and picks up. Sometimes it happens the other way but not usually.

[Plucky]

In this area, the visiting child's parent drops off and picks up. Sometimes it happens the other way but not usually.

 

Really? I wonder why I haven't experienced that until now.

[ChrisB]

I pick up and drop off unless otherwise arranged with the other parent. I don't automatically expect the other parent to take one of the ways. Actually, I've never heard of it expected the other way unless arranged, but I might be ignorant. :confused1:

[myfunnybunch]

In this area, the visiting child's parent drops off and picks up.

 

Us too, typically.

 

I usually ask when I drop my dd off, "What time can I pick her up tomorrow?" It makes sense that the hosts do the hosting and the other parent take care of transportation for their child. Often after a sleepover, we've got some clean-up to do.

 

Of course, in practice we don't usually worry about it much. It's not a formal set-in-stone practice. If the host is taking the children out and about the next day, the hosting family might drop off the guest afterward. Or they might say when we offer, "We'll drop your dd off after lunch. They probably won't be up until then anyway." (lol) In the long run it usually evens out. :)

 

Cat

[Carol in Cal.]

Lots of times if I host, I offer to drive the guest home, just because it's easier than planning on a specific pick up time. This is also the case if I'm taking a guest on a field trip; usually the guest is dropped off and then I take them home. However, I regard that as a favor and this my choice, not an expectation.

[Julie in CA]

In this area, the visiting child's parent drops off and picks up. Sometimes it happens the other way but not usually.

:iagree: It's nice if someone offers to bring my kid home, but I'd never ever assume someone would. They're doing their part by having my child at their home to begin with.

[Julie in Austin]

Around here, the visitor's parent always drops and picks.

[Avila]

Us too. Visitor drops off and picks up and host just hosts.

[fshinkevich]

In this area, the visiting child's parent drops off and picks up. Sometimes it happens the other way but not usually.

 

That's how it works around here too

[Pink Fairy]

Another "one drives, one hosts" family. Since hosting is a lot more work, I think the non-hosting family can reasonably be expected to do the driving.

[Lolly]

:iagree:Host stays home, visitor drops off and picks up. I figure the host has done the bulk of the work by just being there with the kids while I was one less.

[EKS]

:iagree: It's nice if someone offers to bring my kid home, but I'd never ever assume someone would. They're doing their part by having my child at their home to begin with.

 

:iagree:

[Mom0012]

Well, actually, yes. If I'm going to be supervising kids at my house, I would expect the other parent to drop their child off and pick them up unless we had worked out some arrangement like you have. Likewise, if I take my child to someone's house, I would never expect them to then bring my child home after they had watched them all afternoon.

 

Lisa

[Plucky]

Fascinating. I never knew this. I host so often & take kids home the next day. I like to be in charge of when the crew goes home. I'll have to keep that in mind. Like I said our regular get togethers are very reciprocal.

[phathui5]

I've never driven kids who are visiting unless they didn't have a car.

[Supertechmom]

As a general rule most of my friends and I agree that one drops off and the other picks up.

 

Do people really have their kids call & invite friends over and expect the other parent to do all the driving? When I have kids over, and we do this a lot, I will take them home. It doesn't make sense to pick them up if everyone is arriving at different times. I just make the rounds for drop off. Thoughts?

 

YES.

For sleepovers, I would drop mine off and pick mine up . You hosted, put up with them through the night, feed them, etc. Why would I ask you to load up your kids, mine and any other extras to drop them off at various homes?

 

For one I was hosting, I might consider picking them up if it was convenient for me to do so before the sleep over but normally you would be expected to drop them off at a certain time and pick them up at a certain time. There is a set time for both. And I have no problem calling and asking where are you? I've never had a parent not respect the pick up time.

 

Now on a trip where I picked your kid up and took them with mine, I would drop them back to you. I wouldn't expect you to rearrange your day to come out and get your child after I had taken them somewhere. If I dropped mine off at your house for a play date, I would drop off and pick up because you had been nice enough to host giving me a chance to do things without kiddos for the afternoon.

 

Another thought is the number of kids involved. Maybe the new mom has too many littles or ones that can't be left alone and has to take them along with yours and whomever elses. She may not have the space to do so. i know I wouldn't have the car space to take on more than one extra kid.

[Plucky]

YES.

For sleepovers, I would drop mine off and pick mine up . You hosted, put up with them through the night, feed them, etc. Why would I ask you to load up your kids, mine and any other extras to drop them off at various homes?

 

For one I was hosting, I might consider picking them up if it was convenient for me to do so before the sleep over but normally you would be expected to drop them off at a certain time and pick them up at a certain time. There is a set time for both. And I have no problem calling and asking where are you? I've never had a parent not respect the pick up time.

 

Now on a trip where I picked your kid up and took them with mine, I would drop them back to you. I wouldn't expect you to rearrange your day to come out and get your child after I had taken them somewhere. If I dropped mine off at your house for a play date, I would drop off and pick up because you had been nice enough to host giving me a chance to do things without kiddos for the afternoon.

 

Another thought is the number of kids involved. Maybe the new mom has too many littles or ones that can't be left alone and has to take them along with yours and whomever elses. She may not have the space to do so. i know I wouldn't have the car space to take on more than one extra kid.

 

No, she only has 1 child. I have 3 others. But that's okay, I see that I didn't know how things work outside my arrangement. I don't usually consider having kids over a problem or an extra chore and most of my kids are really easy, too, and get a lot of invites. I learned something today.

[katilac]

Do people really have their kids call & invite friends over and expect the other parent to do all the driving?

 

Do people really accept an invitation to someone's house and expect the host to do half the driving? ;)

 

I think that a circle of friends should work things out in a way that makes sense for them, so if everyone agrees that splitting the driving each time is best, it works out in the long run. But I think your original group is an exception, and few people host a playdate or sleepover with the expectation of driving the visitors home.

 

Especially at the beginning of this type of relationship, I would always assume that an invitation for my kids meant that I would drop them off and pick them up at the host's convenience. If it turns into more of a regular, ongoing event, then let the negotiations begin!

[Plucky]

Do people really accept an invitation to someone's house and expect the host to do half the driving? ;)

 

I think that a circle of friends should work things out in a way that makes sense for them, so if everyone agrees that splitting the driving each time is best, it works out in the long run. But I think your original group is an exception, and few people host a playdate or sleepover with the expectation of driving the visitors home.

 

Especially at the beginning of this type of relationship, I would always assume that an invitation for my kids meant that I would drop them off and pick them up at the host's convenience. If it turns into more of a regular, ongoing event, then let the negotiations begin!

 

 

Now she probably thinks I'm rude. I thought y'all were doing things our way. Oh, well.

[tex-mex]

The host is not expected to shuttle the visitor(s) back home, in my experience. We usually drop off and pick up our child despite the inconvienience.

[tex-mex]

Another "one drives, one hosts" family. Since hosting is a lot more work, I think the non-hosting family can reasonably be expected to do the driving.

 

Yes, hosting can take a lot of work. So the driving from the other parent seems to equal out the playdate or sleepover.

[Mommyof4ks]

Yep, we drop off and pick up most of the time too. There have been times when a mom is on her way somewhere and drops my dd off after a night at her house, but not normally.

[Desert Rat]

Yup, here too. We drop off and ask when we should return to pick up. I don't expect the host to bring home my son. I guess it's just how it's done in my neck of the woods.

[joannqn]

We drop off and pick up our own kids for all get togethers, regardless of the type. Most of the time, I stay the entire time so it's a mom date too. This doesn't apply for sleepovers, but we've only done two of those.

[katilac]

Now she probably thinks I'm rude. I thought y'all were doing things our way. Oh, well.

 

I'm sure it's not a big deal, but you might bring it up to clear the air next time you see her. "You know, after I asked you to bring Julie home last week, I realized that might have come off as rude. We've just so used to that routine that I forgot other people might do it a different way - - how do you usually handle it?"

 

fwiw, I wouldn't necessarily think someone was rude for suggesting that, but it might put a damper on future invitations (simply b/c I wouldn't want to do it, and I'd be reluctant to be the one to bring it up). That's why I suggest you bringing it up, if you're willing to negotiate.

[Mom0012]

Now she probably thinks I'm rude. I thought y'all were doing things our way. Oh, well.

 

Well, you didn't know. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

Lisa

[Supertechmom]

And there is difference between a group of friends who do sleepovers and get togethers a lot and those who don't get together that much. In my group of friends, we do sleepovers as special occasions. We may have 10-12 boys at one time sleeping over and they require constant supply of food :D and close supervision because you never know what a group of boys may decide to do. And they are well behaved but still... 10 boys can get rowdy. It's not unusual at midnight to serve up snacks, brownies, taco buffets etc while they are playing games, watching movies, video games and such. It's a big deal and a lot of work for the host. BUt they enjoy it and it's fun. We have a few close friends that may come over and spend the night one on one and it's not work at all like the big sleepovers.

 

I doubt she thought you were rude. She was probably as amazed that you asked as you were amazed that she wasn't bringing her home. And is asking her "people" whether she should have drove everyone home and was rude to not have offered. ;)

[MistyJ]

We don't do a lot of sleepovers, but with my friends, one parent drops the child, and the other parent returns the child. I live in a small neighborhood, socialize in a small neighborhood, probably 2 -3 miles end to end, so it's not a big deal.

 

I did recently meet a mom who wanted our daughters to have playdates, but she lives about 8 miles away. I said that would be great, and her daughter was welcome at my house, but I would never be driving to her area. I said it in the interest of keeping my life simple and guarding my time. It may have come off a bit rude, but at 40, I'm getting pretty serious about how I spend my time.

[JFSinIL]

Usually here the visiting kid would be dropped off and picked up by their own parent unless the parent of the kid being visited made an off to do either.

[Erica in PA]

If someone is hosting my child, I expect to drop them off and pick them up myself-- I consider it sort of my contribution to the get-together, since that mom is providing everything else while my dc is there. I rarely ask someone else to bring my child home for me, unless there's a pressing reason why I can't pick them up, though I'll happily take someone else up on it if they offer.

[Pixie]

If is a sleepover for a birthday party then I expect the parents to drop-off and pick-up simply because I don't have enough space in my car to drive everybody home. If it is a one-on-one sleepover then it depends on what works best that day for everyone involved. That kind of sleepover is not really that much work, so I don't picking up or dropping of. One of my daughter' best friend is the oldest of 4, so it is a lot easier for me to just drive her home than it is for her mom to load everyone in the car. Also we live in a small town, most of my daughter's friends live within a mile at most of our house so it's not like I am driving far.

[Nestof3]

Yes, I always expect when my children are invited somewhere that I will do the driving, and I expect the same when I invite others to my house.

 

Admittedly, I'm almost always invited -- they are usually family functions, and we don't really do sleepovers. I'm also kind of nervous about my kids riding in other people's vehicles.

[Erica in PA]

Also we live in a small town, most of my daughter's friends live within a mile at most of our house so it's not like I am driving far.

 

Hmm, that might be a factor in our case... most of my kids' friends live 15-30 minutes away. And sleepovers and having kids over in general is sort of a big deal to me. LOL We live in an apartment and I am an introvert who really values my space... so there's another factor. :001_smile: