Trying to school when the phone rings off the hook

[coffeefreak]

It's a new school year and I STILL have NO IDEA how to handle the phone calls that come in ALL. DAY. LONG! I turn the phone off, but then the blinking light distracts me. Or the girls hear it ringing in my bedroom (I usually don't - I guess I'm getting old). OR the caller immediately calls my cell phone which is left on for my husband to call me. OR they know I'm schooling, so they text me and I lose my train of thought.

 

I know this is really my problem, right? I mean I can't control other people. And, honestly, how many of us have had to call and leave someone a message because that is the time we have to do so, but I can't figure out what to do about the phones! Turn them all off and then my husband can't get a hold of me? Leave my cell on and threaten everyone else with death if they call it? Take a :chillpill:?!?

 

What do you do?

Dorinda

[rafiki]

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[Blessedfamily]

I have to turn my ringer off. If it's urgent, I'll hear a message being recorded. If the person doesn't leave a message, I assume it's not urgent. I realize that's not always true, but that's what I have to do to get school done around here.

[Nicole M]

I stopped picking up the phone, pretty much ever, and after a while, people just stopped calling.

 

Michele's idea is a good one, check during breaks to see if your hubby has called.

 

But I know that feeling, where you need to focus, and feel assaulted, constantly, like you can't create a "space" for your thoughts and work. It is frustrating, truly.

[gingersmom]

Everyone knows I am not going to answer the phone when we are doing school. They know to call my cell phone only in case of an emergency.

 

My kids are used to me ignoring the ringing phone and have learned to do so also.

[coffeefreak]

I stopped picking up the phone, pretty much ever, and after a while, people just stopped calling.

 

Michele's idea is a good one, check during breaks to see if your hubby has called.

 

But I know that feeling, where you need to focus, and feel assaulted, constantly, like you can't create a "space" for your thoughts and work. It is frustrating, truly.

 

 

Assaulted is a GREAT word for it Nicole :D. I've never thought of myself as easily distracted, but that's how it is, isn't it?

[Plucky]

My kids get frustrated that I don't answer the phone often. If I'm busy I don't answer it and I'm usually busy. Leave a message and I'll call back when I am available. Just because the phone rings doesn't mean I'm obligated to answer it. Only my immediate family has my cell phone number. They are the only ones that need to contact me at any time. I won't be one of those people with my cell ringing off the hook constantly.

[Pongo]

Duct tape over the blinking light.

Unplug your bedroom phone.

Pick a regular time you call husband every day, that way he OLNY needs to call for an emergency.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

 

I was so sick of this happening, and no matter what I told everyone they seemed to think that homeschooling means I am sitting by the phone waiting to talk because I have so much time on my hands. I started to e-mail a copy of my daily schedule to friends and family that would normally call me. They now start asking for the schedule at about mid August.....lol

I send it via e-mail or a copy by snail mail with a loving note that usually says something like:

 

As you know we are going into our ___ year of homeschooling, can you believe it! This is a very important decision, and (husbands name here) I take it very seriously. I wanted to make sure you know when I could be contacted because I will not be answering the phone during class times. I need to respect my children's needs for me to be available during class time. If you have an emergency please call my cell and leave a message. I will check it regularly. Thank you so much for understanding.

Love,

[MariannNOVA]

I stopped answering the phone about a year ago, got rid of voice mail and answering machine, began unplugging the phone jack, and slowly, the calls stopped -- I LOVE IT! :001_wub: I have caller ID so I can go back and look over calls that have come in that I have ignored to see if anything 'looks' as if it requires my attention. In most cases, it does not.

 

DH and I email back and forth throughout the day - he has a BB -- that works for us b/c he is in meetings most of the time and is unable to speak on his phone.

 

It was not particularly easy at first, but I became used to it (I no longer even have a cell phone, and I love that too) -- DH took a little while longer to get used to it, but he is attached to some sort of electronic leash or another all day long so it is more difficult for him to break the habit.

 

One friend, imparticular, has stopped calling altogether since she cannot leave a message at her convenience -- I would have to say that 'friendship' has nothing to do with convenience.

 

I am pleased that I did this - I do feel as if I am less bombarded by people trying to get my attention.

[NancyNellen]

My sister-in-law created a message that simply said: "Thank you for calling. We homeschool between the hours of 9-3. Please call back when we are finished. Thank you."

 

Personally, we don't have a home phone, but if we did I would most certainly turn off the ringer, cover the flashing light, etc. People will eventually stop calling if they never get you.

[Tami]

It helps me to think of homeschooling as my chosen profession and full-time job. Nobody would expect a classroom teacher to take their personal phone calls during classroom time, and so I don't expect to take calls either.

 

All who know me know not to call me until after 1pm. I also tell them that they will get their quickest response by e-mailing me. If the phone is distracting, I take it off the hook.

 

As far as hubby, I connect with him at noon, when we are both on a lunch break. That way, we can communicate and stay on the same page.

 

Don't ever feel obligated to take calls. Ever. Especially during dedicated learning hours.

[Nicole M]

I send it via e-mail or a copy by snail mail with a loving note that usually says something like:

 

As you know we are going into our ___ year of homeschooling, can you believe it! This is a very important decision, and (husbands name here) I take it very seriously. I wanted to make sure you know when I could be contacted because I will not be answering the phone during class times. I need to respect my children's needs for me to be available during class time. If you have an emergency please call my cell and leave a message. I will check it regularly. Thank you so much for understanding.

Love,

 

This is just genius.

[kpupg]

This is about boundaries.

 

Despite what others may want you to believe, you are NOT obliged to answer the phone or answer the door at any time.

 

You can put a piece of opaque tape or paper over the blinking light on the message machine, if that helps. You can post a sign on the front door to ask people to come back later, if that helps. You can set up a ring signal with your husband to let you know it's he who is calling and you should answer because he only calls when it's important and urgent.

 

BUt what it boils down to is boundaries. YOU are in charge of the telephone, according to YOUR standards. Choose to respond instantly, choose to respond later, choose not to respond at all -- all are equally legal and moral options.

 

Same for answering the door -- even when the person knows you are at home. Even if you're standing at the window looking right at them -- you are NOT obligated to open that door.

 

Does all this sound nutty? Only because our culture wants us to deny ourselves the right to make these choices. Only because friends and family assume we always want to talk with them right away, no matter what else might be going on. Those are false demands. Resist them. Choose your own standards of phone/doorbell response. Then do what you need to do to meet those standards.

 

Supportive thoughts going out to you,

Karen

[Ruthie]

I turn off the house phone ringer and volume is off so if they leave a message. I don't hear it.

 

Almost all cell phones I know of have a feature where you can give different ring tones to different people.

 

My dh gets one special one I assigned to his cell and work. When he calls and the phone rings, I know it is him. I also assign a special one to my parents and sister. They know not to bug me, so if they call, it is important. Everyone else, I ignore

 

HTH,

Ruthie

[phathui5]

I'd turn both phones off during school unless you think that hubby is going to need you. You could check the cell between lessons if you're worried about him.

[hornblower]

In your case, as you're just weaning yourself off, I'd do two things:

-turn off the ringer on your home phone, turn the machine volume off, and cover up the flashing light or just put the whole thing in a box or drawer

-get a new cell ph # and carefully consider who you'll give the # to

 

I hardly ever answer my home phone. It's set to go to voicemail quickly & I usually have the ringer off altogether. I have an old answering machine so I see the blinking light but I have to make a point in the evening to check it. If that were distracting me, I'd put the machine in the box. I do call screen when I'm half expecting calls.

 

My cell was my emergencies only phone for years. I gave that # to only a handful of people and they knew to use it only in an emerg so it rarely rang & when it did, I'd pick up. Unfortunately dh once accidentally called a relative from the cell & as she had call display she instantly noticed that it was not our regular # and added it to her phone book:glare: Grrrr. She's given it to everyone else & she's the type of person that will leave me a voicemail on the home line & instantly call the cell too - for something unimportant like a dinner she's planning 4 weeks hence. Luckily the cell has call display so I can see if it's someone I need to talk to. I can push a button to send calls to voicemail & I do unless it's one of the few people who I know are calling on that # for a good reason.

 

Nobody in our house reacts to phones. Every once in a while I'll actually want someone to grab the phone & my kids will be kind of helplessly flapping around - yeah, right, where is it?

 

You need to realize a couple things:

-you are busy. You are doing something important. Your time is valuable and you deserve to not be interrupted.

-your children deserve your undivided attention

-people can leave a msg. Some will be offended. Too bad. Value your time and priorities.

 

(p.s. I unplug my computer during school for this reason too - I can manage phones but emails suck me in..... So I just turn it off & put it far away. )

[MariannNOVA]

Every once in a while I'll actually want someone to grab the phone & my kids will be kind of helplessly flapping around - yeah, right, where is it?

 

That is SO funny -- that is what happens here. I leave the phone unplugged for days, and DH will email and say that he has to speak to me, I will plug it in and no one will answer it.

 

Same with the front door -- If I wanted to speak to the person knocking on the door, I would have gone looking for them.

[Tap]

I have both a traditional answering machine and voicemail through my phone company (Vonage). During the day I turn off my phone which routes all calls to the voicemail which I can check online without hearing the phone ring or picking up the phone. We have the voicemail message say a different message than our house phone. In your circumstance you could have it say something like "We are all in school and not available for phone calls between 7-3pm, if it is a true emergency please call my cell, otherwise leave a message here and I will return your call at a convenient time, most likely in the evening"

 

I used sharpie both or a spot of black electrical tape on other blinking lights so there are ways to cover the light if it bothers you that much, otherwise just throw a hand towel over it.

 

I turn my cell to vibrate, keep it with me in a jacket pocket, around the house and ignore any calls that come in through it unless it is dh. He knows to call repeatedly on my cell if I don't answer the first vibrate. I have sensitive hearing and can hear my phone vibrate no matter what room it is in. Dh and I text each other a lot too, just so we don't have to interrupt one another. If you don't like vibrate, you can change your ring tone for just dh and ignore all other ring tones.

[Mom22ns]

Every once in a while I'll actually want someone to grab the phone & my kids will be kind of helplessly flapping around - yeah, right, where is it?

 

That is SO funny -- that is what happens here. I leave the phone unplugged for days, and DH will email and say that he has to speak to me, I will plug it in and no one will answer it.

 

Same with the front door -- If I wanted to speak to the person knocking on the door, I would have gone looking for them.

 

This sounds exactly like our house!! My 10 yo is the only one who ever knows where the phone is and that is only because I am so incredibly cruel that I don't let her have a cell phone :D

 

My voicemail notifies me by email. I check who the call was from on the computer each time I am at my computer (frequently) during the day. My dh uses instant messenger or email to get hold of me. When people leave messages for me during the day they always start with, "I'm sorry to call during the day, I know you are probably doing school". They might want to leave a message while they are thinking about something, but they don't expect me to pick up. It is a matter of setting boundaries and training your friends and family through your consistency.

 

I like the phone message that starts with "we homeschool between the hours of ... " please call back at another time though. That is a great idea! I may change my phone message next week when we start school.

[HollyDay]

Over the weekend, I called all my dfs I hear from often, and explained I was starting school this week. I kindly asked if anyone wanted to chat, to call "after hours" or email me. They all understood - many are homeschoolers themselves. I told them if they have an emergency, to use my cell phone or call dh cell phone. They know I mean a true emergency - not "how much sugar in your pound cake recipe?" emergency.

 

Folks I hear from more than occasionally, but not daily, I emailed and said the same thing. The phone has not rung at all this week except for dh and we gladly talk to him anytime. My cell phone rang once yesterday because a gf wanted to discuss carpooling and had her days mixed up. No biggie.

 

Phones were a major issue last year. I did unplug the phone last year. I had to. Some folks got upset with me for not taking their calls right away. Can you say "self centered?" 99% of the calls were not urgent. Most were chatty calls or recipe type calls.

 

Explain to family and friends. If they don't get it, try again. IF they still don't get it, let them know you must unplug your phone. THis limits the ability for folks in true emergencies to reach you and that is not good and it is their fault. They wouldnt be calling all the time if you worked at a bank, or office, or taught at a school now would they??

[Supertechmom]

Wen we had a landline, our message was " HI I'm busy! I return calls during the hours 12:00-1:00 and after 8:00pm. Leave a message and I'll call later."

 

Every person has a different cell phone ringer (one for hubby, one for sister, one for my best friend , a generic one for unknowns, a different generic for anyone else) The kids know who the phone is by the ringer. We leave the cell on the charger and only pick up during school hours for hubby and dear friend - who also home schools so she has a good idea when to call and not call. (Sister still tends to call for non emergency reasons)

 

We've since ditched the landline and I have slowly trained everyone to email me if they want an response. New people in my life don't even get a phone number any more - just email. I now pretty much only have hubby, sister and friend that calls on the phone. Everyone else knows to email me and if I want to talk, I'll call them back after 8:00. Otherwise, they get emails.

 

When I worked, no body distrubed my work space. My work is different now but it's still work and should still be respected.

[SilverMoon]

I don't even look to see who it is when the phone rings when we have school stuff going. *shrug* My kids are accustomed to this and don't even miss a beat when they hear it ring while they're in a lesson. Though they will perk up towards the answering machine to see if they can hear it without looking too conspicuous. :lol: People that know us well know this about us and just call later.

 

On the off chance I'm expecting an important call and need to check, we'll answer something like "Lastname Homeschool. This is Me speaking." to help them get the clue.

 

If my phone were ringing like mad, I'd let the people that call most often know when we school and thus aren't available on the phone. Then learn to ignore the bloody thing. :)

[MamaT]

Everyone knows I am not going to answer the phone when we are doing school. They know to call my cell phone only in case of an emergency.

 

My kids are used to me ignoring the ringing phone and have learned to do so also.

 

That's how it goes at our house as well.

[PollyOR]

I've trained my kids to NOT answer the phone. I let the answering machine pick up. ( It drives my DH crazy! ) :D

[Ottakee]

These are some great ideas.

 

I, on the other hand, DO answer the phone during school hours. I do screen calls and let many go to voice mail/answering machine but I have 3 children with special needs so I often get calls from specialists, doctors, etc. that I NEED to take---after all, I can't just call a specialist from the children's hospital back at 7pm.

 

My girls though are a bit older and can do some work while I talk in the bedroom, etc.

 

I do get annoyed though with sales calls, etc.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

This is a huge distraction for us too. Especially since the times when our families can call us from the US tend to be prime morning times. Maybe I'll have to start scheduling a call time for them that is a bit earlier (say around breakfast) and then ignore the phone.

 

And I love the idea of setting special rings on the cell phone.

[Cedarmom]

Can you have a ring tone that is just for your dh? That way you know when it's him and then you can just ignore all other calls.

[Garga]

I hate the phone. My husband thinks I have a psychological problem about telephones.

 

For two years of my 10 year stint at a health insurance company, I had to be a customer service rep. It was horrible. If you watched the movie Julie and Julia: the part where Julie is handling those awful phone calls at work is how my days were every day. I would sweat and shake through many of the phone calls. (People just furious about their health insurance and cursing at me--little old ladies not able to afford their medicine, etc.)

 

I hate being interrupted by a ringing phone. I get angry and anxious every time the phone rings. (Maybe I do have a psychological problem...:tongue_smilie:)

 

During homeschool, I turn off all the ringers and the machine is in a different room. Like someone else said, Homeschooling is my job and I don't take personal calls when I'm at work.

[Pajama Mama]

I have ignored the phone for enough years that most people know not to call. I have the ringer off and let the machine pick up. I also recently put call intercept on our phone. It will not put through any "unavailable" calls. Those were calls that I received all. the. time.

 

I keep my cell on because my middle child with several medical issues goes to a special needs school. Dh and others have the number too but they know to "leave a message after the beep" I will call them later in the day-usually...

[Dirtroad]

I try to ignore it. I dont' answer it unless it is a doctors office or group that I have had to contact for good reason.

 

I hate that my friends dont' get it... they think I can just chat & chat about their divorce, abuse, or job woes. Honestly, I am ready to scream.... I DO NOT CARE! REally.... do they care about me? Heck no or they would SHUT UP or call me at other times. I try to explain all this.

 

They even leave whining messages about how I must not like them anymore or how I never call them.... let me see, I homeschool & husband isn't home during the week & I am 30 weeks pregnant & go to bed earlier than normal. CALL A THERAPIST... please let me take care of my family!

 

Don't even start talking about the telemarket folks... they seem to multiply... as I get rid of one.. another 10 get my number. I even get calls on my Trac phone. I don't use a regular cell... but have this prepay phone for emergencies & long driving trips. How do they call me on it? Who is texting me on it? It is weird. I don't even keep it on or call with it except when out & about and Dh might need me... or on those long trips.

 

I really hate a phone.

Edited August 13, 2009 by Dirtroad

[Frontier Mom]

This is exactly why I have two answering systems. One is my answering machine where we can hear the message. The other one I pay a monthly amount from AT&T which is called Message Line. Why? The one called message line will automatically go to the answering service when the line is busy so when we are schooling I leave the phone off the hook. I leave a message on that message system that says, "We are currently unable to answer the phone until 3 o'clock so please leave a message and we will call you back then."

 

I check the messages every few hours in case my dh needs me but don't return anything else until after 3. I would ignore texts, etc. and just tell people you didn't answer them because you were doing schooling and didn't want to interrupt the dc's. They should get the message.

[coffeefreak]

It's official! The phone is off (has been all afternoon). I'm going to leave my cell on tomorrow and see how it goes. DH and I are agreeing to not call each other except at lunch and when he gets off work to come home. We've just gotten used to being at each others beck and call. :blush:But we tend to get annoyed with each other over phone calls too. So, tomorrow, I'm going to leave the cell on and if anyone but him calls, I'm going to say that the house phone is off because it was ringing off the hook, and I would appreciate no calls to my cell as we are in the middle of schoolwork. I will return calls after we are done.

 

Hmmmmm, I think I'm going to leave that message on the house phone. :D

 

Thanks for your help, and encouragement!

Blessings!

Dorinda

[elise1mds]

Ignoring the home phone is no big deal here since it doesn't ring often. Plus, we also have a 'no phone during meals' rule that means my son is also used to ignoring the phone. As for my cell, I recorded a voicemail that says that I'm teaching, working, chasing kids, or taking a five-minute breather and if they actually have something important to say, they'd better leave me a voicemail! Then I can turn off the sound and just check in every hour or two to make sure nothing critical is going on.

[Moni]

What do you do?

 

 

I don't answer the phone.

I don't answer the door.

 

You can check msg at a more convenient time. Bathroom time ;) setting up for meals, cleaning up after meals, snacks, while rotating laundry.

 

Plenty of time to check the msgs when it wouldn't disturb the homeshcoolign

 

:seeya:

[coffeefreak]

The week went MUCH smoother with the phone off. The people who call me during school continued to call (and say, "I know you're doing school, but), but we didn't know until late afternoon! I decided not to hem myself in with a machine that says when I'll get back to them. It has made life easier not feeling like I HAVE to return calls by a certain time.

 

We've also taken our new-found boundaries one step further. We told dh's parents they couldn't come and visit in November unless it was going to be over Thanksgiving week, and we told my parents when my "fall break" is. If that doesn't work for everyone, tough tookies! My MIL is a former school teacher so she really couldn't complain when dh told her, "School takes priority and visits outside of holidays are disruptive to our schedule."

 

YEAH FREEDOM!!!!

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[EKS]

Turn off the ringer. On all of the phones.