How old is too old for another baby?

[KellyinAr]

My husband shocked me the other day with his announcement that he would like to have one more. I thought tearfully that the baby days were over especially since I am 42. I would love to have one more as well but am very concerned with the risks associated with my age. What do you guys think?

[LibraryLover]

There are so many babes being born to women of your age. Some folks might need an assist, but you could cross that bridge if you got to it.

Edited July 28, 2009 by LibraryLover

[OHGrandma]

My husband shocked me the other day with his announcement that he would like to have one more. I thought tearfully that the baby days were over especially since I am 42. I would love to have one more as well but am very concerned with the risks associated with my age. What do you guys think?

 

Your doctor would be the best to talk over health concerns with your age. But I will say, I was #6, born when mom had just turned 40. She had 2 more after me, one at 41y5m, the last just short of her 45th birthday. All of us were healthy, mom was healthy.

[amy g.]

I'm 43, and am 21 weeks pregnant. If you want to have another one, I'd start working on it soon!

[Danestress]

I am 42 and I feel perfectly young enough to have another baby.

 

What I don't feel ready for is to have an 18 year old when I am 60. But you can cross that bridge when you get to it if you want to.

[mama2cntrykids]

May I ask how old your dh is? I only ask because mine is almost 43 and feels he's "too old" for another one. I'm only 31 so you see my problem LOL.

[katilac]

Depends so much on the person. I'm 42, and I think it would kill me :lol:

 

I would talk to the doc about both risks and my level of fertility - - it would be rough to make the decision, and then have unexpected trouble concieving, kwim? I personally would prefer to know, so far as possible, what my chances were.

[KellyinAr]

My husband is a little younger than I am, he's 41.

[Prudent]

If you are in good health, I don't think 42 is too old to physically have a baby.

 

The bigger question (to me) is will you have the stamina and motivation to be parenting and homeschooling a kid through your 50s?

[MOM24WONDERS]

As long as God is blessing you with them, you aren't too old. My aunt had a wonderful, precious, perfectly healthy son at age 44.5

 

I think we worry too much. God knows best! If He blesses you with one, you are perfectly fit for it!

 

I pray I'm still having babies at 42!!!

[Orthodox6]

My daughter was born 2-1/2 months before I turned 44. My next daughter miscarried when I was just turned 45.

 

I will share the current experience of my close friend, who is 43. (The heartbreaker is that she just miscarried.) She was hit with the unforgivably disgraceful reality of encountering OBs who refused to accept her as a patient -- because of her age, which makes her "high risk". She really had to scramble to find a physician who would accept her -- and this is in a large metro area ! (Dallas)

 

If you are one who believes in God and His care, then asking Him to send another baby is an act of pure trust -- and a trust which may well be rewarded with a beautiful child !

 

FWIW, I always have refused to undergo any genetic tests. Some of them can cause injury to the child, others do not. For my family, a child is a child, and no results would change our love for him or her. At the same time, many pro-life parents obtain genetic test results anyway, so that they can be planning ahead for post-birth care. Nothing wrong with that, in my view.

[Orthodox6]

My dh was born when FIL was 64 years old.

 

May I ask how old your dh is? I only ask because mine is almost 43 and feels he's "too old" for another one. I'm only 31 so you see my problem LOL.

[Garga]

Well, there are risks. I'm not saying you don't want to take the risks--but they are there. Talk to your doctor to decide for yourself whether or not you want to take those risks.

 

A friend of mine had a baby at 40 and said that while she knew she was considered "high risk" she had no idea what that meant. When her son was born with down syndrome--that's when she figured out what high risk meant. There are also higher risks of serious blood pressure problems and placenta previa problems for the mom and things like that.

 

Not discouraging you from having another baby. Just encouraging you to be informed.

[amy g.]

I had 3 children by the time I turned 30 and did not have any complications.

 

I started trying to conceive Miss Bossy when I was 39. In the 4 years since then I had 2 miscarriages, had her, had another miscarriage and then conceived this new baby.

 

So in my case, I think that the quality of my eggs are clearly declining with my age, but I still have a few good eggs left.

 

The joy of seeing how much my older kids adore Miss Bossy has been worth the heart ache of the losses, but it sure isn't as easy as it was when I was younger.

[KingM]

My husband shocked me the other day with his announcement that he would like to have one more. I thought tearfully that the baby days were over especially since I am 42. I would love to have one more as well but am very concerned with the risks associated with my age. What do you guys think?

 

Three thoughts. First, you could talk to your doctor, see what he says. Second, 42 means different things for different bodies. Finally, it's ultimately your decision. You know what you can and can't handle better than anyone else, including your husband.

[Chris in VA]

I think it is a very, very private decision--but in my own mind, I think of later, when my baby would be grown--and if I've past a certain age, I won't be there to be a grandma to his/her kids, or to help him/her in their 40's and 50's. For me, that's really sad.

[Denisemomof4]

shelaughed.com is a website for women who have babies after the age of 40. Be prepared to be treated as an ancient being - that's how I was treated when pregnant at age 36.

[lynn]

I dont' think it's to old. I personally could not do it. I have children in highschool, 1 in elementary and 1 preschooler. Like my 2 youngest children if I had another child now I would have another lonely child with having 5+ years between. Now if we planned it out and we had 3 years in between that would be better. Also, I am finding that having children 5 years apart I am bored with things like library story time, gymboree, kindermusik, I have make myself go to the park now etc. Most of my friends have children my oldest childrens age and they have gone back to school, work etc so I'd have no one for playdates. I have tried to get together with some of the moms who have children my dd age and well, I really have nothing in common with them except that our children attend the same tumbling class. kwim.

 

Now the funnything is we had a baby on our 5, 10, 15year anniversary's and next year is our 20th wedding anniversary and I told dh let's plan something big that does not involve having a baby next year....lol

[Pamela H in Texas]

Oh, I wouldn't think 42 is too old. And you did it just a few years ago anyway so you kinda know what you're getting into.

 

Aside: I have two friends who had one set of babies in their 20s and another in 30s. They said there was a significant difference. But you already know how different is for you personally.

 

I would love a pregnancy/new baby. Most people think I'm just plain nuts when I say that though. Starting over isn't something most people consider on purpose, I guess.

[KellyinAr]

Thanks for all the great posts. You ladies have given me a lot of food for thought. I had a wonderful OB back in Ar. that, at 38, only ordered a more indepth ultrasound due to my age. I did ask her then how old is "too old" for a new baby and she told me 42. I trust her judgment from a medical standpoint but I know it is ultimately up to our Lord.

[Storm Bay]

Three thoughts. First, you could talk to your doctor, see what he says. Second, 42 means different things for different bodies. Finally, it's ultimately your decision. You know what you can and can't handle better than anyone else, including your husband.

 

:iagree: I particularly think that the second point is very important. People age differently, and 42 is very much middle aged (I'm past that age, so feel qualified to say that :)). My sister, who is a physician, told me once that she and I are very young for our age, and she meant physically.

 

I would also consider the long term part of it, because when most people hit 50, their energy level is lower than it was at 40, and moreso at 60. How do people in your family tend to age? Do you really want to deal with a teen when you're in your late fifties? It can be done, of course, and I have friends who have done it very happily and healthily, but it's not the same as deciding to have a baby at 22 or 32.

[Sophia]

I had a baby at 42 and he's a joy.

I'm 45 and would welcome a pregnancy in a heartbeat.

[katilac]

I will share the current experience of my close friend, who is 43. (The heartbreaker is that she just miscarried.) She was hit with the unforgivably disgraceful reality of encountering OBs who refused to accept her as a patient -- because of her age, which makes her "high risk". She really had to scramble to find a physician who would accept her -- and this is in a large metro area ! (Dallas) /QUOTE]

 

This doesn't surprise me; it's due to the fear of malpractice suits, which are very costly even if the doctor 'wins.' I'm sure that many patients say that they understand and accept the risks, but feel very differently when those risks become a reality.

 

In some areas, it's very difficult to obtain ob/gyn care at all, even if you are not high risk. I feel for both the doctors who are sued unfairly, and the patients who cannot obtain care. I'm not sure what the answer is.

[KellyinAr]

We just moved to the Dallas Metroplex and I haven't found an OB/GYN yet. We live in the Frisco area.

[Shawneinfl]

Well I have had healthy babies at 39, 41 and a week before my 44th birthday. I also had three miscarraiges during that time. I had all kinds of risk factors but never did any testing except for having sonograms. It is possible. Of course, now at age 47 I'm feeling my age and I think it would be really hard on me physically.

[freeindeed]

Well, my aunt had a healthy baby at the age of 48.:) So I think 42 is fine. Your doctor could closely monitor you for any problems. If it's what you and your dh want, I say go for it!:D

[HiddenJewel]

It really depends on your body. I am 40 and have had 4 dc and I feel it would not be wise for me physically to have any more.

[Alphabetika]

I'm pregnant right now at 41. I have two friends who were pregnant at 43 and had no problems. Blessings on your decision!

[laughing lioness]

Had my last at 40 and will be 47 next month, darn that. Sure wish that we could have had another one or two! NO regrets about having our baby. She brings pure JOY to our lives!

[phathui5]

It would be too old for ME.

[newbie]

As long as God is blessing you with them, you aren't too old. My aunt had a wonderful, precious, perfectly healthy son at age 44.5

 

I think we worry too much. God knows best! If He blesses you with one, you are perfectly fit for it!

 

I pray I'm still having babies at 42!!!

 

:iagree::iagree:If you are both on same pp. go for it. I want one, but dh does not, that is tough. We are both 42.

[Orthodox6]

That is exactly what friend and I concluded. She was slapped with the same absurdity when she was only 39, expecting a baby.

 

A built-in problem is that if the expectant parents were to sign a legal document stating that they would not, under any circumstances, institute legal action against the doctors and/or nurses -- they would be opening the door for the doctors and/or nurses legally to be careless and negligent on purpose, knowing that they could get away with it.

 

 

This doesn't surprise me; it's due to the fear of malpractice suits, which are very costly even if the doctor 'wins.' I'm sure that many patients say that they understand and accept the risks, but feel very differently when those risks become a reality.

 

In some areas, it's very difficult to obtain ob/gyn care at all, even if you are not high risk. I feel for both the doctors who are sued unfairly, and the patients who cannot obtain care. I'm not sure what the answer is.

[BettyL]

My daughter was born when I was 38 and it was my healthiest pregnancy. :)

I would LOVE to have another one!

 

My mother had her last child when she was 48.....what a blessing my little sister was to the rest of our family.:D

[PCA]

I dont think 42 is too old at all! I know many woman that have had children into their 40's. I am 35 and I have hopes of having children into my 40's!

 

Give it to the Lord, let Him decide :)

[Julieann]

I agree with everyone else, 42 is not too old! I am 43 and would LOVE another baby.

 

Best wishes, whatever you decide :)

[Orthodox6]

I bore my children when I was 31, 34, 39, and late 43. In medical terms, I was "an old woman" every single time !

[SnowWhite]

My 38.5yo pregnancy has been my easiest and healthiest pregnancy and easiest birth and baby moon.

 

With that said, I would make sure your dh *knows* how much risks of birth defects increase (they're still low, but like 10 times more likely) and check about the price of high risk care if your ob-gyn plans to refer you to a specialist.

 

My dh and I decided not to do anything permanent in the bc dept, which means we would not be crushed if the Lord circumvents our less than perfect method, so if I became preggers again it would be understood that it was His perfect will.