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annandatje

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Everything posted by annandatje

  1. I have a transgender (ftm) son in his early 30s. Fortunately as child, I briefly knew a girl who would have been diagnosed today as transgender. Thus, early on by preschooler age, I recognized some subtle and more blatant clues in my son. When I would attempt to explain to other mothers, they would blow it off as "being a tomboy" which it clearly was NOT. I stopped discussing the matter with people. Reading posts on this board about trans people is what drove me away for a number of years. I am encouraged by the acceptance and compassion that many extend to people these days who identify as LTBTQIA. My son has lived as male since age 15 although he did not begin hormone treatment until 18 and got mastectomy for college graduation gift. My just-married 30 year old daughter just announced that she is non-binary. Gee thanks, another newfangled term to learn 🙂 ; whatever became of gender-fluid? Again, there were signs throughout life that her gender flowed on a spectrum so no surprise there. Happily, she is married to a wonderful, compassionate, supportive, highly intelligent young lady. Since two of my children are trans and NB, naturally I know quite a few of their LTBTQIA friends, many of whom are like extended family members.
  2. While I do live in South, I have never eaten grits except for a few years ago when I took a bite thinking they were mashed potatoes. I do, however, like pineapple on pizza.
  3. Prickly friends tend to remain prickly throughout their lives. Perhaps you can discuss only neutral topics such was weather, pets, hobbies, etc. Personally I have distanced myself from such people because I eventually grew weary of having to tiptoe and apologize for truly innocent comments that they misinterpreted even after explanation. Additionally I felt I was being manipulated in effort to make me grovel after genuine apology. Fortunately there have only been few people in my life with these qualities.
  4. I am curious if the state of SC is preparing the argument "he/she chose it" to ward off any litigation about execution method being unjust. Seems to be an unnecessary law because states typically already allow for a variety of ways to kill prisoners. Part of me thinks it is a rub-in-your-face cruel law that certain states are notorious for. All that aside, if I could not manage to commit suicide in my cell, I would most definitely select firing squad over any other method, including lethal injection.
  5. Now that children are adults, I have reverted back to driving manual shift small cars. However, I did buy automatic Mini Cooper because that was what was available at the time.
  6. I polled as no side effects from either first or second dose. However, I do not consider a sore arm as a "side effect." If a needle is stuck into arm, I expect mild to significant soreness.
  7. You may be reading too much into it if you think she is oversharing or seeking attention. It is very possible that she is posting in support of a friend going through a difficult breakup. Why would you have to leave facebook because of something your daughter in law posts? She should not have that much power over you. You can snooze her for 30 days or unfollow her.
  8. I took both rounds of the Pfizer vaccine with no side effects except for bruising, which is due to fact that my platelet count sometimes drops below 50,000 because of ongoing disease process. I do not count soreness of arm as a side effect since I expect that quick jab with needle will result in minor temporary soreness. During my vaxes, I was working around 75-85 hours a week because of our busy season.
  9. I know several people who *think* they had covid before covid was a thing. As for whether they truly had covid, I have no idea.
  10. We inherited care of my husband's intellectually disabled brother who had lived with mother until she unexpectedly developed septicemia during routine surgery and died. It was rough first few years when we tried to involve the other five siblings to care for him part of year and frankly the constant change would not have been good for him. We had to let go of resentment over other siblings not helping out. Thus, he stayed with us, and eventually we found a good placement for him in agency-supervised living with a roommate. He is an integral part of our nuclear family as he is over at our house on weekends, usually with his roommate. However, with only one adult child still living in our city, we do worry about what will happen to him when husband and I both die. We would not change anything about our situation with him.
  11. Do not give them unsolicited advice or make comments about them being "woke." In fact, if they do ask for advice, you may say," You have a good strong mind, and I'm sure you will come with a reasonable solution to your problem." Their behavior does not strike me as uncommon for their age group. Do not expect them to return texts or calls promptly. Even if you consider their responses to the situation as hysterical, would you truly want someone else telling you how should feel about a situation or judging your response to be hysterical? Acknowledge that the situation must be stressful for them and tell them you hope they get it worked out. For me, it has helped to remember to talk to my adult children the way I would talk to friends.
  12. Has daughter been screened for ADD? My son, who was disgustingly messy, was diagnosed and medicated for ADD at age 31. Now his apartment is neat and tidy and stays that way. It can indeed make a world of difference. As for how I handled it when he lived at home, I wanted to be happy, so I had to let it go. However, I insisted he keep his bedroom door closed, not bring his messiness into common living areas and not do anything that would permanently devalue my property.
  13. One generally has to delve into details about these situations because media tends to hyperfocus on the alleged silliness of it all. Remember the coverage of the McDonald's coffee case? People were up in arms that a woman had audacity to sue because her coffee was hot. However, she suffered substantial burns and had to have skin grafts. At the time, McDonald's coffee was served at about 40 degrees less than boiling point! I feel a great deal of sympathy for the Gorilla glue lady being our temporary laughingstock and criticism target. I, too, have unintentionally misused a product, but fortunately there were no disastrous effects.
  14. Some states allow children of decedent to claim an elective share, so, yes, she can make potentially make trouble if she is in applicable state and is familiar with the law herself or seeks legal advice. Her father can pass an inheritance to her via trust if she is a spendthrift or if she receives government benefits that are asset or income based. One of my clients had a falling out with one of her grandchildren and disinherited him in both her will and in a life insurance trust. Subsequently they reconciled but she failed to update terms of will and insurance trust. Thus, when she died, he was denied his share of her estate. FTR I strongly disagree with disinheriting children or treating them unequally in legal documents.
  15. I strongly believe that anyone who has reached age of reason should have autonomy over their own body even if I think they are a lunatic for not getting Covid vaccine. If you do not want your children around unvaccinated adult relatives, I see no other option at this juncture than to have a brief honest discussion with your parents explaining why the kids can or can't visit and let the chips fall where they may. Your parents need to respect your parenting decisions regardless of whether they agree with them. However, I always wonder ..... how far would one take that? Do people routinely ask neighbors, friends, relatives and acquaintances about their vaccine history before allowing children around them? Reason I ask is that in my entire mothering life, I have had exactly one mother ask if my children were up to date on vaccinations, and this was in absence of a pandemic.
  16. As a person who sometimes has trouble interpreting tone of voice, I tend to listen closely and focus on words. The words "watch out" or "watch yourself" would not seem friendly to me since I probably would not recognize the cheeriness in your voice. I know you didn't ask but what I say in those situations is usually something like "oops we almost had a collision." As for her complaining about it to her companion, well, that is unnecessary and whiny in my opinion.
  17. If deed named children as owner after father's death, there would be no spousal exemption for what passes to children. However, Scarlett has stated that total estate was under $500K so there would be no estate tax even if nothing passed to spouse. The current exemption of $11.7 million is for 2021 deaths only so would not apply to the father's estate. Exemption is adjusted annually for inflation, and is set to drop back to $5M adjusted for inflation after 2025 unless Congress extends the generous exemption.
  18. How much money are you talking about in royalties from minerals? Attorney fees may outweigh whatever royalty payments would have been. If not, then yes indeed the adult children need an attorney. The plaintiffs will have case against "landman" or against mother/stepmother for taking what was rightfully theirs for 34 years although you stated that at least some of the children "signed off" on those conditions. Re: estate taxes. If decedent died 34 years ago, the federal lifetime exemption was $500,000 at his death. Thus, if the fair market value of his assets at death exceeded $500,000, then, yes, the decedent's estate would owe estate taxes with outrageous penalties and interest to the IRS. That is landmine I would not want to set off. Do not know if LA and AR had estate taxes at decedent's death. Only a handful of states still have an estate tax provision, but more states had estate tax in the 1980s.
  19. No, I have not felt jealousy because of my children's relationships with each other. In fact, I celebrate that they are quite close to one another and turn to each other in times of need, nor do I feel envious of relationship they have with my sister. The wider a person's support network is, the better chance they have of making it through tough times intact. I do not want to hijack thread so I may start another thread about an interesting observation that some parents are jealous of what their children achieve and attempt to minimize their accomplishments.
  20. No, it is not healthy to exclude your daughter from family events such as upcoming birthday. Sister may invite whomever she pleases to her own get-togethers, but she is going a step too far when sister insists your daughter not attend event sister is attending. Essentially your sister is trying to cut your daughter off from her beloved extended family. That is a no go.
  21. Yes, it still happens but not on any regular schedule. My husband's work schedule is rather unpredictable, and during my busy season at work, I cannot handle obligations other than work and family emergencies. It helps that husband and I are homebodies and introverts, so we may not need quite as much date time as some other couples.
  22. We did not have specified date nights pre or post covid. Not interested in having one more obligation.
  23. My guess is that the employee was upset because, while employer has appropriate covid policies, they may not be enforced. Of course, you are doing all you can at your end. You're not the covid police.
  24. My personal preference is flat style because they are more flexible. I do use the glove style once in a while because kids gave them to me as gift years ago.
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