Consequences for a mistake?

[Jean in Newcastle]

My ds11 used my silpat (fiberglass/ silicone baking sheet) as a cutting board and has cut a slash through it. I am not angry. He made a mistake and apologized. He will not do it again (or if he does - then I'll be angry!)

 

Now - if I even accidentally damaged someone's property I would replace it.

 

But - he's a child and it was an honest accident.

 

Do I require him to replace it? A new one would cost about $20. It would be about 2 day's work for him (with me being the employer and giving him appropriate jobs). It would be considerably longer if he used just the money from his bread business (more like a month).

[Aggie]

In this instance, an apology is appropriate, imo.

 

At least he tried to use a cutting board, though! He just didn't know not to use that as a cutting board. Good for him for thinking not to damage the counter!

[nmoira]

 

Now - if I even accidentally damaged someone's property I would replace it.

But is it YOUR property, or family property? If the latter, how would you normally handle incidents of this kind? Would you replace a broken item, say a toilet paper holder, in a matter of fact manner regardless of who broke it? We all make mistakes and have accidents.

[Jean in Newcastle]

But is it YOUR property, or family property? If the latter, how would you normally handle incidents of this kind? Would you replace a broken item, say a toilet paper holder, in a matter of fact manner regardless of who broke it? We all make mistakes and have accidents.

 

Hmmm. Is it mine? The family gave it to me as a birthday gift a couple of years ago! But it is for family use.

[Amber in AUS]

I would have prob got angry, stomped my feet, sent child to room and once calm reconciled with child and bought a new one myself. Accidents happen, if you are 100% sure this was not an intentional act then teach him from it and move on. Perhaps you need to keep it in a different place?

[Jean in Newcastle]

Perhaps you need to keep it in a different place?

 

LOL! Usually I would have stomped my feet etc. too! But I was feeling serene today and that helped.

 

Usually it's kept out of the way where it wouldn't be confused with a cutting board. But we had just baked a loaf of artisan bread that was still cooling on the silpat. Ds11 got hungry and the rest is history.

 

It sounds like the consensus so far is to let it go. That was my first instinct but then I wondered if my new-found serenity was making me soft in the mothering department!

[nmoira]

Hmmm. Is it mine? The family gave it to me as a birthday gift a couple of years ago! But it is for family use.

What a great present. Maybe he'll volunteer to pitch in for another, but I wouldn't require it. You might ask him to help you make cookies or some such thing with the new one though. :)

 

Is there a small cutting board convenient for him to use?

[Amber in AUS]

So really it was an impulse thing on his part, he just didn't think. The bread was sitting right there on it for him to cut. Oh, well, hopefully he has learned his lesson. That is certainly different from him pulling it out of the cupboard and using it.

 

Enjoy your serenity, if you are anything like me those days are few and far between.

[SherryTX]

I have had my kids work to earn money (extra chores, we don't pay for basic chores) on a few occasions. However, it was usually the result of carelessness- as in it may have been an accident, but we had warned them not to be so careless, and they were not careful.

 

I think an apology is appropriate if you are comfortable with that. However, if this is a problem (that he just doesn't "think" about these things) on more than this occasion, I think it would be a good idea to make him earn the money to buy you a new one.

 

Even if it isn't, I see no harm in having him repay you through work. It may be a good lesson for you - it isn't punitive at all, it is helping him to understand that if he breaks something that doesn't belong to him, that he should step up and replace it.

 

In our house, everything except what has been given directly to the kids, or what they have bought on their own belongs to me and my husband. We don't even give video games to them, for example, we will buy a few for Christmas, and say it is for family use, but belongs to us. We started this a couple of years ago, and I was surprised how quickly the kids started becoming a bit more conscious with things. They could do better, haha, but it helped.

 

It's about respecting other people's property. Again, I don't think it would be wrong to accept the apology, but if presented positively, he may actually be a good thing for your kid's self esteem because you are recognizing that he has the ability to not just apologize, but "make things right". A lot of kids actually appreciate that, especially in those tween years.

[LaxMom]

I would just accept the apology, much as I did when my husband turned on the wrong burner and cracked a clay baking dish; it was simply an accident.

 

The silpat is probably still usable. Mine have random nicks and cuts in them. It doesn't affect their performance that I have found.

[Night Elf]

Now - if I even accidentally damaged someone's property I would replace it.

 

What would you expect from your husband if he was the one who had damaged the item?

 

I would accept his apology, purchase a new one, give him a huge hug, talk about how accidents can happen even if we are very vigilant, and talk about how if he were to damage something that belonged to someone outside the family it would be his obligation to repair or replace it.

 

If it was a willful accident (i.e. disobedience perhaps in using an item he was specifically told not to touch), I could see having him use his own money to replace it.

 

One other thing to think about, would you expect your children to pay for other items involved in accidents: a broken lamp, a chipped cup or plate, a broken glass, a scratch or permanent mark on a piece of furniture, a hole in their clothing? This is where my thoughts are coming from. Things happen all the time and I try to keep all things in perspective.

[Pamela H in Texas]

There are consequences IRL for accidents and mistakes. I wouldn't save him from them now. He won't be saved from them in life. Stuff happens.

 

So yes, I'd have him work off the cost of the item. Actually, by 11, I'd hope he would have offered and gotten started already. But I do know that kids mature at different times (and based on our prior disciplining of them). Definitely encourage him to make up for mistakes and accidents.

 

I think people get hung up on thinking this is punitive. It's just not. If I accidentally do WHATEVER to anyone, I make it up somehow. That just is life. There is no reason for hard feelings, just take care of business.

 

Of course, we're not generally punitive otherwise anyway so things like this aren't likened to punishment because it's just how life is.

Edited April 12, 2009 by 2J5M9K

[kalanamak]

I would not. If the child was young enough to need a "reminder" about it, I'd ban them from some fun activity in the kitchen for a couple of days, and remind them to ASK about things with knives, hammers, etc.

 

Better a silpat than the counter-top!

[KidsHappen]

My general response is that we use accidents for learning purposes and I try to use natural consequences to teach these lessons. Now if I had made this mistake and the object was still usable them I would not replace it so I would not expect anyone else to either. If I had to replace it, I still might not make them pay for it but it is possible that they might want to use money for something else in the near future to which my response would be, "I am sorry but we don't have the money for that because I had to replace _______." I also try not discipline for something that I have not specifically told them not to do (unless they really should have known better) but instead use that incident as a teaching moment. I have been absolutely amazed at some of the things they have done though that I would never have thought to tell them not to do. So sometimes I learn as much as they do. Some examples have been one child walking on a roof, one child jumping out of a tree, one child getting hit by a car (because of inadequate instruction by me), children getting hurt reinacting tv stunts. I could go on all day. In this case, in my house, an apology and statement that he understands to only use a cutting board in the future would be enough and I would let it go.

[RoughCollie]

I would not make him pay for it, since it was a mistake. I would ask him to ask me first before he uses something other than a cutting board as a cutting board. I'd make sure he understands that mine are not self-healing mats. I'd make sure he knows exactly what my cutting boards look like.

[Tree House Academy]

I would have him work for half the cost. My son left his bike out in the driveway the other night and when DH came home, he accidentally ran over one of the tires which left it bent and unusable. ds needed a new bike anyway, so we made a deal with him that, if he will save his yard mowing money/allowance, when he gets to $50 we will match that $50 and meet him halfway. Ds is 9.

 

For your son, yes, it was a mistake. However, mistakes also have consequences. Now, he needs to at least HELP you replace the property he damaged. Let your good heart/serene mood help you meet him halfway, but don't let him off with just an apology. Real life is not nearly that easy...

[Tree House Academy]

One other thing to think about, would you expect your children to pay for other items involved in accidents: a broken lamp, a chipped cup or plate, a broken glass, a scratch or permanent mark on a piece of furniture, a hole in their clothing? This is where my thoughts are coming from. Things happen all the time and I try to keep all things in perspective.

 

I agree with this post as well (even though it is opposite of my original thought). However, had he ever (EVER?) been told not to use the silpat to cut on? Did he know that it was only for use by you? If so, I think that changes things. I don't make my kids pay for dishes or clothes, but they are also allowed to use those things, so I take responsibility for knowing that those things could be ruined in the process...KWIM?

[fivetails]

I wouldn't make him replace it - the same as I wouldn't make him replace a glass that got dropped and broke... accidents happen. :)

[abbeyej]

We're talking about an 11yo, not a 5yo. I would calmly explain that he needs to replace it, and offer jobs to help him earn money to cover the cost more quickly. I don't see why "mistake" should excuse it. He knew it wasn't a cutting board. If it had been anyone else's, you would expect him to replace it. It's a good lesson to learn now. Screaming and yelling won't help -- but taking responsibility for a foolish choice will.

[fivetails]

He knew it wasn't a cutting board.

 

But did he know it couldn't be cut on without damaging it? Doesn't sound like it... We cut on plates, trays, cutting boards, etc... if I had something that could be damaged by being cut on, I'd make sure that everyone in the house knew that *before* it was used in the kitchen --- like my one and only good cookie tray, dh and dd12 both know that they are NEVER to cook chicken strips, fish sticks, fries, or whatever on it. ;)

[Barb_]

I vote for extending a little grace. People before things except in the case of willful destruction or habitual carelessness.

 

Barb

[Plucky]

In this instance, an apology is appropriate, imo.

 

At least he tried to use a cutting board, though! He just didn't know not to use that as a cutting board. Good for him for thinking not to damage the counter!

 

I agree an apology is enough.

[Ida]

In my opinion this falls in the category of allowing your child a safe place to learn from his mistakes. You may want to *tell* him that, were you to have done something similar to a friend's property, you would need to replace it. But you're a family. Sometimes there are casualties as our children learn life skills in their home. You certainly don't want him to feel like he shouldn't TRY to become self sufficient in the kitchen for fear of messing up. You don't ask your toddler to replace a lamp that gets knocked over when he bumps into it--similar kind of learning experience at a different stage. Now, if there were a consistent pattern of carelessness leading to property damage, then I could see imposing economic consequences, but it sounds like he made and honest mistake, is sincerely sorry, and probably feels bad enough about it without having to pay for it too. It's just stuff.

[SonshineLearner]

I would say, no...I have those cutting boards that look like a silpat, and that's what my children would think they had grabbed. Now, if you show him...and he does it again..then probably yes..

Carrie:-)

[Janet in WA]

Do I require him to replace it? A new one would cost about $20. It would be about 2 day's work for him (with me being the employer and giving him appropriate jobs).

 

Whatever you decide, keep in mind that it doesn't have to be "all or nothing". You could ask him to contribute a bit toward the replacement value of the mat -- but not the whole $20. I wouldn't make this a hardship for him.

[abbeyej]

I agree with your principles, Barb, but obviously we disagree with the implementation. Grace, yes, a wonderful thing and something to keep in mind when parenting. And "people before things", absolutely. But I don't think that a *calm*, *gentle* response that requires an older child to replace something they broke through thoughtlessness puts things before people. I think screaming and ranting would. I think *that* would be a terrible response and place the value of the thing above the child -- and that would be wrong.

 

But teaching an older child that when they destroy things (willfully, or simply through thoughtlessness), those things must be replaced in some way is a vital lesson. It helps teach them to be careful with resources -- their own, and other people's -- and that their parents won't always be there to fix their mistakes for them.

 

And that's a really important lesson to my mind. One that I would far, far rather my children learn at 6 or 11 or 14 than at 18 or 30 or 50...

 

ETA:

 

I also see lots of people saying, "it was just an accident -- he wasn't being willfully destructive" as a reason for not having him replace the item. I have a couple of problems with that. First, as adults, we are not only responsible for our "willful destruction" of other people's property, but also for accidents. We don't (generally, assuming normal mental faculties) willfully cause car accidents, but we may occasionally be involved in an "accident" for which we (either directly or through the insurance which we pay for) must make restitution.

 

Also, this wasn't the "I tripped and bumped into it" sort of accident. The child -- who is apparently familiar with his own kitchen and the uses of the particular tools in it, since he has a small business baking things -- make a (childish, foolish) decision to cut something on the special silicon mat for baking. He *knew* this was not a cutting board. And went ahead with his foolish decision to misuse the item. Recognizing that there is an objective consequence for that (replacing the mat) is part of growing up.

 

If it were a truly expensive item that the child could not possibly be expected to replace on his own (without undue hardship), I would likely ask for partial payment. A calm conversation about the decision he made, what the real cost is, and why I'm extending grace to cover a portion (whether that's 10% or 95%)... But he would still pay something to help towards recovering the destruction of an item through *thoughtlessness*.

 

I really do think there are times when we say, "Oh, well, accidents happen". In this case, the child made a foolish decision to misuse an item that did not belong to him. He can earn the money to replace it in a reasonable amount of time (two days), and can possibly learn a lesson about being responsible with other people's tools.

Edited April 12, 2009 by abbeyej

[Haiku]

No, you do not make him replace it. Part of having kids is that they sometimes accidentally ruin our stuff. Now, were he to ruin something out of carelessness or laziness, then you would have him replace it. But not because he didn't know that using a knife on it would ruin it.

 

Tara

[Needleroozer]

LOL! Usually I would have stomped my feet etc. too! But I was feeling serene today and that helped.

 

Usually it's kept out of the way where it wouldn't be confused with a cutting board. But we had just baked a loaf of artisan bread that was still cooling on the silpat. Ds11 got hungry and the rest is history.

 

It sounds like the consensus so far is to let it go. That was my first instinct but then I wondered if my new-found serenity was making me soft in the mothering department!

 

Trust your instincts! You are by no means soft in the mothering dept ever! You are one of my best role models for how amazing you are with your kids. I really mean that!

 

If it were me, I would let it go, but take him with me when I bought the replacement, just so he can see the cost, etc. If it happened again in the future, yes, have him replace it, but the first time, yes, I would let it go too. He is just 11, and neither of mine would have known not to cut on our silpat at that age either. Learning through our mistakes is what it is all about!

Edited April 12, 2009 by Needleroozer
spelling typo as usual

[Pamela H in Texas]

VERY nice post Abbey....very nice indeed :)

[Barb_]

I agree with your principles, Barb, but obviously we disagree with the implementation. Grace, yes, a wonderful thing and something to keep in mind when parenting. And "people before things", absolutely. But I don't think that a *calm*, *gentle* response that requires an older child to replace something they broke through thoughtlessness puts things before people.

 

Hmmm...I find myself nodding in agreement with you so maybe we're looking at this through different lenses. If something was broken through thoughtlessness I would say, yes, said thing should be worked off. But in this case? It seemed he thought he was being thoughtful. The boy grabbed something he believed to be a cutting board and it turned out not to be. To require payment, even in a calm and rational tone, could be construed at disapproval and punishment by the child.

 

But teaching an older child that when they destroy things (willfully, or simply through thoughtlessness), those things must be replaced in some way is a vital lesson. It helps teach them to be careful with resources -- their own, and other people's -- and that their parents won't always be there to fix their mistakes for them.

 

Maybe I don't see 11 as that old yet. If he had marred the counter because he was too impulsive to grab a board in the first place, that would have drawn a line for me. My my oldest at that age would have been panic-stricken that she was somehow lessened in my mind had I drawn this out long enough to make her pay for it. Simply suffering through her own mistake would have been enough to learn a lesson. Then again, when she was 18 and had just enough driving confidence to be a little dangerous, she swung too close to a traffic cone and knocked the side mirror off my car. She knew someone needed to pay for it and she did...to the tune of around $250. She had the maturity to accept the greater responsibility for her actions.

 

Only the OP knows what kind of kid she has and the level of emotionally maturity she's dealing with. But I believe a heartfelt apology and an appropriate amount of regret is enough restitution in many cases.

 

Then I see you wrote this:

Also, this wasn't the "I tripped and bumped into it" sort of accident. The child -- who is apparently familiar with his own kitchen and the uses of the particular tools in it, since he has a small business baking things -- make a (childish, foolish) decision to cut something on the special silicon mat for baking. He *knew* this was not a cutting board. And went ahead with his foolish decision to misuse the item.

 

It could be we agree and are simply reading different circumstances into the post. So Jean? Which is it??

 

Barb

[Barb_]

I agree with your principles, Barb, but obviously we disagree with the implementation. Grace, yes, a wonderful thing and something to keep in mind when parenting. And "people before things", absolutely. But I don't think that a *calm*, *gentle* response that requires an older child to replace something they broke through thoughtlessness puts things before people. I think screaming and ranting would. I think *that* would be a terrible response and place the value of the thing above the child -- and that would be wrong..

 

ETA: Sigh. This is still bugging me. I think I responded to this post to begin with because my husband is such a things before people person. He was raised that way, and I struggle with this a lot. It's tough to walk on eggshells all the time because his things (or family things, which of course, are also his things) are so important to him. I've attempted to influence him over the years, and I believe I have (he isn't as quick to scream and throw tantrums, but they still happen) but I'm so afraid he's influenced me as well. I'm more materialistic than I used to be or was raised to be simply because I've gotten so used to trying to keep the peace.

 

My 14yo borrowed a boy's (very expensive) skateboard last month. It got away from her and went shooting out of the driveway, down the block, and into a busy street where it proceeded to be run over multiple times. She was mortified and so sad for her friend. His dad (divorced) had had it custom made for him at Christmas. She wrote him a letter apologizing and asking him to please let her make it right and gave him $150 of her babysitting money. The boy's mom called and told me that even though she understood my wish as a parent to have her pay for it, Jenna was so much more important than anything material and that her son felt the same. I realized that my first response wouldn't likely have been worry about the person or her feelings, but irritation about the object and the trouble it caused. That made me reexamine my own MO and realize dh and I probably need counseling for this.

 

Barb

[Pamela H in Texas]

To require payment, even in a calm and rational tone, could be construed at disapproval and punishment by the child.

 

Two related thoughts: 1) kids generally aren't this fragile and 2) if they are, they need to be helped out of it.

 

Seriously, is this child going to grow into an adult who beats themselves up when they make a mistake? Are they not going to go out and buy themselves a new mat if they accidentally ruin one? Why? Because they made a mistake and might again? Are they going to think of every fixing of a mistake or accident IRL as punishment?

 

Seriously, I don't think it's that big of a deal if a parent wants to eat the cost of an occasional mistake. But I think some of the discussion around it is a bit scary. Kids are just people and people replace what they accidentally tear up. If I run to the restroom, disturbing the lamp making it fall to the floor, I go out and buy a new lamp. I'm not being punished about it or whatever. I'm simply fixing what I messed up accidentally. Or I might tell my friend who accidentally breaks it the same way, not to worry about it. Or I might gratefully accept the replacement she goes out and buys.

 

I was working with a 6yo foster child. He broke this child's jumprope accidentally. He used his allowance to buy a new jumprope. Of course the adults in the situation could have just replaced the jumprope, but it was good for the kid to be able to fix the situation he accidentally caused. He felt GOOD about it.

 

And I really think more kids would feel better about fixing the situation than would be upset about "punishment." And those that aren't, maybe need to be helped to look at it that way.

[Barb_]

Two related thoughts: 1) kids generally aren't this fragile and 2) if they are, they need to be helped out of it.

 

Seriously, is this child going to grow into an adult who beats themselves up when they make a mistake? Are they not going to go out and buy themselves a new mat if they accidentally ruin one? Why? Because they made a mistake and might again? Are they going to think of every fixing of a mistake or accident IRL as punishment?

 

Did you not read my posts? The ones where at 14 and 18 the children *chose* to pay restitution when it was clearly their fault, even if it was accidental? At 11 the older one was a lot harder on herself than we could ever be. She *was* helped out of it...partially by my teaching her to be gentler with herself. Overstating a bit to call any of the above responses "scary", don't you think?

 

Barb

[Jean in Newcastle]

What we did:

 

Ds and I had a talk today. He said that he knew it was a silpat and not a cutting board. (This kid bakes all the time.) But he did think that the silpat material was one of those self-healing ones. He is mortified that he cut through it.

 

He apologized (again) and did offer to pay for it. He told me if it had been borrowed from someone outside the family that he would have replaced it without thought.

 

I've looked at the silpat. I think it is still usable. I will not be asking him to replace it or to pay me back for it with money. I will be getting some extra chores out of him as a responsibility thing. He understands that and is fine with it. Thank you so much for helping me to think this through.

[Tap]

I would let it go, but remind him that if he had a different relationship with the owner of the damaged item, he would be expected to replace it.

 

We had a similar circumstance today, Dd ruined one of my favorite sweatshirts today. It was an Eddie Bauer and not cheap to replace, but it was unintentional and just a kid mistake (involved a misdirected sharpie marker). I let it go.

 

 

IMHO...Teaching him to forgive unconditionally is just as important as teaching responsibility of actions.

 

If he broke a rule he knew or intentionally damaged property...that would be different and I would expect repayment.

[melissel]

What we did:

 

Ds and I had a talk today. He said that he knew it was a silpat and not a cutting board. (This kid bakes all the time.) But he did think that the silpat material was one of those self-healing ones. He is mortified that he cut through it.

 

He apologized (again) and did offer to pay for it. He told me if it had been borrowed from someone outside the family that he would have replaced it without thought.

 

I've looked at the silpat. I think it is still usable. I will not be asking him to replace it or to pay me back for it with money. I will be getting some extra chores out of him as a responsibility thing. He understands that and is fine with it. Thank you so much for helping me to think this through.

 

I'm so glad you came to a resolution. He sounds like a kind, responsible kid. The self-healing mat thing was the first that came to my mind too--so many people use those for cooking and crafting now.

 

Also, just FYI, you're not supposed to use Silpats that have cuts in them because there's a concern that the fiberglass material within can work its way out into the food:

 

http://www.silpat.com/FAQ.html

 

For whatever that's worth! Enjoy your extra help :D

[SherryTX]

ETA: Sigh. This is still bugging me. I think I responded to this post to begin with because my husband is such a things before people person. He was raised that way, and I struggle with this a lot. It's tough to walk on eggshells all the time because his things (or family things, which of course, are also his things) are so important to him. I've attempted to influence him over the years, and I believe I have (he isn't as quick to scream and throw tantrums, but they still happen) but I'm so afraid he's influenced me as well. I'm more materialistic than I used to be or was raised to be simply because I've gotten so used to trying to keep the peace.

 

My 14yo borrowed a boy's (very expensive) skateboard last month. It got away from her and went shooting out of the driveway, down the block, and into a busy street where it proceeded to be run over multiple times. She was mortified and so sad for her friend. His dad (divorced) had had it custom made for him at Christmas. She wrote him a letter apologizing and asking him to please let her make it right and gave him $150 of her babysitting money. The boy's mom called and told me that even though she understood my wish as a parent to have her pay for it, Jenna was so much more important than anything material and that her son felt the same. I realized that my first response wouldn't likely have been worry about the person or her feelings, but irritation about the object and the trouble it caused. That made me reexamine my own MO and realize dh and I probably need counseling for this.

 

Barb

 

I don't see how asking a someone, even a child (I think 11 year olds are old enough to help pay for something they break, accident or not) is being "materialistic". I think it is very nice that the mother said she didn't need to pay for it - but if she accepted it, it certainly would not be putting "things before people".

 

Whether the original poster decides to have her son pay for it in full, partial, or just accepts the apology, that's fine. That is her decision how she wants to handle it. But I find it bothersome that the gist of so many people here is that it is being materialistic and putting things before people a bit astounding.

 

Teaching children to be responsible for their actions, mistake or not, is a parent's responsibility. This does not mean it is necessary in all case for a kid to replace every little thing the broke etc. (If that were the case, all my kids would have to get part time jobs to replace the dishes they broke washing them over the past 6 months!).

 

And what are we teaching our kids if we allow them to think that an apology is going to be the only thing required in every instance just because they "are family". Trust me - that will get old very very quick when kids become teenagers.

[SherryTX]

What we did:

 

Ds and I had a talk today. He said that he knew it was a silpat and not a cutting board. (This kid bakes all the time.) But he did think that the silpat material was one of those self-healing ones. He is mortified that he cut through it.

 

He apologized (again) and did offer to pay for it. He told me if it had been borrowed from someone outside the family that he would have replaced it without thought.

 

I've looked at the silpat. I think it is still usable. I will not be asking him to replace it or to pay me back for it with money. I will be getting some extra chores out of him as a responsibility thing. He understands that and is fine with it. Thank you so much for helping me to think this through.

 

Glad it all got worked out.

You should be proud that your son sounds like the type of kid that learns from his mistakes.

:)

[Barb_]

I don't see how asking a someone, even a child (I think 11 year olds are old enough to help pay for something they break, accident or not) is being "materialistic". I think it is very nice that the mother said she didn't need to pay for it - but if she accepted it, it certainly would not be putting "things before people".

 

Whether the original poster decides to have her son pay for it in full, partial, or just accepts the apology, that's fine. That is her decision how she wants to handle it. But I find it bothersome that the gist of so many people here is that it is being materialistic and putting things before people a bit astounding.

 

Teaching children to be responsible for their actions, mistake or not, is a parent's responsibility. This does not mean it is necessary in all case for a kid to replace every little thing the broke etc. (If that were the case, all my kids would have to get part time jobs to replace the dishes they broke washing them over the past 6 months!).

 

And what are we teaching our kids if we allow them to think that an apology is going to be the only thing required in every instance just because they "are family". Trust me - that will get old very very quick when kids become teenagers.

 

I think you need to reread my posts, Sheri. I said *I* had become more materialistic than I was comfortable with because my husband has a problem putting things before people. It was a musing post to Abbey that was only tangentially related to the OP. Not only that, but the point of my original response to the OP was that sometimes an apology is enough, IMO, which correlates to your above post. AND I have raised teens who are responsible and respectful of others' things.

 

Gah...maybe next time you might read more than a few key words before responding.

 

Barb

[Jean in Newcastle]

Also, just FYI, you're not supposed to use Silpats that have cuts in them because there's a concern that the fiberglass material within can work its way out into the food:

 

http://www.silpat.com/FAQ.html

 

 

 

Oh thank you for telling me this. I did wonder about it and of course we want to be safe. In that case, I will replace it. But my agreement with him (some extra chores but not repayment in money) will stand.