dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This evening my brother refused to let my child stay in the hotel with Grandma and him, as the child had been promised by grandma and me weeks ago, causing both child and grandmother to cry. My brother was so visibly annoyed with my children orbiting me and being noisily playful that by the end of today I was holding back tears. My father told me this afternoon he was going to take the worst pictures he possibly could of me, and post them on his Facebook account, and tag me in them. They're already up, and they're horrendous. I look like a slug. He's done this before, thinks it's hilarious, and I'm ready to never let him visit again. At dinner, my grandmother and my partner ganged up on me in front of the kids about video games and television and how I don't let the kids have unlimited access to them (up to two hours a week some weeks, other weeks none). They did this in front of the kids. I was under the mistaken impression that these were four of my favorite people. I'm so furious that I can't sleep. I feel betrayed. I let so few people into my inner sanctuary, and I trusted all of them not to hurt me. The last thing I want to do is see them again tomorrow. They're not leaving until Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I am really sorry. I wish there was more to say. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milseain Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Pack your bags & come stay here w/ me. I'll make you all the chocolate you can hold, & I have great tea, wonderful coffee, a french press, & even some contraband wine. (Baptist seminary, you know.) I'm serious. I'm so mad for you, I could cry, & I barely know you. I promise we'd be great friends, & I'm almost always nice. Just don't ask dh. ;) We'll kick him out &...I don't know...I'm imagining the girl party from Grease, but I gotta tell ya, that's not really me. You name it, though. You'll be feeling better in no time. I'm magic like that. (Well...it might actually be all the chocolate that does it, but nobody really argues w/ me. LOL) I'm preheating the oven now... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aggie Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm old and cranky enough that if they did that to me today, tomorrow the dc and I would leave at the crack of dawn and not return until Monday. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh Aubrey, I wish I could take you up on it! I was thinking of you tonight during a conversation in the bathroom with my partner. :lol: That's not as weird as it sounds. I was telling him that I have this story, this whole world and characters and adventure in my head occupying most of my attention most of the time, but I just don't have the audacity to say, "Sorry, I can't ______, I'm writing a novel," and make time to get it out of my head. He told me that's mostly what he teaches, when he does writer's workshops -- that half the battle is making space in your life to write. (The other half is revising, he said. :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'm old and cranky enough that if they did that to me today, tomorrow the dc and I would leave at the crack of dawn and not return until Monday. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Oh, Aggie, I should, shouldn't I? Part of what's throwing me off is that this is just not like them. Or at least I didn't think it was. Maybe absence made my heart grow dumber? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh boy, that stinks. :grouphug: Is there any hope that they'll all be reformed & better behaved by tomorrow? Can you & the dc run away for the day by yourselves? Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh Aubrey, I wish I could take you up on it! I was thinking of you tonight during a conversation in the bathroom with my partner. :lol: That's not as weird as it sounds. I was telling him that I have this story, this whole world and characters and adventure in my head occupying most of my attention most of the time, but I just don't have the audacity to say, "Sorry, I can't ______, I'm writing a novel," and make time to get it out of my head. He told me that's mostly what he teaches, when he does writer's workshops -- that half the battle is making space in your life to write. (The other half is revising, he said. :D) That's it! Tomorrow, you're making space in your life to write! I was fighting w/ a room mate once--the silent kind of fighting. She'd get up & go to the bathroom to get ready, & I'd grab my bags & go get dressed somewhere else. Later, when we'd fixed things between us, we laughed at how cunning we'd been at avoiding ea other. My problem is, I like sneaking around so much that it cheers me up & I forget to be mad. Unfortunately, it upsets other people so much, that I don't get to come back to a lovely rose garden. Ok, though, if you're too nice to go the passive-agressive route, I do think you should suggest a nice outing that would give all of you more space. The zoo or some gardens or something where you can say, "Dd really wants to see the Hammerhead Shark. I'm going to take her over there while you all stay here w/ the flamingos. I'll meet you for lunch in 10 hrs." And don't rule out Tx. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Ok, though, if you're too nice to go the passive-agressive route, I do think you should suggest a nice outing that would give all of you more space. The zoo or some gardens or something where you can say, "Dd really wants to see the Hammerhead Shark. I'm going to take her over there while you all stay here w/ the flamingos. I'll meet you for lunch in 10 hrs." It'll be okay, tomorrow, I think. My brother made plans to spend the afternoon with a mutual friend he has in town. My grandmother and I will be supervising the kids at the hotel pool all day, but it will be too loud in there to talk. Dad went home, but those Facebook pictures are still up hours after I asked him to take them down. I have no idea if he will or not. Is there any recourse to that? I really, really need my ex-husband to not see them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Dad went home, but those Facebook pictures are still up hours after I asked him to take them down. I have no idea if he will or not. Is there any recourse to that? I really, really need my ex-husband to not see them. I'm pretty sure you can contact FB. I don't think it's legal to post pics of people w/out their consent. There was a problem w/ this recently when a babysitter posted pics of someone's kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Jenny Flint Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Look in your facebook privacy settings- there is one about photos tagged of you... and one of the options under "who sees this?" is only me. Now, I am not sure if people will still be able to see them under your dad's page, but they won't be able to see from your page. Sorry you are dealing with turkeys today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Look in your facebook privacy settings- there is one about photos tagged of you... and one of the options under "who sees this?" is only me. Thank you! I got them removed! Dad'll be annoyed, but for pete's sake... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'm glad you got the pictures removed - some people think that's really funny and I find it bizarre! I would be very upset about the video game / tv thing especially if your DP was siding with the others - that is not cool and I would let him know that you expect a united front even if you are dealing with close family members. On the lighter side I will comment that your "my children orbiting me playing noisily" cracked me up - that is EXACTLY the right description! My kids do that of course and it also freaks out my family members with less/no kids but it doesn't seem odd to me at all because that's just what my life is...... You are such a loving thoughtful intentional mother Rose - don't let others get you down this weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TraceyS/FL Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 HOly smokes Rose...... and i thought my in-laws living in my driveway this month after i called the cops on their son, and decided to move forward with a divorce was bad. :grouphug: (But you did reaffirm that the kids won't be told of the divorce until after the driveway company leaves... i'm not having them gang up on "his side"). If you can't make it to TX to hang with Aubrey, you can be-bop down here to FL anytime! More :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 If you can't make it to TX to hang with Aubrey, you can be-bop down here to FL anytime! Y'all are so sweet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I would be very upset about the video game / tv thing especially if your DP was siding with the others - that is not cool and I would let him know that you expect a united front even if you are dealing with close family members. He brought them to the hotel last night. As he was helping Grandma into the van, the dog tried to join them for the trip. It was too cold for our faithful Aussie, though, so he had to bring her back in. When he came back to the door, I had let my guard down and he could read my face. The expression on his face did just as big a 180. He immediately realized what had happened and was sorry, particularly during the forty minutes or so of crying in his arms that happened when he got back. He gets to mop up the mess when I've had too much stress for a day, and he did. I don't really see that problem happening again, not with how upset I was. That's why I love him so much: even though his heart's in the right place, he's an idiot sometimes. I'm that way too, as folks who have suffered on this board with me for a few years know. But I really wish people could just be born perfectly good and not have to go through that whole dumb mistake/learning-&-growing process. And I don't know how or if I can undo the damage that was done last night to my kids' conceptions of the universe they live in. I'm pretty sure the 6yo now has a list of arguments with which to begin the revolution. You are such a loving thoughtful intentional mother Rose - don't let others get you down this weekend. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh wow. They all sound so lovely. :glare: Honestly, they usually are! That's why it hurts so much. I didn't know I had to be on eggshells around them. These are the inner circle and they were all NUTS yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug: And in between Fl and Tx, you can road trip to Louisiana too. You are a unique and beautiful person. From what I've read you were raised to think outside of the box and for yourself. I'm sorry others have been ganging up on you. Just keep marching to your own drummer, the music you are making is beautiful. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Well, what a bunch of boogerheads! I am so sorry. I hope the rest of the weekend goes better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug: Oh my goodness. What a horrible situation to be in. I believe you have every right to tell them all you feel terribly hurt and humiliated and wish to spend the day with only your children. I'd put the kids in the car and go find other things to do. Honestly. But then again, I've had to do that with my family as well. It's hard but it sure does feel good to know that I can protect myself from people purposefully hurting me even if they think it's in jest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Dad went home, but those Facebook pictures are still up hours after I asked him to take them down. I have no idea if he will or not. Is there any recourse to that? I really, really need my ex-husband to not see them. Give us a link. We can message him how horrible to be so mean to his own daughter. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh for cryin' out loud. That was mean. They should treat you better, dear. And yes, you should definitely look into getting down to Aubrey's for some chocolate and sympathy. She'll be doing it as an officially named representative of the Hive, who wish they could be there too.:auto: Dang. The nerve of some people! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawn of ns Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Thank you! I got them removed! Dad'll be annoyed, but for pete's sake... "Dad, I had to go to an outside source to get treated respectfully on this. Think about that." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnetteB Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm old and cranky enough that if they did that to me today, tomorrow the dc and I would leave at the crack of dawn and not return until Monday. No one deserves that kind of treatment. I love this idea! I can't imagine having family treat you this way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peri Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This evening my brother refused to let my child stay in the hotel with Grandma and him, as the child had been promised by grandma and me weeks ago, causing both child and grandmother to cry. My brother was so visibly annoyed with my children orbiting me and being noisily playful that by the end of today I was holding back tears. My father told me this afternoon he was going to take the worst pictures he possibly could of me, and post them on his Facebook account, and tag me in them. They're already up, and they're horrendous. I look like a slug. He's done this before, thinks it's hilarious, and I'm ready to never let him visit again. At dinner, my grandmother and my partner ganged up on me in front of the kids about video games and television and how I don't let the kids have unlimited access to them (up to two hours a week some weeks, other weeks none). They did this in front of the kids. I was under the mistaken impression that these were four of my favorite people. I'm so furious that I can't sleep. I feel betrayed. I let so few people into my inner sanctuary, and I trusted all of them not to hurt me. The last thing I want to do is see them again tomorrow. They're not leaving until Sunday. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I too don't like to let people into my inner sanctuary because I'm too sensitive and tend to take things personaly. What I have learned though is that sometimes people do things and they don't realize that what they're doing hurts. You do have the right to speak up and not allow them to cross certain lines. That dinner conversation should have never happened but since it did you had every right to inform everyone that it was inappropriate to do infront of the children. had they persisted i would have put my foot down even more by saying that the kids also need to learn how to respect thier mother and ganging up on her the way they did undermines your authority. That is never a good thing. In other words: Your kids, your way. As for your grandmother, would it have been possibe to invite her to stay overnight in your home since your brother couldn't tolerate them? Not that I'm saying anything bad about your brother. There are times I need my DH to take my kids somewhere so i can have some peace and quiet. I would have also taken the camera away from my dad and deleted those pics. What I'm saying is you don't have to let your family get the best of you. If they jab, jab back. :grouphug: I hope it gets easier for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I have the perfect answer for the six yo. "Because I'm the Mama, and I am queen of this house, and My Word is LAW." You can use your dp's guilt and shame as incentive for him to back you up in this statement. I was very thankful lately when my dh gave us a 3pm start-time for cartoons and video games. It has made my job much easier (we already had a 1hr limit on the video games). I'm not as good at being the bad guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laylamcb Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Rose, may I speak candidly here? That sucks. Pardon my French. Here--try this on for size: :grouphug: I'm so sorry. Hang in there, mama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsingscrapper Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Oh girl! I feel for you. I remember my first couple of visits from my mom and sis after my dad passed. They didn't always get along with my dad and had a lot of bitterness built up inside them. They kept badmouthing my dad which really pissed me off. This coming from the very mom who always used to tell me it was bad form to speak ill of the dead. I told her that I understood where she was coming from. I told her I promised my dad when I was prego with ds9 that my child would not hear one bad word from me about his grandpa no matter what. I also reminded her of her own words about being nice. She at least shut up in front of the boy. About that same time, I became prego with ds5. There have been a few visits since then and I've had to put my foot down on her trying to override my word. My boys looked at my mom and looked at me trying to figure out who to listen to. I think they figured if they had to listen to their mommy, I should listen to mine. I asked them who their mommy was and they said me and that I was in charge of them until they turned 18. Smart boys, huh? After that day, and a few colorful expletives on my part that were carefully directed at the action and not the person, the attempts to usurp me by my mom ended. My sister still needs to learn the lesson. Hope this helps to let you know you aren't alone in having to deal with stubborn relatives. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: All the hugs are just to help you feel better. On a side note, I'll take some of that chocolate as I could use it for my own worries. ;) Heidi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mamagistra Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 :grouphug: (((Rose))) :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelli in TN Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I am glad you got rid of the pictures, but if it is any consolation, they were not that bad. They just looked like silly snapshots from a bad photographer. They made the photographer look pretty bad, but you? Not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andie Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 (((Rose))) (I saw the pictures. You didn't look like a slug. :001_smile:) FWIW, members of my family of origin tend to turn into idiots when they're gathered. One at a time, they can be lovely people. Combined, with all the various layers and tensions and whatnot, well, one turns into a loudmouth, another "jokes" too much, another babbles incessantly. *sigh* Since I'm the only one in the family they all have in common, sometimes they focus on me... Ugh. It stinks. What was my point? Oh, yeah...it's not you. It's them. I know it's hard not to take it personally, though. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 This evening my brother refused to let my child stay in the hotel with Grandma and him, as the child had been promised by grandma and me weeks ago, causing both child and grandmother to cry. My brother was so visibly annoyed with my children orbiting me and being noisily playful that by the end of today I was holding back tears. My father told me this afternoon he was going to take the worst pictures he possibly could of me, and post them on his Facebook account, and tag me in them. They're already up, and they're horrendous. I look like a slug. He's done this before, thinks it's hilarious, and I'm ready to never let him visit again. At dinner, my grandmother and my partner ganged up on me in front of the kids about video games and television and how I don't let the kids have unlimited access to them (up to two hours a week some weeks, other weeks none). They did this in front of the kids. I was under the mistaken impression that these were four of my favorite people. I'm so furious that I can't sleep. I feel betrayed. I let so few people into my inner sanctuary, and I trusted all of them not to hurt me. The last thing I want to do is see them again tomorrow. They're not leaving until Sunday. I just read your post and no replies so I don't know if you got your fill of hugs. But huggy-hugs to you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted February 5, 2009 Author Share Posted February 5, 2009 I am glad you got rid of the pictures, but if it is any consolation, they were not that bad. They just looked like silly snapshots from a bad photographer. LOL, Kelli, thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runamuk Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 :grouphug: I'm sorry your family is acting that way. I think we may be related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamrachelle Posted February 5, 2009 Share Posted February 5, 2009 I'm sorry your family is acting that way. I think we may be related. :lol: Yep. I'm in the family too.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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