Ouch! Hurt feelings vent...

[Erica in PA]

Just had to get this out somewhere other than IRL.... we were supposed to go on vacation this summer for a week with one other family (close relatives). This was going to be only the second real vacation we've ever taken since our honeymoon, and we were excited about it! We told them our price range, and we've emailed possibilities of different condos back and forth, and planned to split the cost. They told us tonight that they've decided to stay at a place that we can't afford, and since we can't afford it, we can come for just three days, and they've arranged for someone else stay with them for the other three. Case closed.

 

I know, I should be thankful to have three days vacation. And I know that when we go, we will still have a great time. But it's still ouch-y right now. :(

[3lilreds in NC]

Erica, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I would be hurt too. That seems quite insensitive of them... if they wanted to go on vacation with you it makes sense to me that they would work it out to go to a place that you could go, too.

 

I'd be tempted to go somewhere that you could afford to go as a family for a week and scrap the 3 expensive days. I don't know if you could do that, but *I* would want to.

[hmschoolmom22]

wow! not sure what to say...:confused:sorry this has happened.

[newlifemom]

Not to be mean to the people you were going to vacation with, but is it possible to go somewhere else with the $ you planned to spend on the condo?

[Garga]

That's just cold!

[PinkInTheBlue]

Ouch Erica! I'm so sorry! That seems really, really rude to me. I agree with others that if I were you I would research places I could go for a week without them.

 

Either way, I'm so sorry :grouphug:

[Pink Fairy]

For close friends/family, that seems incredibly insensitive and rude. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

[teamturner]

Erica, :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I would be hurt too. That seems quite insensitive of them... if they wanted to go on vacation with you it makes sense to me that they would work it out to go to a place that you could go, too.

 

I'd be tempted to go somewhere that you could afford to go as a family for a week and scrap the 3 expensive days. I don't know if you could do that, but *I* would want to.

 

Totally agree with this idea!! :iagree:

[SonshineLearner]

I think I'd say, "Bummer that we couldn't find a place we could both agree on, maybe we can vacation together another year." End of story. If you go, you'll keep hurt feelings, and your children will know others are coming to enjoy time after they're gone...more hurt feelings. Be up front and tell them you'll just plan something else.

Sorry they didn't use their brain and just make due with whatever you could afford. I'd go camping with friends rather that a nice resort and hurt friend's feelings. That is...if we had friends who asked us to do something like this....That's another story...

 

Carrie:-)

[Kanga]

We have backed out of a vacation with family because they did something similiar. We decided to use our vacation money to go somewhere we could afford to go for a whole week rather than only spend a couple of days some place expensive. We were very polite when we told them, but very firm! BTW, we had a blast vacation on our own. We were able to tailor our activities to our interests rather than having to go along with what the other family wanted to do.

[Parrothead]

I think I'd say, "Bummer that we couldn't find a place we could both agree on, maybe we can vacation together another year." End of story. If you go, you'll keep hurt feelings, and your children will know others are coming to enjoy time after they're gone...more hurt feelings. Be up front and tell them you'll just plan something else.

Sorry they didn't use their brain and just make due with whatever you could afford. I'd go camping with friends rather that a nice resort and hurt friend's feelings. That is...if we had friends who asked us to do something like this....That's another story...

 

Carrie:-)

:iagree: I'm with the others. If you can find a place, go as a family.

[Garga]

You have to let us know if you decide to go somewhere else. I agree with the post that if you go with the family there will be continued hurt feelings all around.

[Rhonda in TX]

That's just awful. I agree with the others who suggest you go for a week with just your family. We went on our very first week-long family only vacation about a year ago and had a great time!

[abbeyej]

Ugh, Erica, that's awful. :(

 

I certainly want to agree with the others who say, "I'm so sorry this didn't work out. Maybe another year," and then take the money for a vacation your family can afford to do for more than three days... But if I'm honest, I would have a tough time *saying* that to someone.

 

Whatever you decide to do, I sure hope it's wonderful for *your* family. I'm sorry your relatives are so... Hmph. I won't way say anything mean. But I'm thinkin' it! :(

 

(((())))

[Tap]

Absolutely go somewhere else (or find really cheep lodging and go anyways-alone!) that you can afford.

 

A vacation for 3 days isn't really worth it IMHO.

 

There are some really good deals at all inclusive, family friendly Mexican resorts. Cruises can be a good deal right now too, but watch the fees and extras (ask an experience cruiser to help book).

 

Let them know that you want a 7 day vacation and have decided to change plans.

 

Good luck, and have fun with your new vacation!

 

Travel zoo is a good place to check for good deals.

 

 

If you have already booked your airline tickets, I would look for a really cheap hotel that you can stay in by yourselves. You won't need to be in your room much anyways. Just get one within 'kid' walking distance of the beach!

Edited January 26, 2009 by Tap, tap, tap

[JFSinIL]

Can you find something in your price range via VRBO or another website? I do not think you want to spend even three days with such "friends".

 

That said - I recall how as part of our big two-week road trip back East we had five nights at a hotel on the beach at Kill Devil Hills, NC. My BIL's family originally had wanted us to share a place off the beach....but we wanted to be ON the beach. They ended up at a KOA campground over a mile away from us. They had what they could afford, we had what we wanted and had saved for, and all the cousins got to play at the beach.

Edited January 26, 2009 by JFSinIL

[Erica in PA]

Thank you so much everyone! I appreciate all the hugs and commiseration. It's good to get this off my chest. I don't want to discuss my feelings about this too much with dh, because he would become angry as well as hurt. (If I tell him in a matter of fact way what our vacation plans are now, he'll probably just roll his eyes at them and then be okay with it.) And my other confidante, my mom-- Forget about it.She would be livid and hold a grudge against these other family members for ages. So I'm not going to discuss it elsewhere, but I felt that this was a safe place to vent, so thank you!

 

I don't think we can work out going elsewhere for a few reasons: 1. I don't think without splitting the cost with someone else, we can afford to stay anywhere decent in OC MD for a whole week, and we really want to go there. 2. We've been planning this since last summer, and going on our own now would cause really hard feelings on these family members' part, and escalate the tension-- and these are VERY close family members. 3. Our kids were really planning on being with their child for that week at the beach, and he with them, so the kids would come out the losers if we separate now.

 

I am thinking that for this year, we will go ahead with the plan, and look at the good things: we will have three nights/four days at a beautiful resort where we couldn't normally afford to stay at all; our kids will have a blast!!; we will spend less money on the trip than we were originally planning, since we'll only be there three nights.

 

I know that I can forgive them and put these hard feelings aside, long before our trip. We see them every week, if not more, so we have lots of chances to make good memories to erase this one.

 

However, I am going to think long and hard before committing to any more vacations with this family! :tongue_smilie:

[Erica in PA]

I just had a great idea!!! We were planning to go on Labor Day weekend through the following weekend, but now we're going to the beach Wed.-Sat. Dh already has off work Monday for Labor Day... he could take off Tues through the rest of the week, and we could spend Mon. and Tues. doing inexpensive day trips around here!! That way we'd still have a week-long vacation, even if we're still in the area for the first couple of days!! Yippee-- I can feel the bitterness fading away already!! ;)

 

Now I can start planning ideas for that week!!

[abbeyej]

Sounds like you have a really good attitude about this (((Erica))).

[SonshineLearner]

I do think that being at the vacation to wrap it up...instead of at the front of it...would be easier on your family.

:-)

[Erica in PA]

I do think that being at the vacation to wrap it up...instead of at the front of it...would be easier on your family.

:-)

 

Yes, I agree. And also, the first few days are going to be Labor Day weekend, so we will beat the crowd by coming after that, mid-week.

[Erica in PA]

I just realized that the stay is for 7 nights, not 6... do I ask if we can have the four nights, and have the other people stay for three, or do I just let it go....?

[Pretty in Pink]

:grouphug: So sorry this happened to you :grouphug: What a bummer.

[Kanga]

I don't think we can work out going elsewhere for a few reasons: 1. I don't think without splitting the cost with someone else, we can afford to stay anywhere decent in OC MD for a whole week, and we really want to go there. 2. We've been planning this since last summer, and going on our own now would cause really hard feelings on these family members' part, and escalate the tension-- and these are VERY close family members. 3. Our kids were really planning on being with their child for that week at the beach, and he with them, so the kids would come out the losers if we separate now.

 

I am thinking that for this year, we will go ahead with the plan, and look at the good things: we will have three nights/four days at a beautiful resort where we couldn't normally afford to stay at all; our kids will have a blast!!; we will spend less money on the trip than we were originally planning, since we'll only be there three nights.

 

 

 

I don't know if your family is into camping, but you can camp on the MD side of Assateague Island. Not far from OC to round out your week on the cheap. There are wild ponies, a bird sanctuary, clean beaches, and a museum in the visitor center.

[SonshineLearner]

Seriously, Since they're doing this without you okaying it first...I'd just say..."We're staying ??? nights?" and then Total amount divided by 7....and times the amount of nights you'll be staying...No biggie...act like they're expecting it...because it's right that they should. Figure this out now, while it's still negotiable. No reason to pay for an extra night that you're not there... (Or you could all stay there the one night that is overlapping...that could be your relatives decision...you just ask..."Are we all overlapping for a night?" Don't let things go.....that will build resentment.

 

Carrie:-)

[Erica in PA]

Oops, I had to edit this response because I made a mistake in dividing the numbers up-- we actually can afford to spend four nights within the budget we had set, so I think I will call them tomorrow and tell them that we would like to stay the four nights. Hopefully they will agree without much haggling, because that could drive me over the edge! LOL

Edited January 26, 2009 by Erica in PA

[kalanamak]

I don't know if your family is into camping, but you can camp on the MD side of Assateague Island. Not far from OC to round out your week on the cheap. There are wild ponies, a bird sanctuary, clean beaches, and a museum in the visitor center.

 

 

I love going to Assateague, but only when the mosquitoes aren't swarming....not sure what time of year that is, but June was bad AFAIR.

[TN Mama]

I think I'd say, "Bummer that we couldn't find a place we could both agree on, maybe we can vacation together another year." End of story. If you go, you'll keep hurt feelings, and your children will know others are coming to enjoy time after they're gone...more hurt feelings. Be up front and tell them you'll just plan something else.

Sorry they didn't use their brain and just make due with whatever you could afford. I'd go camping with friends rather that a nice resort and hurt friend's feelings. That is...if we had friends who asked us to do something like this....That's another story...

 

Carrie:-)

 

:iagree:

[Karenciavo]

It's great that you have managed to get past bitterness. :001_smile: However, with a close family member I would still feel compelled to say something like, "Dude, next time could you please ask me first or at least tell me what you're thinking before you do it."

[iamrachelle]

I'd be tempted to go somewhere that you could afford to go as a family for a week and scrap the 3 expensive days. I don't know if you could do that, but *I* would want to.

______________

:iagree:

[LaxMom]

You could also look into camping at Assateague to continue your trip. OC is fine, but the island is beautiful and peaceful, and only a few minutes from OC, so you could spend boardwalk and activity time with your other family. :001_smile:

[Jenny in Florida]

Not to be mean to the people you were going to vacation with, but is it possible to go somewhere else with the $ you planned to spend on the condo?

 

Yeah, that was my first thought, too. I mean, I wouldn't want to turn this into a war, but I might send a carefully worded note explaining that our family was really counting on the longer stay. So, we're going to do our own thing and maybe we can meet up another time.

[Happy]

Okay, here is a question that must be asked...are you really vacationing TOGETHER or are you simply helping subsidise *their* trip?

 

To me, if you guys were vacationing together, this would be a joint decision.

 

As it stands, it sounds as if they can't afford the resort without someone to divide the cost with. As long as someone has money, they are welcome.

 

No way would I go. I hate being the 'poor' family in a group.

[ChristusG]

Sorry, I think I would just back out of this one as gracefully as possible. It was wrong and insensitive what they did. It's a joint trip so it should have been a joint decision on where to stay, etc. Just explain to them that your family was expecting a week-long vacation and that's what you would still like to do.

[bettyandbob]

I'd email back and say we were not coming. I'd say that you were trying to plan a week's vacation and I would find another way to stretch it a week or not go at all.

 

3 days with people who just did this is a total waste of money and will not be a vacation at all.

 

Don't go. You aren't backing out, because they just completely changed the plan.

[bigdogs29906]

Ok, for what it is worth I'll toss my opinion in here.

For the reasons that have already been tossed around here, I wouldn't go. I would find a vacation that would work with my budget/time.

 

You said that the kids get to see eachother often, so I don't think the kids would really be shortchanged. Bummed out a bit, maybe, but crushed beyond recovery, I think not.

 

Plans change all the time. Just roll with it and find a vacation that suits you best. :001_smile:

 

Let us know how it works out!!

[Erica in PA]

Ok, for what it is worth I'll toss my opinion in here.

For the reasons that have already been tossed around here, I wouldn't go. I would find a vacation that would work with my budget/time.

 

You said that the kids get to see eachother often, so I don't think the kids would really be shortchanged. Bummed out a bit, maybe, but crushed beyond recovery, I think not.

 

Plans change all the time. Just roll with it and find a vacation that suits you best. :001_smile:

 

Let us know how it works out!!

 

I know what you mean, and there is part of me that would like to do that, but I think it's best to stick with the plan for this year. I told dh about their decision last night, and as I thought, he just rolled his eyes at them and said that at least we'd be staying at a really nice place, and spending less money than we'd planned. However, I certainly do hear what you all are saying, and we will most likely not plan to vacation with them in the future. Someone hit the nail on the head about them being the ones with the money, and thinking that gives them the right to make all the decisions about the trip. It's icky, and I don't want to be part of it going forward. For this year, I really feel that it would hurt us more than benefit us to back out of the plans now.